A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”



"Because…He’s my newt.

Your essays should be like a girls skirt.

Long enough to cover the subject, short enough to keep it interesting and on the desk by Friday midnight.

Three interesting things happened today ...

First, this guy tells me he's going to vote for Donald Trump in 2020.

Next, two minutes later, he gets hit by a bus.

Then, Trailways fired me.

I have been playing this interesting game with my niece recently.

And you just lost it too.

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'.

So we stopped playing chess.

Mmmm. Just learned an interesting fact

So apparently anti vaxxed children have mid life crisis at the age of 2

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.

So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?” 
One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!” 
So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?” 
That’s about as far as I remember

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Interesting fact about the Canary Islands

Did you know that there's not a single canary bird on the Canary Islands?

Same holds true for the Virgin Islands.

Not a single canary bird there either.

There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

 

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

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My family has a farm and we breed and raise pheasants. An interesting fact most people don’t know about pheasants; they actually die right after having sex

At least the ones I fucked did

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A interesting genie loophole

Genie: you have three wishes.

Me: I wish for more-

Genie: no wishing for more wishes!

Me: I wish for more *genies*.

Genie: holy shit.

All the new genies: holy shit.

An Interesting Horse Joke

A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Chuck’s house and said, Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.

Chuck replied, Well, then just give me my money back.

Th...

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A man is staying at an old fashioned pub/inn

Downstairs in the tavern he is drinking before retiring to his room. The innkeep approaches him and proposes a challenge. He has a magical chicken that will grant him one wish if he can beat her in a trivia contest. The man is bemused but accepts the challenge, figuring there’s no harm in indulging ...

Interesting

Interesting, isn’t it, that "take out" refers to food, romantic dating, and assassination.

On my way home yesterday, I saw a guy with interesting hair dressed up as a Greek god.

He said his name was “Afro-dite”.

I told this joke today when asked to stand up and introduce yourself to the group, and say something interesting about yourself ...

So this guy dies and goes to hell. He finds himself in a nice room with a group of other people. Satan stands up and says, "Welcome to Hell!" The guy thinks to himself, "well, this doesn't seem so awful." Then Satan says, "I'd like each of you to introduce yourself, and tell us something interes...

A blind man went to a restaurant.

menu sir? asked the owner. I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order. The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork, and returned to the blind man.
The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and...

I was out shopping the other day and found a very interesting item: curduroy pillowcases

I think they're gonna make headlines

WOW is an interesting word. WOW spelled backwards is still wow. And WOW upside down is MOM. And MOM upside down is Dad's favorite thing.

No, I'm sorry, that joke was cheap and easy, and so's my mom, and that's why I'm here. No, seriously, I love my mom... And you can, too, for twelve dollars.

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In celebration of my cake day, here's the worst joke I've ever created.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him ...

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I met a girl who liked to try new sexual positions. She wanted to do it standing up while balancing on one leg. It was interesting but . . .

we didn’t get off on the right foot.

To the women who say "Men are only interested in one thing"

Have you ever considered being more interesting?

After a Coronavirus vaccine is developed

anti-vax people would need to make a very interesting choice

Little Johnny At The Park

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods.

Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.

Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

"MOMMY, MOM...

A professor asks a graduate student what he's working on these days.

"I'm writing a thesis on the survival of the class system in America," the student said.

"Oh, that's interesting. I didn't know there was a class system in America."

"No one does. That's how it survives."

A man sees something interesting at the top of a telephone pole, but he can’t quite figure out what it is. He climbs to the top, and sees it is a black box. He opens the box carefully...

He is shocked

An Interesting Proposal

So I drive around the city a lot, see a lot of stuff, ya know, trees and whatnot. Anyways, I just passed a homeless lady who was holding a sign that said " widowed, single, need help, kisses included."

What an interesting sign, so unique, so confident, so single...

So she came up to my...

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My friend taught me something interesting: the swastika is an ancient Indian religious symbol, only appropriated recently by Hitler as a symbol of hate.

I said, “Brett, that’s interesting, but are you really going to explain that to every employer that asks about your tattoo?“

Interesting misconception regarding Type O Blood

Initially, the medical community referred to it as 'Type Zero' blood, due to the lack of glycoproteins. The term was misinterpreted to what it is today. You could venture as far as saying it's a **typo.**

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3 men are standing in front of Heaven's Door waiting to be let in when St. Peter says, "Sorry, boys, but Heaven has met their quota for the day

; however, if you tell me how you died and it is interesting enough, I will let you in."

