Hilarious Joke

A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”

“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie.

“I can’t,” says...

Best incest joke? It's actually pretty hilarious, but I won't tell you.

We keep it in the family

Remember when we thought 2016 was a terrible year?

That was hilarious, wasn't it.

I’ve only got 1% left on my battery, but I wanted to share this hilarious joke real quick!

Knock

I told a mitosis joke in school once

I thought it was hilarious, but the class was divided.

I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious.

Laughing at my ex-pence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to think that clowns doing the 1930’s cream pie gag was hilarious

Until I realized that I too have also been creampied by clowns

A cop is speeding on the highway when he notices in his rear view mirror that he is being followed by an old lady.

Going over 100 mph, he realizes the civilian's car is going way too fast and needs to slow down. The cop begins to decelerate and the car follows suit. Eventually, the cop pulls over and the car pulls over as well. An old lady comes out of the car and stumbles up to the cop's window, almost tripping...

A couple fingers, Vaseline, and the grace of God

Not an original joke but hilarious nonetheless. Presented for your enjoyment.


This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.

The noise would wake his w...

Did you guys hear the joke about the high wall

It's hilarious,
I'm still trying to get over it!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How Come Big Dogs Make Little Dogs and Big Cats Make Little Cats But Why Cant Big Trains Make Little Trains?

I am 55 and this is my first joke that I learned and told.

Little Johnny was wondering one day and decided to ask his dad.... “Dad, how come big dogs can make little dogs and big cats can make little cats but why can’t Big trains make little trains?”
Little Johnny’s father replied “Well ...

Hilarious Job Interview Answer

**Interviewer :** Why did you leave your last job ..?
**Guy :** The company shifted the office and didn't tell me where it is....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Settling The Ultimate Debate (LONG, OC)

Jerry didn't really like his name, but it could have been much worse. He could have been named after his father Zorelle. Jerry had a dyslexic brother named Dave who worshipped Christopher Reeve and loved quoting the old Superman movies.

One day while in quarantine, Jerry was up early browsin...

Incest jokes are hilarious

Especially when everyone in the family gets in on it.

I was going to post a witty, hilarious and intelligent joke about time traveling

But you guys didn’t like it

[This isn't a joke but something on the sub I'd like to talk about - hopefully this doesn't get removed]

Can we all stop complaining about people using other people's jokes? Please?

The whole point of a joke is to make people laugh, so when we hear a funny joke we want to share it with others! How often have you come up with a hilarious original joke? Most jokes you tell were someone else's firs...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my wife why she married me.

She said “Because you are funny.” I said “I thought it was because I was good in bed.” She said “See? You’re hilarious!”

I heard a hilarious joke about this procrastinator

But I don't feel like telling you guys about it yet.

Im as funny as a rock

Normally boring and sedimentary. But hilarious when thrown at someone

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What thing starts with F and ends in UCK?

Firetruck.
Kid's thought this was fucking hilarious.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

7 hilarious jokes

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.’ The guy replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gay people find everything hilarious

They just don't seem to be able to keep a straight face

The lion’s birthday is coming up and he wants entertainment.

So he tells the zebra to find the funniest animal in the whole kingdom. In order to do this the zebra decides to hold a competition in which animals will have to compete in front of a judge. Whoever the first one to makemake the judge laugh wins and will perform for the lion.

So the first thi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

And it was fucking hilarious!

I once made a time travel joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dave (I repost this because its hilarious)

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave ...

Last time I traveled abroad airport security made a hilarious joke about my passport

I mean I had to hand it to them

Two guys are driving together late at night

They notice a stake in the ground on the side of the road with the letters “RE” on it. “Hmmm” they ponder, “what’s that about?”

They continue on, and they notice another. Then one more.

At this point, the passenger merely sighs out of boredom, and then passes out, exhausted.

Mea...

At dinner last night

The waiter kept making the freudian slip calling the caesar salad caesarean salad. I asked him if he had any natural births, because I am eating organic.

Nobody at the table found this funny so I thought I would share because I found it hilarious.

My friends and I have a lot of fun riding jet skis That time we had a fatal crash on the coast was especially hilarious.

We littorally died.

I think dyslexia is hilarious.

So is tourettes you funch of cucking sock buckers!

What do you call a hilarious mushroom

A fungi

I made a playlist for hiking.

...
...
It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries and Eminem.
I call it my Trail Mix.


I did not come up with the joke. I just heard it from a friend and thought it was hilarious and wanted to share it hoping it would make someone else smile as well :)

You know what would be a hilarious prank?

Make people study for 18 years and dont give them a job.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two whales are hanging out

While they’re hanging out having a great time they happen to see a fishing boat approaching

The first whale tells the other, “It would be hilarious if you got under the boat, blew air through your blowhole and gave them a good scare”

The second whale agrees and makes its way under the ...

My mom thinks I'm hilarious, so

I'm just posting this here to finally prove that woman wrong.

I need your hilarious minds.

