What do you call a lawyer who does karate?

Chop suey!

A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."

"A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from China."

The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy te...

I was standing at the bar of Terminal 3 in the International Airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer

I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Ju-Jitsu?" 

He says "No, why the f\*\*k would you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?" 

"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little prick."

What do you call an amputee learning karate?

Partial arts

I have a karate addiction

But I'm about to kick it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Japanese banks

The recent tsunami in Japan has badly affected the banking sector.

Origami bank has folded.

Sumo bank has gone belly up.

Bonsai bank has cut back some of its branches.

Karaoke bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.

Analysts report that there is some...

Whats the american version of a karate chop?

A Connecti Cut!

Two newspaper bosses are sent into a huge bank vault and find it stacked to the ceiling with piles of 24-karat bars. They can keep them for good, but only if they are able to diffuse a bomb first...

Editor 1: Thanks for the gold.

Editor 2: This blew up.

How does a computer learn karate?

With a punch card

Why did the straw learn karate?

There were too many tired people hitting the hay

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rich Yorkshire man is mourning the loss of his dog

He decides to memorialize it by getting a cast made of it. He goes to a jewelers and asks for a gold statue making of its likeness. The jeweler asks, "Do you want it 18 karat?" He replies, "No, I want it chewin a bone, you daft cunt!"

What did the karate master ask for when he was thirsty?

Waaataaaaaaaa!

I beat a black belt at karate.

My next challenger is a green sock.

"An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

"An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anniversary Gifts

A rich man and a poor man are talking about what they gave their wives for their respective anniversaries. The rich man says, "I got my wife a Mercedes and a three karat diamond ring." The poor man says, "Why did you get her both?" "Because if she doesn't like one she always has the other. What did ...

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On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

What do you call handicapped kids doing karate?

partial-arts

What do you call someone who threatens legal action against a karate dojo?

Chop suey

My brother is a Karate expert, a Chef and a Lawyer.

When he's not around, Dad now calls him "Chop Suey."

Danny kicked his way to the karate tournament title without throwing a single punch

Turns out he's a master of partial arts

What was the name of the movie about a baby goat that learns karate?

The Karate Kid

Netflix announced another karate kid spinoff, this time the dojo trains insufferable whiney entitled children.

It's called Cobra Caillou.

I asked a Black Belt if he liked karate

He said hi-Yah!

*My gf woke me up to tell me she came up with a joke and I'd figure I'd see the reception, thank you for your time*

What do you call a ginger kid who’s good at karate?

The Carroty Kid.

Russian karate kid be like:

Smirn on, Smirn off. Smirn on, Smirn off...

Solid gold toilet.

I walked in on a man using a solid gold toilet.

"How many karats is that, sir?"

"None, but there is a lot of corn."

I tried to reach karate to my neighbor's kid

He was enthusiastic for the first few days but quit before he could finish painting the fence.

What do you call an amputee trying to do karate?

Partial Arts.

Edit: It's been pointed out that the grammatical construction of this joke could have been better. How about: "What is it called when an amputee does karate? Partial Arts.

Edit edit: best follow up question: What's an amputee's favourite karate weapon? Nub chucks.

Karate Dog

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, “I need a good guard dog.”

And the clerk replied, “Sorry, we're all sold out. All...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the one about the giraffe who learned Karate?

He looked like a fucking idiot.

Why did the karate student wear brown shoes to the dojo?

He didn't have a black belt

I saw my old karate coach in his car yesterday

He drove a KIIIIAAA.

Did you hear about the karate champion who joined the army?

It was pretty bad. The first time he saluted, he almost killed himself!

My blackbelt karate teacher has honed his skill of painting high ranking military officials for years

Now he is a master of marshal arts.

I was really upset that I came in last at the karate competition yesterday.

I was kicking myself.

What do you get when you mix a pig and a karate master?

A porkchop.

