This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between how daredevils and porn actresses become famous?

Daredevils get famous because of their cunning stunts.

(I thought that one up myself)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After a terrible cruise shipwreck, famous beauty and actress Scarlett Johansson finds herself alone on a deserted island. Hours pass, and only one other man makes it to the island with her. They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was, of course.

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed this guy learned how to provide food and shelter, and started taking care of her, and she took care of him in return. Eventually she started really caring about him. After all, there wasn't anyone else on the island. He eventually built a cabin, had a...

I know a film director that only hires overweight actors and actresses, even if they're terrible.

I think it's flabbercasting.

The lead actress for Avatar Korra is going to be so hard for M. Knight Shyamalan to cast

Gotcha :)

Dad, are you having a crush on a young popular actress?

Am I what, son?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy halts his car near a prostitutes.

„How much for a blowjob“ he asks.
„50“ she answers.
„Great, hop in“ he says.

She gets in the car, takes the $50 and gets down on him. After she‘s done, the guy says „That was so hot, here‘s another $100 just for you.“ She‘s surprised but pleased. She takes the money and gets out of the ...

What's the difference between a hooker and an actress?

I don't think that's a very good defense mr weinstein

In church I heard an old lady saying a prayer

It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share with you:-
"Dear Lord,
This has been a tough couple of years.
You have taken my favourite actor Patrick Swayze.
My favourite pop singer Michael Jackson.
My favourite Blues artist BB King.
My favourite actress Elizabeth Taylor....

I like the way that the main actress in *Interstellar* delivered her lines

She just Hathaway with words

You know, I bet that actress from The Devil Wears Prada could do anything she puts her mind to.

Where Anne Hathawill,

Anne Hathaway.

Elsa from Frozen is now an adult film actress starring in

Let it grow

“Did you hear about that Hollywood actress who was stabbed?”

“What was her name again?? Reece something...”

“Witherspoon?”

“No, with a knife!”

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?


DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?


MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????


DAD: No, it was with a knife...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do I, after a week of game binging, have in common with a hardcore anal porn actress/actor ?

It's a pain in the ass afterwards, and I have to learn to walk again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy dies and suddenly finds himself in Hell...

He trepidatiously follows the crowd towards the Gates of Hell. He finds a demon holding a piece of cardboard with his name on it.

"Craig?," asks the demon as the man approaches.

"Y... yes," answers Craig, unsure of how to handle the situation.

"Hi. I'm Ed. I know what you're thi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Recently divorced young actress looking for new husband

A recent divorced pretty young actress posted on internet that she is looking for new husband that never hit, never run and good at sex. Next morning she heard someone banging on the door extremely loud. She opened the door and saw a man without arms or legs.

"Who the hell you think you are...

Did you see that the actress Kristen Stewart just coauthored a paper on artificial intelligence?

And it is still a better love story than Twilight.

What's an adult actress' favourite drink?

7-Up in Cider.

Who is Goofy's favorite actress?

Selma HYUCK

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is common between a porn actress and the covid virus

They love to be covered in protein.

I saw the actress who is in Cougartown and Freeks and Geeks at a store today. I shouted at her to ask her name but she continued what she was doing and left quickly after that

I guess she was busy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple of Italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they'd rather bang

One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."

The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"

"I don't know"

"Actress?"

"I don't know."

"Singer?"

"I don't know."

"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"

The ...

Did you hear about the actress tho got stabbed?

A girl asked her mum, "Did you hear about the actress tho got stabbed?"

The mum replied "no who?"

The girl said "Reese something"

The mum said " Witherspoon??"

The girl responded "Nah with a knife"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do porn actresses say to each other when they see a hot new hunk on set?

Get a load of that guy!

Anne is such a great actress.

You might say...she Hathaway with words.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Being a porn actress is a horrible career choice.

You work for a dick and you can’t retire until after 69.

Hollywood marriages

TV interviewer: You were married four times: to a banker, to an actor, to a minister, and to an undertaker. Can you tell me why?

Legendary actress: Well, it was One for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready, and Four to go!



(I'll see myself out, no need to push...)

If 157 awards makes you an overrated actress, what does 6 bankruptcies make a businessman?

President of the United States

You know how all these actresses are pulling out of Georgia over the abortion thing...





don't they know that isn't effective birth control?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW Porn actors/actresses aren’t just good at sex.

