Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

Have you seen the new Exorcist movie?

This time it’s the devil trying to get the priest out of the child.

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar.

Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them."

Sylveste...

MOVIE RATINGS EXPLAINED

G: Nobody gets the girl.
PG: The good guy gets the girl.
R: The bad guy gets the girl.
X: Everybody gets the girl!

I don't understand why people spoil movies...

What's their endgame?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is a nudist's favourite movie

Free Willy

Ever hear of the movie “Constipation”?

Probably not since it hasn’t come out.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Describe your sex life using a movie title

Mine would be home alone

I´ve just downloaded the Queen movie, Bohemian Rhapsody!

I think it was filmed in a cinema though, as I see a little silhouetto of a man.

I directed a movie about my broken leg.

It had a stellar supporting cast.

Have you all heard about the new Tetris movie?

It's getting delayed because every time they finish a line, it disappears.

Have you seen the movie "Constipated"?

It's not out yet.

If you ever feel lonely, watch a scary movie

Then you won't feel so lonely anymore.

I downloaded all the music to the movie Titanic.

It's syncing now.

Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me whether I wanted to watch a movie. She said, “What do you want to see?”

Me: You pick.

Her: You pick.

Me: I don’t care which movie. You pick.

Her: Sir, there are people behind you in line waiting to buy tickets.

If you watch it backwards, the movie titanic,

becomes about a magical boat that saves a bunch of drowning people.

While watching a movie in the theater, a man can’t hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women sitting in front of him.

Unable to bear it any longer, he taps one of them on the shoulder. “Excuse me,” he says, “I can’t hear.”

​

“I should hope not,” one woman replies sharply. “This is a private conversation.”

Whats the Russian version of the movie Gremlins?

Kremlins.

Boy: Hey wanna see a movie with me tonight?

Girl: I have a boyfriend.

Boy: and i have a math test tomorrow.

Girl: What does that have to do with anything?

Boy: I thought we were listing things we were going to cheat on.

If I made a movie about the Alamo

I would call it “Cowboys vs. Aliens”

A guy was arrested for downloading a poorly rated movie.

It had only a rating of 3.14 on IMDB. But then again, it is illegal to download a pie-rated movie.

Ps: not my joke. Heard it today.

At the movie theater, a girl returning to her seat taps the shoulder of the man in the last seat in the row.

“Excuse me,” she says, “but did I step on your toe on the way to the bathroom?”

​

“As a matter of fact, you did,” says the man, expecting an apology.

​

“Oh good,” says the girl, “then this is my row.”

Today, someone told me that, in the next Avengers movie, the Thor Hammer was replaced with a Thor Axe.

My first thought was “What kind of lame weapon is an insect abdomen?”

I wanted to write a movie script about a retired CIA agent who has to rely on his old skills to save his kidnapped daughter, but that idea was taken.

So I thought instead I'd write a script about a retired CIA operative who is taken hostage along with his wife in Instanbul, but that idea was taken, too.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Five friends were sitting around, debating which Pixar movie is the greatest

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of the...

Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.

Apparently only DC movies can do that.

I'm writing a horror movie script about a sentient pen and it's going really well so far

It's practically writing itself

If Shrek had been an average movie, it would’ve been

Mediogre

There's a movie that i can recite line by line

A Quiet Place

So I recently saw that new movie, "Five Feet Apart". Pretty good and I here there's talk of a sequel!

From what I've heard they're gonna call it "Six Feet Under"

Some friends who are software engineers invited me to go see a movie with them, but when we met up I found them staring at a centipede.

I asked when we were going to see the movie.

They replied that the centipede was a feature, not a bug.

Someone should make a movie about an old robot who needs a software upgrade so it can learn about LOVE.

You could call it, 'The 40-Year-Old Version'.

I asked my friend if he wanted to go see the Bohemian Rhapsody movie.

He said, “Sure, but we need to get tickets. Can you do the Fandango?”

What is an accountant’s favourite Lord of the Rings movie?

The Return of the King

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's Gordon Ramsey's favorite Disney movie?

IT'S FUCKING FROZEN!!!

I got fined $50 for sneaking popcorn and a drink into the movie theater.

It's ok though, it still saved me money.

Have you ever heard of the movie “Constipation”?

I didn’t think so... it never came out.

As told by my 8-year old son.

What is a cow's favorite horror movie?

How It's Made: Hamburgers

I made up a dance about an old guy and a kid going on an adventure and asked everyone to name the movie it’s based on.

Someone just guessed it. The jig is Up.

What’s Gordon Ramsey’s favorite scary movie?

Get out

Did you hear about the movie about the man who smashes kid’s toys?

I hear it’s a real blockbuster

A Canadian asks an American to watch a movie together.

American: Have you seen the Titanic?

Canadian: What's that about?

American: Yes it was. A huge one that sank.

If you had inherited 1 million dollars tomorrow, how would you use it? I would go to the cinema to watch a movie, buy one popcorn and one large drink.

​

Then invest the remaining $3.48.

A Mexican actor died while performing stunts for a movie.

During the funeral, his mother walks towards the director and says,

"Jesus died for your scenes."

Wanna watch a movie with my girlfriend & need recommendations...

... on how to get a girlfriend.

I won't say my life's a horror movie...

But I do get ghosted a lot.

I was planning to hit my girl while we watched a movie

But she beat me to it

Why does the cast of the Avengers not know the full script of the movie yet?

The writers are trying to keep things Loki.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Movie idea

There should be a hostage movie where instead of holding up a bank or skyscraper, the bad guy is a coworker who keeps asking questions at the end of a meeting.

Did you hear about the new movie being shot in Norway?

It's going to star Harrison Fjord

The movie “A Quiet Place” is based on a Jeff Dunham skit.

