Why are dogs terrible dancers ?

Because they have two left feet.

With bars reopening, exotic dancers can once again bring home the bacon...

...but only one strip at a time.

As an Irish-American, I don't appreciate being called a "river dancer" by my own family doctor

Doctor: I said you have liver cancer

Who's the scariest dancer ever?

The Boogie Man

A pianist, a dancer and an alcoholic are attending a party

The doorman asks the pianist "what are you here for?", "I'm here to play music" and the doorman directs him to the instruments on stage.

The doorman asks the dancer "what are you here for?", "I'm here to get my groove on" and the doorman directs him to the dance floor.

The doorman asks...

Did u hear about the tap dancer

He fell into the sink

They say I have the legs of a dancer..

##

but until they find the rest of the body the cops have got nothing on me man!

First day as a cop

Me: “Suspect is dancing naked in the street.”

Dispatch: “Copy that.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll try, but I’m not much of a dancer.”

Rudolph had to ask Santa why Dasher and Dancer are always taking coffee breaks?

Santa: Because those two are my star bucks.

Why do dancers like loose fitting trousers?

They’re better for ball room.

My wife and I were at a show watching a beautiful dancer on stage...

Wife: Did you just wolf-whistle when she did the splits?

Me: Um no, it was probably just trapped air escaping.

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What do disco dancers use to stimulate sexual desire?

Afro-disiacs

thanks, i'll be here all week, unfortunately

My wife suggested I get an erection enhancer .

So I did.

Her name is Tamy, shes a 21 yr old dancer

I like to wash my dishes to the sound of music

I guess that makes me a tap dancer

Why is car insurance higher for lap dancers?

They run a higher risk of being rear-ended.

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My grandpa told me “All you kids do these days is play video games.”

“When I was your age”, he continued, “my buddies and I went to Paris, We went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, pissed on the bartender and didn’t pay for my drinks all night!”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the Moulin Rouge with his frien...

Why do morris dancers wear bells?

So the blind can be irritated by them as well

What playing cards are the best dancers.

The king and queen of clubs.

Did you hear about the young american indian frog tribe?

They were tad-pole dancers.

I love dances at weddings ...

Especially since I'm not a great dancer. Most of the songs tell you what to do. Like when they play "Do The Twist," you twist. They play "Jump Around", you jump around ... There was, however, that unfortunate night I got kicked out when the DJ played "Come On Eileen."

I wonder if Tap Dancers

Ever look at a floor and think “Yeah, I’d tap that! I’d tap that hard!!”

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Why musicians start on 1-2-3-4 while dancers start on 5-6-7-8?

Because those twats are always late.

Why was the limbo dancer shocked when his wallet was stolen right out of his back pocket?

Because he didn’t think anyone could stoop so low.

A pro Limbo Dancer walks into a bar.

He is immediately disqualified from the competition.

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An IRS agent walks into a strip club.

An IRS agent walks into a strip club.

After settling down near the stage with his drink, he pulls out a bunch of parsley and tries to stuff a few sprigs into the dancer's garter.

The dancer yells at him, "What the hell are you doing?!?"

The agent responds, "I'm here to garnish y...

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Three kingdoms border a lake in the shape of an obtuse triangle

One kingdom lies on each side of the lake. For decades, the king's had argued over it's true owner, each claiming to be the first kingdom to settle there, and many tales of magical swords and godly favours to claim divine right. Eventually, this storytelling and legal battling came to no conclusion,...

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Did you hear about the dancer that was killed in the stripper bar?

Now the place is haunted with en-titties.

There are dedicated detectives who investigate especially heinous crimes as members of an elite squad known as the SVU. This is one of their less successful stories...

In a stake-out operation at a local bar, an undercover SVU officer was approached by Eva, an exotic dancer, who offered him a private lap dance in the back room. Within seconds, before starting her routine, she was arrested and charged with solicitation.

Later at trial, her defence lawyer i...

A bus load of blind people were on a day trip and the bus driver starts getting tired...

He says to the blind people, "I'm pretty knackered. I'm going to stop at the next pub for a bite to eat and a drink, what are you all going to do?"

One of them replies, "No worries, we'll have a little game of football." "Football?!" The driver cries, "But you're all blind!"

The blind...

Table Dancer

A man goes to a bar and sees a 'larger' girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Why was Al Gore scientifically a great dancer?

Because of his Al Gore Rythyms.

Why do Irish dancers only dance with their legs?

Cause all the arms have been decommissioned.

