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I asked my wife to dress as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

Why haven't aliens come to our solar system?

They checked our reviews.

One star.

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When I was about 17 or 18 I first noticed that my sister was a hottie.

First of all, - just for some background: My Mum died right when I was born, (she was actually really, really hot- but this isn't about her. I guess that's fucked up to say, but whatever.) I actually grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before ...

Orion's Belt is a big waist of space.

Bad joke. Only three stars.

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A mom wanted her three sons to stop swearing...

...so she decides she needs to start punishing her children.


The next morning, her three sons, Billy, Bobby, and Johnny come to the kitchen for breakfast. The mom asks Billy what he wants for breakfast.


Billy says, "I don't know, just give me ceral or some shit." The mom sm...

Q: Why did Star Wars episodes 4,5, and 6 come before 1,2, and 3?

A: Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out.

But she pulled some strings and got me in.

What do you call a female pop star with big nipples?

Areola Grande.

One day I was lying in bed staring up at the stars when i thought to myself...

My roof has gone.

Son: Dad how do stars die?

Dad: Drugs, Usually

Hey can you tell me what a star shaped weapon in martial arts is called?

Sure I can

How are stars like false teeth?

They both come out at night!

Star Wars Trailer: No one is ever really gone...

"Meesa lead tha First Order to victory now, okietay?"

My aunt’s star sign was cancer, so it was pretty ironic how she died...

She was eaten by a giant crab.

Which Star Wars character is always sneezing?

Atchoo-bacca.

My friend has an issue with the perfect inflection of the Star of David.

He's anti-symmetric.

Stellar black holes are formed by the collapse of a massive star.

Fingers crossed it's James Corden

Think of a dark future where humanity has to take to the stars because earth is no longer inhabitable.

That's unsettling

I walked into my doctors appointment and he said pick a star sign. I said Capricorn

He said no you’ve got Cancer

Cringey star wars joke

Just thought of a cringey star wars joke while being unable to sleep

Q- What was Hans Solo's response to Princess Leia when she asked where he had been all her life?

A- In Alderaan places

My girlfriend is the star goalie of her soccer team

She's a keeper

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A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn’t possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked, "Bubba, just what the hell is your secret?"

Bubba replies, "Well Coach, whenever I’m about to have sex, I always whip it
out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. This numbs it and I can screw
'em forever!"

The coach went home early one day, and went to the bedroom. He heard his wife
in the shower. Seeing a window of oppor...

What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake?

Bicarbonate of Yoda

The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage

She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns.

​

I look at therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"

​

​

Girl, when I see stars I think of you

because you're only beautiful from far away

Aliens haven’t visited our solar system yet because we only have 1 star.

They’ll want to visit solar systems with 4 or 5 stars

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Three porn stars were getting drunk

And they started bragging to each other about their exploits


Porn star 1 said: “Girls, I’m easily the biggest whore in this bar. One time I fucked a soccer team. The whole team! Including the towel boy. And I did it by sneaking into the locker room, getting naked, and then just waiting fo...

What do you call a useless star?

A waste of space.



... but some call him Justin Bieber.

I just heard Paul Bettany is going to star in a standalone movie for the MCU which will begin filming later this year.

If the rumors are true, we're getting 2020 Vision.

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What did the porn star say to her coworker, The Invisible Man?

"Well... I did not see that coming."

sorry if it's a repost, but I've never seen it and I gave myself a chuckle coming up with it.

Star gazing isn’t very fun

I’ve been doing it all afternoon and now I can’t see

What the relationship between two stars?

Solmates.

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All of my sexual escapades are like a big budget Star Wars movie

Solo

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My colleagues thought it would be good to each wear a shirt representing our star sign for our ‘make a wish foundation’ fundraiser

Now I’m here wearing the word CANCER across my chest and feel a right knob

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A girl walks into a tattoo parlor and explains that she's always wanted a tattoo of her favorite country music star on the inside of her thigh...

She's really conflicted though, because she can't decide between her two favorites, Conway Twitty or George Jones.

The tattoo artist offers a solution: he would do both Conway Twitty AND George Jones, one on each thigh, for only $200 with a free money-back guarantee...if she doesn't like his...

My girlfriend is the star of the local police department’s bomb squad.

When asked what is her secret to such skilled techniques, she responded:

“Plenty of practice every night with a short fuse and explosions that go off early.”

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I've started online dating a porn star

I text her to meet up and maybe come back to mine for a little fun.

She said "Yeah sure, I'm working Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday so how about Friday?"

I'd prefer Monday...

Pope gets a lesson

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy.

One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

The Pope comes by. He stops to ...

I can only have one beer when watching Star Wars.

Only one Peroni.

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What do you call it when a porn star has sex with a fan, for free.

Pro bono

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The KKK recently announced that male Asian porn stars are welcome to join the Klan

As they too are a part of he supreme cockasian race

For Star Trek fans: What did Scotty tell Kirk when The Enterprise flew over western England?

"Thar be Wales here!"

Why do things get built so fast in Finland?

Because as soon as they start it’s Finnish.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the ghost that tried out to be a porn star?

She had really nice booooooooobs.

