The 111+ Best Star Jokes

Why is Texas called the Lone Star state?

Because of all the one-star reviews

A woman 14 days into her menstrual cycle starred in a Broadway play

She got a standing ovulation

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Why don't porn stars get convicted of any crimes?

Because they can always get themselves off.

My wife said she would divorce me if I kept quoting Star Trek.

So I said, "Number Two, make it so!"

"All right, for our new Disney+ miniseries, we need to make it a thoughtful, highly entertaining original series AND it needs to connect to an existing Star Wars property."

"... Would you settle for And/or?"

Could somebody please tell the name of the 80's comedy based in a bar in Boston starring Ted Danson. I can't for the life of me remember it's name.

Cheers

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What's the difference between 5 Male porn stars and a joke?

Your mother can't take a joke.

My belongings are like stars

I never put them in place, but I known where they are.

Can a ninja throw a throwing star?

Sure-he-can

My libertarian neighbor posted a newspaper ad selling his collection of Star Trek ships.

And here I thought he believed in free Enterprise.

What's the difference between an anorexic and a shooting star?

One's all skin and bones, and the other's a little meteor

Fun fact: In Star Trek canon, Captain Kirk has three ears. . .

He has a left ear, a right ear, and SPACE: THE FINAL FRONT EAR.

Why don't aliens visit Earth

Bc we have 1 star rating...

Chuck Norris plays a very important role in star wars

he's the force.

Have you heard about the new Star Trek Christmas movie?

It’s The Wreath of Khan

I dont enjoy Andor, but it has nothing to do with Star Wars...

...I'm just not a fan of conjunctions

My son has started an apprenticeship chef role at a Michelin starred Indian restaurant in London.

On his first day they showed him how to make the perfect Indian flat bread. He said he can't tell me the recipe though.

Apparently he had to sign a naan disclosure agreement.

A girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters!

‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’ After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’ ‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s becaus...

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3?

Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

Two young lovers stare up at the ginormous shooting star streaking across the night sky.

*Even the night sky is smiling down upon our union!* one of them thinks.

*Ours is truly a love that will last forever,* he concludes, as he nuzzles the female Tyrannosaur’s neck.

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[Nsfw] My wife FINALLY agreed to a Star Wars role play in the bedroom...

...The only catch was I had to be Obi Wan, because she always had a thing for Ewan McGregor.

"Of course!" I said, and got to work putting together the sexiest Obi Wan costume I could. I even managed to find Glow in the Dark condoms so I could impress her with my "lightsaber".

The nigh...

A media star's career will remain stable as long as they haven't done anything horrible. The star's career will collapse if at any point the weight of all the horrible things they have done overcomes the support of the public's positive perception of them and their importance as a cultural icon.

This is known as "Ellen Degeneracy pressure."

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The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage.

She said she hated the constant Star Wars puns.

I looked at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one."

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A blond and a lawyer are flying to Cleveland

The man asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

Bored, he persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you do...

What did the star get when it came in last place?

A constellation prize

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How do porn stars make a living?

Income.

What do you call a Star Wars themed bubble tea party?

A Boba Fête

I want to open a Star Wars themed cafe that caters to people who are obsessed with bubble tea.

I am going to call it Boba Fetish.

My son Luke loves that I named my children after Star Wars characters.

My daughter, Chewbacca, not so much.

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I asked my girlfriend to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy roleplaying fun.

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

A man walked into a Star Wars museum

...carrying an old rusted bucket by his side and demanded to know who was in charge.

"What can I help you with today, sir?" asked the confused curator.

"This here is an authentic piece of European history and once belonged to the King of England 1000 years ago."

"But," stutte...

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A man walks by a 5 star restaurant and sees a sign on the window that says "piano player wanted"

He asks to speak to the manager, who he then tells he'd like to apply for the job. The manager brings him over to the piano to see what he's got. The man plays the most beautiful piece the manager has ever heard. He pulls out his handkerchief to wipe away a few tears.

Deeply moved, the manag...

Texas is the Lone Star state.

Of course, that’s out of a possible 5 stars.

A little girl was walking home from school when a man on a motorcycle pulled up beside her.

Man: Hey little girl, want to ride on the back of my motorcycle?

Girl: No.

Man: Come on sweetie, I'll give you five dollars if you ride with me.

Girl: Get away from me or I'll call the cops.

Man: How about twenty dollars, just get on the back with me.

Girl: (Starts...

I think I need a new doctor. Mine can't even get my star sign right.

I'm a sagittarius, but he said I have cancer

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What's a porn star's favorite drink?

7 up in cider.

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Did you hear about the porn star’s favorite classic novel?

It’s entitled “Catch Her In The Eye.”

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January, 1774. Revolution stirs in the English colonies.

January, 1774. Revolution stirs in the English colonies. Just last month a rebel group called the Sons of Liberty caused a ruckus in Boston about tea being taxed too high. Tax collectors tarred and feathered. High anti royalist sentiment. William Cotillion, King George's personal advisor to the colo...

