I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS...

**THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.**

What type of music is played in every shoe store in South Korea’s capital city?

Soul

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Capitalism and politics explained in the best way possible.

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your ...

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Which city is the capital of food porn?

Nuttingham

They locked down and instituted a curfew in the capital of Switzerland.

It's a controlled Bern.

What's the difference between capitalism and socialism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man,  and in a socialist one, it’s the other way around.

What is the biggest problem with capitalism?

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Which country's capital has the fastest growing population?

Ireland. Everday it's Dublin.





\*Idk if this has been on here yet. My co worker told me this and I about had a stroke.\*

To teach my kids about capitalism...

...I made them pay for housing, food, and charged them to use the bathroom.

Then if they wanted to make any money, I had them compete against each other for who could do chores for the least amount of money.

Then when they unionised, I had the neighbour's kid do chores instead and gav...

Did you hear about the coronavirus infection rate spiralling out of control in the Irish capital?

It's Dublin.

...and thats basically capitalism

Two man are locked in a room. There is a cake in the middle of it. The first one thinks: "I now have two options:

1. I take half of the cake and the other half is for that other guy.
2. I kill that other guy and have the cake all by myself."

He goes for the second option and kills t...

Where is the Capital of Zimbabwe?

In a Swiss bank account.

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

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Three men enter a bar in the USSR. One says, "Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?" The other one says, "Because he was afraid of capitalism."

The whole bar died laughing

Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?

He was afraid of Capitalism.

Why does the capital of Puerto Rico have the same look as San Jose and San Salvador?

Because, when you've San Juan you've San them all.

"Dad, what's capitalism?"

"Here, take this £5 note and go and get me a BLT with a large coca cola."

The boy left his house and took the only possible route, up a huge hill. He got to the counter and made the order.

"That'll be £7.34," said the assistant.

"I only have £5, mister," said the boy. The assist...

My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution

Could this be a red flag?

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me :i dont like capitalization in words, it's a waste of time

Teacher:Its important for one really good reason, because it's the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.

What's the capital of France?

The F.

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These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent of the capital, so I'm the president and chairman of the board."

“I put up thirty percent of the money," said the second, "so I'm appointing myself vice president, secretary and treasurer."

“Well I put up five percent," pointed out the third partner. "What's that make me?"

The chairman said, "I'm appointing you vice president of sex and music." ...

What is the capital of Greece?

About $1.35 USD

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

I've told this story to many naive greens before me, so self-absorbed in their own notions of human conflict and the meaning of war. Whenever I finish the tale they're always pale as Lyndon B's corrupt lyin' ass. I can't blame 'em. This story kept me up throughout my whole deployment in those damn j...

Capitalism vs communism tought process

Capitalism:

"Two heads are better than one"

Communism:

"One head is better than none"

I was going to post a joke about Capitalism...

... but 99% of you can't afford to get it.

62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

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Daughter Of A Prosperous Lord Got Lost

He sent one of his workers to the capital city to find her. After a month he turns back. The Lord asks if he found the daughter.

He says "I have good and bad news, which first?". Lord wants the bad news first and the answer is: "Your daughter became a prostitute sir". He asks the good news an...

Bull auction.

My wife and I went to the auction in Paris Kentucky the other week and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ........

Pakistan is such a weird country

It's a Muslim country but their capital is Islamabad?

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How Bangkok became the capital of Thailand

Long ago there was a king of Thailand, and he unfortunately passed away due to old age. However the people of Thailand saw this as an opportunity to grow and create a capital and have a new young robust leader.

The people decided to go to the surrounding tribes and select a few fit young men ...

To whomever made capital I and lower case L look the same..

l hope you're happy, Ioser.

What's the capital of Greece?

About 5 euros.

Pakistan's capital city Islamabad has extended the ongoing lockdown for another eight days as the number of Covid-19 patients rose to 82, Dawn News reported today.

Things have gone from Islamabad to Islamaworse...

My russian boyfriend only writes in lowercase letters...

He doesn't like Capitalism

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I FOUND THIS VIRUS

I SAW THIS POST ON REDDIT THAT SAID HOT NUDES AND ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS INSTALL THIS APP. I GOOGLED IT AND IT WAS A VIRUS THAT MADE YOU ONLY BE ABLE TO TYPE IN CAPITALS

Everyone is debated capital punishment nowadays talking about lethal injection and humane treatment. Me, I think we should just shoot them in the head...

