I don't know why so many people thought Cats was a bad movie.

They played it on my flight home and there were only two walkouts.

My girlfriend and I are huge movie quoters. When we give each other presents, we say, "WHAT'S IN THE BOX?! WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!?!?!?!"

Apparently when she asks, "How do I look?"
"That'll do, Pig. That'll do," isn't the right movie quote...

A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog with him.

A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog and it's sitting in the seat next to him.

He thinks it's unusual, but he likes dogs so he decides that as long as it's not a distraction he won't mention it.

The movie starts and pretty soo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy in a bar bets the bartender $50 that he can lick his eyeball

The bartender agrees

The man takes his glass eye out, and bites it

The bartender angrily gives the man his money

The man bets the bartender $500 dollars that he can bite his other eyeball too

The bartender agrees to the bet, because the man was not blind

The man pu...

I said “I love you” to my cake.

It burst into tiers.

Edit: rip my inbox!

Edit 2: so many awards but no gold? I dare you to gild me. Go ahead, make my day!

Edit 3: Guys I was being sarcastic and referencing the movie Sudden Impact (cries in being old). Whoever gilded me just wasted their coins but still, thanks...

My friend swears he loves horror movies involving clowns

I'm not certain, but I think he means It.

A group of movie producers are working on the next avengers/MCU movie

Producer 1: Does anyone have any ideas for the villain?

Producer 2: Ok, how about a 14 foot tall, flaming eye-ball, with poison swords for arms, who shoots lasers from his feet, and has a pet llama made of diamonds

Head producer: You’re over-thinking this, let’s just keep it low-key

Have you heard of the upcoming movie where a time traveller gets transformed into a chicken?

It's called Bawk to the Future.

Finally watched the Bee movie

It was good insect-ions

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just watched that new peanut butter falcon movie. If I had to rate it

I'd give it a 24 out of 23.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Sex with me is like trying to find you’re seat in a crowded movie theatre.

There’s a lot of pushing, a few pained grunts, a shove or two, and somewhere from the darkness you hear the word “sorry...”.

Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me if I wanted to watch a movie.

She said, "What movie would you like to see?" I said, “You pick." She said, “You pick." I said, “I don't care. You pick." She said, “Sir, there are people waiting behind you waiting to buy tickets."

Why aren’t children allowed to watch movies about green ogres?

Because of all the Shrexual content.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I watched my first porno movie last night...

Boy, was I in good shape back then!

Have you heard about the movie constipation?

No
That’s because it hasn’t come out yet

In light of the recent debates on whether Splash Mountain should remain the same or be remodeled after "The Princess and the Frog", let me give you some hints on which Disney movie I think it should be based on.

1. It's far from the most popular Disney film, but it definitely isn't without its fans.
2. It is notable for taking place in the Americas and featuring a mostly non-white cast.
3. One of the main characters of the movie is a selfish and lazy teenage prince who likes to party.
4. This princ...

My wife wants me to stop making movie references

But old habits John McClane

Why did the Star Wars movies come out 4-5-6, 1-2-3?

In charge of scheduling, I was.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's Gordon Ramsays favourite Movie?

It's fucking FROZEN!!

The coming Pixar movie Trains has been cancelled.

It will be replaced with Buses.

At the library, I found a book called “How to enter a movie theatre without paying”.

The librarian then approached me and told me that the author recently made a second book.

“What was it called?” I asked.

“My 2 years in prison”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dwayne Johnson is doing a battle scene for a movie...

When suddenly the villain he is fighting kicks him in the butt.

Dwayne shocked, responds "you've just hit rock's bottom"

Why were the Star Wars movies released 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?

Because in charge of planning, Yoda was.

In every X-Men movie Wolverine looks at his claws like he forgot he had them

and then he gets real mad

Have you seen the movie about the homicidal scooter that only kills right before a new scene starts?

Its called A Killer Segway.

Movie Theater Popcorn is Like a Drunken One Night Stand

You know you're going to hate yourself after.
You might even hate yourself during.
You feel gross after you're done.
It gets on and in your clothes, hands and hair.
You usually eat it in the dark.
Somewhere in the back of your mind you know that it's been laying in the same bin si...

Have you heard the movie that they’re making about fast food?

It’s getting filmed in Greece.

A bunch of actors were getting ready to be in a movie about famous singers and they were deciding who’s gonna be who

RDJ said “I’ll be Beethoven” and Hugh Jackman said “I’ll be Freddie Mercury” and then everyone turned to Arnold Schwarzenegger said “I’ll be Bach”

I hate when people say I don't know any good movies.