SILENCE!! THEY KEEEL YOU!!!

Last night a movie theater was robbed of over $1000 dollars.

The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, two large sodas and a pack of Skittles.

Two Mice Live in a Movie Studio Warehouse

Two mice live in a movie studio warehouse and are looking for food. Suddenly one hears the other chewing.

"What did you find?" he asks.

"I'm not sure, it looks like a piece of film celluloid from an old movie. Let me see...ah, yes - it's from 'Gone with the Wind'".

"And how is i...

Friend: Did you hear about the robbery at the movie theatre the other day?

Me: No, what?

Friend: Yeah, apparently they stole more than $1000 worth of stuff

Me: Oh my god, what stuff?

Friend: 5 cokes and 10 popcorns

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey decide to make a movie together.

George Clooney says, "I'll direct!"


Leonardo DiCaprio says, "I'll act!"


Matthew McConaughey says, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If your roommate made you watch a movie and left after 10 minutes, it would be a dick move.

My point: Old people should not vote.

Mystery movie idea

Acclaimed actor goes missing. Police zero in on the suspects being his director, wife and brother. Plot twist: Actor is now living a different life disguised as a quizmaster at a European game show. No one expects thespian is in quiz session.

What movie franchise has the worst spoilers?

The Fast and the Furious.

What is the most popular movie streaming service in Russia?

NyetFlix

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A girl wants to go see a movie with her friends, but she doesn't have a ride.

So she goes to her dad and asks to borrow the car for the night. He says, "Sure, you can borrow the car, buy first you have to give me a blowjob." She whines and cries, but he doesn't budge.

Eventually, she relents and agrees to the task. She gives his dick an initial lick and says, "Ew! Dad...

How does a logician explain why long lines tend to form at the restroom after a movie?

If a lot of people have to urinate, a long line will tend to form. A lot of people *do* have to urinate after a movie, and thus there is a long restroom line. Put a bit more formally:
Pee implies queue. Pee, therefore queue.

Hollywood is going to make a new movie about Moses parting the Red Sea starring Christian Bale.

He says it's only going to take him a year to fatten up to the size of the sea.

They told me I couldn’t bring my favourite Disney movie to class yesterday

But I showed them Up.

That last avengers movie..

Was over in a snap.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sex with me is like the latest Avengers movie

There's always a bunch of nice guys who hate the fact that Im the one to split it in half

A movie about janitors impressed critics.

Later that year the movie swept the Oscars.

What's bacon's favorite movie?

Grease

What resolution do Mexican movie theaters show movies in?

Por que.

I'm writing a Bollywood take on a spy movie, about a taxi driver who's really an undercover agent.

His catchphrase is, "the name's Shaw - Rick Shaw".

What movie was basically just an ad?

The Hulk. It was just one giant Banner.

I saw a movie once with a lot of racist profanity

Obviously, it got rated a hard R.

Netflix is creating a movie about Reddit starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

It will be called *Total Repost*.

One day, a man was watching a movie with his girlfriend at his house

A man decided to take his girlfriend back to his house after a date.

She had never been to his home before, and things were getting steamy during the movie.

Just as things were starting to heat up, the couple heard a scratching noise and the man was getting visibly annoyed.

The...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Dad and son are watching a movie when the sex scene starts...

Dad:-"Son, its time for you to go to bed."

Son:-"But dad, I'm 16. I know everything about sex."

Dad:-"I don't give a crap how old you are. You are not watching me jack off! "

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Thought I’d be nice and let the kids watch a Christmas movie. Big mistake...

because now they keep saying to each other “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker”

Iron Man and Silver Surfer have teamed up for the next movie.

They are alloys.

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except one

He's never gonna give you Up

How do you break up with a famous movie director?

You look him in the eyes and say, Joss we done.

I tried to sell AMC a movie about menstruation.

They said they weren't interested in doing another period piece.

I just heard Paul Bettany is going to star in a standalone movie for the MCU which will begin filming later this year.

If the rumors are true, we're getting 2020 Vision.

What's the difference between a good movie and my uncle?

Nothing. They both touch me.

I hear the new Star was movie will include a Hispanic Jedi Knight.

I can't wait to see Obi Juan Kenobi make his first on-screen appearance.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

All of my sexual escapades are like a big budget Star Wars movie

Solo

Movie Theater

I was in a theater last night watching a very sad movie and all the sudden this guy behind me starts whaling and I get hit in the back of the head with a harpoon

Just saw the movie glass.

Over 2 hours long.

I was shattered at the end.

I got a part in a movie called Cocaine.

I only have the one line.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I thought I’d surprise my new girlfriend after a recent movie talk we had. So, tonight when she came over, I had a Pornhub movie with a prostitute scenario on. She saw it, told me to never talk to her again, and stormed out.

I am starting to think she told me she likes “horror movies”...

Why was the movie about fly fishing a box office flop?

Bad casting.

Two friends named Monty and Jason went to a movie theater. Monty went ahead to grab the tickets leaving Jason waiting behind.

While queuing for the tickets, Monty chats up the gentleman in front of him, "Hey, I'm Monty," he says. The gentleman amicably replies, "Hola, soy Santiago."

Hearing the man's response, Monty immediately runs away and returns alarmed to his friend, shouting, "There's a Spanish in queue Jason"...

Someone should make a breakfast themed parody of Eminem's movie

It would be called "Oat-Mile"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Bee Movie was such a fucked up movie, it was literally about a bee who tried to have sex with a girl.

Who would want to have sex with a girl

Did you hear the Reddit Movie got cancelled?

It involved too much post production

What's a terrorist's favourite Star Wars movie?

Return of the Jihadi.

What do The Titanic and the movie Sixth Sense have in common?

Icey dead people