German Humor: How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

One.

Racial Humor

An Irish man is sitting at a bar, then a Chinese man sits down next to him. The Chinese takes a drink, the the Irish man says to him, "do you know Kung fu?". The Chinese man says, "why because I'm Chinese? That's just racist!". The Irish man says, "No, I ask because you're drinking my beer".

Have mercy I've never written any humor until now. I've attempted to write a joke about a meta joke.

A meta joke walks into a bar and says to the bartender

"I don't have much time to explain! We're living in a hypothetical reality, both of us, characters in a joke! I tell you this here and now, despite the fact that by all metrics I should not be a sentient or even tangible entity capable o...

My greatest skill is humor...

Sometimes people even tell me I smell funny.

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Today a flat earther friend of mine told me the earth was as as flat as my sense of humor.

I told him his girlfriends ass would've been a better comparison.

Dark humor is like rights....

Some people don't get them

"Mom what's dark humor?"

"Do you see that guy over there without arms? Ask him to clap his hand"

"But mom I'm blind..."

"Exactly!"

People in Dubai wouldn't understand the humor in the Flintstones,

but I know people in Abu Dhabi do.

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I hate potty humor

It's the butt of all jokes

Dark HUMOR

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

I thought this sub could use a little more self-deprecating humor...

... too bad I suck at telling jokes.

I asked my friend if they wanted to hear a joke, they said they were only into dark humor...

So I turned off the lights

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A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.

He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me ...

Ionic humor

Two atoms are walking down the street. One suddenly says, “I just lost an electron.”

The other is concerned. “Are you sure?”

“I‘m positive!”

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Humor in the workplace

A guy who works in a deli goes to his psychiatrist and says, “Doc! I’ve become obsessed with sticking my penis in the pickle slicer at work.”

Quite concerned, the psychiatrist lists the many reasons it’s a bad idea.

The guy brings the subject up week after week. One week he comes in an...

If you lose one of your senses, your other senses get enhanced

This is why people with no sense of humor have a heightened sense of self'importance.

My wife and I had two miscarriages last year, and I believe there should be more jokes about miscarriages so we talk about it more...

The only problem is most of the jokes die before you finish delivering them.

—————————————————————

*The title of the post is true and humor is how I deal with my pain*

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If sex was humor

Call me Amy Schumer

It's okay if you don't like self-deprecating humor.

You don't have to be hard on yourself.


(I'm pretty sure I just wrote that joke today. Though, I am a firm believer that no thoughts are original.)

Orc humor What do you call a paladin with a spear in his chest?

A hole-y knight

What do you call a wolf that is woke?

Awarewolf



(credit goes to my GF, who's apparently practicing her dad humor. *sigh* please, don't wreck my karma)

Dark humor is like food...

I indulged in an unhealthy amount of it today, and now i want to kill myself.

Man who has no sense of humor...

has a serious problem.

Dark humor warning: What do cannibals call children?

The snack that smiles back

[Dark Humor] Why can’t orphans go on field trips.

Because they need a parent signature.

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Bathroom Humor

So what do you call a Turd that's over 18 inches long and unbroken?

An accomplishit

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Self deprecating romanian humor

Three explorers are caught by a savage tribe and brought before the chief. An american, a romanian and a russian.

chief says "we've had a good hunt so we won't eat you outright, but instead, for the tribe's benefit we will offer you three ways out: pay 100$, take a good beating or eat a bucke...

Only the best musical humor

Which concert will only cost you 45 cents?



50 cent featuring Nickelback!

A little IDAHO HUMOR From John H. Hill

A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,

and finally they got married, and had a little sweet

potato, which they called 'Yam'.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going...

What is a blind person's favorite type of humor?

Dark Humor.

state humor

what did one state say to prove his credentials as a carpenter?

arkanSAW

Why don't tax accountants have a sense of humor?

Because jokes aren't deductible.

Scientist: We've discovered a clump of atoms that has no sense of humor.

Me : You've got to br kidding.
Scientist : This is no laughing matter.

A lil southern humor

What do you call a crawfish in a hairpiece?

Crawfish etoupee

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Dark sense of humor

People look at me and go "oh he is a nice guy, he must have a good, clean sense of humor. Full of light and laughter."

They don't realize how dark it is up there in my head..... mainly because someone turned off the fucking lights!

Ever wondered why "I hate my life" is millennial humor?

As a Zoomer, I'm here to say that the phrase actually applies to members of Gen Z as well.

The only difference is that for millennials, it's funny.

