Why was the limbo dancer shocked when his wallet was stolen right out of his back pocket?

Because he didn’t think anyone could stoop so low.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the dancer that was killed in the stripper bar?

Now the place is haunted with en-titties.

In what way is the future generation of fortnite dancers like alcohol?

They’re both depressants

Why do Dasher and Dancer get extra coffee breaks?

Because they’re Santa’s star bucks.

Why was Al Gore scientifically a great dancer?

Because of his Al Gore Rythyms.

Why do Irish dancers only dance with their legs?

Cause all the arms have been decommissioned.

If dancers have two eyes then what do ballerinas have?

Two too.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do Morris dancers wear bells?

So they can piss off the blind as well....

Table Dancer

A man goes to a bar and sees a 'larger' girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

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"No Jews Allowed"

A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

'Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Professional butt dancers are just like you and I

They get up, get ready and go t’werk

A pro Limbo Dancer walks into a bar.

He is immediately disqualified from the competition.

Irish line dancers have superior form

Hands down.

A young kid from the inner city only ever dreamed of being a dancer

Lacey worked really hard and started to gain some attention until a tragic accident destroyed her left knee. She lost her job at the dance company and thus her insurance, leaving her with a shattered knee and broken dreams.

Then she saw a commercial for these brand new knee replacements, Mah...

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I'm going to open a strip club where the dancers rap.

And call it titty bars

good dancer

Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.

Why are dogs bad dancers?

Because they have two left feet

I thought I could never be a good dancer until I discovered Dance Dance Revolution. Though I've only really mastered one move,

it's a step in the right direction.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three women go out to a nightclub to see male dancers

One of the women wants to impress the others, so she pulls out a $10 bill and waves the dancer over. She licks the $10 bill and sticks it to his left buttock Not to be outdone, the second woman pulls out a $20 bill, licks it, and slaps it on the other cheek. The dancer looks down at the third woman...

Dasher, dancer, prancer, and vixen.

The four stages of Bruce Jenner.

How many dancers does it take to change a light bulb?

Five… six… seven… eight!

What's the difference between a belly dancer and an incompetent pastry chef?

One shakes body parts and the other bakes shoddy tarts.

Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers.

Most strippers have little or no coverage.

An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land,

and the leader of the captors said, "We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish."

The Englishman responds, "I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the ...

Why does the left foot get all the blame if you're a poor dancer? "Oh, you have two left feet. Hur hur hur"

I guess it is #rightprivilege

What did the animal control officer ask the Hawaiian dancer?

Hula the dogs out?

I finally figured out why your sister is not a ballet dancer...

Because every time she does a split, she sticks to the floor.

I tried to be a tap dancer

but I kept falling in the sink!

(thank you, british uncle ken for that dry humor)

What's Al Gore's dancer name?

Algorithm.

What do you call a Satanist dancer?

A ba'al-erina.

I wonder if tap dancers....

Look at a floor and think "I'd tap that"

Why aren't Pokémon very good dancers?

They can only learn 4 moves.

What is the most common death among square dancers?

Over Do-se-do.

Dancer Joke

actually, I don't understand this one,customer told me,then left b4 he explained it to me. ok, he said,
"What is the difference between a lapdancer and a magician." and I said,"What?" and then he said this,twice,since I didn't laugh. "A magician has a cunning stunt."
Then his friends told him...

They say I have the legs of a dancer..

but until they find the rest of the body the cops have got nothing on me man!

There was this little girl sitting on the English side of the English Channel, bawling her eyes out. This pigeon was flying over and spotted her, so the pigeon flew down and asked what was wrong.

The little girl told the pigeon that she wanted to be a ballet dancer more than anything, but the only way she could be a ballet dancer was to get to France, being really the only place that teaches ballet.
After thinking for a moment, the pigeon told the little girl to wait and he would return.<...

Why are hula dancers so pretentious?

Because their hips stir.

Why do bad break-dancers get reduced prison sentences?

Time served

I'm not a great lap dancer,

I've got two left cheeks.

