Im from colombia and if i got a dollar everytime someone asked me if i sell cocaine.

I would not have to sell cocaine anymore.

A young student looking for a job goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store.

The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Very little.”

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was l...

What do you call a factory that sells good products?

A satisfactory.

A poor old lady was forced to sell her valuables to avoid eviction.

As she rummaged through her dusty belongings, she came across a dull copper kettle. Intrigued by it’s possible value the old woman dusted it off and BAM! A genie erupted from its neck.

The genie says “I have seen your plights, and will grant you three wishes.”

The woman, astounded, t...

Vegans say whoever sells meat is disgusting, well

i say people who sell vegetables are grocer.

I’ve decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.

Well, it was just collecting dust.

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.

He replies, "Yes we do.
Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

A man goes to a tool store to buy a chainsaw. The server sells him the top-of-the-line model, saying that it will cut through over 100 trees in one day.

The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees.

“How can I cut for hours and hours and only finish two trees?” he asks himself.

Next day the man brings the chainsaw back to the store and says it doesn’t work prope...

A cowboy's horse died on the trail so he had to walk for three days to the next town.He looked everywhere in that town but nobody had an extra horse they could sell.So he took a two day journey to the next town only to find himself in the same situation.However,he did stop by a stable and a man

Suggested he see his brother who runs a stable two days walk just south of town.He finds the stable and near death from exhaustion asks"hey mister,I hear you might have a horse for sale."The stable owner says"well I have one,but he don't look so good."The man replied"I've been walking for nearly a w...

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I put hidden cameras in every butter factory in the world and will sell access to them,

Some people just want to watch the world churn

My friend from Cairo keeps trying to sell me his time share property...

... I think it might be a Pyramid Scheme.

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Little Johnny sells a duck

One day a farmer decides to sell 3 of his ducks. He gives one to each of his sons, Billy, Bobby and Johnny and tells them to go to market and see what they can get for the ducks.

So Billy goes to market and comes back, and he says to his dad “hey dad!! I got ten bucks for that duck!” “Very go...

She used to sell sea shells by the sea shore, until they turned the shore into a shopping mall. Now...

She sells shoe soles by the shoe store.

I used to sell home security systems.

It was super easy.

I went door to door and If the customer wasn't home, I'd just leave my brochure and business card on their dining room table.

I'm planning on opening a chicken restaurant that sells average food.

It'll be called OKFC.

Did you hear about the shop that just opened in India that sells fresh meat and cheese?

It's a new deli.

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An elderly woman with a shaky voice walks into a sex shop and asks, "Do y-y-ooou-u s-s-sell vib-b-rat-ors?", the store worker told her "Yes we do, ma'am."

She replied, "H-h-how d-do I t-turn-n it off-ff?"

What do you call someone who sells themself in exchange for spaghetti?

A pasta-tute

A lemonade seller and the businessman.

A lemonade seller was standing in the hot sun selling lemonade. A customer, who is a businessman approached him and asked him the prices.


"$3 for a full glass, $30 for 5 empty ones."


Astonished, the businessman asks him, "What is that supposed to mean?" The seller remained sil...

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A Russian and a Jew (long joke)

On a train to Moscow, a Jew and a Russian army captain were sharing a compartment, the Russian was little bigot and have stereotype towards Jews, so he asked the Jew, "Hey Jew how come you all are so smart" The Jew was eating herring so he kept quite and didn't reply, so the Russian keep on asking h...

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There is a store in Spain that sells exquisite handmade writing instruments.

This store has all kinds of bespoke fountain pens and rollerball pens and even ball point pens. There are pens made of fine hard woods and precious metals inlaid with all kinds of gems. These pens are all handmade by artisans who have been in the business for generations.

But what really sets...

What do you call an Iraqi guy who sells bags to feed his children?

A bagdad

What do you call someone who sells synthetic limbs?

An arms dealer

A man sells a dog.

The buyer asks, “Is he healthy?”

“My dog is very healthy,” the seller answers.

“Is he smart?”

“My dog is very smart.”

“Is he loyal?”

“Yes, my dog is extremely loyal! I’m selling him for the fifth time already.”

If Farmer A sells apples, and Farmer B sells bananas, what does Farmer C sell?

Medicine.

