Todd Jokes

The teacher asked the class 'Who created the universe?'
Todd poked Claire with his pencil and she jumped up yelling 'GOD ALMIGHTY!'
'Correct Claire'
The class goes on for a few minutes and the teacher asks 'Now, can anyone tell me who died on the cross?'
Todd poked Claire again and she l... read more

The college dorm advisor heard strange noises from Todd's room, well after lights-out. He knocked on the door and said, "Todd, are you entertaining in there?" From behind the door, Todd answered, "Just a second I'll ask her!"

Employee turnover.

"Oh, really? Did *he* eat a lot of chocolate?"

"No, he minded his own damn business."

**Edit:** Credit where due -- [/u/samvet21 informs me](/r/Jokes/comments/8cnjvk/i_saw_a_little_boy_at_the_bus_stop_eating_a_giant/dxhf9ku/) that the original joke was by Philadelphia comedian [Todd Gl... read more

And to make it worse, his mom was always on his case about getting out and making something of himself. One day, sick of her nagging, he answered a help wanted ad.

“So you think you have what it takes to be a Repo man, Todd?” the interviewer asked.

“Sure, man. I got this.”

But T... read more

Jason asks "Why?" and Joker replies "this is a CROW bar!"



Then he beats him to death.

Brent: What did you do this weekend?

Todd: I took the wife on a trip up to Maine.

Brent: Bangor?

Todd: No, we just talked.

He sits down and the waiter approaches him.

Do you want to hear the daily specials sir? He asks.

"No thank you", says Todd, "let me smell your hand and I'll tell you want I'd like today".

So the waiter reluctantly proceeds to offer his hand to be smelled by this weird customer.<... read more

He booked a vacation to go skiing. Before his first trip down the mountain, he heard an unbelievable rumble, and before he could move he was covered in snow. He found shelter in a small cave and was able to start a fire and make himself comfortable until help arrived. After a few hours, there was a ... read more

Because he keeps Robin things.

Cancer.

Todd wants to get a tattoo of his girlfriend's name and decides to put it along his shaft. Now when he's erect it says "WENDY" and when he's flaccid it says "WY".

A few weeks later Todd and his girlfriend are taking a trip to Jamaica. As they're getting off the plane Todd has an urge to pee.... read more

My friend Todd tried it. He said he was going to die, and then he did.

All the kids had showed up to school wearing costumes, and their teacher decided that she was going to give a special prize to the spookiest costume among the bunch.

Teacher: Why that's a lovely ladybug costume Susie, though it's not the spooky spirit we need here.

Susie: Aww shucks.... read more

Jim: “My girlfriend and I are getting married on 9/16”

Todd:”No way! I’m also getting married that day, we should go tell the manager to request our days off while he’s here”

The two colleagues walked to their manager’s office together to request their days off.

“Hey boss, we’r... read more

To grip the broom better. Todd Packer The Office.

A Refund.

*This post is brought to you by "Todd Howard did Nothing Wrong" gang*

I go over to the man shooting and see he has shot the same precise hole every time.

I see it's Todd Howard, I ask him how he does it.
He says, "It's easy, just do the same thing every time."

Todd, Did you steal all my Knickers again?

Dammed Knickers taking all the good boys away from all the good prude women.

This from Todd Lewis, who has a great sense of humor.

We all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.

But did you know that:

* $666.95 - Retail price of the Beast
* $699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax
* $769.95 - Price of the Beast with all... read more