I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS...

**THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.**

What’s the capital city of Yemen?

Yea boi

Which country has the fastest growing capital city?

Ireland, it's Dublin every year.

Scooby Doo villain apprehended in Colombian Capital

Says, “He would’ve gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those Medellín kids.”

I hate capitalism,

so i always type my messages in lowercase. i also hate racism, and refuse to run 100 metres.

The FBI recently found a common link amoung those that stormed the capital on the January 6th riots.

Turns out they all shop at Traitor Joes.

Melvin capital was caught with their pants down by the short squeeze

but it seems the SEC didn’t like seeing a full debriefing

What’s the difference between the Trump kids and the capital rioters?

Donald actually loves and supports the rioters!

What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man,  and in a socialist one, it’s the other way around.

Ask Any Librarian, What’s The Opposite of Capitalism?

lowercasism

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Capitalism and politics explained in the best way possible.

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your ...

The football game at capital hill was such a good game..

The Patriots defense was so bad but they still somehow beat the Raiders.

Which country's capital has the fastest growing population?

Ireland. Everday it's Dublin.





\*Idk if this has been on here yet. My co worker told me this and I about had a stroke.\*

Everyone thinks the capital city of Australia is Sydney.

It’s actually Vienna.

The difference between capitalizing and not capitalizing is

Using chemicals to remove the polish and using chemicals to remove the Polish.

Matthew McConaughey was spotted during the Capital Hill protests

When asked to comment what he saw he simply said,

“Alt Right, Alt Right, Alt Right”

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Which city is the capital of food porn?

Nuttingham

My friend asked me how I was enjoying my visit in Oklahoma's state capital

I said, "It's an OK city."

Why did the blonde make her password "BatmanRobinBatgirlJokerHarelyIvyOslo"?

Because the rules said it needed to contain at least 6 characters and include at least 1 capital!

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Rags To Riches Success Story

A real touching success story! 

Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoe shine.  He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal and the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine. 

One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do...

You can't drive to the capital of Alaska, you can only get there by train or boat.

Did Juneau that?

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Three men enter a bar in the USSR. One says, "Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?" The other one says, "Because he was afraid of capitalism."

The whole bar died laughing

What do you call a small protest against dumping trash in North Carolina’s capital?

A little Raleigh Litter Rally — literally!

They locked down and instituted a curfew in the capital of Switzerland.

It's a controlled Bern.

Did you hear about the coronavirus infection rate spiralling out of control in the Irish capital?

It's Dublin.

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution

Could this be a red flag?

What is the biggest problem with capitalism?

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What type of music is played in every shoe store in South Korea’s capital city?

Soul

...and thats basically capitalism

Two man are locked in a room. There is a cake in the middle of it. The first one thinks: "I now have two options:

1. I take half of the cake and the other half is for that other guy.
2. I kill that other guy and have the cake all by myself."

He goes for the second option and kills t...

It’s not “AOC” it’s “aoc”

because she doesn’t like capitalism.

I had a job once.

It entailed helping a one-armed typist do capital letters.

It was shift work.

62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

Where is the Capital of Zimbabwe?

In a Swiss bank account.

What's the capital of Greece?

About 5 euros.

"Dad, what's capitalism?"

"Here, take this £5 note and go and get me a BLT with a large coca cola."

The boy left his house and took the only possible route, up a huge hill. He got to the counter and made the order.

"That'll be £7.34," said the assistant.

"I only have £5, mister," said the boy. The assist...

To teach my kids about capitalism...

...I made them pay for housing, food, and charged them to use the bathroom.

Then if they wanted to make any money, I had them compete against each other for who could do chores for the least amount of money.

Then when they unionised, I had the neighbour's kid do chores instead and gav...

Has anyone noticed that (i) looks like (I) that's been beheaded?

Capital punishment?

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Most YouTube ads are only unskippable for 5 seconds, so they try to cram something surprising + the brand name in the first 5 seconds of the ad.