They’re fucking professionals!

Actresses and actors who lose an Oscar all get the opportunity to act together.

Happy for the person who won.

The agent of a beautiful actress discovered that the actress had been selling her body for $100 a night.

The agent, who had fantasised about her for long, had never dreamt that she was so easily obtainable. He approached her and told her how much she turned him on and how he wanted to do her.

She agreed to spend the night with him but said that he would have to pay the same $100 other customers...

A man came up to me at work and asked if I had heard of the Actress that was killed..

I said “Who?”

“Reese!”

“Witherspoon?”

“Actually, with her knife”

Day = Made

How do you cheat on your wife with an adult actress and commit tax fraud without consequences?

Win the Republican nomination.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The actress who played the lead role in the local theatre production of “ Anne Frank’s Diary” was so bad

That the scene where the Nazis entered the stage and said "where is she" the audience shouted "she's in the attic".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a doctor prescribe a hardcore porn actress, when her vagina is too swollen to work?

Antifistamines.

Actress: I want to be in the Aladdin remake.

Harvey Weinstein: All you have to do is rub my lamp.

An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.

As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.

Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.

"Uncanny!" He thought. "I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the porn director say to his actors and actress?

"I love it when a plan comes together"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the aspiring actress who was told her only future was in porn?

She took it pretty hard.

"Did you hear about that actress who killed her self?"

"Did you hear about that actress who killed herself? Her name was Reese something-or-other... I don't remember."

"Witherspoon?"

"No, no... with her knife."

--

A joke my 5th grade teacher told me years ago

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Big Bang Theory

# Some Background Info

The TV show "The Big Bang Theory" was created by Chuck Lorre. At the end of each episode he inserted a one screen humorous comment.

While season 4 was being produced, the lead actress had a horseback riding accident unrelated to the show which caused her a broke...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy was obsessed with the Brigitte Bardot...

The French actress was a sex symbol in the 50s and 60s and was often referred to, just by her initials – B.B.

His wife thought he would indulge her husband’s obsession and decided to get a tattoo of the initials “B B”, with one letter on each of her butt cheeks. When she got home that night,...

Which actress stays consistent, especially in the winter time?

Eva Green

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just found out that my sister is an actress in porno movies. That really drives me crazy

and That really drives me crazy: Part 2

Which actress do you bring for a round of miniature golf?

Minnie Driver

Did you hear about the Hollywood actress that got murdered...?

Person 1: Her name was Reese, errr, Reese, Reese whatshername...

Person 2: Witherspoon?

Person 1: No, with a knife.

Did you hear that actress from Legally Blonde was stabbed?

Me: Yeah. She was stabbed in California, in broad day light. The one from legally blonde. Reese....Something.... with-er... um...with-uh... ..ummm...

Friend: Witherspoon?

Me: No. With a knife.

What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?

Shirley you can't be Sirius.

How many aspiring actresses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know - normally they screw in the casting director's hot tub

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Former pornstar walks into a bar

Former porn actress walks into a bar and sees one of her old coworkers. They get to talking and the active porn actress asks her why she quit.

Well, they keep wanting me to do weirder and weirder stuff. At first it was just BDSM. But then they pushed me to do beastiality which I really regre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Irish county lottery (my step mother's joke)

(Imagine it said with an Irish brogue). Mrs. O'Leary wins the limerick county lottery. All of her friends ask Her what she's going to do with all the money! "A new car?", "A vacation?", " A fur coat?". Mrs. O'Leary tells them all:" Oh no, I've always wanted to have a milk bath like all those famous...

Did any one hear that a famous actress was recently stabbed while eating dinner at a restaurant in Hollywood? Her name was Reese. .....?

If you were thinking Witherspoon you're wrong it was Withherknife.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was with a few friends in the pub.

"Hey," I told them, "my girlfriend's over there."



"Oh yeah? What does she do?"



"She's an actress...one of the best in the business."



We got to her table and I put my hand on her shoulder.



I said, "Hey honey, I thought I'd just introduce you...

A teenage boy is talking with his friends.

A teenage boy is talking with his friends.

One of them asks - "How would you react if you recognized your favorite actor or actress in the streets?"

He responds - "I doubt I'd recognize them."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't often look at their face."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother serves a creamy yellow soup to her son and his girlfriend at the dinner tablr

Everyone begins consuming it immediately. The girlfriend, an aspiring theater actress, says to her boyfriend’s mother, “This soup is absolutely delicious! What’s the secret ingredient?”

