UPJOKE
uppercaseassetscitytownmetropolitanstate capitalprovincecapgreatjakartabangkokstockcapitalismcapitalizecentral

I thought of a joke about capitalism.

But not all of you would get it.

What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

From now on I will write all my jokes in capitals…

This one was written in London

why is Alabama the sandwich capital of the world?

Because everything is inbread

For those of you who also sometimes get confused between corporal and capital punishment

Please come and pick up these dead kids and give me a spanking.

The capital police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the congressional riot?" The officer responded, "I'd like to question the senator wearing high heels and a spandex leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...

"Please, just wear your police uniform."

The blonde's computer password had to be eight characters long and include at least one capital

So she made it "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyAlbany."

What is the capital of Russia?

About $10 USD

where is the capital of the US?

In an offshore account.

At one point, playboy tried to capitalize on the MILF craze but was wildly unsuccessful.

It turns out nobody wants to ask the person running the register if they got the *Mommy Issues.*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Capitalization

It's the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

What is the difference between Capitalism and Socialism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man and in a socialist one, it's the other way around.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the capital O say to the capital Q?

Dude, your dick's hanging out..

How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky: Louis-ville or Lou-ee-ville?

Frankfort

I’ll have you know, I know all of the Capitals in the UK

UK

You can make a capitalist poor and they’ll still believe in Capitalism

But if you make a socialist rich, you have a new capitalist.

A newspaper recently hired a new Italian capital correspondent

They were the Times' new Roman.

Did you know that the capital of Algeria is Algiers?

Algeria's capital is doubly named... but Libya's capital is tripoli

My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution

Could this be a red flag?

62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

The FBI recently found a common link amoung those that stormed the capital on the January 6th riots.

Turns out they all shop at Traitor Joes.

What's the fastest growing city in the world?

The capital of Ireland. It keeps Dublin and Dublin and Dublin.

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes.

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these bl...

Difference between capitalism and communism

Q: What's the difference between capitalism and communism?
A: Under capitalism, Man exploits Man. Under communism, it is exactly the opposite.

Why are Irish bankers so successful?

Because their capital’s always Dublin.

Two men walk past a slogan in the Soviet Union

The slogan reads: "We shall liberate the people of the world from the chains of capitalism!". One of the men tells the other: "This is actually true. Remember the gold chain I had?"

Why did Mario get executed for capitalizing the word fence?

Because it’s a capital offense.

What is the capital of Finland if it smelled really bad?

Helstinky

I've found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.

It's shift work.

What's the capital of Greece?

About 5 euros.

[Original] Which country has the 2nd fastest growing capital?

Ireland, it's Dublin and Dublin every year. But which country has the fastest growing capital?





Libya, it's Tripoli every year.

Ever notice how Washington D.C. rarely has a significant snowfall compared to the surrounding areas?

It must have to do with all the hot air coming from the Capitol/Capital.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men enter a bar in the USSR. One says, "Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?" The other one says, "Because he was afraid of capitalism."

The whole bar died laughing

geography test

What is the capital of Austria?

\- Berlin

What is the capital of France?

\- Berlin

What is the capital of Poland?

\- Berlin

All wrong. Adolf, you're gonna fail the test

\- We shall see

I saw a lady protesting at the capital grounds with a sign that read " vaccines contain aborted fetus' "

I couldn't believe it, how can she be protesting something like that I thought.

I marched right up to her and said "you think that's bad? Johnson and Johnson makes organic baby oil"

What’s the capital city of Yemen?

Yea boi

On the Bulgarian edition of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire...

The new contestant sits on the chair. He just grunts at the host's introduction questions, so they get straight to the game.

First question - Which city is the capital of Bulgaria:

* A. Sofia
* B. Moscow
* C. London
* D. Paris

Respondent: "I'd like to ask the audience."...

I hate capitalism,

so i always type my messages in lowercase. i also hate racism, and refuse to run 100 metres.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Capitalism and politics explained in the best way possible.

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your ...

"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"

"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"


"That's easy, Berlin."


"And the capital of France?"


"Berlin"


"And the one of Poland?"


"Also Berlin."


"Good job Adolf, good job!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the the Head of the Washington D.C. Financial Ethics Board?

>!They would be the Capitol Capital Principle Principal!<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Struggles of passwords

"Set password:"

carrot

"Password must be at least 8 characters."

boiled carrot

"Password must contain at least 1 number."

1 boiled carrot

"Password cannot contain spaces."

50boiledcarrots

"Password must contain at least 1 capital."

50FUC...

Matthew McConaughey was spotted during the Capital Hill protests

When asked to comment what he saw he simply said,

“Alt Right, Alt Right, Alt Right”

Scooby Doo villain apprehended in Colombian Capital

Says, “He would’ve gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those Medellín kids.”

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

The use of capitals can really change the meaning of a sentence

Example:

I like to eat candy

I like to eat capitals

What’s the difference between the Trump kids and the capital rioters?

Donald actually loves and supports the rioters!

A mother is helping her son study for a test : She asks him "What is the capital of Germany?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then asks "What is the capital of France?"

He replies "Berlin."

She asks "What is the capital of Russia?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then hugs him and says "Great job Adolf, you'll do so well on your geography exam!"

Did you hear about the coronavirus infection rate spiralling out of control in the Irish capital?

It's Dublin.

Which country's capital has the fastest growing population?

Ireland. Everday it's Dublin.





\*Idk if this has been on here yet. My co worker told me this and I about had a stroke.\*

Everyone thinks the capital city of Australia is Sydney.

It’s actually Vienna.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which city is the capital of food porn?

