UPJOKE
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Frost Jokes

What do you call a snowman hooker?

A FROST-titute.

Licking the frosting

One day a little girl and her mother are riding in the car. The mother is driving past the park and the girl points out a couple under a blanket. The Girl asked her mother what the people under the blanket were doing so the mother replied “They are baking a cake”. Later that night the family is fl...

I got banned from /r/Jokes for posting, "Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms!"

Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...

When the young husband reached home from the office he found his wife in tears.

"Oh, John," she sobbed on his shoulder. "I had baked a lovely cake and put it out on the back porch for the frosting to dry and the dog ate it!"

"Well, don't cry about it, sweetheart," he consoled, patting the pretty flushed cheek. "I know a man who will give us another dog."


...

How does Rob Zombie make brownies?

EGGS, milk and flour and
BAKE, for half an hour and
FROST, with the back of my
SPATULA!



Edit - Yes I understand it would be better with CAKE and not BROWNIES.

A woman dies and goes to the gates of heaven.

When she gets there, she is perplexed and confused to find everyone furiously cracking eggs, dumping flour, and mixing batter.

She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every station.

Fina...

Why did the Alaskan man name his dog Frost?

Because Frost bites.

Help, how do I get the frost off my windshield?

I used my discount card but could only get 20% off.

Did you hear the one about the guy who died of a frosting allergy?

His body was creamated.

A blonde called her boyfriend and said,

“Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to put it together or how to get it started.” Her boyfriend asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde said, “ According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.” Her boyfriend decide...

What do you call someone with frosted tips and dandruff?

Frosted flakes

I'm sorry

Jesus promised the end of wicked people. Thor promised the end of frost giants.

I don't see many frost giants.

What do you call a dog that gets frosting all over its fur?

A pupcake.

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If robert frost was bisexual...

He would have gone both ways.

You wouldn't think that a pastry frosting would pair well with magical trees

but it's actually enticing!

Old blonde joke.

A husband comes home to find his beautiful blonde wife sitting at the kitchen table in tears.
"What's wrong, dear?" He asks
Through her tears she says, "well, I've been trying to put this puzzle together all day and I just can't seem to figure it out! It's supposed to be a tiger."
He loo...

Why did thor have such a hard time accepting his brother was actually a frost giant?

He was loki racist

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A vicar was visiting one of his parishioners one afternoon, but when he knocked on the door there was no answer although he thought he caught a glimpse of her through the frosted glass.

So he wrote on a postcard "Revelation 3:20" >!Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone opens to me, I will come in !<and went home.

Later he heard his postbox rattle, but when he went, there was no-one at the door, only his card from earlier on which was now written "Genesis 3:1...

I bought a generic frosted flakes box...

THEYYYYYY'RE...



...alright, I guess.

A man saw a dog named frost.

It wagged its tail as people walked by. The man went to pet it but this dog lashed out and injured his hand.

"I didn't know frost bites."

My friend stopped talking to me after I lost 3 of my toes to frost bite.

I didn’t know he was lack toes intolerant.

How does Jack Frost get to work?

By icicles

I came home to find my little brother putting cake frosting on his elbow.

When I asked him why he said, "I told mom that my elbow hurt and she asked me if I tried icing it".

TIL the creator of Corn Pops also invented Cocoa Puffs, Frosted Flakes, Froot Loops, and Apple Jacks

His tombstone just says "cereal entrepreneur"

There were two avid sailors

who were proud of their well-kept boats (the "Tuning Fork"
and the "Robert Frost", respectively). In all ways they were evenly matched as able sailors except when it came to braiding rope. Not that the Tuning fork’s captain’s braids were deficient, but the other had a flair when it came to bra...

My sister made 44 cupcakes with an assortment of red, white, and blue frosting for an Independence Day dinner.

"Why 44?" I asked her. "Because that's the number of real presidents this country has actually had?"

(This actually just happened.)

A blonde is putting together a puzzle. She is very frustrated and asks her husband for help.

