They say I have the legs of a dancer..

##

but until they find the rest of the body the cops have got nothing on me man!

Rudolph had to ask Santa why Dasher and Dancer are always taking coffee breaks?

Santa: Because those two are my star bucks.

Why are dogs bad dancers?

Because they have two left feet.

My wife and I were at a show watching a beautiful dancer on stage...

Wife: Did you just wolf-whistle when she did the splits?

Me: Um no, it was probably just trapped air escaping.

Why do dancers like loose fitting trousers?

They’re better for ball room.

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What do disco dancers use to stimulate sexual desire?

Afro-disiacs

thanks, i'll be here all week, unfortunately

I used to be a tap dancer

Until I fell in the sink

Why is car insurance higher for lap dancers?

They run a higher risk of being rear-ended.

Why do morris dancers wear bells?

So the blind can be irritated by them as well

What playing cards are the best dancers.

The king and queen of clubs.

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Why musicians start on 1-2-3-4 while dancers start on 5-6-7-8?

Because those twats are always late.

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You've never heard of the 10th Reindeer?

The first eight are Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen.

The 9th is Rudolth the red nosed reindeer, and the 10th is the jerk called Olive.

Why do i call him a jerk? You know... Olive the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.

[First day as a rookie cop.]

Me: Dispatch, suspect is dancing down Main street, completely nude.


Dispatch: Copy that.


Me: Well I'll try but I'm not much of a dancer.

I wonder if Tap Dancers

Ever look at a floor and think “Yeah, I’d tap that! I’d tap that hard!!”

Why was the limbo dancer shocked when his wallet was stolen right out of his back pocket?

Because he didn’t think anyone could stoop so low.

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My grandpa told me “All you kids do these days is play video games.”

“When I was your age”, he continued, “my buddies and I went to Paris, We went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, pissed on the bartender and didn’t pay for my drinks all night!”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the Moulin Rouge with his frien...

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Did you hear about the dancer that was killed in the stripper bar?

Now the place is haunted with en-titties.

A pro Limbo Dancer walks into a bar.

He is immediately disqualified from the competition.

“Well, why are you crying?” - Fairy asked.

"Because everything is oooov... is oooov.... is over!"

Cinderella wept so violently that she could barely speak. And, even more so, to listen. Fairy decided to wait. Let the goddaughter calm down a bit.

A few minutes later, Cinderella blew her nose in the apron and said almost calmly...

Why was Al Gore scientifically a great dancer?

Because of his Al Gore Rythyms.

In what way is the future generation of fortnite dancers like alcohol?

They’re both depressants

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Professional butt dancers are just like you and I

They get up, get ready and go t’werk

Why do Irish dancers only dance with their legs?

Cause all the arms have been decommissioned.

Table Dancer

A man goes to a bar and sees a 'larger' girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

A man is sitting in a bar looking sad....

(friend of mine told me this forever ago. I'm sure its been posted here before)

The bartender asks, “Why you so down?”

Man replies, “Well, no girls will talk to me because I have this wooden eye and it freaks them out.”

Bartender thinks for a moment, “See that cute girl sitting ...

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An old man tsks at his great-grandson playing Fortnite

"This is what you kids do for fun these days? Why back in my day, we'd go to the Moulin Rouge in Paris, fuck all the dancers, piss all over the bar, and leave without paying!"

He didn't think anything more of it until a month later when his great-grandson limped into his house on a pair of cr...

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Three women go out to a nightclub to see male dancers

One of the women wants to impress the others, so she pulls out a $10 bill and waves the dancer over. She licks the $10 bill and sticks it to his left buttock Not to be outdone, the second woman pulls out a $20 bill, licks it, and slaps it on the other cheek. The dancer looks down at the third woman...

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I'm going to open a strip club where the dancers rap.

And call it titty bars

Irish line dancers have superior form

Hands down.

A young kid from the inner city only ever dreamed of being a dancer

Lacey worked really hard and started to gain some attention until a tragic accident destroyed her left knee. She lost her job at the dance company and thus her insurance, leaving her with a shattered knee and broken dreams.

Then she saw a commercial for these brand new knee replacements, Mah...

good dancer

Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.

How many dancers does it take to change a light bulb?

Five… six… seven… eight!

I thought I could never be a good dancer until I discovered Dance Dance Revolution. Though I've only really mastered one move,

it's a step in the right direction.

An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land,

and the leader of the captors said, "We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish."

The Englishman responds, "I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the ...

I finally figured out why your sister is not a ballet dancer...

Because every time she does a split, she sticks to the floor.

Did you hear about that girl from Boston who got in trouble for being a bad dancer?

She told her parents that she was an erratic dancer.

Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers.

Most strippers have little or no coverage.

I tried to be a tap dancer

but I kept falling in the sink!

(thank you, british uncle ken for that dry humor)

What's the difference between a belly dancer and an incompetent pastry chef?

One shakes body parts and the other bakes shoddy tarts.

Dasher, dancer, prancer, and vixen.

The four stages of Bruce Jenner.

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A US Navy cruiser is anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship’s Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner, who was also the sister of a highly respected Admiral:

“Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda’s Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-m...

What do you call a Satanist dancer?

A ba'al-erina.

Sometimes you have to step on people's toes if you want to progress in life.

Unless you hope to be a professional ballroom dancer.

