My son, while gazing up at the sky, asked me how stars die

"Usually an overdose", I said

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My girlfriend is a star on pornhub.

And she'll kill me if she finds out.

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A QUEEN and a famous porn star died on the same day

when they fronted up to St Peter he told them there was only one space left for that day, and they’d have to argue their respective cases.The horizontal humper ripped off her top and said, “These are the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I’m sure it will please him greatly to be able to gaz...

My dad's star sign was cancer which is ironic considering how he died

He was attacked by a giant crab

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Last night, I was lying in bed gazing up at the stars thinking

*Where the fuck is my roof?*

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?

In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.

What do you call someone who tells you that you must see the new Star Wars series?

A Mandatorian

Droids claim they were molested by George Lucas during filming for Star Wars...

#R2MeToo

Pick a star sign says the doctor

“Gemini”
“Come on” says doc “as if I’m about to tell you you have Gemini”

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What's the similarity between a bad boxer and a porn star?

They both take a pounding in the ring.

What do all Star Trek captains have in common?

They all have three ears.


A left ear.

A right ear.

And a final frontier.

Why is Patrick Star Arabic?

Because he lives under Iraq.

So my friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favourite Star Wars character

You should've seen the Luke on her face.

My neighbors listen to Smash Mouth's All Star a lot.

Whether they like it or not.

My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with "Star Wars".

I said:

May divorce be with you.

Who's the Death Star's greatest country singer?

Darth Brooks.

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Why was the porn star’s funeral so disappointing?

Nobody came

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If I had to choose my favourite type of star, it has to be a white dwarf.

Peter Dinklage is by far #1 in that list.

What does Karl Marx, a bus driver and a sous chef at a 5-star restaurant have in common?

Everything, if Marx had his way.

What's the difference between Star Wars fans and Star Wars haters?

the fans enjoyed 2 of the movies

In 1964, a couple of former St. Louis Cardinals baseball stars were on vacation in Wales....

Red Schoendienst and Stan Musial decided to head to the UK on vacation with their wives after the 1964 Major League Baseball season. The two had retired as players the year before and had just finished their first full season as members of the staff - Musial as vice president, Schoendienst as a coa...

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I was really worried that my premature ejaculation would wreck my career as a porn star.

"Christ I'm nervous," I said to the director on the first day of filming.

"Don't worry lad,you'll be fine," he said. "Just stick to the script."

"I already have." I replied.

Why can’t stars in action movies have children?

Because they only shoot blanks.

I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention as a doctor...

The security guard suspected I was not the real McCoy.

Everyone was curious why the Michelin Star chef named his pioneered cuisine "Span"

"Cuz nobody expects it when the Span is in cuisine, son"

A Star Trek fan meets William Shatner.

"Wow. I can't believe I'm meeting you at Comic Corn."

"Actually, it's called Comic Con"

"Com?"

"Con."

"Cold?"

"Com!

"Cookie?"

"CONNNNNNNN!"

Can a ninja kill someone with a throwing star?

Shuriken.

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My mom and dad are stars on pornhub.

Can't wait to see their faces when they find out.

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If you're a porn star, always be a dickhead.

That's a pro tip.

My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as an inspiration when naming our kids.

His sister Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.

What’s a stoners favorite Star Wars movie?

The Hempire Strikes Back

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I asked my wife to dress as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

I thought I saw a shooting star but turns out it was dust on the telescope...

Turns out it was a meteor-wrong!

Can you tell me another name for a ninja star?

Sure I can.

Have you heard about the social media stars who are coughing and sick?

They're Instagram Influenzas

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My girlfriend's a porn star

And she's going to be really pissed when she finds out

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My girlfriend always takes really long showers after watching movies starring chris pratt

I dont know what shes doing in there but it gives me plenty of time to jerk off to chris pratt

I thought I would hate starring in a bukkake film,

but those guys really rubbed off on me.

Do you know what it's called when you see the sun, the moon and the stars all at the same time?

Really good acid

The police are looking for two stars of the school play who went missing.

They don’t have any leads.

If I had to rate our solar system

I’d give it one star

I just spent $100 on a limited edition DVD of Star Trek 2

Turns out the seller was a Kahn man

I was lying in my bed, staring at the stars.

