Does anyone know what the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people

What will the 10th movie in the Fast and Furious franchise be called?

Fast10

Your seat belts

While discussing horror movies, my friend asked me who my favorite monster from film is.

Me: "Hmmm that's a tough one. I think I'd have to go with the vampire from Sesame Street."

Friend: "What!? He doesn't count."

Me: "Oh I assure you, he does."

Where do mermaids go to watch movies?

The dive in.

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The problem with sex in the movies is,

that the popcorn usually spills.

What is an Anti-Vaxxer's favourite movie?

Mrs. Doubt-Pfizer

A radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, so it's kinda weird that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

That’s like humans having a city called “Liver Pool.”

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My wife hates it when I quote old movies incorrectly

But frankly, my dear, I don't give a shit!

A walkie talkie invited a lump of coal to dinner and a movie.

Radio-carbon dating

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Daughter asks her mother: "Mom, can I go to the movies with my friend?"

"And what kind of movie are you going to watch?" said the mother.

"A Horror movie," the daughter replied

"Well, you can't," said the mother...

"To be all scared and get closer to him in the cinema."

"Well, what about an romantic movie then?" the daughter asked.

"Oh...

There is a lot of difference between a man and woman saying,

"I went through a whole box of Tissues watching that movie"

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A farm boy took his pet duck and got in his pickup to go to the movin’ picture show in town.

He walked up to the ticket booth with his duck under his arm to buy a ticket, but the girl said, “sir, you can’t bring that bird in here”.

The country boy tries to explain ’bout how the duck is a housebroken pet, but the girl says, “SIR, I’m sorry but you can’t bring that animal into the thea...

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What do you call those black and white movies where nobody speaks?

Interracial porn

I love Rock's acting in all his movies, I wonder where he got his acting skills from...

Oh he was in WWE.

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At the movies

2 old women, Martha and Ethel, go to the theater. After watching the movie for a while, Martha nudges Ethel and whispers," Ethel, the man next to me is masturbating". Ethel whispers back,"Just ignore him Martha".

Martha replies," I can't ignore him. He's using my hand".

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a restaurant, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"

"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"

That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can ...

Have you heard about that new movie "Constipation"?

It hasn’t come out yet!

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Favourite porn movie parodies…

I’ll start, let’s see what list we can create…

Shaving Ryan’s Privates

Schindler’s Fist

Willy Bonk Her in the Chocolate Factory

Pulp Friction

Evil Head

Honey, I blew everybody

Inspect Her Gadget

Missionary Impossible

Saturday Night Beave...

A movie theater in my town was recently robbed of over $20,000 of merchandise

The thieves apparently stole 5 popcorn/soda combos and 10 boxes of Raisinets.

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So I don’t know why but every time we watch a movie starring Chris Pratt my girlfriend always goes into the bathroom for a very long time

I don’t really mind and I don’t really care because that just gives me more time to jerk off to Chris Pratt

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If Alabama was a porn movie...

It would be rated PG - Parental Guidance suggested.

Rick Astley will give you his entire Pixar movie collection, except..

He's never gonna give you Up!

A teenage boy takes a quadriplegic girl on a date to dinner and the movies. At the end of the night out, he drives her back home and they start making out in his car.

He tells the girl he feels uncomfortable doing this where her parents could come outside and catch them in the act. She says not to worry because she has a place they can go.

So he helps her in her chair and she tells him to wheel her into the backyard. When they get in the back, she shows hi...

What’s Mitch McConnell’s favorite movie?

Kill Bill.

I watched a movie about fishing...

It had a great cast in it.

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There was a man and a woman in a parked car at a drive in movie.

They were having sex in the back-seat of a small sports car when the man suddenly slipped a disk in his back! He was stuck, he couldn't move at all and neither could his girlfriend, she was pinned nude beneath her 250 pound lover. They were desperate to get out so she managed to reach over the front...

What is a dog’s favorite spy movie?

Mission im-paw-sible

You know, the saddest thing about Dwayne Johnson's success as a movie actor is how he's completely forgotten his brothers who got him there.