My local heroin dealer sells Bobby Brown

When I asked him about the name he stabbed me. Turns out he didn't want to talk smack.

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What do you call a snowman that sells it's body for sex

A frostitute.

What's that company that sells the table's legs separately?

IK*EA*

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So I work at Amazon and suddenly realized why we sell so many diapers.

Because we sell so many sex toys.

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Someone should really put marijuana butter on popcorn and sell it...

they could call it Mari Poppins.

What do you call a skeleton trying to sell a wall?

Ann Coulter

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Jewish rope merchant from New York was trying desperately to sell some of his goods in Louisiana. But wherever he went, he kept encountering Anti-Semitism.

In one particular department store, the buyer taunted him:

“All right, Jew. I’ll buy some of your rope. As much as reaches from the top of your big Jewish nose to the tip of your little Jewish penis.”

Two weeks later, the buyer was startled to receive a shipment containing ten thousand...

I tried to sell AMC a movie about menstruation.

They said they weren't interested in doing another period piece.

I went on shark tank to sell a mixed meat product

I offered 20% steak

This guy last night tried to sell me a coffin

I told him that’s the last thing I need

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A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, ...

How can people sell out for money?

No,really, I’m looking for advice.

Why did the duck need to sell himself?

He got hooked on the quack.

I'm thinking of opening a shop which sells used artificial limbs

Call it the second hand second hand store

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A farmer goes to the local farmer's market to try and sell his bull. A stranger comes up to him to inquire about the animal.

Stranger: Is your bull good at breeding?

Farmer: Of course he's good. Shit, he's even too good! He tries to mount every single cow, horses, donkeys, sheeps, etc. There's not an animal on that farm he hasn't tried to fuck yet.

Stranger: Then why are you selling him?

Farmer: Becau...

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What do you call it when a homosexual sells government secrets?

Lesbianage

A man stands on a street corner, looking for the right customer to sell to.

The man sees another man who seems important. Fancy, gray suit from a world-renown tailor, a watch witch appears to be 24k gold and looks like the guys in the suit commercials.

The man on the corner takes his chance. "Excuse me, sir in the gray!" He starts, getting the man's attention. "Would...

I’ve written a sitcom about a family who sell Islamic headdresses.

It’s called Bob’s Burqas.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you say to a person who sells you a bowl of feces?

That's bowl-shit!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man commisions his three kids to each sell a duck

The eldest goes out, and returns having sold the duck for 5 dollars.
The middle child goes out, and returns a tad more successful having sold the duck for 10 dollars.
The youngest child goes out, and while at the market, gets propositioned by a lady of the night. He explains he has no money...

I opened a company that sells land mines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof!

How helping my daughters sell Girl Scout cookies almost got me in trouble.....

I have 2 daughters that were in Girl Scouts. I was helping them sell cookies by asking co-workers if they would like to buy a box or 2.
One uptight co-worker found out that they go for $5.00 started balking about the price. Stating he cannot see spending $5.00 for a few minutes of pleasure.
...

Why wouldn't a "Fight Club" video game sell well?

The marketing would be nonexistent.

A sketchy dude was trying to sell me an elaborate pillowcase.

It turns out it was a sham.

The real reason not all Costco’s sell ice...

they don’t want to refund every person with a cup of water.

Trumpets and Guns

n a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"

"What do you mean strange?"

"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"

"So?"

"Well, let me put it this way, ...

A shop that sells fake grass for gardens was robbed...

Afterwards the owner was asked why he was so defensive during the robbery of the fake grass, to which he replied:

“Well, it’s my home turf.”

Did you hear about the blind fella going from house to house trying to sell his dog?

He was Labrador-to-door salesman

Hear about the guy who tried to sell the 26 northernmost counties of Texas?

He was arrested for panhandling.

Did you hear about the t-rex who sells pistols?

He's a small arms dealer

I used to sell drugs to kids at the school for the visually impaired until I was caught...

Luckily they turned a blind eye.

I’ve decided to sell all my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay

Imagine all the PayPal!

How do you sell an iPhone to a Soviet?

Call it ourPhone.

I decided to set up a store that only sells gravy, bone gravy, Oxo & Bisto.

If you want some, you'd better hurry, while stocks last.

What do you call it when a company that sells milk doesn't have have any cows in roles of power

Lactation without Representation

A blonde tried to sell her old car.

