Why haven't Aliens visited our Solar System yet? ...

They looked at the reviews...
Only 1 star.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I asked my wife to dress up as my favorite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun.

I walked into the bedroom, and I was shocked!

"Honey, Jabba the Hut is not my favorite Star Wars character" I said.

"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed you asshole!"

So I walked into he doctor’s office

He said : “Pick a star sign any star sign.”

I said : “Capricorn”

And he said : “Nah you got cancer”

Orion's Belt, what a waist of space.

Terrible joke, only 3 stars.

What do you call a pop star with giant nipples?

Areola Grande

I hear the new Star was movie will include a Hispanic Jedi Knight.

I can't wait to see Obi Juan Kenobi make his first on-screen appearance.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn’t possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked, "Bubba, just what the hell is your secret?"

Bubba replies, "Well Coach, whenever I’m about to have sex, I always whip it
out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. This numbs it and I can screw
'em forever!"

The coach went home early one day, and went to the bedroom. He heard his wife
in the shower. Seeing a window of oppor...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

All of my sexual escapades are like a big budget Star Wars movie

Solo

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the porn star say to her coworker, The Invisible Man?

"Well... I did not see that coming."

sorry if it's a repost, but I've never seen it and I gave myself a chuckle coming up with it.

My girlfriend is the star of the local police department’s bomb squad.

When asked what is her secret to such skilled techniques, she responded:

“Plenty of practice every night with a short fuse and explosions that go off early.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My colleagues thought it would be good to each wear a shirt representing our star sign for our ‘make a wish foundation’ fundraiser

Now I’m here wearing the word CANCER across my chest and feel a right knob

The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage

She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns.

​

I look at therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"

​

​

What the relationship between two stars?

Solmates.

Can a ninja throw stars

SHUR-HE-CAN

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Honest Confession

This is long, have patience and read it without skipping to the end! :D

A confession in a Facebook page read :

"My sister is a hottie."

Wow... okay, I wasn't sure if I was ever going to tell anyone about this, but it's late and I am sleep deprived so I guess I'll write it now an...

Star gazing isn’t very fun

I’ve been doing it all afternoon and now I can’t see

My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died

She was eaten by a giant crab

What do stars and false teeth have in common?

They both come out at night.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I've started online dating a porn star

I text her to meet up and maybe come back to mine for a little fun.

She said "Yeah sure, I'm working Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday so how about Friday?"

I'd prefer Monday...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call it when a porn star has sex with a fan, for free.

Pro bono

For Star Trek fans: What did Scotty tell Kirk when The Enterprise flew over western England?

"Thar be Wales here!"

I can only have one beer when watching Star Wars.

Only one Peroni.

My astronomy loving son asked me “how stars die?”

“Usually an overdose.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A girl walks into a tattoo parlor and explains that she's always wanted a tattoo of her favorite country music star on the inside of her thigh...

She's really conflicted though, because she can't decide between her two favorites, Conway Twitty or George Jones.

The tattoo artist offers a solution: he would do both Conway Twitty AND George Jones, one on each thigh, for only $200 with a free money-back guarantee...if she doesn't like his...

After watching "A Star is Born", a little girl asks her dad...

“Dad, how do stars die?”

​

“Usually because of an overdose.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the ghost that tried out to be a porn star?

She had really nice booooooooobs.

Why do things get built so fast in Finland?

Because as soon as they start it’s Finnish.

A bunch of nature television stars decide to have a barbecue.

Steve Irwin and Crocodile Dundee were talking. Crocodile Dundee asks, “Mate, there aren’t many people here, what’s everybody doing?” Steve Irwin says, “ Your washing plates and I’m setting the table.” Crocodile Dundee replies, “And who is that guy and what does he do?” Steve Irwin simply says, “Oh, ...

What do odd numbers and reality TV stars in common?

They literally can't even

Did you hear about that movie star that did hard drugs for an entire year to play an addict in a film?

He's a meth-head actor

Why does Patrick Star not have Reddit?

Because he lives under a rock

Pope gets a lesson

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy.

One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

The Pope comes by. He stops to ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three porn stars were getting drunk

And they started bragging to each other about their exploits


Porn star 1 said: “Girls, I’m easily the biggest whore in this bar. One time I fucked a soccer team. The whole team! Including the towel boy. And I did it by sneaking into the locker room, getting naked, and then just waiting fo...

As a kid, I once ate a Star Wars eraser...

It was a little Chewie.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A famous porn star died..

At the funeral, everyone came.

Batman and the Joker are in the retirement home together, working on crafts projects. Batman looks at Joker's cross-stitch of the night sky and asks, "Why'd you leave out the Dog Star?" Joker answers...

"Why sew Sirius?"

TIL that Hollywood is set to make a biopic about a famous classical composer, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be the star.

When interviewed about the project, he was quoted as saying "I'll be Bach"

Why were the star-crossed melons heartbroken?

Because they cantaloupe

I walked into the Doctors Surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign.

" "Capricorn." I replied.

​

"Yeah, right," he tutted. "As if I'm about to tell you that you have Capricorn. Try again."

Will I understand A Star Is Born?

If I haven't seen any of the other Bourne movies?

After watching Star Wars with my son for the first time today, he looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, why was R2D2 so dirty?"

Puzzled, I asked him what he meant.

He replied, "Well, they had to bleep out every word he said!"

Which Star Wars character is obsessed with cheese?

Boba Feta.

My daughter came from school all upbeat and confident telling me how the teacher told them that "Sky's the limit" and they should be "reaching for the stars".

