The 119+ Best Star Jokes

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[Nsfw] My wife FINALLY agreed to a Star Wars role play in the bedroom...

...The only catch was I had to be Obi Wan, because she always had a thing for Ewan McGregor.

"Of course!" I said, and got to work putting together the sexiest Obi Wan costume I could. I even managed to find Glow in the Dark condoms so I could impress her with my "lightsaber".

The nigh...

A girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters!

‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’
After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’
‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s ...

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I asked my girlfriend to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy roleplaying fun.

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

Why didn't Leia email Obi-Wan the Death-Star plans?

The Jedi Code forbids attachments.

Why is Texas called the Lone Star state?

Because you can’t leave a zero stars rating

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I once hooked up with a Japanese porn star...

...but it was a total blur.

If you’re dating someone who doesn’t enjoy Star Wars puns...

Then you’re looking in Alderaan places

My son Luke loves that I named my children after Star Wars characters.

My daughter, Chewbacca, not so much.

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A man walks by a 5 star restaurant and sees a sign on the window that says "piano player wanted"

He asks to speak to the manager, who he then tells he'd like to apply for the job. The manager brings him over to the piano to see what he's got. The man plays the most beautiful piece the manager has ever heard. He pulls out his handkerchief to wipe away a few tears.

Deeply moved, the manag...

My neighbors listen to Smash Mouth's All Star a lot.

Whether they like it or not.

Haven't seen the new Star Wars yet...

But everybody posting spoilers about how Princess Leia dies

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I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out.

But she pulled some strings and got me in.

The cast of Star Wars VII just finished their first read through (spoilers)

Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said "Can I have a word?"

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My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died

She was eaten by a giant crab

My friend asked me if the new Star Wars was in 3D...

... and I said, yes, but they R2D2.

Why is Empire Strikes Back the best Star Wars movie?

It's a perfect 5/7.

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My girlfriend is a porn star!

She's going to be really mad when she finds out.

EDIT: Will people stop asking me to post the source or a picture, this is a joke that it is why it is here instead of in mildlyinterestng.
The truth is my girlfriend tried to be a porn star but the producer said to her "come back in 5 ...

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?

In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.

A failed rapper, a failed rock star, and a mediocre country singer walk into a bar

He tells the bartender "anything but Budweiser."

A swastika has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame...

...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.

"Daddy, how do stars die?"

"Drugs, normally."

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I got a boner when I read that my favorite porn star died

I had mourning wood.

Why does a shooting star taste better than a comet?

It's a little meteor.

The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store.

But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new stars. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.

Can you kill someone with a throwing star?

Shuriken.

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My girlfriend is a porn star.

She will kill me if she finds out.

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A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn’t possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked, "Bubba, just what the hell is your secret?"

Bubba replies, "Well Coach, whenever I’m about to have sex, I always whip it
out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. This numbs it and I can screw
'em forever!"

The coach went home early one day, and went to the bedroom. He heard his wife
in the shower. Seeing a window of oppor...

What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray?

HDMI

Did you hear that Disney+ is making a crossover between Star Wars and Back to the Future where the time machine is half car and half person?

It’s called the Man-DeLorean.

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What's masturbation called in the star wars universe?

Hand Solo

A woman 14 days into her menstrual cycle starred in a Broadway play

She got a standing ovulation

Friend: do you know that one guy who just cant have a conversation without quoting star wars?

Me: well of course I know him, he is me

This barista at StarBucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee.

I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote "callthecops".

I didn't bother leaving a tip.

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What do politicians and porn stars have most in common?

They’re experts at switching positions in front of camera.

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Why don't porn stars get convicted of any crimes?

Because they can always get themselves off.

I was laying in bed last night looking up at the stars in the sky when I thought to myself

Where the hell is my ceiling.

Star wars joke

Han solo: Yoda are we going the right way?
Yoda: Off course we are

Peter Mayhew will be reprising his role as Chewbacca in the next Star Wars movie!

They said they wanted to cast the role to a veteran rather than a wookiee.

I asked a ninja “Can you show me one of those throwing stars?”

The ninja replied “Shuriken.”

Star Wars Episode 7-9 Titles Revealed

Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Sleeps For Five More Minutes

Star Wars Episode IX: The Force Is Late For Work

I'm the Brightest star in the Night sky. I'm not joking....

I'm Sirius.

