Why did the military use acid?

To neutralize the enemy base.

When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...

He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.

My Mom said to stop drinking soda because it has acid in it.

I replied," Stop making such baseless accusations".

Throwing acid is wrong...

in some people’s eyes.

I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…

…but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant!

What do you call a serial killer on acid?

Jack the tripper

A policeman arrested 2 boys yesterday, one for drinking battery acid, the other for eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

what do Anti-vax kids and Acids have in common?

they don't go above 7

A man gets electrocuted after throwing someone in a pool of acid.

He got charged with battery.

I just got sulphurous acid in my eyes but I'm not alarmed.

And I'm certainly not going to see a doctor.

I’ve been informed that jokes about acids are a waste of time.

They say that basic jokes have a higher potential.

What does a ghost take when it has acid reflux?

Phan-tums.

What do you call someone who only drinks kosher Hydrochloric Acid?

Acidic Jew

How many hits of acid do I need before I can change a light bulb?

Two. One to help me get the ladder and the other to distract all the spiders. Oh god - - there are SPIDERS everywhere!! And now they’re purple cows. With fangs. Only 8 more hours of blblblblblblblblbl.

For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.

Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted

if apple had named battery acid

it would probably be called "apple juice"

What do you call a water foul on acid?

Peking duck.

What did the acid say to the alkali?

All your base are belong to us.

What is the acid of the periodic table?

IO4

Don't insert citric acid into your body without medical supervision

you could get LemonAIDS

My wife went into hospital last night after an acid attack, "Will I still be attractive?" She sobbed.

The doctor had a quick look, and said, "Sure, but you may have to have some facial reconstruction and wear a mask.... How does that sound to you?"

"Not good!" My wife replied, "The acid only hit me on my leg."

Why do some people take formic acid to treat heartburn?

Because it is a type of ant-acid

I'll never forget my dog's last words

"You've taken too much acid."

Sodium Chloride and Sulphuric Acid were arrested.

They were taken in for assault and battery.

What sound does a fatty acid make when it sneezes?

"A-COOH!"

What do you call two acids with an attitude?

An a-mean-o acid, but the sour-foul-ric acids are the worst.

What do you call a fish tripping on acid?

A *pHish!*

*;)*

I first didn't buy it when the girl next door told me there were acid attacks in our neighborhood.

Then I saw her face, ...

Why was the LSD addict fired from the chemistry lab?

He kept dropping acid.

Why did the jar of weak acid go to the gym.

To become a buffer solution

I was on acid and I actually tasted colors.

Tasted a lot like paint.

If you take acid at a track meet...

is it a field trip?

One time, I took acid and saw all these lollipops coming out of the ground.

Then I chipped a tooth on a parking meter.

Did you hear about the guy who is accused of attacking people with acid?

I think that these accusations are baseless.

Did you hear about the guy who's on trial for throwing acid at people?

The defense is claiming that it's a *base*less accusation.

What do you get when you combine an equally strong acid and base?

Net neutrality.

An acid and a base walk into a bar

The police later arrested the two for a salt.

Why do people take acid at raves?

Because there's so much base.

Some acids walked into the enemy base...

Threat Neutralized.

What do you call a couple of amino acids hanging out?

Residudes

What do you get when you mix acid with bass?

The 90s

Why is a White House press statement like sulfuric acid?

They're both baseless and corrosive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store...

...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.

They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big st...

I went to a Vietnamese soup shop and ordered their top-selling soup.

Me: Is this soup acidic?

Waitress: Yes, because it's pH0.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend doesn't want to drop acid with me.

She's acting like a basic bitch.

Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth?

Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion.

Why did the acid perform poorly?

Because it didn't concentrate.

There was a maniac in town earlier today threatening to splash passersby with acid.

Thankfully, police managed to neutralise him.

My friends are always tripping on acid

I don't understand why they can't just walk around it

21 One-Liners

1. I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves.

2. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.

3. My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant.



4. Don't let an extra chromosome get you down.

5. I ...

My Chemistry Professor told me that Hydrofluoric acid and Hydrochloric acid are the perfect buffer system.

Her accusations are baseless.

What did the amino acid say when he was asked the time?

It's threonine.

Whats another term for acid?

Its on the tip of my tongue...

Never leave Sulfuric Acid in a metal beaker

That's an oxidant waiting to happen.

If I were to drop LSD at a dubstep concert....

Would the acid neutralize the bass?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say acid is a gateway drug..

But good luck getting to the fridge when there's a fucking dragon guarding it!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kids these days don't give a fuck about acid

They're all about that base.

Credit to /u/Assorted_Jellymemes

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