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Goof Jokes

My chemistry teacher exploded when he caught me goofing around in the lab

I accidentally made nitroglycerin.

A woman goes into a restaurant with 15 kids.

The kids start goofing around while she's talking to the waitress. The mom gets impatient and yells, "Eddy! Stop that! Or else!" All 15 boys suddenly sit down, obedient and quiet.

The waitress asks, **"Did you really name all 15 of your boys Eddy?"**

"Yup," says the woman. "Makes it ea...

Little Johnny is goofing off in math class and Ms. McHeiney calls on him.

"Johnny, three birds are sitting on a fence, you shoot one of them how many are left." Johnny sits up straight and says "none, the bang would make the others fly away." Ms. McHeiney says, "well, the answer is two, but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says "OK, I have one for y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The great thing about goofy people is that they're always goofing off

Now jerks on the other hand...

When I was a kid, I goofed around with my dad’s coffee maker before he got done cleaning it.

I managed to get myself grounded.

The NEW CEO

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.

The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth.
The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them...

There are those who check their cellphone battery life at the end of a work day to see how much they goofed off..

And then there are those with cellphone chargers.

2 little kids, Billy and Tom, are goofing around in a cannibal village. Billys mum sticks her head out and yells...

"Billy, stop playing with your food!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do blind people hate sky diving?

It scares the shit out of their dogs

I think someone from Russia is trying to hack my account.

Edit: Oh, Me such goof. I are not hack by Russia. The motherland is innocent. Good wishes bye!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was having trouble sleeping at night....

....due to a persistent and irrational phobia of monsters being under his bed. Despite knowing that there were no such things as monsters, his brain refused to let go of the fear that had haunted him all his life. He was undergoing therapy with a psychologist, but had gotten nowhere in several years...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kanye’s rise to fame

Right before dropping out of college and kick starting his rap career, Kanye West went to visit his wealthy aunt, Shirlie Faulker, who owned a rubber products manufacturing factory on the outskirts of Paris, France. He decided to spend his summer break working at the factory part time while deciding...

Hey girl are you legs broken?

Make up the other half of this pickup line in the comments.

Edit
Totally goofed it up in the title. Oh well, I had a few drinks last night and things happened.

*Are your legs broken?

Priest hears man's last wishes

His priest, his lovely wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are at his side.
He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a video recorder be in place to record his last wishes.
He begins to speak. "My son, John, I want you to take the Epic Ocean houses."
"My daughter Donna, you take the apart...

Why was Edward unable to get out of Russia?

Because he was Snowd en!

(according to my friends this joke has been around for awhile, but I hadn't seen it yet, and wanted to share the goof)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Complisult !!!

Two high-school buddies were attending the senior prom. "Suzy wants to go out to my car. She's really hot," one boy said.


"I'm really nervous. I know I'll goof up!"


"Take it easy," his friend assured him. "All you gotta do is compliment her. Chicks love to be complemented. You'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some Gorillas are getting drunk in the Belgian Congo... (NSFW)

So some gorillas are having some beers and goofing off at the edge of the forest in the Belgian Congo, clowning on each other, doing impressions, etc. one of them looks toward the bordering savanna and notices a lion intently stalking a distant antelope.

“Check out Mr. King of the Jungle ove...

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