UPJOKE
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I've just started to read a horror novel in braille.

Something bad is gonna happen. I can feel it.

Saw a man in a parking lot throwing Stephen King novels at people

I couldn't figure out why. Then It hit me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wrote a novel about an old man who grows younger every time he masturbates.

It's a coming of age story.

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger’s cat and Pavlov’s dog team up for a cross county adventure…

So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.

The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend's writing an erotic novel about a sociopathic sex addict.

It's called 'Journal.'

How many mystery novel writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in almost all the way, and another one to give it a surprising twist at the end.

I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!"

I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."

Which is Coronavirus’ favorite novel?

Around the world in eighty days.

Farmers writing romance novels...

Her body tensed and quivered as she felt wave after wave surge through her.



I probably should have told her about the new electric fence.

What do you call a chicken that writes mystery novels?

Eggatha Christie

What sort of dinosaur writes romance novels?

A Brontësaurus

Okay, we need a title for our fantasy novel involving dragons. Any ideas?

…Dragon?

It can’t just be Dragon.

Umm… Cragon?

No, that’s awful. Come on, think harder.

Umm…. Eragon?

….Bingo.

Have you read the new calculus novel?

I thought it was pretty derivative.

I tried reading Dostoevsky's novels in Chinese

But there were too many characters.

My self-published novel

Isn’t going to publish itself.

A chicken goes into the library, walks up to the librarian, and says, “Book.”

The librarian says, “You want a book?”

“Book.”

“Any book?”

“Book.”

So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off it goes. An hour later the chicken comes back and says, “Bookbook.”

The librarian says, “Now you want two books?”

“Book-book.”

So she...

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An unpublished manuscript of Hemingway’s last novel has been discovered. It’s about a man in his seventies trying to learn programming.

The Old Man and the C.

What do you call it when someone's working on an erotic novel and gets writer's block?

Textual frustration.

I'm writing a mystery novel,

Or am I?

Nobody has written a novel about writing a novel.

It's a novel, novel novel idea.

I wrote my first erotic novel

The characters were a bit disjointed but they all came together in the end

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the medical student who wrote a porn novel?

It's called 50 Shades of Grey's Anatomy.

There have been countless people criticizing Donald Trump for his delayed reaction to the Novel Coronavirus

Probably could have gotten things going a lot quicker with a picturebook Coronavirus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the porn star’s favorite classic novel?

It’s entitled “Catch Her In The Eye.”

I’m writing a fantasy novel about two knights who fall into the rogue and Paladin archetypes. I’m calling it…

Silent Knight, Holy Knight

Just read a Calvinist romance novel

It’s called “Irresistible Grace”

I’ve read my first Stephen King novel

IT was a Maine event

A man has the opportunity to win a million dollars if he can cross lake Superior in a 16 foot sailboat...

The people sponsoring the challenge give the man two choices of what he can bring on the boat to assist him. He can either bring a large box of novels or two criminals. However, the people running the competition get to choose what the books are and who the criminals are.

The man realizes the...

Now that we’re almost done with the Novel Coronavirus,

When can I expect the movie adaptation

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I'm writing my first novel

It's about a biker gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs. I'm going to call the book The Bikings.

My favorite novel is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

Donald Trump has never finished reading a novel.

He can't make it passed chapter 11.

Why do they call it the novel Coronavirus?

It's a long story...

Every time I read a Stephen King novel, I get really confused.

Too many Maine characters.

What is a Mexican's favorite novel?

Tequila Mockingbird

My jokes are like the Novel coronavirus

You might not get them right away, but they will hit you later.

I wanna write a mystery novel

Or do i?

I have actually written one

Or have i?

I am sorry i wont do this again

Or wil i?

I always find the plots of Stephen King novels easy to follow.

There’s always a Maine character.

I read a novel about a cult that sacrifices books

It was a real page-burner

I just read a novel that took place in the world's smallest graveyard

Honestly, it sucked. It didn't even have a plot.

I spent a year writing a romance novel where two blood cells meet and fall in love. It never got published.

It was all in vein.

My breast wrote a novel about itself.

It's the titular character.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Charles Dickens wrote The Lord of the Rings, how would the novel have started?

It was the best of Shires. It was the Worcestershires.

Ever since 2017, my New Year’s resolution has been to work on my novel.

Four years going and I’ve almost finished reading it!

After 3 years I finally finished my first novel.

I enjoyed it so much I might read another one.

Have you heard about the new fiction novel coming this year?

Its the memoirs of Trumps presidency

What is the most popular novel in Mexico?

Tequila mocking bird

What is a Finnish person's favorite novel?

