Why are all dogs bad dancers?

because they have two left feet.









sorry

Yesterday I tucked some receipts from Bitcoin into an exotic dancer's panties.

My first use of stripto currency.

Why do flamenco dancers make the best fishermen?

Because they know how to castanet

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My grandpa told me, "All you kids do these days is play video games."

"When I was your age", he continued, "my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, we didn't pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we pissed on him”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the M...

What age were you when you realized you wanted to be a dancer?

I think I was around 5, 6, 7, 8

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They say all the pretty Vegas dancers are really men.

I always questioned whether my Vegas dancing girlfriend really had a penis. Occasionally, there was something inside me that said, "Yes!"

A limbo dancer walks into a bar

He immediately got disqualified.

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How did the stripper know she was the most popular dancer at the club?

She took a poll.

I met an exotic dancer the other night...

Pretty cool, I've never known anyone from Iowa before.

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A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

"Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance. They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation. They should be e...

What kind of monster is the best dancer?

The boogieman

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What do you call exotic dancers in a politically unstable region in the Middle East?

Gaza Strippers

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A police officer gets a new case

A police officer is minding his own business when his partner drops a case on his desk. His partner says "Leonid, a dance studio is running a drug operation, clear as day, open and shut case". Leonid has had a long day but is excited because open and shut cases don't happen often around this precin...

Genie grants three wishes...

A paralegal, an associate, and a partner of a prestigious law firm are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you one." "Me first!" says the paralega...

Inspector: What do you see ?

Sub-inspector: Idk why but, the suspect is dancing naked in the middle of the street

Inspector: copy that



Sub-inspector: I'm not much of a dancer, but I'll try my best.

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Iraqi girls are really good hip hop dancers

They really know how to Baghdad ass up

With bars reopening, exotic dancers can once again bring home the bacon...

...but only one strip at a time.

A limbo dancer walked into a bar.

That wasn’t supposed to happen.

Who's the scariest dancer ever?

The Boogie Man

Did u hear about the tap dancer

He fell into the sink

As an Irish-American, I don't appreciate being called a "river dancer" by my own family doctor

Doctor: I said you have liver cancer

A pianist, a dancer and an alcoholic are attending a party

The doorman asks the pianist "what are you here for?", "I'm here to play music" and the doorman directs him to the instruments on stage.

The doorman asks the dancer "what are you here for?", "I'm here to get my groove on" and the doorman directs him to the dance floor.

The doorman asks...

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An American spy comes into a Soviet bar

And orders a drink.

"No drink for US spies" said the barkeep.

The spy goes pale. He pulls out a bottle of Vodka and drains it in one big gulp.

"You drink like Russian, but you are American spy"

The spy pulls out his accordeon and plays a wonderful Russian folk song, every...

They say I have the legs of a dancer..

##

but until they find the rest of the body the cops have got nothing on me man!

Why do dancers like loose fitting trousers?

They’re better for ball room.

Rudolph had to ask Santa why Dasher and Dancer are always taking coffee breaks?

Santa: Because those two are my star bucks.

My wife and I were at a show watching a beautiful dancer on stage...

Wife: Did you just wolf-whistle when she did the splits?

Me: Um no, it was probably just trapped air escaping.

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What do disco dancers use to stimulate sexual desire?

Afro-disiacs

thanks, i'll be here all week, unfortunately

Why is car insurance higher for lap dancers?

They run a higher risk of being rear-ended.

What playing cards are the best dancers.

The king and queen of clubs.

Why do morris dancers wear bells?

So the blind can be irritated by them as well

Why was Al Gore scientifically a great dancer?

Because of his Al Gore Rythyms.

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A bartender notices one of his costumers hasn’t paid for his drink, so he asks to see his money.

The man says, “If I show you a miracle, will you give me the drink for free?” The bartender agrees.

The man reaches into his pocket, pulls out a hamster, and sets it on the bartop. It immediately starts dancing. This hamster is the most incredible dancer the bartender has ever seen, so he say...

I wonder if Tap Dancers

Ever look at a floor and think “Yeah, I’d tap that! I’d tap that hard!!”

Table Dancer

A man goes to a bar and sees a 'larger' girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Why was the limbo dancer shocked when his wallet was stolen right out of his back pocket?

Because he didn’t think anyone could stoop so low.

Why do Irish dancers only dance with their legs?

