Someone has spray painted a swastika on Donald Trump's star on The Hollywood Walk of Fame.

The police are still trying to figure out if it was a supporter or an opponent.

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[Nsfw] My wife FINALLY agreed to a Star Wars role play in the bedroom...

...The only catch was I had to be Obi Wan, because she always had a thing for Ewan McGregor.

"Of course!" I said, and got to work putting together the sexiest Obi Wan costume I could. I even managed to find Glow in the Dark condoms so I could impress her with my "lightsaber".

The nigh...

My son, who's into astronomy, asked me how stars die.

"Usually an overdose, son." I told him.

(from my 9 year old) What is the scariest planet in Star Wars?

Na-BOO!

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I can never tell if an old porn star is retired...(NSFW)

Or if they just quit their fucking job.

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Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking...

Where the fuck is my roof?

Who's the fruitiest character in Star Wars?

The Mangolorian.

(Made up for an eight year old)

My wife screamed at me, "You're obsessed with those Star Wars movies. I'm leaving you."

"May divorce be with you!!" I replied.

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A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they found a cave with the symbols of a woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish and a Star of David on the wall.

Pointing to the first drawing, the head of the team declared: 'This indicates that these people were family oriented and held women in high position. The donkey shows that they were intelligent enough to use animals to till the soil. The shovel means that they were able to forge tools. Even further ...

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I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out.

But she pulled some strings and got me in..

Obi Wan: “Yoda, why did the Star Wars movies come out 4,5,6,1,2,3

Yoda: “In charge of scheduling I was”

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her cat in her arms.

"Hey, lady", yells Larry, "Throw me the cat!"
"No," she cries, "It's too far!"
"I play football. I can catch him!"

The smoke is pouring from the windows. The woman kisses her cat goodbye and tosses it down to the street.
Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward...

Who's the only soldier who doesn't have to give a salute to a 4-star general as he passes, and can give an order to that general and be absolutely certain that it will be carried out immediately?

A bomb tech specialist at a dead run.

Why are stars and galaxies spread throughout the universe?

Kosmosis.

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My girlfriend is a porn star. –

She will kill me if she finds out.

Here's an old one. Who curses the most in Star Wars?

R2-D2, everything he says is bleeped out.

What did the windmill say to the pop star?

“I’m a huge fan”

So I'm reading a book about a movie star that was born a woman but then comes out as identifying as male, but no one gets upset or judgemental about it, they just accept it and get on with their lives. It's a good book...

It's a real page turner

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During the late thirties the Nazi party hosted a friendly soccer game versus England. The Nazi's star goalkeeper was Hans Bratvender.

Late in the game Hans, overcome with Nationalist pride, turned to face the Chancellor's private box, stood to attention and gave a Nazi salute.

At that moment, the English forward kicked from outside the goal crease, and scored what would be the winning goal.

When asked later to explai...

What's the brightest star in the night sky?

Sirius replies only.

Why are movie stars so cool?

They have a lot of fans.

How do two stars communicate?

They make light conversation...

I’ll see myself out...er space.

(If it’s been done before, sorry; I literally just thought of it, lol.)

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Did you hear about the porn star who wanted to do a scene with all five members of Aerosmith?

They gave it a try, but they could only get Foreigner

What did the ninja say when asked if he can kill a man with ninja stars?

Shuriken

I'm in bed, looking up at the stars and think to myself...

"Where the hell did my ceiling go?"

There should be an urban fishing show that stars released convicts,

and it should be called "Off the Hook".

Who played Anakin Skywalker in the Star Wars prequels?

Emperor Palpatine

Why didn't the star laugh at the joke?

It was pretty Sirius

Apparently there’s a battle for the rights to Star Wars aftershave.

It’s “The Cologne Wars.”

Please enjoy my best ever Star Wars themed joke...

Irving was proud of his daughter Faith. She was the prettiest, smartest, most charming girl in all the Empire. And when Faith was asked to attend the Winter Gala by Conan Antonio, Irving was justifiably pleased, for Conan was a well-decorated and many-times-promoted military man of great respect....

What's denser than a neutron star?

A Flat Earther

A mom takes her daughter to the doctor

The doctor says, “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”


The mother says, “It’s my daughter Suzie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.”


The doctor gives Suzie a good examination, and then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’...

From the Newsdesk: Television Star turned Politician loses bid for reelection amidst corruption allegations...

Our request for a comment from Sideshow Bob's campaign staff was declined

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How does a porn star call in sick?

"Sorry, I can't come tonight."

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I asked my wife to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Babes, **Jabba the Hutt** is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck you asshole" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

I'm a bipolar Star Trek fan.

I just went to the hospital to have my dilithium level checked.

