UPJOKE
uppercaseassetscitytownmetropolitanstate capitalprovincecapgreatjakartabangkokstockcapitalismcapitalizecentral

The blonde's computer password had to be eight characters long and include at least one capital

So she made it "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyAlbany."

What is the capital of Russia?

About $10 USD

A newspaper recently hired a new Italian capital correspondent

They were the Times' new Roman.

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What did the capital O say to the capital Q?

Dude, your dick's hanging out..

I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS...

**THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.**

What is the difference between Capitalism and Socialism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man and in a socialist one, it's the other way around.

Did you know that the capital of Algeria is Algiers?

Algeria's capital is doubly named... but Libya's capital is tripoli

Why did Mario get executed for capitalizing the word fence?

Because it’s a capital offense.

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Struggles of passwords

Struggles of passwords

"Set password:"

carrot

"Password must be at least 8 characters."

boiled carrot

"Password must contain at least 1 number."

1 boiled carrot

"Password cannot contain spaces."

50boiledcarrots

"Password must contain at ...

You can make a capitalist poor and they’ll still believe in Capitalism

But if you make a socialist rich, you have a new capitalist.

What is the capital of Finland if it smelled really bad?

Helstinky

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Proper capitalization DOES matter, my teacher used to say...

...because there is a huge difference between "Helping uncle Jack off a horse." and "helping uncle jack off a horse"

I've found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.

It's shift work.

My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution

Could this be a red flag?

62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

The FBI recently found a common link amoung those that stormed the capital on the January 6th riots.

Turns out they all shop at Traitor Joes.

Difference between capitalism and communism

Q: What's the difference between capitalism and communism?
A: Under capitalism, Man exploits Man. Under communism, it is exactly the opposite.

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What’s the capital of Djibouti?

Dijibutthole

[Original] Which country has the 2nd fastest growing capital?

Ireland, it's Dublin and Dublin every year. But which country has the fastest growing capital?





Libya, it's Tripoli every year.

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A man obsessed with trains gets a job driving one in a faraway country...

Some day, for absolutely no reason, he goes a little crazy and starts speeding up more than he should. In a winding curve, he loses control and the train goes off track killing hundreds of people. He goes to court and is sentenced to the capital punishment for the murder. On the death row, the execu...

I saw a lady protesting at the capital grounds with a sign that read " vaccines contain aborted fetus' "

I couldn't believe it, how can she be protesting something like that I thought.

I marched right up to her and said "you think that's bad? Johnson and Johnson makes organic baby oil"

Politics in terms of cows

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The state takes a high portion of the milk they produce to be redistributed.


COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The State takes both of them and you have to get into a bread line for food instead.


FASCISM: You have two cows. The State will kill you ...

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Three men enter a bar in the USSR. One says, "Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?" The other one says, "Because he was afraid of capitalism."

The whole bar died laughing

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Choose a new password :

Choose a new password :

potato

Sorry, password must contain at least 8 letters.

boiled potato

Sorry, password must contain at least one number.

1 boiled potato

Sorry, password cannot contain spaces

50fuckingboiledpotatoes

Sorry, password mu...

What’s the capital city of Yemen?

Yea boi

What's the capital of Greece?

About 5 euros.

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With great enthusiasm and singing a song

Reagan visits the USSR and is amazed by the capital construction he has seen.

Reagan: "How do you manage to build structures like this? Your logistics is shit, you have no technology and people are apathetic."

Gorbachev: "Soviet people built it all with great enthusiasm and while singi...

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Cows and ideologies (long)

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots...

What do you call a Magician who has lost his magic?

ian

Our company recently did a password audit, it was found that an employee was using the following password:

**"VaderObiwanLukeBobafettGandalfFrodoGimliLegolasSacramento"**

When asked why he had such a long password, he rolled his eyes and said: *Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital."*

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Capitalism and politics explained in the best way possible.

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your ...