Seems like a no-brainer to me

My teacher randomly capitalizes letters on an assignment when someone misbehaves

It’s their capital punishment

A capital B is a pregnant P,

because it got the D.

I read that the three most popular Halloween costumes this year are clown, pumpkin, and dinosaur.

I'm capitalizing on this trend by selling costumes of Trump.

Which country’s capital is the fastest growing?

Answer: Ireland’s.

Every year it’s Dublin.

Tried translating a joke from Latvian.

John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. He has a lot of fun, and comes back ecstatic. His neighbor
Tolya asks him what he saw there.

"Well, I saw a giraffe."

"What's a giraffe?"

"Well, you know horses?"

"Yeah."

"It's like ...

The use of capitals can really change the meaning of a sentence

Example:

I like to eat candy

I like to eat capitals

>’Enter new password‘

~ 'chicken'
> ‘Password must contain a capital’
~ 'chickenkiev'

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Dear people who don't use capital letters.

We're the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse

What's it called when you take over one half of the capital of Hungary?

Pest control

What do you get if you cross Islam with Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

Joke about cursed shop

Me: Oh wow, this shop has everything my heart desires!

Spooky shopkeeper: Yes, but I will warn you... every item comes with a price...

Me:Yes, I know how shops work.

Spooky shopkeeper: The price will be more than you expect to pay!!

Me:Yes, I know how taxes work.

S...

A blonde got tired of blonde jokes...

One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last ni...

Series of jokes translated from Armenian

Some context: Abaran is a city in Armenia, and there's this stereotype about the "Abarantsi" (person from Abaran) who is supposed to be stupid and there's a bunch of jokes about it, kind of like blonde jokes (this is all for the sake of the joke, however, and we love and respect the people of Abaran...

I got a new job helping a one armed typist when she needs to do capital letters

It's shift work

If I was to visit just one capital city it would be Seoul.

If I decided on another one, that would be Dublin. And if I added a third it would be Tripoli.

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I've come up with a new capital punishment method: A meal that, once eaten, causes fatal diarrhea.

That way the offenders can eat, shit, and die.

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A teacher in 1st grade at school is angry with a student that always swears and pays no attention to the lesson

"what's your problem?" Teacher asks

"Miss, I think I shouldn't be in the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm far smarter than her. I should be at least in the 3rd grade" he replies.

She goes with him to the principal, with whom agree to do some knowledge tests.

-wha...

[LONG][INSPIRING] America: The land of opportunity

Good Read!
Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in New York walks to the corner where a shoe shine is always located. He sits on the couch, examines the Wall Street Journal, and the shoe shine gives his shoes a shiny, excellent look.
One morning the shoeshine asks the Executive Director:
...

"Sir, I know you are having trouble typing in your password." "Please can we try again. Your password is capital A as in Apple, lowercase T as in Tom, the number 4, Q as in Cucumber... "

This is something I actually said during my call center days. The call screeners wouldn't let me forget for months.

Alaska has its own capital!

Did Juneau that?

Cornwall has no capital

False or Truro

DC hasn't capitalize on Static popular

Which is just really SHOCKING.

A Belarusian joke

A guy is walking down the street in Minsk, the capital of Belarus very close to the protests when suddenly a police car full of cops pulls up. The cops jump out of the car and start beating up the guy.

The poor guy then yells: "No, please, stop! I voted for Lukashenko!"

One of the cops...

Scientists are saying that the capital of the Republic of Ireland has increased by a staggering 100%!

It’s Dublin

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I went up to my dad and said “can I ask you a question for a school project?”

He said “sure son, what do you need to know?”

I asked him, “dad, what’s politics?”

He told me “well son, let’s use our home as an example. I make the money, so I am capitalism. Your mom controls and administers the money, so let’s call her the government. We take care of what you need ...

A woman is being interviewed for jury selection

She says to the judge, “I can’t be on the jury since I don’t believe in capital punishment.”

The judge replies, “Don’t worry, ma’am. This case is about a man who promised his wife an expensive necklace for their anniversary but blew all the money playing roulette.”

“Oh, in that case,” ...