I wondered, “Where the frick is my ceiling?”

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What do you call a blind male porn star?

I'd have thought the answer would be obvious.




Stiffy Wonder.

My grandmother's star sign is Cancer, and last week she was sadly diagnosed with...

Crabs...

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What do you get when you cross Google and a porn star?

Just a fucking know it all.

What's the best thing about memes of All Star?

They don't stop coming.

“The Irishman” stars Italian actors and I think I know why...

...the Irish actors were too hungover to make it to set on time.

[Short Joke] Why is the Star Lord so reckless?

Because he has no Ego

All the movies I watch have 3.14 stars

They're all pi-rated

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip.

After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes." replies Watson.

"And what do yo...

Why does Star Platinum make the best psychic?

He can sense people’s oras.

A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant.

When their food arrived, the husband said: “Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!”

His wife reminded him: “Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!”

Her husband replied: “That’s at home, my dear. Here the chef knows how to cook…”

I learned that Chernobyl Nuclear Plant has a 4.1 star rating on Google.

Apparently it would be more, but people ran out of fingers.

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What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?

They both boldly go where no man has gone before, searching around Uranus for Klingons.

My girlfriend is like a star.

Far away and dying.

Why didn’t aliens visit our Solar system yet?

Because they saw the reviews and it only had one star.

An Australian was taking his girlfriend out for a night of passion under the stars.....

....when she was stung between the legs by a giant hornet. In a panic he wasn’t sure what to do so he rang the Australian Emergency Medical Helpline.... “Hello, I’m takin’ me Shiela out for a romantic night of camping and she’s just been stung by a hornet on her privates...and it’s all swollen and ...

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What do porn-stars and criminals have in common?

They very rarely come quietly

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My porn star friend passed away the other day and as a show of respect, we scattered his ashes...

...all over his wife's face.

What do you call an ill social media star?

An Influenzer

My Star Wars obsessed son wouldn't stop asking for a car.

So I bought him a toy Yoda.

An old Man is in the big city the first time in his life for an doctors apointment.

He takes a taxi, a mercedes, to get to his appointment. The whole ride he bombards his driver the most stupid questions about live in the big city. The taxi driver gehts more and more irritated about the questions.

Finally the man asks: "What´s the star in the middle of your hood for?"
...

A mother and her daughter went to the doctor's office...

The mother asked her doctor to examine her daughter.

"She has been having some strange symptoms and I'm worried about her" the mother said.

The doctor examined the daughter carefully. Then he announced,"Madam, I believe your daughter is pregnant."

The mother gasped,"That's nonse...

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What do you call a porn that stars only girls with Down Syndrome?

XXX

Star Signs

The Doctor walks in,

Patient: Hey doc, whats the news?

Doctor: I was wondering what's your star sign?

Patient: Cancer, why?

Doctor: Funny that.

A star walks into a black hole

But the star doesn't seem to be fazed.

The black hole says, "Sir, I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation."

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Being a Male porn star is hard...

...there's a lot of stiff competition.

When it started raining my girlfriend couldn’t help starring intently through the window.

I didn’t care though i wasn’t going to let her in.

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What's the title of the porno starring Julius Caesar?

I saw, I conquered, I came

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Did you hear about the new Will Smith/Dwayne Johnson movie?

They play star-crossed lovers in the 1920s who are both struggling with a crisis of faith at their sexuality. The working title is:

"Dwayne Will Rock Smith's Johnson"

I heard a rumour there is a remake of Brokeback mountain in the works starring women

On the one hand im sick of all these remakes, on the other hand...
Will be lotion.

I googled the world's funniest joke

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes woke Watson up and said, "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see".
Watson said: "I see millions and millions of stars",
Holmes asked...

Has anyone seen the 1985 film Orion's Belt?

It wasn't that great, I give it 3 stars.

How different military branches use stars

The Army sleeps under the stars

The Navy navigates by the stars

And the Airforce choose hotels by the stars

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A dude walks into a restaurant and says,

"Where's the fucking manager you cock-sucker?"

