What’s brown and smelly and sits on a piano stool?

Beethoven’s last movement

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr. Dre

What has two grey legs and two brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them.

The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guy says, ‘What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.’ ‘I don’t need to outrun the bear,’ the first guy says. ...

A blonde is tired of being teased, so she dies her hair brown and moves to the countryside...

A blonde is tired of being teased, so she dyes her hair brown and moves to the countryside. As she’s driving home one day she spots a farmer leaning on a fence chewing a piece of straw.

“Ha, I’m going to put one over on that dumb farmer!”, she says to herself, pulling over.

“Greetings,...

Don't think that colour doesn't matter. Brown, yellow and black must be eliminated so that only white remains. It's the only way to reach victory.

Said the snooker teacher.

Clarence the brown-nosed reindeer.

He was right behind Rudolf, he could fly just as fast as him, but could never stop as quick as Rudolf.

Lately, whenever I read a comic strip about Charlie Brown or Snoopy I break out in hives.

I think I’m allergic to Peanuts.

What's brown and sticky on the inside, brown and sticky on the outside?

Any open jar of Marmite.

Roses are red, Cellos are brown

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down ;)

What do you call someone who hates brown rice just because it’s brown?

A riceist.

Why did Rihanna get back with Chris Brown?

Because she didn't want to be a one hit wonder.

Doc Brown goes for a new paint-job on his car, and decides to go that extra step and theme the vehicle after Star Wars

Whenever people see it they say, "Man, DeLorean!"

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A farmer gives an interview about his cows

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer(naturally a bit flum...

She went missing !

Husband: My wife is missing. She went mountain biking yesterday and has not come home!

Officer: Age?

Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 25 and 35. We don't do birthdays.

Officer: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

OFFICER : Weig...

My Canadian friend eats a bowl of fries, cheese curds and brown gravy every single morning.

It's just his daily poutine.

Nothing beats a girl with a great singing voice

Except Chris Brown

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A big, burly, 6’10” 283lb guy walks into a bar carrying a brown box...

Everyone is staring quietly because of the sheer size of some random guy seemingly on a mission.

He walks up to the counter and orders two shots of whiskey. After downing them both in succession, he reaches into the box and pulls out a huge snapping turtle, shows it to everyone around. Then t...

What is brown, hairy, lives in the desert, has four legs, two humps, and is full of cement?

A camel - I put in the cement just to make it harder.

Everyone knows about Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer..

But few know about Harold the Brown Nose Reindeer.

He was as strong as the rest, and could fly as high..he just couldn't stop as fast.

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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

Why did Charlie Brown take his pole dancing routine so seriously?

He was tired of doing comic strips.

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It’s Monday morning Show and Tell in Mrs. Brown’s kindergarten class.

She asks the class what they did over the weekend.

Timmy raises his hand, “I rode on the choo-choo!” Mrs. Brown shakes her head and corrects him, “No, Timmy. You rode a TRAIN. Remember class, we don’t use baby words anymore. We use grown-up words when we talk about things.”

Susie thin...

What is that stuff called that makes a banana turn brown?

\[Spoiler\]

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"

The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"

He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.

"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"

"Hey lady," says the ...

A husband and a wife have four children the oldest three are tall with blonde hair, the youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said

“honey, can you be completely honest with me, is our youngest son mine?” The wife says “I swear to all that is holy he is your son.” Then the husband died and the wife muttered, “thank god he didn’t ask about the other three.”

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung!

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A kindergarten teacher is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely".

To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's grey and cloudy". Another student says, "Gras...

What's brown and smells like bacon?

Kermits finger

What goes blonde brown blonde brown blonde brown blonde?

A naked blonde doing a cartwheel.

I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes...

But in reality it's because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle

A man had the most dangerous spider in the world, a Brown Recluse, stuck in his keyboard.

He called his wife about it.

"Hey honey, I have a venomous spider in my house!" He said.

"Oh my God, are you okay?" His wife asked.

"Yes, I have it under CTRL."

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Both of my parents have brown eyes, so I wasn't too surprised when my girlfriend asked me where I got my blue eyes from.

