I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS...

**THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.**

The FBI recently found a common link amoung those that stormed the capital on the January 6th riots.

Turns out they all shop at Traitor Joes.

In capitalism, man exploits man

In communism, it's the other way round.

[Original] Which country has the 2nd fastest growing capital?

Ireland, it's Dublin and Dublin every year. But which country has the fastest growing capital?





Libya, it's Tripoli every year.

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Choose a new password :

Choose a new password :

potato

Sorry, password must contain at least 8 letters.

boiled potato

Sorry, password must contain at least one number.

1 boiled potato

Sorry, password cannot contain spaces

50fuckingboiledpotatoes

Sorry, password mu...

What’s the capital city of Yemen?

Yea boi

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A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism.

Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government.

We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people....

Scooby Doo villain apprehended in Colombian Capital

Says, “He would’ve gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those Medellín kids.”

A Russian spy infiltrated in America is arrested

A Russian spy under the alias of “Joe Smith” is arrested by American officials. He is put in an interrogation room and confronted by an official, Agent Perry.

Smith: “I don’t understand, why am I being interrogated?”

Perry: “Drop the act, Smith, if that even is your real name. We know ...

I hate capitalism,

so i always type my messages in lowercase. i also hate racism, and refuse to run 100 metres.

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Three men enter a bar in the USSR. One says, "Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?" The other one says, "Because he was afraid of capitalism."

The whole bar died laughing

My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution

Could this be a red flag?

Everyone thinks the capital city of Australia is Sydney.

It’s actually Vienna.

Matthew McConaughey was spotted during the Capital Hill protests

When asked to comment what he saw he simply said,

“Alt Right, Alt Right, Alt Right”

The difference between capitalizing and not capitalizing is

Using chemicals to remove the polish and using chemicals to remove the Polish.

What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man,  and in a socialist one, it’s the other way around.

What’s the difference between the Trump kids and the capital rioters?

Donald actually loves and supports the rioters!

Melvin capital was caught with their pants down by the short squeeze

but it seems the SEC didn’t like seeing a full debriefing

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Which city is the capital of food porn?

Nuttingham

My wife and I went to the auction in Paris Kentucky the other week

and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,"THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR" My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs...smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'We walked t...

62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

You can't drive to the capital of Alaska, you can only get there by train or boat.

Did Juneau that?

My friend asked me how I was enjoying my visit in Oklahoma's state capital

I said, "It's an OK city."

What is the biggest problem with capitalism?

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Which country's capital has the fastest growing population?

Ireland. Everday it's Dublin.





\*Idk if this has been on here yet. My co worker told me this and I about had a stroke.\*

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Some people have said that those who participated in the insurrection yesterday at the U.S. Capital should be thrown into a deep, dark hole.

But I believe they mean well.

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

Did you hear about the coronavirus infection rate spiralling out of control in the Irish capital?

It's Dublin.

They locked down and instituted a curfew in the capital of Switzerland.

It's a controlled Bern.

What's the capital of Greece?

About 5 euros.

What do you call a small protest against dumping trash in North Carolina’s capital?

A little Raleigh Litter Rally — literally!

...and thats basically capitalism

Two man are locked in a room. There is a cake in the middle of it. The first one thinks: "I now have two options:

1. I take half of the cake and the other half is for that other guy.
2. I kill that other guy and have the cake all by myself."

He goes for the second option and kills t...

A struggling businessman named John approaches Yoda seeking financial advice

John asks Yoda “How is it that I am not rich? I work 80 hours a week, I kiss up to my bosses, I avoid my family, I stay away from romantic relationships, I never go out with friends, and yet still, I am not wealthy. Everybody told me that under capitalism, if I worked hard enough, I too could be ric...

To teach my kids about capitalism...

...I made them pay for housing, food, and charged them to use the bathroom.

Then if they wanted to make any money, I had them compete against each other for who could do chores for the least amount of money.

Then when they unionised, I had the neighbour's kid do chores instead and gav...

"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"

"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"


"That's easy, Berlin."


"And the capital of France?"


"Berlin"


"And the one of Poland?"


"Also Berlin."


"Good job Adolf, good job!"

Where is the Capital of Zimbabwe?

In a Swiss bank account.

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Rags To Riches Success Story

A real touching success story! 

Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoe shine.  He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal and the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine. 

One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do...

Why did the blonde make her password "BatmanRobinBatgirlJokerHarelyIvyOslo"?

Because the rules said it needed to contain at least 6 characters and include at least 1 capital!

It’s not “AOC” it’s “aoc”

because she doesn’t like capitalism.

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me :i dont like capitalization in words, it's a waste of time

Teacher:Its important for one really good reason, because it's the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.

The use of capitals can really change the meaning of a sentence

Example:

I like to eat candy

I like to eat capitals

Why does the capital of Puerto Rico have the same look as San Jose and San Salvador?

Because, when you've San Juan you've San them all.

"Dad, what's capitalism?"

"Here, take this £5 note and go and get me a BLT with a large coca cola."

The boy left his house and took the only possible route, up a huge hill. He got to the counter and made the order.

"That'll be £7.34," said the assistant.

"I only have £5, mister," said the boy. The assist...

I was going to post a joke about Capitalism...

... but 99% of you can't afford to get it.

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These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent of the capital, so I'm the president and chairman of the board."

“I put up thirty percent of the money," said the second, "so I'm appointing myself vice president, secretary and treasurer."

