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Gold Medal Jokes

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(True joke) In 1960, after winning his olympic gold medal, Muhammad Ali went to eat at a fancy downtown resteraunt.

When the waiter came over Ali asked for a cheeseburger.

Shocked to see a black man sitting in the resteraunt, the waiter announced "We don't serve Negroes".

Ali: "Well I don't eat them either, just give me my damn cheeseburger".

My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon 5 years ago, but still has not been awarded a gold medal.

China refuses to acknowledge Ty won.

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A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal.

Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're ...

24-year old Tai Jinhai came in first during the Beijing Marathon, but they gave the gold medal to the son of a prominent party official instead.

To this day, the Chinese government refuses to acknowledge Tai won.

Hear about the blonde who won a gold medal in the Olympics?

She had it bronzed.

Why does the Philippines only have one Olympic gold medal in thier history so far?

Cause there is no Olympic competition for karaoke.

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After , my wife told me I deserve a Gold Medal for my performance,

for breaking Usain Bolt's record and finishing under 10 seconds.

I thought I saw some pie and a gold medal. I was half correct.

Turns out it was a piece of cake.

Why has the pope never won a gold medal?

Because he always came in a little behind.

Its hilariously ironic that the first gold medal won was by the U.S...

For Shooting

Hear about the first Polish athlete to win an Olympic gold medal?

He was so proud, he had it bronzed.

If you were stranded on an island and could bring three items what would you bring?

Michael Phelps, a saddle, and stick with a gold medal on the end.

Why does Mexico never get gold medals in olympics?

Because all their swimmers, runners, and high jumpers are in USA.

Nesta Carter was asked how he felt after winning a gold medal alongside Usain Bolt.

"That was dope!"

Three surgeons are sitting in a bar...

... getting drunk and talking about the great successes in their careers. The first takes a shot and says, 'I had a a patient, a concert pianist. He severed all ten of his fingers in a freak cooking accident with a very sharp knife. I meticulously reattached them, and within a year, he played a conc...

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3 surgeons walk into a pub...

...The first claims to be the best surgeon of Texas: "the world's best piano player lost 7 fingers in an accident. I sewed them back on and yesterday, he played a private concert for the queen of England."

The second one answeres: "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and both legs in a...

Like most people I've been enjoying the Olympics...

I noticed that the USA have won 3/3 gold medals in shooting so far. It really goes to show that if you put in the work in school, you really can acheive anything.

A North Korean general is to undergo surgery

"His heart again?", asks the doctor

"No, chest expansion surgery, to make room for one more Gold medal"

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Bragging Doctors

Doc 1 bragged, "I had a patient once who blew out his ACL & MCL. I reconstructed his knee, and 2 years later he completed the Boston marathon."

Doc 2 replied, "That's nothing! I had a patient who was in a head-on collision with a truck. I reconstructed virtually all of his joints and more...

My buddy just got kicked out of his house. His wife was hinting at Valentine's day plans and asked him if he knew her favorite flower.

"Gold Medal All Purpose" apparently wasn't the answer.

Man and wife visit the super bull farm.

They are shown round the prize bulls. The manager shows them a great strapping beast.. this one is our gold medal bull he mates without fail every three days. The wife is impressed and nudges hubby.. nodding approvingly.
They move on and next the manager shows them the double gold medal bull. H...

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[Long]Three Toronto surgeons were playing golf together

and discussing surgeries they had performed..

 

One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Ontario. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident; 

I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.

 <...

Applying for jobs like...

**ENTRY LEVEL JOB OPENING:**

Hiring recent college grads

**REQUIREMENTS:**

5 years of experience, 6 Olympic gold medals, and superpowers.

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What is Celibacy?

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a marriage conference, Frank and his wife Ann heard the instructor declare "It is essential that husbands and wives know things that are important to their spouse. MEN. Can you name and describe your ...

My girlfriend bought me Olympian brand Condoms...

Before she left, I asked if she could buy the Gold Medal variant, she came back with the Silver Medal, saying; "I don't want you coming first this time"

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Three surgeons are chatting.

They start talking about which one of the three is the best at surgeries.

One said,

"I once performed a surgery on a man who lost all ten of his fingers. I put them all back on, and now he can play the hardest songs on the piano perfectly."

Then another said,

"Wow, that's...

Oscar

• Roses are red,

Violets are glorious,

Don't try to surprise

Oscar Pistorius


• She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.

• Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem.

• When Oscar Pistorius sai...

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An American wrestler prepares to face the Russian in the Olympics....

..... the americans coach is explaining to him to win the gold medal he must defeat the Russian. The Russia has never lost a match because he has a move called " The pretzel " every opponent trapped in the pretzel loses the match. So the wrestler and his coach devise an entire strategy devoted to av...

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You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

Sigmund Freud was an Olympic Gold Medalist

He took home the medal for Mental Gymnastics.
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