"It's supposed to be a tiger!" she cries.

"Honey," says her husband wearily, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box."

Ogden Nash and Robert Frost die and are facing St. Peter at the Pearly Gates...

St. Peter doesn't recognize them and asks for identification. They both respond that they are great poets from Earth and are surprised that they're not recognized. St. Peter challenges them - "If you're such great poets. let me hear you form a rhyme for "Timbuktu".

The poets think for a mom...

I grew up in a pretty tough neighborhood. Kids use to cover me in chocolate and frosting and put cherries on my head.

Life was tough in the gateau.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

Frostbite

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Pink kryptonite turns Superman gay. What does Thor use?

The Bi-frost.

My 14 year old just came in and told me this one, said he made it up himself. I was impressed.

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Snowmobile repair

There wasn't a lot of business at Chester's Snowmobile and Small Engine Repair in Kodiak, Alaska. Chester decided to close early on a Thursday to go home and open a bottle of wine.

Just as he was clicking off the "Open" sign, he heard a rumbling clatter in the distance. He stepped out front...

Told this joke every summer as a camp counselor; never failed

This cheerio works 9-5 at a factory doing the same mundane task every day of every year. One day, this smoking hot frosted cheerio walks in and the normal cheerio falls for her instantly. He walks up to her and says:

“Hey, want to grab something to eat later?” And she says:

“Actually,...

What does a snowman eat for breakfast?

Frosted flakes.

what do you call a lion in the snow?

frost bite

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When all the males in the morgue freezer were found missing their penis, police immediately suspected Guy Fieri.

After all, who else would try to pull off frosted tips like that?

frustrated

When you have frost on your windows and can't see out of them you usually get pretty frostrated...

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How cold will it get tonight, I asked my wife

She said that it was going to get to 28 degrees or colder and we should cover up all the plants and get ready for the growing season to be done. I said the forecast was wrong and it wasn't going to get that cold. Right after I said that, though, the door crashed open and a white-haired old man charg...

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One day, a family of 3 goes to a zoo .

The daughter Clara sees 2 animals fucking around and she asks her mom what they're doing. The mom says they're baking a cake and then after seeing the rest of the zoo, they go home. Then on the way home she sees 2 dogs doing the same thing. She asks again and gets the same answer. The mom again say...

A Day in the Life of a Cheerio

One day in Cheerio City, an ordinary young Cheerio started his day. He decided to get a job. He was nearing his sell by date and figured it was time. There are three social classes in Cheerio City: the Regulars, the Wheats, and the Frosteds. The young Cheerio was simply a Regular and had little to n...

What do you get when you leave a pair of dentures in the freezer overnight?

Frost bite

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An American couple is looking to adopt a child...

and for whatever reason, they find themselves in an orphanage in Germany. There is this little German boy they really liked to adopt, and they decide to ask the nun if they can adopt him.

"You want to adopt little Volker?" the nun asks.

"Yes, of course. Why, is something wrong with Vol...

So there's this cheerio who works at Burger King...

And he's a fantastic employee. He constantly washes tables and takes orders without complaints.

Every month, the Burger King Corporation throws a cheerio employee of the month party. It's always been Honey Nut's dream to go, but Fruity always gets to go. Every. Damn. Month. But not this mont...

My coach told me to bring out the tiger in me during our football game.

I didn't want to waste any of my favorite frosted flakes cereal.

So in Cheerio Land there are 4 levels to the social hierarchy.

At the bottom you've got plain cheerios, these are your basic working class folks.

Above them are the honey nut cheerios, more of the middle-management level cheerios.

After them are the fruity cheerios, you know, the real artsy, middle-class types.

At the top are the frosted ch...

The Cheerio Joke

Oh boy do i have a joke for you...
Its called the cheerio joke.
-------------------------------------
So there is this land called cheerio land and in cheerio land there are 7 classes of cheerio, 0-5 and the frosted cheerios. Now there is this level 0 cheerio. Hes homeless, living out...