Cause all the arms have been decommissioned.

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Did you hear about the dancer that was killed in the stripper bar?

Now the place is haunted with en-titties.

How many dancers does it take to change a light bulb?

Five… six… seven… eight!

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Why musicians start on 1-2-3-4 while dancers start on 5-6-7-8?

Because those twats are always late.

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My son, 9 years old told me these jokes on different days and I wrote them all down as he told them.

What did the the dancer say when he found proof:

he found evi-dance

What did the lazy person buy at the store?

A Nap-kin

What is a goldfishes favorite story?

Goldilocks

What did the musician say when he was safe?

I’m safe and SOUND.

What do bu...

In what way is the future generation of fortnite dancers like alcohol?

They’re both depressants

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Professional butt dancers are just like you and I

They get up, get ready and go t’werk

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I'm going to open a strip club where the dancers rap.

And call it titty bars

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Three women go out to a nightclub to see male dancers

One of the women wants to impress the others, so she pulls out a $10 bill and waves the dancer over. She licks the $10 bill and sticks it to his left buttock Not to be outdone, the second woman pulls out a $20 bill, licks it, and slaps it on the other cheek. The dancer looks down at the third woman...

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My British coworker

My British coworker is new to America, and he delights in telling me and my other coworkers about all things British. Today he was trying to explain Cockney rhyming slang - things like saying "have a butcher's" instead of "have a look", because "butcher's hook" rhymes with "look"; or "a cup of Ro...

Dasher, dancer, prancer, and vixen.

The four stages of Bruce Jenner.

If I win the lottery, I'm going to give all the money to charity.

After all, she's my favourite dancer down at the Jiggly Hut.

Irish line dancers have superior form

Hands down.

A young kid from the inner city only ever dreamed of being a dancer

Lacey worked really hard and started to gain some attention until a tragic accident destroyed her left knee. She lost her job at the dance company and thus her insurance, leaving her with a shattered knee and broken dreams.

Then she saw a commercial for these brand new knee replacements, Mah...

I tried to be a tap dancer

but I kept falling in the sink!

(thank you, british uncle ken for that dry humor)

I thought I could never be a good dancer until I discovered Dance Dance Revolution. Though I've only really mastered one move,

it's a step in the right direction.

I finally figured out why your sister is not a ballet dancer...

Because every time she does a split, she sticks to the floor.

good dancer

Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.

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Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers.

Most strippers have little or no coverage.

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The Party

After his divorce, Jeff rented a cabin in Montana for the summer to write his first novel. He got up each morning, made coffee, and would go outside and sit by a stream before going back in and writing all day. One August afternoon he was startled by a knock on the door.

“Hey,” said the man....

No Nativity this year

No Nativity this year because the 3 Wise Men face a travel ban.
The shepherds have been furloughed.
The Inn keeper has shut under tier 3 regulations and had a slump in bookings.
Santa won't be working as he would break the rule of 6 with Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Donner and Blitzen....

Dancer Joke

actually, I don't understand this one,customer told me,then left b4 he explained it to me. ok, he said,
"What is the difference between a lapdancer and a magician." and I said,"What?" and then he said this,twice,since I didn't laugh. "A magician has a cunning stunt."
Then his friends told him...

What do you call a Satanist dancer?

A ba'al-erina.

What is the most common death among square dancers?

Over Do-se-do.

Did you hear about that girl from Boston who got in trouble for being a bad dancer?

She told her parents that she was an erratic dancer.

What's the difference between a belly dancer and an incompetent pastry chef?

One shakes body parts and the other bakes shoddy tarts.

My wife suggested I get an erection enhancer .

So I did.

Her name is Tamy, shes a 21 yr old dancer

What did the animal control officer ask the Hawaiian dancer?

Hula the dogs out?

Why does the left foot get all the blame if you're a poor dancer? "Oh, you have two left feet. Hur hur hur"

I guess it is #rightprivilege

Why aren't Pokémon very good dancers?

They can only learn 4 moves.

I like to wash my dishes to the sound of music

I guess that makes me a tap dancer

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Three kingdoms border a lake in the shape of an obtuse triangle

One kingdom lies on each side of the lake. For decades, the king's had argued over it's true owner, each claiming to be the first kingdom to settle there, and many tales of magical swords and godly favours to claim divine right. Eventually, this storytelling and legal battling came to no conclusion,...

