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Winters Jokes

A penguin grows tired of the cold winters in Alaska...

So he buys a used Corvette and heads south for warmer weather. About five hundred miles into the trip the Corvette starts to overheat.

He stops in a small town and finds a mechanic to get the issue fixed. The mechanic says he is not going to be able to look at the car for an hour, so the Pen...

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Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning:

Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning:
"Windows frozen."
Husband texts back:
"Pour some lukewarm water over it."
Wife texts back 5 mins later:
"Computer completely fucked now."

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Is this winter gonna be cold?

The Indians on the Aamjiwnaang First Nation reservation in Grand Bend asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the winter was go...

Two scientists were walking around in Russia during winter

Scientist one: It's really cold outside, how many degrees?

Scientist two: it's -40°

Scientist one: Celsius or Fahrenheit?

Scientist two: Yes.

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Winter is nearly here...

Winter is nearly here & our native birds will soon be finding food scarce. Please go to the pet shop & buy a bag of nuts for our feathered friends. There's no finer sight on a winters morning then a pair of tits around your nut sack. Just remember however its a bit late in the year to expect...

What do you call a bear that likes to spend his summers at the north pole and his winters at the south?

a bi-polar bear.

Why do harsh winters often catch people in Leicester by surprise?

Because the ice in Leicester is silent.

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There were two statues in a park, one of a naked man, and one of a naked woman. They had been facing each other for a hundred years across a pathway, when one day an angel comes down, and with a single gesture brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits pati...

I used to be a fortune teller but all I could predict was really cold winters.

Then I found out the crystal ball shop had sold me a snow globe..

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A bird is flying south for the winters

It freezes mid-flight and falls down on the snow in a farm. A cow passing by takes pity on it and shits on it to keep it warm.

After few minutes the bird regains consciousness because of the warmth and starts chirping.

A cat hears it, picks it out of the shit, cleans it and eats it....

Vermont Winters

Government surveyors knocked on the door of a man who lived in Vermont near the border between Vermont and New Hampshire and asked if they could enter his land to survey the border. He said no problem.
They came back later that day and said "Sir, we've got some interesting news. You don't live i...

when I was growing up the winters were rough, my dad made us huddle round only a single candle.

if he was feeling generous he would even light it.

A state surveyor visits a Maine farm.

He tells the old farmer that it's been discovered that his farm may actually be in New Hampshire, and not Maine. After several days of surveying, checking and rechecking, the surveyor tells the old farmer "Yep, I was right, your farm is in New Hampshire, not Maine."
"Good thing," says the old far...

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