I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS...

**THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.**

What’s the difference between capitalism and communism?

In capitalism man exploits man, but under communism it’s the other way around.

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

What type of music is played in every shoe store in South Korea’s capital city?

Soul

Why does the capital of Puerto Rico have the same look as San Jose and San Salvador?

Because, when you've San Juan you've San them all.

Which country's capital has the fastest growing population?

Ireland. Everday it's Dublin.





\*Idk if this has been on here yet. My co worker told me this and I about had a stroke.\*

Capitalism vs communism tought process

Capitalism:

"Two heads are better than one"

Communism:

"One head is better than none"

"Dad, what's capitalism?"

"Here, take this £5 note and go and get me a BLT with a large coca cola."

The boy left his house and took the only possible route, up a huge hill. He got to the counter and made the order.

"That'll be £7.34," said the assistant.

"I only have £5, mister," said the boy. The assist...

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Three men enter a bar in the USSR. One says, "Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?" The other one says, "Because he was afraid of capitalism."

The whole bar died laughing

What's the capital of France?

The F.

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me :i dont like capitalization in words, it's a waste of time

Teacher:Its important for one really good reason, because it's the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.

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These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent of the capital, so I'm the president and chairman of the board."

“I put up thirty percent of the money," said the second, "so I'm appointing myself vice president, secretary and treasurer."

“Well I put up five percent," pointed out the third partner. "What's that make me?"

The chairman said, "I'm appointing you vice president of sex and music." ...

What is the capital of Greece?

About $1.35 USD

I was going to post a joke about Capitalism...

... but 99% of you can't afford to get it.

To teach my kids about capitalism...

...I made them pay for housing, food, and charged them to use the bathroom.

Then if they wanted to make any money, I had them compete against each other for who could do chores for the least amount of money.

Then when they unionised, I had the neighbour's kid do chores instead and gav...

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How Bangkok became the capital of Thailand

Long ago there was a king of Thailand, and he unfortunately passed away due to old age. However the people of Thailand saw this as an opportunity to grow and create a capital and have a new young robust leader.

The people decided to go to the surrounding tribes and select a few fit young men ...

My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution

Could this be a red flag?

Pakistan's capital city Islamabad has extended the ongoing lockdown for another eight days as the number of Covid-19 patients rose to 82, Dawn News reported today.

Things have gone from Islamabad to Islamaworse...

Series of jokes translated from Armenian

Some context: Abaran is a city in Armenia, and there's this stereotype about the "Abarantsi" (person from Abaran) who is supposed to be stupid and there's a bunch of jokes about it, kind of like blonde jokes (this is all for the sake of the joke, however, and we love and respect the people of Abaran...

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A teacher in 1st grade at school is angry with a student that always swears and pays no attention to the lesson

"what's your problem?" Teacher asks

"Miss, I think I shouldn't be in the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm far smarter than her. I should be at least in the 3rd grade" he replies.

She goes with him to the principal, with whom agree to do some knowledge tests.

-wha...

My teacher randomly capitalizes letters on an assignment when someone misbehaves

It’s their capital punishment

Everyone is debated capital punishment nowadays talking about lethal injection and humane treatment. Me, I think we should just shoot them in the head...

Seems like a no-brainer to me

62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

A Belarusian joke

A guy is walking down the street in Minsk, the capital of Belarus very close to the protests when suddenly a police car full of cops pulls up. The cops jump out of the car and start beating up the guy.

The poor guy then yells: "No, please, stop! I voted for Lukashenko!"

One of the cops...

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I went up to my dad and said “can I ask you a question for a school project?”

He said “sure son, what do you need to know?”

I asked him, “dad, what’s politics?”

He told me “well son, let’s use our home as an example. I make the money, so I am capitalism. Your mom controls and administers the money, so let’s call her the government. We take care of what you need ...

A capital B is a pregnant P,

because it got the D.

Why did Trump cross The Road?

The Road is the name of a small business that fulfilled it's contract, exhausted all capital, and expected to be paid the rate that was agreed on.

~Enter new password.

- chicken.

~Password must contain at least one capital.

- chicken kiev

What's the capital of Greece?

About 5 euros.

Why is Ireland a good investment ?

Cause its capital is dublin'

Which country’s capital is the fastest growing?

Answer: Ireland’s.

Every year it’s Dublin.

A blonde got tired of blonde jokes...

One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last ni...

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What is Democracy

Lil John asks his dad "What is democracy?".

Dad: "Imagine our home is like a country. I bring money so I am like capitalism. Your mother orders everyone around so she is like government. Grandpa... Grandpa is like work unions. Our housemaid is working group. We do it all for you so you are th...

I got a new job helping a one armed typist when she needs to do capital letters

It's shift work

Capitalization really changes a sentence.

For example:

I love candy.

I love capitalization.

If I was to visit just one capital city it would be Seoul.

If I decided on another one, that would be Dublin. And if I added a third it would be Tripoli.

Cornwall has no capital

False or Truro

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A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"



Dad says, "Well, son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny we'll cons...

What's it called when you take over one half of the capital of Hungary?

Pest control

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Dear people who don't use capital letters.

We're the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse

DC hasn't capitalize on Static popular

Which is just really SHOCKING.