A karate professional is shooting a movie scene

He fails the first take, to which the director remarks, "Aren't you a professional? "

"Yeah, but this is take one though. "

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I beat a chess grandmaster in only three moves

Turns out he's pretty shit at karate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In two weeks I Masters Ninjitsu, Karate, Judo...

And two other Japanese words.

I asked my karate instructor if I'd ever be able to do a dragon punch.

He said, "Suuuureyoucan!"

I know karate, kung fu, judo, juijitsu, taekwondo...

and a whole bunch of other words that describe skills I don't have.

Started teaching my son and his friends Karate...

I'm not qualified I just really enjoy kicking children.

What do you call a tree that does karate

Spruce Lee

It's not that I love karate

I just hate boards

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Karma

Back in the mid-1960s, in an English country pub, a man is sat quietly enjoying a pint of Timothy Taylor Landlord (an excellent English ale). All of a sudden, a bunch of noisy yobs come into the pub and order lager. The mouthiest of the bunch walks across to the man and says, "Oi! You're sitting in ...

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion yesterday in less than 5 moves.

Finally my high school karate classes came in useful.

A student at the karate convention asks a teacher where to stay.

They respond " At the Hyaaaatt ! "

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Karate Kid was about masturbation....

Wax on, Wacks off.

My neighbor's son was constantly being beaten at school, so she put him on Karate Classes

Now he is beaten both at Karate and at school

What do you call karate kid with high-end guitar amp?

Marshall artist

A karate instructor was arrested after leaving the store

He was charged with chop lifting

A Karate master teaches his students how to break a piece of wood

He points his finger to the center of the board and tells his students, "This is the punch line"

What do you call a lawyer with a black belt in karate?

A self defense attorney!

Someone was handing out certificates for a free Karate Lesson at the mall yesterday

He told me I could only Taek Won Do

My career as a karate instructor finally came to an end.

The parents found out I wasn't qualified and just enjoyed kicking children.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Karate

is the ancient Japanese art of getting people to buy lots of belts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Asian guy walks into a bar

He sits down at the the bar and start drinking a beer. The guy next to him ask: you know kung fu or karate or any or this shit? The asian guy replies: why you ask this, is because I chinese? The other guy replies no it’s because you’re drinking my fucking beer.

My wife says it's time I stop pretending to be The Karate Kid.

I had to put my foot down.

I hear that if you draw a really good portrait of Jason Segel you will instantly be proficient in Karate, Taekwondo, and Jiu Jitsu

I think it has something to do with becoming a master Marshall artist

Why do indie kids suck at karate?

They never got past the white belt.

So a young man comes to his first ever Karate lesson

He steps through the doors of the dojo and sees three groups being taught moves by an instructor

He is directed to the first line where one of the Sensei's is teaching them how to block a hit

The man quickly learns the move and advances to the second group, proud of his achievement
...

I've always been terrible at Karate, so my Sensei told me "Wax on, Wax off."

I'm now in burning pain, but my chest is *spotless.*

What does this have to do with Karate?

What's the difference between karate and judo?

Karate is a method of self defense and judo is what bagels are made of.

I used to think my Karate instructor was very wise.

However, yesterday my pregnant neighbour Mrs. Wong and her husband rushed to hospital.

When they came back today they had the baby with them so I figured I'd go say hi.

Strangest thing! The baby is Caucasian!

I couldn't believe my eyes, this whole time my instructor had been lyi...

Have you seen the new karate opera?

Critics are calling it sensei-tional.

Two men got into a fight at the bar...

As one throws a punch, the other asks “Do you know karate?” the other man responds “No”. “You don’t strike me as someone who would”

I was sitting at a bar last night

And this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.

I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu. He says no, WTF man!? Are you asking because I’m Chinese?

I said no, it’s because you’re drinking my beer.

A young couple's house gets burgled, so they decide to get a guard dog...

The wife goes to a pet shop and tells the owner "I'd like to see the toughest guard dog you've got!"

The owner answers "I've got just the dog for you!". He presents to her to a tiny chihuahua called Roxy.

"Sure he's cute, but can he really guard a home?" she asks skeptically.

"L...

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