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What do you get, when you cross a husky and a blondie?

Either a really stupid fucking dog, or a frost resistant bitch

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What do you call a Snowman's jizz?

Jack Frost

The Tale of Two Cheerios

One day, a lone cheerio goes to a party and finds a pretty female cheerio. He says to her "Hey there, beautiful. Would you like to go out with me?" The female cheerio says "Sorry, but I only date frosted cheerios." The male cheerio then goes home and looks to see how much money he has to get himself...

Why did the chicken of destiny cross the road?

Robert Frost: "To cross the road less traveled by."

Johann Friedrich von Goethe: "The eternal hen-principle made it do it."

Ralph Waldo Emerson: "It didn't cross the road; it TRANSCENDED it."

.
.
.

... Ernest Hemingway (*whispers*): "To die. In the rain."

Why did frosty the snowman have to go to the dentist?

He has a very bad case of frost bite.

Pedro gets a New Secretary.

Pedro gets a New Secretary.
He faces a volley of rapid fire questions from his wife, who is always a bit suspicious of her husband’s roving eye.

Dora (Pedro's wife): “Does your new secretary have nice legs?"

Pedro: “Didn’t quite notice."

Dora: "What color are her eyes?"
...

Idiot question and answer

Q: On which side does a chicken have the most feathers?
A: The outside.

Q: How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
A: Your nose touches the ceiling.

Q: What’s a flea’s favorite way to travel?
A: Itch-hiking.

Q: Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?...

A blonde calls her boyfriend...

One day a man gets a call from his blond girlfriend.

"Hey Babe!"

"Listen, I need you to come over right now! I'm doing a puzzle and I think it's supposed to be a tiger but I just can't figure it out, I've been doing it for hours..."

The boyfriend was a little confused, as she d...

what do you call a muscular snowman?

Jacked Frost

A guy is driving through a snowstorm in Alaska when his car breaks down...

...so he gets it towed to the nearest mechanic. As he awaits the diagnosis he steps out for a smoke. He walks back in after smoking and a few moments later the mechanic comes out and says to him, "um...it looks like you blew a seal." To which the man responds, "oh nah, that's just some frost on m...

I don't mean to sugarcoat

But I got you Frosted Flakes instead of regular corn flakes

What did the snowman eat for breakfast?

Frosted snow flakes.

My 4.5 y/o son came up with this joke, but his punch line was "snow flakes". I added the "frosted". Teamwork.

An Eskimo goes to the mechanic

the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." and the Eskimo says "No, that's just frost on my mustache."

Four Moles Are Burrowing Under A Bakery

As they get closer to the surface, the first mole in the line sniffs deeply and says, "Mmmmm, I smell cookies!"

They dig a big further, and the second mole raises his noise and says, "Wow, I smell cake!"

The dig goes on another few minutes, and the third mole finally smells something a...

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A blonde is putting together a puzzle.

She calls her boyfriend at work and tells him that she needs him to come home to help her.

He keeps telling her that he can’t leave work right now, but she’s very insistent.

“Well, what’s the picture on the box?” He asks.

“It’s a tiger.” She says.

“Then just try to make a...

Once Upon A Time there was a International Poets Contest. All the poets from across the lands came to compete bringing there best original work to compete against their peers. For 40 days and nights they competed eliminating Poet after Poet.

On the 40th day they had narrowed it down to only 2 poets. Both poets read poems back to back for 12 hours, each poem as good as the last. After the 12th hour the judge’s became exhausted and realized that this may never end as both poets were equally amazing. They had to decide a winner and they ha...

What Dandruff Shampoo Does Guy Fieri Use?

Frosted Flakes.

Thought of this on the ride home and I am still laughing. Sorry for the bad joke, I needed to share.

I took the road less travelled by

But so did everyone else because they saw it on Google Maps and now we're all stuck in traffic. -Robert Frost

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Two Young Brothers Wanted to be Cool

I heard this joke at a jazz concert of all places, but it cracked me up:

Two brothers, 9 and 11, realized one day that they had never said a curse word and decided that in order to fit in, they had to upgrade their dirty vocabulary.