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Maldives is the most sexist country

Their capital city is Male

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I've come up with a new capital punishment method: A meal that, once eaten, causes fatal diarrhea.

That way the offenders can eat, shit, and die.

What do you get if you cross Islam with Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

If you want to defeat capitalism......

If you want to defeat capitalism
Then you need to rally the *lowercase*

"Sir, I know you are having trouble typing in your password." "Please can we try again. Your password is capital A as in Apple, lowercase T as in Tom, the number 4, Q as in Cucumber... "

This is something I actually said during my call center days. The call screeners wouldn't let me forget for months.

The use of capitals can really change the meaning of a sentence

Example:

I like to eat candy

I like to eat capitals

Alaska has its own capital!

Did Juneau that?

Scientists are saying that the capital of the Republic of Ireland has increased by a staggering 100%!

It’s Dublin

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Why is capitalization important?

because using chemicals to remove polish is just an annoying thing people have to do with their nails but using chemicals to remove Polish is one of hitler's war crimes.

Do you know why I named my stomach "Budapest"?

Because it is the Capital of Hungary!

My teacher said she would punish me if I didn't know Tehran is the capital of which country

So I ran

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A hideous little orc is in the kingdom's capital, looking to acquire medicine for his sick mom.

Nobody can stand the sight of him, with some even threatening violence of he doesn't leave.
He finds and alchemist's medicine shop at the market and tells him about his mother's illness.

"Ah, but of course!" says the alchemist, "It's clearly a case of Sakiara Fever. It's not very common at...

It can never remember the capital of Vietnam

It's really Hanoi-ing

Was at a “Capital One Cafe” and asked the waitress for her phone number.

Oh NOW they start guarding personal data.

Whats the capital of math?

Cos-Tan-Sinopel

Q: What do capitalism and communism have in common

A: Starving poor people

"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"

"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"


"That's easy, Berlin."


"And the capital of France?"


"Berlin"


"And the one of Poland?"


"Also Berlin."


"Good job Adolf, good job!"

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I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.

Kosovo has the cleanest capital city in the world. Whichever capital city you think of

Kosovo’s is Pristina.

If your visit of Vietnam's capital was unpleasant...

Then it was definitely an Hanoi-ing experience.

In light of the customers' data breach Capital One unveiled a new slogan today:

Who's in your wallet?

Why did Stalin write only in lowercase letter?

Because he hated capitalism.

A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

Cows & politics

***SOCIALISM***

You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.

***COMMUNISM***

You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

***FASCISM***

You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

***BUREAUCRATISM***

...

Wanna see some small capital letters?

s a n m a r i n o

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If you don’t think capitalization is important

Try writing this sentence without it - I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse.

What's the worst route to take through Malawi's capital?

Lilongwe

Why are Irish bankers so successful?

Because their capital's always Dublin.

A mother is helping her son study for a test : She asks him "What is the capital of Germany?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then asks "What is the capital of France?"

He replies "Berlin."

She asks "What is the capital of Russia?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then hugs him and says "Great job Adolf, you'll do so well on your geography exam!"

How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky? Louie-ville or Louis-ville?

It's Frankfort.

My joke about capital punishment got downvoted.

I guess it was great concept, poor execution.

The CEO of Capital One was gonna run for president but has since withdrew his candidacy.

Apparently they asked people how likely they were to vote for him but there was.......

0% interest

I finally understand the difference between capitalism, libertarianism, and socialism.

Capitalists hire libertarians to say socialism is bad. Socialists say capitalism is bad for free. And libertarians will say everyone else is bad as long as they get paid.

What do you call people who think capitalism should go unchecked?

Ownanists.

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Bovine Economics

Basic Economics, brought up to date...



\*\*SOCIALISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



You give one to your neighbor.



The government charges a gift tax.







\*\*COMMUNISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



The...

It's not easy educating kids in the capital of Connecticut.

I've got it bad, got it bad, got it bad; I'm a Hartford teacher.

I invented a diet. It's called the lowercase diet. Don't eat foods with capital letters.

Works best if you're German!

PASSWORD PROBLEMS ( LONG ONE )

Windows : Please enter your new password.

User : cabbage

Windows : Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

User : boiled cabbage

Windows : Sorry, the password must contain at least 1 numerical character.

User : 1 boiled cabbage

Windows : Sorry, t...

How do you get rid of capitalism?

Just get rid of the shift and caps lock keys.

A celebrity from the capital of Taiwan

would be a Type-A Personality

Have you heard a joke about capital punishment?

Apparently, they're very hard to execute.

Where is the capital of Zimbabwe?

In a Swiss bank account.

The human race?

Isn't that just capitalism?

My wife baked me a cake and I told her I was sending it to Budapest.

She asked why Budapest.

I said I'd renamed my stomach Budapest

She asked why again

Because Budapest is the capital of Hungry.

She is divorcing me.

I really regret what I did in the capital of Thailand

Bangkok

Why do spies never use capitalization?

They like to stay low-key.

How many capitals does Fence have?!

They always say Murder is a capital of Fence, Kidnapping is a capital of Fence, Treason is a capital of Fence... and the names? Geeze, not very inviting places.

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