When I went to Poland I saw the greatest dancing group in the country

When my wife asked what I did there I told her I saw the worlds best pole dancers!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Four guys are out golfing and as the foresome is about to tee off, one of they guys excuses himself to take a piss. As the other three are waiting for him, they start talking.

The first guy says, "my son is doing so well that he just gave his best friend an entire stock portfolio." Being a very impressive gift, the others obviously have to one-up him.
The second guy says, "well, my son is doing so well that he just bought his best friend a brand new Mercedes." Ind...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy was upstairs playing computer games when his granddad came in the room and sat down on the bed.

&#x200B;

"What are you doing?" asks granddad. "You're eighteen years old: you’re wasting your life! When I was eighteen I went to Paris; I went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, felt up one of the dancers on stage, pissed on the barman and left without paying. Now *that’s* how to have...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My grandpa told me "All you kids do these days is play video games"...

"When I was your age", he continued, "my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, we didn't pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we pissed on him”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the M...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three kingdoms lay on a triangle lake

One kingdom lies on each side of the lake. For decades, the king's had argued over it's true owner, each claiming to be the first kingdom to settle there, and many tales of magical swords and godly favours to claim divine right. Eventually, this story telling and legal battling came to no conclusion...

Punctuation is very important...

There's a Maypole dancer.

Theresa May, pole dancer.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman and a Irishman are captured by Isis.

The executioner lines the men in a row and says that each of them can have one final wish. He starts by asking the Irishman what his wish is.

"My wish is to have 1000 Irish tap dancers tapping during my execution."

"Granted." The executioner replied and then proceeded to ask the Scotsm...

Mr. Mole told Mrs. Mole he would have to work late at the bakery.

He comes home and she is furious. She says don't lie to me …
you were at the Bottoms Up bar getting lap dances from the female mole dancers! He said "why would you say that?" She exclaimed "Because your clothes smell like molasses.

A PhD student, a post-doc, and their professor are walking through a city park.

They find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the PhD student.

“I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a go...

Drawing pictures on a date

The owner of a large furniture store in the midwest arrived in France on a buying trip. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. However, she only spoke French and he only spoke English, so each couldn't understand a word the other spoke.

He to...

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11 Reasons To Go To Work Naked

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources.
4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
5. To stop tho...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 old friends meet up after a long time

After a couple of drinks, one of them goes to the toilet. The other two start talking about their kids.

The first one says: I'm so proud of my son, after he finished school he started as a janitor in a large company. After that he got promoted to manager and now he is the CEO of the company ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There were three young priests...

about to take their final vows. The last test they had to pass was a celibacy test. For this, all three had to strip naked and tie a little bell around their penis. A belly dancer entered the room, and started slinking around the first priest. 'Ting-a-ling!'

The chief priest said 'Oh Patrick,...

I went to see the ballet, and..

..all the dancers were standing on tiptoe.

I said,"Why don't they just get taller dancers?"

A grandfather went to visit his son's family...

A grandfather went to visit his son's family. When he arrived, he found his nineteen-year-old grandson slumped on the couch, playing video games and surrounded by half-empty bags of chips.

"You're wasting your life!" he said sternly. "By the time I was your age, I'd gone to Paris, went to the...

Fancy Strip Club

I found my self at a strip club one evening. Apparently it was a nice one because when I pulled out a dollar bill to tip one of the dancers she promptly told me "sorry darling but we only take big bills here." without missing a beat I said "no problem hun, all I have are big bills." i winked at her,...

OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME!

A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blond woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.

She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that ...

A critic reserves a table at a popular restaurant

It's quite posh, but the restaurant's real claim to fame is the speed of service.

Sure enough, everything flows like clockwork. The diner is seated shortly after arriving, and a waiter arrives quickly to take his order.

While he's waiting for food, the man kids around the restaurant. T...

Alcohol and life

Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.

Funny & dirty strip club joke

A man went to a strip club and took a seat in the front row. As soon as the first dancer walked out the guy directly behind him yelled "yh Baby thats what i've been waiting for." the man in the front row turned around and gave him a dirty look.