The next morning at breakfast, their mother asked the...

n Eskimo was out for a drive

An Eskimo is out for a drive one day when his car breaks down and is forced to call a mechanic. Finally the mechanic arrives and he sets to work, looking under the bonnet until he locates the problem. He looks up at the Eskimo and says, "You've blown a seal, mate" to which the Eskimo hastily replies...

A mother comes down to the kitchen and finds her daughter up early, eating a bowl of cereal...

The daughter asks- “Mommy, I heard some strange sounds coming from your bedroom a little while ago. What were you and Daddy doing in there?”

The mother is instantly embarrassed.

“Um... your daddy and I were making a cake, sweetheart.”

The next morning the mom comes down and t...

Did you hear about the Kung Fu Baker?

If people tried to rob his bakery, he would beat the up and throw frosting at them yelling CAKE this!

I got arrested today

I got arrest today, apparently you aren't allowed to do doughnuts within 200ft of a school zone... the frosting worked as great lubricant though

Snow job

So an Eskimo ( Inuit if you live in Can ) took his broken snowmobile into the garage for some repairs. The mechanic checked it out then looked up at the fellow and said. "I think you blew a seal." The Eskimo quickly wiped his face. " No, no that's just frost!" he replied.

The Redneck Poet

Robert Frost and a redneck came to heaven's gate at the same time. St. Peter stood at the gate with instuctions for the two: ''You cannot enter the gates of heaven until you can make up a poem and recite it to me using the word 'Timbuktu' in it.'' Robert Frost stepped up and recited a magnificent, g...

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Look mom, I'm black!

A little boy sees his mom making a chocolate cake. While she's not looking, he paints his face black with the frosting. Happily, he says "Look Mom! I'm black!" The mom immediately whips his ass and says "Go show your father what you did!". The little boy walks to the living room and says "hey...look...

Mother nature decides to buy a condo in Miami Beach.

Mother nature decided she would like to be a snowbird and bought a condo in Miami Beach. All of the mythological creatures were invited to her housewarming party.

Father time gave her a beautiful grandfather clock.
Jack Frost presented her with a state of art air conditioning system.
Th...

There once was a cheerio...

There once was a cheerio who lived on plain cheerio island. He lived his life working 16 hours, 7 days a week, trying just to make ends meet. But all of this was pointless; he was not going anywhere in life. He would never end up with the prosperous cheerios on Frosted Cheerio island - or so he thou...

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Introducing: The Karen Infection Collection toy line!

*Wheeze with laughter through your ventilator as you watch your children make short-term memories with... The Karen Infection Collection!*

*They'll love spending their last days playing with their new favorite toys, like Protestor Pete - who comes with accessories like a vial of crocodile tea...

A husband walks in and sees his beautiful, young blonde wife

A husband walks in and sees his beautiful, young blonde wife sitting at a table with a box and all its contents scattered about on the table top. She has a puzzled, frustrated expression on her face as she moves the pieces around.

He asks... "Honey, what are you doing?". To which she replies...

A blonde is trying to put together a puzzle

She simply cannot figure out how to do it, so she calls her boyfriend.

He asks her: "What is the puzzle is supposed to look like when finished?" and she replies, " it's supposed to look like a tiger."

He drives to her house, and when he gets there, he begins laughing hysterically....

Baking a Cake

A father and his son take a trip to the zoo. They are walking around to each exhibit and soon realise they came to the zoo in the middle of mating season.

The son was very young and every exhibit throughout the day he asked his dad the same question. "Dad what are those animals doing?" "Oh d...

Stranded snowmobiler

A guy was riding his snowmobile through the woods when it unexpectedly broke down. He was exposed to temperatures well below zero for hours.

Finally, he saw somebody riding by and he flagged him over. He explained that he didn't know anything about mechanics and politely asked the gentleman w...

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