3 dirty Star Wars jokes

1) Why was Han Solo suspicious when he finally got inside Princess Leia?

Because it was Luke warm

2) Why was Han Solo suspicious when he was eating Princess Leia?

Because she felt chewy

3) Did Han do the right thing when he confronted Leia about these?

No, that nig...

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My girlfriend's a porn star

And she's going to be really pissed when she finds out

My son (who is into astronomy) asked me “How do stars die?”

Being the intellectual I am I replied “Usually through an overdose”

Honey, you're like a white dwarf star...

Extremely hot, but not very bright.

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What would you call Mike Tyson if he was a villain in Star Wars?

A Tit Lord

What did Yoda say when he saw Star Wars in 4k?

>!HD … MI!<

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Guys are now sending dirty pics against a background of the night sky with star trails.

They're calling it schlong exposure photography

Why didn't Luke Skywalker want to visit the Death Star?

Because he didn't want death.

(My 5 year old made this joke up and he was very proud of himself. I told him I'd post it here for cheap and easy karma)

How did Mace die in Star Wars?

Through the Windu

My friend, who's star sign was cancer, died very ironically.

He was mauled by a giant crab.

Could somebody please tell the name of the 80's comedy based in a bar in Boston starring Ted Danson. I can't for the life of me remember it's name.

Cheers

Where do you keep your badge at a Star Trek convention?

On a Lanyard Nimoy

My wife said she would divorce me if I kept quoting Star Trek.

So I said, "Number Two, make it so!"

One of my books just had a four-star review!

The reviewer said "This book is \*\*\*\*"

What does Senator Lindsey Graham, Upcoming Game of Thrones Book "Dream of Spring" and Video Game Star Citizen have in common?

None of them are ever coming out!

You're welcome

Why can't crows star in a sitcom?

Everytime more than one is on set it turns into a 'murder' mystery.

My local KFC will be celebrating Star Wars day on May 4th with an Anakin special.

It’s an extra crispy chicken with no legs and only one wing.

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Have you heard the one about the President and the porn star?

No?

You should really watch something other than Fox News.

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What does a porn star do to stay calm on set?

Pictures everyone in their underwear.

TIL that after starring in 21 Kevin Spacey tried to play Blackjack professionally and lost all of his money.

Kept hitting on 17.

Happy Star Wars Day/Cinco de Mayo

Chewie today, Chuy tomorrow

My father is a 4-star General in the Army.

Which means he has mostly favourable reviews on TripAdvisor.

What's a computer's favorite pop star?

A Dell

Al Pacino is to star in a new movie about a man who wins the World Knitting Championships...

Its called 'Scarf Ace'.

What's the difference between an anorexic and a shooting star?

One's all skin and bones, and the other's a little meteor

I was arguing with a guy at a bar who said he was a big rock star in the 80’s

I didn’t believe him, but he was Adamant.

I dont enjoy Andor, but it has nothing to do with Star Wars...

...I'm just not a fan of conjunctions

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her cat in her arms.

"Hey, lady", yells Larry, "Throw me the cat!"
"No," she cries, "It's too far!"
"I play football. I can catch him!"

The smoke is pouring from the windows. The woman kisses her cat goodbye and tosses it down to the street.
Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward...

Can a ninja throw a star?

SHUR-HE-CAN

(from my 9 year old) What is the scariest planet in Star Wars?

Na-BOO!

My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as inspiration when naming my kids.

However, his sister Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.

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What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.

Credits: my bud

Star Wars Trivia: What is the internal Temperature of a TaunTaun?

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Luke-Warm

Black Friday sale on Star Wars Battlefront 2

Save up to $2160 by not buying it

My libertarian neighbor posted a newspaper ad selling his collection of Star Trek ships.

And here I thought he believed in free Enterprise.

"All right, for our new Disney+ miniseries, we need to make it a thoughtful, highly entertaining original series AND it needs to connect to an existing Star Wars property."

"... Would you settle for And/or?"

What did they find in the toilet in the star ship Enterprise?

The captain's log.

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My wife has the body of a porn star...

..which is kind of creepy and takes up a lot of room in the fridge.

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What's the difference between 5 Male porn stars and a joke?

Your mother can't take a joke.

A man walked into a Star Wars museum

...carrying an old rusted bucket by his side and demanded to know who was in charge.

"What can I help you with today, sir?" asked the confused curator.

"This here is an authentic piece of European history and once belonged to the King of England 1000 years ago."

