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Three men enter a bar in the USSR. One says, "Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?" The other one says, "Because he was afraid of capitalism."

The whole bar died laughing

What is the capital of Greece?

About 10 dollars.

A capital B is a pregnant P,

because it got the D.

A blonde got tired of blonde jokes...

One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last ni...

I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS

This one was written in Paris.

What country's capital has the fastest growing population.

Ireland, its Dublin everyday.

DC hasn't capitalize on Static popular

Which is just really SHOCKING.

Which country’s capital is the fastest growing?

Answer: Ireland’s.

Every year it’s Dublin.

My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution

Could this be a red flag?

If you want to defeat capitalism......

If you want to defeat capitalism
Then you need to rally the *lowercase*

Cornwall has no capital

False or Truro

I got a new job helping a one armed typist when she needs to do capital letters

It's shift work

What's it called when you take over one half of the capital of Hungary?

Pest control

62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital “Loo-uh-vul”, while 38% say “Loo-ee-ville.

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

If I was to visit just one capital city it would be Seoul.

If I decided on another one, that would be Dublin. And if I added a third it would be Tripoli.

What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man. In a socialist society, it's the other way round.

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Why is capitalization important?

because using chemicals to remove polish is just an annoying thing people have to do with their nails but using chemicals to remove Polish is one of hitler's war crimes.

Capitalization really changes a sentence.

For example:

I love candy.

I love capitalization.

Scientists are saying that the capital of the Republic of Ireland has increased by a staggering 100%!

It’s Dublin

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I've come up with a new capital punishment method: A meal that, once eaten, causes fatal diarrhea.

That way the offenders can eat, shit, and die.

"Sir, I know you are having trouble typing in your password." "Please can we try again. Your password is capital A as in Apple, lowercase T as in Tom, the number 4, Q as in Cucumber... "

This is something I actually said during my call center days. The call screeners wouldn't let me forget for months.

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Bovine Economics

Basic Economics, brought up to date...



\*\*SOCIALISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



You give one to your neighbor.



The government charges a gift tax.







\*\*COMMUNISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



The...

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Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."

Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is.”

Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, ...

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Why is grammar important

Capitalization is important

It is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse

Alaska has its own capital!

Did Juneau that?

Who knew? Ireland was the world's wealthiest nation.

Well, their capital is always Dublin.

Mrs. Swindon declined to serve on the jury because she was not a believer in capital punishment and didn’t want her beliefs to get in the way of the trial.

“But, Madam,” said the public defender, who had taken a liking to her kind face and calm demeanor, “this is not a murder trial. It is merely a civil lawsuit being brought by a wife against her husband. He gambled away the twelve thousand dollars he’d promised to spend on a sable coat for her birthda...

What do you get if you cross Islam with Capitalism?

No more notes about the profit.

History's biggest irony is that the Russian alphabet has no lowercase letters

It's all Capitalization.

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Dear people who don't use capital letters.

We're the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse

What's the capital of Greece?

About 5 euros.

It can never remember the capital of Vietnam

It's really Hanoi-ing

State Fair

My wife and I went to the state fair and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

' THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'





My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ....Smiled and s...

What's the difference between capitalism and communism?

Capitalism makes cents.

Was at a “Capital One Cafe” and asked the waitress for her phone number.

Oh NOW they start guarding personal data.

Whats the capital of math?

Cos-Tan-Sinopel

My teacher said she would punish me if I didn't know Tehran is the capital of which country

So I ran

If your visit of Vietnam's capital was unpleasant...

Then it was definitely an Hanoi-ing experience.

My wife baked me a cake and I told her I was sending it to Budapest.

She asked why Budapest.

I said I'd renamed my stomach Budapest

She asked why again

Because Budapest is the capital of Hungry.

She is divorcing me.

Q: What do capitalism and communism have in common

A: Starving poor people

A hideous little orc is in the kingdom's capital, looking to acquire medicine for his sick mom.

Nobody can stand the sight of him, with some even threatening violence of he doesn't leave.
He finds and alchemist's medicine shop at the market and tells him about his mother's illness.

"Ah, but of course!" says the alchemist, "It's clearly a case of Sakiara Fever. It's not very common at...

Why are Irish bankers so successful?

Because their capital's always Dublin.

In light of the customers' data breach Capital One unveiled a new slogan today:

Who's in your wallet?

The use of capitals can really change the meaning of a sentence

Example:

I like to eat candy

I like to eat capitals

I entered the new needfull things shop opened yesterday.

Me: Oh wow, this shop has everything my heart desires!

Spooky shopkeeper: Yes, I will warn you.. every item comes with a price.

Me: Yes, I know how shops work.

Spooky shopkeeper: The price may be more than you expect to pay.

Me: Yes, I know how US taxes work, too.

...

About 50 years ago in Texas

The bee protection act was passed which made it illegal to sabotage/kill bees from other farmers.

