Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walk into a bar.

OH SNaP!

My mom loves me so much she thinks I'm made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, and carbon.

She's always calling me Au Ti S Ti C.

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a ...

There is a new Mexican cheese on the market called potassium sulfur monoxide...

Or just K-SO, for short.

Damn, are you gold, titanium, sulfur, titanium, carbon?

Because you look AU TI S TI C

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old joke popular with engineers and other neckbeards

A man dies and surprise! he finds himself in the sky and surrounded by clouds and in front of an old man who asks, ”Heaven or Hell?”

Guy goes, "what kind of question is that?" and the old man sighs and goes, “oh another one. Well allow me to show you and then you can make your decision ...

Why is a White House press statement like sulfuric acid?

They're both baseless and corrosive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chemist discovered a revolutionary new compound of technetium, sulfur, helium, and bismuth.

It got him tons of BiTcHeS.

Never leave Sulfuric Acid in a metal beaker

That's an oxidant waiting to happen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A politician dies and winds up standing in front of the pearly gates.

St. Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes, is that a problem?"

"Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and unfortunately you will have to spend a ...

How many periodic elements does it take to turn on a light?

Sulfur, Tungsten, Iodine, Technetium, and Hydrogen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man dies and goes to Hell.

In Hell, a demon welcomes him:

-Hey man, welcome to Hell, we got a pretty easy system here, we have three doors and you have to choose one room to spend eternity.

-Sounds good, says the man.

They approach the three doors on a hallway, the demon half opens one and tell the man ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An atheist dies and he sees a tunnel with a light at the end.

When he approaches the light, it transforms into a door labeled 'Hell'


The atheist opens the door and is at a beautiful beach. There are people that bathe in the sun, there's a cocktail bar and the sea is endless, blue and clear.

Among all this is a person with goat legs and horns...

In a chemistry class, the teacher asks a girl

- Mary, what is H2SO4?

- Oh god, this is so easy, why can't I remember, it's on the tip of my tongue.

Quickly, Johnny says:

- Then spit it out, that's sulfuric acid!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man suspects that his wife is cheating on him.

One day, he arrives home early from work, hoping to catch her in the act. He makes his way up to their 20th story apartment, and throws the door open with such force that the whole apartment shakes, and hears a gasp from his wife.

"Ah-ha!" He says, as he bolts into their bedroom, only to fin...

Why did Hydrogen hurt Iron?

Because he wanted to see him Sulfur.

A chemist walks into a bar...

He says to the bartender, "Tonight all drinks are on me!"

The bartender says to him, "you must've had a good day today, what happened?"

"I finally found a way to make a stable molecule from a barium atom, two sodium atoms, and a sulfur atom!" the chemist proudly replies.

"Wow," ...

A software salesman died and was greeted by St. Peter at the gate to heaven.

Upon examining the great book, St.Peter tells the salesman he has an equal number of good and bad things in his life’s history, so the choice of heaven or hell is his decision to make.

The salesman, hesitant to make such a momentous decision, asks if he can tour both places to assist him wit...

Two chemists walk into a bar

The first chemist tells the bartender "I'll have some H2O, please." The second chemist agrees: "I'll have some H2O also, please."

The second chemist died of aluminum, sulfur, and oxygen poisoning.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A murderer, a kleptomaniac, and a homosexual are standing before Peter at the Pearly Gates...

Just before Peter turns them away to burn for the rest of eternity. The murderer exclaims, "Holy Saint, give us another chance!"

Peter, in his mercy, thinks for a minute and decides, "Very well. I will send the three of you back to earth for a second chance, but the moment you commit your sin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

A man dies and is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. St. Peter says to the man, "There is really nothing extremely good nor bad about your life to determine your fate. You'll have to spend 24 hours in Heaven and in Hell, then choose where you wish to spend eternity."
The man thinks for a momen...

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