The 91+ Best Capital Jokes

62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS...

**THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.**

What's the capital of Greece?

About 5 euros.

My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution

Could this be a red flag?

"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"

"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"

"That's easy, Berlin."

"And the capital of France?"

"Berlin"

"And the one of Poland?"

"Also Berlin."

"Good job Adolf, good job!"

What's the capital of Zimbabwe?

>!$1.37 USD!<

Is the capital of Kentucky pronounced Loo-iss-ville or Loo-ee-ville?

Wrong. It's pronounced Frank-fort.

What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

The blonde's computer password had to be eight characters long and include at least one capital

So she made it "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyAlbany."

I thought of a joke about capitalism.

But not all of you would get it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men enter a bar in the USSR. One says, "Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?" The other one says, "Because he was afraid of capitalism."

The whole bar died laughing

What is the difference between Capitalism and Socialism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man and in a socialist one, it's the other way around.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Capital Letters Are Important

Capital letters can be just as important as commas and full-stops. For example, the sentence: "Let's help your Uncle Jack off his donkey" does *not* mean the same as "Let's help your uncle jack off his donkey".

Capitalism jokes aren't funny.

Not everyone gets them.

You can make a capitalist poor and they’ll still believe in Capitalism

But if you make a socialist rich, you have a new capitalist.

Why do spies never use capitalization?

They like to stay low-key.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear people who don’t write capital letters,

We’re the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the capital O say to the capital Q?

Dude, your dick's hanging out..

A mother is helping her son study for a test : She asks him "What is the capital of Germany?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then asks "What is the capital of France?"

He replies "Berlin."

She asks "What is the capital of Russia?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then hugs him and says "Great job Adolf, you'll do so well on your geography exam!"

I have no problem with capital punishment in theory.

Just in execution.

The population of Ireland's capital is growing exponentially

every year it's Dublin (doubling)

I’ve got a disease that keeps transforming me into capital cities…..

It’s starting to Hanoi me now.

My joke about capital punishment got downvoted.

I guess it was great concept, poor execution.

The capital police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the congressional riot?" The officer responded, "I'd like to question the senator wearing high heels and a spandex leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...

"Please, just wear your police uniform."

How do they kill unwanted insects in the Hungarian capital?

With Budapesticide.

What is the best way to capitalize on an opportunity?

ON AN OPPORTUNITY.

why is Alabama the sandwich capital of the world?

Because everything is inbread

Difference between capitalism and communism

Q: What's the difference between capitalism and communism?
A: Under capitalism, Man exploits Man. Under communism, it is exactly the opposite.

What country's Capital has the fastest growing population in the world?

Ireland. Everyday it's Dublin.

Capitalization can really change a sentence.

For example:
I love to eat candy.
I love to eat capitalization.

How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky: Louis-ville or Lou-ee-ville?

Frankfort

where is the capital of the US?

In an offshore account.

Did you know that the capital of Algeria is Algiers?

Algeria's capital is doubly named... but Libya's capital is tripoli

A newspaper recently hired a new Italian capital correspondent

They were the Times' new Roman.

I've found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.

It's shift work.

At one point, playboy tried to capitalize on the MILF craze but was wildly unsuccessful.

It turns out nobody wants to ask the person running the register if they got the *Mommy Issues.*

What is the capital of Finland if it smelled really bad?

Helstinky

The FBI recently found a common link amoung those that stormed the capital on the January 6th riots.

Turns out they all shop at Traitor Joes.

For those of you who also sometimes get confused between corporal and capital punishment

Please come and pick up these dead kids and give me a spanking.

I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital...

They told me that case was sensitive.

Password audit

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

I’ll have you know, I know all of the Capitals in the UK

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

Why did Mario get executed for capitalizing the word fence?

Because it’s a capital offense.

I saw a lady protesting at the capital grounds with a sign that read " vaccines contain aborted fetus' "

I couldn't believe it, how can she be protesting something like that I thought.

I marched right up to her and said "you think that's bad? Johnson and Johnson makes organic baby oil"

What’s the capital city of Yemen?

Yea boi

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't forget capital letters...

In the world of high-tech gadgetry, more and more people who send text messages and emails have forgotten the art of capital letters.
For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement:

"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jac...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Choose a new password :

Choose a new password :

potato

Sorry, password must contain at least 8 letters.

boiled potato

Sorry, password must contain at least one number.

1 boiled potato

Sorry, password cannot contain spaces

50fuckingboiledpotatoes

Sorry, password mu...

A North Korean man frequently sneaks to the South Korean capital to gamble for bakery goods for his family.

He is the seoul breadwinner

Where is the capital of Zimbabwe?

In a Swiss bank account.

Scooby Doo villain apprehended in Colombian Capital

Says, “He would’ve gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those Medellín kids.”

