My wife has NO sense of humor

I still thought "hi 'Drowning', I'm Dad!" was hilarious.

Scottish Humor

It’s called a “Kilt” because I kilt the last man who called it a skirt.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

A lot of people wonder what a true Scotsman wears under his kilt, but don't ask him: he'll not tell ya, he'll show ya.

In Scotla...

Dark humor is like cancer.

It's even funnier when children get it.

NSFW semi dark humor

Mindy's husband Bob had just passed away. At the funeral, the funeral director was looking real awkward and pulled Mindy aside and says to her.

"Maam, I'm sorry to bring this up to you, but we have an issue with your husband. You see, he has a massive erection and coffin won't fully clo...

“Poor old fool.” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

A kid asks his mom "whats dark humor"

Kid:Mom whats dark humor
Mom:See that man with no arms over there run over there and high five him
Kid:I can't i don't have legs

My wife and I share a sense of humor...

We have to. She doesn’t have one.

Some people don’t appreciate dark jokes, but I’m ok with that. Like I always say, dark humor is like food—

Not everybody gets it.

The problem with dark humor is...

that a lot of jokes don’t land very well, kinda like those pilots during 9/11

Your dark humor is like clean drinking water

It’s tasteless.

A taste of Russian humor

Ivan had worked at the wheelbarrow factory for as long as anyone could remember, and the day of his retirement had finally arrived. He was well respected and even liked by all his coworkers, and his boss wanted to give him his last farewell at the end of his last day while he was walking out, so he...

I love self deprecating humor

More than I love myself

Everyone says I'm best at self deprecating humor

But I don't think it's very good

Dark Humor Joke Ahead

What’s so great about living next to a cemetery?

You don’t need their consent!

A kid asks his dad 'Daddy, what's dark humor?"

"Well," he said, "you see that fat kid get stuck in the baby swing?"

"Dad, I'm blind..."

The dad goes back to his newspaper.

"You're welcome, son."

(Dark Humor) What did the handless guy get for Christmas?

Its still a mystery cause he hasn't opened his present yet.

Very dark humor(Long joke)

A grandfather and a grandson are sitting next to each other. The grandson in on his phone while the grandfather is trying to talk to him. The grandfather says to himself, “Urgh, how you children are dependent on technology.” The grandson hears what the grandfather said and replied with, “No, your ge...

Coding humor

99 silly bugs in the code,
99 silly bugs,
Pass one down,
Patch it around,
127 silly bugs in the code!

Self-depricating humor is the best kind of humor...

Except when I do it.

Jailhouse humor

A new inmate showed up at the state prison to start serving his fifty year sentence. After getting through the preliminaries with his cellmate, he settles in. After a bit, he hears a shout outside the cell, "Number twelve!", and everybody on the block laughed uproariously. A few minutes later, some ...

The level of humor when telling dark jokes is like a boat full of refugees on it's way to Italy

It sinks.

Science Humor

Physicist: "There's a hotel in Germany with a plaque stating that Heisenberg may have slept here."
Me: "Really?"
Physicist: "Well, I'm not sure..."


(as heard in an 'Inspector Lewis' episode)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do the Hong Kong police like to show up to work early?

They like to beat the crowds.

Edit: WTF is wrong with you people?
I know dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old but, 2 shiny bottle caps?? NO!! Send that money to the protesters, or groups helping them, in Hong Kong.

Edit 2:
Add edit to first comment.
Also he...

What do you call British humor?

Humour.

What syndrome has people barking out potty humor?

Toilette’s syndrome

People tell me I don’t have a sense of humor. It’s not my fault. I was born with a serious birth defect.

I was born without a humerus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superhero Nude Beach

Before I write the joke, I wanted to give credit to who it came from. I worked as a reporter very briefly, and we had an older fella that would always tell us one joke a day. He was a great guy and I just wanted to pass on one of his jokes that always stood out to me, so here it is.

If you we...

I don’t like political humor

It’s too taxing.

Dry humor about water.

So these two guys are in a cabin in the woods by a small pond in Vermont.

One says, "Hey, go fetch some water to drink."

So the other takes a pail and wades out into the pond to get water. He looks up and there is a bear across the pond looking at him and growling!

The guy drops...

The people of Dubai don't get Flintstone's humor.

But the people of Abu Dabi do.

Internet humor is so selfish

It's all about meme meme meme

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The difference between self-defecating and self-deprecating humor is that...

One you shit yourself and the other you shit on yourself

My friend said my taste in dark humor is really messed up.

I think he's just racist; Pryor, Rock, and Chappelle are legends.

A joke inspired by my 5 year old daughter who was trying to make up jokes.... why was the booger who was stuck in your nose so upset?

Because he wasn't picked yet.

Obviously this is where dad jokes and humor come from.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever a guy doesn’t share my sense of humor I tell them that my jokes are a lot like blowjobs.

You don’t get them

A dark sense of humor is a early sign of dementia.

A dark sense of humor is a early sign of dementia.

A sense of humor is like food...

...you're not allowed to have it in Soviet Russia.

What would you think if one day, you woke up and didn’t have a sense of humor?

You probably wouldn’t think it was very funny.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dark humor is like anal sex...

Just relax a little and everything will be fine.

(Dark humor) Don't drink and drive

John Baker was 17 and hot headed. An underage drinkers and a hardcore partier, his parents were always furious with him for this. They tried keeping him from going out, but nothing seemed to work. The last straw was when John got caught driving drunk. The car was a wreck, and John was in even worse ...

[DARK HUMOR] What's the difference between a door and a 9 year old?

The way you go in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, 'Where have you been?'
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, 'Look, Michael. Look what I've made.'
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, 'What is it?'
'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Woman gets naked in front of her husband and asks

"What turns you on the most, my pretty face, my voluptuous bust or my sexy butt???

He briefly looks her up and down and replies: "Your sense of humor."

I would appreciate it if we stopped posting Holocaust Jokes. They're not funny, witty, or humorous. My Grandpa died in the Holocaust

He fell off the Guard Tower

Topical Humor

How does the moon get his hair cut? Eclipse it.

I read this joke in a book of Jewish humor some years ago.

An elderly Jewish woman was about to board an El Al flight from JFK to Tel Aviv, carrying her little lap dog in a cage, covered by a blanket. The gate agent informed her that there was no way she could carry the dog aboard the plane, but assured her the dog would be perfectly safe in the luggage co...

I used to hate Nihilist humor...

but nothing is funny to me now.

Wife to husband

Wife - What do you like the most: my beauty or my intelligence?
Husband - your sense of humor.

Fowl humor

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business.     She had several hundred young
pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.


She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and
was replaced.


This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny be...

Ancient Humor

Once Plato said "Humans are nothing but featherless bipeds". To this, Diogenes came running with a plucked chicken and said "Behold! A man"

What do you call cows that have a sense of humor?

Laughing stock.

Massage Humor

A Jewish man walked into a massage clinic looking for deep tissue. They bring him back and afterwards, he comes out looking disappointed. They ask him why and he replies, "She was too gentile."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Merry Christmas! Read Below For The Humor⬇️

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all ...

Wanna know how I know that God has a sense of humor?

I look in a mirror.

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