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I asked my wife to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Babes, **Jabba the Hutt** is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck you asshole" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

If you’re dating someone who doesn’t enjoy Star Wars puns...

Then you’re looking in Alderaan places

Why did they release Star Wars episodes 4, 5 & 6 before episodes 1, 2 & 3?

In charge of the schedule Yoda was.

Scientists were baffled when hundreds of stars were suddenly extinguished.

Nobody saw the meteor that slammed into Hollywood.

My son, while gazing up at the sky, asked me how stars die

"Usually an overdose", I said

I'm in bed, looking up at the stars and think to myself...

"Where the hell did my ceiling go?"

Did you hear that Disney+ is making a crossover between Star Wars and Back to the Future where the time machine is half car and half person?

It’s called the Man-DeLorean.

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What's a porn stars favorite drink?

7-up in cider.

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Which US President was most popular among Spanish porn stars?

L.B.J.

I got into a huge fight with my husband, who was a star war fanatic.

"May divorce be with you. " he said.

My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as inspiration when naming my kids.

However, his sister Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.

Some people really like Orion's Belt

But I think it's just a big waist of space.

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My next door neighbors are porn stars.

They just don't know it yet.

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My sex life is just like my favourite Star Wars character.

Hand Solo

Knock knock...

Who’s there?

Hike.

Hike who?


Warm midnight falling.
Stars shining, dancing brightly.
Peaceful all at once

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My girlfriend is a star on pornhub.

And she'll kill me if she finds out.

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Last night in bed, as I gazed up at the stars, I thought to myself...

Where the fuck is my roof?

What does your Canadian friend cooking dinner for you have in common with the Empire from Star Wars?

Pal-poutine

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.
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Sorry, I'll get my coat.

Are you a star?

Cause looking at you is burning my retinas

If I were a Star Wars droid....

I would be called 80-HD

There's a movie called The Rock that doesn't star The Rock, but rather Nicolas Cage.

If The Rock ever stars in a movie called Cage I fear this will only grow more confusing.

A girl wants movie stars faces tattooed on her thighs

So she goes to a tattoo parlor and spends hours having Christain Bale’ face tattooed on her left inner thigh and Leonardo DiCaprio’s face tattooed on her right inner thigh.

When it’s finished, she is extremely disappointed with the results, saying neither face is an accurate depiction of who...

What are Star Wars clone troopers muscles built of?

Kamino acids.

Star Trek characters make the worst sports fans...

They always root for the away team

My neighbors listen to Smash Mouth's All Star a lot.

Whether they like it or not.

My 6 year old son told me he wants to be tied very tightly to stars when he grows up

I asked why??


He said wants to be an Astronaut.

A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant. When their food arrived, the husband said: “Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!” His wife reminded him: “Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!”

A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant. When their food arrived, the husband said: “Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!”

His wife reminded him: “Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!”

Her husband replied: “That’s at home, my dear. Here the chef know...

Did you hear about that new threesome adult film starring a physicist?

It's called, "The Double-slit Experiment".

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What’s the most popular Star Wars action figure in Japan?

Toy-Yoda.

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An eighty-five year old couple, married for almost sixty years, died in a car crash and went to the Pearly Gates.

They had been in good health for the last ten years, mainly as a result of the wife's interest in healthy diets and exercise.

St. Peter welcomed them into Heaven and took them to their small palace in heaven- complete with a large bedroom, Jacuzzi, full kitchen, and billiards table. "How much...

When basketball stars die they don't pass away

...they cross over

RIP Mamba :(

I was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm.

She asked how warm? I said lukewarm

Did you hear they finally revealed Yoda's surname on that new Star Wars show??

I can't believe it's Layheehoo

I try to get as many stars in Grand Theft Auto as possible.

That way for once i will feel wanted.

Friend: "I created the brightest star in the night sky."

Me: "You can't possibly B Sirius."

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A QUEEN and a famous porn star died on the same day

when they fronted up to St Peter he told them there was only one space left for that day, and they’d have to argue their respective cases.The horizontal humper ripped off her top and said, “These are the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I’m sure it will please him greatly to be able to gaz...

My wife said I talk about Star Wars too much, and wants to end out relationship.

“May divorce be with you” I replied.

Would you recommend the novelization of Star Trek II?

I heard there was prose and Khans.

My dad's star sign was cancer which is ironic considering how he died

He was attacked by a giant crab

Gary Oldman has had to drastically change his appearance to star in a biopic about one Britain's electronic music pioneers.

Guess he's going to be a Gary Numan.

A star enters a black hole

The black hole turns around and says:

Sir, I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation.

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Your mom was going to be in Star Wars

She wanted to play Jabba the Hut but they told her she's too fucking ugly

I visited a load of French towns doing impressions of Star Trek characters.

Dunkirk?

Yea, did all of them.

So my doctor told me to pick a star sign, any star sign

So I said Gemini

And he said *showing me his clipboard* well this says cancer

What do you call Rats that live on a star?

Palindrome.

Before becoming Pop stars, the Bee Gees used to be professional chefs.

You could tell by the way they used their wok.

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As a Fortune 500 company CEO, I never thought I'd hire a former porn star.

But this girl has a lot of spunk in her.

Star Trek: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Captain Kirk: "To boldly go where no chicken had gone before!"
Spock: "At the time, it seemed the logical thing to do."
McCoy: "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a barnyard psychologist!"
Scotty: "Because it couldna change the laws o' physics!"
Computer: "Insufficient data."

