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Brown Jokes

Roses are red, Cellos are brown

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down ;)

Why don't you see brown envelopes in the mail anymore?

Because everyone knows white mails get through the system faster.

I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes...

But in reality it's because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr Dre

How did Chris Browns girlfriend find out he was cheating on her?

She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Horse and chicken are hanging in farmer Brown's yard.

Horse laid down in great big mud puddle to cool off. He took a nap and when he woke, he was sunk to his haunches and couldn't get up.

"He-e-e-lp me chicken! I'm stuck! Go get farmer brown to pull me out with the tractor."

《Buak》" can't do it. Farmer brown's out plowing the back 40. I...

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Rihanna was asked; "why do you think Chris Brown was denied a visa in Australia?"

She replied:


"Beats the hell outta me"

If Will Smith, Amber Heard, and Chris Brown formed a band, what would its name be?

The Heavy Hitters.

Why did the baker have brown hands?

Because he kneaded a poo.

Roses are brown, violets are grey

I just found out I'm colorblind today.

A guy walks into a bar wearing a Browns jersey and carrying a cat that also has a Browns jersey on with a little Browns helmet on his head, too.

The guy says to the bartender, "Can my cat and I watch the Browns game here?
My TV at home is broke, and my cat and I always watch the game together."

The bartender replies, "Normally, cats wouldn't be allowed in the bar, but
it's not very busy in here right now, so you and the cat can ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats Long Brown and Sticky?

I forgot the punchline, Shit,

Before Chris Brown did a concert with them, they were just known as "The Peas".

And now they are The ......... Peas

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

DUNG!

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How to catch a brown bear

First you need to dig a hole. But it's gotta be a big ass hole because you are going to fit a brown bear in there. Next you need to start a fire inside of the hole. After the fire dies completely out take the ashes from that fire and spread them all around the inside of the hole. After that take a c...

How many Cleveland Browns fans does it take to change a light bulb?

Both of them.

A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the bartender delivers it, the cowboy looks around and notices the bar is completely deserted other than himself and the bartender...

"Where is everybody? This place is usually packed this time of day," the cowboy says.

The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," says the bartender.

"What kind of name is that? Why do they call him Brown Pap...

What’s brown and sticky?

My boomerang that won’t come back.

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Turner Brown Long NSFW

Skinny little white Irishman gets into an elevator, looks up and sees
this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him. He looks down at
the Irishman and says: "7 ft tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds
of testicles, Turner Brown"
...

Ever heard of Adolph the Brown-nosed reindeer?

His brakes don’t work

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown ?

Artificial intelligence

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them

The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them.

The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on.

The second guy says, “What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.”

“I don’t need to outrun the bear...

Brown Pants

During the French and Indian Wars in North America, the French captured a British Officer during an engagement. Later that evening the French officers gathered and dined with the new captive.

After dinner the French commander asked their prisoner “Sir, we have been wondering why Brit...

This book I've been reading about brown bears spends way too long describing them.

It includes all of the grizzly details.

Why were Charlie Brown, Linus and Lucy expelled from school on the same day?

Because that was the day the schools banned peanuts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chris Brown is releasing a new album

It's called "My Greatest hits", There is some hard hits feat. Rihanna, Usher and a lot of unconfirmed "Artists".

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What's the difference between an ass-kisser and a brown-nose?

Depth perception.

What were James Brown's last words?

I don't feel good

What has two grey legs and two brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea

Which artist has a brown finger?

Picasso

You guys want to play that new Michael Brown drinking game?

It's easy, you just stand there and take eight shots.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy walks into the bar, only to find it's empty.

Only the bartended, polishing a glass, is behind the bar.

"Where's everyone at?" Asks the cowpoke.

"At the hangin'." Bartender says.

"Hangin'?!" The cowboy asks. "Hadn't heard. Who are they stringing up?"

"The Brown Paper Kid."

"The Brown Paper Kid?"

"That...

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown.

She goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?" she asks.

The shepherd agrees. She blurts out, "352!"

The shepherd is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pic...

What goes blonde brown blonde brown blonde brown blonde?

A naked blonde doing a cartwheel.

What happened when the brown chicken met the brown cow?

Brown-chicken-brown-cow

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The black and brown cows

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows produce a day?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: I see. Wha...

What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?

A coconut on vacation, lol!

My brother doesn't like brown rice

He's a rice-ist

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A big, burly, 6’10” 283lb guy walks into a bar carrying a brown box...

