Stupid but I think it’s Hilarious

How does a momma bumble bee feed her baby?

I’ve only got 1% left on my battery, but I wanted to share this hilarious joke real quick!

Knock

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Hilarious, subversive memo sent to 20,000 federal employees early in computer mass-messaging age

This memo was sent out to 20,000 federal employees in my agency in the early 1990s, when federal computer systems first got mass messaging. The first incarnation of this system allowed *any employee* to mass message. Some low-level employee sent this to all. Needless to say, the agency immediatel...

I wanted to share this hilariously awful Polish joke with you, but...

I can't seem to find it on the PlayStation Store anymore.

What did the orange say to the door?

Mind if I squeeze in?

Written by my 4 year old daughter and I think it is hilarious.

Chiropractors are hilarious.

They crack me up.

Best incest joke? It's actually pretty hilarious, but I won't tell you.

We keep it in the family

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One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".

Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
 
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
Americ...

I have a girlfriend..

And other hilarious jokes i can tell myself.

Two guys are driving together late at night...

They notice a stake in the ground on the side of the road with the letters “RE” on it. “Hmmm” they wonder, “what’s that about?”

They continue on, and they notice another. Then one more.

At this point, the passenger merely sighs out of boredom, and then passes out, exhausted.

Mea...

Donald Trump answers the question: What is 2+2?

Donald Trump answers the question: What is 2+2?


"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, "What's 2+2"? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of...

The lion’s birthday is coming up and he wants entertainment.

So he tells the zebra to find the funniest animal in the whole kingdom. In order to do this the zebra decides to hold a competition in which animals will have to compete in front of a judge. Whoever the first one to makemake the judge laugh wins and will perform for the lion.

So the first thi...

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I asked my wife why she married me..

She said "Because you're really funny!"

I said "I thought it was because I was good in bed?"

She said "See? You're hilarious!"

I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious.

Laughing at my ex-pence.

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As new parents my wife and I had to deal with the first poop in the bath.

My daughter thought it was hilarious. I thought it was hilarious. My wife thinks I’m too old to be pooping in the bath.

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I used to think that clowns doing the 1930’s cream pie gag was hilarious

Until I realized that I too have also been creampied by clowns

A Girlfriend's Love

Me: Remind me again what made you fall in love with me.

GF: Baby, I love that no matter how sad I am you can always make me laugh

Me: Are you certain it isn't how great I am in bed?

GF: See baby, you are so hilarious

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A Woman Buys a Parrot

A woman goes to the pet store, looking to buy a family pet. At first she’s looking at all the cats and dogs but notices a beautiful green parrot with a price tag of only $5.

“Excuse me,” she asks an employee, “why is this parrot so cheap? It’s beautiful!”

The employee replies telling ...

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Boris Johnson dies...

His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem: We seldom see a Conservative here and we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer," says Johnso...

Queen Elizabeth and Indira Gandhi

My dad told me this joke when I was young, and I think it's HILARIOUS:

Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was once invited by Queen Elizabeth. Both of them were riding in the Queen's horse-driven carriage when one of the horses farted.

Petrified and embarrassed by the horse's toot, th...

Incest jokes are hilarious

Especially when everyone in the family gets in on it.

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7 hilarious jokes

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.’ The guy replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says ...

The lion, king of the jungle, was very bored.

The lion, king of the jungle, was very bored. He gathered all the animals of his kingdom and said:

"Each one of you must tell a joke. The joke must be funny enough to make everybody else laugh. Otherwise, I'll kill the one who told the joke."

The monkey was the first animal who had to ...

You know what would be a hilarious prank?

Make people study for 18 years and dont give them a job.

What do you call a hilarious mushroom

A fungi

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?

All the women raised their hands.


Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband - "I love y...

Hilarious Job Interview Answer

**Interviewer :** Why did you leave your last job ..?
**Guy :** The company shifted the office and didn't tell me where it is....

How do you make a napkin dance?

You put a little boogie in it. Dad jokes are lowkey hilarious also it’s my cake dayyy!

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Dave (I repost this because its hilarious)

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave ...

I was going to post a witty, hilarious and intelligent joke about time traveling

But you guys didn’t like it

Last time I traveled abroad airport security made a hilarious joke about my passport

I mean I had to hand it to them

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And it was fucking hilarious!

I once made a time travel joke.

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Gay people find everything hilarious

They just don't seem to be able to keep a straight face

I heard a hilarious joke about this procrastinator

But I don't feel like telling you guys about it yet.

I think dyslexia is hilarious.

So is tourettes you funch of cucking sock buckers!

My friends and I have a lot of fun riding jet skis That time we had a fatal crash on the coast was especially hilarious.

We littorally died.

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There were once three brothers...

They loved to go hunting together. All season long they would get up at the crack of dawn to hunt deer in the woods. However, the youngest brother had chronic bowel issues. He would try to get his “business” done before they started their hunting, but sometimes he would have to take some time in the...

