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Novel Jokes

I've just started to read a horror novel in braille.

Something bad is gonna happen. I can feel it.

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger’s cat and Pavlov’s dog team up for a cross county adventure…

So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.

The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not.

Saw a man in a parking lot throwing Stephen King novels at people

I couldn't figure out why. Then It hit me.

I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!"

I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend's writing an erotic novel about a sociopathic sex addict.

It's called 'Journal.'

How many mystery novel writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in almost all the way, and another one to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Which is Coronavirus’ favorite novel?

Around the world in eighty days.

A chicken goes into the library, walks up to the librarian, and says, “Book.”

The librarian says, “You want a book?”

“Book.”

“Any book?”

“Book.”

So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off it goes. An hour later the chicken comes back and says, “Bookbook.”

The librarian says, “Now you want two books?”

“Book-book.”

So she...

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An unpublished manuscript of Hemingway’s last novel has been discovered. It’s about a man in his seventies trying to learn programming.

The Old Man and the C.

Okay, we need a title for our fantasy novel involving dragons. Any ideas?

…Dragon?

It can’t just be Dragon.

Umm… Cragon?

No, that’s awful. Come on, think harder.

Umm…. Eragon?

….Bingo.

I’m writing a fantasy novel about two knights who fall into the rogue and Paladin archetypes. I’m calling it…

Silent Knight, Holy Knight

What do you call it when someone's working on an erotic novel and gets writer's block?

Textual frustration.

I spent a year writing a romance novel where two blood cells meet and fall in love. It never got published.

It was all in vein.

Every time I read a Stephen King novel, I get really confused.

Too many Maine characters.

Have you read the new calculus novel?

I thought it was pretty derivative.

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I wrote a novel about a man who grows younger every time he masturbates.

It's a coming of age story.

I was walking past a movie theater showing "The Black Phone" and some guy standing out front was saying, "Stephen King is my dad and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!" I said to him...

"Surely you must be Joe."

My self-published novel

Isn’t going to publish itself.

A man has the opportunity to win a million dollars if he can cross lake Superior in a 16 foot sailboat...

The people sponsoring the challenge give the man two choices of what he can bring on the boat to assist him. He can either bring a large box of novels or two criminals. However, the people running the competition get to choose what the books are and who the criminals are.

The man realizes the...

Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard's greatest Science Fiction novel?

Dianetics !

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Three men are standing at the pearly gates...

St. Peter tells them, "As you all know God has a sense of humor and his latest idea is to put the Kingdom of Heaven several hundred miles from the Pearly Gates."
"How is that supposed to be funny?" one guy asks.
"Well, God had the novel idea of allowing those admitted into Heaven a vehicle to...

What do you call a dinosaur that writes romance novels?

A Brontë-saurus.

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If Charles Dickens wrote The Lord of the Rings, how would the novel have started?

It was the best of Shires. It was the Worcestershires.

Ever since 2017, my New Year’s resolution has been to work on my novel.

Four years going and I’ve almost finished reading it!

I tried reading Dostoevsky's novels in Chinese

But there were too many characters.

There have been countless people criticizing Donald Trump for his delayed reaction to the Novel Coronavirus

Probably could have gotten things going a lot quicker with a picturebook Coronavirus

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Did you hear about the porn star’s favorite classic novel?

It’s entitled “Catch Her In The Eye.”

I just had a novel idea...

I can't wait for the movie adaptation to find out what it was.

I wrote my first erotic novel

The characters were a bit disjointed but they all came together in the end

I just read a novel that took place in the world's smallest graveyard

Honestly, it sucked. It didn't even have a plot.

I always find the plots of Stephen King novels easy to follow.

There’s always a Maine character.

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Did you hear about the medical student who wrote a porn novel?

It's called 50 Shades of Grey's Anatomy.

The circus arrives in town with a novel act - make the bull elephant kneel down and win $1000.

After watching various people trying everything Jimmy steps up to the elephant and gives it a mighty kick in the balls. The elephant collapses and its owner, cursing Jimmy's foul methods, hands over the cash.

The circus moves on to the next town and Jimmy, recognising a good opportunity, foll...

Just read a Calvinist romance novel

It’s called “Irresistible Grace”

Now that we’re almost done with the Novel Coronavirus,

When can I expect the movie adaptation

What is the most popular novel in Mexico?

Tequila mocking bird

What did the erotic novel author get from his editor?

Sticky notes.

What did he get from his publisher?

A hard copy.

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I once read a novel about a man who becomes infatuated with a 60 year old former prostitute.

It's basically about a guy who falls for the oldest trick in the book.

I realized that I get aroused when I read the last chapter of a novel.

I just came to the conclusion.

They say Covid-19, the novel coronavirus is one of the worst things that's happened in recent years

But if you think this is bad, just wait till you see the movie adaptation!

2020 is like living in the Stephen King novels The Stand and The Dead Zone at the same time.

If clowns show up next, that’s IT I’m outta here!

You know that I can tell Donald Trump has never finished a novel...

He can't get past chapter 11

Have you heard about the new fiction novel coming this year?

Its the memoirs of Trumps presidency

Tom Hanks was recently quoted talking about how much he disliked one of Stephen King's novels.

T. Hanks: I hate It.

My favorite novel is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

What is a Mexican's favorite novel?

Tequila Mockingbird

I read a novel about a cult that sacrifices books

It was a real page-burner

I was driving down the highway today and saw a woman in the lane next to me reading a novel while driving

I was so angry that I stopped texting and flipped her off

What is the difference between being a vegan and suffering from the novel coronavirus?

