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Sports Jokes

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Three sports fans leave a bar...

(Insert teams A, B and C as you like. This is how I know it.)

Three baseball fans walk out of a bar. They turn a corner and see a pair of legs sticking out from behind a bush. They push the bush aside and find a woman dead and completely naked. They call the police and as they wait, they deci...

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58pm

He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he...

It’s a good thing our favorite sports drink was invented at University of Florida…

If it was developed at Florida State University, Gatorade might have been called Seminole Fluid instead.

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A lad was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 180mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 180, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thro...

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A man buys a new sports car.

He takes his wife out for a drive in the countryside and is enjoying the power of the new engine, his wife starts feeling frisky and takes off her top. "go faster, and I'll take more off" With a grin he stomps on the accelerator, this continues until she's butt naked and they're doing 150.

He...

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Sports of Choice

The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

The sport of choice for m...

Why are Canadians so good at sports?

They always bring their eh game

A sports car is driving in Amish country.

He skids on the road and crashes into a ditch. He gets out unharmed and looks at his car in dismay. A few minutes later an Amish man comes riding by in a horse and buggy. The Amish man stops and asks, "Would you like some help, English?". The man quickly says he would, and just as quickly the Am...

What brand of sports clothing do personal organizers wear?

Under Armoire

What time does Sean Connery usually play racket sports?

Ten-ish

What’s the best thing about transphobia?

It finally got people interested in women’s sports.

I’m ok with trans women competing in women’s sports

As long as I’m allowed to bet

A sports joke that can be changed to whatever your favorite sport rivalry is.

On the first day of school, a teacher tells her students that she is a Chargers fan.  She asks her students to raise their hands if they are a Chargers fan, too.  Everyone in the class raised their hand except one little girl.  The little girl said "I am a Raiders fan".

The teacher asked why ...

Why isn't Cinderella good at sports?

She runs away from the ball. Plus, her coach is a vegetable.

TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

Did you hear about the new sports illustrated swimsuit edition coming out?

It’s gonna be nuts.

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I bumped into an old school friend today

I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.

Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."

He said...

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Does sex count?

Doctor: “Do you do sports?”
Patient: “Does sex count?”
Doctor: “Yes.”
Patient: “Then no.”

Do you do any sports?

- Yes, I do CrossFit
- CrossFit? what’s CrossFit?
- I cross my fingers and hope the clothes fit

In which sports do waiters do really well?

Tennis. They are trained to serve well.

Sports Enthusiasts

I got hired by my local baseball team to keep the players cool in the locker room. It was a difficult job because I'm not a fan.

Sports extends your age

Indeed Sports extends your age.
Went jogging today morning and felt like 90 years old

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Bragging About Sex

Three guys were sitting at the bar begin to brag about their sex life….

First guy said "You all have nothing on me. I come to the bar and bring home a different woman every night. Not only that but I drive a sports car into work everyday and have a 8 inch penis. I have slept with more than 1...

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Seen on X. Credit to @614clinton

An elderly man rear-ended a guy driving an expensive sports car.

Enraged, the guy hops out and confronts the old man.

"Look what you did to my car" he yells.
"You're going to give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!"

"Oh my" says the old man, "I don't hav...

I suck at sports events

It's a good way to make a quick buck.

What is Donald Trump’s favorite sports team?

The Dodgers

Did you know that University of Florida was not the first school to invent a hydrating sports drink with Gatorade?

Turns out Florida State couldn't make the marketing work for Seminole Fluid.

I saw a billboard the other day for a sports team called the Chicago Fire.

it made me wonder just how long it takes before you can name a team after a tragedy.

it'd be like naming a football team "the New York Jets."

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A spanish family goes to a sports store.

The son picks up a Germany T-shirt for soccer and says to his sister:

"I've decided I'm going to be a Germany fan and I want this T-shirt for my birthday."
The big sister reacts angrily and slaps him in the face.
"Are you stupid, go talk to mom about it."

So the little boy wit...

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What do a sports refree and a pornstar have in common?

Their living depends on blow job

What do you call a French sports car?

A Baguetti

A 17-year-old boy who works part-time at Pizza Hut drives up to park in front of the house in a beautiful Porsche.

Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.

“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad screamed in shock.
“I bought it today,” replied the teen calmly.
“With what money young man?” his mom demands. “We know how much a...

There’s such a gap between men’s and women’s sports.

The difference is nuts!

What's the Al-Qaeda's favourite sports team?

The New York Jets ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I just sports car being driven by a sheep wearing a swimsuit.

I think it was a lamb bikini

What do you call a sports competition between guys with erectile dysfunction?

The o-limp-dicks

My goal is to own a major sports franchise in Oklahoma

The team will take its name from Oklahoma's history as a "boom" state during the early years of settlement when people were rushing to get in. Our jerseys will say "OK Boomers".

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A gold one

Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50. Standing next to the cage the man asks, "I wonder why he is so cheap?" "Because I am defective," came the reply. "I've got no legs." A little surprised the man asked, "Well how do you stay on your perch?" The parrot draws him closer and whisp...

Johnny and Susie were playing naked, wondering why they have different “parts”

When Johnny got home he asked his mother why he had a stick and Susie had a hole. Johnny’s mother said “oh son, you have a Ferrari, and Susie has a garage; the time will come and you’ll park your Ferrari in her garage”

When Susie got home she asked her father why she had a hole and Johnny had...

You shouldn’t have an arsonist play sports.

I hear they’re always throwing matches.

Sports joke...

Two older gentlemen, Steve and Dave, strangers until they met at the Superbowl.

Dave notes the empty seat between the two.

Steve sighs. "...that was my wife's seat. We were season ticket holders and went to every game until she passed away."

Dave says, "I'm sorry to hear that....

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A shepherd is tending to his flock when a man in a sports car pulls up.

The man is wearing a fancy suit and says, "My! What a large herd of sheep you have here! I would like to make a wager with you. If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have, you give me one of them."

The shepherd is intrigued and agrees.

The fancy man gets on his phone and makes...

With so many sporting events being delayed or cancelled, one sports TV outlet decided to televise the 'World Origami Championships'

It's on paperview

I'm regularly asked to be a photomodel for sports magazines, man's health, dietary topics etc.

I'm the guy in the "before" pictures.

Hooters

Two men grow up together as friends. After college, one moves to Ohio, and the other moves to Colorado. They agree to meet every 10 years in Florida to play some golf and catch up with each other.


At age 35 they meet, finish their round of golf, and head for lunch.


One asks, "...

What does George Lucas look for when rating a university’s sports program?

He makes sure there are two D2 teams.

Day 12 without sports.

Found a nice lady on the couch today, apparently she's my wife,she seems nice.

Blonde is pulled over by a blonde cop..

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?' she fi...

If the mafia ran a sports shop, what would it sell?

Protection racquets.

A sports store is showing off their new punching bags by having a contest to see who can hit them the hardest.

While everyone is waiting for their turn, St. Peter turns to a drunk and says, "I think I'm in the wrong joke."

The drunk replies, "Nope. Just the wrong punch line."

A minister and his friend in the congregation were fans of rival sports teams.

When they were due to play each other, the two made a gentleman's agreement not to pray for their team.

The minister's team ended up losing quite badly, and he decided to tease his friend about it from the pulpit on Sunday.

"My friends, you know that Doug and I back different teams. W...

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Why doesn't Justin Bieber like Sports Authority?

Because he likes Dicks.

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