I'm serious.

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My favorite 4th of July joke: Do you know why Americans spell color, humor, and behavior that way they do?

"Because fuck u that's why."

-- George Washington, Revolutionary War

Yknow what they say about a good dark humor joke

It hits harder than a drunk parent.

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Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I w...

Just the punchline

r/jokes is full of good humor … and a lot of reposts. This thread is for redditors to post the punchlines of their favorite jokes, and others can put in the jokes, otherwise comment, or just say 42 or whatever.

Go!

A little computer humor

There's no place like 127.0.0.1

I hate my job at the morgue, nobody gets my sense of humor.

I swear I’m working with a bunch of stiffs.

COVID Humor

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerato...

“Poor old fool.” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

Dark Humor

A kid asked his father “What is dark humor?” The Dad responds with “See that man in the wheel chair, tell him to stand up.” And the kid’s only response was “But dad I’m blind.”

My 6 year old daughter just said to me..

"Dad, don't you find it inherently dishonest when people fabricate a false narrative using children to make the underlying message more humorous?"

I dunno what she talking about. Kids, eh?

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A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeeez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says the parrot. "Ask me anything, I'll answer whatever you want."

"Okay," the guy says. "How can you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but si...

I'd tell you guys dark jokes...

But it's hard to see the humor in it.

Interviewer: So what are your strengths and weaknesses. Me: I have a decent sense of humor but my General Knowledge is not so good.

Interviewer: Ok, then tell us a joke.

Me: Knock Knock.

Interviewer: Who?

Me: 2nd US President.

Interviewer: 2nd US President who?

Me: Like I said, my General knowledge isn't good.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dark humor

The craziest thing happen to me, the other day I was just chilling thinking in my head I decided I was gonna commit suicide, never gonna do that shit again because I almost died.

Why do iPhone have a great sense of humor?

Because they crack up easily.

A friend said my sense of humor was so dark...

that is was like a black hole. Not even a light pun could escape it.

Scottish Humor

It’s called a “Kilt” because I kilt the last man who called it a skirt.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

A lot of people wonder what a true Scotsman wears under his kilt, but don't ask him: he'll not tell ya, he'll show ya.

In Scotla...

Apparently the CDC is even limiting JOKES now? The CDC put out humor guidelines today asking Americans to limit themselves to

only telling inside jokes

Why did the Mallard fail as a comic?

His humor was too fowl.

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I told my editor, "I don't think toilet humor is funny."

She replied, "I agree. And, it's a shitty job, but someone has to do it. Now, get back to writing before you flush your career away."

My humor is so dry...

I'm legitimately worried about stray fireworks this weekend.

Why is it so hard to understand humor when you're in quarantine?

Because everything's an inside joke.

Jokes about Feminine Hygiene are the lowest form of humor

Period.

My gf thinks I have a good sense of humor.

Until she found out this sub reddit.

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Post-humor

A country man milks a cow. Only the bucket was half full the cow jerks its leg and knocks over the bucket. Then the man found some rope and standing on a stool tied the cow by the leg to the crossbar on
the ceiling.

When the bucket is half full again the cow kicks the bucket again and it o...

I have a very dark sense of humor

Its so dark that cops are beating it to death.

Why do Reddit astrologers not try to divine humor from the movement of planets?

Because the real joke is in the comets!

My wife has NO sense of humor

I still thought "hi 'Drowning', I'm Dad!" was hilarious.

What's the difference between black humor and morbid humor

Black humor is 10 babies in one trash can.
Morbid humor is one baby in 10 trash cans.


It's old joke, sorry if you heard it already.

Looking for "A__is like a__, it__." For example: A dark sense of humor is like a make-a-wish child...

....It never grows old.

If you have one, please share. Joke, not make-a-wish child.

Okay, my humor is a bit dry, but enjoy? I guess? You probably won’t but eh, I don’t care.

So the president asked one of his advisers if there were any Walmart’s in Iran, but his advisor replies:

“Mr. President, there are no Walmart’s in Iran, only targets.”

I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29,

my humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.

Heard this ADhD joke a while back. A man walks into a bar with a penguin and a foul-mouthed parrot and somehow wins a bet or something.

Sorry, I guess I wasn't really paying attention.



What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor

Dark humor is 10 kids in one container


Morbid humor is one kid in 10 containers

Sometimes my humor grows so black,

It starts collecting coconuts in Afrika.

What's the difference between juvenile humor and a dad joke?

A dad joke is full-groan.

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