A radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, so it's kinda weird that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

That’s like humans having a city called “Liver Pool.”

What’s Mitch McConnell’s favorite movie?

Kill Bill.

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For those of you that never heard an ending to Bender's joke from the movie The Breakfast Club.

A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She sets the poodle down on the bar and the bartender says "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The blonde says "as a matter of fact, make it a double scotch on the rocks! I was just drying off af...

I have an addiction to making references to random Bruce Willis movie titles. People have tried to help me stop but you know what they say. Old habits...

Pulp Fiction

A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but sadly D.C. wouldn't allow him to film it.

He decided he would just make the movie anyway, but instead of using the character's real names he would take away the last letter of their names.

Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty partners Alfre and Robi. The film then showed the dynamic duo and their butler fighting cr...

My favorite movie is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

Why is the “The Big Lebowski” the president’s favorite movie?

Because the Dude is a Biden.

The movie Speed didn't have a director...

Because if Speed had direction, it would have been called Velocity.

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I moved into a neighborhood down near a movie theater once

It was pretty nice. Everyone was friendly and it wasn’t even that expensive. I thought I could probably live there for a little while untill I got a knock on the door from a neighbor shortly after I moved in.

He heard that I was new, and wanted to let me know something about my next door neig...

I had an idea for a movie where a retired CIA agent searches for his daughter in Paris

It turns out that idea was taken

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One of my favourite jokes from one of my favourite movies, Desperado. Originally delivered by my favourite director, Quentin Tarantino

This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop." The bartender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says...

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Watching movies on illegal websites are probably the hottest thing you can do.

I mean, why else would all these horny singles in my area be ready to chat.

Do you know why “Chicken Run” was as an marked explicit movie?

It has fowl language

What is Hannibal Lecter's favorite movie?

Gladiator

Man in a movie theater

An old man lay awkwardly sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theatre

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,

"Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The old man didn't budge.

The usher became more impatient.

"Sir, if...

Why did the teenager call 17 of his friends to watch a movie?

Because on the poster, it said "under 18 not allowed".

A blonde and her boyfriend went to the movies

In the film, the main character is running through the storm so she says, "I bet you £20, that they don't get struck by lightning."
And her boyfriend agrees.

20 seconds later the main character is stuck by lightning and the blonde looks confused and gets £20 to give.

...

I love watching movies with strong female leads.

I'm a heroine addict.

Nobody enjoyed the in-flight movie.

It caused 17 walkouts.

Have you guys heard about this remake of the old Jim Carrey/Renee Zellwegger movie, but starring mumble rappers?

It's called "Me, Myself, and My lean."

Have you seen the movie, "Constipation?"

Of course not, it won't be out for a while.

Btw, I am a teacher and a 3rd grader told me that today.

I just adopted two puppies the other day. I love them so much but they're so distracting whenever I try to watch a movie.

They keep pressing paws.

Best movie director for COVID times?

Quentin Quarantino

I watched a movie about the dangers of global warming.

Pretty good but it had an anticlimatic ending.

What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot?

671 Hallmark movies.

The movie I was watching was so bad that I had to walk out.

Unfortunately, the flight attendant told me that she can’t open the doors mid-flight.

"Doctor, my wife is secretly a movie theater!"

"I think you're just projecting."

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I hate being dyslexic. I went to a movie theater to see some cop porn

And all I got was this lousy popcorn.

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey decide to make a movie together.

George Clooney says, "I'll direct."

DiCaprio yells, "I'll produce!"

And Matthew McConaughey says, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."

I told my friend about how I caught a huge snake. He asked me how big it was and I said, have you seen the movie anaconda?

It was about the size of the Anaconda’s DVD box.

Have you seen the new movie “Constipation”? No?

That’s because it hasn’t come out yet

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What do you call a movie about a wanted whale?

Freeze Willy

What is the name of Daniel Craig's last movie?

Probably, "Bond Voyage."

Netflix's latest movie.

Netflix have released a powerful new film set in the 18th century about a princess who's cursed by non-stop menstruation . The witch who cursed her says she has before the age of 21 to lift the curse by falling in love.



Honestly, it's a fantastic period drama.

What’s a pirates favorite movie?

I dunno, whatever they can download for free.

What's your favorite Robin Williams movie?

Without a doubt, mine is Mrs. Fire.

What's a zombie's favorite movie?

Shambler's list.

(Really not proud of this one.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a porn star’s favorite horror movie?

Night Of The Giving Head

Action movies have really exaggerated

how hard it is to take over the Capitol Building.

My wife screamed at me, "You're obsessed with those Star Wars movies. I'm leaving you."

"May divorce be with you!!" I replied.

A Mexican actor died while performing stunts for a movie.

During the funeral, his mother walks towards the director and says,

"Jesus died for your scenes."

What do the movies The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?

