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Table Dancer

A man goes to a bar and sees a 'larger' girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

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Grandpa tells his grandson, "All you kids do these days is play video games."

"When I was your age", he continued, "my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, we didn't pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we pissed on him”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the M...

A limbo dancer walks into a bar

He immediately got disqualified.

What do exotic dancers call their colleagues?

Their co-twerkers

Why aren't dogs good dancers?

They've two left feet

How do exotic dancers make money?

They go twerk.

I met an exotic dancer the other night...

Pretty cool, I've never known anyone from Iowa before.

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An American spy comes into a Soviet bar

And orders a drink.

"No drink for US spies" said the barkeep.

The spy goes pale. He pulls out a bottle of Vodka and drains it in one big gulp.

"You drink like Russian, but you are American spy"

The spy pulls out his accordeon and plays a wonderful Russian folk song, every...

Why do dancers wear loose trousers?

For the ballroom

Which country has the best dancers?

Poland.

A buxom topless dancer went to Mass dressed in her work clothes

The priest stopped her at the door and said “Miss, you can’t go in there like that” She said, “But Father, don’t I have a divine right?!” Father said, “You have a divine left, too, but you can’t take Mass here without a head covering.”

How many tap dancers does it take to change a light bulb?

5-6-7-8

Why is auto insurance so high for lap dancers?

Because of the high risk of being rear-ended.

What kind of monster is the best dancer?

The boogieman

Three limbo dancers walked into a bar.

They had to drop out of the tournament

What do a priest and an exoctic dancer have in common?

They are both know for wearing collars

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room

look at the floor and think, "Id tap that"

What religion has the best dancers?

No religion beats Sikh moves

How do flamenco dancers go fishing?

They castanets!

Why did the police officer arrest the disco dancer?

Because he was killing the dance floor.

What age were you when you realized you wanted to be a dancer?

I think I was around 5, 6, 7, 8

Yesterday I tucked some receipts from Bitcoin into an exotic dancer's panties.

My first use of stripto currency.

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They say all the pretty Vegas dancers are really men.

I always questioned whether my Vegas dancing girlfriend really had a penis. Occasionally, there was something inside me that said, "Yes!"

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How did the stripper know she was the most popular dancer at the club?

She took a poll.

They say I have the legs of a dancer..

##

but until they find the rest of the body the cops have got nothing on me man!

What playing cards are the best dancers.

The king and queen of clubs.

Why do flamenco dancers make the best fishermen?

Because they know how to castanet

Did u hear about the tap dancer

He fell into the sink

Who's the scariest dancer ever?

The Boogie Man

Dasher, dancer, prancer, and vixen.

The four stages of Bruce Jenner.

Why do dancers like loose fitting trousers?

They’re better for ball room.

What happened to the compulsive dancer who wasn't allowed to dance?

he had a breakdown.

With bars reopening, exotic dancers can once again bring home the bacon...

...but only one strip at a time.

Why was Al Gore scientifically a great dancer?

Because of his Al Gore Rythyms.

What’s the difference between a circus and 5 female line dancers without panties?

I don’t know either, but one sure is a cunning array of stunts.

A limbo dancer walked into a bar.

That wasn’t supposed to happen.

Dancer Joke

actually, I don't understand this one,customer told me,then left b4 he explained it to me. ok, he said,
"What is the difference between a lapdancer and a magician." and I said,"What?" and then he said this,twice,since I didn't laugh. "A magician has a cunning stunt."
Then his friends told him...

good dancer

Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.

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There were three young priests...

about to take their final vows. The last test they had to pass was a celibacy test. For this, all three had to strip naked and tie a little bell around their penis. A belly dancer entered the room, and started slinking around the first priest. 'Ting-a-ling!'

The chief priest said 'Oh Patrick,...

There was a belly-dancer at a fancy Turkish restaurant last night!!!! We were all speechless & stunned.

I just wish he didn’t insist on doing an encore at our table.

My wife and I were at a show watching a beautiful dancer on stage...

Wife: Did you just wolf-whistle when she did the splits?

Me: Um no, it was probably just trapped air escaping.

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A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:
'Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send three well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress unifor...

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Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers.

Most strippers have little or no coverage.

Irish line dancers have superior form

Hands down.

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What do you call exotic dancers in a politically unstable region in the Middle East?

Gaza Strippers

Why aren't Pokémon very good dancers?

They can only learn 4 moves.

What is the most common death among square dancers?

Over Do-se-do.

A pianist, a dancer and an alcoholic are attending a party

The doorman asks the pianist "what are you here for?", "I'm here to play music" and the doorman directs him to the instruments on stage.

The doorman asks the dancer "what are you here for?", "I'm here to get my groove on" and the doorman directs him to the dance floor.

The doorman asks...

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Why do Morris dancers wear bells?

So they can piss off the blind as well....

Why do Dasher and Dancer get extra coffee breaks?

Because they’re Santa’s star bucks.

Why do Irish dancers only dance with their legs?

Cause all the arms have been decommissioned.

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Professional butt dancers are just like you and I

They get up, get ready and go t’werk

As an Irish-American, I don't appreciate being called a "river dancer" by my own family doctor

Doctor: I said you have liver cancer

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Did you hear about the dancer that was killed in the stripper bar?

Now the place is haunted with en-titties.