Why does the left foot get all the blame if you're a poor dancer? "Oh, you have two left feet. Hur hur hur"

I guess it is #rightprivilege

What's Al Gore's dancer name?

Algorithm.

What did the animal control officer ask the Hawaiian dancer?

Hula the dogs out?

What is the most common death among square dancers?

Over Do-se-do.

There was this little girl sitting on the English side of the English Channel, bawling her eyes out. This pigeon was flying over and spotted her, so the pigeon flew down and asked what was wrong.

The little girl told the pigeon that she wanted to be a ballet dancer more than anything, but the only way she could be a ballet dancer was to get to France, being really the only place that teaches ballet.
After thinking for a moment, the pigeon told the little girl to wait and he would return.<...

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So Ms. Delinsky is trying to get her 4th-graders to settle down for a quiz.

She's been having real problems with her newest year of students, who as always seem way rowdier than the year before them. She blames smart phones and internet memes for this. However, Ms. Delinsky a clever lady, and she thinks she has a plan. She's going to start a 'meme' in her class: Quiz Positi...

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A boy was upstairs playing computer games when his granddad came in the room and sat down on the bed.



"What are you doing?" asks granddad. "You're eighteen years old: you’re wasting your life! When I was eighteen I went to Paris; I went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, felt up one of the dancers on stage, pissed on the barman and left without paying. Now *that’s* how to have a good time...

The dancing aliens (LONG)

On the first contact mission to Mars two astronauts where sent up to make contact with the other worldly beings. After 300 long days in the space ship the astronauts finally landed on Mars what they saw deeply surprised them they saw 2 beautiful humanoid figures welcoming them with open arms. The as...

Why are hula dancers so pretentious?

Because their hips stir.

I'm not a great lap dancer,

I've got two left cheeks.

When I went to Poland I saw the greatest dancing group in the country

When my wife asked what I did there I told her I saw the worlds best pole dancers!

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Three kingdoms lay on a triangle lake

One kingdom lies on each side of the lake. For decades, the king's had argued over it's true owner, each claiming to be the first kingdom to settle there, and many tales of magical swords and godly favours to claim divine right. Eventually, this story telling and legal battling came to no conclusion...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman and a Irishman are captured by Isis.

The executioner lines the men in a row and says that each of them can have one final wish. He starts by asking the Irishman what his wish is.

"My wish is to have 1000 Irish tap dancers tapping during my execution."

"Granted." The executioner replied and then proceeded to ask the Scotsm...

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11 Reasons To Go To Work Naked

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources.
4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
5. To stop tho...

Drawing pictures on a date

The owner of a large furniture store in the midwest arrived in France on a buying trip. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. However, she only spoke French and he only spoke English, so each couldn't understand a word the other spoke.

He to...

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There were three young priests...

about to take their final vows. The last test they had to pass was a celibacy test. For this, all three had to strip naked and tie a little bell around their penis. A belly dancer entered the room, and started slinking around the first priest. 'Ting-a-ling!'

The chief priest said 'Oh Patrick,...

Punctuation is very important...

There's a Maypole dancer.

Theresa May, pole dancer.

I went to see the ballet, and..

..all the dancers were standing on tiptoe.

I said,"Why don't they just get taller dancers?"

A PhD student, a post-doc, and their professor are walking through a city park.

They find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the PhD student.

“I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a go...

A critic reserves a table at a popular restaurant

It's quite posh, but the restaurant's real claim to fame is the speed of service.

Sure enough, everything flows like clockwork. The diner is seated shortly after arriving, and a waiter arrives quickly to take his order.

While he's waiting for food, the man kids around the restaurant. T...

Mr. Mole told Mrs. Mole he would have to work late at the bakery.

He comes home and she is furious. She says don't lie to me …
you were at the Bottoms Up bar getting lap dances from the female mole dancers! He said "why would you say that?" She exclaimed "Because your clothes smell like molasses.

OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME!

A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blond woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.

She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that ...

A grandfather went to visit his son's family...

A grandfather went to visit his son's family. When he arrived, he found his nineteen-year-old grandson slumped on the couch, playing video games and surrounded by half-empty bags of chips.

"You're wasting your life!" he said sternly. "By the time I was your age, I'd gone to Paris, went to the...

Fancy Strip Club

I found my self at a strip club one evening. Apparently it was a nice one because when I pulled out a dollar bill to tip one of the dancers she promptly told me "sorry darling but we only take big bills here." without missing a beat I said "no problem hun, all I have are big bills." i winked at her,...

Funny & dirty strip club joke

A man went to a strip club and took a seat in the front row. As soon as the first dancer walked out the guy directly behind him yelled "yh Baby thats what i've been waiting for." the man in the front row turned around and gave him a dirty look.

A few minutes later the stripper took of her to...

Vincent Van Gogh's Relatives

His Obnoxious brother: Please Gogh.
His Dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
His prune-loving brother: Gotta Gogh.
His Convenience-Store-Owner cousin: Stop'n'Gogh
His Constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The Ballroom dancer aunt: Tan Gogh
His Nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
His Fruit Loving cousin: M...

Alcohol and life

Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.

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general knowledge quiz

Teacher: "Good morning children, each Thursday we're going to have a general knowledge quiz.

The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday."

Wee Jock (a typical Scottish wag) thinks, "Ya dancer. Ah'm pure dead brilliant at ...

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