Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

Have you seen the new Exorcist movie?

This time it’s the devil trying to get the priest out of the child.

Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me whether I wanted to watch a movie. She said, “What do you want to see?”

Me: You pick.

Her: You pick.

Me: I don’t care which movie. You pick.

Her: Sir, there are people behind you in line waiting to buy tickets.

I was with a deaf girl who knew sign language, we were watching that movie where Johnny Depp has blades for fingers. I couldn’t remember what that character was called so I sign to her, “What’s that character’s name?”

“Edward,” says her hands.

I downloaded all the music to the movie Titanic.

It's syncing now.

I´ve just downloaded the Queen movie, Bohemian Rhapsody!

I think it was filmed in a cinema though, as I see a little silhouetto of a man.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Five friends were sitting around, debating which Pixar movie is the greatest

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of the...

If Shrek had been an average movie, it would’ve been

Mediogre

Have you heard about that new movie “Constipation”?

It hasn’t come out yet.

Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.

Apparently only DC movies can do that.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Movie idea

There should be a hostage movie where instead of holding up a bank or skyscraper, the bad guy is a coworker who keeps asking questions at the end of a meeting.

I wanted to write a movie script about a retired CIA agent who has to rely on his old skills to save his kidnapped daughter, but that idea was taken.

So I thought instead I'd write a script about a retired CIA operative who is taken hostage along with his wife in Instanbul, but that idea was taken, too.

Boy: Hey wanna see a movie with me tonight?

Girl: I have a boyfriend.

Boy: and i have a math test tomorrow.

Girl: What does that have to do with anything?

Boy: I thought we were listing things we were going to cheat on.

Friend: Did you hear about the robbery at the movie theatre the other day?

Me: No, what?

Friend: Yeah, apparently they stole more than $1000 worth of stuff

Me: Oh my god, what stuff?

Friend: 5 cokes and 10 popcorns

A Mexican actor died while performing stunts for a movie.

During the funeral, his mother walks towards the director and says,

"Jesus died for your scenes."

I got fined $50 for sneaking popcorn and a drink into the movie theater.

It's ok though, it still saved me money.

What do you need for a movie about broken bones?

An awesome cast

A Canadian asks an American to watch a movie together.

American: Have you seen the Titanic?

Canadian: What's that about?

American: Yes it was. A huge one that sank.

How does a logician explain why long lines tend to form at the restroom after a movie?

If a lot of people have to urinate, a long line will tend to form. A lot of people *do* have to urinate after a movie, and thus there is a long restroom line. Put a bit more formally:
Pee implies queue. Pee, therefore queue.

I saw a movie once with a lot of racist profanity

Obviously, it got rated a hard R.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's Gordon Ramsey's favorite Disney movie?

IT'S FUCKING FROZEN!!!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If your roommate made you watch a movie and left after 10 minutes, it would be a dick move.

My point: Old people should not vote.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A girl wants to go see a movie with her friends, but she doesn't have a ride.

So she goes to her dad and asks to borrow the car for the night. He says, "Sure, you can borrow the car, buy first you have to give me a blowjob." She whines and cries, but he doesn't budge.

Eventually, she relents and agrees to the task. She gives his dick an initial lick and says, "Ew! Dad...

What is the most popular movie streaming service in Russia?

NyetFlix

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sex with me is like the latest Avengers movie

There's always a bunch of nice guys who hate the fact that Im the one to split it in half

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was watching The Human Centipede with this guy, and I could tell just by looking at him that he was really enjoying the movie.

He had this shit-eating grin on his face the entire time.

This St. Patrick's Day, Julia Roberts has a new movie coming out. It's about a woman who fights to expose the toxic levels of green beer.

It's called Erin Go Bragh-kovich.

I'm writing a Bollywood take on a spy movie, about a taxi driver who's really an undercover agent.

His catchphrase is, "the name's Shaw - Rick Shaw".

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey decide to make a movie together.

George Clooney says, "I'll direct!"


Leonardo DiCaprio says, "I'll act!"


Matthew McConaughey says, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write!"

One day, a man was watching a movie with his girlfriend at his house

A man decided to take his girlfriend back to his house after a date.

She had never been to his home before, and things were getting steamy during the movie.

Just as things were starting to heat up, the couple heard a scratching noise and the man was getting visibly annoyed.

The...

Last night a movie theater was robbed of over $1000 dollars.

The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, two large sodas and a pack of Skittles.

How do you break up with a famous movie director?

You look him in the eyes and say, Joss we done.

I tried to sell AMC a movie about menstruation.

They said they weren't interested in doing another period piece.

What's bacon's favorite movie?

Grease

Netflix is creating a movie about Reddit starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

It will be called *Total Repost*.

I just heard Paul Bettany is going to star in a standalone movie for the MCU which will begin filming later this year.

If the rumors are true, we're getting 2020 Vision.

A movie about janitors impressed critics.

Later that year the movie swept the Oscars.

