I’m thinking of writing a mystery novel.

Or am I?

[Nerd Joke Warning] What Tea makes you original?

Novel-tea

Now that we’re almost done with the Novel Coronavirus,

When can I expect the movie adaptation

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Did you hear about the medical student who wrote a porn novel?

It's called 50 Shades of Grey's Anatomy.

They say Covid-19, the novel coronavirus is one of the worst things that's happened in recent years

But if you think this is bad, just wait till you see the movie adaptation!

I read a novel about a cult that sacrifices books

It was a real page-burner

Ever since 2017, my New Year’s resolution has been to work on my novel.

Four years going and I’ve almost finished reading it!

Where did you get this mushroom recipe?

Husband asks his wife.

\- "In a detective novel." she answers.

I wrote my first erotic novel

The characters were a bit disjointed but they all came together in the end

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The Invitation

A writer decides to get away from it all so he can finish his novel undisturbed, so he rents an isolated cabin way up in the mountains and takes up residence in it. His closest neighbor is several miles away, but he does catch a glimpse of him from afar once in a while, when the neighbor is out hunt...

My favorite novel is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

I’m reading a horror novel in Braille. Something bad is about to happen.

I can feel it.

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A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks:

"Book!"

The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter.

"Book,...

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If Charles Dickens wrote The Lord of the Rings, how would the novel have started?

It was the best of Shires. It was the Worcestershires.

A man who has been brought up elsewhere, returns to his ancestral village.

He had heard tales that the average IQ of the people of his village was pretty low, and so he wanted to find out for himself.

Near the outskirts of the village, he saw a man atop a branch of a tree imitating a racecar.

"What are you doing?" He asked

"Don't disturb me, I'm in a ...

2020 is like living in the Stephen King novels The Stand and The Dead Zone at the same time.

If clowns show up next, that’s IT I’m outta here!

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The Party

After his divorce, Jeff rented a cabin in Montana for the summer to write his first novel. He got up each morning, made coffee, and would go outside and sit by a stream before going back in and writing all day. One August afternoon he was startled by a knock on the door.

“Hey,” said the man....

I tried reading Dostoevsky's novels in Chinese

But there were too many characters.

My wife said, “Why don’t you stop with your terrible jokes and write a book instead?”

I said, “That’s .....a novel idea.”

Plant scientists have used genetic engineering to create a new variety of orange.

The novel navel.

Have you heard about the next book in the trilogy Divergent?

I heard its called Detergent, a dishsoapian novel.

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Three old ladies

Three old ladies had just passed away and stood outside the gates to heaven speaking to the Almighty One. He looked at the three of them sternly and said: "If you're gonna be here, you should know that we only have one single rule here in heaven, but that one rule is extremely strict! You may NEVER,...

Every time I read a Stephen King novel, I get really confused.

Too many Maine characters.

Why do they call it the novel Coronavirus?

It's a long story...

Have you heard about the new fiction novel coming this year?

Its the memoirs of Trumps presidency

You know that I can tell Donald Trump has never finished a novel...

He can't get past chapter 11

Guys, I don’t know about this novel coronavirus.......

I was never much of a reader, I think i’ll wait for the movie.

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I just read this strange new book about a dark blue star exploding out of a sailor's belly button

It's a novel naval navel navy nova novel

A reporter in the old west.

An old west dime novel writer is out looking for a good story when he wanders into a saloon. He sees a group of rough rider lookin' scoundrels playing poker and he musters up enough courage to sit down with 'em (thinkin' he might get a story out if he was lucky). "Mind if I play?"

The others ...

I’m writing a novel about a guy that can kill with words

Working title “Death Sentence”

In recent weeks, interest in reading long works of fiction has gone way down

Due to the novel coronavirus

I wrote a 200,000 word novel about a French actor who is persecuted for his art.

It's called, "Mime and Punishment".

Hey dad, wanna see my new book?

Yeah son, so long as it's not the novel coronavirus.

What is the difference between being a vegan and suffering from the novel coronavirus?

In the case of COVID-19, the loss of sense of taste is only temporary.

