UPJOKE
jesterfoolemmett kellycircuscomedyanticpantomimejokecomedianwigbuffoonmagiciancircus clownslapstickwhiteface

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What does a clown and a pornstar have in common?

They both know how to juggle some serious balls.

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An old man named Steve is walking down the street and sees a clown walking towards him.

"Hey look, a clown!" Steve says. "Do you think you could make me laugh?"

The clown says, "Not now, I'm tired. I want to go home."

"Oh come on!" says Steve. "Show me a magic trick you sissy! Make me feel young again!"

Steve won't quit harassing him, so the clown reluctantly agre...

My 4yo's first real joke: Why did the clown go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling funny!

#prouddadmoment

An Oklahoma State Trooper pulls over a circus clown for speeding

The trooper asks the clown "Why were you driving so fast?" The clown says "I'm headed to Tulsa for a circus show and I don't want to be late." The trooper asks the clown "What do you do in the show?" "I'm a juggler" says the clown.

"Alright" says the trooper, "If you juggle for me here, I won...

What’s the difference between a comedian and a clown?

One leads Ukraine, the other leads Russia.

What's the best part about clown college spring break?

Everybody can go to Daytona Beach in one car

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I once dated a chick who had a side gig as a clown. [NSFW]

Her pussy always tasted funny.

I was recently attacked by a group of clowns.

The only way I could defend myself was to go for the juggler.

What do you call a clown after you've boiled it for 10 hours?

A laughing stock!

What clown has killed more children than "It"?

Ronald McDonald.

Two clowns are eating a cannibal...

One turns to the other and says...

"I think we got this joke wrong."

Yesterday a clown held a door open for me.

I thought it was a nice jester.

How do you fit ten clowns in a bmw

Chainsaw

What do clowns fill their cars with?

Laughing gas!

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This has probably been made before, but I just thought of it after my mom, while doing her crossword puzzle, said aloud "fuel for a funny car" and I suggested laughing gas. It wasn't the right answer, unfortunately.

Update, the answer is "Nitro" which i...

What do you get when you boil a clown?

A laughing stock.

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?

Because they taste funny.

Two cannibals are eating a clown

Then one asks the other “does something taste funny to you?”

What do you call a big, prejudiced, scary clown?

A big It

My wife dated a clown before she started going out with me.

I had some pretty big shoes to fill.

What's the difference between a clown and an athletic rabbit?

One is a little bit funny and the other is a little fit bunny

I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her. As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly...

"Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"

Two cannibal clowns are eating Jerry Seinfeld..

One asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"

The other replies, "Nah, it's just bland.. maybe a little dry."

How can you tell when a clown farts?

Because it smells funny.

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You hear about that girl that only has sex with clowns?

She’s fucking bonkers.

A duck walks into a pub

And waddles up to the bar with a newspaper under his wing and says

"I'll take a tuna sandwich and a coffee."

Now at first the bartender was a little taken aback because afterall how often do you see a talking duck? But being a good host he obliges his patron and serves up a tuna san...

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Did you hear about the model that fucked a clown?

It was pretty fucking funny.

Two clown cars crash in the middle of nowhere.

Over 50 died.

You’re going to clown college?

You can’t be serious.

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What’s the hardest part about having sex with a clown?

Cleaning the grease paint off your back

Please tag this nsfw I forgot how to.

Cyclists are like clowns

- They dress funny.

- They don't follow any rules.

- If anything bad happens to them, everyone laughs at them.

It’s not racist for a white person to put on white face

That’s just clowning around!

It’s not true that air travel has become a circus.

Circuses may feature the same level of animal cruelty, sadness and clowns as air travel, but circuses actually start on time.

3 clowns are in a judge's courtroom.

The judge, a little thrown off by the individuals turns to the attractive girl clown and asks,
"Miss, what brings you to my courtroom today?"
The girl clown responds,
"I'm here because I was blowing bubbles!"
The judge, even more confused, turns to the second clown. This one being a very...

My gf told me that I act like a clown

It was so unexpected and upsetting I stopped juggling and almost fell off my unicycle.

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Why did the clown take a bunch of laxatives?

For shits and giggles.

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A Labour politician, a BBC TV reporter and a British SAS soldier were captured by ISIS...

They were, as usual, sentenced to death by beheading.

Unexpectedly, the ISIS leader said they could have one last request before their sentence was carried out...

The Labour politician asked to hear a rendering of "Keep the Red Flag Flying Here".

The BBC TV reporter asked that t...

Where do clowns go to run?

*laughtrack*

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It's said that guys with big feet have big penises, and guys with big cars have small penises

Now I understand why so many people are afraid pf clowns

I just read about a group of suicide bombers that were dressed like clowns.

It's a really messed up story, but credit where credit's due...at least someone's trying to put the fun back in fundamentalism

My father was the best clown of all time.

When he died, all his friends came to his funeral in one car.

How many clowns can you fit in a Honda?

One more.

The other day I was attacked by a gang of clowns

So I went straight for the juggler.

A little boy and a clown are walking through the woods at 3 am...

The little boy says, "Golly! It sure is dark and scary out here!"

"You think you're scared," says the clown. "I'm the one who has to walk home all alone..."

Screw that clown from IT.

Always joking around when he should be fixing my computer.

What's a rodeo clown's favorite type of bar?

A honky tonk!

I've been asked to take over as Chief Clown...

I've got some big shoes to fill.

What is the difference between the Russian Military and Barnum and Bailey?

Barnum & Bailey only have three rings in their circus - and a lot less clowns!

A clown presents the new covid regulations.

Everyone dies laughing.

