A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, "My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke. The moral of the stor...

I was confused why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa.

Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.

They bless the rains down in Africa.

I made this up on the spot and I'm really proud of it.

This isn't the best joke, but I'm really proud of how it came out. My sister and I are both in town visiting our parents for the first time in years. I keep dropping bad puns and my sister keeps yelling at me.

Tonight, we were telling stories from our youth, and I told her this one. She was r...

John and his girlfriend Mary decide to become bank-robbers.

Mary does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while John waits outside as the getaway driver. They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and they become folk-heroes. Until one day their luck runs out and they get caught.

At trial, the judge condemns ...

Two ghosts were sharing stories of their deaths.

Juan asked first, "What killed you?"

"I was locked inside a fridge," Pedro said, "I was cold and trembling, then suffocated after an hour."

"That sucks man," replied Juan. "I got a heart attack and passed away."

"What happened?", asked Pedro.

"As I got...

Why does a Patisserie thief always tell the most remarkable stories?

They always take the cake.

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For my cake day, I want to share a joke my friend told me

When I was born, god gave me the option between choosing the ability to finish stories, or having a big dick.

Obviously, I chose

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2 hunters chat about their hunting stories

2 hunters talk about what has happened to them and the first one says... "Once, when I was in Africa and I was hunting I feel something is behind me... so I turn around and see a huge lion right behind me ...so I start running in order to escape but it was getting closer and closer but when it just ...

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The Grade 2 pupils returned to class after the long weekend. Their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories.

First Pupil: "I visited my Nana." Teacher: "Please use adult words, you visited your Grandmother."

Second Pupil: I had a ride on a choo-choo." Teacher: "Please, you had a ride on a train."

Third Pupil: I read a whole book by myself for the first time." Teacher: "Excellent. And what was...

Top news stories for yesterday

CNN: Trump phone call

MSNBC: Trump phone call

Fox news: Does walking a dog make you happier?

Jack, a renown atheist, dies and to his utter surprise ends up in hell where he's greeted by Satan himself. Completely shocked he talks to the devil and says: "Welp, I've been wrong all my life and I guess I'm now to pay the price for my lack of faith". Satan laughs and replies: Awh it's not so bad.

He then proceeds to escort Jack through a beautiful lush green plain with flowers, scattered here and there there's a bunch of houses where other "damned" live. As they pass through each house the inhabitants recognize Satan and invite them inside for a drink and a chat, a request that's always gran...

What stories did Vikings tell their children?

Norsery Rhymes

What do you call the collective of all movies, songs, and stories about dogs?

Pup culture

IRL Accidental joke story

IDK where to post this but I figured I'd make some people chuckle before it gets taken down. But if someone in comments could point out a subreddit for funny stories, thanks that'd be awesome.

Was working on a neighbors overhang/pergola and roof (damages, old house). His 4 year old kid was as...

A young boy says to his mother, "When I grow up, I'll have two wives just like the king in the stories."

Mother: "But which one of them will put you to bed?"

The boy thinks for a while and then says, "Neither. I want only you to do that."

Tears of joy well up in the mother's eyes and she blesses her son,"May you live long."

She then proceeds to ask the son,"Whom will your two wives...

What’s the best first name for a news anchor that breaks a lot of big stories?

This: Justin.

A boy gets a parrot for his birthday

A boy gets a pet parrot for his birthday.

The parrot is constantly swearing, and saying rude things. The boy tries to teach his parrot to stop saying bad words and things like that. He plays calm music to the parrot, he reads stories to the parrot, he tries everything he can to get the parrot...

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Three young college kids on break for summer vacation decided to explore the far ends of the world and see what unique stories and legends they could experience.

Upon their journey, they find a small town filled with families and friends who have lived there for generations on end. The three talk it over and decide it would be fun to stay the night and go chat with the locals to see what transpires.

After checking into the lodge they proceed to unpac...

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Young sex

A 25 year old is at a bar with a coworker. He’s telling stories a out all the crazy shit his girlfriend wants to do in bed, that she wants it day and night and wont take no for an answer. The coworker replies”i mean thats gotta be pretty awesome”. The man replies dude you have no idea. It was ...

I used to think skipping to the ends of stories would save time...

...but then I learned to stop jumping to conclusions.

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