Of course I dont, did you meet any?

What did the director Christopher Nolan say to Tom Hardy when he asked him to cast in the movie Tenet ?

Sorry, Tom,.......it's Hardy.

My favorite movie is without a doubt

Mrs. Fire

Three sheep in trench coat want to see a movie

“One adult ticket please” the sheep says

“I can tell you’re three sheep in a trench coat” the salesman says

“Really?”

“Yes! One, two, zzz”

I heard they're making a Tetris movie...

They can't get the script done. Every time they write a line, it disappears.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Porn movies are positive movies:

No murder,
No war,
No fight,
No conspiracy,
No cheating,
No racism,
No religious fanatics,
No language problem,
No crying or teasing,
Good cooperation,
Good coordination,
Natural acting,
Everybody enjoys the climax,
Lots of love,
...

What do you call a 2020 binge of the Kill Bill movies?

Rentin' Quarantino

I just seen the guy from the fantastic 4 movies at the gas station.

You know the human torch.. I tried to get his autograph but he just kept on rolling around on the floor screaming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people when they lie, so he decides to try it out at dinner.

He asks his son, "Did you go to school today?" The son replies, "Yes," and the robot slaps him. The son says, "Alright, I went to the movies."



The father asks, "What did you see?" and the son replies, "Toy Story 4." The robot slaps him again, and the son says, "Okay, okay! It was an a...

The first Water movie was great.

Yesterday I saw H2O 1 and it was refreshing. Today I heard that the critics are saying the second one is a killer one.

They're about to release a braille movie

They're about to release a braille movie, it's tipped to win the best "feel good" movie of the year.

PG 13 movies can show literally hundreds of human beings getting slaughtered and nobody bats an eye. But you drown just one dog...

and they ask you to leave the pool.

People often ask me how I manage to smuggle chocolate into movie theatres

Let's just say, I have a few Twix up my sleeve...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got such a vigorous hand job whilst watching the new Adams Family movie that my dick has turned purple.

Talk about too much of a good Thing.

I like the Harry Potter books and movies but

I think the character of Nearly Headless Nick was poorly executed.

What movie did you go see?

My parents had great fun teasing each other and yanking each other's chains.

They were visiting me (38m at the time) and my wife+kids, and my Dad & I went out to see a movie. We found Jurassic Park I (in 3D), and went to see that. It was an enjoyable experience.

When we were on o...

I hate seeing directors make the same movie. It gets boring, I guess I'm...

Board of directors

You know a movie which was ahead of its time

A movie about 2020 named 2012 came out in 2009

I just heard that Snoop Dogg will be playing the teacher in the upcoming Magic School Bus movie.

F'rizzle!

A husband is doing crosswords with his wife.

**Husband:** Emphatic no; five letters.

**Wife:** Never.

**H:** Pistol; three letters.

**W:** Gun.

**H:** Disgust; three letters.

**W:** Ugh.

**H:** Charity; four letters.

**W:** Give.

**H:** Female sheep; three letters.

**W:** Ewe.
<...

What did Casper the ghost say while sitting through a terrible movie?

“I don’t think I can get through this!”

Why was Minecraft the movie cancelled?

Because all of the actors wore blockface.

I heard they made a Minesweeper movie

It bombed at the box office, but somehow ended up sweeping the oscars.

Can anyone tell me who played forest gump in the movie??

T.hanks

The newest sci-fi movie on Netflix is about a death match between E.T. and a nerd with no social life.

Alien versus Redditor.

I came across a great movie about a semi-truck with a defective refrigeration unit that had to deliver a large shipment of meat.

Unfortunately, the trailer spoiled it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend wanted me to make love to her like in the movies.

She got pissed when I stuck it in her ass and came on her face. I guess we don’t watch the same kind of movies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite movie is Eraserhead by David Lynch.

I'm still waiting for the sequel, Pencilbutt.





(Yeah, probably the worst joke I've ever come up with in my life. .\_.)

Did you know they made a movie about a notepad that lost its notes?

It was called Finding Memo

Go out camping during the lockdown to become a famous movie director.

Tentin Quarantino.

What do you call a shellfish Action movie star?

Jean Claude Van Clam.

From the current state of America. The movie Joker was

ahead of the curve

A nice movie

Gf: whatcha doing?

Me:I'm seeing a movie right now.

Gf:Oh what is it about?

Me:Once upon a time a family is attacked in which the mother dies and son becomes physically disabled and then a few years later his son gets kidnapped and the rest for the movie is about the father over...

