Why did the military use acid?

To neutralize the enemy base.

What do you call an acid with an attitude?


A man gets electrocuted after throwing someone in a pool of acid.

He got charged with battery.

Throwing acid is wrong.

In some people's eyes.

what do Anti-vax kids and Acids have in common?

they don't go above 7

My Mom said to stop drinking soda because it has acid in it.

I replied," Stop making such baseless accusations".

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks

They charged one - and let the other off.

I’ve been informed that jokes about acids are a waste of time.

They say that basic jokes have a higher potential.

if apple had named battery acid

it would probably be called "apple juice"

What do you call someone who only drinks kosher Hydrochloric Acid?

Acidic Jew

How many hits of acid do I need before I can change a light bulb?

Two. One to help me get the ladder and the other to distract all the spiders. Oh god - - there are SPIDERS everywhere!! And now they’re purple cows. With fangs. Only 8 more hours of blblblblblblblblbl.

What is the acid of the periodic table?


Don't insert citric acid into your body without medical supervision

you could get LemonAIDS

My wife went into hospital last night after an acid attack, "Will I still be attractive?" She sobbed.

The doctor had a quick look, and said, "Sure, but you may have to have some facial reconstruction and wear a mask.... How does that sound to you?"

"Not good!" My wife replied, "The acid only hit me on my leg."

Why do some people take formic acid to treat heartburn?

Because it is a type of ant-acid

What did the acid say to the alkali?

All your base are belong to us.

I'll never forget my dog's last words

"You've taken too much acid."

Why was the LSD addict fired from the chemistry lab?

He kept dropping acid.

Sodium Chloride and Sulphuric Acid were arrested.

They were taken in for assault and battery.

What do you call a fish tripping on acid?

A *pHish!*


What do you call a person who took 30 grams of acid?

An ambulance.

One time, I took acid and saw all these lollipops coming out of the ground.

Then I chipped a tooth on a parking meter.

For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.

Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted

What sound does a fatty acid make when it sneezes?


What do you call two acids with an attitude?

An a-mean-o acid, but the sour-foul-ric acids are the worst.

Why did the jar of weak acid go to the gym.

To become a buffer solution

Did you hear about the guy who is accused of attacking people with acid?

I think that these accusations are baseless.

I was on acid and I actually tasted colors.

Tasted a lot like paint.

Did you hear about the guy who's on trial for throwing acid at people?

The defense is claiming that it's a *base*less accusation.

If you take acid at a track meet...

is it a field trip?

What do you get when you combine an equally strong acid and base?

Net neutrality.

An acid and a base walk into a bar

The police later arrested the two for a salt.

What do you call a couple of amino acids hanging out?


What do alka seltzer and formic acid have in common?

They are both ant acids.

Why is a White House press statement like sulfuric acid?

They're both baseless and corrosive.

What do you get when you mix acid with bass?

The 90s

I went to a Vietnamese soup shop and ordered their top-selling soup.

Me: Is this soup acidic?

Waitress: Yes, because it's pH0.

What do you call a tab of acid hidden in your phone?

The LSD card

*edit: parenthesis

Why do people take acid at raves?

Because there's so much base.

My friends are always tripping on acid

I don't understand why they can't just walk around it

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

Some acids walked into the enemy base...

Threat Neutralized.

Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth?

Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girlfriend doesn't want to drop acid with me.

She's acting like a basic bitch.

Why did the acid perform poorly?

Because it didn't concentrate.

There was a maniac in town earlier today threatening to splash passersby with acid.

Thankfully, police managed to neutralise him.

My Chemistry Professor told me that Hydrofluoric acid and Hydrochloric acid are the perfect buffer system.

Her accusations are baseless.

What did the amino acid say when he was asked the time?

It's threonine.

If I were to drop LSD at a dubstep concert....

Would the acid neutralize the bass?

Never leave Sulfuric Acid in a metal beaker

That's an oxidant waiting to happen.

21 One-Liners

1. I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves.

2. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.

3. My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant.

4. Don't let an extra chromosome get you down.

5. I ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Kids these days don't give a fuck about acid

They're all about that base.

Credit to /u/Assorted_Jellymemes

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

They say acid is a gateway drug..

But good luck getting to the fridge when there's a fucking dragon guarding it!

I'm struggling to think of a name for this new app that compares acid and mushrooms.

Sadly "Tripadvisor" is taken

What's a pirate's favorite amino acid?