Icy dead people

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While watching an action movie I took a fatal dose of Viagra at Christmas

#Diehard

Why did the Star Wars movies come out as 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?

Yoda was in charge of the scheduling.

Anyone seen the movie 'The Tractor'?

No?

How about the trailer?

A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog with him.

A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog and it's sitting in the seat next to him.

He thinks it's unusual, but he likes dogs so he decides that as long as it's not a distraction he won't mention it.

The movie starts and pretty soo...

The follow up to the Netflix movie “Cuties”, has been announced.

Its a prequel.

Have you heard of the movie about the broom?

It's sweeping the nation.

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Someone showed me a porn movie with 2 dudes and one girl and said that it's called threesome

I said it's a DVD

What do you call a guy who makes movies about trees?

Timber Ton

Joseph Stalin is in a movie theatre with his fellow party members attending a premiere of a Soviet comedy movie.

He laughs and grins throughout the film, but after it ends he says, "Well, I liked the comedy. But that clown had a moustache just like mine. Shoot him."

Everyone is speechless, until someone sheepishly suggests, "Comrade Stalin, maybe the actor shaves off his moustache?"

Stalin replie...

What did Hollywood say when they made another Batman movie?

Done another-nother-nother-done-another-nother-nother...Batman!

Rick Astley will let you borrow any Pixar movie he owns.

But he will never give you Up.

Why didn't they let the 11 year old into the pirate movie?

Because it was rated "Arrrr!"

What is a male praying mantis’ favorite Christmas movie?

Die Hard

The cars in the next Fast & Furious movie are going to be really decked out.

*HUGE SPOILERS!"

People need to stop pretending Die Hard is a Christmas movie.

It's a Christmas Eve movie.

Tom Hardy goes to a movie theater

Tom Hardy goes to a movie theater to rewatch his movie - the Dark Knight Rises. To avoid being recognized on the street, he rushes into the theater, forgetting to wear his mask. Before he gets far, one of the theater employees stops him. Tom thinks it’s one of his fans asking for an autograph but to...

Why is the movie about the early Germanic people rated r

It contains Saxon violence.

My 1st Movie Part

My agent called and I have a part in a movie called Cocaine

I was a little disappointed, I only have 1 line

What would you call it when you're watching a movie and you're friend tells you that the main character dies because they get hit by the back of a dragster?

A spoiler alert

I don't know why everyone is saying Cats (the movie) was bad.

They played it on my flight home and there were only two walkouts.

An Entertaining Movie

A man was at a movie theater but couldn't take his eyes off a woman and her dog in front of him. He noticed the dog seemed to understand what was happening in the movie. The dog would laugh at the funny parts, hide his eyes with his paws at the scary parts and started crying at the sad ending.
<...

Matthew McConaughey, Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt decide to make a movie together.

Of course, they are going to need roles for each other, but none of them can decide what they want to do. They argue over this for hours, until Leonardo finally decides he wants to direct, since he is the best with cameras. Eventually, Brad Pitt decides he wants to produce, since he’s the one with t...

I’ve been watching the Star Wars movies, and I realized something

It’s not that big of a shock that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker’s father.


I mean, they have the same no’s.

Have you heard about the new blockbuster movie that's coming out that is not a sequel, reboot or remake?

Neither have I.

Are aliens from invasion movies actually British?

Because all they do is colonize

Indiana Jones is a collection ridiculous movies

I mean one scene is absolute Balderdash

Rick Astley doesn't mind lending out his Disney movies...

But he's never gonna give you Up.

I saw a great movie about databases today.

I can't wait for the SQL

What’s the name of that one eyed pirate movies actor?

Eye Patchino

A motion picture crew is filming a Christmas movie.

A motion picture crew is filming a Christmas movie. The director wants to sprinkle white laundry soap flakes in front of the camera to simulate snowfall, so he sends his producer to the grocery store to buy some laundry soap.

The producer comes back several hours later. "It's the pandemic, ...

I just watched Wonder Woman 1984 and I had zero idea what was going on.

Guess I shouldn't have skipped the other 1,983 movies.

I watched a murder mystery movie with my daughter.

She said, "Hey! They just stole this idea from Among Us!"

Why do movies with Kevin Hart and Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson pairing do well in the box office?

Because they have a little Hart and a big Johnson

A movie studio is casting roles for a documentary about classical musicians.

Tom Cruise says “I’ll play the part of Mozart”
Liam Neeson says “I’ll make a great Beethoven”
Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach”

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A young lady in the maternity ward is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth of her child.

“I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies. "Okay do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife. "No, no boyfriend either".

"Do you have a partner then?" "No, I'm not attached to anyone. I'll be having my baby on my own".

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. “...

What do you call the collective of all movies, songs, and stories about dogs?

Pup culture

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Why did the dyslexic employee at the concession stand at the movie theatre get arrested?

For bootlegging copporn !!!