Hence you get ads that are basically Samuel L. Jackson screaming "Capital One, mothafucka!"

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me :i dont like capitalization in words, it's a waste of time

Teacher:Its important for one really good reason, because it's the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.

During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why they had such a long password, they rolled their eyes and said: "Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital."

Why does the capital of Puerto Rico have the same look as San Jose and San Salvador?

Because, when you've San Juan you've San them all.

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These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent of the capital, so I'm the president and chairman of the board."

“I put up thirty percent of the money," said the second, "so I'm appointing myself vice president, secretary and treasurer."

“Well I put up five percent," pointed out the third partner. "What's that make me?"

The chairman said, "I'm appointing you vice president of sex and music." ...

There was a blonde ....

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these bl...

I was going to post a joke about Capitalism...

... but 99% of you can't afford to get it.

What is the capital of Greece?

About $1.35 USD

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Choose a new password

Choose a new password :

potato

Sorry, password must contain at least 8 letters.

boiled potato

Sorry, password must contain at least one number.

1 boiled potato

Sorry, password cannot contain spaces

50fuckingboiledpotatoes

Sorry, password mu...

Amnesia Austria

I wanted to tell my children about my visit to Austria’s capital city but I couldn’t remember it’s name.

I guess it meant nothing to me.

The use of capitals can really change the meaning of a sentence

Example:

I like to eat candy

I like to eat capitals

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How Bangkok became the capital of Thailand

Long ago there was a king of Thailand, and he unfortunately passed away due to old age. However the people of Thailand saw this as an opportunity to grow and create a capital and have a new young robust leader.

The people decided to go to the surrounding tribes and select a few fit young men ...

"Making a million bucks is easy.."

"..Just start with a small loan of a billion dollars and proceed to short some GME" – Melvin Capital

What do you get if you cross Islam with Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

Pakistan's capital city Islamabad has extended the ongoing lockdown for another eight days as the number of Covid-19 patients rose to 82, Dawn News reported today.

Things have gone from Islamabad to Islamaworse...

"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"

"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"


"That's easy, Berlin."


"And the capital of France?"


"Berlin"


"And the one of Poland?"


"Also Berlin."


"Good job Adolf, good job!"

Capitalism vs communism tought process

Capitalism:

"Two heads are better than one"

Communism:

"One head is better than none"

How does a lawyer sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.



A few other excellent puns:

He wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then he changed his mind.

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? - Ireland. It’s Dublin every day.

A ...

Everyone is debated capital punishment nowadays talking about lethal injection and humane treatment. Me, I think we should just shoot them in the head...

Seems like a no-brainer to me

A capital B is a pregnant P,

because it got the D.

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In the future Mexico became the wealthies, most transparent, most peaceful, most progressive, most developed and most prosperous nation in the Americas while the US became a 3th world shithole.

As such many Mexicans decided to move back to Mexico but among them there were also Americans trying to emmigrate. As such the border checks were supposed to make sure that those going in Mexico were Mexicans and not American immigrants.


A man aproaches the border and is asked: "What's yo...

A blonde says "Not all blondes are stupid, and I can prove it!"

"...Give me any state, and I'll tell you it's capital."

A person yells out, "Missouri!"

"M" replies the blonde.

My teacher randomly capitalizes letters on an assignment when someone misbehaves

It’s their capital punishment

Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?

He was afraid of Capitalism.

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I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.

What's it called when you take over one half of the capital of Hungary?

Pest control

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I've come up with a new capital punishment method: A meal that, once eaten, causes fatal diarrhea.

That way the offenders can eat, shit, and die.

Alaska has its own capital!

Did Juneau that?

A mother is helping her son study for a test : She asks him "What is the capital of Germany?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then asks "What is the capital of France?"

He replies "Berlin."

She asks "What is the capital of Russia?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then hugs him and says "Great job Adolf, you'll do so well on your geography exam!"