What did the shark say after eating a clown fish?

This tastes a little funny.

What do you call a drawing of a clown?

A comedy sketch.

What's the worst part about playing tag with a clown?

When the clown is it.

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My girlfriend likes it when I dress up as scary clown when we have sex

I think she has a Stephen Kink.

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I dated this mime/clown for a while.

After every argument, the silent treatment was awful, but the make-up sex was incredible.

I met a woman last week who said she wanted a guy who's funny and spontaneous

Yet when I tapped on the window late at night wearing a clown suit it was all panic and screaming.

What do you call a clown that saves money by being homeless?

Penny wise

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As told to me by an 85 year old shriner clown.

Little 8 year old Susie is in her back yard digging a hole. Her neighbor Mr. Johnson peeks over the fence and says "gee Susie, what's going on?"

Susie says "I'm digging a hole, it's pretty obvious."

Mr. Johnson asks "why are you digging a hole?"

Susie replies "I'm burying my gol...

Dude, that scary clown followed us to Wales.

Welsh It.

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What did Gordon Ramsay say when he caught a clown in bed with the Egyptian Sun God?

IT's fucking Ra

I don't like that clown from IT.

He's always fooling around and cracking jokes instead of fixing our computers.

I read that the three most popular Halloween costumes this year are clown, pumpkin, and dinosaur.

I'm capitalizing on this trend by selling costumes of Trump.

Did you hear they invented an automatic pen and paper for clowns?

The joke writes itself

"Look Dad! The clowns are leaving the circus to go get food!"

"Son how many times do I have to tell you? Those are called *Senators* leaving the *Capitol*"

Stalin is attending the premiere of a Soviet comedy movie with his fellow Party members.

He laughs and grins throughout the film, but after it ends he says, "Well, I liked the comedy. But that clown had a moustache just like mine. Shoot him."

Everyone is speechless, until someone sheepishly suggests, "Comrade Stalin, maybe the actor shaves off his moustache?"

Stalin replie...

A baby clown fell down and broke a bone.

The doctor told the baby clown’s father that they broke the bone in between their shoulder and elbow.

The man laughs.

“Why would you laugh!?”

“Its humerus.”

If you dressed up like a rodeo clown, broke into the capitol, and tried to destroy the democracy of the United States

You might be a redneck

The best insult ever is, "who is this clown?", because...

#1- You are calling them a clown
#2- You are saying they are not even a well known clown

A blind clown is asked to perform at a children’s hospital. He is led into the amputee ward and begins with some jokes, but not one child laughs.

“A song, perhaps,” he thinks. “That’ll cheer ‘em up!”
“Ifffffff you’re happy and you know it....”

A Hindu man an a Christian man were walking down the street.

As they were walking down the street, the circus drives by. There's the tent, there's a little car filled with clowns, and there's the trailers filled with animals.

As the animals are going by, the Christian man looks over and sees the elephants. He says to the Hindu man, "hey that elephant l...

How do you make a Clown cry

You throw a brick at it

I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns.

It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.

You all have heard about Joker, the Clown Prince of Crime.

But have you heard about his father who was Joking.

I asked a hitman for advice on how to kill a clown. He told me...

Go for the juggler.

What do readers of Steven King and Russia have in common?

They have both learned to be afraid of Clowns.

An 8 years old went to the office with her dad

An 8 years old went to the office with her dad for "take your child to work" day.

As they were walking around the office, the young girl starts sobbing and crying.

All staff gather around to cheer her and her father asked "love, what's wrong?"

The girl turns to her father sobbin...

What’s the difference between a circus and a brothel?

Nothing, if you pay the clowns enough.

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A clown, a politian and a sex offender walks into a bar.

He orders a drink.

My friend swears he loves horror movies involving clowns

I'm not certain, but I think he means It.

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

“Ringling Brothers is coming to town this week,” she said. “The poster says they have a dancing bear. I always wanted to see one of those.”

“Maybe next year,” says the man. “Work’s really busy this week.”

The next night at dinner, t...

My friend asked me, "What kind of adult diapers do they sell for Pennywise the Clown?"

It depends.

What do you call a demon clown that is good with small amounts of money?

Pennywise.

Last night on the episode of "Criminal Minds" my wife was watching, the cops arrested a clown.

As a Dad of long standing, I'm happy to have seized the opportunity to yell "Don't try anything funny!"

Death of a clown

Two cannibals came to his funeral. One tried to chew off a piece, and he said that it tasted funny. The other man just stared and remarked, “this is no laughing matter.”

A clown and a little kid were walking hand in hand down a dark deserted forest path and the little kid says "Gosh, it's spooky in here!"

And the clown says "What are you scared about? I gotta walk back all alone!"

A man goes on an overnight business trip, and hires a babysitter to watch his two kids. It's an easy job with good pay, but she's creeped out by the life-sized clown statue he has in his den.

That night, the man calls to see how things are going.

The babysitter says: "Everything's great, the kids have been wonderful. But I had to throw my coat over that clown statue in your den. No offense but it's really creepy."

Horrified, the man replies: "*What?! I don't have a den! Gra...

What do a clown and someone who snores have in common?

Honk Shoe.... Honk Shoe..... Honk Shoe....

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Timmy just loves clowns. Favourite thing in the world.

He's got clown bed spread, posters in his room, the whole shabang. Totally idolizes them

One day, Timmy sees that the big top circus is coming to town. He gets so excited that, when it finally arrived, he camps outside the ticket booth, waitimg to get the best seat in the house. And when he g...

How do you get a clown off a swing set?

Hit him in the face with an axe.

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