The 44+ Best Chuckle Jokes

I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."

"It’s pasture bedtime!”

My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, “Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I’ll be this August!” I chuckled, “Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers.

It’s now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won’t say where she got them!

1 minute chuckle

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table. Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back
to her.

"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and sh...

My wife stared at me in disbelief and cried, “You’re shirtless and also covered in… oil?!” I chuckled proudly, “Well, you’re always saying..."

"...I never glisten!"

She screamed, **"LISTEN!!** You never **listen!!"**

Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He's a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock...

Who's there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No idiot... Cows go moo!

My wife is fed up with me constantly posting jokes here, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?!" She shot back, "Whatever means necessary!!" I chuckled...

"No it doesn't!"

We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."

"Stairs don't talk!"

My wife asked, “Honey, do you think our kids are spoiled?” I chuckled and replied...

"No, I think most kids smell that way!"

As I was introducing my family to our new neighbors, the guy exclaimed, “Wow! Your wife and daughter look like twins!” I chuckled and said...

“Well, they *were* separated at birth!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Probably old, but I got it in email and it made me chuckle.

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her father cursed her heavily. "Where have ye been all this
time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why
didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother
through?""

The gir...

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The first time my girlfriend saw my penis she chuckled and said, who do you think you're going to satisfy with that thing?

"Me."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Maybe a chuckle

Next time your feeling down remember life is all about perspective.
I have a friend who has sex 2-3 times a day, reads two books a week yet every day he complains about how much he hates prison.

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A bit dated, but it gave me a chuckle nonetheless. (Blatantly stolen from a grandma email.)

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If...

My son asked me, "Is this pool safe for diving?" I chuckled and replied...

"It deep ends!"

“Do you really have to lick the knife?” she asked frowning. “Sorry, force of habit!” I chuckled. “Lots of people do it though, don’t they?”

“Yes, but not during surgery, doctor.”

Went to the doctor today and rasped, "There seems to be a few spoons and forks stuck in my throat." He chuckled, "It's not that serious but..."

"You'll need to have utensils taken out."

I made this one up myself. Hoping it gets at least a chuckle....

Q. Why do Covid-denying men make such poor lovers?

A. Because they're emaskulated.

My 8 year old claims to have just made this up and it made me chuckle. I hope you enjoy too. What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?

What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?

Burpees

An octopus slinks into a dark room with a gun in each arm.

He hears a soft chuckle coming from the corner. “You’re one short, my friend,” says the cat as he steps into view.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nuns at the pearly gates (not my joke, but it still makes me chuckle)

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. ”

St. Pe...

The cashier chuckled when he rang up my total.

I really wish he would stop laughing at me expense.

A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says: "Make me one with everything."

After a brief chuckle, the vendor makes the hot dog and gives it to the monk, saying "That will be $4 please". After the monk hands over a $10 bill, he finds himself waiting uncomfortably while the vendor does nothing except stare back at him.

Awkwardly the monk asks "What about my change?" ...

"I'm a socialist drinker!" The bartender chuckled and asked me, "Don't you mean social drinker?"

"No, I only drink when someone else is paying."

Maybe Jesus didn't like your chocolate?

So aliens come to earth and they're Sooo nice. There's a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance.

The Pope asks, "Do you know of Jesus Christ?"

The aliens say, "Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!"

The Pope excla...

Holding a gun in each tentacle, the octopus glared menacingly at the cat. The feline, however, chuckled and purred...

"You're one short, pal."

This will give 1 or 2% a chuckle...

Two milk cartons and a bottle of creamer were discussing an issue:

Whole: I think we’ve covered the Whole thing.

Skim: Really? We just Skimmed over it.

Creamer: I would normally side with Whole on this point, but I’m actually Half and Half.

Wrote my second joke ever, would like some feedback

Three lumberjacks; Sam, Dave, and Ben; are felling trees when a bear approaches them. Sam says "stay back or we'll kill you with our axes!" The bear responds, "woah! I'm a proud vegetarian. I just wanted to offer you all a nicely cooked dinner since you've all been working so hard and are probably h...

