A Proton, a neutron and Helium walk into a bar...

A proton, a neutron and Helium walk into a bar and order three beers.
The bartender appears with three beers in hand and asks the proton, “Are you sure you are above 21?”
The proton replies, “I’m positive.” The bartender then gives the proton his beer.
He then says to neutron while giving ...

They say balloons cost more these days because of helium shortages.

I think it's inflation.

How do you treat a sick chemist?

If you can't curium and you can't helium, you might as well barium.

Breaking :A man was arrested yesterday for impersonating a helium balloon.

A spokesperson for the police said.. We held him for a while and then let him go..

I’ve never tried inhaling helium before

But people speak very highly of it

A chemist walks into reddit

He does some research on certain posts and discovers that they are made up of atoms.

After some thought, he concludes that the posts at the top of r/all contain mostly hydrogen atoms, because hydrogen is the lightest element, so these posts naturally rise to the top. He decides to name these ...

What do you call a helium balloon shaped like Albert Einstein?

A stable genius.... (original)

I'm outraged at the price of helium balloons.

Bloody inflation.

Helium walks into a bar. The bartender asks helium what he'll have...

Helium doesn't react

What did the scientist say when he found 2 Isotopes of Helium?

HeHe

I quit my job at the helium gas factory

I refused to be spoken to in that tone of voice

The first double Helium molecule should be named after Michael Jackson

HeHe

in another world, there's a guy that was made out of carbon, helium, and fluorine. do you know what he is?

he's a CHeF......

Helium saved 6 people from a house fire.

He’s such a noble gas.

A helium atom walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases in here."
The helium doesn't react.

I met this guy who liked to put helium balloons in his ship

Whatever floats your boat I guess

I was reading a book on helium.

I couldn’t put it down.

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium?

HeHe...

Im making bad chemistry jokes coz all the good ones argon

Carbon and Helium were having a conversation.

Carbon: “ And then I said, Barium!”

Osmium walks into the room.

“What’s so funny guys?”

Carbon whispers to Helium: “Don’t tell him. He’s too dense to get it.”

Helium excimers are no laughing matter...

Even if their formula is HeHe

Imagine what the first person who inhaled helium thought...

They must have spoke very highly about it.

Three atoms, hydrogen, helium, and oxygen walk into a bar.

They go up to the bartender, Germanium, and start to order their drinks, but soon realise they are short on cash.

Hydrogen says to Germanium, "Hey man, we've had a long week, bonding is hard. If we can make you laugh, can we drink for free tonight?"

Germanium thinks about it for a min...

I got fired from my job at the helium factory...

Because I refuse to be spoken to in that tone. I have always wanted a job in a mirror factory. It's a job I could see myself doing

Found out today that the sun is around 26% helium.

That must be why it’s so light.

People say filling your animals with helium is wrong.

I say whatever floats your goat.

You can easily make money by collecting helium and selling it for a dollar per pound.

No weight, that doesn't make any cents...

Why isn't there any helium in North Korea?

Because helium can only be found in a free state.

Oxygen, helium, sulphur, sodium and phosphorus walk in to a bar...

OH SNaP

Oxygen tried to pick a fight with Helium

Helium didn't react at all, he simply rose above, Carbon was watching the whole thing and said, "That's very noble of you"

I once worked in a helium factory

It wasn't a very nice job, because of the leaks, but the owner was very sympathetic and we all spoke highly of her.

What happened when there was a global helium shortage?

Prices ballooned.

What do you get if you mix laughing gas and helium?

He He He

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the big ball of hydrogen and helium give Harvey Weinstein a blowjob?

Because he said he would make her a star!

People often make fun of me for swallowing helium

But I rise above it.

My cousin only breathed helium when he was born

He has Up Syndrome.

LPT: If your dentist has no painkillers, ask him for Helium.

It will be hilarious when you scream.

My favourite element is helium..

I can't speak highly enough of it.

What did helium say when asked if wanted to date sodiumhypobromite?

He: NaHBrO

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you get when you combine Helium, Yttrium, Selenium, and Xenon?

**HeYSeXe**

What do you call it when Argon, Neon, Krypton, Xenon, Radon, and Helium frequently attend church?

Noble Masses.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Helium

Helium walks into a bar, where he sees Argon, Krypton, and Neon sitting at a table. They cast dirty looks in his direction. Neon stands up and shouts across the bar, "Get your ass out of here! You don't deserve to be a noble gas, and they won't serve your kind here!"

Helium does not react.

Why did the man commit suicide by helium suffocation?

He wanted to go out on a high note.

I used to work in a helium factory...

But I left, because I didn't like the way they spoke to me...

[Read the second part with a helium voice.]

Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gasses here". He doesn't react, because living a society that systematically discriminates against noble gasses has taught him that getting angry will only bring violence upon him. He totally writes an angry tumblr post about it later that evening thou...

My friend takes helium recreationally.

He speaks very highly about it.

What happened to the guy who ingested helium?

He became enlightened.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A chemist discovered a revolutionary new compound of technetium, sulfur, helium, and bismuth.

It got him tons of BiTcHeS.

You should invest in Helium

It's only going to go up!

Helium is a limited resource and we could run out of it in our lifetime...

Balloon prices are going to go sky high.

I bought my girlfriend a big helium balloon for her birthday

it didn't go down very well.

I think I'm going to start taking helium

People are speaking very highly of it.

So some helium walk into a bar.

Or, rather than walks, floats; for helium, at room temperature, is a gas, and thus has no legs with which to walk, and, due to its lighter-than-air nature, does not sink to the ground. The bartender himself is confused, for not only is helium invisible to the naked eye in the absence of another obje...

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