Help me come up with a funny thing to dress up as for a party that’s themed “be my date on this date”. AKA, dress up as a day of the year or holiday. Fave idea so far is going as a box for boxing day.

What horror movie would Shakespeare find hilarious?

The Thing

What do you call a Jamaican lizard that always wants to know what’s going on?

A Whataguana

(I made this up when I was quite drunk and I thought it was hilarious)

Hairstyle Competition

Hello, my name is John and I would like to tell you about the time I entered a hairstyle competition. You see, I have always loved trying out different hairstyles and colors. It is something I have put great effort into!

It was about February of last year that the idea of entering a hairstyle...

what's the most hilarious thing a spoiled brat might say?

No I'm not

3 years ago I married my best friend..

My girlfriend was angry, but me and Dave thought it would be hilarious

An English teacher pulls his student aside after class and goes off on him.

Every time you forget to properly punctuate your work. Please, it's the hundredth time I've asked you, can't you get it through your thick skull? Seriously, it's not that hard. The last time I told you off was what, a day ago? Every time it's the same thing, the same mistakes. It's not a hard thing ...

Trying to think of a hilarious Good Friday joke...

I really want to nail this.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a sea Captain's hilarious fictional book about bellybuttons?

*A novel naval navel novel.*

Edit: I'm so sorry. I had to exorcise this shitty joke out of my head before it drove me insane.

Vietnam veteran's hilarious true story

A bunch of US soldiers were marching across a field. One of the guys says to his buddy, "Hey, do you see where we are?" He looks around and realizes they are walking through a massive field of marijuana. The soldiers started breaking off plants and stuffing them into their clothes and their helmets,...

My wife has NO sense of humor

I still thought "hi 'Drowning', I'm Dad!" was hilarious.

My five-year-old, everyone.

My insanely witty five-year-old, ladies and gentlemen:

 

Step-daughter: "I'm hungry."

Me: "Nice to meet you, hungry, I'm dad."

Her: "Ahhhhgh could you not say that anymore?"

Me: "Aw why not, sweets?"

Her: "Because I don't like it when you call me na...

A nun walks into a bar

She bought everyone drinks all night. She told hilarious jokes and even did a one armed handstand while chugging a beer.
She was the best . . . bar nun.

My friend told me everytime he goes to this sub he finds new hilarious jokes

I was surprised at first, but then I remembered he has a short-term memory.

The most German joke I know (source: am German): Why are there so few crimes in Germany?

Because its illegal.


edit: danke kind stranger for the gold, I will put it in my grandchildrens Sparbuch of course

edit2: the thing with the anti joke is that its not really an anti joke in German, what makes it more hilarious, for, you know... Germans.

What did Jesus say after he resurrected on the third day?

“You crossed the wrong guy”



I think all the redditors will agree, with this joke, I nailed it

My friend told me this hilarious joke about Parkinson's last night

But I don't want to tell it because I'm a little shaky on the details.

I wanted to tell a depressing, sad joke that was hilarious

So I phoned up Trump and said "that was hilarious"

The most hilarious Yo Mama Jokes, Let's do it guys!

Three from my side:

Your Mama So Fat,

when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...

she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!

folk exercise by jogging around her!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Teresa May dies...

Her soul arrives in heaven and she is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem: We seldom see a Conservative here and we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says May. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob the ant wanted to be a stand-up comedian

He had a wild, bold, and crazy personality and sense of humor. He knew he would be hilarious if he just had the opportunity to get in front of a crowd.
 

So Bob the ant went around town auditioning for gigs. He let his crazy attitude go full force at the judges. They weren’t too impressed,...

*GRANDMA IN COURT..* Brilliantly Hilarious:

Lawyers should never ask grandmas a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer!

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.

He approached her and asked; _"Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"_

She responded, _"Why, ye...

A man goes to a funeral and asks the widow:

Mind if I say a word?"
She says: "Please do."
The man clears his throat and says: "Plethora."
The widow replies: "Thanks, that means a lot."





Edit: thank you for the WONDERFUL cascade of follow on jokes below. Hilarious


Edit 2: First Gold. Cheers mate🥂

Trump jokes are hilarious...

Until you realize they're not jokes.

Sharing a meal is hilarious.

You'll be splitting your sides.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A guy walks into a bar (Warning, very long but VERY hilarious joke) It's my favorite one to tell.

He asks the bartender for a rum and coke and the bartender gives him an apple. The man is confused at first, but the bartender says "trust me, take a bite". The man takes a bite and proclaims, "Oh my god, this tastes like rum!" The bartender responds, "Now turn it around and take another bite." Th...

I came up with a hilarious joke about fermat

But the margin was too small to contain it

A new jokes store opens up in town.

A kid walks in to check out the place early the next day. Looking all around, he sees that the store has several recognizable items (such as whoopie cushions) and some unique items that he'd never seen before. There was also a wall full of candy, with weird names such as "Hoot Gummies" and "Woof Bar...

Its hilariously ironic that the first gold medal won was by the U.S...

For Shooting

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With the way I see Asian people driving, it got me thinking...

Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.