Where do people from Boston go to buy antique adult movies?

A Pawn Shawp

My weekend was like the movie “The Avengers”

Loki

A translation of a joke from a French movie to follow the trend

A guy brings his date home and asks her

"Do you want a whiskey ?"

"Just a finger." she replies

"Don't you want a whiskey first ?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An extremely wealthy man invited his high school friends to his big estate for a reunion.

Aside from being extremely wealthy, he is also extremely arrogant and prideful. As he welcomed his friends to his house, he gave them a tour of his estate, showing his cars, helicopters, private jets, and even his own yacht, all the while bragging about all his assets and wealth. Finally, at the end...

What is racist Karen's favorite movie?

Minority Report

What kind of bird would make a great action movie star?

Steven Sea-gull

Steven Spielberg just announced he’s not doing anymore shark movies.

This is a real Jaw dropper

I wrote a movie about a male sheep and his son enjoying a Hostess pastry.

I call it

*Ram, a Lamb, a Ding Dong*

What do you call a Russian cat that interrupts a movie?

A blue-purr.

Curtesy of my 9 year old joke writer.

You can borrow any movie from my movie collection except for one

never gonna give you Up

I was thinking about watching a romantic movie with my girlfriend tonight,

can anybody suggest me a good girlfriend? :)

All this drama in the world. Makes me want to watch a nice light movie.

You know... Like Armageddon.

My favourite part in the CATS movie is what they lost Sven

Sventy million dollars

I gave that movie 3.14 stars!

Cause I pi-rated it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL Two girls, one cup is only the trailer for a full length movie

That shit goes on much longer

In this Quarantine, I'm planning to watch movie with my girlfriend.

Please suggest a good girlfriend.

What’s the difference between a cop and a movie camera-man?

If the movie camera-man turns his camera off, he gets fired.

What movies teach us:

AMERICAN MOVIES TEACH US:

1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu.

2. More than 50% of U.S. population are FBI/CIA agents, working undercover.

3. The purpose of school system of U.S. is to promote basketball / baseball.

4. Aliens have specia...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wanted to watch this famous Tom Hanks movie, but I made a typo and ended up downloading a movie about a sex slave in a jungle.

It was called Forest Gimp.

So I was watching tv last night and saw a trailer for the new fantastic four movie. It looks like its going to focus on their kids and how they team up to fight crime.

Apparently its going to be called "The Fantastic Four's Kin"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite NSFW Joke: A guy calls his friend, and says "you're not gonna BELIEVE what happened to me last night...

I was walking home from the bar, and I saw this woman tied to the railroad tracks, like in the old silent movies!"

His friend says "that's crazy! So what did you do?"
"Well, I untied her of course! And then I took her home and had sex with her all night long."

His friend says "tha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pianist once played for a porn movie.

He decided to go to the adult movie theatre just so he could hear his own piano.

At the theatre he got very uncomfortable and embarrassed. The movie was very graphic. It involved group sex, double penetration and even a dog.


On exiting the theatre he locked eyes with the couple ...

MOVIE RATINGS EXPLAINED



G: Nobody gets the girl. PG: The good guy gets the girl. R: The bad guy gets the girl. X: Everybody gets the girl!

I recently saw the movie "Pitch Black"

It was riddickulous.

Today I learned about the Astley paradox!

If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie UP, he cannot give it to you as he will never give you up.

However, in doing so, he lets you down.

Thus creating the Astley Paradox.

How ungrateful people are

My grandfather tried to warn everyone that the Titanic was going to sink. Besides not believing in him, they also expelled him from the movie theater!

I finally saw that Wonder Woman movie from a few years back. I think it's really dangerous to let the kids see it.

It could give them the impression that DC movies are good.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl.

-Edit my dad told me this joke and I just got some of the parts I remembered but I’m pretty sure this is all it

Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies...

Why wasn’t the movie Five Feet Apart (2019) more successful?

It was a year early and a foot short.

I'm trying to convince my wife to upgrade our yard so I wanted to show her on my chromecast people having fun on terraces so I yelled "Hey google, show me a movie of a wife enjoying a big deck with her friends" but I think google misheard me.

I just made it up after a couple of glasses

Yesterday, I approached a gorgeous girl, and she was pleased, which wasn't something I expected

I asked the girl for a movie.

She : "Which movie"? with a sweet smile.

Me : "You decide".

She : "No, you should decide"

Me : "No, you decide"

She : "Sir, please select which movie ticket you want. There are others behind you in the line as well"

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