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day she mentioned her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a way to make your car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
...

What do you call a black guy who sells drugs?

A pharmacist, you racist ass.

If I had to sell any of my organs...

...I'd sell my piano.

I've been trying to sell a rap themed shirt with the greatest disses of all time on it, but apparently it's not selling well.

I'll have to up the discount.

Why did the rich man sell yeast?

To raise some dough.

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream,

“Where did you get that car?”

He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”

“With what money?” demanded his parents.

We know what a Porsche costs..”

“Well,” said the boy, “this on...

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I used to sell fertilizer.

It was a bullshit job.

A farmer from the midwest was trying to sell his farm so he could retire in Florida.

The farm had been on the market for several months with no prospects until a man stopped and asked about the place.

The farmer explains that there were 1,000 acres half farmable and the other half beautiful timber with a trout stream and a small pond full of small mouth bass.

The man...

We dont need to sell arms to the Saudis anymore.

They already have plenty in the consul's garden.

Why do stores sell more gifts during Valentine’s Day compared to Mother’s Day?

Because mom we only got one.

If you buy a goat for $10 and named him Mohammed, then sell it for $15.

Did you make a prophet?

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Selling Toothbrushes. Source: My Dad

(Long)
One day a man was walking down the street when he sees a kid on the corner selling tooth brushes. The kid asks him, "Hey sir would you like to buy a toothbrush?"
The man says, "I would except I already have one at home. I don't need one right now but do you want a tip to help...

A baker bakes 73,247 baguettes in a year and sells each for $2.73. What does he make?

Bread.

I am starting a company to produce and sell Marijuana infused meat.

Our motto is "A pot in every chicken."

You know which store sells the best nuts?

Aldi’s

How do you sell a ship with a broken mast?

Promote a half-off sail.

If you sell your Xbox or PS4...

Does that make you inconsolable?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Who makes more money, a drug dealer or a prostitute?

A prostitute, because she can wash her crack and sell it again!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
...

Did you hear about the guy who wanted to sell pizza on airplanes?

It was a pie in the sky idea

Interview sales pitch

I was in a job interview today. The interviewing manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."

So I put the laptop under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.

Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!"

...

What's the only drink a Jewish bar sells?

He-Brew

Did you hear about the shop that sells sentient drones?

They're flying off the shelves

I sell balloons for 10p each or if you want them blown up it's 15p.

I've adjusted the price to allow for inflation.

What do you call a store that only sells pretzels, bagels and donuts?

Hole Foods.

Shelly sells seashells down by the seashore

Shelly got chlamydia.

I wish the name of a business would describe what it sells...

Curry's doesn't sell curries, dominos doesn't sell dominoes, and the virgin megastore, what a disappointment.

I received a call from a man trying to sell shares in Egyptian property.

Sounded like a pyramid scheme.

What’s the difference between a coke dealer and a dealer who sells other drugs?

A thin white line.

Son: Dad, if the blacksmith forges the sword, who sells it?

Dad: That's easy son. Whoever smelt it, dealt it.

A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks.

"We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says the bartender.

A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost.

He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said "Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on".
She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7, you're on 6". He thanked her and continued playing golf.
On the back nine he got lost again.
He saw the same lady and went to h...

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A woman is desperately looking for a husband, but she happens to stumble upon a stores that sells men.

The woman can't believe her luck, and runs inside. On the first floor, there is a sign that reads:

"Welcome to the Husband Store! There are 9 floors in all, but be warned: once you go past a floor, you're not allowed to go back down. You either make a purchase, or leave empty handed."

...

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There’s a store near my house that sells nothing but basketballs and alcohol.

They call it Rubber Balls and Liquor.

A guy tries to sell his first painting ever...

So he goes to an art dealer to show it to him.

"What is it titled?" - the dealer asks.

"Me at the bar, drinking."

"But all I see is two nude bodies. Who are they?"

"My neighbor and my wife, f\*cking"

"And where are you?"

"At the bar, drinking."

How do you sell beans for the price of beef?

Make vegan burger.

I know a store that sells tennis equipment at ridiculously high prices.

What a racket!

What do you call a bar that sells cocaine (oc)

Escobar. Came up with this sometime after watching narcos.