Paper and Scissors.

Who's that kid in that movie you can't ever remember their name?

Whatchamacaulay Culkin

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night

Aftwerwards I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

Mom wouldn't let me see the orchestra movie

She said there was too much sax and violins

Have you heard about the movie where an illegal immigrant hunts down a priest to get vengence?

It's called Alien vs. Predator

Movie night

We wanted to "Netflix and chill" last night, so my wife asked me to put on a movie called " scent of a woman". I could not find it so I put on the next best thing...." A fish called Wanda"

A list of things that helicopters do in movies

1. explode
2.

Movie ratings explained:

* G- Nobody gets the girl.
* PG- The good guy gets the girl.
* R- The bad guy gets the girl.
* X- Everyone gets the girl.

Why did the surgeon not like the movie?

Because it was the uncut version.

It's the exact same movie.

Did you know that if you watch the movie 'Tenet' in reverse...

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A man with a tendency to over-explain things lays on his therapist's couch.

The therapist says “I have a new exercise for you today. Instead of spending an hour talking about your day, try to tell me the essentials of what happened in one breath.”
The patient agrees and takes a deep breath

“So they cast Callie Hernandez as Supergirl and I’m not sure if it was th...

A couple were watching a movie in a dark theater when a mosquito went inside the girl's pants. Can you guess where did the mosquito bite?

On the boyfriend's hand, you dirty minded perverts. Smh.

Did you hear that in the next fast and the furious movie they’re getting rid of those long fin things on the back of the cars

Ah sorry, spoilers

Did you hear about the new Bruce Willis movie?

Bruce Willis has to go undercover in a retirement home for nuns to stop a terrorist plot.

It's called "Old Habits Die Hard".

I tried watching LGBT movies to celebrate Pride month

but I need to pay extra for LGBT Plus

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For those of you that never heard an ending to Bender's joke from the movie The Breakfast Club.

A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She sets the poodle down on the bar and the bartender says "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The blonde says "as a matter of fact, make it a double scotch on the rocks! I was just drying off af...

The movie Speed didn't have a director...

Because if Speed had direction, it would have been called Velocity.

My friend asked me if the next Star Wars movies were going to be in 3D

"Yes" I replied "...but they R2D2."

TIL the next Star Wars movie will debut a new droid with a comically-short attention span.

Its name is 80-HD

Just watched a movie where a mad scientist rigs a DeLorean to time travel and he paints everything purple, it's called...

"Back to the Fuschia"

Vin Diesel wants the next Fast and Furious movie to be a musical.

It’s called “*Jesus Christ, Supercar!*”

What is the dairy farmer’s favorite Disney movie?

Moo-ana

My favorite Will Smith movie is the one where he is part of a map

I Am Legend

What do you call a movie extra from Prague?

A background Czech.

You can tell a lot about an Introvert by his handwriting, posture and favorite movie

About an extrovert, you can tell everything by his constantly non-closing mouth...

My favorite movie is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

Had the most bizarre experience before the quarantine, when I sat down in a movie theater and noticed that the man in front of me had brought his dog and it's sitting in the seat next to him.

The movie starts and pretty soon there's a funny part. The dog makes some low woofing sounds that seem like laughter. In a little while there's a sad part and the dog appears to be weeping. This continues throughout the film and I was astounded.

When the lights come up I tap the dog's owner o...

I saw a movie once.

In the movie, a guy put a thumbtack on a girls chair, and she sat on it.

Not much of a plot I'll admit, but I like movies where the guy gets the girl in the end.

What would you call a horror movie set in a post-gasoline world?

The Silence of The Lambos

My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink

*No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the movie theatre*

Mr. Johnson walked into a movie theater and sat down next to a dog who was at the theater with his owner.

Much to Mr. Johnson's astonishment, the dog laughed at the funny parts, cried at the sad parts, booed at the villain's wicked deeds, and cheered at the hero's heroics.

When they left the theater, Mr. Johnson told the dog owner, "Your dog's reactions to that movie were amazing!"

"I thou...

