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Star Jokes

A girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters!

‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’
After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’
‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s ...

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I once hooked up with a Japanese star...

...but it was a total blur.

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I asked my girlfriend to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some roleplaying fun.

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

" off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

Why didn't Leia email Obi-Wan the Death-Star plans?

The Jedi Code forbids attachments.

My neighbors listen to Smash Mouth's All Star a lot.

Whether they like it or not.

If you’re dating someone who doesn’t enjoy Star Wars puns...

Then you’re looking in Alderaan places

My friend asked me if the new Star Wars was in 3D...

... and I said, yes, but they R2D2.

My son Luke loves that I named my children after Star Wars characters.

My daughter, Chewbacca, not so much.

There are no rock stars.

They are all made of gas.

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What are stars paid?

Income

Why is Texas called the Lone Star state?

Because you can’t leave a zero stars rating

Haven't seen the new Star Wars yet...

But everybody posting spoilers about how Princess Leia dies

"Daddy, how do stars die?"

"Drugs, normally."

Why is Empire Strikes Back the best Star Wars movie?

It's a perfect 5/7.

The cast of Star Wars VII just finished their first read through (spoilers)

Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said "Can I have a word?"

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My girlfriend is a star.

She will kill me if she finds out.

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I got a when I read that my favorite star died

I had mourning wood.

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?

In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.

A failed rapper, a failed rock star, and a mediocre country singer walk into a bar

He tells the bartender "anything but Budweiser."

Why does a shooting star taste better than a comet?

It's a little meteor.

Can you kill someone with a throwing star?

Shuriken.

Star wars joke

Han solo: Yoda are we going the right way?
Yoda: Off course we are

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What do politicians and stars have most in common?

They’re experts at switching positions in front of camera.

This barista at StarBucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee.

I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote "callthecops".

I didn't bother leaving a tip.

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Why don't stars get convicted of any crimes?

Because they can always get themselves off.

A has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame...

...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.

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My girlfriend's a star

And she's going to be really pissed when she finds out

A woman 14 days into her menstrual cycle starred in a Broadway play

She got a standing ovulation

What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray?

HDMI

The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store.

But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new stars. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.

Hey girl, are you a white dwarf star?

'cause you're pretty hot but kind of dim.

Star Wars Episode 7-9 Titles Revealed

Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Sleeps For Five More Minutes

Star Wars Episode IX: The Force Is Late For Work

Friend: do you know that one guy who just cant have a conversation without quoting star wars?

Me: well of course I know him, he is me

When you wish upon a star...

You burn to death very quickly.

How did Mace die in Star Wars?

Through the Windu

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Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking...

Where the is my roof?

I'm the Brightest star in the Night sky. I'm not joking....

I'm Sirius.

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What does the star ship enterprise have in common with toilet paper?

They both chase Klingons around Uranus!

My son (who is into astronomy) asked me “How do stars die?”

Being the intellectual I am I replied “Usually through an overdose”

my friend got a face tattoo of his favorite Star Wars character

you should’ve seen the Luke on his face

Peter Mayhew will be reprising his role as Chewbacca in the next Star Wars movie!

They said they wanted to cast the role to a veteran rather than a wookiee.

My friend, who's star sign was cancer, died very ironically.

He was mauled by a giant crab.

I asked a ninja “Can you show me one of those throwing stars?”

The ninja replied “Shuriken.”

I used to confuse Star Wars with Star Trek.

It was a Wookie mistake.

One of my books just had a four-star review!

The reviewer said "This book is \*\*\*\*"

Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome

Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him, the other a Star of David. Many people go by, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.

A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar...

Can a ninja throw a star?

SHUR-HE-CAN

Why can't crows star in a sitcom?

Everytime more than one is on set it turns into a 'murder' mystery.

Why didn't Luke Skywalker want to visit the Death Star?

Because he didn't want death.

(My 5 year old made this joke up and he was very proud of himself. I told him I'd post it here for cheap and easy karma)

What's a computer's favorite pop star?

A Dell

What did Yoda say when he saw Star Wars in 4k?

>!HD … MI!<

Happy Star Wars Day/Cinco de Mayo

Chewie today, Chuy tomorrow

What's the difference between a pop star and a shooting star?

One's a skinny kid the other is a little meteor.

Black Friday sale on Star Wars Battlefront 2

Save up to $2160 by not buying it

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What does a star do to stay calm on set?

Pictures everyone in their underwear.

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star.