In what way is the future generation of fortnite dancers like alcohol?

They’re both depressants

If I win the lottery, I'm going to give all the money to charity.

After all, she's my favourite dancer down at the Jiggly Hut.

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Professional butt dancers are just like you and I

They get up, get ready and go t’werk

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A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

'Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send three well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress un...

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A bus full of blind people was traveling on the road.

After driving for a long time, the bus driver gets tired and needs to rest. He parks the bus near a cafeteria.

"I'm going to eat lunch and take a rest," the driver says to the blind passengers. "I'll come back in an hour."

"No problem," says one of the blind men. "We'll play soccer whi...

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How Bangkok became the capital of Thailand

Long ago there was a king of Thailand, and he unfortunately passed away due to old age. However the people of Thailand saw this as an opportunity to grow and create a capital and have a new young robust leader.

The people decided to go to the surrounding tribes and select a few fit young men ...

How many dancers does it take to change a light bulb?

Five… six… seven… eight!

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[OC] A sketchy looking guy asks a stripper if she'll join him on a spiritual quest in the Las Vegas desert.

She knows she would be dumb to accept the invitation, but she asks her manager for advice first just in case. His response is simple:


"There are no stupid quest shuns; only stupid dancers."

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman all get caught by the Iraqis. Sounds painful, but the head captor tells them "You are all to be shot- but it is tradition and a mark of honour to grant the first four prisoners of war whatsoever they wish before they are executed."...

...The Welshman says "Well then. It'd be bladdy magic to hear an 'undred members of the Welsh male voice choir all singing 'Land of my Fathers'. Smashin'. Yaki Da!."

The Scotsman says "Wehw, Ah wanna hund'ed bag-pipers aw playin' 'Flower of Scotland'."

Then the Irishman says "Oi tink O...

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Three women go out to a nightclub to see male dancers

One of the women wants to impress the others, so she pulls out a $10 bill and waves the dancer over. She licks the $10 bill and sticks it to his left buttock Not to be outdone, the second woman pulls out a $20 bill, licks it, and slaps it on the other cheek. The dancer looks down at the third woman...

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You've never heard of the 10th Reindeer?

The first eight are Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen.

The 9th is Rudolth the red nosed reindeer, and the 10th is the jerk called Olive.

Why do i call him a jerk? You know... Olive the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.

A man went to an art museum

And, as fate would have it, he happened to be in the Impressionist gallery when an earthquake struck. The walls began to shake, and, instinctively, he stuck out his limbs to try to secure himself. When the dust had settled, he found himself stepping on a painting of several dancers, which was precar...

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I'm going to open a strip club where the dancers rap.

And call it titty bars

Irish line dancers have superior form

Hands down.

Dasher, dancer, prancer, and vixen.

The four stages of Bruce Jenner.

A young kid from the inner city only ever dreamed of being a dancer

Lacey worked really hard and started to gain some attention until a tragic accident destroyed her left knee. She lost her job at the dance company and thus her insurance, leaving her with a shattered knee and broken dreams.

Then she saw a commercial for these brand new knee replacements, Mah...

Social distancing

I logged on to Facebook the other day only to post on my daughter's wall that she's a horrible dancer.
She asked why I would do such a thing.
I told her because I heard we were supposed to be "social diss dancing"

good dancer

Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.

I thought I could never be a good dancer until I discovered Dance Dance Revolution. Though I've only really mastered one move,

it's a step in the right direction.

I finally figured out why your sister is not a ballet dancer...

Because every time she does a split, she sticks to the floor.

I tried to be a tap dancer

but I kept falling in the sink!

(thank you, british uncle ken for that dry humor)

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Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers.

Most strippers have little or no coverage.

Did you hear about that girl from Boston who got in trouble for being a bad dancer?

She told her parents that she was an erratic dancer.

Why aren't Pokémon very good dancers?

They can only learn 4 moves.

Dancer Joke

actually, I don't understand this one,customer told me,then left b4 he explained it to me. ok, he said,
"What is the difference between a lapdancer and a magician." and I said,"What?" and then he said this,twice,since I didn't laugh. "A magician has a cunning stunt."
Then his friends told him...

What's the difference between a belly dancer and an incompetent pastry chef?

One shakes body parts and the other bakes shoddy tarts.

What do you call a Satanist dancer?

A ba'al-erina.

What is the most common death among square dancers?

Over Do-se-do.

What did the animal control officer ask the Hawaiian dancer?

