When I had dinner with my parents at a restaurant, they argued over whether we should get french fries or mashed potatoes to go with the steak. They asked me whom I agreed with,

but I couldn't pick a side

When I was growing up I loved watching my dad at work whenever I got the chance to go with him.

He used to work in New York City and him and the people he worked for was this big electrical company. There were all electricians. Some of the funniest people I've ever met on the planet.

The one thing about all their jokes though is that they're a little too vulgar for not exactly the most...

When I was about 9 years old, my father forced me to go with him to the funeral of a friend of his, that I didn't know.

When we got there, I stayed in a corner, waiting for time to pass by. Then a man approached me and said, "Enjoy life boy, be happy because time flies. Look at me now.... I didn't enjoy it." He then passed his hand over my head and left.

My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to ...

I wanted to buy a Stephen King book the other day, but I had to buy a second one to go with it

Misery loves company.

I asked a friend if he wanted to go with me to count 18 wheelers on the interstate,

He seemed semi-interested.

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A man loves to duck hunt one night his wife asks to go with him the next day

He told her she could. The next morning he wakes up gets the dog, grabs the guns and the decoys and wakes her up. She looks at the clock, sees it’s 3:45 and tells him she’s going back to sleep. He says “you have 3 choices. You give me a BJ, you let me put it in your ass, or you’re going hunting. She...

My girlfriend kept begging me to go with her to her origami class she had been taking.

I kept resisting until one day, she gave me "that look".

I folded.

I got fired just for advising people to go with their gut

I don't know what the suicide hotline's problem is

This Man's Wife Wouldn't Let Him Go With His Friends. Then He Does This.

This Man's Wife Wouldn't Let Him Go
With His Friends. Then He Does This.

Four guys have been going on the same fishing trip for
many years.

A few days before the group's annual departure date,
John's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't
going. John's fishing buddi...

How far does a car go with square wheels?

Four blocks.

Little girl says to her mum, for Christmas I want a GI Joe to go with my Barbie.

Mum says I thought Barbie came with Ken, Little girl replies, no she fakes it with Ken:

What will happen if you play CS:GO with Putin?

He'll Russia.

Went to the seaside and didn't want to go with my friends on this long wooden platform...

But in the end I bowed to pier pressure.

Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!

Way fewer bars!!!

Yo dude, you wanna go with me to yoga?

NahMaStay

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"How'd the session go with your new therapist?"

"It was a waste of time. He just kept showing me pictures of my parents fighting."

An English gent was having a go with his lady

She decided she wanted to start mixing up in the bedroom. One night she looked at him dead in the eyes as they were banging and said "make love to me like you've never made love to me before!"

So he took his socks off.

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After a long and tough discussion, my wife and I decided to go with adoption.

Let the little shits be someone else's problem.

A man is traveling to the coast of South Western Asia, and he asks his friend if she wants to go with him. She says:

"Yemen, shore."

How far can this plane go with just one engine?

All the way to the crash site!

While discussing horror movies, my friend asked me who my favorite monster from film is.

Me: "Hmmm that's a tough one. I think I'd have to go with the vampire from Sesame Street."

Friend: "What!? He doesn't count."

Me: "Oh I assure you, he does."

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A general store owner needs some help in sales

So he hires a young farm hand, and explains to him on his first day- "Ya gotta understand the up sell kid" The kid shakes his head, listening intently.

"The next customer that comes in, I'll demonstrate how it's done okay?" again the kid nods.

Just then, a customer walks in, and asks w...

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My grandpa told me, "All you kids do these days is play video games."

"When I was your age", he continued, "my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, we didn't pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we pissed on him”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the M...

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There was a guy whose sexual fetish was being harshly sentenced in court, so he committed a crime and was arrested and went to court.

The Judge let him go with no charges, said he's not getting off that easy.

I don't like Muslin Afghans and think people should stone them.

A good stonewash can make muslin fabric softer and more flexible which is better suited for afghans and blankets in general, otherwise just go with a soft acrylic yarn.

An husband and wife are on a holiday in Jerusalem

Unfortunately, the husband dies of a heart attack during the holiday.

The person from the funeral company says to the wife "We have two options- we can bring his body back home to the US, but because of the flights et cetera, it will cost you an expensive $10,000. Or we can go with the nice, ...

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In Soviet Russia, an American spy tries to blend in.

George Keats had trained 20 years for this moment. He had mastered the Russian language in its native accent. He learned all of Russia's customs and social graces. He memorized Moscow streetmaps and knew every back-alley there was. He swore that he could even think like a Russian.

The big day...

Who knew what blondes know?

It was a typical night of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire:

Regis: “Barbara, you’ve done very well so far – $500,000 and one lifeline left — phone a friend.”

“The next question will give you the top prize of $1 million dollars,
if you get it right. But if you get it wrong, you will dr...

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OnlyFans’ bankers were going to pull out

If they want ‘em to stay in, looks like they’ll need to go with Plan B

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