A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital “Loo-uh-vul”, while 38% say “Loo-ee-ville.

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

I WRITE MY JOKES IN CAPITALS

THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear people who don't use capital letters.

We're the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse

Which country’s capital is the fastest growing?

Answer: Ireland’s. 

Every year it’s Dublin.

Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?

Because he hated Capitalism

My Colorblind friend just moved to Denver.

He says it’s the capital of Ado.

why are irish men so rich?

because their capital is dublin

What country has the largest capital?

Ireland, because it's always Dublin.

Wanna see some small capital letters?

s a n m a r i n o

I just got a great new job, its helping out a one armed typist whenever she wants to do capital letters...

It's shift work...

What's the worst route to take through Malawi's capital?

Lilongwe

What is the Capital of Greece?

About 5 Euros.

A hideous little orc is in the kingdom's capital, looking to acquire medicine for his sick mom.

Nobody can stand the sight of him, with some even threatening violence of he doesn't leave.
He finds and alchemist's medicine shop at the market and tells him about his mother's illness.

"Ah, but of course!" says the alchemist, "It's clearly a case of Sakiara Fever. It's not very common at...

How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky? Louie-ville or Louis-ville?

It's Frankfort.

It's not easy educating kids in the capital of Connecticut.

I've got it bad, got it bad, got it bad; I'm a Hartford teacher.

The use of capitals can really change the meaning of a sentence

Example:

I like to eat candy

I like to eat capitals

The CEO of Capital One was gonna run for president but has since withdrew his candidacy.

Apparently they asked people how likely they were to vote for him but there was.......

0% interest

A celebrity from the capital of Taiwan

would be a Type-A Personality

A blonde got tired of blonde jokes

One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last n...

Have you heard a joke about capital punishment?

Apparently, they're very hard to execute.

why do millennials always type in lowercase?

because they reject capitalism.

A mother is helping her son study for a geography test.

She asks him: "What is the capital of Germany?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of France?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of Russia?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"Good job, Adolf, you'll do great on your test tomorrow."

What do you call a girl born in the capital of the Philippines about 20 years ago?

A Femanilalinneal.

I really regret what I did in the capital of Thailand

Bangkok

How many capitals does Fence have?!

They always say Murder is a capital of Fence, Kidnapping is a capital of Fence, Treason is a capital of Fence... and the names? Geeze, not very inviting places.

A young man helps his grandfather with his computer issues

His grandfather seems to be unable to set a password.

Trying to figure out the problem the young man looks at the password the old man is trying to set

His password is “ParisLondonMickeyMouse”

Puzzled by this, the man asks his grandfather why he wants to set this password anyway...

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

“MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyNewYork” When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

I invented a diet. It's called the lowercase diet. Don't eat foods with capital letters.

Works best if you're German!

My joke about capital punishment got downvoted.

I guess it was great concept, poor execution.

How is it, that the capital city of USA is also the place of most successful laundry bussines?

Because they're washing tons.

"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"

"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"


"That's easy, Berlin."


"And the capital of France?"


"Berlin"


"And the one of Poland?"


"Also Berlin."


"Good job Adolf, good job!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

These puns are Capital!

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take h...

What is the capital of Hungary?

Starving

Did you hear the capital of ISIS was taken?

It’s now WASWAS

Where is the capital of Zimbabwe?

In a Swiss bank account.

Why are kids from the capital of Belgium always so tall?

Because people from Brussels sprout!

Kratos visited Idaho's capital

Boyse

Did you know that the best leaders are born and bred in the capital of Taiwan?

They all have Taipei personalities.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Choosing a new password

Choosing a new password:

potato


Sorry, password must contain at least 8 letters.

boiled potato


Sorry, password must contain at least one number.


1 boiled potato


Sorry, password cannot contain spaces


50fuckingboiledpotatoes...

I had a detention for only using uppercase letters today

Stupid capital punishment

I’m really worried about Jerusalem being recognised as the capital of Israel.

Who’s going to Tel Aviv?

I bought a book on Capitalism but returned it.

Most of the letters were lower case.

I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital...

They told me that case was sensitive.

Catwoman don't know the capital of Nepal...

but Kathmandu!

A North Korean man frequently sneaks to the South Korean capital to gamble for bakery goods for his family.

He is the seoul breadwinner

What Do You Call Someone Who Puts A Capital Letter Of Every Word?

A Capitalist.

Capital letters...

...the difference between using chemicals to remove polish, and using chemicals to remove Polish.

Free Speech - West vs East

A Russian diplomat and an American diplomat are discussing the differences between their two systems.

The American tries to make it easy for the Russian to understand the concept of free speech.

"Anytime I want", says the Yank, "I can walk right up to the top of the steps at Capital Hi...

There is a type of capital punishment where the executioner yells mispronounced words at the inmates until they die.

It's called lethal inflection.

"What's the capital of Alaska?"

\- "Juneau".

\- "No, I don't, that's why I'm asking".

The Washington Capitals walk into a bar.

Everybody orders a drink. They all finish drinking and order another. The Bartender asks if they would like to start a tab. Ovechkin comes out and says, "No, thanks. We always stop at the second round."

The judge told me I might get capital punishment for my crimes, and asked me if I knew what it meant..

I didn't, so I told him to use it in a sentence.

What's the capital of Zimbabwe? (from /r/TIL)

About $200.

By /u/ChuckFikkens in a [/r/todayilearned comment](http://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/2r1fdv/til_in_2013_zimbabwes_national_public_account/cnbnv13)

There's this lawyer who is sitting in an airport, waiting for his plane to board

When he notices a sleeping blonde woman next to him.
The lawyer thinks that he can make a quick buck off of this woman, and decides to wake her up.

"What do you want?"

"I want to play a trivia game with you, if I give you a question where you don't know the answer, you give me $5, b...

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