I love dances at weddings ...

Especially since I'm not a great dancer. Most of the songs tell you what to do. Like when they play "Do The Twist," you twist. They play "Jump Around", you jump around ... There was, however, that unfortunate night I got kicked out when the DJ played "Come On Eileen."

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You've never heard of the 10th Reindeer?

The first eight are Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen.

The 9th is Rudolth the red nosed reindeer, and the 10th is the jerk called Olive.

Why do i call him a jerk? You know... Olive the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.

Why are hula dancers so pretentious?

Because their hips stir.

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A bus full of blind people was traveling on the road.

After driving for a long time, the bus driver gets tired and needs to rest. He parks the bus near a cafeteria.

"I'm going to eat lunch and take a rest," the driver says to the blind passengers. "I'll come back in an hour."

"No problem," says one of the blind men. "We'll play soccer whi...

Why do bad break-dancers get reduced prison sentences?

Time served

I'm not a great lap dancer,

I've got two left cheeks.

There are dedicated detectives who investigate especially heinous crimes as members of an elite squad known as the SVU. This is one of their less successful stories...

In a stake-out operation at a local bar, an undercover SVU officer was approached by Eva, an exotic dancer, who offered him a private lap dance in the back room. Within seconds, before starting her routine, she was arrested and charged with solicitation.

Later at trial, her defence lawyer i...

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman all get caught by the Iraqis. Sounds painful, but the head captor tells them "You are all to be shot- but it is tradition and a mark of honour to grant the first four prisoners of war whatsoever they wish before they are executed."...

...The Welshman says "Well then. It'd be bladdy magic to hear an 'undred members of the Welsh male voice choir all singing 'Land of my Fathers'. Smashin'. Yaki Da!."

The Scotsman says "Wehw, Ah wanna hund'ed bag-pipers aw playin' 'Flower of Scotland'."

Then the Irishman says "Oi tink O...

An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land,

and the leader of the captors said, "We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish."

The Englishman responds, "I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the ...

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How Bangkok became the capital of Thailand

Long ago there was a king of Thailand, and he unfortunately passed away due to old age. However the people of Thailand saw this as an opportunity to grow and create a capital and have a new young robust leader.

The people decided to go to the surrounding tribes and select a few fit young men ...

A man went to an art museum

And, as fate would have it, he happened to be in the Impressionist gallery when an earthquake struck. The walls began to shake, and, instinctively, he stuck out his limbs to try to secure himself. When the dust had settled, he found himself stepping on a painting of several dancers, which was precar...

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[OC] A sketchy looking guy asks a stripper if she'll join him on a spiritual quest in the Las Vegas desert.

She knows she would be dumb to accept the invitation, but she asks her manager for advice first just in case. His response is simple:


"There are no stupid quest shuns; only stupid dancers."

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An old man tsks at his great-grandson playing Fortnite

"This is what you kids do for fun these days? Why back in my day, we'd go to the Moulin Rouge in Paris, fuck all the dancers, piss all over the bar, and leave without paying!"

He didn't think anything more of it until a month later when his great-grandson limped into his house on a pair of cr...

Social distancing

I logged on to Facebook the other day only to post on my daughter's wall that she's a horrible dancer.
She asked why I would do such a thing.
I told her because I heard we were supposed to be "social diss dancing"

A man is sitting in a bar looking sad....

(friend of mine told me this forever ago. I'm sure its been posted here before)

The bartender asks, “Why you so down?”

Man replies, “Well, no girls will talk to me because I have this wooden eye and it freaks them out.”

Bartender thinks for a moment, “See that cute girl sitting ...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman and a Irishman are captured by Isis.

The executioner lines the men in a row and says that each of them can have one final wish. He starts by asking the Irishman what his wish is.

"My wish is to have 1000 Irish tap dancers tapping during my execution."

"Granted." The executioner replied and then proceeded to ask the Scotsm...

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11 Reasons To Go To Work Naked

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources.
4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
5. To stop tho...

There was this little girl sitting on the English side of the English Channel, bawling her eyes out. This pigeon was flying over and spotted her, so the pigeon flew down and asked what was wrong.

The little girl told the pigeon that she wanted to be a ballet dancer more than anything, but the only way she could be a ballet dancer was to get to France, being really the only place that teaches ballet.
After thinking for a moment, the pigeon told the little girl to wait and he would return.<...

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