I Started Watching A New Series During Lockdown

It's a series about how a respiratory illness spread throughout the world in 2019 and 2020, and damaged many economies, as well as caused many people to lose their lives...the illness is even said to have originated in China. Despite similarities, the writers say it's not based on the novel, *Corona...

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Yeah, I have a heroine addiction.

\*Pulls out young adult novel with a strong female figure\*

It's hard to establish when this novel Coronavirus will be over.

We'd have preferred a short story.

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A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final.

Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST."

So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn'...

A prince which was in love with a princess was cursed by a witch so that he could only say 1 word each year, he didn´t speak for 4 years until he finally said "Princess, I love you" Then the princess looked at him and said

"What did you say?"







Btw, i took this from a novel i red so some might have heard it before.

What's the best thing about COVID-19?

All these novel coronavirus jokes

What's the difference between the 101st Airborne Division and the novel Coronavirus?

The Coronavirus is actually airborne.

The other day I was on the beach reading a novel and sipping a Corona while wearing some Virus track pants.

Didnt understand what all the panic was about.

I was very confused.

What would you call the Qur’an if it were a novel?

The Qur’anicles of Mohammad

There have been countless people criticizing Donald Trump for his delayed reaction to the Novel Coronavirus

Probably could have gotten things going a lot quicker with a picturebook Coronavirus

My English teacher said I had to write 1000 words on the new Margaret Atwood novel

I managed about 50 before the librarian snatched it back off me

Which is Coronavirus’ favorite novel?

Around the world in eighty days.

My jokes are like the Novel coronavirus

You might not get them right away, but they will hit you later.

I don't know why my mom's throwing Stephen King's novels at me.

IT just hit me.

My wife said I’m not sophisticated.

I said, “that’s ridiculous, why, I’m reading a novel right now that’s full of subtext.

She was impressed and asked, “what novel?” I said, “The Hunt for Red October.”

I really hate stereotyping.

The novel my stereo typed was garbage.

Stephen kings writing style is...

Novel.

Being genetically engineered, evaluated, selected, and trained from birth to be a super-soldier...

before being deployed to a fight a technologically inferior foe in a far-off country to secure economic gains for your overseers, then being either left to die or executed for convenience, is either the plot of a dark and kickass dystopian fiction novel, or a technically accurate description of the ...

How many mystery novel writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in almost all the way, and another one to give it a surprising twist at the end.

My breast wrote a novel about itself.

It's the titular character.

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I wrote a novel about a man who grows younger every time he masturbates.

It's a coming of age story.

I was driving down the highway today and saw a woman in the lane next to me reading a novel while driving

I was so angry that I stopped texting and flipped her off

I was helping my grandpa fold some laundry yesterday and noticed something odd. On one shirt he had a silloutte of Sherlock Holmes, on another a picture of Harry Potter, on a third was printed an image of Frankenstein, and on a fourth, a girl who appeared to be Anne of Green Gables.

I asked my grandpa, "Are all these graphic shirts really yours?"

"Yes they are, " my grandpa replied sheepishly "I just can't resist buying novel tees."

I realized that I get aroused when I read the last chapter of a novel.

I just came to the conclusion.

What is a Finnish person's favorite novel?

East of Sweden

A man goes to the movies. . .

but when he sits down he notices that the person in the seat next to him looks like a penguin. with a bucket of popcorn on it's 'lap'.

Well, he can't believe his eyes since the cinema is dim and all that.

'It must be a kid in a costume' he thinks to himself.

But as he looks clos...

A man found out the Bee Gees, were writing a fictional novel.

"Do you guys need any help?" he asked.

"We know how to do it!" they responded.

"Not even with the character development?"

"We know how to show it!"

I asked the librarian if she knew of any authors who wrote dinosaur novels.

She said "Try Sarah Topps!"

The circus arrives in town with a novel act - make the bull elephant kneel down and win $1000.

After watching various people trying everything Jimmy steps up to the elephant and gives it a mighty kick in the balls. The elephant collapses and its owner, cursing Jimmy's foul methods, hands over the cash.

The circus moves on to the next town and Jimmy, recognising a good opportunity, foll...

I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!"

Unconvinced, I replied, "Surely, you must be Joe."

A rancher turned weed farmer lost half a million dollar worth of his Marijuana crop to cattle.