A male star gets home from work, sits down in the chair, his girlfriend says, "you look exhausted,!"

he says, "yes, I've had a hard day at the orifice. "

Did you hear that Disney+ is making a crossover between Star Wars and Back to the Future where the time machine is half car and half person?

It’s called the Man-DeLorean.

I was laying in bed last night looking up at the stars in the sky when I thought to myself

Where the hell is my ceiling.

Where do you keep your badge at a Star Trek convention?

On a Lanyard Nimoy

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Have you heard the one about the President and the star?

No?

You should really watch something other than Fox News.

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What would you call Mike Tyson if he was a villain in Star Wars?

A Lord

My belongings are like stars

I never put them in place, but I known where they are.

My wife said she would divorce me if I kept quoting Star Trek.

So I said, "Number Two, make it so!"

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My wife has the body of a star...

..which is kind of creepy and takes up a lot of room in the fridge.

My father is a 4-star General in the Army.

Which means he has mostly favourable reviews on TripAdvisor.

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I Was Briefly A Star

I just never made it big.

Why haven't Aliens visited our Solar System yet? ...

They looked at the reviews...
Only 1 star.

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stars are poorer than we think.

When is the last time you saw one able to even afford a pizza?

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What would Bill gates's star name be?

Microsoft

A man walked into a Star Wars museum

...carrying an old rusted bucket by his side and demanded to know who was in charge.

"What can I help you with today, sir?" asked the confused curator.

"This here is an authentic piece of European history and once belonged to the King of England 1000 years ago."

"But," stutte...

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Guys are now sending dirty pics against a background of the night sky with star trails.

They're calling it exposure photography

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

Star Wars Trivia: What is the internal Temperature of a TaunTaun?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Luke-Warm

[Star Wars spoiler] What did Han....

Tell Leia after they separated?

-----


*May Divorce be with you.*

(from my 9 year old) What is the scariest planet in Star Wars?

Na-BOO!

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What's the name of Greece's most famous star?

Testicles.

Star gazing isn’t very fun

I’ve been doing it all afternoon and now I can’t see

A politician dies...

...and ends up at the pearly gates. St. Peter looks at him and finds his name in his book.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes. Is there a problem?"

"Oh no, there is no problem. But we have a policy for people in your profession, you have to spend a day each in heaven and he...

Q. Why does this Star Trek uniform stink?

A. William Shatner

I dont enjoy Andor, but it has nothing to do with Star Wars...

...I'm just not a fan of conjunctions

Chuck Norris plays a very important role in star wars

he's the force.

Have you heard about the new Star Trek Christmas movie?

It’s The Wreath of Khan

My local KFC will be celebrating Star Wars day on May 4th with an Anakin special.

It’s an extra crispy chicken with no legs and only one wing.

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Did you hear about the star’s favorite classic novel?

It’s entitled “Catch Her In The Eye.”

I want to find a girlfriend who's into Star Wars

I've been looking for love in Alderaan places.

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How did the male star describe the female star’s beauty?

He said she had the nicest face he ever came across.

What Star Wars charactor likes orange juice the most?

Emperor Pulpatine

I listened to All Star so many times it gave me tinnitus.

Now, my ears start humming and they don't stop humming.

How are false teeth like stars?

They come out at night!

My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as inspiration when naming my kids.

However, his sister Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.

TIL that after starring in 21 Kevin Spacey tried to play Blackjack professionally and lost all of his money.

Kept hitting on 17.

What do you call a Star Wars themed bubble tea party?

A Boba Fête

What did the star get when it came in last place?

A constellation prize

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Karen goes to the doctor not feeling well. Karen: Doctor, I’ve not been feeling well lately. .

Doctor: I’ve looked at your lab reports and I’m afraid I have some bad news.

Karen: Don’t give me this lab nonsense. I believe in homeopathic medicine, faith-based approaches and healing crystals. All my life, they have never failed me. Now will you do things my way or do I need to see the ma...

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I went to a stars reunion yesterday...

It was nice to come across old faces again!

What does Senator Lindsey Graham, Upcoming Game of Thrones Book "Dream of Spring" and Video Game Star Citizen have in common?

None of them are ever coming out!





You're welcome

I went to the doctor and, he said, "Pick a star sign?" Any star sign?

I said, "Capricorn."

He said, "No, you've got Cancer."

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What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.

Credits: my bud

My libertarian neighbor posted a newspaper ad selling his collection of Star Trek ships.

And here I thought he believed in free Enterprise.
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