Vietnam veteran's hilarious true story

A bunch of US soldiers were marching across a field. One of the guys says to his buddy, "Hey, do you see where we are?" He looks around and realizes they are walking through a massive field of marijuana. The soldiers started breaking off plants and stuffing them into their clothes and their helmets,...

My mom thinks I'm hilarious, so

I'm just posting this here to finally prove that woman wrong.

I need your hilarious minds.

Help me come up with a funny thing to dress up as for a party that’s themed “be my date on this date”. AKA, dress up as a day of the year or holiday. Fave idea so far is going as a box for boxing day.

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What do you call a sea Captain's hilarious fictional book about bellybuttons?

*A novel naval navel novel.*

Edit: I'm so sorry. I had to exorcise this shitty joke out of my head before it drove me insane.

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A man walks into a brothel...

A man walks into a brothel. He says to the madam, "Excuse me miss, what can I get with $10?" The Madam thinks for a second and says, "Well not much, but follow me". She leads the man down the hall and opens a door to room containing a mirror on the wall and a duck. "A duck!?" the man says. "Well for...

My friend told me everytime he goes to this sub he finds new hilarious jokes

I was surprised at first, but then I remembered he has a short-term memory.

I sent a joke to my friend...

I saw a funny joke and decided to mail it to my friend. I wrote a letter and gave it to the post office. The postman took the letter and went to do his rounds. As the postman arrived at my friends address, he decided to take a peek inside. As he read the letter, he burst out laughing and decided to ...

Trying to think of a hilarious Good Friday joke...

I really want to nail this.

What horror movie would Shakespeare find hilarious?

The Thing

Ten years ago today I married my best friend

My girlfriend didn't think it was funny, but Steve and I were drunk and thought it was hilarious at the time.

They call it Mormon but the last time I checked the men are always after more women.

My GF thought her joke was hilarious.

The most hilarious Yo Mama Jokes, Let's do it guys!

Three from my side:

Your Mama So Fat,

when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...

she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!

folk exercise by jogging around her!

A joke by Mirza Ghalib (renowned Urdu / Persian poet) translated into English

Not sure if the humor is lost in translation but I found it hilarious. Anyway here goes:



I got drunk under the influence of love and told her that she’s my Goddess;

I immediately sobered up when she told me that Goddesses are worshipped by many.

*GRANDMA IN COURT..* Brilliantly Hilarious:

Lawyers should never ask grandmas a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer!

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.

He approached her and asked; _"Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"_

She responded, _"Why, ye...

A couple fingers, Vaseline, and the grace of God

Not an original joke but hilarious nonetheless. Presented for your enjoyment.


This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.

The noise would wake his w...

Did you hear the joke about the high wall?

It's hilarious, I'm still trying to get over it!

I told a mitosis joke in school once

I thought it was hilarious, but the class was divided.

what's the most hilarious thing a spoiled brat might say?

No I'm not

My friend told me this hilarious joke about Parkinson's last night

But I don't want to tell it because I'm a little shaky on the details.

Remember when we thought 2016 was a terrible year?

That was hilarious, wasn't it.

I wanted to tell a depressing, sad joke that was hilarious

So I phoned up Trump and said "that was hilarious"

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[NSFW] A guy walks into a bar (Warning, very long but VERY hilarious joke) It's my favorite one to tell.

He asks the bartender for a rum and coke and the bartender gives him an apple. The man is confused at first, but the bartender says "trust me, take a bite". The man takes a bite and proclaims, "Oh my god, this tastes like rum!" The bartender responds, "Now turn it around and take another bite." Th...

[This isn't a joke but something on the sub I'd like to talk about - hopefully this doesn't get removed]

Can we all stop complaining about people using other people's jokes? Please?

The whole point of a joke is to make people laugh, so when we hear a funny joke we want to share it with others! How often have you come up with a hilarious original joke? Most jokes you tell were someone else's firs...

I came up with a hilarious joke about fermat

But the margin was too small to contain it

today i saw two blind guys fighting

i yelled he has a knife they both ran away so fast it was hilarious

The most German joke I know (source: am German): Why are there so few crimes in Germany?

Because its illegal.


edit: danke kind stranger for the gold, I will put it in my grandchildrens Sparbuch of course

edit2: the thing with the anti joke is that its not really an anti joke in German, what makes it more hilarious, for, you know... Germans.

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Uncle Eddy, Grandmaster of Great Jokes and Hilarious Comebacks

Little Jimmy was walking down the road, kicking the dust, when suddenly he found two circus tickets. He runs home to his father and says: "Daddy! Daddy! I have found two tickets to the circus! Will you come to the circus with me?"

"I'm sorry son, but your mother is sick, I'm taking care of he...

Trump jokes are hilarious...

Until you realize they're not jokes.

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