“Well I put up five percent," pointed out the third partner. "What's that make me?"

The chairman said, "I'm appointing you vice president of sex and music." ...

What is the capital of Greece?

About $1.35 USD

What do you get if you cross Islam with Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

I had a job once.

It entailed helping a one-armed typist do capital letters.

It was shift work.

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How Bangkok became the capital of Thailand

Long ago there was a king of Thailand, and he unfortunately passed away due to old age. However the people of Thailand saw this as an opportunity to grow and create a capital and have a new young robust leader.

The people decided to go to the surrounding tribes and select a few fit young men ...

To whomever made capital I and lower case L look the same..

l hope you're happy, Ioser.

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I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.

Pakistan's capital city Islamabad has extended the ongoing lockdown for another eight days as the number of Covid-19 patients rose to 82, Dawn News reported today.

Things have gone from Islamabad to Islamaworse...

During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why they had such a long password, they rolled their eyes and said: "Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital."

A mother is helping her son study for a test : She asks him "What is the capital of Germany?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then asks "What is the capital of France?"

He replies "Berlin."

She asks "What is the capital of Russia?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then hugs him and says "Great job Adolf, you'll do so well on your geography exam!"

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Most YouTube ads are only unskippable for 5 seconds, so they try to cram something surprising + the brand name in the first 5 seconds of the ad.

Hence you get ads that are basically Samuel L. Jackson screaming "Capital One, mothafucka!"

Has anyone noticed that (i) looks like (I) that's been beheaded?

Capital punishment?

Everyone is debated capital punishment nowadays talking about lethal injection and humane treatment. Me, I think we should just shoot them in the head...

Seems like a no-brainer to me

Alaska has its own capital!

Did Juneau that?

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I've come up with a new capital punishment method: A meal that, once eaten, causes fatal diarrhea.

That way the offenders can eat, shit, and die.

What's it called when you take over one half of the capital of Hungary?

Pest control

A capital B is a pregnant P,

because it got the D.

My joke about capital punishment got downvoted.

I guess it was great concept, poor execution.

"Sir, I know you are having trouble typing in your password." "Please can we try again. Your password is capital A as in Apple, lowercase T as in Tom, the number 4, Q as in Cucumber... "

This is something I actually said during my call center days. The call screeners wouldn't let me forget for months.

If I was to visit just one capital city it would be Seoul.

If I decided on another one, that would be Dublin. And if I added a third it would be Tripoli.

My teacher randomly capitalizes letters on an assignment when someone misbehaves

It’s their capital punishment

A blonde got tired of blonde jokes...

One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last ni...

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A hideous little orc is in the kingdom's capital, looking to acquire medicine for his sick mom.

Nobody can stand the sight of him, with some even threatening violence of he doesn't leave.
He finds and alchemist's medicine shop at the market and tells him about his mother's illness.

"Ah, but of course!" says the alchemist, "It's clearly a case of Sakiara Fever. It's not very common at...

My teacher said she would punish me if I didn't know Tehran is the capital of which country

So I ran

Cornwall has no capital

False or Truro

How does a lawyer sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.



A few other excellent puns:

He wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then he changed his mind.

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? - Ireland. It’s Dublin every day.

A ...

Scientists are saying that the capital of the Republic of Ireland has increased by a staggering 100%!

It’s Dublin

Amnesia Austria

I wanted to tell my children about my visit to Austria’s capital city but I couldn’t remember it’s name.

I guess it meant nothing to me.

Why do spies never use capitalization?

They like to stay low-key.

A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

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Why is capitalization important?

because using chemicals to remove polish is just an annoying thing people have to do with their nails but using chemicals to remove Polish is one of hitler's war crimes.

DC hasn't capitalize on Static popular

Which is just really SHOCKING.

Q: What do capitalism and communism have in common

A: Starving poor people

Was at a “Capital One Cafe” and asked the waitress for her phone number.

Oh NOW they start guarding personal data.

Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?

He was afraid of Capitalism.

It can never remember the capital of Vietnam

It's really Hanoi-ing

How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky? Louie-ville or Louis-ville?

It's Frankfort.

A blonde says "Not all blondes are stupid, and I can prove it!"

"...Give me any state, and I'll tell you it's capital."

A person yells out, "Missouri!"

"M" replies the blonde.

If you want to defeat capitalism......

If you want to defeat capitalism
Then you need to rally the *lowercase*

What's the worst route to take through Malawi's capital?

Lilongwe

In light of the customers' data breach Capital One unveiled a new slogan today:

Who's in your wallet?

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In the future Mexico became the wealthies, most transparent, most peaceful, most progressive, most developed and most prosperous nation in the Americas while the US became a 3th world shithole.

As such many Mexicans decided to move back to Mexico but among them there were also Americans trying to emmigrate. As such the border checks were supposed to make sure that those going in Mexico were Mexicans and not American immigrants.


A man aproaches the border and is asked: "What's yo...

I finally understand the difference between capitalism, libertarianism, and socialism.

Capitalists hire libertarians to say socialism is bad. Socialists say capitalism is bad for free. And libertarians will say everyone else is bad as long as they get paid.

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If you don’t think capitalization is important

Try writing this sentence without it - I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse.

The CEO of Capital One was gonna run for president but has since withdrew his candidacy.

Apparently they asked people how likely they were to vote for him but there was.......

0% interest

Wanna see some small capital letters?

s a n m a r i n o

I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital...

They told me that case was sensitive.

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