A Proton, a neutron and Helium walk into a bar...

A proton, a neutron and Helium walk into a bar and order three beers.
The bartender appears with three beers in hand and asks the proton, “Are you sure you are above 21?”
The proton replies, “I’m positive.” The bartender then gives the proton his beer.
He then says to neutron while giving ...

Why are neutrons never sent to jail?

Because they're never charged.

A neutron walks into a bar

Takes some shots and asks the bartender for the bill
The bartender replies: For you no charge

Protons, neutrons and electrons

Are the little things that matter.

A proton and a neutron walked into a bar.

‘Oh no’ the proton said, ‘I left my wallet in my house’
‘Are you sure?’ The neutron said.
‘I’m positive’ said the proton.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve decided to scrap my plans to collect neutrons

They have no potential.

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A Neutron Star wanders near a Black Hole...

Neutron Star: Hey, imma just pass by real quick."

Black Hole: \*Laughs\* You dense motherfucker.

So you've all heard about the neutron that walks into a bar, but what about...

A neutrino walks into a Mexican Restaurant. He orders a taco with extra chili sauce. The bartender comes up to his table with a taco and a gigantic bottle of super-hot chili sauce. He opens the taco, starts pouring sauce and asks:

"So how much salsa do you want, amigo?"

The neutrino a...

A neutron was pulled over by a cop

There were no charges

What did the Neutron say to the Proton in the nucleus?

"Thanks for letting me live here free of charge!"

A neutron and a uranium atom walk into a restaurant

A neutron and a uranium atom walk into a restaurant. They sit at a table and order a full meal, having a muted conversation during the meal. The waiter comes over and the neutron asks for separate checks. He brings the split bills like requested.

“I hope you two have a good evening,” he says...

Chemistry joke

Proton and neutron were chilling in the nucleus one day, then proton asks neutron: “Why you only hangout with me in here instead of electron?”

Neutron replies: “He was too negative to begin with.”

Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons

They forgot to mention Morons.

Where do most neutrons live?

In sub-atomic particle divisions.

What will electron say if proton and neutron come to electrons home...

Make yourself atom

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Isaac neutron died a virgin

I guess you could say he wasn’t very attractive

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A Red Dwarf star, a Main Sequence star, and a neutron star are all hanging out and telling stories.

The Red Dwarf decides to share a joke. He says, "What’s a light-year?"

"It's the same as a regular year, but with less calories!" All three burst into laughter.

After a few minutes the neutron star confesses that he didn't get the joke. Both the Main Sequence star and the Red Dwarf tu...

A proton, an electron, & a neutron walk into a bar...

...the proton orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.

the electron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.

the neutron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet.. the bartender stops him and says, "wait....

Did protium have any neutrons?

Well, n^0

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Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like partic...

Why don’t neutrons cost anything?

They’re always given free of charge.

I like my men like I like my neutron stars

Hot, dense, and degenerate.

What do creationists and neutron stars have in common?

Density

The heaviest things in the universe

3 - Neutron stars

2 - Black holes

1 - The collective weight of the people who thought this was a yo momma joke

Jimmy Neutron (Split Personalities)

Jimmy Electron, Jimmy Proton and Carl Weiner

A small collection of my favorite science jokes

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”

“For you, sir, no charge!”

 

What's 2 times 2?

Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”

Mathematician: “After some consideration ...

An edited version of a joke that’s been already posted.

A proton, a neutron, and an electron got into a bar fight.

The bartender called the police, but when the officers arrived, they only arrested the proton. Confused, the bartender asked, “why did you only arrest the proton?”

To which one of the officers replied, “well you see, the elect...

Why isn't there a neutron mod in the Skyrim Steam Workshop?

Because there'd be no charge.

Today a friend of mine died of radiation

Guess he couldn’t handle the neutron style

2 scientists were at a science sale

The first one was selling protons and electrons for .10 cents each. The second one was just handing out neutrons to anyone. When I asked the second one why he wouldn't accept any money for the neutrons he repllied: *they're free of charge*.

Two Atoms

Two atoms are walking down the sidewalk. One says, "I think I lost a neutron!" and the other says, "Don't worry! You can get another one free of charge!".

At one point in time...

we thought atoms represented the smallest unit of matter. Although initially thought to be indivisible, this was proven false and each atom is made up of proton, neutrons, and electrons inside.

For a time these were the smallest units, then we found that these protons and neutrons were made u...

What is satan's favourite chemical?

Carbon. because it has 6 protons 6 neutrons and 6 electrons

A proton, electron and a neuton get into a bar fight.

The bartender calls cops and they show up to arrest everyone. The cops cuff the proton and electron but they let the neutron go because nobody could press charges.

Science/nre joke

What particles in a reactor are the happiest?



Delayed neutrons.

A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company

A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company. As energetic as they come, they start off with a bang. With a handful of eager young protons joining their ranks, they begin to see extremely positive gains in their investments in no time. They're making more money than they know what to d...

A guy wants to build a nuke. He goes to a supplier and asks...

"How much are the protons?"

"A dime a dozen, and the neutrons are free of charge."

what kind of cookies do atoms eat?

Fig neutrons

Gentlemen...BEHOLD! Puns.

What do you call a cool mushroom?...A fun guy!!!

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

A guy walks into a restaurant, and takes a seat. Acr...

Special shop sale:

electrons: 10 cents

protons: 10 cents

neutrons: free of charge

Science jokes!

A proton walks into a bar. Strolls up to the bartender and says "I don't care what you serve me, but I want the most expensive drink you offer."

The bartender looks at him quizzically. "You sure about that, buddy?"

**"I'm positive."**

A cute little neutron walks in right after ...

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."


So, a neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the ...

Ten Science Jokes for Nerds

* I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

* I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

* Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.

* Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And ...

If Donald Trump was asked "If oxygen was discovered in 1783, how could human breathe before", this would probably be his answer.

I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me, and they ask me. They say, 'How do people breathe before the discovery of oxygen'? And I tell them, look, we know what oxygen is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of chemistry you c...

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