What do you call an acid with an attitude?


How many hits of acid do I need before I can change a light bulb?

Two. One to help me get the ladder and the other to distract all the spiders. Oh god - - there are SPIDERS everywhere!! And now they’re purple cows. With fangs. Only 8 more hours of blblblblblblblblbl.

Why does did the military use acid?

To neutralize the enemy base!

What is the acid of the periodic table?


My wife went into hospital last night after an acid attack, "Will I still be attractive?" She sobbed.

The doctor had a quick look, and said, "Sure, but you may have to have some facial reconstruction and wear a mask.... How does that sound to you?"

"Not good!" My wife replied, "The acid only hit me on my leg."

I’ve been informed that jokes about acids are a waste of time.

They say that basic jokes have a higher potential.

What did the acid say to the alkali?

All your base are belong to us.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks

They charged one - and let the other off.

What do you call a water foul on acid?

Peking duck.

if apple had named battery acid

it would probably be called "apple juice"

I first didn't buy it when the girl next door told me there were acid attacks in our neighborhood.

Then I saw her face, ...

My Mom said to stop drinking soda because it has acid in it.

I replied," Stop making such baseless accusations".

Don't insert citric acid into your body without medical supervision

you could get LemonAIDS

Throwing acid is wrong

... in some people's eyes

Why was the LSD addict fired from the chemistry lab?

He kept dropping acid.

Why do some people take formic acid to treat heartburn?

Because it is a type of ant-acid

What do you call a person who took 30 grams of acid?

An ambulance.

Why does the military stockpile hydrochloric acid?

To neutralize their enemy's strongest bases.

Sodium Chloride and Sulphuric Acid were arrested.

They were taken in for assault and battery.

One time, I took acid and saw all these lollipops coming out of the ground.

Then I chipped a tooth on a parking meter.

I'll never forget my dog's last words

"You've taken too much acid."

What sound does a fatty acid make when it sneezes?


What do you call two acids with an attitude?

An a-mean-o acid, but the sour-foul-ric acids are the worst.

For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.

Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted

What do you call a fish tripping on acid?

A *pHish!*


Why did the jar of weak acid go to the gym.

To become a buffer solution

Did you hear about the guy who is accused of attacking people with acid?

I think that these accusations are baseless.

Did you hear about the guy who's on trial for throwing acid at people?

The defense is claiming that it's a *base*less accusation.

If you take acid at a track meet...

is it a field trip?

I was on acid and I actually tasted colors.

Tasted a lot like paint.

What do you get when you combine an equally strong acid and base?

Net neutrality.

An acid and a base walk into a bar

The police later arrested the two for a salt.

What do you call a couple of amino acids hanging out?


I went to a Vietnamese soup shop and ordered their top-selling soup.

Me: Is this soup acidic?

Waitress: Yes, because it's pH0.

Why is a White House press statement like sulfuric acid?

They're both baseless and corrosive.

What do you get when you mix acid with bass?

The 90s

Some acids walked into the enemy base...

Threat Neutralized.

Why do people take acid at raves?

Because there's so much base.

Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth?

Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion.

Why did the acid perform poorly?

Because it didn't concentrate.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girlfriend doesn't want to drop acid with me.

She's acting like a basic bitch.

My friends are always tripping on acid

I don't understand why they can't just walk around it

There was a maniac in town earlier today threatening to splash passersby with acid.

Thankfully, police managed to neutralise him.

My Chemistry Professor told me that Hydrofluoric acid and Hydrochloric acid are the perfect buffer system.

Her accusations are baseless.

What did the amino acid say when he was asked the time?

It's threonine.

If I were to drop LSD at a dubstep concert....

Would the acid neutralize the bass?

Never leave Sulfuric Acid in a metal beaker

That's an oxidant waiting to happen.

21 One-Liners

1. I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves.

2. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.

3. My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant.

4. Don't let an extra chromosome get you down.

5. I ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Kids these days don't give a fuck about acid

They're all about that base.

Credit to /u/Assorted_Jellymemes

I'm struggling to think of a name for this new app that compares acid and mushrooms.

Sadly "Tripadvisor" is taken

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

They say acid is a gateway drug..

But good luck getting to the fridge when there's a fucking dragon guarding it!


The taste you can see!

What's a pirate's favorite amino acid?


A chemistry lab is a lot like a party...

Some people drop acid while others drop the base.

What do you call three brothers taking acid together?