In the case of COVID-19, the loss of sense of taste is only temporary.

Nobody has written a novel about writing a novel.

It's a novel, novel novel idea.

I’m writing a novel about a guy that can kill with words

Working title “Death Sentence”

I saw the movie version of coronavirus...

But the novel coronavirus was much better.

A man goes to the movies. . .

but when he sits down he notices that the person in the seat next to him looks like a penguin. with a bucket of popcorn on it's 'lap'.

Well, he can't believe his eyes since the cinema is dim and all that.

'It must be a kid in a costume' he thinks to himself.

But as he looks clos...

My jokes are like the Novel coronavirus

You might not get them right away, but they will hit you later.

Plant scientists have used genetic engineering to create a new variety of orange.

The novel navel.

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A priest said that masturbation is the devils typewriter

Guess im writing a novel tonight

It's hard to establish when this novel Coronavirus will be over.

We'd have preferred a short story.

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A New York writer is tired of all the people and noise of the big city

He believes that a quiet place will help him focus so that he can finish his novel. The man moves to an island in Northern Europe with pasture as far as the eye can see and no other houses for miles. After a year of writing he starts to feel lonely. Then, he hears a booming knock on his door. When h...

My breast wrote a novel about itself.

It's the titular character.

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Computer idiots (Warning: Old)

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" k...

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What do you call a sea Captain's hilarious fictional book about bellybuttons?

*A novel naval navel novel.*

Edit: I'm so sorry. I had to exorcise this shitty joke out of my head before it drove me insane.

I wanna write a mystery novel

Or do i?

I have actually written one

Or have i?

I am sorry i wont do this again

Or wil i?

In recent weeks, interest in reading long works of fiction has gone way down

Due to the novel coronavirus

I wrote a 200,000 word novel about a French actor who is persecuted for his art.

It's called, "Mime and Punishment".

Hey dad, wanna see my new book?

Yeah son, so long as it's not the novel coronavirus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was making an apple pie and realised I was missing an important ingredient. [long]

I got a rather verbose birthday card some time back containing a story - this is my retelling of it:

I was making an apple pie and realised I was missing an important ingredient.

Unfortunately, I was up to my elbows in sticky mixture and didn't really want to have to go through the faf...

After 3 years I finally finished my first novel.

I enjoyed it so much I might read another one.

What would you call the Qur’an if it were a novel?

The Qur’anicles of Mohammad

I Started Watching A New Series During Lockdown

It's a series about how a respiratory illness spread throughout the world in 2019 and 2020, and damaged many economies, as well as caused many people to lose their lives...the illness is even said to have originated in China. Despite similarities, the writers say it's not based on the novel, *Corona...

My English teacher said I had to write 1000 words on the new Margaret Atwood novel

I managed about 50 before the librarian snatched it back off me

My wife: Why don’t you write a book instead of your stupid word play jokes?

Me: That’s .....a novel idea.

I really hate stereotyping.

The novel my stereo typed was garbage.

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I'm writing my first novel

It's about a biker gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs. I'm going to call the book The Bikings.

My wife said I’m not sophisticated.

I said, “that’s ridiculous, why, I’m reading a novel right now that’s full of subtext.

She was impressed and asked, “what novel?” I said, “The Hunt for Red October.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did somebody say limerick? (NSFW)

There once was a man from Bombay

Who fashioned a cunt out of clay

But the heat of his prick

Turned it into a brick

And it chafed all his foreskin away.

________________________



(Can't take credit for that - I read it in a John Irving novel. *The Cide...

I don't understand why everyone is so concerned about the Novel "Coronavirus"...

Personally, I'm waiting for Coronavirus the movie to come out before I make up my mind.

I asked the librarian if she knew of any authors who wrote dinosaur novels.

She said "Try Sarah Topps!"

Stephen kings writing style is...

Novel.

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A man goes on a date with a patent examiner.

Things are going well, so they go back to his place, and end up having sex.

Afterwards, the man asks his date, "So, do you want to do this again tomorrow?"

His date replies: "I will report that your technique, while novel, is obvious to one skilled in the art. Also I found some of you...

The most terrifying horror story... ever

Nester absolutely loves horror stories. From ghost and apparitions, to science-fiction, he enjoys reading all of them. One day while he visits a newly-opened bookstore, he got a glimpse on a rather unusual-looking book. A thin, hard-covered novel with no title.

As he examined the book, the o...

I was helping my grandpa fold some laundry yesterday and noticed something odd. On one shirt he had a silloutte of Sherlock Holmes, on another a picture of Harry Potter, on a third was printed an image of Frankenstein, and on a fourth, a girl who appeared to be Anne of Green Gables.

I asked my grandpa, "Are all these graphic shirts really yours?"

"Yes they are, " my grandpa replied sheepishly "I just can't resist buying novel tees."

Why can't you own just one Stephen King novel?

Because 'Misery' loves company.

What is a Finnish person's favorite novel?

East of Sweden

What do you get when you cross hard alcohol with a classic American novel?

Tequil-a Mockinbird

An amateur poet attempted to write a novel.

Unfortunately, he failed because novels are for pros.

They polled Britons on their favorite Jane Austen novel

52% prefer Pride & Prejudice to Sense & Sensibility

What do you call a comic drawn with only a pencil?

A graphite novel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend who was sick of my jokes says

"How about you stop sitting on your ass all day coming up with terrible puns, and start writing a book or something!"

Me: "Now that.... is a novel idea!!!!"

I'm writing an erotic novel featuring tea and pastries.

I'm calling it "Romancing the Scone."

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