Capital Jokes - 82 Hilarious Capital Jokes

62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"

"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"

"That's easy, Berlin."

"And the capital of France?"

"Berlin"

"And the one of Poland?"

"Also Berlin."

"Good job Adolf, good job!"

What's the capital of Greece?

About 5 euros.

What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

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Capital Letters Are Important

Capital letters can be just as important as commas and full-stops. For example, the sentence: "Let's help your Uncle Jack off his donkey" does *not* mean the same as "Let's help your uncle jack off his donkey".

My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution

Could this be a red flag?

The blonde's computer password had to be eight characters long and include at least one capital

So she made it "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyAlbany."

What's the capital of Zimbabwe?

>!$1.37 USD!<

Is the capital of Kentucky pronounced Loo-iss-ville or Loo-ee-ville?

Wrong. It's pronounced Frank-fort.

In capitalism, man exploits man

In communism, it's the other way round.

What is the difference between Capitalism and Socialism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man and in a socialist one, it's the other way around.

Capitalism jokes aren't funny.

Not everyone gets them.

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What did the capital O say to the capital Q?

Dude, your dick's hanging out..

I thought of a joke about capitalism.

But not all of you would get it.

You can make a capitalist poor and they’ll still believe in Capitalism

But if you make a socialist rich, you have a new capitalist.

Why do spies never use capitalization?

They like to stay low-key.

I WRITE MY JOKES IN CAPITALS

THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS

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Dear people who don’t write capital letters,

We’re the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

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Three men enter a bar in the USSR. One says, "Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?" The other one says, "Because he was afraid of capitalism."

The whole bar died laughing

I have no problem with capital punishment in theory.

Just in execution.

The population of Ireland's capital is growing exponentially

every year it's Dublin (doubling)

My joke about capital punishment got downvoted.

I guess it was great concept, poor execution.

Capitalization can really change a sentence.

For example:
I love to eat candy.
I love to eat capitalization.

Difference between capitalism and communism

Q: What's the difference between capitalism and communism?
A: Under capitalism, Man exploits Man. Under communism, it is exactly the opposite.

A mother is helping her son study for a test : She asks him "What is the capital of Germany?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then asks "What is the capital of France?"

He replies "Berlin."

She asks "What is the capital of Russia?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then hugs him and says "Great job Adolf, you'll do so well on your geography exam!"

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Choose a new password :

Choose a new password :

potato

Sorry, password must contain at least 8 letters.

boiled potato

Sorry, password must contain at least one number.

1 boiled potato

Sorry, password cannot contain spaces

50fuckingboiledpotatoes

Sorry, password mu...

I’ve got a disease that keeps transforming me into capital cities…..

It’s starting to Hanoi me now.

What is the best way to capitalize on an opportunity?

ON AN OPPORTUNITY.

How do they kill unwanted insects in the Hungarian capital?

With Budapesticide.

where is the capital of the US?

In an offshore account.

I hate capitalism,

so i always type my messages in lowercase. i also hate racism, and refuse to run 100 metres.

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I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.

What do you call an impatient man from Bangkok who moved to the capital city of the Republic of China for a writing job, got kidnapped, covered in multicolored paint and restrained with rope?

A tied-up, tye-dyed, Type-A, Taipei-Thai typist.

A blonde got tired of blonde jokes

One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last n...

why is Alabama the sandwich capital of the world?

Because everything is inbread

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Don't forget capital letters...

In the world of high-tech gadgetry, more and more people who send text messages and emails have forgotten the art of capital letters.
For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement:

"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jac...

Password audit

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

The difference between capitalizing and not capitalizing is

Using chemicals to remove the polish and using chemicals to remove the Polish.

A newspaper recently hired a new Italian capital correspondent

They were the Times' new Roman.

Did you know that the capital of Algeria is Algiers?

Algeria's capital is doubly named... but Libya's capital is tripoli

What’s the capital city of Yemen?

Yea boi

Which country's capital has the fastest growing population?

Ireland. Everday it's Dublin.

\*Idk if this has been on here yet. My co worker told me this and I about had a stroke.\*

A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

Where is the capital of Zimbabwe?