This was due to the fact that many bee farmers would sabotage each other and it became so big that Texas congress had to pass a law.

The problem was so big that it allowed for capital puni...

PASSWORD PROBLEMS ( LONG ONE )

Windows : Please enter your new password.

User : cabbage

Windows : Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

User : boiled cabbage

Windows : Sorry, the password must contain at least 1 numerical character.

User : 1 boiled cabbage

Windows : Sorry, t...

The Swing Bar

Jim's friends take him to a bar he hadn't been to before then. It was like any other joint, minus the oddly cheap booze, and the group of people huddled in the corner.

Jim asks the bartender what they're doing, and he explains that they're having a "swing".

Jim and his friends venture...

A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

Wanna see some small capital letters?

s a n m a r i n o

What's the worst route to take through Malawi's capital?

Lilongwe

I was in home for Christmas

My parents cooked a beef tenderloin. I said:
"Man, Budapest gonna love this"
They asked me who Budapest was.
"I named my stomach Budapest because it's the capital of HUNGRY"
And that's when they stopped calling me son.

What do you call people who think capitalism should go unchecked?

Ownanists.

How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky? Louie-ville or Louis-ville?

It's Frankfort.

"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"

"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"


"That's easy, Berlin."


"And the capital of France?"


"Berlin"


"And the one of Poland?"


"Also Berlin."


"Good job Adolf, good job!"

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If you don’t think capitalization is important

Try writing this sentence without it - I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.

The CEO of Capital One was gonna run for president but has since withdrew his candidacy.

Apparently they asked people how likely they were to vote for him but there was.......

0% interest

It's not easy educating kids in the capital of Connecticut.

I've got it bad, got it bad, got it bad; I'm a Hartford teacher.

I finally understand the difference between capitalism, libertarianism, and socialism.

Capitalists hire libertarians to say socialism is bad. Socialists say capitalism is bad for free. And libertarians will say everyone else is bad as long as they get paid.

Why did Joseph Stalin always write in lower case letters?

He hated capitalism.

How do you get rid of capitalism?

Just get rid of the shift and caps lock keys.

A celebrity from the capital of Taiwan

would be a Type-A Personality

My joke about capital punishment got downvoted.

I guess it was great concept, poor execution.

A mother is helping her son study for a test : She asks him "What is the capital of Germany?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then asks "What is the capital of France?"

He replies "Berlin."

She asks "What is the capital of Russia?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then hugs him and says "Great job Adolf, you'll do so well on your geography exam!"

Have you heard a joke about capital punishment?

Apparently, they're very hard to execute.

An American man, a Russian man and a Chinese man are in a car...

They reach an unmarked intersection and stop to decide where they should continue.

The American man scoffs: "I'm for pure capitalism, and that's right-wing. We'll turn right!"

The Russian frowns: "Communism is the natural order, and that's left-wing. We shall turn left!"

The Chi...

I really regret what I did in the capital of Thailand

Bangkok

I invented a diet. It's called the lowercase diet. Don't eat foods with capital letters.

Works best if you're German!

What happens when corn traders in the commodity market indulge in greedy but lame practices to profit?

Corny capitalism

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99% of people say: "Fuck capitalism"

Capitalism says: "Fuck 99% of people"

What do you call a girl born in the capital of the Philippines about 20 years ago?

A Femanilalinneal.

How many capitals does Fence have?!

They always say Murder is a capital of Fence, Kidnapping is a capital of Fence, Treason is a capital of Fence... and the names? Geeze, not very inviting places.

CHRISTMAS JOKE!

What's the difference between a pastry treat filled with a mixture of dried fruits and spices, and a secret agent from the capital of Belarus?
One is a mince pie, the other is a Minsk spy.

Have a great holidays everyone.

What’s the difference between true communism and unhindered capitalism.

One spies on the people, removes privacy for the sake of the masses, and props up an establishment that serves only the lucky few.

And the other fortunately never caught on in America.

Where is the capital of Zimbabwe?

In a Swiss bank account.

How is it, that the capital city of USA is also the place of most successful laundry bussines?

Because they're washing tons.

why are irish men so rich?

because their capital is dublin

The year is 2219

A dishevelled white haired man crosses the desert that was once the English Channel from the United Kingdom of England to visit the capital of the Eurasian Empire in Brussels. As has been the case for 200 years, he delivers an unsigned letter and returns home, only to repeat the process again the n...

Why do spies never use capitalization?

They like to stay low-key.

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I got fired from the keyboard factory yesterday

I wasn't putting in enough shifts, which I thought was some capital bullshit. They're such Ctrl freaks and now I need to find alternate work

You know, capitalism can be pretty complicated

But communism? Everyone gets it

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These puns are Capital!

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take h...

ISIS lost a capital today

ISIs

Why was the Irish bank teller happy?

Because his capital's Dublin.

(hope this isn't a repost)

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