Green Light Jokes

Don't look I'm changing!

The excited child was walking bit faster towards the crossing than the old lady. She then shouted, "Degree, wait for me!"
I was so amazed to hear such an unusual name. So to satisfy my curiousity, I walked closer to the woman and asked; "Ma, why do u call your grand child Degree?" The woman laugh... read more

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of 10 pork chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop.

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the bus schedule and sits on the bench when a bus arrives... read more

It really keeps me going.

The cabbie said no problem and starting speeding through the streets. We came up on a yellow light and instead of slowing down, he sped up and shot through the intersection.

I asked "Hey, should you slow down a bit?"

"Don't worry about it. All of my buddies drive this way."

We ... read more

He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove.

He decided he would set up a Christmas light display like he'd heard about others doing. It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventual... read more

And the passenger says, "whoa, what are you doing?! That was a red!"

The driver replies, "don't worry about it. My cousin, he does it all the time."

The passenger sits back until the driver blows through another red. He practically leaps out of his seat, "what are you doing?! You'll ge... read more

He is driving and we get to a red light and he goes right through it.

I said "didn't you see that red light?"

He said "yes I seen the red light, don't worry about them red lights. My uncle never stopped for red lights in his whole life. My uncle is the best driver in the world."
... read more

He gets a cab to reach his destination. During the ride he encounters a red light, however, the drider keeps driving. The man gets angy and tells the driver:" didnt you see the red light you moron!!". The driver replies:" dont worry im a professional". Later, they encounter another red light. This t... read more

A guy is driving along with his friend, and he goes right through a red light. His friend says, "What are you doing?", and he replies, "Never mind, will you? My brother drives like this."

He goes a little bit further, comes to another red light and goes right through it. "What are you doing?"... read more

The guy driving is running every red light. The other guy is starting to freak out and says, "Dude?! What the hell are you doing going through those red lights??" The guy driving says, "Its okay, my brother in law does it all the time." The passenger says, "Well its not okay with me, let me out up h... read more

"Oh C'mon! Give it a break! It's only ***Artifically*** Intelligent!"

"Aren't you afraid someone will crash into us?"

"Nah. Everyone in town knows me and they won't dare to cross their lights without checking for me."

Finally, he reaches a light which turns green. He suddenly stops.

The passenger asks him "I understand about the red light. Why sto... read more

Two guys are driving. Well, actually, only one is driving, the other is riding. Anyway, they're driving along, and they come to a red light. The driver blows right through it! The passenger says "What the hell, man?! That was a red light!" The driver waves him off, saying, "My brother drives like th... read more

They are waiting for the green light

A man is riding in a cab in Egypt, when the car comes to a red light. Instead of slowing down, the driver accelerates and blows right through the red light.

"What the hell are you doing?!", yells the man.

"Don't worry", answers the driver, pointing to his chest. "Egyptian driver here, ... read more

He hails a cab and is on his way. As the cab is approaching a red traffic light it isn’t slowing down. The cabbie runs the red light, and the man says

“You know you just ran a red light”?

The cabbie replies “I don’t believe in red lights and neither do any of my 10 taxi driving brothe... read more

A green light is go, yellow slow, and red stop. A green banana is wait, yellow go, and if it’s red, I’m not sure if you should touch it.

When I was in school, some professors noticed that the crows on campus were astoundingly intelligent. These crows recognized that when lights were green, cars could go and when they were red, cars would stop. Using this knowledge, the crows would put nuts on the crosswalk so that during a green ligh... read more

A man took a ny cab at night and the cab driver was speeding at exactly 100 mph and would not stop at red lights. Alarmed he asked the driver why and the driver said that it was a family business where they guaranteed the fastest service.

Oh ok..

So the man was shocked when at a green ... read more

He was very busy on the farm but said he had to run to town to pick up supplies and I should come along and we could catch up. The town was small enough that it had only one traffic light that we were approaching as the light was red. But my buddy just sped right through at about 50 mph without eve... read more

They are flying down the road, and the light turns yellow, then just flips red, but Jim-Bob runs right through. The reporter says, "That was close." Jim-Bob says, "That's the way my brother drives."

Another 200 yards down the street, the light is red, and cars are wating at the light. Jim-... read more

Some context: Abaran is a city in Armenia, and there's this stereotype about the "Abarantsi" (person from Abaran) who is supposed to be stupid and there's a bunch of jokes about it, kind of like blonde jokes (this is all for the sake of the joke, however, and we love and respect the people of Abaran... read more