What’s the difference between the Trump kids and the capital rioters?

Donald actually loves and supports the rioters!

...and thats basically capitalism

Two man are locked in a room. There is a cake in the middle of it. The first one thinks: "I now have two options:

1. I take half of the cake and the other half is for that other guy.
2. I kill that other guy and have the cake all by myself."

He goes for the second option and kills t...

Did you hear about the coronavirus infection rate spiralling out of control in the Irish capital?

It's Dublin.

I hate capitalism,

so i always type my messages in lowercase. i also hate racism, and refuse to run 100 metres.

Which country's capital has the fastest growing population?

Ireland. Everday it's Dublin.

\*Idk if this has been on here yet. My co worker told me this and I about had a stroke.\*

What type of music is played in every shoe store in South Korea’s capital city?

Soul

Everyone thinks the capital city of Australia is Sydney.

It’s actually Vienna.

A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

A blonde got tired of blonde jokes

One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last n...

Matthew McConaughey was spotted during the Capital Hill protests

When asked to comment what he saw he simply said,

“Alt Right, Alt Right, Alt Right”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which city is the capital of food porn?

Nuttingham

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism.

Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sen...

Melvin capital was caught with their pants down by the short squeeze

but it seems the SEC didn’t like seeing a full debriefing

You can't drive to the capital of Alaska, you can only get there by train or boat.

Did Juneau that?

My friend asked me how I was enjoying my visit in Oklahoma's state capital

I said, "It's an OK city."

What do you call a small protest against dumping trash in North Carolina’s capital?

A little Raleigh Litter Rally — literally!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some people have said that those who participated in the insurrection yesterday at the U.S. Capital should be thrown into a deep, dark hole.

But I believe they mean well.

They locked down and instituted a curfew in the capital of Switzerland.

It's a controlled Bern.

If I had a dollar for everything wrong with capitalism

... then I probably wouldn’t be complaining about capitalism.

What is the biggest problem with capitalism?

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Ask Any Librarian, What’s The Opposite of Capitalism?

lowercasism

The difference between capitalizing and not capitalizing is

Using chemicals to remove the polish and using chemicals to remove the Polish.

What do my girlfriend and ethical capitalism have in common?

They don't exist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

me :i dont like capitalization in words, it's a waste of time

Teacher:Its important for one really good reason, because it's the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent of the capital, so I'm the president and chairman of the board."

“I put up thirty percent of the money," said the second, "so I'm appointing myself vice president, secretary and treasurer."

“Well I put up five percent," pointed out the third partner. "What's that make me?"

The chairman said, "I'm appointing you vice president of sex and music." ...

What's the capital of Zimbabwe? (from /r/TIL)

About $200.

By /u/ChuckFikkens in a [/r/todayilearned comment](http://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/2r1fdv/til_in_2013_zimbabwes_national_public_account/cnbnv13)

Alaska has its own capital!

Did Juneau that?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How Bangkok became the capital of Thailand

Long ago there was a king of Thailand, and he unfortunately passed away due to old age. However the people of Thailand saw this as an opportunity to grow and create a capital and have a new young robust leader.

The people decided to go to the surrounding tribes and select a few fit young men ...

I invented a diet. It's called the lowercase diet. Don't eat foods with capital letters.

Works best if you're German!

To whomever made capital I and lower case L look the same..

l hope you're happy, Ioser.

Why does the capital of Puerto Rico have the same look as San Jose and San Salvador?

Because, when you've San Juan you've San them all.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've come up with a new capital punishment method: A meal that, once eaten, causes fatal diarrhea.

That way the offenders can eat, shit, and die.

Pakistan's capital city Islamabad has extended the ongoing lockdown for another eight days as the number of Covid-19 patients rose to 82, Dawn News reported today.

Things have gone from Islamabad to Islamaworse...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hideous little orc is in the kingdom's capital, looking to acquire medicine for his sick mom.

Nobody can stand the sight of him, with some even threatening violence of he doesn't leave.
He finds and alchemist's medicine shop at the market and tells him about his mother's illness.

"Ah, but of course!" says the alchemist, "It's clearly a case of Sakiara Fever. It's not very common at...

"Sir, I know you are having trouble typing in your password." "Please can we try again. Your password is capital A as in Apple, lowercase T as in Tom, the number 4, Q as in Cucumber... "

This is something I actually said during my call center days. The call screeners wouldn't let me forget for months.

Everyone is debated capital punishment nowadays talking about lethal injection and humane treatment. Me, I think we should just shoot them in the head...

Seems like a no-brainer to me

What is the capital punishment for cartoon characters?

Getting drawn & quartered.

If I was to visit just one capital city it would be Seoul.

If I decided on another one, that would be Dublin. And if I added a third it would be Tripoli.

What's it called when you take over one half of the capital of Hungary?

Pest control

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