UPJOKE
moleculeprotonisotopeelectronneutronchemical elementatomic nucleushydrogenparticlenucleusquarkelectric chargedeuteriumatomic numberion

what kind of fish is made up of 2 atoms only?

2Na

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by Batman.

NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNa NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNa BATMAN!

A few moments after the big bang a cloud full of Hydrogen atoms fall into a blackhole and die.

A few moments after the big bang a cloud full of Hydrogen atoms fall into a blackhole and die. The arrive at the border between multiverses and meet Saint Platinum-Erbium

St PtEr says to them "Welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through, but before I may do that, I must ask each...

Two atoms were walking down the street.

One of them said, "I lost an electron." The other one said, "Are you sure?" and the first one said, "I'm positive!"

Liars are just like atoms

They make everything up

Scientists record the sound of two helium atoms laughing.

HeHe

Why are atoms selfish?

Because they're all that matter!


...Courtesy of my witty wife after my 11 year old asked the "Why should you never trust atoms? - because they make up everything" joke.

I thought surely the joke already existed, but I couldn't find it anywhere. Doesn't entirely work, but it got a l...

Atoms can't actually touch. We're all made of atoms and all mater is atoms which can neither be created or destroyed.

so to answer your question, no officer I did not punch that child

I was putting atoms together for chemistry. Until I put magnesium and oxygen together.

OMg

What do you call a scientist who splits atoms to create bubbly beverages?

A nuclear fizzicist.

Two hydrogen atoms decide that they want to ride on the Large Hadron Collider.

They jump on a plane to Switzerland and sneak in while no one is looking. As they start to speed up one of them realises that they have both lost their electrons. It mentions it to his friend who asks "Are you sure?"

It replys "I'm positive."

Did you know that atoms never touch each other. And since we’re made of atoms, we’ve never touched anything in our entire lives.

So to answer your question officer, no I did not punch that kid.

Cake day joke! What do Trump and Atoms have in common?

They make up everything!

Scientist: We've discovered a clump of atoms that has no sense of humor.

Me : You've got to br kidding.
Scientist : This is no laughing matter.

In an alternate universe, where objects down to the molecular level are sentient...

One day, a cell meets up with another cell. They chat for a bit.

Their chat then comes to a brief halt as another cell chimes in, saying "did you hear what the atoms had to say?"

The cell then says "No, they pretty much make up everything"

What do atoms and black lives have in common?

They matter

How do hydrogen atoms find a new leader?

They hold an *electron*.

What’s an atoms favorite video game?

Half-life

What do we call a group of 12 atoms?

Dozen matter.

You'd think that atoms bonding would mean they're being friendly to each other, but instead they steal each others electrons.

Isn’t that Ionic?

How do atoms decide which one should be put in charge?

By having general electrons.

What do you call a group of 500 atoms?

A Refund.

*This post is brought to you by "Todd Howard did Nothing Wrong" gang*

Copper and chromium must be pretty great atoms...

If they have such an exceptional ground state

What are 2 Protoactinium atoms together called?

PaPa

Two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen atom had a threesome...

Made me so wet.

What do you call a ring of iron atoms?

A ferrous wheel.

Three atoms, hydrogen, helium, and oxygen walk into a bar.

They go up to the bartender, Germanium, and start to order their drinks, but soon realise they are short on cash.

Hydrogen says to Germanium, "Hey man, we've had a long week, bonding is hard. If we can make you laugh, can we drink for free tonight?"

Germanium thinks about it for a min...

Why isn't energy made of atoms?

It doesn't matter

(go ahead and down vote :P)

What did American physicists say to the US government after German scientists discovered how to split atoms?

Don’t worry, theres other fission, DC.

Why should you distrust atoms?

Because they make up an awful lot of stuff.

“Two things can not touch, since there will always be something in between the atoms”

Good luck explaining that in court

I've invented a new chemical compound consisting of sixteen Sodium atoms

I've named it "Batman."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Atoms are catholic.

They have mass.

what do you call 6.02 X 10^23 atoms of avocado dipping sauce?

one guacamole

Two atoms bump into each other, and become stuck.

"Oh, no," said the first atom. "We're going to be stuck like this forever!"

"It'll be okay. Try not to be so negative! Think positive for a second."

The first atom thought real hard, and the two flew apart.

How do atoms find a partner to bond with?

Through carbon dating

What do you get when you mix an atom of cobalt, an atom of vanadium, and two atoms of iron?

covfefe

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