Hula the dogs out?

Why does the left foot get all the blame if you're a poor dancer? "Oh, you have two left feet. Hur hur hur"

I guess it is #rightprivilege

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An old man tsks at his great-grandson playing Fortnite

"This is what you kids do for fun these days? Why back in my day, we'd go to the Moulin Rouge in Paris, fuck all the dancers, piss all over the bar, and leave without paying!"

He didn't think anything more of it until a month later when his great-grandson limped into his house on a pair of cr...

“Well, why are you crying?” - Fairy asked.

"Because everything is oooov... is oooov.... is over!"

Cinderella wept so violently that she could barely speak. And, even more so, to listen. Fairy decided to wait. Let the goddaughter calm down a bit.

A few minutes later, Cinderella blew her nose in the apron and said almost calmly...

A man is sitting in a bar looking sad....

(friend of mine told me this forever ago. I'm sure its been posted here before)

The bartender asks, “Why you so down?”

Man replies, “Well, no girls will talk to me because I have this wooden eye and it freaks them out.”

Bartender thinks for a moment, “See that cute girl sitting ...

An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land,

and the leader of the captors said, "We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish."

The Englishman responds, "I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the ...

Why are hula dancers so pretentious?

Because their hips stir.

Why do bad break-dancers get reduced prison sentences?

Time served

I'm not a great lap dancer,

I've got two left cheeks.

There was this little girl sitting on the English side of the English Channel, bawling her eyes out. This pigeon was flying over and spotted her, so the pigeon flew down and asked what was wrong.

The little girl told the pigeon that she wanted to be a ballet dancer more than anything, but the only way she could be a ballet dancer was to get to France, being really the only place that teaches ballet.
After thinking for a moment, the pigeon told the little girl to wait and he would return.<...

Sometimes you have to step on people's toes if you want to progress in life.

Unless you hope to be a professional ballroom dancer.

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A boy was upstairs playing computer games when his granddad came in the room and sat down on the bed.



"What are you doing?" asks granddad. "You're eighteen years old: you’re wasting your life! When I was eighteen I went to Paris; I went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, felt up one of the dancers on stage, pissed on the barman and left without paying. Now *that’s* how to have a good time...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman and a Irishman are captured by Isis.

The executioner lines the men in a row and says that each of them can have one final wish. He starts by asking the Irishman what his wish is.

"My wish is to have 1000 Irish tap dancers tapping during my execution."

"Granted." The executioner replied and then proceeded to ask the Scotsm...

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So Ms. Delinsky is trying to get her 4th-graders to settle down for a quiz.

She's been having real problems with her newest year of students, who as always seem way rowdier than the year before them. She blames smart phones and internet memes for this. However, Ms. Delinsky a clever lady, and she thinks she has a plan. She's going to start a 'meme' in her class: Quiz Positi...

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11 Reasons To Go To Work Naked

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources.
4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
5. To stop tho...

The dancing aliens (LONG)

On the first contact mission to Mars two astronauts where sent up to make contact with the other worldly beings. After 300 long days in the space ship the astronauts finally landed on Mars what they saw deeply surprised them they saw 2 beautiful humanoid figures welcoming them with open arms. The as...

When I went to Poland I saw the greatest dancing group in the country

When my wife asked what I did there I told her I saw the worlds best pole dancers!

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There were three young priests...

about to take their final vows. The last test they had to pass was a celibacy test. For this, all three had to strip naked and tie a little bell around their penis. A belly dancer entered the room, and started slinking around the first priest. 'Ting-a-ling!'

The chief priest said 'Oh Patrick,...

The Donald has been working hard so the first lady takes him to a gentleman's club for a night out...

They arrive and the doorman says, Nice to see you again, Mr. President.

Have you been here before? Asks the first lady.

No. He's the doorman at one of my golf clubs.

They go inside and the waitress asks, do you want your usual drink Mr. President?

The first lady can't bel...

Drawing pictures on a date

The owner of a large furniture store in the midwest arrived in France on a buying trip. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. However, she only spoke French and he only spoke English, so each couldn't understand a word the other spoke.

He to...

I went to see the ballet, and..

..all the dancers were standing on tiptoe.

I said,"Why don't they just get taller dancers?"

Punctuation is very important...

There's a Maypole dancer.

Theresa May, pole dancer.

A PhD student, a post-doc, and their professor are walking through a city park.

They find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the PhD student.

“I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a go...

OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME!

A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blond woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.

She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that ...

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