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Frosty Jokes

How does Frosty the Snowman get to work?

By Icicle.

Where does Frosty keep his money?

In a snow bank!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two blokes were on a plane one day.......

........ and they were sitting side by side. Coincidentally, they each had one black eye. They started talking.. 'hey mate do you mind if I ask how you got your black eye?'. 'Yeah no worries', the other one responded. 'I was at the airport check in and when I got to the counter, I couldn't help but ...

Why is Frosty the Snowman like my dad?

He said he'll be back one day

What do you call Frosty after he works out?

The Abdominal Snowman

Why did Frosty the snowman pull down his pants?

He heard the snow-blower was coming.

What do you call frosty the snowman’s wife?

A snow blower.

Why was Frosty the Snowman smiling?

Because he saw the snow blower coming .

Why did frosty the snowman quit drinking?

Every time he went out he got plowed.

On a frosty winter's morning

Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:
"Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back:
"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."
wife writings back 5 minutes after the fact:

"PC is truly spoiled at this point.”

Why did frosty the snowman have to go to the dentist?

He has a very bad case of frost bite.

Who is Frosty the Snowman's most favorite comedian?

Bill Brrrrr.


I'll see myself out...

Frosty the snowman got caught picking his nose

...and he didn't carrot all

Synthesis of these two jokes: [Joke 1](http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/30/80/82/308082e606bbe01cf521a44fc1d1facf.jpg) and [Joke 2](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-enq7MUsd8sQ/Usw-7DQ-oSI/AAAAAAAAW8A/Q_mMpU7km5Y/s1600/carrot+all.jpg)

A kangaroo walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "I suppose you want a Fosters with a frosty mug." The kangaroo says,

"No, just give me something hoppy."

As we waited for a bus in the frosty weather, the woman next to me mentioned that she makes a lot of mistakes when texting in the cold...

I nodded knowingly. “It’s the early signs of typothermia.”

Why was frosty in the produce aisle?

Picking his nose.

How does Frosty the Snowman go to the bathroom?

That’s snowbody’s business.

What did the sun say after melting Frosty the Snowman?

I came, I thaw, I conquered .

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mike and Mark

Mike and Mark are identical twin brothers.

Mike is a really good guy. Helps his friends in need, visits their mother regularly and is a pillar of their community.

Mark is a real ass. Self-centered, steals from his friends ignores their mother and is an all around douche bag.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2020 Holiday Album

We're getting ahead of the curve and releasing this year's 2020 Holiday Album including such hits as:

1- Baby It's Covid Outside

2- Walking In A Pandemic Wonderland

3- Grandma Got Ran Over By A Protestor

4- Karen, Did You Know

5- Zoom Christmas

6- Frosty The...

My 34 year old son told me this one.

Son: What does Frosty the Snow Man use to go online?

Me: What?

Son: The Winternet!

Me: Get a job Larry.

What do you call a baby born out of incest?

...a gross domestic product.

Credit to u/frosty_biscuits, u/Geolassie, and u/mylifeintopieces1 for collectively arriving at this joke in a roast thread.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dapple's Car Accident

Once upon a frosty Canadian winter, there lived a man named Dapple. Dapple was a proud Canuck, born and raised in the heart of the Great White North. He loved the snow, the maple syrup, and of course, ice hockey. But one fateful day, his life took an unexpected turn.


Dapple was driving ...

I’ll give up my thesaurus...

when you pry it from my frosty, frozen, lifeless, stiff extremities.

A Marine who is missing both of his arms walks into the bar...

The bartender - also a former serviceman - spots the guy's SemperFi tattoo and shoves a tall foaming glass of beer in front of him.

"This one is on the house bro", he says.

"Thanks man," said the patron.

"Look" he says... "would you mind to hold the glass up to my mouth?"...

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A woman walks into a pet shop looking for a bird. The employee of the pet shop walks up to her and asks, "What are you looking for?"

The woman explains she wants a bird who can sing. The employee explains "We have one, but he only sings Christmas songs". The womans says "well I'd love to see it!" The employee walks into the backroom and brings out a pretty, brown parrot. "His name is Chet and he only sings when you light a fire u...

I'm so pale...

I'm so pale that when I went outside last winter, the neighborhood kids said, "Hey, look! Frosty's on a diet!"

I'm so pale that when I worked in the ice cream parlor and was giving a kid his vanilla cone, he started licking my hand.

I'm so pale that my house is listed as haunted. It ...

My dad's lame holiday joke

During the holiday season, a man is aimlessly drifting around a shopping center, wondering what to get his wife for Christmas. Wandering into a pet store, he asks the shop assistant, "Hey, buddy, you got anything with a Christmas-type theme in here?"

"Well, there is Chet, the parrot," the...

Penguin experiencing car trouble

Hot summer day and Mr. Penguin's car breaks down. Takes it to the body shop, and Joe Mechanic tells him to give him half an hour to look it over, and then come back.

To kill some time, Mr. Penguin goes to the local ice cream parlor. After finishing his tasty, frosty treat, he goes back to the...

Two guys walking their dogs see a bar across the street...

"Man a beer would be delicious right about now" says one. His friend says, "But there's a sign in the window - 'NO DOGS ALLOWED'." First guy says, "No problem - watch this", puts on a pair of sunglasses and walks in to the bar. Second guy watches him go in and be seated by the bartender who brings h...

A man in Moscow decides to take his own life.

He is tired of the constant ambivalence that permeates his daily interactions. He can no longer stand the contemptuous scorn of the plasticized women, the bullying bravado of dishonest men sneering from behind the tinted windows of their Mercedes-Benz.

Exhausted of hope, he walks the narrow ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boris Johnson dies...

His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem: We seldom see a Conservative here and we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer," says Johnso...

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