The host is surprised and replies, "Excuse me, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the dude asks, "Are you the fucking manager of thi...

Whaddya use to decide whether to host a Star Trek poetry event?

A list of prose in Khans.

An antelope and a lion are star crossed lovers

One day, the antelope decides they should take it to the next level

Antelope: let's run away and get married, Lion!

Lion: I cantaloupe

Once there was a lion and a monkey.

The monkey said, “I can make the weather change.” And the lion said, “No, you can’t.”

So the monkey started climbing up the tree. And then he started peeing on the lion’s head. “Now it’s raining!” Then he started farting. “Now there’s thunder!” Then he started doo-dooing. “Now it’s snowing...

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What's the difference between an analyst and a porn star?

Beats me, but I applied for them both. Wish me luck!

My wife told me she was leaving me because she couldn’t live with me always making stupid Star Wars puns.

I said, “Divorce is strong with this one…”

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Why did Mike Rowe star in Dirty Jobs and not in porn?

Because he has a Mike Rowe penis.

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

In the original Star Wars Peter Mayhew once had to redo a scene because he missed his cue.

It was a Wookiee mistake

RIP Peter.

Did you hear about the Trekkie who was trying to pick up girls at a Star Wars convention?

He was looking for love in Alderaan places

I walked into the doctors office and he said "pick a star sign any star sign" I said umm Capricorn

He no you got Cancer

In Star Wars, what language is used to program droids?

JawaScript

What's a train's favorite Star Wars character?

Choochoobacca

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Sherlock and Watson go camping

They set up their tent and crawl inside. At about 3:00 in the morning Sherlock woke Watson up.

Sherlock: Watson look up. What do you see

Watson: Stars

Sherlock: And what do you think that means?

Watson: Well it makes me think that maybe...just maybe... with a universe tha...

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What does the universe's largest known star VY Canis Majoris & a Labia Majora have in common?

They both lead to black holes

Why did the restaurant on the moon only get a three star review?

The food was great but there was no atmosphere

A Star Wars story...

*In another dimension*

Darth Vader just killed Anakin.

Obi-Wan came in and said: 'Are you serious?'

Darth Vader replied: 'Nah man I'm just choking'

Did you ever realize that they never say Yoda's last name in any Star Wars movie?

Its Leyheehoo.

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A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn’t possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked, "Bubba, just what the hell is your secret?"

Bubba replies, "Well Coach, whenever I’m about to have sex, I always whip it
out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. This numbs it and I can screw
'em forever!"

The coach went home early one day, and went to the bedroom. He heard his wife
in the shower. Seeing a window of oppor...

A Star Trek forum exists where Trekkies can debate additions to the universe's lore.

It's called Prose and Khans.

If I had a star for every time r/Jokes brightened my day,

I'd have a galaxy in my hand.

What do you call a communist star?

A red giant.

You know Orion's Belt? Waist of space.

I know, I know, not a great joke Three stars.

Thanks to @mindofmarisa

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How did the male porn star describe the female porn star’s beauty?

He said she had the nicest face he ever came across.

An illiterate dad and his son who has a PhD in astrology went camping.

They unpacked and set up their tent. After dinner they went to sleep. A few hours later dad woke and was looking at the stars.

He woke his son up and asked him, "what do you see?"

He son said, "astronomically, it tells you that there are a lot of galaxies out there,"

His father...

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Have you heard about the porn parody crossover starring Castro and Bin Laden?

It's called In-Fidel

I'm launching a pirating website.

It has two games: a treasure hunting game called "X Marrrrrrks the Spot" and a naval warfare game called "Take No Prisonerrrrrrs." It also has lots of free movies you can download and watch.

All the movies have 3.14 stars.

An extremely bright star walks into a bar.

He shines so bright he nearly blinds everyone inside.

"Are you kidding?" The bartender asks in annoyance.

"No," The star replies. "I'm Sirius."

My wife says she's leaving me because of my 'Obsession with Star Wars'

I said 'Please don't go, honey. You're the Obi-Wan for me..............'

Who is the greatest Herbologist in all of the star wars universe?

Yoda, two green thumbs he has.

What language does Patrick Star speak

Leedle-ese

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