My friend hates it when he sees the Star of David everywhere, but he claims he's not racist

Just anti-semiotic

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What makes blind porn stars special?

They never see it cumming.

One of my books just had a four-star review!

The reviewer said "This book is \*\*\*\*"

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Did you hear what they said about the thalidomide porn star?

He had an arm like a babies cock

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What's the name of Greece's most famous porn star?

Testicles.

Al Pacino is to star in a new movie about a man who wins the World Knitting Championships...

Its called 'Scarf Ace'.

The Star Wars Surprise

A man went to a space-themed diner for lunch. Looking over the menu, he spotted the weekly special, the Star Wars Surprise. It was nearly twice as expensive as most other items, but promised an experience you wouldn't forget.

Curiosity getting the better of him, the man ordered the special. H...

Owing to fog a steamer stopped at the mouth of a river.

An old lady inquired of the captain the cause of the delay.

"Can't see up the river," replied the officer.

"But, captain, I can see the stars overhead," she argued.

"Yes," said the captain gruffly, "but until the boiler busts we ain't a-goin' that way."

Source: 19...

What Star Wars character likes orange juice the most?

Emperor Pulpatine

Arnold Schwarzenegger announced today that he'll be starring in a new movie about a 18th century composer

When asked about it it, Mr Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"

I entered a raffle to win a galaxy, but I only won a small group of stars.

It was the constellation prize.

The wise sensei kicked his star pupil in the mouth when he heard him bragging about how he had conquered every foe without ever losing a match. What did the wise sensei teach his beloved pupil?

The taste of “dafeet”

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Male Porn star.

How can you tell a male porn star at a petrol station.?

He pulls the nozzle out just before the tank is full and sprays the last bit over the windscreen and bonnet.

I chose not to put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay...

... because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and started chatting regularly. Every day, sometimes throughout the day. Slowly we learned more about...

For Star Trek fans. A Romulan man, a Ferengi businessman, a ravishing Human woman and a homely Bajoran are sharing a compartment on an old train as it makes its way through the mountains.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Ferengi is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The Bajoran thinks "I bet that dirty...

Who swore the most in star wars?

R2-D2, they beeped out every word he said

Hey, did you hear about the Star Wars fanatic who's been stealing autograph books and photo albums from other fans at conventions?

They call him the fan-tome menace.

I spent hours looking up at the stars, wondering if the universe was infinite

Fine night

French Star Wars fans have something to look forward to every week....

Each Thursday is the Return of the Jeudi.

How are false teeth like stars?

They come out at night!

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I think it's about time I upgraded my car's navigation system.

I couldn't use it last night, as the fucking stars weren't out.

What do you call a Star Wars droid that takes the long way around?

R2 Detour.

Sherlock Holmes and Watson went camping.

As they lay down in their sleeping bags, Sherlock calls out to Watson and says 'The stars are quite visible this evening. What do you think that means?'

Watson replies, 'Well, I think it means that there's a whole universe out there that remains unexplored and filled with mysteries and world...

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I Was Briefly A Porn Star

I just never made it big.

A young Irish girl goes to confession...

...and says, “Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

The priest replies, “Go ahead, my child.”

“Well”, she says, “Last night I made love to me boyfriend... FIVE TIMES! And it was GLORIOUS, Father. He made me tingle all over, and I swear it was as though I was seein’ the stars in my passio...

How did Samuel L Jackson die in star wars?

He fell out of the Windu

3 dirty Star Wars jokes

1) Why was Han Solo suspicious when he finally got inside Princess Leia?

Because it was Luke warm

2) Why was Han Solo suspicious when he was eating Princess Leia?

Because she felt chewy

3) Did Han do the right thing when he confronted Leia about these?

No, that nig...

TIL Texas is called the lone star state

because it was the minimum allowed in a 5 star rating system

A guy I met told me he identifies as the brightest star in the night sky…

I said- “Are you Sirius?”

A monk from Nepal travels to Germany…

When he steps out of the airport he goes to the pick-up lane and raises his hand to call a taxi. An incoming taxi driver notices the Nepali and pulls up next to him with his big, luxurious Mercedes Benz car. The monk boards the taxi but as he has never seen such a big and shiny car before, he curiou...

I saw a Star wars action figure in a Corolla today

It was a toy Yoda in a Toyota

My wife thinks it’s weird that I Star through the window every time it rains or snows

Maybe one day she’ll let me in

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Did you hear about the porn star who did bondage movies?

She was strapped for cash.

I just got hit by a Subaru

I’m seeing stars

Why didn't Leia email Obi-Wan the Death-Star Plans?

The Jedi Code forbids attachments.

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An American and a Russian die and go to Hell... (Long)

They are met at the gates by Satan, who offers them a choice: They can either go to American Hell or Russian Hell.

