While renovating my fence I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with silver, gold and platinum

The things you get by re-posting.

What does Eevee evolve into when you give it money?

Patreon

Your mom is so fat

Your mom is so fat that, a group of people started believing that your mom is actually flat.

[EDIT] OMG, thanks for the Platinum

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Six Lessons of Life

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Polish husband

A  Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. 
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. 

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circu...

I finally figured out what’s wrong with my brain.

On the left side, there is nothing right.

On the right side, there is nothing left.

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

A New Metal has been added to Chemistry

Name: Woman
Symbol: Wm
Atomic mass: Light when first found... tends to get heavier with time.


**PHYSICAL PROPERTIES**

- Boils at any time
- Can freeze at any time
- Melts if treated with love
- Very Bitter if Mishandled


**CHEMICAL PROPERTIES** ...

I saw a burglar on the CCTV of my elements shop. He was taking gold, iodine, carbon, uranium, platinum, and three bottles of nitric oxide. I said over the tannoy....

'Au, I C U! NO NO NO!'


I didn't mention the Fifth Element because it was so overpriced and overhyped.

A photon

A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks, “Can I help you with your luggage?” It replies, “I don’t have any, I’m traveling light.”

Set you Wifi password to 244466666

So you can say the password is 123456.

Most Precious Element

In school one day, the teacher decided that for science class she would teach about raw materials. She stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"


Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, becau...

(From my 8 y/o) What goes “Oooooooooooooooo”

A cow with no lips!



Edit: Silver! Thanks, my son will be stoked! After I explain to him what that even is 🤣

And Gold! You guys rock, he’ll love it!

Platinum!?! Wow 👌🏼💪🏼

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Stereotypes in real life

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair colour have to do with my worth as a human being?”

Flustered,...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman calls her mother distraught, “Mum, I’m thinking of getting a divorce!!”

“A divorce? Why?” her mum asked, in shock.

“Mum all he wants is ANAL SEX, I used to have a lovely little arsehole, small and tight; the size of a 5p coin. Now it’s the size of a 50p coin!!”.

The Mother replies, “Sweetie, you have a lovely Porsche, a platinum credit card, a villa in C...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Once upon a time...

A man was driving through a rural countryside when his car got a flat. The only building within miles was a monestary. He walked up the steps, knocked on the huge wooden doors, and explained his situation to the monks. The monks were more than helpful. They sent a message to the nearest road station...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Billy

So billy is in school and teacher asks the class "if you could be covered in anything what would it be?"

One student puts his hand up and says "gold miss, I could then buy a Lamborghini"

"Well done" says teacher

Another boy puts his hand up and says "platinum miss, it is worth m...

A man walks into a bar...

*[This joke is not a part of your premier package. To see this joke you must upgrade to our Platinum Plus Elite Tier.]*

A Pastor dies & gets to Heaven ...

He arrives at the pearly gates. Saint Peter is sitting high atop a chair at a podium greets him. "John H Smith, welcome to Heaven. We have seen your life's work. Here is a key to your mansion with 10 rooms, silver gilded windows & golden walls. 20 angels to help you with your daily lifesty...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Adult store

Bob started his first day at the adult store. Half way thru the day he felt comfortable and was absorbing everything the store owner is teaching him.

Then the store owner gets an emergency store and has to leave. He tells Bob "I have to leave do you want me to close the store or can you ha...

A young bride and groom to be

A young bride and groom to be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me" she asked the rather elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of thi...

New metals are added to chemistry

A new metal is added to chemistry:

• NAME

- Husband

• SYMBOL:

- Hb

• ATOMIC WEIGHT:

1. Light when found first
2. Tends to get heavier over the years with time

• PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Boils at any time with inlaws
2. Can...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 Guys go to hell...

...and are greeted by a charming looking gentleman at the gate. "Greetings," the man says "I'm Satan, welcome to hell!" to which the 3 men begin to back away in fear, but Satan approached them gently "Now now fellas, there's nothing to be scared of! I'm quite the reasonable guy! Come on I'll give yo...