D...

WARNING: STAR WARS SPOILERS

Voosh voosh pew pew pew voosh voosh pew pew voosh force choke voosh pew pew pew

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. In the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce."

Watson: "I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."

Holmes: "Watson, you idiot, somebody's stolen our tent!"

They told me to shoot for the stars.

But the neighbors called in a noise complaint.

Fozzy Bear was in Star Wars

He was an Ewokka-wokka

I saw a 1 star review for Mars on Yelp

They said it lacked atmosphere.

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Yes i masturbate fully naked

if you dont like it, go to another starbucks

Ever wonder why Star Wars has so many plot holes?

It's because the stormtroopers keep missing

What do you call someone who tells you that you must see the new Star Wars series?

A Mandatorian

If Google maps asks me to rate the Sun

It is not going to get more than "1-star"

Ricardo Montalban struggled to find acting roles after "Star Trek 2."

Nobody wanted to hire an ex-Khan.

My son's Star Wars joke.

What do you give to a stinky Jedi?

De-Yoda-rant

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

It's ironic that Parasite won.

Because there was no host for the Oscars.

Huh? Huh?
I'll show myself out.

Thank you for the silver star!. My first!

Droids claim they were molested by George Lucas during filming for Star Wars...

#R2MeToo

How do you call a Star Wars movie about Luke’s journey to solving his erectile problems?

The Rise of Skywalker.

So my friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favourite Star Wars character

You should've seen the Luke on her face.

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Why was the porn star’s funeral so disappointing?

Nobody came

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What's the similarity between a bad boxer and a porn star?

They both take a pounding in the ring.

The way Star Wars should've ended. SPOILER

Old Lady- "What's your name?

"Rey"

"What's your surname?"


.....Long dramatic pause......


"Binks."

Fade to Black

What do all Star Trek captains have in common?

They all have three ears.


A left ear.

A right ear.

And a final frontier.

What did the Star Wars fan say to his parents after he learned that they were getting separated?

May divorce be with you

A young Irish girl goes to confession...

...and says, “Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

The priest replies, “Go ahead, my child.”

“Well”, she says, “Last night I made love to me boyfriend... FIVE TIMES! And it was GLORIOUS, Father. He made me tingle all over, and I swear it was as though I was seein’ the stars in my pass...

Why is Patrick Star Arabic?

Because he lives under Iraq.

What happened to the arrogant red-shirt who demanded his Star Fleet Captain beam him up?

He was hoisted by his own Piccard.

Can a ninja kill someone with a throwing star?

Shuriken.

Who's the Death Star's greatest country singer?

Darth Brooks.

How do you know your phone has a full battery in the Star Wars universe?

Chargar Blinks

Summer in my city makes me feel like a super rock star

Everyday I have this fan blowing my balls

What's the difference between Star Wars fans and Star Wars haters?

the fans enjoyed 2 of the movies

What does Karl Marx, a bus driver and a sous chef at a 5-star restaurant have in common?

Everything, if Marx had his way.

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If I had to choose my favourite type of star, it has to be a white dwarf.

Peter Dinklage is by far #1 in that list.

In 1964, a couple of former St. Louis Cardinals baseball stars were on vacation in Wales....

Red Schoendienst and Stan Musial decided to head to the UK on vacation with their wives after the 1964 Major League Baseball season. The two had retired as players the year before and had just finished their first full season as members of the staff - Musial as vice president, Schoendienst as a coa...

A Star Trek fan meets William Shatner.

"Wow. I can't believe I'm meeting you at Comic Corn."

"Actually, it's called Comic Con"

"Com?"

"Con."

"Cold?"

"Com!

"Cookie?"

"CONNNNNNNN!"

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My girlfriend's a porn star

And she's going to be really pissed when she finds out

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My mom and dad are stars on pornhub.

Can't wait to see their faces when they find out.

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My girlfriend always takes really long showers after watching movies starring chris pratt

I dont know what shes doing in there but it gives me plenty of time to jerk off to chris pratt

Can you tell me another name for a ninja star?

Sure I can.

What’s the best rated flag?

The US, it has fifty stars!

Google sky asked me to rate our solar system.

You can only give it one star.

I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention as a doctor...

The security guard suspected I was not the real McCoy.

3 women board a plane for the 1st time an Asian a Caucasian and a african american.

3 women board a plane for the 1st time an Asian a Caucasian and a african american.
The Asian annouces "im scared but i wore fluro underwear so if we crash they can see me" the Caucasian says "i wore my stars and stripes bikini as underwear so i can be noticed and picked up 1st". The African Ame...

Why can’t stars in action movies have children?

Because they only shoot blanks.

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Went to a pet shop today to buy a fish

The lady said do you want a aquarium why the fuck do I need to know it’s star sign

What’s a stoners favorite Star Wars movie?

The Hempire Strikes Back

Do you know what it's called when you see the sun, the moon and the stars all at the same time?

Really good acid

Have you heard about the social media stars who are coughing and sick?

They're Instagram Influenzas

Everyone was curious why the Michelin Star chef named his pioneered cuisine "Span"

"Cuz nobody expects it when the Span is in cuisine, son"

What do you call a Mexican beetle

Gringo Star

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If you're a porn star, always be a dickhead.

That's a pro tip.

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What do you call a blind male porn star?

I'd have thought the answer would be obvious.




Stiffy Wonder.

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