This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girlfriend's a porn star

And she's going to be really pissed when she finds out

My son (who is into astronomy) asked me “How do stars die?”

Being the intellectual I am I replied “Usually through an overdose”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I asked my wife to dress as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

Why haven't aliens come to our solar system?

They checked our reviews.

One star.

Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3?

Because in charge of direction, Yoda was.

In the original Star Wars Peter Mayhew once had to redo a scene because he missed his cue.

It was a Wookiee mistake

RIP Peter.

How did the Star Wars fan spend Valentine's Day?

Solo.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the indifferent porn star say when she lost her cat?

Eh, fuck my pussy.

In Star Wars, what language is used to program droids?

JawaScript

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How did the male porn star describe the female porn star’s beauty?

He said she had the nicest face he ever came across.

My wife says she's leaving me because of my 'Obsession with Star Wars'

I said 'Please don't go, honey. You're the Obi-Wan for me..............'

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A blind porn star died yesterday from being hit in the head by a glass dildo

She didnt see it cumming

Orion's Belt is a big waist of space.

Bad joke. Only three stars.

Once upon a time, a small boy named Bashir lived in a tiny Pakistani village.

Once upon a time, a small boy named Bashir lived in a tiny Pakistani village.

All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher, who always yelled at him saying "you are driving me crazy, Bashir".

One day his mother went to check how he was doing at school and the t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a startup male pornstar?

Up and coming.

I accidentally went to my first Star Trek convention dressed as Chewbacca.

Wookie mistake.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?

They both travel around Uranus searching for Klingons

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Pacific ocean has a rating of 3.5 stars on Google maps.

Who the fuck is downvoting the ocean?

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The cops told me they’d arrest me if I masturbated to any porn star that wasn’t Scottish, but I did it anyway

I got off Scot-free

Star Wars Trailer: No one is ever really gone...

"Meesa lead tha First Order to victory now, okietay?"

In the new Star Trek Picard series, how will Picard ask Dr Crusher to marry him?

"Engage!"

My friend said he discovered the brightest star in the night sky.

There is no way he could possibly B Sirius.

What did Yoda say about the musical theater production that he hated?

"LAME IS."

​

Happy Star Wars Day.

Arnold Schwarzenegger at the age of seventy one is to star in a new Terminator film later this year,

They have changed his catchphrase slightly though, to...

"Ah, me back."

My aunt’s star sign was cancer, so it was pretty ironic how she died...

She was eaten by a giant crab.

Last night I lay in my bed, looking at the stars an thought

where the hell is my roof?

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Say what you will about porn stars...

But they’re fucking professionals.

My friend: How excited are you for Star Wars Episode IX?

Me: Dude, my expectations are "Solo".

What do you call a female pop star with big nipples?

Areola Grande.

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I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out.

But she pulled some strings and got me in.

Everybody is all about "May the fourth be with you" because of Star Wars.

Meanwhile people with a lisp are complaining, "you bathtardth, we've been thayin it the thame way for yearth and nobody hath ever done thit for uth!!!!"

How are stars like false teeth?

They both come out at night!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call an Over powered Janitorial Storm Trooper at the Death Star?

A Super Duper Pooper Trooper.

What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake?

Bicarbonate of Yoda

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Honest Confession

This is long, have patience and read it without skipping to the end! :D

A confession in a Facebook page read :

"My sister is a hottie."

Wow... okay, I wasn't sure if I was ever going to tell anyone about this, but it's late and I am sleep deprived so I guess I'll write it now an...

Think of a dark future where humanity has to take to the stars because earth is no longer inhabitable.

That's unsettling

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A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn’t possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked, "Bubba, just what the hell is your secret?"

Bubba replies, "Well Coach, whenever I’m about to have sex, I always whip it
out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. This numbs it and I can screw
'em forever!"

The coach went home early one day, and went to the bedroom. He heard his wife
in the shower. Seeing a window of oppor...

My friend has an issue with the perfect inflection of the Star of David.

He's anti-symmetric.

The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage

She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns.

​

I look at therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"

​

​

Stellar black holes are formed by the collapse of a massive star.

Fingers crossed it's James Corden

If a scientist rewrote “The Fault In Our Stars” what would they name it?

The Fault In Our Tectonic Plates

So I walked into he doctor’s office

He said : “Pick a star sign any star sign.”

I said : “Capricorn”

And he said : “Nah you got cancer”

In Star Wars Episode I, we learn (spoilers)

That Anakin Skywalker has no father, the midichlorians caused his birth.

​

I guess his mom was forced into it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three porn stars were getting drunk

And they started bragging to each other about their exploits


Porn star 1 said: “Girls, I’m easily the biggest whore in this bar. One time I fucked a soccer team. The whole team! Including the towel boy. And I did it by sneaking into the locker room, getting naked, and then just waiting fo...

My girlfriend is the star goalie of her soccer team

She's a keeper

Cringey star wars joke

Just thought of a cringey star wars joke while being unable to sleep

Q- What was Hans Solo's response to Princess Leia when she asked where he had been all her life?

A- In Alderaan places

Girl, when I see stars I think of you

because you're only beautiful from far away

Star gazing isn’t very fun

I’ve been doing it all afternoon and now I can’t see

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

What the relationship between two stars?

Solmates.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the porn star say to her coworker, The Invisible Man?

"Well... I did not see that coming."

sorry if it's a repost, but I've never seen it and I gave myself a chuckle coming up with it.

I hear the new Star was movie will include a Hispanic Jedi Knight.