Corniest Doctor joke I’ve ever heard but it still got a chuckle out of me.

I heard this a while back while on dialysis and the doctor was impressed that I knew what a nephrologist was so he told me this gem:

“What’s the difference between a kidney doctor and a nephrologist?”

“What?”

“A kidney doctor works on kidneys, a nephrologist works on kidneys but...

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After a father gives his son “the talk,” the son asks him, “Dad, what kind of breast is best?” The father chuckles and replies,

“My boy, beauty is in the eye of the boob-holder.”

A duck waddles into a hotel’s lobby convenience store…

…and loudly asks the bored clerk, “Hey, where can a guy get some Tic Tacs?”

Incredulous, the store clerk responds to the waterfowl at his feet, “Did you just ask for Tic Tacs?”

“Yeah, Tic Tacs,” says the duck. “Got a date with a smokin’ hot redhead.”

Not knowing for certain how...

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A husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?"

"We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes", she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a...

A bus full of ugly people crashes...

A bus full of ugly people crashes. Everyone dies and goes to heaven, forming a line at the pearly gates. St. Peter is there and says, "Before you get into heaven, you get one wish." The first person in line says, "I wish I was beautiful!" Poof, they're beautiful, they get into heaven. The second guy...

My 6 yr old daughter had a joke for me this morning that made me chuckle...

Daughter: knock knock
Dad: who's there?
Daughter: dwayne
Dad: dwayne who?
Daughter: dwayne the tub, I'm dwowning!

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Just a compilation of 10 corny jokes that still make me chuckle.

1. What was wrong with the wooden car with wooden wheels?
It "wooden" go!

2. Why can't a dick be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot

3. A guy walks into the doctors office with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his ass. The doc takes one look and he says, "It looks like w...

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2 mafia members are walking through the woods, late at night

2 mafia members are walking through the woods, late at night

The first guy says to the other: "I'm gonna be honest, this place is scaring the shit out of me"

With a snort, the second guy chuckles and says "You're scared? I gotta walk back alone!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I said to my doctor, "I've got a problem with my penis. Just before I'm about to make love to my wife, she laughs at it." He chuckled, Don't worry that's quite common."

Reluctantly relieved, I asked, "Really?"

"Yes." He replied. "She laughs at everyone's."

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Three friends were bragging about who has the most sex. The first guy starts, “Y'all ain't got nothing on me! I can go to any bar and bring home a new woman every night! Not only that, but I drive a corvette and have an 8 inch penis! I've slept with more than 1,000 women!”

Second guy fires back, “Oh yeah? Well I’m a top gynecologist at the highest rated hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis and I've slept with well over 5,000 women.”

La...

Its a real shame about Bary Chuckle

He always be a British legend to me, and to you.

My girlfriend told me this joke ten years ago. We've been married nine years today.

A penguin is driving to the mall when all of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to i...

Chuck Norris, Zelensky, and God all walk into a bar.

The Bartender looks up, "Were were just about to start a new drinking game I've been working on. I call out a bragging point, and each one willing to meet it, chugs their drink. The last man standing due to matching every post and surviving every drink, gets the pot. Everyone else has to split the t...

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(NSFW) A man walks into a bank and says to the the teller, “I want to open a fucking checking account.”

The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, but we don’t tolerate language like that in this bank.”

The teller then leaves the window and walks over to her manager to explain the situation.

The manager agrees that the teller shouldn’t have to put up with that kind of language. <...

Sitting around the outdoor campfire I chuckle to myself

My friend asks, what's so funny?

I reply, "I can't tell you out here, it's an inside joke."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

"Yes," replies the little girl.

"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"

The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"

"Wel...

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NSFW In honor of my Father, his favorite joke of all time. No one could tell it like he did.

Christmas was coming and Little Johnny’s Mom and Dad took him to the mall to a see Santa Claus.

Johnny walked up and sat on Santa’s lap and said “Santa, for Christmas I want a god damn new baseball bat and I want it to be put under my god damn bed. I want a god damn new baseball glove, and I...

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