So I'm reading a book about a movie star that was born a woman but then comes out as identifying as male, but no one gets upset or judgemental about it, they just accept it and get on with their lives. It's a good book...

It's a real page turner

I just saw a headline that read “The 10 Worst Netflix movies of 2020”

...There’s only 10?

At the age of 73, Arnold Schwarzenegger is amazing in the latest Terminator movie.

The only difference is the catch phrase, which has been changed to...."Aaaaarrhh my back."

I just watched a movie about a y = x graph

The plot was a bit predictable

And a little flat

Good special f(x) though

Yesterday, I approached a gorgeous girl, and she was pleased, which wasn't something I expected...

I asked the girl for a movie.

She : "Which movie"? with a sweet smile.

Me : "You decide".

She : "No, you should decide"

Me : "No, you decide"

She : "Sir, please select which movie ticket you want. There are others behind you in the line as well"

Have you heard of the new Jason Bourne movie about his retirement?

It's called Bourne Idle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex Position #189 "The John Wilkes Booth" (NSFW)

You blow a load on the back of someone's head in a movie theater and try to escape before you get caught.

HR The Movie: Now it’s personnel.

More of a non sequitur really

Have you seen that one movie?

A young man grows up in the Dutch mob and works very hard to advance himself through the ranks of cheese making. He enjoys his life of money and luxury, but is oblivious to the horror that he causes. A cheese addiction and a few mistakes ultimately unravel his climb to the top.

I think it's c...

If you were to ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie UP he would never give it to you.

In doing so, he would let you down.

Thus creating the rickroll paradox.

I can't wait for the release of the Tetris movie

It's a blockbuster in the making

Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me if I wanted to watch a movie.

She said, "What movie would you like to see?" I said, “You pick." She said, “You pick." I said, “I don't care. You pick." She said, “Sir, there are people waiting behind you waiting to buy tickets."

I just watched the cheesiest movies of all time.

3: The Havarti Boys


2: Goudafellas


And my all time favorite cheesy movie


1: The Guns of Provolone

What's a Buddhist's least favourite James Bond movie?

You Only Live Twice

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A baby started crying in the theatre during a movie.

Someone shouted, " hey lady, put a boob in its mouth"

The baby's father responded, "who the fuck are you."

Someone shouts from the back.

" Put the other one in his mouth."

Why are movie stars so cool?

They have a lot of fans.

I saw a movie about how ships are put together!

It was riveting.

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

“I’d like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme par...

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A redneck girl asks her dad for twenty bucks to go to the movies.

"Alright," he father says, "But you gotta suck my dick."

She refuses, but later decides she really wants to see the new Brad Pitt movie. So she goes back and tells her dad to whip it out.

As soon as she wraps her mouth around it, she pulls away and nearly pukes.

"That tastes l...

My girlfriend and I are huge movie quoters. When we give each other presents, we say, "WHAT'S IN THE BOX?! WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!?!?!?!"

Apparently when she asks, "How do I look?"
"That'll do, Pig. That'll do," isn't the right movie quote...

Why do politicians tend to appear in movie cameos ?

Because they are such good actors.

Why did the pirate only see half of a movie?

Because he was wearing an eyepatch.

What's the only difference between the US and the movie Idiocracy?

They put the smart one in charge in the movie...

The release of the Bond movie has been postponed once again because of COVID.

Hollywood wants to die another day.

If Trump loses the election at least he’ll get a movie deal

The Lyin’ King

What begins with "p", ends with "orn" and is popular in the movie industry?

Popcorn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a movie about Adolf Hitler?

The Germinator.

I wanted to tell you which M. Night Shyamalan movie is my favourite,

But it's not happening.

What does going to the massage parlor and watching a Hallmark Channel movie have in common?

You always know you’re getting a happy ending.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy in a bar bets the bartender $50 that he can lick his eyeball

The bartender agrees

The man takes his glass eye out, and bites it

The bartender angrily gives the man his money

The man bets the bartender $500 dollars that he can bite his other eyeball too

The bartender agrees to the bet, because the man was not blind

The man pu...

What was the name of the movie about a baby goat that learns karate?

The Karate Kid

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I’ve just got a part in a porn movie

I’m the guy that goes off to work while his missus waits in for the plumber.

A Genius

A British and an Irish were watching a movie. The hero of the film was riding on a galloping horse.

British, "It will fall off the horse ". But the Irish said it would never fall. Thy bet. Soon, the hero fell. British, didn’t I say. But why were you so confident ”it wouldn't fall?” Irish repl...

What did Chris Nolan say after he got a movie idea?

"Where's ma-co-caine? "

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Action movie editor

An action movie editor is in the editing room trimming a Keanu Reeves movie.

It’s filled with cool scenes on motorcycles, and hand-to-hand martial arts combat. But it’s long. The editor has to pull some scenes.

So he’s pulling scenes and removes a really cool scene involving a stuntma...

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