What resolution do Mexican movie theaters show movies in?

Por que.

What movie was basically just an ad?

The Hulk. It was just one giant Banner.

I saw a really good movie recently about a military man in control of a top-secret bank account

It's called "Ryan's Private Savings"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Dad and son are watching a movie when the sex scene starts...

Dad:-"Son, its time for you to go to bed."

Son:-"But dad, I'm 16. I know everything about sex."

Dad:-"I don't give a crap how old you are. You are not watching me jack off! "

Iron Man and Silver Surfer have teamed up for the next movie.

They are alloys.

I hear the new Star was movie will include a Hispanic Jedi Knight.

I can't wait to see Obi Juan Kenobi make his first on-screen appearance.

Why was the movie about fly fishing a box office flop?

Bad casting.

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except one

He's never gonna give you Up

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I thought I’d surprise my new girlfriend after a recent movie talk we had. So, tonight when she came over, I had a Pornhub movie with a prostitute scenario on. She saw it, told me to never talk to her again, and stormed out.

I am starting to think she told me she likes “horror movies”...

What's the difference between a good movie and my uncle?

Nothing. They both touch me.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

All of my sexual escapades are like a big budget Star Wars movie

Solo

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Bee Movie was such a fucked up movie, it was literally about a bee who tried to have sex with a girl.

Who would want to have sex with a girl

What's a terrorist's favourite Star Wars movie?

Return of the Jihadi.

Just saw the movie glass.

Over 2 hours long.

I was shattered at the end.

What do The Titanic and the movie Sixth Sense have in common?

Icey dead people

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Thought I’d be nice and let the kids watch a Christmas movie. Big mistake...

because now they keep saying to each other “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker”

Did you hear the Reddit Movie got cancelled?

It involved too much post production

Movie Theater

I was in a theater last night watching a very sad movie and all the sudden this guy behind me starts whaling and I get hit in the back of the head with a harpoon

Tom Cruise is making a movie about distilling moonshine during prohibition

It’s called Whisky Business

You know who was the main character in the movie about drugs?

The heroin.

Two friends named Monty and Jason went to a movie theater. Monty went ahead to grab the tickets leaving Jason waiting behind.

While queuing for the tickets, Monty chats up the gentleman in front of him, "Hey, I'm Monty," he says. The gentleman amicably replies, "Hola, soy Santiago."

Hearing the man's response, Monty immediately runs away and returns alarmed to his friend, shouting, "There's a Spanish in queue Jason"...

Some famous actors decide to make a movie about classical musicians

They immediately begin to claim roles.

Robert Downey, Jr. says “I’ll be Mozart.”

Nicolas Cage says “I’ll be Beethoven.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach!”

Did you see the movie about Chubby Checker?

it has a great twist

I got a part in a movie called Cocaine.

I only have the one line.

I tried watching the movie 'Panic Room' the other day,

But I just couldn't get into it

A man visited a movie studio and was browsing the wardrobe archives.

He asked a costume designer which were her favourite pieces.

“Well, that shirt there was worn by Pacino. That jacket was put together for De Niro. And these boots were made for Walken.”

People are getting angry about an actor practicing cannibalism on a female actress during the production of an action movie set in ancient Rome.

Personally, I'm gladiator.

Anytime I watch a Jennifer Anniston movie, it seems like she’s playing the same character.

She is a victim of Rachel profiling.

My friend was in an old movie about guns

It is now a Colt Classic

What movie is this joke from? Painting the porch

Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.
The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie,
"Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why was Titanic considered the best pornographic movie of the year?

Because they all got fucked

What’s the scariest movie to show a pencil?

...
...

Point Break.

If you watch a movie with Jackie Chan backwards...

You will get a documentary about a Chinese guy who assembles furniture with his feet.

What is a communist’s favourite movie?

Hunger Games

They should make a movie about two computers falling in love.

And it should be called ROM-com.

Did you hear about that movie star that did hard drugs for an entire year to play an addict in a film?

He's a meth-head actor

Without a doubt my favourite Robin Williams movie is

Mrs. Fire

Someone made a movie about r/Jokes

It's called, "Attack of the Clones."

Why can't two dogs ever finish a movie?

They keep hitting paws.

My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink

No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two friends sitting in a movie theatre notice a baldy. One of them challenges the other to slap that baldy's head and get away with it..

So this guy goes and slaps the baldy's head saying "Dude! long time no see. How is it goi..." with the baldy looking at him annoyed and angry.

The guy goes "oh I am really sorry. I mistook you for a friend of mine who also has a shaven head."

Baldy buys the excuse and lets him go....

My mom wont let me go see the new pirate movie...

Because its rated NC-17 for all of the booty it shows the pirates fighting over.

"Dead or alive, you're coming with me." is a great movie quote...

...but a terrible pickup line.

What movie features Mark Hamil, Carrie Fisher and Han Solo surrounded by garbage?

The Force Awakens