“Piss,” replied his mother.

Everyone promptly spits out their soup.

“Excuse me?” asks his ...

What was Tom Cruises first marriage called?

The Manchild vs. Kidman


——

Please go easy, I know it’s not a very current topic but I just came up with the pun on this wonderful actresses name.

The cashier got my wife with this at the store just now then she got me at home with it. It only works verbally, but I wanted to share.

Cashier: Did you hear about the famous actress that stabbed her husband today?

wife: No who?

Cashier: Reese...um...

Wife: Witherspoon?

Cashier: No, with her knife!

Did you see the news?

Tim: John did you see the news yesterday?

John: No shy?

Tim: an actress was killed! She got stabbed to death. Her name was um reese?

John: Witherspoon?

Tim: no with a knife John

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are dying...

Three old men are on their deathbeds. The first says "I've lived a good life. I've supported my family, I've donated to charity, I've lived a good life. But my greatest disappointment is never having sex with an absolutely beautiful woman."

The second man says "I'm a very rich man. I have sev...

William Shakespeare takes a potion and is propelled into the modern age.

Smart as ever, he rapidly learns the global situation in politics and entertainment and even becomes highly Internet literate.
He discovers that a famous actress has been named after his wife Anne Hathaway. He decides she is extremely beautiful but wants to meet her in person to determine if s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old Italian men are sitting on a bench arguing about who is the most desirable woman in the world.

The first says, “For me, it must be the greatest Italian actress, Sophia Loren. Every man who ever saw her movies fantasized about her.”

The second man replies, “That’s what I used to think, but now it must be this woman from the United States, Virginia Pipalini.”

“Who is that!? I’ve n...

When you hire a Private Detective?

An important politician was seen moving around with a film actress for a couple of months, with whom he finally decided to plunge into matrimony.

But being cautious, he hired a private detective for the job of looking into her past and finding out if she had any previous affairs with any men....

What do you call a woman that is beautiful and smart?

An actress.

Teacher ask her pupils what they want to be when they grow up

Children give usual answers: Bill wants to be a pilot, Sue wants to be an actress. But when it comes to little Dave, his answer is a shock to everyone. Dave wants to be a homeless alcoholic with no penny in his pocket.



20 years go by and Dave is now rich, Really Rich.

He stands...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Watching a sex scene with my parents is so awkward.

My mom is such a bad actress.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Impressing a date.

After weeks of trying everything he could think of accountant Frank Lester finally got the beautiful new secretary, Amanda, to agree to go out on a date with him. In an effort to impress the young woman Frank spared no expense: he hired a driver, wore his best suit, and managed to get reservations a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The best part of having a 75" TV is watching porn.

Now all the actresses look as wide as my wife.

So I was at a film awards event the other night... [nsfw]

I was at a film awards event the other night. I went to the toilet and an actress came out a cubicle with a white mark on her dress. I said to her "Oh did you spill some mayo?" and she replied "No its a Harvey Weinstain"😉

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Family tries to enter Porn

Mom: I'm gonna be the manager, you and Daddy will be the actors and actress.
Daughter: But Mom!...
Dad: Shhh sweetie, I incest..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two historians are discussing about the Holocaust

\- The holocaust wasn't that bad; says one of them.

\- Are you out of your mind?; the other one replies.

\- What if I were to kill 6 million Jews and one actress?

\- But why the actress?

\- See, nobody ever cares about the Jews.

I was driving out of the hospital parking ramp...

And I stopped to pay the attendant, an older man.

While he was getting change he casually said “you hear about the actress that was stabbed earlier today?”

I’m like “No! That’s terrible! Who was it?!?”

“Reese... umm... uhhh....”

“Witherspoon?!?”

“NO WITH A KNIFE!!!...

True story, happened to me today.

I asked my co-worker if she saw that article in the news about that actress, Reece.

She said no.

I said, "Apparently someone came up and stabbed her in a restaurant, that actress, uh, Reece Whatshername."

"*Witherspoon*??"

"No, I think they used a knife."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months.

One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man, The newspaper and the wife

A man was reading the newspaper during breakfast and said to his wife, "Look at this. Another beautiful actress is going to marry a baseball player who's a total dope!
I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the hottest wives."
His wife said, 'Thank you.'

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.