Funny Story Jokes - 38 Hilarious Funny Story Jokes

A child funny story

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." ...

Funny story

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up", said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?", inquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the studen...

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Two guys at the airport each with black eyes

Notice each other.
First Guy: Hey, how did you get that black eye?

Second Guy: Funny story, I meant to ask the woman at the counter for 2 tickets to Pittsburgh, but a slip of the tongue and I said 2 pickets to tittsburgh and she socked me one! How about you?

First Guy: Same thing, ...

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Ten solders

Ten soldiers are camping in a forest, when two thieves try to steal from them and are caught. The soldiers tell them, "We have to kill you now but since we are in a good mood we'll let you go provided you can make us all laugh". The thieves agree and the first one begins telling a very funny story. ...

Funny Story

As the coals from our barbecue burned down...
... our hosts passed out marshmallows and long roasting forks. Just then, two fire trucks roared by, sirens blaring, lights flashing. They stopped at a house right down the block.

All twelve of us raced out of the back yard, down the street, ...

Not a joke, but a very funny story

I will never forget this story my percussion teacher, who is from the UK, told us in band class back in 2003.

In America, everyone knows when we say rubbers, we mean condoms. Well apparently, the British refer to erasers as rubbers, for good reason because erasers are indeed rubbery. But that...

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I got kicked out of a restaurant for having improper dress. Reminds me of a funny story.

An Afghan, an Albanian, and Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argintine, an Armenian, and Austrailian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese...

Funny Story

So yesterday I was arrested by some officer for aiding and abetting. I told him “You have to leave your moms personal life separate from your work.”

A fisherman’s wife gives birth to a healthy set of twins.

After some time, they notice that one boy always faces toward the ocean and the other always faces away. Even if the parents were to turn them, they would always reposition themselves. So the name the boys “Toward” and “Away” respectively. On the twins’ tenth birthday, the fisherman takes them on a ...

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An Arkansas farm boy decides to try his luck in the city.

He gathers up his few possessions, tells all his friends goodbye and buys a bus ticket to Little Rock.

A few months later, his friends are shocked to see him driving back into their little town in a new, shiny red Mustang convertible. They all rush to catch up to him as he parks in front of h...

One day the king was hosting a competition

He gave every contestant a piece of lined paper, specifically with ten lines. “Write whatever you want on the paper, if you make me laugh, you win a full chest of gold. However if I don’t laugh, you will be sentenced to death” He said.

The first person came and wrote a funny story, using up a...

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Well, funny story...

FOREWARNING: While the joke might seem antisemitic at first, it's not really. Read it all.

A jew has a son, and when he's 18 he asks him to go to Israel for a year. His son returns after a year, and claims he's no longer jewish. He's christian now.

The jew goes to his best friend (also...

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Two Jewish mothers are talking and one says

Two Jewish mothers are talking and one says, "I have some unsavory news. I sent my son to Israel to become a more faithful Jew, but he became Christian!"

The other mother replies, "Funny story! I sent my son there for the same reason, and he became a Christian as well!"

The two women, ...

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A couple's children get together to ask their him about the origin of their names.

"I suppose you're all old enough that we can tell you the real story. Each of you were named according to the circumstances surrounding your conception," the father said.

"What about me?" asked his first child.

"Well, Breckenridge, your father and I took our honeymoon to go skiing and ...

"Have you met Denise?"

"She's great, absolutely wonderful to talk with at events. Funny story, at her mother's request, her uncle got to name her and her brother. Oh, speak of the devil, here he is now! Have you met Denepthew?"

A trucker walks into a bar.

He sits at the bar and orders a beer, the bartender is a bit surprised to see the trucker. "Hey Bob, haven't seen you in a while, what have you been up to? "

Bob takes a swig of beer, "man that tastes good, haven't had a beer in 18 months, I have been in prison" he says.

"You, I can't ...

Translated from Russian. Three woman (American, French and Russian) are sharing their stories.

The first one says,

-- Once we got wed, I told my husband: "From now on, I quit cooking and cleaning". My husband left, and I don't see him for one day, two days, three days... On the fourth day he comes back with this amazing robot that is both cooking and cleaning for us while we make love....

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After Jesus cured the blind man...

Do you think he gave up masterbation? Or did he go up to Jesus again later like "So, funny story..."

A man goes to a kennel hoping to adopt two dogs

The employee there shows him two powerful looking dogs and one small, cute dog.

The man asks if it’s possible to have one powerful dog and the cute dog.

‘Unfortunately,’ says the employee, ‘the two powerful dogs are twins, so they can’t be separated. As they are completely i...

There is a man with a giant peach for a head walking down the street.

A man walks up to him and asks:

“Why do you have a giant peach as a head?”

The peach man replies,

“Funny story actually. I found a genie who gave me 3 wishes.

My first wish was to be rich, then a man came up to me and handed me a briefcase with millions of dollars.
...

A funny story written by some of my Chinese students, 10/11 years old. i hope it makes you laugh

The Foolish Farmer

A long time ago, there was a farmer who had never been to the city before. One day, he went to the supermarket in the city. He saw a rubber that was like a small car. He asked the seller, “Why is this car so small?”