A bunch of nature television stars decide to have a barbecue.

Steve Irwin and Crocodile Dundee were talking. Crocodile Dundee asks, “Mate, there aren’t many people here, what’s everybody doing?” Steve Irwin says, “ Your washing plates and I’m setting the table.” Crocodile Dundee replies, “And who is that guy and what does he do?” Steve Irwin simply says, “Oh, ...

As a kid, I once ate a Star Wars eraser...

It was a little Chewie.

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A famous porn star died..

At the funeral, everyone came.

What do odd numbers and reality TV stars in common?

They literally can't even

Did you hear about that movie star that did hard drugs for an entire year to play an addict in a film?

He's a meth-head actor

Which Star Wars character is obsessed with cheese?

Boba Feta.

Can a ninja throw a star?

Sure he can.

Why does Patrick Star not have Reddit?

Because he lives under a rock

The heaviest things in the universe

3 - Neutron stars

2 - Black holes

1 - The collective weight of the people who thought this was a yo momma joke

TIL that Hollywood is set to make a biopic about a famous classical composer, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be the star.

When interviewed about the project, he was quoted as saying "I'll be Bach"

Can you kill someone with a throwing star?

Shuriken.

Will I understand A Star Is Born?

If I haven't seen any of the other Bourne movies?

After watching Star Wars with my son for the first time today, he looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, why was R2D2 so dirty?"

Puzzled, I asked him what he meant.

He replied, "Well, they had to bleep out every word he said!"

Batman and the Joker are in the retirement home together, working on crafts projects. Batman looks at Joker's cross-stitch of the night sky and asks, "Why'd you leave out the Dog Star?" Joker answers...

"Why sew Sirius?"

Why were the star-crossed melons heartbroken?

Because they cantaloupe

I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention disguised as a Doctor.

The Security Guard suspected I was not the Real McCoy.

My daughter came from school all upbeat and confident telling me how the teacher told them that "Sky's the limit" and they should be "reaching for the stars".

So I installed skylight above her bed and told her to look up the glass ceiling.

I was watching Star Wars with my daughter and when she asked me why Luke climbed inside the Tauntaun, I replied that it was to keep warm. With a puzzled frown, she questioned how warm was it inside...

Knowingly, I told her, "Lukewarm."

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I went to a porn star reunion yesterday.

It was nice to come across old faces again.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I can predict your favorite movie with one simple trick..

This math test will determine your favorite movie.
Amazing!
This is pretty damn amazing. Mine turned out to be Gone With The Wind. Thats my favorite movie! I was surprised how this worked.
.
Be honest and dont look at the movie list till you have done the math!
.
Try this test and ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girlfriend is a porn star.

She will kill me if she finds out.

Just found out Chuck Norris had a cameo in Star Wars...

he played The Force

I walked into the Doctors Surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign.

" "Capricorn." I replied.

​

"Yeah, right," he tutted. "As if I'm about to tell you that you have Capricorn. Try again."

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F*ucking Cock

A Farmer buys a young Cock. As soon as it comes Home, it rushes & fucks all the 150 Hens. Farmer is impressed.

At lunch, the Cock again screws all 150 Hens,
Farmer gets tense now.

Next day, he finds Cock fucking the Ducks, Goose & Parrot too.

Later, he finds the Cock ...

Do you think that old ninja could still knock someone out with a throwing star?

Shuriken

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Have you heard the one about the President and the porn star?

No?

You should really watch something other than Fox News.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Who is the most appropriately named Asian porn star who specialises in rough anal?

Lee King Rim

I found out I was colorblind by watching Star Wars

I couldn't see the green screen

I feel really bad for the stars sometimes.

They all have such a low rating.

What do church and Star Wars blasters have in common?

They both go "Pew pew pew!"

Why did Star Wars episode 4,5,6 came before 1,2,3?

Because in charge of planning, Yoda was.

I asked my wife to dress up as a bounty hunter from Star Wars

I have a Boba fettish

The local radio station was asking listeners to call on with their favorite Stars in Horror Movie

I was the first caller and said "Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman"! Apparently enunciation is EVERYTHING.

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself…

Where the f*ck is my roof?

The star attraction at my local aquarium has been repossessed.

Turns out it was a loan shark .

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.

Credits: my bud

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

After sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."

Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.

Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.

Star Wars X-Wing pilot

"my navigation and targeting drone keeps making bad puns about the old west.. I guess I shouldn't have gone with an RD-R2"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was really disappointed when I came last in the astronomy competition, but they still gave me a map of the stars just for participating.

It was a constellation prize

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2018 was the first year with teen porn stars born in a different millennium

2019 will be the first year with "milf" porn starts born in a different millennium

People don’t realize that vandalizing Trumps Hollywood Star is a bad thing

It guarantees him the newest and shiniest star on the walk. Art of the the Deal

What did the meditating Buddhist say to the Instagram star?

"Begone, thought!"

What do you call a Star Wars themed all you can eat restaurant?

Bo-buffet

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do politicians and porn stars have in common?

They're both experts at changing positions in front of a camera.

I saw God write a review about our solar system a while ago

he didn’t explain why he gave it a one star tho