Both new arrivals are curious as to what the difference is, so Satan explains that in American Hell you are free to do whatever you want; you'll find that we have all the finest...

Me to a ninja: Hey, can you show me how you precisely cut off tree branches with those throwing stars?

“Shuriken.”

(Came up with this ex nihilo, please like)

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.

After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"
...

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My girlfriend said my dick reminded her of a star. I asked, "Because it's hot and brightens your day?"

She replied, "No, because it's a white dwarf."

If you’re dating someone who doesn’t enjoy Star Wars puns...

Then you’re looking in Alderaan places

My son, while gazing up at the sky, asked me how stars die

"Usually an overdose", I said

LPT: When you wish on a star, often your wish will come true.

Usually because the star doesn't want the paparazzi to find out. Just name your price, and let them go back on stage, already!

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Can we start using "stars" as a unit of measurement, instead of inches?

It sounds way better to tell the ladies I have a 5 star penis

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My son (who is into astronomy) asked me “How do stars die?”

I said "well some marry the wrong people, and others slap the shit out of each other."

My neighbors listen to Smash Mouth's All Star a lot.

Whether they like it or not.

I started a service to deliver groceries to little old ladies.

It's called Spinstacart.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself:

Where the heck did the ceiling go?

Q. Why does this Star Trek uniform stink?

A. William Shatner

I want to find a girlfriend who's into Star Wars

I've been looking for love in Alderaan places.

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So there was this assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet.

A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?"

"Yup."

"What if you miss?"

He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss…"

"Okay, well I've got $20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best frien...

Matt Damon is to star in a new movie about a man who has accepted Jesus as his Savior or Redeemer.

The Bourne Again Christian

The reason that aliens have never visited us is because

The reason that aliens have never visited us is because our solar system has received terrible reviews.
.
.

We only have one star.

INCOMING STAR WARS JOKE So my uncle got a job circumcising Bantha’s…

He said the pay was OK but the tips were huge.

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Ladies...If a man is willing to give you the Moon and the Stars....

You should be willing to sacrifice Uranus.

Prince Andrew is to star as the villain in a new episode of Scooby Doo

He would have gotten away with it too if he hadn’t have been meddling with those kids

Meaty or Shower?

What is the difference between a hamburger and a shooting star?

While one is meaty...the other...is a little meteor.

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is a heavy aquatic mammal...the other is a little lighter.

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Karen goes to the doctor not feeling well. Karen: Doctor, I’ve not been feeling well lately. .

Doctor: I’ve looked at your lab reports and I’m afraid I have some bad news.

Karen: Don’t give me this lab nonsense. I believe in homeopathic medicine, faith-based approaches and healing crystals. All my life, they have never failed me. Now will you do things my way or do I need to see the ma...

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Porn stars may not have the easiest job…

But porn watchers definitely have the hardest.

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What would Bill gates's porn star name be?

Microsoft

A man buys a robot that slaps people when they tell a lie.

He decides to test it on his family at dinner that night.

The man asked his son, "Son, what did you do after school today?"

The son replied, "Oh, I just did some homework" and the robot slapped the son.

The son said, "Okay I actually watched a movie with my friends".

The ...

Little Jimmy was visiting with his grandpa

They were both sitting in the living room and suddenly little Jimmy asked the grandpa:

- ‘Grandpa, what is a c*nt?’

The grandpa was a little bit shocked with the question. He checked whether the grandma was in the kitchen and took little Jimmy up to the attic. There, he moved few of th...

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What should the baby's name be?

A young woman was talking to her friend about how she wanted to have sex with her boyfriend but didn't want to get pregnant. The friend told her to yell "what should the baby's name be" and that it would scare the boyfriend into pulling out.

Later that night the woman and her boyfriend were g...

Old army joke

A new captain becomes leader of a company of soldiers. As he goes about learning everything on how they do things he finds two soldiers guarding a bench. He asks his sergeants why they're guarding the bench and they say the previous commander ordered it. He calls the previous commander up, now a maj...

Friend: do you know that one guy who just cant have a conversation without quoting star wars?

Me: well of course I know him, he is me

The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store.

But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new stars. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.

Why are shooting stars so fast? (x-post from /dadjokes)

They’re traveling light.

Did you know Mr. T is a big Star Wars fan?

So much so that he named his kid Boba.

Everyone talks about the little Spanish flea, a record star he thought he'd be, but nobody talks about his cousin, the little Spanish tick.

He was a massive freaking prick.

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How can you tell the difference between a porn star and a programmer?

The way they pronounce 'analyze'

Why was there a Covid-19 outbreak on the Death Star?

'Cos the Stormtroopers missed their shots.

According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star You’re actually a few million years late.

That star is dead. Just like your dreams.

Where do sitcom stars go to race cars?

A laugh track.

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My girlfriend is a porn star. –

She will kill me if she finds out.

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