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Why do religious people and porn stars kneel ?

Porn stars wait for the first cumming and religious people wait for the second cumming

Now i know why the Star Wars movies were released as 4, 5, 6, 1, 2 and 3 in that order

"Because to be in charge of the planification, i was tasked" Yoda once told me

If you’re dating someone who doesn’t enjoy Star Wars puns...

Then you’re looking in Alderaan places

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What kind of rice do Japanese porn stars eat?

Live jasmine.

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The porn stars wife (oc I think)

Why did the pornstars wife never get upset when he threatened to leave her?

Because she knew he would come on back.

Why haven’t aliens visited our solar system yet?

They checked the reviews.. only 1 star

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NSFW. How do tell the difference between a porn star and a statistician?

Get them to pronounce "analyzed".

OC. This is my take on the joke about how the chemist and the plumber pronounce "unionized"

Why is vodka so hard to obtain in the Star Wars universe?

Because only Siths deal in Absolut.

Yesterday I went to bed and looked at the stars.

As I laid in my bed and looked at the sky, I thought to myself, "Where the hell did my ceiling go?"

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A drunk man is at a bar and says that he can fart the Star Spangled Banner... (Nsfw)

The bartender says "go ahead!"

The man stands on the bar completely naked and proceeds to shit all over the bar.

The bartender says "What the hell did you do that for?"

The drunk then says "C'mon! Even Frank Sinatra has to clear his throat before a performance!"

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A man takes a pleasant stroll on a Friday evening... suddenly, the Devil himself pops up in front of him

and whispers zombifyingly, "Take all the money in your purse, go to this casino, and put them on the number 27!"

The man is first shocked, then becomes curious, and quickly yields, goes to the casino, puts all the money on 27 and wins!

Excited he exists the casino and meets the Devil...

My son, while gazing up at the sky, asked me how stars die

"Usually an overdose", I said

Why is Texas called the Lone Star State?

Because that's the highest rating it could get

Orion’s Belt is a waist of space

Terrible joke... 3 stars

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What is a porn stars favourite drink?

7-up in cider

If you’re ever ever hiking in the woods and get lost, just look up and find the brightest star in the sky.

The you’ll know which way space is.

Star Wars is about the eternal conflict between two opposing forces. One headhunts children across the galaxy, puts them into a religious cult, indoctrinates them, even forbids them from having a relationship, then sends them off to die in the nearest war.

The other is the Sith.

My friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favourite Star Wars character.

You should have seen the Luke on her face.

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I have the body of a porn star,

all of my clothes says XXX.

Jesus and Michelin Star chefs have one thing in common

They can both feed 5,000 people with 2 loaves of bread and 5 fish

The original actor who played Captain Kirk tried to start a Star Trek themed line of women’s lingerie.

But no one would invest in Shatner Panties.

(An oldie, but deserved a fresh posting)

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Today I asked a porn star what would she do if she got fired?

She said she just wouldn't give a fuck.

What Star Wars character would be best at limbo?

Han So Low

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Ladies. If your man is giving you both the moon and stars

You should be willing to sacrifice uranus

Would you rather eat a chicken leg or a shooting star?

You'd probably say the chicken, but I'd pick the star... it's a little meteor.

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How many porn stars does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, but they have to be very small

John runs a booming 5-star hotel business in his town.

One day, a bald headed guy comes to his hotel and asks for Room 690 specifically.

"But sir, that room is already occupied. We could give you another room."

"I'll pay you ten times more. I need that room."

John, obviously lured by the money, gives him the room. But the bald head...

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My friend told me I’m dating a porn star. I said “no way”... He replied...

“Look at her, it’s all over her face”

Latest results from the Star Wars Cup.

OB - 1, R2D - 2

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I just read this strange new book about a dark blue star exploding out of a sailor's belly button

It's a novel naval navel navy nova novel

Scientists were baffled when hundreds of stars were suddenly extinguished.

Nobody saw the meteor that slammed into Hollywood.

Did you hear that Disney+ is making a crossover between Star Wars and Back to the Future where the time machine is half car and half person?

It’s called the Man-DeLorean.

My neighbors listen to Smash Mouth's All Star a lot.

Whether they like it or not.

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What is a porn star’s favorite pokemon?

Squirtle.

Times were tough at the Daily Planet and Perry White was forced to fire a star reporter. Either Lois Lane or Clark Kent.

He struggled making a decision for days until he went to the grocery store and saw a sign. The next day he called both of them into his office where fired Lois Lane. After she left, Clark Kent asked him, "Perry, how did you decide which of us to fire?" He replied, "I couldn't make a decision until I...

How do you tell the different between a psychiatrist and an adult film star?

Ask them to pronounce the word 'analyzed.'