"But," stutte...

My son has started an apprenticeship chef role at a Michelin starred Indian restaurant in London.

On his first day they showed him how to make the perfect Indian flat bread. He said he can't tell me the recipe though.

Apparently he had to sign a naan disclosure agreement.

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After a long day, I like to lie down on my bed, look up at the stars and think to myself:

Where the fuck has the roof gone?

Chuck Norris plays a very important role in star wars

he's the force.

I want to open a Star Wars themed cafe that caters to people who are obsessed with bubble tea.

I am going to call it Boba Fetish.

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Boy: Dad how come there are no Jews, Christians or Muslims in Star Trek?

Dad: Cause it's the future son

My belongings are like stars

I never put them in place, but I known where they are.

Have you heard about the new Star Trek Christmas movie?

It’s The Wreath of Khan

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Did you hear about the porn star’s favorite classic novel?

It’s entitled “Catch Her In The Eye.”

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What’s a porn stars favorite drink?

7up in cider

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pro...

So my friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favourite Star Wars character

You should've seen the Luke on her face.

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What would Bill gates's porn star name be?

Microsoft

For Star Trek fans. A Romulan man, a Ferengi businessman, a ravishing Human woman and a homely Bajoran are sharing a compartment on an old train as it makes its way through the mountains.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Ferengi is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The Bajoran thinks "I bet that dirty...

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What's the name of Greece's most famous porn star?

Testicles.

What did the star get when it came in last place?

A constellation prize

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Did you hear what they said about the thalidomide porn star?

He had an arm like a babies cock

I listened to All Star so many times it gave me tinnitus.

Now, my ears start humming and they don't stop humming.

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I Was Briefly A Porn Star

I just never made it big.

My friend hates it when he sees the Star of David everywhere, but he claims he's not racist

Just anti-semiotic

I think I need a new doctor. Mine can't even get my star sign right.

I'm a sagittarius, but he said I have cancer

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A QUEEN and a famous porn star died on the same day

when they fronted up to St Peter he told them there was only one space left for that day, and they’d have to argue their respective cases.The horizontal humper ripped off her top and said, “These are the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I’m sure it will please him greatly to be able to gaz...

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Male Porn star.

How can you tell a male porn star at a petrol station.?

He pulls the nozzle out just before the tank is full and sprays the last bit over the windscreen and bonnet.

I want to find a girlfriend who's into Star Wars

I've been looking for love in Alderaan places.

After watching Star Wars with my son for the first time today, he looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, why was R2D2 so dirty?"

Puzzled, I asked him what he meant.

He replied, "Well, they had to bleep out every word he said!"

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Porn stars are poorer than we think.

When is the last time you saw one able to even afford a pizza?

A media star's career will remain stable as long as they haven't done anything horrible. The star's career will collapse if at any point the weight of all the horrible things they have done overcomes the support of the public's positive perception of them and their importance as a cultural icon.

This is known as "Ellen Degeneracy pressure."

A politician dies...

...and ends up at the pearly gates. St. Peter looks at him and finds his name in his book.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes. Is there a problem?"

"Oh no, there is no problem. But we have a policy for people in your profession, you have to spend a day each in heaven and he...

A man stands over the coffin of his deceased wife. "Her star sign was cancer you know" he says. " I guess it's ironic..."

"That she was killed by a giant crab."

The wise sensei kicked his star pupil in the mouth when he heard him bragging about how he had conquered every foe without ever losing a match. What did the wise sensei teach his beloved pupil?

The taste of “dafeet”

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My girlfriend said my dick reminded her of a star. I asked, "Because it's hot and brightens your day?"

She replied, "No, because it's a white dwarf."

Q. Why does this Star Trek uniform stink?

A. William Shatner

What Star Wars charactor likes orange juice the most?

Emperor Pulpatine

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What makes blind porn stars special?

They never see it cumming.

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How is Star Wars like a penis?

Luke and Leia are force kin.

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I can never tell if an old porn star is retired...(NSFW)

Or if they just quit their fucking job.

Hey, did you hear about the Star Wars fanatic who's been stealing autograph books and photo albums from other fans at conventions?

They call him the fan-tome menace.

French Star Wars fans have something to look forward to every week....

Each Thursday is the Return of the Jeudi.

Why was there a Covid-19 outbreak on the Death Star?

'Cos the Stormtroopers missed their shots.

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