UPJOKE
fictionprosenewbooknovelistmemoirrobinson crusoegenrekoranbiographyromanceherman melvillenarrativefreshrefreshing

Saw a man in a parking lot throwing Stephen King novels at people

I couldn't figure out why. Then It hit me.

My self-published novel

Isn’t going to publish itself.

What do you call a dinosaur that writes romance novels?

A Brontë-saurus.

I just had a novel idea...

I can't wait for the movie adaptation to find out what it was.

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger’s cat and Pavlov’s dog team up for a cross county adventure…

So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.

The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not.

How many mystery novel writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in almost all the way, and another one to give it a surprising twist at the end.

A chicken goes into the library, walks up to the librarian, and says, “Book.”

The librarian says, “You want a book?”

“Book.”

“Any book?”

“Book.”

So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off it goes. An hour later the chicken comes back and says, “Bookbook.”

The librarian says, “Now you want two books?”

“Book-book.”

So she...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm writing a novel about a guy who grows younger every time he ejaculates.

It's a coming of age story.

I always find the plots of Stephen King novels easy to follow.

There’s always a Maine character.

I just read a novel that took place in the world's smallest graveyard

Honestly, it sucked. It didn't even have a plot.

I’m thinking of writing a mystery novel.

Or am I?

I’m reading a horror novel in Braille.

Something bad is about to happen.
I can feel it.

Just read a Calvinist romance novel

It’s called “Irresistible Grace”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the medical student who wrote a porn novel?

It's called 50 Shades of Grey's Anatomy.

Ever since 2017, my New Year’s resolution has been to work on my novel.

Four years going and I’ve almost finished reading it!

I tried reading Dostoevsky's novels in Chinese

But there were too many characters.

Now that we’re almost done with the Novel Coronavirus,

When can I expect the movie adaptation

Tom Hanks was recently quoted talking about how much he disliked one of Stephen King's novels.

T. Hanks: I hate It.

Which is Coronavirus’ favorite novel?

Around the world in eighty days.

I wrote my first erotic novel

The characters were a bit disjointed but they all came together in the end

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once read a novel about a man who becomes infatuated with a 60 year old former prostitute.

It's basically about a guy who falls for the oldest trick in the book.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Charles Dickens wrote The Lord of the Rings, how would the novel have started?

It was the best of Shires. It was the Worcestershires.

They say Covid-19, the novel coronavirus is one of the worst things that's happened in recent years

But if you think this is bad, just wait till you see the movie adaptation!

Every time I read a Stephen King novel, I get really confused.

Too many Maine characters.

There have been countless people criticizing Donald Trump for his delayed reaction to the Novel Coronavirus

Probably could have gotten things going a lot quicker with a picturebook Coronavirus

I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!"

I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."

I read a novel about a cult that sacrifices books

It was a real page-burner

My favorite novel is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend's writing an erotic novel about a sociopathic sex addict.

It's called 'Journal.'

Nerdy physics and psychology joke thought I'd share.

I heard that there is a new novel out about Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog going on an adventure but I couldn't remember the name. Sounded good so I decided to go down to the library to see if they've got it. Looked around and couldn't see it so I asked the librarian if they have it in, she repl...

2020 is like living in the Stephen King novels The Stand and The Dead Zone at the same time.

If clowns show up next, that’s IT I’m outta here!

The circus arrives in town with a novel act - make the bull elephant kneel down and win $1000.

After watching various people trying everything Jimmy steps up to the elephant and gives it a mighty kick in the balls. The elephant collapses and its owner, cursing Jimmy's foul methods, hands over the cash.

The circus moves on to the next town and Jimmy, recognising a good opportunity, foll...

You know that I can tell Donald Trump has never finished a novel...

He can't get past chapter 11

Have you heard about the new fiction novel coming this year?

Its the memoirs of Trumps presidency

Guys, I don’t know about this novel coronavirus.......

I was never much of a reader, I think i’ll wait for the movie.

I’m writing a novel about a guy that can kill with words

Working title “Death Sentence”

It's hard to establish when this novel Coronavirus will be over.

We'd have preferred a short story.

My jokes are like the Novel coronavirus

You might not get them right away, but they will hit you later.

I was driving down the highway today and saw a woman in the lane next to me reading a novel while driving

I was so angry that I stopped texting and flipped her off

What would you call the Qur’an if it were a novel?

The Qur’anicles of Mohammad

What is the difference between being a vegan and suffering from the novel coronavirus?

In the case of COVID-19, the loss of sense of taste is only temporary.

I realized that I get aroused when I read the last chapter of a novel.

I just came to the conclusion.

I wrote a 200,000 word novel about a French actor who is persecuted for his art.

It's called, "Mime and Punishment".

Nobody has written a novel about writing a novel.