If you want to defeat capitalism......

If you want to defeat capitalism
Then you need to rally the *lowercase*

"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"

"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"


"That's easy, Berlin."


"And the capital of France?"


"Berlin"


"And the one of Poland?"


"Also Berlin."


"Good job Adolf, good job!"

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I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.

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Why is capitalization important?

because using chemicals to remove polish is just an annoying thing people have to do with their nails but using chemicals to remove Polish is one of hitler's war crimes.

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A hideous little orc is in the kingdom's capital, looking to acquire medicine for his sick mom.

Nobody can stand the sight of him, with some even threatening violence of he doesn't leave.
He finds and alchemist's medicine shop at the market and tells him about his mother's illness.

"Ah, but of course!" says the alchemist, "It's clearly a case of Sakiara Fever. It's not very common at...

My teacher said she would punish me if I didn't know Tehran is the capital of which country

So I ran

My Teacher Always Prevented Me From Starting Each Word Of A Sentence With An Uppercase Letter ...

But She’s Not Here Now So I’m Going To Capitalize On This Opportunity.

Piggy bank in the refrigerator

My cousin always "borrows" money from her older brother's piggy bank, which drives him crazy.

One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the refrigerator.

Inside was this note: "Dear sister, I hope you'll understand, but my capital has been frozen."

It can never remember the capital of Vietnam

It's really Hanoi-ing

Why is Ireland a good investment ?

Cause its capital is dublin'

Was at a “Capital One Cafe” and asked the waitress for her phone number.

Oh NOW they start guarding personal data.

A mother is helping her son study for a test : She asks him "What is the capital of Germany?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then asks "What is the capital of France?"

He replies "Berlin."

She asks "What is the capital of Russia?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then hugs him and says "Great job Adolf, you'll do so well on your geography exam!"

Temel enters a multi-choice mafriculation exam.

Temel enters a multi-choice matriculation exam. He flips a coin for each question and picks the choices accordingly. An hour into the exam – when all the students have given in their papers and he’s the only one left in the room, the invigilator sees that he’s still flipping coins; and tells him the...

Q: What do capitalism and communism have in common

A: Starving poor people

A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

Whats the capital of math?

Cos-Tan-Sinopel

Kosovo has the cleanest capital city in the world. Whichever capital city you think of

Kosovo’s is Pristina.

In light of the customers' data breach Capital One unveiled a new slogan today:

Who's in your wallet?

My joke about capital punishment got downvoted.

I guess it was great concept, poor execution.

If your visit of Vietnam's capital was unpleasant...

Then it was definitely an Hanoi-ing experience.

What's the worst route to take through Malawi's capital?

Lilongwe

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If you don’t think capitalization is important

Try writing this sentence without it - I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse.

Wanna see some small capital letters?

s a n m a r i n o

How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky? Louie-ville or Louis-ville?

It's Frankfort.

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What is Democracy

Lil John asks his dad "What is democracy?".

Dad: "Imagine our home is like a country. I bring money so I am like capitalism. Your mother orders everyone around so she is like government. Grandpa... Grandpa is like work unions. Our housemaid is working group. We do it all for you so you are th...

Why are Irish bankers so successful?

Because their capital's always Dublin.

The CEO of Capital One was gonna run for president but has since withdrew his candidacy.

Apparently they asked people how likely they were to vote for him but there was.......

0% interest

I finally understand the difference between capitalism, libertarianism, and socialism.

Capitalists hire libertarians to say socialism is bad. Socialists say capitalism is bad for free. And libertarians will say everyone else is bad as long as they get paid.

Do you know why I named my stomach "Budapest"?

Because it is the Capital of Hungary!

I invented a diet. It's called the lowercase diet. Don't eat foods with capital letters.

Works best if you're German!

What do you call people who think capitalism should go unchecked?

Ownanists.

Why do spies never use capitalization?

They like to stay low-key.

It's not easy educating kids in the capital of Connecticut.

I've got it bad, got it bad, got it bad; I'm a Hartford teacher.

How do you get rid of capitalism?

Just get rid of the shift and caps lock keys.

A celebrity from the capital of Taiwan

would be a Type-A Personality

Have you heard a joke about capital punishment?

Apparently, they're very hard to execute.

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