In a Swiss bank account.

I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital...

They told me that case was sensitive.

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I dont own this joke. But i havent forgotten about it for five years.

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"

Son: "What is Politics?"

Father: "Well, let's take our home for an example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Capitalism". your mother is the administra...

How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky: Louis-ville or Lou-ee-ville?

Frankfort

...and thats basically capitalism

Two man are locked in a room. There is a cake in the middle of it. The first one thinks: "I now have two options:

1. I take half of the cake and the other half is for that other guy.
2. I kill that other guy and have the cake all by myself."

He goes for the second option and kills t...

What is the capital of Finland if it smelled really bad?

Helstinky

I've found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.

It's shift work.

Scooby Doo villain apprehended in Colombian Capital

Says, “He would’ve gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those Medellín kids.”

Why did Mario get executed for capitalizing the word fence?

Because it’s a capital offense.

"Dad, what's capitalism?"

"Here, take this £5 note and go and get me a BLT with a large coca cola."

The boy left his house and took the only possible route, up a huge hill. He got to the counter and made the order.

"That'll be £7.34," said the assistant.

"I only have £5, mister," said the boy. The assist...

For those of you who also sometimes get confused between corporal and capital punishment

Please come and pick up these dead kids and give me a spanking.

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Which city is the capital of food porn?

Nuttingham

Alaska has its own capital!

Did Juneau that?

What is the biggest problem with capitalism?

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I’ll have you know, I know all of the Capitals in the UK

At one point, playboy tried to capitalize on the MILF craze but was wildly unsuccessful.

It turns out nobody wants to ask the person running the register if they got the *Mommy Issues.*

Everyone thinks the capital city of Australia is Sydney.

It’s actually Vienna.

Kosovo has the cleanest capital city in the world. Whichever capital city you think of

Kosovo’s is Pristina.

Matthew McConaughey was spotted during the Capital Hill protests

When asked to comment what he saw he simply said,

“Alt Right, Alt Right, Alt Right”

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How Bangkok became the capital of Thailand

Long ago there was a king of Thailand, and he unfortunately passed away due to old age. However the people of Thailand saw this as an opportunity to grow and create a capital and have a new young robust leader.

The people decided to go to the surrounding tribes and select a few fit young men ...

Ask Any Librarian, What’s The Opposite of Capitalism?

lowercasism

To teach my kids about capitalism...

...I made them pay for housing, food, and charged them to use the bathroom.

Then if they wanted to make any money, I had them compete against each other for who could do chores for the least amount of money.

Then when they unionised, I had the neighbour's kid do chores instead and gav...

Cornwall has no capital

False or Truro

What's the capital of Zimbabwe? (from /r/TIL)

About $200.

By /u/ChuckFikkens in a [/r/todayilearned comment](http://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/2r1fdv/til_in_2013_zimbabwes_national_public_account/cnbnv13)

ISIS lost a capital today

ISIs

Cybersecurity experts have found an easy way to spot North Korean hackers. They never use the shift key.

They hate capitalism.

If I had a dollar for everything wrong with capitalism

... then I probably wouldn’t be complaining about capitalism.

What did capital 'O' say to capital 'Q'?

"Hey, put that thing back in your trousers!"

What’s the difference between the Trump kids and the capital rioters?

Donald actually loves and supports the rioters!

Melvin capital was caught with their pants down by the short squeeze

but it seems the SEC didn’t like seeing a full debriefing

What do my girlfriend and ethical capitalism have in common?

They don't exist

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Why is capitalization important?

because using chemicals to remove polish is just an annoying thing people have to do with their nails but using chemicals to remove Polish is one of hitler's war crimes.

A capital B is a pregnant P,

because it got the D.

Why are Irish bankers so successful?

Because their capital's always Dublin.

What is the capital punishment for cartoon characters?

Getting drawn & quartered.

They locked down and instituted a curfew in the capital of Switzerland.

It's a controlled Bern.

What is the capital of Hungary?

Starving

Kratos visited Idaho's capital

Boyse

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These puns are Capital!

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take h...

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