I can't wait to see Obi Juan Kenobi make his first on-screen appearance.

Aliens haven’t visited our solar system yet because we only have 1 star.

They’ll want to visit solar systems with 4 or 5 stars

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

All of my sexual escapades are like a big budget Star Wars movie

Solo

I just heard Paul Bettany is going to star in a standalone movie for the MCU which will begin filming later this year.

If the rumors are true, we're getting 2020 Vision.

Can a ninja throw stars

SHUR-HE-CAN

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The KKK recently announced that male Asian porn stars are welcome to join the Klan

As they too are a part of he supreme cockasian race

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My colleagues thought it would be good to each wear a shirt representing our star sign for our ‘make a wish foundation’ fundraiser

Now I’m here wearing the word CANCER across my chest and feel a right knob

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A girl walks into a tattoo parlor and explains that she's always wanted a tattoo of her favorite country music star on the inside of her thigh...

She's really conflicted though, because she can't decide between her two favorites, Conway Twitty or George Jones.

The tattoo artist offers a solution: he would do both Conway Twitty AND George Jones, one on each thigh, for only $200 with a free money-back guarantee...if she doesn't like his...

My girlfriend is the star of the local police department’s bomb squad.

When asked what is her secret to such skilled techniques, she responded:

“Plenty of practice every night with a short fuse and explosions that go off early.”

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
 

"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"


The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I co...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I've started online dating a porn star

I text her to meet up and maybe come back to mine for a little fun.

She said "Yeah sure, I'm working Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday so how about Friday?"

I'd prefer Monday...

Why do things get built so fast in Finland?

Because as soon as they start it’s Finnish.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call it when a porn star has sex with a fan, for free.

Pro bono

For Star Trek fans: What did Scotty tell Kirk when The Enterprise flew over western England?

"Thar be Wales here!"

Can you kill someone with a throwing star?

Shuriken.

A bunch of nature television stars decide to have a barbecue.

Steve Irwin and Crocodile Dundee were talking. Crocodile Dundee asks, “Mate, there aren’t many people here, what’s everybody doing?” Steve Irwin says, “ Your washing plates and I’m setting the table.” Crocodile Dundee replies, “And who is that guy and what does he do?” Steve Irwin simply says, “Oh, ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A famous porn star died..

At the funeral, everyone came.

The heaviest things in the universe

3 - Neutron stars

2 - Black holes

1 - The collective weight of the people who thought this was a yo momma joke

I can only have one beer when watching Star Wars.

Only one Peroni.

As a kid, I once ate a Star Wars eraser...

It was a little Chewie.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the ghost that tried out to be a porn star?

She had really nice booooooooobs.

Batman and the Joker are in the retirement home together, working on crafts projects. Batman looks at Joker's cross-stitch of the night sky and asks, "Why'd you leave out the Dog Star?" Joker answers...

"Why sew Sirius?"

What do odd numbers and reality TV stars in common?

They literally can't even

Which Star Wars character is obsessed with cheese?

Boba Feta.

Did you hear about that movie star that did hard drugs for an entire year to play an addict in a film?

He's a meth-head actor

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I can predict your favorite movie with one simple trick..

This math test will determine your favorite movie.
Amazing!
This is pretty damn amazing. Mine turned out to be Gone With The Wind. Thats my favorite movie! I was surprised how this worked.
.
Be honest and dont look at the movie list till you have done the math!
.
Try this test and ...

Will I understand A Star Is Born?

If I haven't seen any of the other Bourne movies?

I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention disguised as a Doctor.

The Security Guard suspected I was not the Real McCoy.

After watching Star Wars with my son for the first time today, he looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, why was R2D2 so dirty?"

Puzzled, I asked him what he meant.

He replied, "Well, they had to bleep out every word he said!"

Why were the star-crossed melons heartbroken?

Because they cantaloupe

Why does Patrick Star not have Reddit?

Because he lives under a rock

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I went to a porn star reunion yesterday.

It was nice to come across old faces again.

I walked into the Doctors Surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign.

" "Capricorn." I replied.

​

"Yeah, right," he tutted. "As if I'm about to tell you that you have Capricorn. Try again."

I was watching Star Wars with my daughter and when she asked me why Luke climbed inside the Tauntaun, I replied that it was to keep warm. With a puzzled frown, she questioned how warm was it inside...

Knowingly, I told her, "Lukewarm."

My daughter came from school all upbeat and confident telling me how the teacher told them that "Sky's the limit" and they should be "reaching for the stars".

So I installed skylight above her bed and told her to look up the glass ceiling.

TIL that Hollywood is set to make a biopic about a famous classical composer, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be the star.

When interviewed about the project, he was quoted as saying "I'll be Bach"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on it.

In order the figures were:

1) A Woman. 2) A Donkey. 3) A Shovel. 4) A Fish. 5) A Star of David.

After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were several thousands of years old but even so they revealed a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

F*ucking Cock

A Farmer buys a young Cock. As soon as it comes Home, it rushes & fucks all the 150 Hens. Farmer is impressed.

At lunch, the Cock again screws all 150 Hens,
Farmer gets tense now.

Next day, he finds Cock fucking the Ducks, Goose & Parrot too.

Later, he finds the Cock ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

After sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."

Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.

Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Have you heard the one about the President and the porn star?

No?

You should really watch something other than Fox News.

Just found out Chuck Norris had a cameo in Star Wars...

he played The Force

Why did Star Wars episode 4,5,6 came before 1,2,3?

Because in charge of planning, Yoda was.

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