Movie really spoke to the schizophrenic in me.

To both of them actually.

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One of my favourite jokes from one of my favourite movies, Desperado. Originally delivered by my favourite director, Quentin Tarantino

This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop." The bartender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says...

Why can you never watch a movie with your cat?

Cos they're always stepping on pause.

Which specific body part makes a ton of movie blockbusters?

This knee.

Every Satutday night my wife and I watch 3 movies back to back.

This week is my turn to face the screen.

A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but sadly D.C. wouldn't allow him to film it.

He decided he would just make the movie anyway, but instead of using the character's real names he would take away the last letter of their names.

Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty partners Alfre and Robi. The film then showed the dynamic duo and their butler fighting cr...

I have an addiction to making references to random Bruce Willis movie titles. People have tried to help me stop but you know what they say. Old habits...

Pulp Fiction

Which movie villain works at the abortion clinic?

The Terminator.

What’s a movie whose title got deeper the longer you watched?

The Titanic.

I had an idea for a movie where a retired CIA agent searches for his daughter in Paris

It turns out that idea was taken

The owner of a seafood restaurant sends one of his sons undercover to his rival's restaurant

The owner tells him to get a job as a cook, and figure out the recipe for his rival's famous clam chowder.

The first day, the son comes home with a basic list of ingredients that the rival uses. They try making it, but it doesn't turn out the same. The owner sends him back.

The second ...

I watched a movie called "The Adjustment," about a Chiropractor who quits, goes back to school and becomes an famous Orthopedic Spine Surgeon. I didn't really like it.

Too much backstory.

"Lincoln" grossed $275,000,000 in movie theaters

Which is ironic since historically Lincoln doesn't do too well in theaters

It was going to be a long road trip. I popped on my headphones, pulled up a movie on my phone, and got lost in the action as the car headed down the highway.

The passengers probably wished that I'd waited until I wasn't driving to do that.

Are we even watching the same movie?!

One thing I’ll never do again is watch a movie with a genius. You, me, us normal people, have a thing called suspension of disbelief. When we watch a Harry Potter movie we don't get lost when they shoot lighting out of their little wand. We're in, we get it. Magic. Got it! Light up the screen! I'm i...

Everything in 2020 happened to be recorded for a movie and the director is...

Quarantin Tatarino

I hate it when people quote the movie Joker

I’d give my reason but you wouldn’t get it

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What's the most popular movie at a nudist colony?

Free Willy


I'm happy with thinking of this myself.

Anytime I ask a girl with a boyfriend to watch my favorite movie with her, she always ends up being a Liam Neeson fan

“No, Taken”

I’m still shocked about the streaker at the movie theater

It was a private showing

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I moved into a neighborhood down near a movie theater once

It was pretty nice. Everyone was friendly and it wasn’t even that expensive. I thought I could probably live there for a little while untill I got a knock on the door from a neighbor shortly after I moved in.

He heard that I was new, and wanted to let me know something about my next door neig...

What do you call a place to buy bootleg horror movies?

A Spookeasy

I just finished my latest underground movie. It's about a young man who rides a motorcycle naked across America's roughest roads.

I call it "Uneasy Rider".

Did you guys hear the next King Kong movie will star Lady Kong?

Apparently it'll be a rom-kong

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Watching movies on illegal websites are probably the hottest thing you can do.

I mean, why else would all these horny singles in my area be ready to chat.

Why is the “The Big Lebowski” the president’s favorite movie?

Because the Dude is a Biden.

Last night my wife and I watched some movies back to back.

Good thing I was the one facing the tv.

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey decide to make a movie together.

George Clooney says, "I'll direct."

DiCaprio yells, "I'll produce!"

And Matthew McConaughey says, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."

A blonde and her boyfriend went to the movies

In the film, the main character is running through the storm so she says, "I bet you £20, that they don't get struck by lightning."
And her boyfriend agrees.

20 seconds later the main character is stuck by lightning and the blonde looks confused and gets £20 to give.

...

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An inventor, Liam, builds a humanoid lie detector robot that can slap you if you lie. As with all his inventions, his family will be the first round of test subjects.