I'm not 100% certain, but I think they belong to the hitchhiker chained in the basement.

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Why did the baker have brown hands?

Cos he kneaded a shit.

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What's the difference between a brown noser and a shit head?

Depth perception.

A woman is mad that her husband is preoccupied with snooker and is ignoring her in bed...



She's had enough and decides that tonight is the night she gets some love in the bedroom. She dresses in the most seductive lingerie she has, pours two glasses of their favourite wine, and waits.

The man comes home after midnight where she meets him at the door. "I'm sick and tired of...

I have green skin, a nose three times the size of the horn on my head, four brown teeth and my neck is covered in furry scales... what am I?

Ugly.

A farmer ask his neighbor:

A farmer ask his neighbor: Do you have way to identify cows? I have two and i want to know which is which.

The neighbor, thinks:
Umm, you can cut the edge of the ear of only one of them.

The next week,
Farmer: I've tried your idea but the other cow got too close to the sharpe fi...

Walnut daiquiris

Old Doc Brown had a peculiar routine for the end of his workday. He would always stop at the bar on his walk home and slowly sip a walnut daiquiri. Like clockwork, 5 days a week for 20 years, Doc Brown would stroll in at 6pm, sit at the end of the bar, and drink his daiquiri.

Jack tended the ...

Good Trade !

I remember once when I was driving home from one of my business trips through Northern Arizona, when I saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, I stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he'd would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, ...

Typical

An engineer is having is lunch. It is a beautiful day so he takes his brown bag lunch outside to the fountain beside the office.

He sits on the edge and is about to tuck into his sandwich when a frog hops out of the fountain and says to him "Hello! Thank goodness you're here. I am a beauti...

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Once there was a polar bear named Jerry.

Jerry hated living at the north pole and constantly bitched about it to the other polar bears.

“It’s too fucking cold here” he said. “The water is all frozen, there’s nothing to eat but penguins and I’m constantly covered in fucking snow”.

The other polar bears rolled their eyes and ...

Little Jimmy is in first grade...

All his art work he has been bringing home from school is in black and brown. Fearing this may indicate a mental health problem, his parents take him to a psychologist for evaluation.

The psychologist says "First I would like to see a sample of your art work" and hands him a sheet of paper...

Roses are red, nuts are brown

Skirts go up, pants go down.

Body to body, skin to skin.

When it’s stiff, just stick it in.

It goes in dry and comes out wet and the longer it’s in, the stronger it gets.

It comes out dripping and It starts to sag.

Nothing to enjoy more on Sundays than a Lipto...

Polar bears used to be brown but through evolution, they turned white

because Police were shooting them



\-Mark Normand

Brown bears vs Grizzly bears

A Canadian park ranger is giving some ramblers a warning about bears, “Brown bears are usually harmless. They avoid contact with humans so we suggest you attach small bells to your rucksacks and give the bears time to get out of your way. However, grizzly bears are extremely dangerous. If you see an...

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[NSFW] A big, brawny guy crashes through the saloon doors:

“I’M BIG! I’M MEAN! AND I GOT A COCK THE SIZE OF TEXAS!”

A small, scrawny man standing nearby stammers out- “Wha... what’s your name?”

“TURNER BROWN!”

The little guy faints dead away. A few minutes later, the big guy manages to rouse him:

“WHAT AILS YA’ SON? ALL I SAI...

Chipotle guy asked, "White rice or Brown rice ?"

I am not ricist, I said.

I was speaking to my Chinese neighbour recently

His English is remarkably good, and we were talking about the difficulties of our jobs during the pandemic.

"It's a complete hassle being a delivery man at the moment", I told him. "We have to be extremely careful handling the mail and we have to stand back, wait and watch to see that people ...

What big, brown, hairy, and has a white liquid inside?

Coconuts

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OC: By a hobo, to a hobo, about a hobo (a Melvin tale)

(This story was told to me by my friend Mondo, about our mutual friend Melvin. We're all hobos here, living on the streets in the affluent community of Roseville, California. If you're ever in the area and you see a frail old man carrying a massive green rucksack, give ol' Melvin a beer for me. He w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are the two sexiest farm animals?

