UPJOKE
moleculeprotonisotopeelectronneutronchemical elementhydrogenparticlenucleusquarkelectric chargedeuteriumatomic numberionplasma

12 atoms of sodium walk into a bar.

Followed by Batman.

what kind of fish is made up of 2 atoms only?

2Na

Why Don't Scientists Trust Atoms?

Because they make up everything.

Two atoms bump into each other.

2 atoms bump into each other. One says, "I think I lost an electron" The other asks,"Are you sure?"
To which the first replies, "I am positive"

Atoms

Did you know, atoms never touch eachother. Since we're made from atoms, we've never touched anything in our entire lives.

So to answer your question, officer, no I didn't punch that kid

A few moments after the big bang a cloud full of Hydrogen atoms fall into a blackhole and die.

A few moments after the big bang a cloud full of Hydrogen atoms fall into a blackhole and die. The arrive at the border between multiverses and meet Saint Platinum-Erbium

St PtEr says to them "Welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through, but before I may do that, I must ask each...

Scientists record the sound of two helium atoms laughing.

HeHe

Why are atoms selfish?

Because they're all that matter!


...Courtesy of my witty wife after my 11 year old asked the "Why should you never trust atoms? - because they make up everything" joke.

I thought surely the joke already existed, but I couldn't find it anywhere. Doesn't entirely work, but it got a l...

I was putting atoms together for chemistry. Until I put magnesium and oxygen together.

OMg

What do you call a scientist who splits atoms to create bubbly beverages?

A nuclear fizzicist.

Two hydrogen atoms decide that they want to ride on the Large Hadron Collider.

They jump on a plane to Switzerland and sneak in while no one is looking. As they start to speed up one of them realises that they have both lost their electrons. It mentions it to his friend who asks "Are you sure?"

It replys "I'm positive."

Cake day joke! What do Trump and Atoms have in common?

They make up everything!

Scientist: We've discovered a clump of atoms that has no sense of humor.

Me : You've got to br kidding.
Scientist : This is no laughing matter.

What do we call a group of 12 atoms?

Dozen matter.

What’s an atoms favorite video game?

Half-life

What do atoms and black lives have in common?

They matter

You'd think that atoms bonding would mean they're being friendly to each other, but instead they steal each others electrons.

Isn’t that Ionic?

What do you call a group of 500 atoms?

A Refund.

*This post is brought to you by "Todd Howard did Nothing Wrong" gang*

How do hydrogen atoms find a new leader?

They hold an *electron*.

What do you call a ring of iron atoms?

A ferrous wheel.

How do atoms decide which one should be put in charge?

By having general electrons.

Why isn't energy made of atoms?

It doesn't matter

(go ahead and down vote :P)

Two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen atom had a threesome...

Made me so wet.

Three atoms, hydrogen, helium, and oxygen walk into a bar.

They go up to the bartender, Germanium, and start to order their drinks, but soon realise they are short on cash.

Hydrogen says to Germanium, "Hey man, we've had a long week, bonding is hard. If we can make you laugh, can we drink for free tonight?"

Germanium thinks about it for a min...

Did you hear Oasis's new song about the attraction and repulsion of atoms?

"And after all, you're my Van der Waals"

Copper and chromium must be pretty great atoms...

If they have such an exceptional ground state

What are 2 Protoactinium atoms together called?

PaPa

Why should you distrust atoms?

Because they make up an awful lot of stuff.

what do you call 6.02 X 10^23 atoms of avocado dipping sauce?

one guacamole

What did American physicists say to the US government after German scientists discovered how to split atoms?

Don’t worry, theres other fission, DC.

Two atoms bump into each other, and become stuck.

"Oh, no," said the first atom. "We're going to be stuck like this forever!"

"It'll be okay. Try not to be so negative! Think positive for a second."

The first atom thought real hard, and the two flew apart.

“Two things can not touch, since there will always be something in between the atoms”

Good luck explaining that in court

I've invented a new chemical compound consisting of sixteen Sodium atoms

I've named it "Batman."

What do you get when you mix an atom of cobalt, an atom of vanadium, and two atoms of iron?

covfefe

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