Matthew McConaughey was spotted during the Capital Hill protests

When asked to comment what he saw he simply said,

“Alt Right, Alt Right, Alt Right”

Scooby Doo villain apprehended in Colombian Capital

Says, “He would’ve gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those Medellín kids.”

I hate capitalism,

so i always type my messages in lowercase. i also hate racism, and refuse to run 100 metres.

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Which city is the capital of food porn?

Nuttingham

What’s the difference between the Trump kids and the capital rioters?

Donald actually loves and supports the rioters!

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

Joe Biden, Vladimir Putin and Boris Johnson had a near death experience together.

They met God and his closest angels, who told them that their time wasn’t up yet but that each of them could ask one question.

Biden went first. He asked "God, when will the Coronavirus pandemic end?" God made a sign to his angels. They went away and after 30 seconds they came back and whisp...

Ask Any Librarian, What’s The Opposite of Capitalism?

lowercasism

Did you hear about the coronavirus infection rate spiralling out of control in the Irish capital?

It's Dublin.

Which country's capital has the fastest growing population?

Ireland. Everday it's Dublin.





\*Idk if this has been on here yet. My co worker told me this and I about had a stroke.\*

Everyone thinks the capital city of Australia is Sydney.

It’s actually Vienna.

The difference between capitalizing and not capitalizing is

Using chemicals to remove the polish and using chemicals to remove the Polish.

Melvin capital was caught with their pants down by the short squeeze

but it seems the SEC didn’t like seeing a full debriefing

Do you know what Irish City is seeing the biggest population growth?

It is their capital. It is Dublin (doubling)...

What do you call the milk capital of the world

Mos-cow

What is the biggest problem with capitalism?

**[PLEASE DISABLE YOUR AdBlocker TO SEE THIS CONTENT]**

You can't drive to the capital of Alaska, you can only get there by train or boat.

Did Juneau that?

...and thats basically capitalism

Two man are locked in a room. There is a cake in the middle of it. The first one thinks: "I now have two options:

1. I take half of the cake and the other half is for that other guy.
2. I kill that other guy and have the cake all by myself."

He goes for the second option and kills t...

"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"

"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"


"That's easy, Berlin."


"And the capital of France?"


"Berlin"


"And the one of Poland?"


"Also Berlin."


"Good job Adolf, good job!"

What type of music is played in every shoe store in South Korea’s capital city?

Soul

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I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.

My friend asked me how I was enjoying my visit in Oklahoma's state capital

I said, "It's an OK city."

They locked down and instituted a curfew in the capital of Switzerland.

It's a controlled Bern.

What do you get if you cross Islam with Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

The use of capitals can really change the meaning of a sentence

Example:

I like to eat candy

I like to eat capitals

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Some people have said that those who participated in the insurrection yesterday at the U.S. Capital should be thrown into a deep, dark hole.

But I believe they mean well.

What do you call a small protest against dumping trash in North Carolina’s capital?

A little Raleigh Litter Rally — literally!

A mother is helping her son study for a test : She asks him "What is the capital of Germany?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then asks "What is the capital of France?"

He replies "Berlin."

She asks "What is the capital of Russia?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then hugs him and says "Great job Adolf, you'll do so well on your geography exam!"

It's summer 2022

The war has ended as Putin saw all celebrities singing "Imagine" and he promptly got his troops back to Russia. The first tourist arriving at Kyiv Airport and visiting the capital city under reconstruction. When they exit the airport, the first thing they see is a statue of the fallen soldiers, the ...

Trains in China

Heard this joke in China but it probably applies in most major capital cities.

A guy from Beijing and a guy from Shanghai were talking about travelling on trains in their cities and how crowded the trains were.

The guy from Beijing says “In Beijing the trains are so crowded that the ot...

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Two buddies were talking about their plans to fly overseas after COVID winds down

- As soon as this mess is over, I'm flying to Paris, France!
- France you say? Wow, you're going to have a blast. Paris is the sex capital of the world. You'll probably get laid on the flight out, certainly in the cab on the way to the hotel. And when you reach the hotel, man, you won't believe i...

