UPJOKE
hydrogennoble gasargonnitrogenmethanechemical elementboiling pointnatural gasinertairshipnuclear fusionneonsunoxygenplasma

Helium saved 6 people from a house fire.

He’s such a noble gas.

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium?

HeHe...

Im making bad chemistry jokes coz all the good ones argon

I've quit my job at the helium gas factory

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone

A Proton, a neutron and Helium walk into a bar...

A proton, a neutron and Helium walk into a bar and order three beers.
The bartender appears with three beers in hand and asks the proton, “Are you sure you are above 21?”
The proton replies, “I’m positive.” The bartender then gives the proton his beer.
He then says to neutron while giving ...

Did you hear about the guy who immediately found a job after quitting from the helium factory?

Their references spoke very highly of them.

Airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control.

But cases continue to rise.

Why are Helium, Curium, and Barium the medical elements?

***Because if you can’t heal-ium or cure-ium, you bury-um.***

My addiction to Helium is out of control, but...

no one is taking my cries for help seriously.

We’re trying to come up with a plan to get my escaped helium balloon back. We’ve got some ideas.

But it’s still up in the air.

What did Michael Jackson say when he found two molecules of helium?

HeHe

I worked in a helium factory

I resigned after a week, I wasn't going to be spoken to like that

Helium, neon, argon, krypton, xenon and argon walk into a bar.

The bartender shouts at them: "GET OUT!"

They didn't react.

Have you heard about the helium shortage?

It's only gotten worse with inflation.

Why is He the symbol for helium?

Because it makes you giggle.^(HeHeHe)

Scientists record the sound of two helium atoms laughing.

HeHe

Why is helium the most respected element?

People speak very highly of it

My jokes are filled with helium.

They never land.

I was reading a book about helium

I couldn’t put it down.

What did the chemist say in response to a clever joke about helium?

He He :))

Everyone is telling the Helium joke, but what do you get when you add Helium to Tellurium?

……..TeHe!

My friend recently told me a joke about Helium

He He He

A science joke

What did the hydrogen atom say to the helium atom:

release my family

Helium walks into a bar

Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender turns around and says: "We don't serve noble gases."
Helium does not react.

Three Helium molecules walk into a bar

The bartender asks, "what's so funny?"

I have a really good joke about helium

But it'll get no reaction like my cake day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Sami temperature scale

(ed: the Sami are an indigineous people living in the northern parts of Scandinavia, also called Lapland)

+10°C: Inhabitants of Helsinki turn off the heat. The Sami plant flowers.

+5°C: If the sun rises over the horizon, it's sunbathing time for the Sami

+2°C: Italian cars won't...

Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong...

I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat.

Oxygen tried to pick a fight with Helium

Helium didn't react at all, he simply rose above, Carbon was watching the whole thing and said, "That's very noble of you"

Did you know that a fungus is responsible for rodents' high pitched noises ?

It's called mice-helium.

I have a girlfriend that's addicted to inhaling helium.

If she keeps it up, I'm just going to have to let her go.

Helium walks into a bar.

Or, rather than walks, floats; for helium, at room temperature, is a gas, and thus has no legs with which to walk, and, due to its lighter-than-air nature, does not sink to the ground. The bartender himself is confused, for not only is helium invisible to the naked eye in the absence of another obje...

LPT: If your dentist has no painkillers, ask him for Helium.

It will be hilarious when you scream.

I'm outraged at the price of helium balloons.

Bloody inflation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the Helium atom feel lonely? No one wanted to bond with it would be a logical answer.

The truth is, it is just an asshole!

I am pretty sure helium hates my jokes

Yeah,he pretty much dosent react to any of them

Why do chemists call Helium, Curium, and Barium 'the medical elements'?

Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'barium'!

Imagine what the first person who inhaled helium thought...

They must have spoke very highly about it.

Why isn't there any helium in North Korea?

Because helium can only be found in a free state.

If a chemist gets sick and you can't helium or curiam, what do you do?

You barium.

You can easily make money by collecting helium and selling it for a dollar per pound.

No weight, that doesn't make any cents...

Ha Ha Ha...i just in inhaled a Helium balloon..

He He He

Oxygen, helium, sulphur, sodium and phosphorus walk in to a bar...

OH SNaP

I met this guy who liked to put helium balloons in his ship

Whatever floats your boat I guess

I just got hired at the helium factory

I find the job uplifting.

Breaking :A man was arrested yesterday for impersonating a helium balloon.

A spokesperson for the police said.. We held him for a while and then let him go..

Helium excimers are no laughing matter...

Even if their formula is HeHe

People often make fun of me for swallowing helium

But I rise above it.

Three atoms, hydrogen, helium, and oxygen walk into a bar.

They go up to the bartender, Germanium, and start to order their drinks, but soon realise they are short on cash.

Hydrogen says to Germanium, "Hey man, we've had a long week, bonding is hard. If we can make you laugh, can we drink for free tonight?"

Germanium thinks about it for a min...

What do you call a helium balloon shaped like Albert Einstein?

A stable genius.... (original)

Found out today that the sun is around 26% helium.

That must be why it’s so light.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Helium

Helium walks into a bar, where he sees Argon, Krypton, and Neon sitting at a table. They cast dirty looks in his direction. Neon stands up and shouts across the bar, "Get your ass out of here! You don't deserve to be a noble gas, and they won't serve your kind here!"

Helium does not react.

in another world, there's a guy that was made out of carbon, helium, and fluorine. do you know what he is?

he's a CHeF......

I bought my girlfriend a big helium balloon for her birthday

it didn't go down very well.

What happened when there was a global helium shortage?

Prices ballooned.

Carbon and Helium were having a conversation.

Carbon: “ And then I said, Barium!”

Osmium walks into the room.

“What’s so funny guys?”

Carbon whispers to Helium: “Don’t tell him. He’s too dense to get it.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the big ball of hydrogen and helium give Harvey Weinstein a blowjob?

Because he said he would make her a star!

Neon bumped into helium.

There was no reaction.

My friend takes helium recreationally.

He speaks very highly about it.

What do you get if you mix laughing gas and helium?

He He He

Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gasses here". He doesn't react, because living a society that systematically discriminates against noble gasses has taught him that getting angry will only bring violence upon him. He totally writes an angry tumblr post about it later that evening thou...

I used to work in a helium factory...

But I left, because I didn't like the way they spoke to me...

[Read the second part with a helium voice.]

Helium is a limited resource and we could run out of it in our lifetime...

Balloon prices are going to go sky high.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you combine Helium, Yttrium, Selenium, and Xenon?

**HeYSeXe**

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