Nuttingham

Ask Any Librarian, What’s The Opposite of Capitalism?

lowercasism

Melvin capital was caught with their pants down by the short squeeze

but it seems the SEC didn’t like seeing a full debriefing

What is the biggest problem with capitalism?

**[PLEASE DISABLE YOUR AdBlocker TO SEE THIS CONTENT]**

...and thats basically capitalism

Two man are locked in a room. There is a cake in the middle of it. The first one thinks: "I now have two options:

1. I take half of the cake and the other half is for that other guy.
2. I kill that other guy and have the cake all by myself."

He goes for the second option and kills t...

Our company recently did a password audit, it was found that an employee was using the following password:

**"VaderObiwanLukeBobafettGandalfFrodoGimliLegolasSacramento"**

When asked why he had such a long password, he rolled his eyes and said: *Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital."*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.

The difference between capitalizing and not capitalizing is

Using chemicals to remove the polish and using chemicals to remove the Polish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Choose a new password :

Choose a new password :

potato

Sorry, password must contain at least 8 letters.

boiled potato

Sorry, password must contain at least one number.

1 boiled potato

Sorry, password cannot contain spaces

50fuckingboiledpotatoes

Sorry, password mu...

You can't drive to the capital of Alaska, you can only get there by train or boat.

Did Juneau that?

My joke about capital punishment got downvoted.

I guess it was great concept, poor execution.

They locked down and instituted a curfew in the capital of Switzerland.

It's a controlled Bern.

My friend asked me how I was enjoying my visit in Oklahoma's state capital

I said, "It's an OK city."

What do you call a small protest against dumping trash in North Carolina’s capital?

A little Raleigh Litter Rally — literally!

Politics in terms of cows

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The state takes a high portion of the milk they produce to be redistributed.


COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The State takes both of them and you have to get into a bread line for food instead.


FASCISM: You have two cows. The State will kill you ...

What type of music is played in every shoe store in South Korea’s capital city?

Soul

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some people have said that those who participated in the insurrection yesterday at the U.S. Capital should be thrown into a deep, dark hole.

But I believe they mean well.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

me :i dont like capitalization in words, it's a waste of time

Teacher:Its important for one really good reason, because it's the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man obsessed with trains gets a job driving one in a faraway country...

Some day, for absolutely no reason, he goes a little crazy and starts speeding up more than he should. In a winding curve, he loses control and the train goes off track killing hundreds of people. He goes to court and is sentenced to the capital punishment for the murder. On the death row, the execu...

After the fall of the Soviet Union...

two Russian friends meet and one tells the other:

Friend 1: You know what? Everything they told us about socialism and communism was a lie.

And his friend replies,

Friend 2: You are right. And do you know what's even worse? Everything they told us about capitalism is true.

Why do spies never use capitalization?

They like to stay low-key.

Alaska has its own capital!

Did Juneau that?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How Bangkok became the capital of Thailand

Long ago there was a king of Thailand, and he unfortunately passed away due to old age. However the people of Thailand saw this as an opportunity to grow and create a capital and have a new young robust leader.

The people decided to go to the surrounding tribes and select a few fit young men ...

What do you call a Magician who has lost his magic?

ian

"Dad, what's capitalism?"

"Here, take this £5 note and go and get me a BLT with a large coca cola."

The boy left his house and took the only possible route, up a huge hill. He got to the counter and made the order.

"That'll be £7.34," said the assistant.

"I only have £5, mister," said the boy. The assist...

I was going to post a joke about Capitalism...

... but 99% of you can't afford to get it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent of the capital, so I'm the president and chairman of the board."

“I put up thirty percent of the money," said the second, "so I'm appointing myself vice president, secretary and treasurer."

“Well I put up five percent," pointed out the third partner. "What's that make me?"

The chairman said, "I'm appointing you vice president of sex and music." ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've come up with a new capital punishment method: A meal that, once eaten, causes fatal diarrhea.

That way the offenders can eat, shit, and die.

Joe Biden, Vladimir Putin and Boris Johnson had a near death experience together.

They met God and his closest angels, who told them that their time wasn’t up yet but that each of them could ask one question.

Biden went first. He asked "God, when will the Coronavirus pandemic end?" God made a sign to his angels. They went away and after 30 seconds they came back and whisp...

I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital...

They told me that case was sensitive.

"Sir, I know you are having trouble typing in your password." "Please can we try again. Your password is capital A as in Apple, lowercase T as in Tom, the number 4, Q as in Cucumber... "

This is something I actually said during my call center days. The call screeners wouldn't let me forget for months.

Where is the capital of Zimbabwe?

In a Swiss bank account.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hideous little orc is in the kingdom's capital, looking to acquire medicine for his sick mom.

Nobody can stand the sight of him, with some even threatening violence of he doesn't leave.
He finds and alchemist's medicine shop at the market and tells him about his mother's illness.

"Ah, but of course!" says the alchemist, "It's clearly a case of Sakiara Fever. It's not very common at...

Why does the capital of Puerto Rico have the same look as San Jose and San Salvador?

Because, when you've San Juan you've San them all.

Pakistan's capital city Islamabad has extended the ongoing lockdown for another eight days as the number of Covid-19 patients rose to 82, Dawn News reported today.

Things have gone from Islamabad to Islamaworse...

A North Korean man frequently sneaks to the South Korean capital to gamble for bakery goods for his family.

He is the seoul breadwinner

What is the capital of Greece?

About $1.35 USD

If I was to visit just one capital city it would be Seoul.

If I decided on another one, that would be Dublin. And if I added a third it would be Tripoli.

What's it called when you take over one half of the capital of Hungary?

Pest control

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