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100m Jokes

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100m Dash

A girl says to her friend "The last time I had sex was like the 100 meter dash"
Her friend says "What, over in 6 seconds?"
"No, with 8 black men and a gun."

If you HAD to get rid of one race, which one would you get axe?

Personally for me it would be the 200m. It lacks the raw sprinting ability needed for the 100m, and the stamina needed for the 400m.

Scientists now believe that the success of the Olympics depends almost entirely on the 100m dash.

They call it the critical race theory.

What’s the difference between a police officer and a 100m sprinter

Sprinters rarely beat the black guys

Watching the olympic 100m is like witnessing a crime

You hear a gunshot and a second after you see 8 black guys running away.

Usain Bolt did the 100m in 9.63 seconds..

I can't do anything that quick!
It took me 10 seconds to watch him run it!

What's white and in the men's 100M final?

The lines.

I have mixed race parents, my dad prefers the 100m

and my mom is Hispanic

Having only ever competed in the 100m dash, what did the professional sprinter say after his first 200m race?

I've finally turned a corner in my career.

It’s okay to hate a race.

I, for example, hate 100m sprint!

A blonde is in a swimming competition.

She comes in dead last in the 100m breast stroke. After she climbs out of the pool, she walks over to the referee.

"I don't want to sound like a whiner," she says, "but I think the other swimmers were using their arms."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People say, hey man why should we trust you? What's your track record?

Well, I think my track record speaks for itself.

4x100m Relay - Last

110m Hurdles - Last

1500m - Last

100m - Second Last (suck shit Craig)

4000m - DNF (medical)

I'm not saying I'm racist, I'm just saying one race is better than another

The 100m dash is a lot better than the 400m. The 110m hurdles are also good

Blonde Swimmer

A blonde woman decides to enter her first ever swimming race. She contemplates which style of race to enter and thinks she has the best chance in the 100m breast stroke.

The day finally arrives and the blonde competes in the race. She finishes a long way last.

After the race, a reporte...

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Three women compete in a swim race.

There's a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde all lined up for the 100m breaststroke. On the starting pistol, the brunette and the redhead are off like a shot, but the blonde stays right where she is.

Hours after the race ends, someone goes to check on the pool and there's the blonde, redfaced ...

I hate all races

Especially the 100m dash. Its just awful!

I’m gonna go ahead and make a racist comment by saying..

I think the 400m relay is a better race than the 100m sprint.

I’m not racist, but some races are simply inherently more important than others.

For example, the presidential race is much more important than some 100m dash.

I used to be the fastest mathematician in my country.

Turns out most of them aren't very good at 100m sprints.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys are watching the Kentucky Derby.

One of the guys, Jeff, is there, bragging about how he has a really fast dog that can almost beat the horses. He bets everyone there 300$ that their pets can’t beat his dog in a race. The other guy, Steve, is wearing a trench coat. Steve walks up to Jeff and takes him up on the bet.

After the...

Self confidence boost didn't quite work so well

So me and my dad were talking about my school and he said:

"You're good at school but bad with self-confidence."

Me: "ok"

Dad: "Wayne Rooney was good at football (soccer for the Americans, I'm English) but bad at school

Stephen hawkings was good at being an astronomer bu...

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Then there was the Olympic Sprinter that tested positive for Viagra....

He tripped during the 100m Dash and won gold in the pole vault.

Who is faster?

Usain Bolt in the 100m finals or Ryan Lochte running through the airport to catch his flight out of Brazil?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

doping olympics [translated from an old Russian anecdote, 2007]

Good day! We are reporting live from our special Olympics. At our Olympics there's no doping control at all. Yes, you heard it right, sportsmen are NOT tested for doping. Absolutely. So...


- Finnish sportsman has jumped 27 meters. A very good result indeed for a chess player.

- 13 ...

Curiosity

I walk past a mental Asylum every day and yesterday as I neared I could hear them chanting "Seven..Seven..Seven." This continued as I walked along the wooden fence and I found myself looking for a gap to see what was going on. About 100m down the fence i spotted a hole where the knot had fallen out ...

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There was once these three students...

... and they were told to conduct an experiment of their choice. So the bought an elephant and put a cork in its ass and fed it non stop for 3 weeks. The idea was to see if it would all discharge at once. They had everything for the experiment ready: the hired a field had transport of the elephant b...

Back in the day.

So Chris was a leper. He was a rich man but never paid his taxes, so the king wanted to take his gold away. When the king arrived Chris tried to trick him. Chris told him to take his bow out into the rain and watch chris make a bullseye from 100m away. The king complied. When he was finished Chris ...

Jesus is on the cross and...

He shouts “Peter, Peter!”

Peter hears him from 200m away and starts making his way through the crowd and soldiers. At 150m a Roman soldier slashes his right arm off but Peter keeps going determined saying “I am coming master!”

Jesus shouts again “Peter, Peter!”

Peter, now with o...

Once upon a time, two race horses were born...

This is long, but worth it.

Their names were Herman and Berman and they were twins. Herman was born just slightly before Berman. Herman and Berman were colts of average work horses and were to work the fields everyday. One day Herman and Berman decide to have a race. Everyday at noon, the lu...

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