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me :i dont like capitalization in words, it's a waste of time

Teacher:Its important for one really good reason, because it's the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.

My joke about capital punishment got downvoted.

I guess it was great concept, poor execution.

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These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent of the capital, so I'm the president and chairman of the board."

“I put up thirty percent of the money," said the second, "so I'm appointing myself vice president, secretary and treasurer."

“Well I put up five percent," pointed out the third partner. "What's that make me?"

The chairman said, "I'm appointing you vice president of sex and music." ...

A man went to a local shop, even though there were rumors going around that it was haunted, hadn’t heard them yet.

The shopkeeper came to him and said, “I must warn you young man, every item here comes with a price.”

The man said, “yes I know how stores work.”

The shopkeeper, now frustrated, said, “But these items might come with a price that is larger than you plan for.”

The man, also fru...

"Dad, what's capitalism?"

"Here, take this £5 note and go and get me a BLT with a large coca cola."

The boy left his house and took the only possible route, up a huge hill. He got to the counter and made the order.

"That'll be £7.34," said the assistant.

"I only have £5, mister," said the boy. The assist...

To teach my kids about capitalism...

...I made them pay for housing, food, and charged them to use the bathroom.

Then if they wanted to make any money, I had them compete against each other for who could do chores for the least amount of money.

Then when they unionised, I had the neighbour's kid do chores instead and gav...

I was going to post a joke about Capitalism...

... but 99% of you can't afford to get it.

Why does the capital of Puerto Rico have the same look as San Jose and San Salvador?

Because, when you've San Juan you've San them all.

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How Bangkok became the capital of Thailand

Long ago there was a king of Thailand, and he unfortunately passed away due to old age. However the people of Thailand saw this as an opportunity to grow and create a capital and have a new young robust leader.

The people decided to go to the surrounding tribes and select a few fit young men ...

To whomever made capital I and lower case L look the same..

l hope you're happy, Ioser.

Alaska has its own capital!

Did Juneau that?

Pakistan's capital city Islamabad has extended the ongoing lockdown for another eight days as the number of Covid-19 patients rose to 82, Dawn News reported today.

Things have gone from Islamabad to Islamaworse...

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I've come up with a new capital punishment method: A meal that, once eaten, causes fatal diarrhea.

That way the offenders can eat, shit, and die.

What is the capital of Greece?

About $1.35 USD

Why do spies never use capitalization?

They like to stay low-key.

"Sir, I know you are having trouble typing in your password." "Please can we try again. Your password is capital A as in Apple, lowercase T as in Tom, the number 4, Q as in Cucumber... "

This is something I actually said during my call center days. The call screeners wouldn't let me forget for months.

A Russian spy infiltrated in America is arrested

A Russian spy under the alias of “Joe Smith” is arrested by American officials. He is put in an interrogation room and confronted by an official, Agent Perry.

Smith: “I don’t understand, why am I being interrogated?”

Perry: “Drop the act, Smith, if that even is your real name. We know ...

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A hideous little orc is in the kingdom's capital, looking to acquire medicine for his sick mom.

Nobody can stand the sight of him, with some even threatening violence of he doesn't leave.
He finds and alchemist's medicine shop at the market and tells him about his mother's illness.

"Ah, but of course!" says the alchemist, "It's clearly a case of Sakiara Fever. It's not very common at...

If I was to visit just one capital city it would be Seoul.

If I decided on another one, that would be Dublin. And if I added a third it would be Tripoli.

Everyone is debated capital punishment nowadays talking about lethal injection and humane treatment. Me, I think we should just shoot them in the head...

Seems like a no-brainer to me

I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital...

They told me that case was sensitive.

Where is the capital of Zimbabwe?

In a Swiss bank account.

What's it called when you take over one half of the capital of Hungary?

Pest control

My teacher said she would punish me if I didn't know Tehran is the capital of which country

So I ran

A capital B is a pregnant P,

because it got the D.

Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?

Because he hated capitalism.

It’s not “AOC” it’s “aoc”

because she doesn’t like capitalism.

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