A piece of retconned canon from Star Wars has a danger of causing glaring plotholes in upcoming Disney films and series.

It's what is known as "a loose canon."

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A Hypnotist Visits a Senior’s Home.......

It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens' Center. After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show, Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.

"Yes, each and every one of you ...

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What's the same about the Star Ship Enterprise and Toilet Paper?

They both fly to Uranus and wipe out the cling-ons

When the "Whose Line is It Anyway" star was publicly derided by a phone guest, it was...

A call-in mockery!

A guy in a wheelchair once applied for Stars in their Eyes with his nephew and they both successfully got on the show...

...when asked about his accident by the presenter, he stated "Well me and nephew are both glazers you see, and one day my nephew, who is here with me tonight, was up a ladder holding onto this double glazed window that we were both installing, when it suddenly slipped from his grasp and sliced strai...

Star Wars names

My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.

My daughter Chewbacca not as much.

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What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bi sexual Hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie watching sci-fi on wifi.

An Avatar: The Last Airbender and Star Trek crossover?

ATLAST!

I gave that movie 3.14 stars!

Cause I pi-rated it.

Heard this sub has a lot of Star Trek fans. Did you guys know that to cut down on costs, a lot of the cast and crew camped outside in tents while filming the outdoor scenes in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn? I just snagged one on eBay!

Yeah, so anyways - I thought you guys would appreciate my original Kahn tent.

When shopping for a vacuum on amazon, never trust a 5 star review.

There is no such thing as a perfect vacuum.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson had once gone on a camping and hiking trip.

As they lay on their beds staring at the night sky Holmes said, " Watson, look up. What do you see?"

"Well, I see thousands of stars."

"And what does that mean to you?"

"Well, I imagine it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"

"T...

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Misinterpretation in the sheets

Her: I thought you said you were gonna go pornstar on me

Me: no I said pawn star

Her: what does that even mean

Me: best I can do is 4 inches

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Where do porn stars buy their cucumbers?

Hole Foods

What do you call a shellfish Action movie star?

Jean Claude Van Clam.

A redditor goes to a meteor-shower party

A redditor hears about a meteor shower party nearby and decides to attend. However, the party is a letdown. There are no snacks and nearly everyone there is boring to talk to. The guy turns to someone nearby and says to him "Dang, this party is a real bummer." Worse, when the sky darkens and the tim...

Ninja 1: Hey bud, could you throw me that little metal star?

Ninja 2: Shuriken

What did the pop star say when she learned she owed back taxes?

Lorde.

Quarantined Star Wars troopers be like "I miss people"

First off all, you always miss.

It must be scary dating an adult film star

So many jealous step brothers

My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as inspiration when naming my kids.

However, his sister Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.

My brother's still single on star wars day.

Apparently he's been looking for love in Alderaan places.

You know, if I had to rate our solar system

I’d probably give it one star

Did you hear that the star of Con Air was arrested and put in a jail cell filled with pennies, dimes, and quarters?

It was a nickel-less cage.

What do you call an invisible Star Wars droid?

C-thru-PO

What did the Star Wars fan with a lisp say?

May the Fourth be with you.

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Mr. Johnson was sitting on a plane, waiting for it to take off, when one last person boarded the plane and sat down next to him. Mr. Johnson realized, much to his surprise and delight, that it was social media fitness star Michelle Lewin.

"This is amazing!" he said. "How lucky is it that I sit right next to one of the hottest women on social media?"

"I'm on my way to a fitness conference," said Michelle. "I'm going to tell my fellow women some of my best-kept secrets on getting and staying fit like me."

"Wow!" said Mr. ...

Four little boys brag whose dad is the tallest.

The first boy says: my dad is taller than a tree!

The second boy says: my dad is taller than a mountain!

The third boy says: my dad is so tall that if he stands on the tips of his toes he can reach the stars!

The fourth boys says: and those are large?

\-Yeah.

\-R...

What kind of bird would make a great action movie star?

Steven Sea-gull

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Did you hear the one...

About the porn star that gave people COVID?

She was a super spreader!!

If Pride Flags exist; there must be Shame Flags

Which explains the Stars and Bars of the Confederacy

Steve likes Flowers

Every week, he goes to a different florist in his city, and buys a different kind of flower, trying to find what looks and smells best. On this occasion, however, he struggles to find one that fits his vibe for the week. Seeing his struggle, the young florist walks up.

"Hi!" She says with a ...

Sherlock wakes Watson.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do ...

3 men in a waiting room while their wives give birth

Three men are waiting together in a waiting room while their wives are all giving birth.

The men start to talk and learn about each other while they wait.

The nurse comes out and tells the first guy "Congratulations your wife has given birth and you now have 2 handsome twin boys"
...

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