So I installed skylight above her bed and told her to look up the glass ceiling.

I was watching Star Wars with my daughter and when she asked me why Luke climbed inside the Tauntaun, I replied that it was to keep warm. With a puzzled frown, she questioned how warm was it inside...

Knowingly, I told her, "Lukewarm."

I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention disguised as a Doctor.

The Security Guard suspected I was not the Real McCoy.

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?

Because in charge of sequence, Yoda was.

The heaviest things in the universe

3 - Neutron stars

2 - Black holes

1 - The collective weight of the people who thought this was a yo momma joke

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I went to a porn star reunion yesterday.

It was nice to come across old faces again.

Do you think that old ninja could still knock someone out with a throwing star?

Shuriken

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Who is the most appropriately named Asian porn star who specialises in rough anal?

Lee King Rim

I found out I was colorblind by watching Star Wars

I couldn't see the green screen

Just found out Chuck Norris had a cameo in Star Wars...

he played The Force

I feel really bad for the stars sometimes.

They all have such a low rating.

The star attraction at my local aquarium has been repossessed.

Turns out it was a loan shark .

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I can predict your favorite movie with one simple trick..

This math test will determine your favorite movie.
Amazing!
This is pretty damn amazing. Mine turned out to be Gone With The Wind. Thats my favorite movie! I was surprised how this worked.
.
Be honest and dont look at the movie list till you have done the math!
.
Try this test and ...

I asked my wife to dress up as a bounty hunter from Star Wars

I have a Boba fettish

One night, as I was laying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself

“What the hell happened to the roof?”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was really disappointed when I came last in the astronomy competition, but they still gave me a map of the stars just for participating.

It was a constellation prize

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

F*ucking Cock

A Farmer buys a young Cock. As soon as it comes Home, it rushes & fucks all the 150 Hens. Farmer is impressed.

At lunch, the Cock again screws all 150 Hens,
Farmer gets tense now.

Next day, he finds Cock fucking the Ducks, Goose & Parrot too.

Later, he finds the Cock ...

What did the meditating Buddhist say to the Instagram star?

"Begone, thought!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Theres a star wars joke here if you wanna fucking read.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Jack

Jack who?

No no no , we can't go back to Jakku!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girlfriend is a porn star.

She will kill me if she finds out.

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself…

Where the f*ck is my roof?

People don’t realize that vandalizing Trumps Hollywood Star is a bad thing

It guarantees him the newest and shiniest star on the walk. Art of the the Deal

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.

Credits: my bud

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do politicians and porn stars have in common?

They're both experts at changing positions in front of a camera.

What do you call a Star Wars themed all you can eat restaurant?

Bo-buffet

What is the difference between a Star Wars action-figure collector who smokes e-cigarettes and a Catholic Priest?

One is a toy-loving vapist, and the other...

Why can’t astrologers find humor in the movements of stars and planets?

The real joke is in the comets

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Have you heard the one about the President and the porn star?

No?

You should really watch something other than Fox News.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

(NSFW) "At one point," boasted the ageing rock star, "I was having affairs simultaneously with Ms Estefan, Ms Gaynor and Ms Steinem!"

"Sounds like a good time!" replied the interviewer.

"Good? It was fucking Glorias!"

"Daddy, how do stars die?"

"Drugs, normally."

I wasn’t a fan of A Star Is Born

I found it a bit nebulous.

Patrick Stewart is talking about a new Stsr Trek show he will be in. There will be a disease or attack that wipes out all officers of a certain age, leaving Starfleet without any captains. So they bring in retired admirals to captain the ships.

It will be called "Geria-Trek."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the porn star that died recently?

Apparently she had developed a nut allergy.

I saw God write a review about our solar system a while ago

he didn’t explain why he gave it a one star tho

Why might a French Archeologist be interested in how old an NBA star is?

They might be studying LeBron’s age.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

After sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."

Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.

Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.

If you're ever lost in the woods, just look up at the sky for the North Star.

Its twinkling will comfort you as you die.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's a Star Wars fan's favorite sex position?

Hand Solo

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

After a long day at work, i decided to lay in bed and watch the stars. And then it's when it hit me

someone stole my fucking ceiling!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do porn star vaginas and the Gaza strip have in common

They've both been pummeled so hard that no child is going to crawl out alive

"Hey, can you help me sharpen these throwing stars?"

"Shuriken"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or go see Star Wars.

She said "I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out," but she pulled some strings and got me in.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a group of 12 male porn stars when they meet in a court room?

A hung jury

[spoilers] Roses are red, the sea's full of salt

Everyone's dead, It's all Star Lord's fault.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Star Wars fans don't smoke cigarettes after sex...

They chew 'bacca

I once was asked to star in a movie for a million dollars but I declined.

I don't have that much money.

The "Old Man" from Pawn Stars died yesterday

Rick wasn't sure he was dead so he called in an expert. Turns out he was dead.

Haven't seen the new Star Wars yet...

But everybody posting spoilers about how Princess Leia dies

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Wouldn't it be weird to see your friends star in commercials?

Frank was watching TV one night and saw his good friend Bob starring in a Viagra commercial. Frank thought Bob and him were pretty close, so he was surprised he hadn't heard about this before.

He calls to his wife in the other room and says, "Hey Susan, did you know Bob is in a Viagra commerc...

"Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star."

So I netflix and aim for the girl's collar bones.

A survey showed that England had the highest Star Wars fan base in the world...

I guess the fourth is really with them.