A few minutes later the stripper took of her to...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Four guys are sitting at a bar, talking about their sons

The first guy says, "Man. I am so proud of my son. He's a multi-millionaire. He has his own mansion, a yacht. Hell, he gave one of his buddies a Ferrari for his birthday!"

The second man, in try manly nature, goes for one better. "Yeah, well my son is so well off! He's a multi-billionaire! H...

Vincent Van Gogh's Relatives

His Obnoxious brother: Please Gogh.
His Dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
His prune-loving brother: Gotta Gogh.
His Convenience-Store-Owner cousin: Stop'n'Gogh
His Constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The Ballroom dancer aunt: Tan Gogh
His Nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
His Fruit Loving cousin: M...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old group of friends go golfing...

Bill, Bob, Jim and Troy are on the golf course and are discussing how well their sons have been doing in life before teeing off.

Bill has to leave to go to the bathroom while the others get ready to tee off on the first hole. They start bragging about their sons....

Bob says to the gu...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

normally don't like longer jokes but, this is funny

A US Navy cruiser was anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening in port, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy, influential plantation owner (who also happened to be a very generous political donor). It read:

"Dear Ca...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

general knowledge quiz

Teacher: "Good morning children, each Thursday we're going to have a general knowledge quiz.

The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday."

Wee Jock (a typical Scottish wag) thinks, "Ya dancer. Ah'm pure dead brilliant at ...

How many reindeers does Santa Claus have?

Santa Claus has 10 reindeers according to the song.

>You know **Dasher** and **Dancer** and **Prancer** and **Vixen**,
**Comet** and **Cupid** and **Donner** and **Blitzen**,
but do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?
**Rudolph** the Red-Nosed Reindeer, had a v...

Santa claus may only come once a year...

But when he does he does it, on Dasher! On Dancer! On Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen!

I asked my wife what she wanted for dinner.

Wife - "I don't know."

Me, throwing out something completely random - "How about roast canard." (french for duck)

Wife - "What's a canard?"

Me - "Same as a mallard." (type of duck)

Wife - "What's a mallard?"

Me - "Same as a drake." (male duck)

Wife - "So, r...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man went shopping

A man went shopping for some supplies in one of those overpriced stores. He got what he came for, and went to stand in line to check out. A young, attractive woman was waving to him, and he wondered why she would notice an old geezer like himself. He made his way over to her, and asked, "why did you...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Loose translation of a Polish joke. Wife says to husband ...

Wife says to husband:

- You never take me to a club! Lets go this weekend!
- Naaah.. bad idea.
- Please! You never take me with you!
- Whateva... ok...

They go to the club, the bouncer at the door says:

- Hi Jack!

Wife looks at husband ...

The cashier at my local grocery store hates me...

I'm always paying in 1$ bills and I use a lot of them. I attempted to calm her down with some humor.
"I'm an exotic dancer...and I'm really good at it", I said with a wink.
She replied with a glare, "I doubt that. If you were any good you'd be paying with $5's"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Male stripper

The other day, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What movies teach us.

According to Hollywood movies - 1 out of every 5 Americans work for the CIA .
According to Chinese movie- 1 out of every 5 Chinese is a Kungfu master.
According to Japanese movies- Every 1 out of 5 Japanese is a Ninja.
According to Indian movies - Every hero in a movie is a dancer and a sin...

A guy is grocery shopping when he sees a beautiful blonde, who smiles and waves at him.

She stops to talk to him, and he can't remember who she is. Instead of faking it, he fesses up and says, "Hi - you look really familiar, but I don't remember how I know you."

She responds, "My name is Taylor, and I think you're the father of one of my children."

The guy's mind reels w...

I have a new job.

I'm a dressing room attendant for dancers at a strip club.
$300/week.
That's not much, but it's all I can afford.

Elephants

How many legs does an elephant have?
Four. Two in the front and two in the back.

Why don't elephants make good dancers?
They have two left feet.

What's flat and feathery and half an inch tall?
A duck who tried to teach an elephant how to dance.

Why do ducks have w...