Helium saved 6 people from a house fire.

He’s such a noble gas.

I had to quit my job at the helium factory.

I couldn’t stand being spoken to in that tone.

A Proton, a neutron and Helium walk into a bar...

A proton, a neutron and Helium walk into a bar and order three beers.
The bartender appears with three beers in hand and asks the proton, “Are you sure you are above 21?”
The proton replies, “I’m positive.” The bartender then gives the proton his beer.
He then says to neutron while giving ...

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium?

HeHe...

Im making bad chemistry jokes coz all the good ones argon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the Helium atom feel lonely? No one wanted to bond with it would be a logical answer.

The truth is, it is just an asshole!

Three Helium molecules walk into a bar

The bartender asks, "what's so funny?"

Helium walks into a bar. The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gases."

He doesn't react.

I’ve never tried inhaling helium before

But people speak very highly of it

My friend recently told me a joke about Helium

He He He

Did you hear the joke about the two helium atoms?

He He

What did the scientist say when he found 2 Helium isotopes?

HeHe

I am pretty sure helium hates my jokes

Yeah,he pretty much dosent react to any of them

Helium, neon, argon, krypton, xenon and argon walk into a bar.

The bartender shouts at them: "GET OUT!"

They didn't react.

The chemistry teacher babbles on, "Yada yada, chemical formulae, elements, atoms, Helium, Lithium, Beryllium..."

One of the students stands up and says, "BORON!!!"

Helium walks into a bar.

Or, rather than walks, floats; for helium, at room temperature, is a gas, and thus has no legs with which to walk, and, due to its lighter-than-air nature, does not sink to the ground. The bartender himself is confused, for not only is helium invisible to the naked eye in the absence of another obje...

Why is helium so expensive?

The price went up due to inflation!

I was reading a book about helium

I couldn't put it down.

I have a girlfriend that's addicted to inhaling helium.

If she keeps it up, I'm just going to have to let her go.

I'm outraged at the price of helium balloons.

Bloody inflation.

Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong...

I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat.

What do you do with a sick chemist?

If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Breaking :A man was arrested yesterday for impersonating a helium balloon.

A spokesperson for the police said.. We held him for a while and then let him go..

Carbon and Helium were having a conversation.

Carbon: “ And then I said, Barium!”

Osmium walks into the room.

“What’s so funny guys?”

Carbon whispers to Helium: “Don’t tell him. He’s too dense to get it.”

What do you call a helium balloon shaped like Albert Einstein?

A stable genius.... (original)

I met this guy who liked to put helium balloons in his ship

Whatever floats your boat I guess

The first double Helium molecule should be named after Michael Jackson

HeHe

Imagine what the first person who inhaled helium thought...

They must have spoke very highly about it.

Three atoms, hydrogen, helium, and oxygen walk into a bar.

They go up to the bartender, Germanium, and start to order their drinks, but soon realise they are short on cash.

Hydrogen says to Germanium, "Hey man, we've had a long week, bonding is hard. If we can make you laugh, can we drink for free tonight?"

Germanium thinks about it for a min...

Helium excimers are no laughing matter...

Even if their formula is HeHe

Oxygen tried to pick a fight with Helium

Helium didn't react at all, he simply rose above, Carbon was watching the whole thing and said, "That's very noble of you"

Why do chemists call Helium, Curium, and Barium 'the medical elements'?

Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'barium'!

Oxygen, helium, sulphur, sodium and phosphorus walk in to a bar...

OH SNaP

LPT: If your dentist has no painkillers, ask him for Helium.

It will be hilarious when you scream.

People often make fun of me for swallowing helium

But I rise above it.

What happened when there was a global helium shortage?

Prices ballooned.

Why isn't there any helium in North Korea?

Because helium can only be found in a free state.

Found out today that the sun is around 26% helium.

That must be why it’s so light.

You can easily make money by collecting helium and selling it for a dollar per pound.

No weight, that doesn't make any cents...

I once worked in a helium factory

It wasn't a very nice job, because of the leaks, but the owner was very sympathetic and we all spoke highly of her.

Walks into a bar chemistry jokes

Silver walks into a bar
He sees gold in the distance and yell’s,
“AU! Get outa here!”

Helium walks into a bar
The bartender says,
“Sorry we don’t serve noble gases here”
Helium doesn’t react

What do you call it when Argon, Neon, Krypton, Xenon, Radon, and Helium frequently attend church?

Noble Masses.

I just got hired at the helium factory

I find the job uplifting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the big ball of hydrogen and helium give Harvey Weinstein a blowjob?

Because he said he would make her a star!

What do you get if you mix laughing gas and helium?

He He He

Neon bumped into helium.

There was no reaction.

I used to work in a helium factory...

But I left, because I didn't like the way they spoke to me...

[Read the second part with a helium voice.]

My favourite element is helium..

I can't speak highly enough of it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Helium

Helium walks into a bar, where he sees Argon, Krypton, and Neon sitting at a table. They cast dirty looks in his direction. Neon stands up and shouts across the bar, "Get your ass out of here! You don't deserve to be a noble gas, and they won't serve your kind here!"

Helium does not react.

My cousin only breathed helium when he was born

He has Up Syndrome.

My friend takes helium recreationally.

He speaks very highly about it.

What did helium say when asked if wanted to date sodiumhypobromite?

He: NaHBrO

Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gasses here". He doesn't react, because living a society that systematically discriminates against noble gasses has taught him that getting angry will only bring violence upon him. He totally writes an angry tumblr post about it later that evening thou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you combine Helium, Yttrium, Selenium, and Xenon?

**HeYSeXe**

What do you do with a sick chemist?

First you try helium,then try curium,but if that doesn't work.You barium

Why did the man commit suicide by helium suffocation?

He wanted to go out on a high note.

I bought my girlfriend a big helium balloon for her birthday

it didn't go down very well.

Science joke

I would tell you a joke about helium, but I don’t feel qualified to talk about..
He he he

To break the ice before a lab, we were told to tell our assigned groups the chemical element that represents us...

Sally said Helium because she's carefree and doesn't react to much. John said Potassium cause he loves to bring his energy into things and he's not keen on baths. Mary said Iron because she's malleable and likes to support everyone.
I said Uranium because I'm dense, unstable, and toxic.

Helium is a limited resource and we could run out of it in our lifetime...

Balloon prices are going to go sky high.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chemist discovered a revolutionary new compound of technetium, sulfur, helium, and bismuth.

It got him tons of BiTcHeS.

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