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Three women go out to a nightclub to see male dancers

One of the women wants to impress the others, so she pulls out a $10 bill and waves the dancer over. She licks the $10 bill and sticks it to his left buttock Not to be outdone, the second woman pulls out a $20 bill, licks it, and slaps it on the other cheek. The dancer looks down at the third woman...

I tried to be a tap dancer

but I kept falling in the sink!

(thank you, british uncle ken for that dry humor)

What do you call a Satanist dancer?

A ba'al-erina.

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Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club....

One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a £10 note. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the £10 note and stuck it to his bum cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a £20 note. She called the guy back , licks the £20 note, and sticks...

What did the animal control officer ask the Hawaiian dancer?

Hula the dogs out?

A young kid from the inner city only ever dreamed of being a dancer

Lacey worked really hard and started to gain some attention until a tragic accident destroyed her left knee. She lost her job at the dance company and thus her insurance, leaving her with a shattered knee and broken dreams.

Then she saw a commercial for these brand new knee replacements, Mah...

Why was the limbo dancer shocked when his wallet was stolen right out of his back pocket?

Because he didn’t think anyone could stoop so low.

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I'm going to open a strip club where the dancers rap.

And call it titty bars

I finally figured out why your sister is not a ballet dancer...

Because every time she does a split, she sticks to the floor.

A man went to a strip club

When he got inside he noticed an empty seat in the front row. Seizing the opportunity, he took the seat. As soon as the first dancer walked out, the guy directly behind him yelled, ‘Yeah baby! That's what I've been waiting for!’ The man in the front row turned around and gave him a dirty look.
...

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Why musicians start on 1-2-3-4 while dancers start on 5-6-7-8?

Because those twats are always late.

I'm not a great lap dancer,

I've got two left cheeks.

What's the difference between a belly dancer and an incompetent pastry chef?

One shakes body parts and the other bakes shoddy tarts.

Why are hula dancers so pretentious?

Because their hips stir.

Diversity is good for the workplace

For instance, she is the best dancer at our local strip joint.

An old nearly blind marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar

He sits down at the bar, squints through his old eyes, sees a woman at the end of the bar and gives her a wave.

She sees the old man, lifts her arm and gives him a big wave back, revealing a very hairy armpit.

The old marine says to the bartender “I’ll take a shot of whiskey, and sen...

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A man walking his dog comes across an old man sat on a park bench sobbing

He walks up to him out of concern, and says "Is everything OK?".

The old man says "Well not really".

"What's wrong?" says the man?

"Well a couple of weeks ago, I married this 30 year old exotic dancer. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. Every morning, she wakes me up...

In what way is the future generation of fortnite dancers like alcohol?

They’re both depressants

An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land,

and the leader of the captors said, "We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish."

The Englishman responds, "I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the ...

Why do bad break-dancers get reduced prison sentences?

Time served

One Christmas Eve, many decades ago, Santa Claus announced to his elves, "I'm supposed to begin my annual flight in one hour. But there are still some toys that need to be made and put into my sack. I need all seven of my elite toymakers to finish the toys on time."

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Kringle," said the elf in charge of the workshop. "One of the elite toymakers is on vacation, and two are sick. I'm afraid we only have four elites tonight."

"So be it," said Santa.

It took two hours for the elves to finish making the toys. By the time they were done...

I went to see the ballet, and..

..all the dancers were standing on tiptoe.

I said,"Why don't they just get taller dancers?"

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11 Reasons To Go To Work Naked

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources.
4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
5. To stop tho...

Why did Rudolph go to the strip club?

He heard he’d see his good friend Dancer there.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman and a Irishman are captured by Isis.

The executioner lines the men in a row and says that each of them can have one final wish. He starts by asking the Irishman what his wish is.

"My wish is to have 1000 Irish tap dancers tapping during my execution."

"Granted." The executioner replied and then proceeded to ask the Scotsm...

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[First day as a rookie cop.]

Me: Dispatch, suspect is dancing down Main street, completely nude.


Dispatch: Copy that.


Me: Well I'll try but I'm not much of a dancer.

A man takes his service dog to the stripclub

The bouncer stops him at the door and says “We don’t normally allow animals in here, but according to the government, I can only ask what special task your dog has been trained to do, not what your disability is. So, what’s he do?”

“He takes the money to the dancer and puts it in her g-string...

Why does the left foot get all the blame if you're a poor dancer? "Oh, you have two left feet. Hur hur hur"

I guess it is #rightprivilege

Yo mama so fat…

If she were a dancer, she’d be on Broad-weigh.

One of Santa's reindeer served in the army with Tina Turner

Back then he was known as Private Dancer

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A boy was upstairs playing on his computer when his granddad came in the room and sat down on the bed.

"What are you doing?", asked the granddad. "You're 18 years old and wasting your life! When I was 18 I went to Paris, I went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed on the barman and left without paying! Now that is how to have a good time!"

A week later, the...

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How Bangkok became the capital of Thailand

Long ago there was a king of Thailand, and he unfortunately passed away due to old age. However the people of Thailand saw this as an opportunity to grow and create a capital and have a new young robust leader.

The people decided to go to the surrounding tribes and select a few fit young men ...

There was this little girl sitting on the English side of the English Channel, bawling her eyes out. This pigeon was flying over and spotted her, so the pigeon flew down and asked what was wrong.

The little girl told the pigeon that she wanted to be a ballet dancer more than anything, but the only way she could be a ballet dancer was to get to France, being really the only place that teaches ballet.
After thinking for a moment, the pigeon told the little girl to wait and he would return.<...

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