East of Sweden

It's hard to establish when this novel Coronavirus will be over.

We'd have preferred a short story.

What would you call the Qur’an if it were a novel?

The Qur’anicles of Mohammad

An amateur poet attempted to write a novel.

Unfortunately, he failed because novels are for pros.

What's a Mexican's favourite novel?

Tequila Mockingbird.


(I'm sure this joke has been made before, but I thought it up this morning.)

What did the erotic novel author get from his editor?

Sticky notes.

What did he get from his publisher?

A hard copy.

I’m writing a novel about a guy that can kill with words

Working title “Death Sentence”

Tom Hanks was recently quoted talking about how much he disliked one of Stephen King's novels.

T. Hanks: I hate It.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once read a novel about a man who becomes infatuated with a 60 year old former prostitute.

It's basically about a guy who falls for the oldest trick in the book.

They say Covid-19, the novel coronavirus is one of the worst things that's happened in recent years

But if you think this is bad, just wait till you see the movie adaptation!

The circus arrives in town with a novel act - make the bull elephant kneel down and win $1000.

After watching various people trying everything Jimmy steps up to the elephant and gives it a mighty kick in the balls. The elephant collapses and its owner, cursing Jimmy's foul methods, hands over the cash.

The circus moves on to the next town and Jimmy, recognising a good opportunity, foll...

Charlotte Bronte wrote a horror novel

Jane Scare.

Emily wrote one about aircraft turbulence:

Wuthering Flights.


(I do apologise for this)

What is the difference between being a vegan and suffering from the novel coronavirus?

In the case of COVID-19, the loss of sense of taste is only temporary.

I don't understand why everyone is so concerned about the Novel "Coronavirus"...

Personally, I'm waiting for Coronavirus the movie to come out before I make up my mind.

I read a suspense novel about suicide.

The ending really left me hanging.

Why can't you own just one Stephen King novel?

Because 'Misery' loves company.

I realized that I get aroused when I read the last chapter of a novel.

I just came to the conclusion.

I'm writing an erotic novel featuring tea and pastries.

I'm calling it "Romancing the Scone."

They polled Britons on their favorite Jane Austen novel

52% prefer Pride & Prejudice to Sense & Sensibility

What do you call a 3-part novel about Michael Jackson?

A Thriller-gy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What genre consists of erotic novels?

Cliterature

2020 is like living in the Stephen King novels The Stand and The Dead Zone at the same time.

If clowns show up next, that’s IT I’m outta here!

I was gunna write the great American nursing home romance novel...

....but the title "50 Shades of Grey" was already taken.

What did John do when the dog ate his crime novel?

He stole the words right out of its mouth

My English teacher said I had to write 1000 words on the new Margaret Atwood novel

I managed about 50 before the librarian snatched it back off me

I wrote a 200,000 word novel about a French actor who is persecuted for his art.

It's called, "Mime and Punishment".

I asked the librarian if she knew of any authors who wrote dinosaur novels.

She said "Try Sarah Topps!"

When I was young, there were double novels...

books that had one story right side up on one side, one story upside down on the other side.

So I'm at a flea market and I find one of those old gems. I have to have it. I start reading and I'm loving it. Brought me back to my youth...until I realized someone tore out the middle page. Now I ...

A Native American just published a novel

Critics consider it a Seminole work.

I was going to write a novel about an overcrowded cemetery.

But there was no plot

A 300 page novel with a 50 page introductory essay written by the author walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Why the long preface?"

Did you read the novel about the US drug epidemic?

The heroin gets abused.

What do you get when you cross hard alcohol with a classic American novel?

Tequil-a Mockinbird

When people ask me what my favorite Stephen King novel is...

I've said it before and I'll say it again

I was driving down the highway today and saw a woman in the lane next to me reading a novel while driving

I was so angry that I stopped texting and flipped her off

I was walking past a movie theater showing "The Black Phone" and some guy standing out front was saying, "Stephen King is my dad and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!" I said to him...

"Surely you must be Joe."

I wanted to share my novel based on the phone book over twitter

But it's got more than 140 characters

How many monkeys does it take to write a Shakespeare novel by accident?

As many as it takes /r/jokes submitters to write an original joke. (by accident)^^^♻

I wanted to reserve a copy of a new novel coming out

But they were all booked

What do you call Kim Jong-un reading a Stephen King novel?

Fearless Reader

What do you call someone who can't stop reading Nancy Drew novels?

A heroine addict.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex with a prostitute in a clown costume before Stephen King wrote that horror novel.

In a pro pre-It.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the sapiosexual go to the library on a date?

Because they were looking for a novel romance!

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