The rancher had tried a novel idea of planting Marijuana in the grazing range as cows normally don't eat Marijuana. Unfortunately for him the cows developed a special predilection for the supposedly weed plant. The rancher is devastated but he was well aware that the steaks were high.

After 3 years I finally finished my first novel.

I enjoyed it so much I might read another one.

Nobody has written a novel about writing a novel.

It's a novel, novel novel idea.

Congratulations to the #1 best selling fiction novel!

Barely in front of the Bible, the Holy Quran makes it to the top this year!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend who was sick of my jokes says

"How about you stop sitting on your ass all day coming up with terrible puns, and start writing a book or something!"

Me: "Now that.... is a novel idea!!!!"

A 300 page novel with a 50 page introductory essay written by the author walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Why the long preface?"

An amateur poet attempted to write a novel.

Unfortunately, he failed because novels are for pros.

I wanna write a mystery novel

Or do i?

I have actually written one

Or have i?

I am sorry i wont do this again

Or wil i?

The most terrifying horror story... ever

Nester absolutely loves horror stories. From ghost and apparitions, to science-fiction, he enjoys reading all of them. One day while he visits a newly-opened bookstore, he got a glimpse on a rather unusual-looking book. A thin, hard-covered novel with no title.

As he examined the book, the o...

What do you call a comic drawn with only a pencil?

A graphite novel

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Computer idiots (Warning: Old)

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" k...

What do you call a 3-part novel about Michael Jackson?

A Thriller-gy

Tom Clancy and Tom Cruise got in a fight.

One of then put up a novel fight and the other came up short.

A man has the opportunity to win a million dollars if he can cross lake Superior in a 16 foot sailboat...

The people sponsoring the challenge give the man two choices of what he can bring on the boat to assist him. He can either bring a large box of novels or two criminals. However, the people running the competition get to choose what the books are and who the criminals are.

The man realizes the...

Brexit was similar to choosing your favorite Jane Austen novel.

Pride and Prejudice defeated Sense and Sensibility.

Charlotte Bronte wrote a horror novel

Jane Scare.

Emily wrote one about aircraft turbulence:

Wuthering Flights.


(I do apologise for this)

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A man goes to the circus

A young man named John was a huge fan of the circus all the way through childhood, he had a huge affection for the acrobatics, showmanship and the hilarious clowns.

Finally, one day, a circus came to his tiny village and he saved all his money to make the trip.

He had a great time, the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes on a date with a patent examiner.

Things are going well, so they go back to his place, and end up having sex.

Afterwards, the man asks his date, "So, do you want to do this again tomorrow?"

His date replies: "I will report that your technique, while novel, is obvious to one skilled in the art. Also I found some of you...

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I tried reading Einstein's original paper on special relativity.

Night after night for 6 months I tried to understand it. I tried everything. I looked through previous publications to understand the knowledge at the time. I tried to work through some problems and I thought about the theories in novel ways to try to get an intuitive grasp or even any at all. It pr...

What was old is new

A man living in ancient Egypt had a great idea for a business: he would pay couriers to deliver messages professionally inscribed on stone slabs to people all over the kingdom. For a small fee, people could have an important message written down and sent anywhere on the Nile. It swiftly took off a...

Why can't you own just one Stephen King novel?

Because 'Misery' loves company.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you read the new Oedipus and Midas crossover novel?

The reviews are saying it's pure motherfucking gold.

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A retired astronaut and dabbling writer gets a call from NASA

NASA asks the astronaut to help with the international space station, as he is the only one who knows how to fix the system that needs repairs. The man, a fan of old fashioned writing, requires NASA to let him bring his typewriter on the mission as his one condition to come out of retirement.
...

What is a Mexican's favorite novel?

Tequila Mockingbird

I was going to write a novel about an overcrowded cemetery.

But there was no plot

I took a novel around Romania with me but it got tired.

So I gave the Bucharest

I read a suspense novel about suicide.

The ending really left me hanging.

I wanted to share my novel based on the phone book over twitter

But it's got more than 140 characters

I'm writing an erotic novel featuring tea and pastries.

I'm calling it "Romancing the Scone."

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A priest said that masturbation is the devils typewriter

Guess im writing a novel tonight

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