It's a novel, novel novel idea.

My breast wrote a novel about itself.

It's the titular character.

I spent a year writing a romance novel where two blood cells meet and fall in love. It never got published.

It was all in vein.

My English teacher said I had to write 1000 words on the new Margaret Atwood novel

I managed about 50 before the librarian snatched it back off me

I wanna write a mystery novel

Or do i?

I have actually written one

Or have i?

I am sorry i wont do this again

Or wil i?

I don't understand why everyone is so concerned about the Novel "Coronavirus"...

Personally, I'm waiting for Coronavirus the movie to come out before I make up my mind.

After 3 years I finally finished my first novel.

I enjoyed it so much I might read another one.

What is a Mexican's favorite novel?

Tequila Mockingbird

What is the most popular novel in Mexico?

Tequila mocking bird

Doctor Doctor

A newly graduated doctor opened a clinic with a novel idea to bring in patients. If he were able to solve the patient’s problem he would charge them $500. However, if he couldn’t treat the patient, he would give them $1,000.


The new doctor was soon making more money than the old doctor’s ...

What is a Finnish person's favorite novel?

East of Sweden

What did the erotic novel author get from his editor?

Sticky notes.

What did he get from his publisher?

A hard copy.

I asked the librarian if she knew of any authors who wrote dinosaur novels.

She said "Try Sarah Topps!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer was out by his barn, repairing a fence.

A young hen came near him, pecking at the ground. He was surprised when he thought he heard a “psst”. The farm looked around and saw no one, so he continued his work.

Then he heard it, clear as day. “Hey. Down here.”

The farmer looked down and saw the hen looking at him.

“Did y...

An amateur poet attempted to write a novel.

Unfortunately, he failed because novels are for pros.

Why can't you own just one Stephen King novel?

Because 'Misery' loves company.

A 300 page novel with a 50 page introductory essay written by the author walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Why the long preface?"

What do you get when you cross hard alcohol with a classic American novel?

Tequil-a Mockinbird

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a bottle of champagne. "What are you celebrating?" the bartender asks. "I just got my first novel published," the guy announces. "It's a thriller about a flock of 2,000 mockingbirds." "What's it called?" "2 kilomockingbirds," the guy replies.

I'm writing an erotic novel featuring tea and pastries.

I'm calling it "Romancing the Scone."

They polled Britons on their favorite Jane Austen novel

52% prefer Pride & Prejudice to Sense & Sensibility

What do you call a 3-part novel about Michael Jackson?

A Thriller-gy

What's a Mexican's favourite novel?

Tequila Mockingbird.


(I'm sure this joke has been made before, but I thought it up this morning.)

Charlotte Bronte wrote a horror novel

Jane Scare.

Emily wrote one about aircraft turbulence:

Wuthering Flights.


(I do apologise for this)

What did John do when the dog ate his crime novel?

He stole the words right out of its mouth

I read a suspense novel about suicide.

The ending really left me hanging.

How many monkeys does it take to write a Shakespeare novel by accident?

As many as it takes /r/jokes submitters to write an original joke. (by accident)^^^♻

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks:

"Book!"

The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter.

"Book,...

I was going to write a novel about an overcrowded cemetery.

But there was no plot

I wanted to share my novel based on the phone book over twitter

But it's got more than 140 characters

What's the difference between a poorly designed user interface and Georges Perec's novel A Void?

One is known for a lack of ease of use and the other for a lack of use of e's!

[Nerd Joke Warning] What Tea makes you original?

Novel-tea

I was gunna write the great American nursing home romance novel...

....but the title "50 Shades of Grey" was already taken.

When people ask me what my favorite Stephen King novel is...

I've said it before and I'll say it again

What is ISIS' favorite novel?

Invitation to a Beheading.

I wanted to reserve a copy of a new novel coming out

But they were all booked

I'm writing a swiss novel

But there's a lot of plot holes.

Did you read the novel about the US drug epidemic?

The heroin gets abused.

What do you call Kim Jong-un reading a Stephen King novel?

Fearless Reader

What do you call someone who can't stop reading Nancy Drew novels?

A heroine addict.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I want to write a sexually charged novel with an FBI twist.

*Fifty Raids A Day*

When I was young, there were double novels...

books that had one story right side up on one side, one story upside down on the other side.

So I'm at a flea market and I find one of those old gems. I have to have it. I start reading and I'm loving it. Brought me back to my youth...until I realized someone tore out the middle page. Now I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What genre consists of erotic novels?

Cliterature

My wife said, “Why don’t you stop with your terrible jokes and write a book instead?”

I said, “That’s .....a novel idea.”

What's the difference between a Twitter post and a Russian Novel?

A Twitter post is limited to 140 characters

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.