The seller replied, “ Its not a c...

A company CEO always wants to put his employees in a good mood, so every morning he tells a funny story.

He is very shy though so he speaks over the intercom placed on his desk.

Every morning he tells the joke and a leaves the intercom on to hear the reaction.

No one says a word but after a good minute, everyone starts laughing. This happens every morning.

He is kind of confused b...

3 men arrived at the gates of heaven.

God said he would only allow them in if they had a funny story of how they died.

The first man was a window cleaner, working on the 14th floor of an apartment building. Suddenly, his scaffolding broke, and he fell. Luckily he was able to grab onto the windowsill of a 13th floor apartment. Bef...

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Three guys are standing at the heaven's gate...

...God is coming to the entrance, yawning.

> "Sorry guys, we're closed."

One guy replies:

> "Wait, what? But we're dead!"

God replies:

> "Doesn't matter. You know what? If you can tell me a funny story of how you died, I'll let you in."

The fi...

I didn't get this joke ? please help

A young man is sentenced to fifteen years
in prison. The warden
takes a liking to him and puts him in a cell
with a kindly oldtimer
so that he can be shown the ropes and not
get himself in trouble.

So the oldtimer teachs the youngster the
rules of the prison, what
to do, ...

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Gruesome deaths

Three men go to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter tells them that heaven is currently overloading, and only people who have had particularly gruesome or sad deaths may enter. He then proceeds to ask the first man how he died.

"Well, it's a really weird story. I came home from work early because...

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Two guys are sitting in a bar..

..one pukes a little on himself. "Oh no, my wife is going to kill me!"

"I know what to do" the other replied "you say, you went to the bathroom, another guy came out, puked on you and gave you 50$ for cleaning." "You just have to put 50$ bucks in your shirt pocket.

Say and done, the ma...

Two older businessmen bump into each other in Florida

Two older businessmen bump into each other in florida. "Marvin what are you doing here? I thought you were running that clothing store in queens." One says to the other. "Well, I did have that store for almost 25 years, but then one day a fire burnt the store completely. I thought to myself: do I re...

A cop pulls over a car during a traffic check

A cop pulls over a car during a traffic check and as he's asking the driver for his credentials, he spots three penguins sitting in the backseat.

"Sir, what are you doing with three penguins in your car?" asked the cop.

"That's a funny story." answered the man, "I won these off of a fr...

A man dies of a heart attack at 62 years old.

His widowed wife, after days of mourning, has to arrange the funeral service. She goes to the morgue and makes arrangements. During the detailing, she explains his last few wishes.

"He always told me, if he dies without disfigurement, he would like an open casket funeral so he would be rememb...

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A Russian one (slightly )

In fact it's not a joke, it's what we call 'baika' here, a funny story from someone's life. So here it goes

A company of friends goes to Finnland. They move into a cottage village and one of them has to take a after this really long way 'train - ferryboat - bus'. And it turns out to be ...

A guy is on the corner of the street waiting to hail a cab and he has a giant peach for a head...

Another man comes up to him and says "I'm sorry, I couldn't help but notice that you have a giant peach for a head; what's up with that?"

The man with a giant peach for a head responds "It's kind of a funny story actually."

He explains that on his last birthday a genie appeared to him ...

be careful what you wish for!

so this guy is walking down the street one day and he sees this other guy on the other side of the road with an orange for a head and hes like "whoa, oh my god that guy has an orange for a head!" so he goes over to him and he's like "hey man, you've got an orange for a head!" and the other guy nods...

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There are two men sitting on a plane next to each and they both have black eyes...

They begin talking and of course the black eyes come up. First man says " It's a funny story... I was going to buy my ticket and when i stepped up to the window, I saw the most beautiful blonde with the biggest rack I had ever seen. I got flustered and mixed my words up. I meant to say, I need one t...

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Two guys with black eyes

Two men sitting next to eachother on a plane notice that they both have black eyes, and they struck up a conversation.

" How did you get your black eye?" said the first man.

"Funny story," said the second man,"I was buying my ticket at the counter and the young lady selling the tickets...

A man reaches a river, and ponders how to cross.

He looks out, and sees that the river is far too wide to swim, lest he tire and drown. He would have tried making a raft, but there were no trees in sight, nor any other manner of building material. Stumped but determined, he decided to follow the river until he reached a point where the river narro...

A prisoner was cleaning the walls in his cell with a flannel...

...when the prisoner in the next cell asked if he can use it. "Sure," the first prisoner said and he gave him it. This struck up a conversation and the first prisoner asked, "So how did you end up in here mate?"

"Well," he replied, "It's a funny story. I was low on cash and saw a guy walking ...

A most interesting fellow

A man is walking down the street and runs into a rather strange looking fellow. He's wearing a dark hood obscuring much of his face, so he goes to investigate. He soon realizes that the hooded figure had no face at all.

"Excuse me, sir," the man asked the hooded figure, "do you mind taking o...

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