UPJOKE
tom collinsandersonthompsonwilsonharrisonadamswatsonbennettjohnsonclarkwalshmitchellstewartpattersondunn

People said I’d never get over my obsession with Phil Collins.

But take a look at me now.

Where did Phil Collins live before he got famous?

In a stu-stu-studio

An Australian, and Irishman and a Brit were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before when suddenly the Irishman cried out:

My God! I know who that man is - it's Jesus!" The others looked again, and sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.


The Irishman calls out across the lounge: "Hey! Hey you! Are you Jesus"? Jesus looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am J...

Buzz Aldrin and Mike Collins were invited to the White House to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the moon landing...

Buzz got to enter the White House and meet with the president, but Mike had to spend the entire visit driving in circles around the White House.

How did Phil Collins know about Lorde?

She wasn't born until 1996 but In the Air Tonight was released in 1981

It's amazing that Peter Gabriel and Phil Collins both went solo back in the day

There was a real Exodus from Genesis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] "Good Luck Mr Collins"

Two astronauts successfully landed on the moon and transmitted their thoughts and feelings back to mission control. They described the moon's surface, the atmosphere, the temperature and their feelings of elation at being there.

Just as the transmission was going off, one of the astronauts w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The teacher told us that the first people to have a surname had some kind of story on how people began to call them that, like how Michael Collins was a drunkard

Somehow i dont wanna know Emily Dickinson's story.

Joan Collins forced to flee fire:

The funeral director has had to make a formal apology as he could have sworn she was dead.

I spent 2 years in rehab for my Phil Collins addiction.

I did it against all odds. Just take a look at me now.

What do Phil Collins and God have in common?

They were both introduced in Genesis and have watched people drown without intervening.

On and On

Mr. Johnson told Mary his secretary that he was going on a business trip to Chicago the following day and he wanted her to come with him. They'd be staying there for 2 days.

As soon as she got home, she told her husband Bob about this.
"Honey, my boss asked me to go on a business trip to...

A grasshopper walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper, surprised and pleased, says, "Oh, really? Tom Collins?"

This is my favorite joke.

Arm wrestle

I challenged one of the Apollo 11 crew to an arm wrestle.
In hindsight I should have chosen Aldrin, or Collins

I'm the most hated person in the Senate

Ted Cruz: I'm the most hated person in the Senate.

Susan Collins: Hold my beer.

Brett Kavanaugh: Who said beer?

Twitter repost @Amanda_Kerri

So, the guy who plays Captain America bought a pirate ship.

And he covered it in Vegas-style lights

And he has Phil Collins' band playing on it.


...
It's a Neon Genesis Evans' Galleon

What's the difference between an encyclopedia and a Republican senator?

The encyclopedia has a spine.

(Apologies to Senators Collins and Murkowski)

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.