Champion Jokes

I havent seen him since 2005

I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.

Finally my high school karate classes came in useful.

RIP!

And then loses his title

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

Suddenly, the bar is as silent as a grave. A guy next to the blind man leans over and whispers

"Dude, be carefull. The barkeeper is blonde and an ex-soldier. The bouncer is also blonde and the reigning box champion of the city. And then there is Joe... he's just released from prison after he... read more

He’s now the pole vault champion of South Korea.

His scream was heard a mile away.

Gaseous Clay

8 foot down and 3 foot across.

and the keys to the county morgue.

It took him 8 minutes to pass me the salt...

At the undertakers, they were putting him into the coffin. They got his left leg in. That's when the trouble started...

Me Neither

After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, "You wanna hear a blonde joke?"


The person replies, "I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My frien... read more

Turns out, his moves were useless against a bat.

Stan owns Champion nails the company. Sales are well down. One night he meets an old friend in the local pub. (Its a nice old pub, with a lovely barmaid with a beautiful rack, and hops and things hanging everywhere). Anyway, Stan is telling his old friend - Chester, how things are not going well and... read more

He’s great at folding under pressure.

Irregular vowel movements

Farmers wife said, “200 times isn’t that wonderful dear,
“Maybe you oughta watch him, maybe he’ll show you how”.
Farmer said, “He’s a heck of a bull, but it wasn’t all with the same cow”

He was run over by a red lorry. Then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry

He was buried six feet down and three feet across.

A whistleblower.

And the world champion asks the dumb fellow if he’d like to play a game of chess to pass the time.

The dumb fellow politely denies saying he can’t compete with a world champion.

The world master insists. But the guy refuses.

The world master proposes to level the field by promis... read more

International hide and seek champion 1954

It was pretty bad. The first time he saluted, he almost killed himself!

By learning from your missed steaks.

Just makes you think, how low can you go?

It was a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.

When the judges went to hand him the prize, they said "Here's your check, mate."

Wait a minute...

Now everyone can say they took a hit from Tyson!

He’d always be known as an expeller now.

I told her I had to pull a few strings.

People from China refuse to acknowledge Ty won.

I'm still banned from Crufts.

His left hook.

2) I'm now banned from Crufts.

Vowel-halla

(My dad told me this one, not sure if it’s OG but hey it’s worth a shot)

A chess master wanted to go back to playing casual matches, he also invited his old friend who was from Australia to play at a local restaurant.

The man is surprised his friend is holding out amazingly well, and a... read more

I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

He won the no bell prize.

A cat-ass-trophy.

Cause I'd last 10 seconds inside you but I'd still brag about it for the rest of my life.

1981:

1. A British prince gets married

2. Liverpool wins the Champions League

3. The Pope dies

2005:

1. A British prince gets married

2. Liverpool wins the Champions League

3. The Pope dies

2018:

1. A British prince gets married

2... read more

"My ancestors are smiling at me, Imperial. Can you say the same about you?"

To which the Imperial responds:

>!"No, I've never met your ancestors, why would they smile at me?"!<

Because I consistently last 8 seconds riding a horned animal.

Apparently they've been given permission for their pre-match tradition of sacrificing a sheep, I'd like to see them progress given Celtic's pre-match tradition of sacrificing a Mars bar.

If you want to win, sometimes you got to take a whisk.

Do you want to be black, or white?

They realized it was just a huge waist of time.

He bought the tickets, but the damned fool forgot he was getting married that weekend. Anyone up for taking this off his hands?


The girl's name is Catherine and she's really lovely.

Preface: I’ve been sick in bed for 10 days with infectious mononucleosis or ‘mono’


So, Mom brought home some pie and she gave me a slice. I only had like half of it because it was making me nauseous so she decided to save it for me. But I guess Dad didn’t know that so he ate the rest of ... read more

Scherzer threw his glove out of the way and everybody started crowding the mound, jumping up and down with pure joy. Man the expressions on their faces were completely Bryceless!

Because cancer always wins.

I beat the raining champion.

3 elderly football fans walk into a church. The first is a Liverpool fan, the second is a Tottenham fan and the third is an England fan. As they walk through the doors a bellowing voice greets them from above. It’s God and he exclaims “Welcome! I don’t do this often, but every now and then I like to... read more

A married lady goes to her doctor for her annual checkup and everything is good. In her conversation at the end of all the tests and examination with the doctor she expressed a concern about her husband.

"As you know I raise champion golden retrievers and one evening I was making thier foo... read more

She's a world champion at dodgeball.

In my day, only the raining champion got an award, but nowadays everyone wants a precipitation trophy.

but I'm the world champion in false modesty.

He finds a stool at the bar, sits down and orders a beer.

After a few sips he beckons for the bartender and says, "Hey bartender, want to hear a blonde joke?"

The bartender says, "Sure, but before you do tell it, you should know there's a massive bodybuilding world champion sitting n... read more