At dinner, the inventor asks his son Jimmy about his day.

"I was at Scotts, we were studying for mid-terms."

The robot suddenly springs to life, slapping the son hard upside the head.

"Ow, what the fucking shit?" Jimmy exclaims angrily.

Liam looks at his son with a bemu...

I don't know why everyone is saying Cats (the movie) was bad.

They played it on my flight home and there were only two walkouts.

The fact I haven't watch a Ghibli movie helps me sleep at night

It gives me something to look forward to tomorrow :'(

My wife keeps asking why I need tissues at the end of joyful movies

I told her I always need them after a happy ending.

What is Hannibal Lecter's favorite movie?

Gladiator

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First date

A girl was going on her first date, and before she went her mother said "Listen carefully: Boys are only after one thing, so whatever he asks you, always say NO!".

So they go to watch a movie, then off to a restaurant for a bite to eat. At the end of the meal, the boy says "Do you mind if we ...

The Grave of the fireflies was such a good movie..

Can't wait more to watch the second part.

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He probably drank beaver milk (clever reference to the movie The Animal)

This guy got into a bad accident and ended up losing an arm, his eye and his penis.

He wakes up a few weeks later and is greeted by a strange looking doctor. The doctor explains what happened and tells him he performed an experimental surgery to insure some quality of life following the acci...

Have you seen the movie, "Constipation?"

Of course not, it won't be out for a while.

Btw, I am a teacher and a 3rd grader told me that today.

What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot?

671 Hallmark movies.

A Mexican actor died while performing stunts for a movie.

During the funeral, his mother walks towards the director and says,

"Jesus died for your scenes."

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Lenin in Warsaw

A Soviet filmmaker makes a film called “Lenin in Warsaw.” Everybody shows up for the premiere. The film opens—on Lenin's wife, Krupskaya, naked, having mad sex with another man. And then another.

And another. And so on. The film continues in the same vein for ninety minutes.Finally, the ...

Why are Star Wars movies released in the order of 456, 123, 789?

Released by Yoda they were

What are ghosts favorite movie genre?

Seance-fiction

What would dwarves name a movie about an underground drinking tournament.

Need for Mead.

"Stewardess!"

"Yes, Sir?"

"I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep."

"Captain, shut up and land the plane

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I hate being dyslexic. I went to a movie theater to see some cop porn

And all I got was this lousy popcorn.

I just got done watching 3 movies about tiny crustaceans.

It was a krillogy.

Man in a movie theater

An old man lay awkwardly sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theatre

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,

"Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The old man didn't budge.

The usher became more impatient.

"Sir, if...

Action Composers

All the action heroes are at Stalone's house when their phones all go off. Their agents give them news about a new action movie focused on the great composers. After the call they are all talking about who they would like to play.

Stalone: I'm not going to be in it if I can't be Mozart....

Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. She said, “What movie would you like to see?”

I said, “You pick.”

She said, “You pick.”

I said, “I don’t care. You pick.”

She said, “Sir, there are people waiting behind you waiting to buy tickets.”

Do you know why “Chicken Run” was as an marked explicit movie?

It has fowl language

I just adopted two puppies the other day. I love them so much but they're so distracting whenever I try to watch a movie.

They keep pressing paws.

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?

In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.

My brother got a new pet hamster.

He wanted to think of a perfect name for him so he pondered for a while. Finally he came up with Cuba Gooding Jr. because he absolutely loved most of his movies.

One day Cuba got out of his cage and we couldn’t find him for hours. We looked everywhere, even into the garage and finally the at...

I took part in a boxing match where everytime I was KO'd, I'll get a Pixar movie. It has become irritating.

I get knocked down but I get Up again

Trey Parker goes back in time to his 7 year old self at Casa Bonita...

Look, in the future you are going to have a very successful TV show for over 20 years, over 4 movies, Broadway accolades and a billion dollars. Also, you own Casa Bonita now.
And his 7 year old self says with excitement "I'm gonna own Casa Bonita?!"

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