A proton, a neutron and Helium walk into a bar and order three beers. The bartender appears with three beers in hand and asks the proton, “Are you sure you are above 21?” The proton replies, “I’m positive.” The bartender then gives the proton his beer. He then says to neutron while giving ...
Why are neutrons never sent to jail?
Because they're never charged.
Protons, neutrons and electrons
Are the little things that matter.
What's denser than a neutron star?
A Flat Earther
So you've all heard about the neutron that walks into a bar, but what about...
A neutrino walks into a Mexican Restaurant. He orders a taco with extra chili sauce. The bartender comes up to his table with a taco and a gigantic bottle of super-hot chili sauce. He opens the taco, starts pouring sauce and asks:
"So how much salsa do you want, amigo?"
The neutrino a...
A neutron and a uranium atom walk into a restaurant
A neutron and a uranium atom walk into a restaurant. They sit at a table and order a full meal, having a muted conversation during the meal. The waiter comes over and the neutron asks for separate checks. He brings the split bills like requested.
“I hope you two have a good evening,” he says...
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink.
The bartender replies, “for you, no charge!”
A proton and a neutron walked into a bar.
‘Oh no’ the proton said, ‘I left my wallet in my house’ ‘Are you sure?’ The neutron said. ‘I’m positive’ said the proton.
A neutron was pulled over by a cop
There were no charges
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons.
They forgot to mention morons.
Where do most neutrons live?
In sub-atomic particle divisions.
What did the Neutron say to the Proton in the nucleus?
"Thanks for letting me live here free of charge!"
What will electron say if proton and neutron come to electrons home...
Make yourself atom
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Isaac neutron died a virgin
I guess you could say he wasn’t very attractive
Did protium have any neutrons?
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A Red Dwarf star, a Main Sequence star, and a neutron star are all hanging out and telling stories.
The Red Dwarf decides to share a joke. He says, "What’s a light-year?"
"It's the same as a regular year, but with less calories!" All three burst into laughter.
After a few minutes the neutron star confesses that he didn't get the joke. Both the Main Sequence star and the Red Dwarf tu...
Why don’t neutrons cost anything?
They’re always given free of charge.
Why Can’t You Find 18 Protons and 22 Neutrons?
Because they argon.
Jimmy Neutron (Split Personalities)
Jimmy Electron, Jimmy Proton and Carl Weiner
A proton, an electron, & a neutron walk into a bar...
...the proton orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.
the electron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.
the neutron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet.. the bartender stops him and says, "wait....
What do creationists and neutron stars have in common?
I like my men like I like my neutron stars
Hot, dense, and degenerate.
The heaviest things in the universe
3 - Neutron stars
2 - Black holes
1 - The collective weight of the people who thought this was a yo momma joke
Today a friend of mine died of radiation
Guess he couldn’t handle the neutron style
An edited version of a joke that’s been already posted.
A proton, a neutron, and an electron got into a bar fight.
The bartender called the police, but when the officers arrived, they only arrested the proton. Confused, the bartender asked, “why did you only arrest the proton?”
To which one of the officers replied, “well you see, the elect...
Why isn't there a neutron mod in the Skyrim Steam Workshop?
Because there'd be no charge.
2 scientists were at a science sale
The first one was selling protons and electrons for .10 cents each. The second one was just handing out neutrons to anyone. When I asked the second one why he wouldn't accept any money for the neutrons he repllied: *they're free of charge*.
A small collection of my favorite science jokes
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”
“For you, sir, no charge!”
What's 2 times 2?
Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”
Mathematician: “After some consideration ...
I've always identified with Professor Calamitous from Jimmy Neutron...
But I never bothered to figure out why.
Two atoms are walking down the sidewalk. One says, "I think I lost a neutron!" and the other says, "Don't worry! You can get another one free of charge!".
At one point in time...
we thought atoms represented the smallest unit of matter. Although initially thought to be indivisible, this was proven false and each atom is made up of proton, neutrons, and electrons inside.
For a time these were the smallest units, then we found that these protons and neutrons were made u...
What is satan's favourite chemical?
Carbon. because it has 6 protons 6 neutrons and 6 electrons
A proton, electron and a neuton get into a bar fight.
The bartender calls cops and they show up to arrest everyone. The cops cuff the proton and electron but they let the neutron go because nobody could press charges.
A guy wants to build a nuke. He goes to a supplier and asks...
"How much are the protons?"
"A dime a dozen, and the neutrons are free of charge."
A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company
A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company. As energetic as they come, they start off with a bang. With a handful of eager young protons joining their ranks, they begin to see extremely positive gains in their investments in no time. They're making more money than they know what to d...
What particles in a reactor are the happiest?
Special shop sale:
electrons: 10 cents
protons: 10 cents
neutrons: free of charge
A, An, The walk into a discotheque
It was 7 o clock and 3 guys: *A, An, The* went for a walk. They thought to themselves that they always work for other words. That was boring. They wanted some fun at work. Their friendship was really strong and that sparked an idea - why don't we just start a business? Sure compatibility was no issu...
A proton walks into a bar. Strolls up to the bartender and says "I don't care what you serve me, but I want the most expensive drink you offer."
The bartender looks at him quizzically. "You sure about that, buddy?"
A cute little neutron walks in right after ...
If Donald Trump was asked "If oxygen was discovered in 1783, how could human breathe before", this would probably be his answer.
I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me, and they ask me. They say, 'How do people breathe before the discovery of oxygen'? And I tell them, look, we know what oxygen is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of chemistry you c...
Ten Science Jokes for Nerds
* I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
* I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
* Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.
* Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And ...
What do you call a cool mushroom?...A fun guy!!!
A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"
A guy walks into a restaurant, and takes a seat. Acr...
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
So, a neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the ...