The first man says, " I am a respectable businessman who lives with my wife in a condo on the 12th floor of The Rains Building. I suspected that my wife has been cheating on me, so I left work two hours e...

An interesting chat

Me : My wife has died, but tears are not coming out of my eyes.
My friend : No problem, just imagine she came back.

Jack strode into ‘John’s Stable’

looking to buy a horse. “Listen here” said John, “I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream heyhey the way to get him to go is to scream Thank God.
Jim nodded...

Just watched a really interesting documentary about ship building.

Riveting.

My wife has an interesting way of beginning sentences.

She always starts with, “Hey, are you even listening?”

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What's interesting about vampire sex?

They only come at night.

Interesting fact: the sun makes up 99.86% of the solar system's mass!

The rest is your mama

I had an out of body experience, but it wasn't that interesting

I was practically beside myself

So a duck walks into a bar...

And the duck says "can I get a glass of beer?"
The bartender looks at the duck and says "you are a talking duck!" And the duck says "I am indeed". The bartender hands him the drink. The duck pays for it. The next day the duck comes in and asks for the same thing, pays, and leaves. This carries on...

A guy is about to get married the next day when his bride’s sister offers an interesting proposition....

As he’s sitting on the couch, she confesses she has had a crush on him for a long time, and wants one time with him—no one will ever know.

She says “Don’t answer now. If you’re interested come upstairs to my room. If not, you can leave or whatever, no problem.”

She goes upstairs and h...

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The drinker announced to the bartender, “It seems I’ve been informally named advisor on ‘Sexual Matters’ at my company.”

“That sounds interesting. Does this mean you’ll be counseling the business executives on relations with their female colleagues?”

“I’m not sure yet,” he answered.

“During a staff meeting, I popped up to suggest a reduction in executive expense accounts and it was after that I was told ...

Three heftier women enter a bar and order their drinks. The bartender says, "Y'all have some interesting accents. You broads from Scotland?"

They glare at him and one says, "Wales."

He says, "Ok... You whales from Scotland?"

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Me to my friend: For the 50th time, your semen is not interesting and does not vary by each ejaculation.

My friend: Ok but get a load of this!

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Legless Parrot

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any legs."What happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm defective."

"Wow," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I happen to be a highl...

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A man went to Spain for his vacation.

He stopped by a restaurant and saw an interesting dish. He asked the waiter about it, who said "the balls of the bull sir. we serve it once a day after the bullfights." The man places an order for the next day, and leaves.

When he comes back the next day and gets his dish, he looks at it for...

An interesting fact about the human body

Did you know, the last thing that happens to your body after you die is your pupils widen? It's because they dilate.

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A homeless man had a very interesting sign

It said that he could guess anybody’s age for $5. A young lady came up and asked if he could do this to her. She gave him the $5 and the old man started looking carefully at her. He said, “I just need to feel your boobs to figure out your age. The woman was very surprised. She reluctantly agreed, a...

I saw the most interesting thing yesterday..

I was walking outside and I saw 2 rats eating a DVD for whatever reason. I stopped and started to watch closely when suddenly one of the rats stops, looks at the other and says “You know Steve, I enjoyed the book more.”

Doggone interesting

This guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a mutt just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies. "So, what's your story?" The mutt looks up and...

An interesting title

Me [trying to keep the conversation going] : so, what do you do for a living??

Barber [slowly stops cutting my hair] : ....

A local business owner was looking for office help.

The owner put a sign in the window that read: “Help wanted. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer, and must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer.”

A short time later, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign, and went inside.
After going inside, the dog looke...

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Names are interesting. You can get Bob from Rob, Bill from Will, but how do you get Dick from Richard?

You ask him nicely.

Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It's an interesting way to pass the time.

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Someone once said to me 'You know, Pluto is more interesting to me than Uranus '

I said 'Thanks. Can you please finish the prostate exam?'

If you think the sunset is interesting, what do you think about the sunrise?

You think its intereasting

Some people think nuclear physics is interesting

Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring

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Interesting Farmers Market

A young man was driving to work when he realized he had forgotten his lunch.

As he drove frustrated with himself he came across a farmers market with and interesting sign,

“apples that taste like pussy”

Better than nothing he said.
As he bit into his first apple he was gre...

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It's interesting how mythology has permeated our culture. Just look at Oedipus...

he's the most famous motherfucker around.

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