"Sir, I know you are having trouble typing in your password." "Please can we try again. Your password is capital A as in Apple, lowercase T as in Tom, the number 4, Q as in Cucumber... "

This is something I actually said during my call center days. The call screeners wouldn't let me forget for months.

If I was to visit just one capital city it would be Seoul.

If I decided on another one, that would be Dublin. And if I added a third it would be Tripoli.

My joke about capital punishment got downvoted.

I guess it was great concept, poor execution.

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A hideous little orc is in the kingdom's capital, looking to acquire medicine for his sick mom.

Nobody can stand the sight of him, with some even threatening violence of he doesn't leave.
He finds and alchemist's medicine shop at the market and tells him about his mother's illness.

"Ah, but of course!" says the alchemist, "It's clearly a case of Sakiara Fever. It's not very common at...

Cornwall has no capital

False or Truro

Anybody know someone that wants to buy letter openers, staplers, pens, and other office supplies?

Most of it is labeled with Capital Hill or U.S. Senate but it's all usable. Let me know! Thanks.

Scientists are saying that the capital of the Republic of Ireland has increased by a staggering 100%!

It’s Dublin

My teacher said she would punish me if I didn't know Tehran is the capital of which country

So I ran

Here's the best one I know. It's a bit long...but I have faith in you ;)

A doctor, a lawyer,and an engineer are sentenced to death. Why is not important to the story...what's important is that the death sentence will be carried out in France - via guillotine.

The doctor is first. The executioner straps him down, hoists the glittering blade aloft, and lets it drop....

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Why is capitalization important?

because using chemicals to remove polish is just an annoying thing people have to do with their nails but using chemicals to remove Polish is one of hitler's war crimes.

DC hasn't capitalize on Static popular

Which is just really SHOCKING.

A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

If you want to defeat capitalism......

If you want to defeat capitalism
Then you need to rally the *lowercase*

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

I've told this story to many naive greens before me, so self-absorbed in their own notions of human conflict and the meaning of war. Whenever I finish the tale they're always pale as Lyndon B's corrupt lyin' ass. I can't blame 'em. This story kept me up throughout my whole deployment in those damn j...

Was at a “Capital One Cafe” and asked the waitress for her phone number.

Oh NOW they start guarding personal data.

It can never remember the capital of Vietnam

It's really Hanoi-ing

Q: What do capitalism and communism have in common

A: Starving poor people

My russian boyfriend only writes in lowercase letters...

He doesn't like Capitalism

Why was the Soviet Union abolished?

They realized the “C” in Communism was capitalized

In light of the customers' data breach Capital One unveiled a new slogan today:

Who's in your wallet?

Why do spies never use capitalization?

They like to stay low-key.

How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky? Louie-ville or Louis-ville?

It's Frankfort.

What's the worst route to take through Malawi's capital?

Lilongwe

Kosovo has the cleanest capital city in the world. Whichever capital city you think of

Kosovo’s is Pristina.

Wanna see some small capital letters?

s a n m a r i n o

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If you don’t think capitalization is important

Try writing this sentence without it - I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse.

The CEO of Capital One was gonna run for president but has since withdrew his candidacy.

Apparently they asked people how likely they were to vote for him but there was.......

0% interest

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Daughter Of A Prosperous Lord Got Lost

He sent one of his workers to the capital city to find her. After a month he turns back. The Lord asks if he found the daughter.

He says "I have good and bad news, which first?". Lord wants the bad news first and the answer is: "Your daughter became a prostitute sir". He asks the good news an...

I invented a diet. It's called the lowercase diet. Don't eat foods with capital letters.

Works best if you're German!

I finally understand the difference between capitalism, libertarianism, and socialism.

Capitalists hire libertarians to say socialism is bad. Socialists say capitalism is bad for free. And libertarians will say everyone else is bad as long as they get paid.

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