Helium saved 6 people from a house fire.

He’s such a noble gas.

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium?

HeHe...

Im making bad chemistry jokes coz all the good ones argon

My addiction to Helium is out of control, but...

no one is taking my cries for help seriously.

I worked in a helium factory

I resigned after a week, I wasn't going to be spoken to like that

A Proton, a neutron and Helium walk into a bar...

A proton, a neutron and Helium walk into a bar and order three beers.
The bartender appears with three beers in hand and asks the proton, “Are you sure you are above 21?”
The proton replies, “I’m positive.” The bartender then gives the proton his beer.
He then says to neutron while giving ...

What did the chemist say in response to a clever joke about helium?

He He :))

Have you heard about helium prices?

They’re up.

I quit my job at the helium factory

I refused to be spoken to in that tone

Why is helium the most respected element?

People speak very highly of it

We’re trying to come up with a plan to get my escaped helium balloon back. We’ve got some ideas.

But it’s still up in the air.

My jokes are filled with helium.

They never land.

Did you hear the joke about the two helium atoms?

He He

Everyone is telling the Helium joke, but what do you get when you add Helium to Tellurium?

……..TeHe!

What did Michael Jackson say when he found two molecules of helium?

HeHe

I was reading a book about helium

I couldn’t put it down.

My friend recently told me a joke about Helium

He He He

Helium, neon, argon, krypton, xenon and argon walk into a bar.

The bartender shouts at them: "GET OUT!"

They didn't react.

I have a really good joke about helium

But it'll get no reaction like my cake day.

I had enough and finally quit my job at the helium plant today.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

Helium walks into a bar

Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender turns around and says: "We don't serve noble gases."
Helium does not react.

Three Helium molecules walk into a bar

The bartender asks, "what's so funny?"

I'm outraged at the price of helium balloons.

Bloody inflation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the Helium atom feel lonely? No one wanted to bond with it would be a logical answer.

The truth is, it is just an asshole!

I am pretty sure helium hates my jokes

Yeah,he pretty much dosent react to any of them

A childhood classic my dad used to tell me:

Q. Why was a frog flying?
A. Because he ate a helium baloon.

Q. Then why was a snake flying?
A. Because it ate the flying frog.

Q. Then why was the eagle flying?
A. Because it has wings

I have a girlfriend that's addicted to inhaling helium.

If she keeps it up, I'm just going to have to let her go.

Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong...

I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat.

Asked my wife to buy me some lighter gas

She came back with helium

Helium walks into a bar.

Or, rather than walks, floats; for helium, at room temperature, is a gas, and thus has no legs with which to walk, and, due to its lighter-than-air nature, does not sink to the ground. The bartender himself is confused, for not only is helium invisible to the naked eye in the absence of another obje...

Oxygen tried to pick a fight with Helium

Helium didn't react at all, he simply rose above, Carbon was watching the whole thing and said, "That's very noble of you"

Imagine what the first person who inhaled helium thought...

They must have spoke very highly about it.

I met this guy who liked to put helium balloons in his ship

Whatever floats your boat I guess

LPT: If your dentist has no painkillers, ask him for Helium.

It will be hilarious when you scream.

Breaking :A man was arrested yesterday for impersonating a helium balloon.

A spokesperson for the police said.. We held him for a while and then let him go..

If a chemist gets sick and you can't helium or curiam, what do you do?

You barium.

Ha Ha Ha...i just in inhaled a Helium balloon..

He He He

Why do chemists call Helium, Curium, and Barium 'the medical elements'?

Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'barium'!

Why isn't there any helium in North Korea?

Because helium can only be found in a free state.

Carbon and Helium were having a conversation.

Carbon: “ And then I said, Barium!”

Osmium walks into the room.

“What’s so funny guys?”

Carbon whispers to Helium: “Don’t tell him. He’s too dense to get it.”

I once worked in a helium factory

It wasn't a very nice job, because of the leaks, but the owner was very sympathetic and we all spoke highly of her.

You can easily make money by collecting helium and selling it for a dollar per pound.

No weight, that doesn't make any cents...

Helium excimers are no laughing matter...

Even if their formula is HeHe

People often make fun of me for swallowing helium

But I rise above it.

What do you call a helium balloon shaped like Albert Einstein?

A stable genius.... (original)

Three atoms, hydrogen, helium, and oxygen walk into a bar.

They go up to the bartender, Germanium, and start to order their drinks, but soon realise they are short on cash.

Hydrogen says to Germanium, "Hey man, we've had a long week, bonding is hard. If we can make you laugh, can we drink for free tonight?"

Germanium thinks about it for a min...

Oxygen, helium, sulphur, sodium and phosphorus walk in to a bar...

OH SNaP

in another world, there's a guy that was made out of carbon, helium, and fluorine. do you know what he is?

he's a CHeF......

What happened when there was a global helium shortage?

Prices ballooned.

Found out today that the sun is around 26% helium.

That must be why it’s so light.

What do you call it when Argon, Neon, Krypton, Xenon, Radon, and Helium frequently attend church?

Noble Masses.

This is a decent joke but it's relatable at least

Cool quantum physics fact!

When cooled, helium becomes a superfluid! To get to this state, it has to be cooled to a very very cold temperature. About -270 C!



That's almost as cold as my bed every night ;-;

I just got hired at the helium factory

I find the job uplifting.

My friend takes helium recreationally.

He speaks very highly about it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Helium

Helium walks into a bar, where he sees Argon, Krypton, and Neon sitting at a table. They cast dirty looks in his direction. Neon stands up and shouts across the bar, "Get your ass out of here! You don't deserve to be a noble gas, and they won't serve your kind here!"

Helium does not react.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the big ball of hydrogen and helium give Harvey Weinstein a blowjob?

Because he said he would make her a star!

Neon bumped into helium.

There was no reaction.

What do you get if you mix laughing gas and helium?

He He He

I bought my girlfriend a big helium balloon for her birthday

it didn't go down very well.

I used to work in a helium factory...

But I left, because I didn't like the way they spoke to me...

[Read the second part with a helium voice.]

He has risen!

Lighter than air, helium tends to do that.

My cousin only breathed helium when he was born

He has Up Syndrome.

Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gasses here". He doesn't react, because living a society that systematically discriminates against noble gasses has taught him that getting angry will only bring violence upon him. He totally writes an angry tumblr post about it later that evening thou...

Helium is a limited resource and we could run out of it in our lifetime...

Balloon prices are going to go sky high.

Why did the man commit suicide by helium suffocation?

He wanted to go out on a high note.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you combine Helium, Yttrium, Selenium, and Xenon?

**HeYSeXe**

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