Everyone is staring quietly because of the sheer size of some random guy seemingly on a mission.

He walks up to the counter and orders two shots of whiskey. After downing them both in succession, he reaches into the box and pulls out a huge snapping turtle, shows it to everyone around. Then t...

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows.”

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown.”

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to b...

I was going to post a Michael Brown joke..

..but I'm afraid it would just get shot down.

Farmer Browns pigs

Farmer Brown has a bunch of pigs that are all female. He decides to breed them to increase the size of his herd. So he calls his friend farmer Jones and asks if he can bring his sows over to mate with farmer Jones' boars. Farmer Jones agrees, so next morning, farmer Brown loads all his pigs into ...

What’s black and brown and looks great on a lawyer?

A Doberman.

A blonde woman who recently died her hair brown stops by a sheep ranch...

She talks to the rancher and makes a deal with him. She tells him she'll guess exactly how many sheep he has in exchange to be able to take one home.

She guesses 692. Amazed, the rancher lets her select her prize. While she was putting her pick in her car the rancher says, "If I guess your re...

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Everyone debates butts vs. boobs, but nothing beats a pretty face.

Except for Chris Brown

What’s brown and sticky?

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

What’s pink and slippery?

A pink slipper.

What’s brown and runny?

Usain Bolt.

Blondes

A young blonde, out of money and down on her luck, needed some quick cash. Desperate, she decided to kidnap a child and hold it for ransom…

She went to the local playground, randomly grabbed a kid, took him behind a nearby building, and in a stern voice she told him, "You've been kidnapped, ...

There is only one thing that beats a beautiful girl with amazing voice.

And that’s Chris Brown

I told my girlfriend that brown rice was just white rice with a criminal record...

...she called me a riceist

Clarence the brown-nosed reindeer.

He was right behind Rudolf, he could fly just as fast as him, but could never stop as quick as Rudolf.

What do you call someone who hates brown rice just because it’s brown?

A riceist.

What's brown and sticky on the inside, brown and sticky on the outside?

Any open jar of Marmite.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Brown Bear

A bear walks into a bar and sits down. He bangs
on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, “We don’t
serve beer to bears in bars.”

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully,...

What's the difference between Chris Brown and a Tesla?

The Tesla gets fewer battery charges in a year.

The Charlie Brown Foundation is now accepting donations.

All proceeds go towards good grief counsellors.

What's brown, smelly and sits on top of a piano?

Beethoven's Last Movement

What did the brown gerbil say to the white gerbil?

"You must be new here."

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stuck in their apartment with their kid during the COVID quarantine, the Smith’s are desperate to fuck...

So they send little Johnny out on the balcony with a popsicle and a notebook with the directions to log what all the neighbors are up to during the quarantine.

After they finished with their twenty minute *alone time,* Mr. Smith lets Johnny back in from the balcony. ”So, Johnny, what did you...

What is brown and sticky?

The prime minister of Ukraine's nose

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The color palette of most public restrooms in public beaches and forests is on the depressing earth-tones and brown side…

…I mean, shit.

An Irish man frees a genie

and happy to be released from his confinement, the genie grants him 3 wishes.

The Irishman thinks about it, and says "I want me a pint of Guinness that is never empty."

So *poof* a pint appears, filled to the rim with the rich brown drink. The man drinks it down, and when he places it...

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A man walks into a bar with a brown paper bag.

He goes to the bar and starts to pull things out of the paper bag. First he pulls out a tiny little piano. He then pulls out a tiny little bench for the piano. Finally he pulls out a tiny little man and sits him down on the bench at the piano. The little man starts playing beautiful piano music. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Sally came home from school and with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frank Brown showed me his willy today!"

Before the mother could respond, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."

Relaxing with a little smile, Sally's mother asked, "Really small was it?"

Sally replied, "No...salty."

An English man, Welsh man and a Indian man walk are in a maternity hospital.

The doctor tells them theres been a mix up and doesn't know who's baby is who's. The English man runs in and grabs the only brown baby and starts to walk out. The Indian man looks relly confused and says "I'm pretty sure that's not your baby it looks Indian so it's mine". The English man says "I kno...

I call my wife Bambi

She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes. But it's really because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle.

**Edit:** Some people have accused me of "being a plagiarist" and "stealing other's jokes"... Their words, not mine...

*Pause for comedic value*
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