Brown Chicken, Brown Cow.

My reddish-brown Toyota minivan caught on fire yesterday

It’s a burnt burnt sienna Sienna.

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A nun comes to visit

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers, and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked...

What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?

A coconut on vacation.

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. ....

"One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking i...

A blonde changed her hair color

There was a blonde who was fed up with all the blonde jokes she had heard. So she changed her hair color to to brown.

She was driving along a country road and saw a shepherd herding sheep. She stopped and dared the shepherd. She asked if she could take a sheep if she could guess how many of t...

What’s the best part about getting a toy from Bobby Brown?

Battery included

A blonde girl...

...wants to know what life is like as a brunette girl, os she goes to the hairdresser and has her hair died brown.

Eager to show the wrld her newly acquired intelligence, she goes on a walk and meets a shepherd.. She walks towards him and says:

‟if i can guess how many sheep you've i...

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There was a girl called Sally Brown...

...who said no man could lay her down

And over the hill came Piss-Pot Pete,

With fifty pounds of swinging meat.

He layed her down upon the grass,

And fucked the pants right off her ass.

Then, with one tremendous fart

She blew Pete's balls five miles apart<...

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A woman walks into a pet shop looking for a bird. The employee of the pet shop walks up to her and asks, "What are you looking for?"

The woman explains she wants a bird who can sing. The employee explains "We have one, but he only sings Christmas songs". The womans says "well I'd love to see it!" The employee walks into the backroom and brings out a pretty, brown parrot. "His name is Chet and he only sings when you light a fire u...

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I got a new puppy. All it does it eat newspaper, and then a little while later, it poops newspaper.

It’s really cute. It’s little, round, and brown... with flecks of newspaper.

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Turn Around

A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.” The small guy faints.

The big dude picks up the...

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A man was traveling through Asia when one night, he stopped at a monastery

He asked the monks for a place to sleep and some food, and the monks indulged him. But that night, he couldn't sleep. He kept hearing this droning, thumping sound. After a while, he went to investigate. He followed the sound down the stairs, into the basement. There he encountered a richly decorated...

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What does the farmer say to his wife when he’s feeling sexy?

Brown Chicken Brown Cow

What's the difference between toilet paper and toast?

Toast is brown on both sides.

A baby polar bear went out to play one day...

...but an hour later he was back inside. He asked his mom, "Mom, am I a brown bear?" His mom replies, "No, your father's a polar bear, I'm a polar bear, you're a polar bear. Now go back outside and play."

...a half hour later, the baby polar bear comes back in. "Dad... am I a grizzly bear...

Why don't you see brown envelopes in the mail anymore?

Because everyone knows white mails get through the system faster.

Do you like white rice? Or brown rice? Or yellow rice?

I love all rice equally. You're just Ricest.

A bloke is sent by his wife to get snails to make escargot...

"I expect ya back in an hour as the bread's already bakin' and the wine's already breathin' on the table" says his wife .

The bloke walks down the path towards town and the local market. Upon arriving he finds the snails, and he spends a good five minutes picking out the biggest and juiciest ...

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How do parents in West Virginia explain underwear to children?

**"Yellow means front, brown means back."**

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Three Brothers

Three brothers all decide to get married on the same day. Following the ceremony they're in the bar discussing how many times each is going to have sex with their new wives that evening and they soon set a wager. The following morning around the breakfast table, obviously unable to discuss the wager...

New 911 audio recordings of Chris Browns assault on Rihanna has been released to the public for the first time.

It’s called Chris Browns greatest hits.

Roses are Red, Chocolate is Brown..

My wife ate asparagus and wants me to go down.

&nbsp;

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If a kiss-ass is called "brown nose,"

Would a drunk kiss-ass be called "shit-face?"

Why did the karate student wear brown shoes to the dojo?

He didn't have a black belt

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Help, my wife is missing!!!

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over 170 centermeters tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never ...

What's the difference between a brown family and a white family?

On an average the brown parents have 4 kids while the white kids have 4 parents.

What is brown and sticky?

The prime minister of Ukraine's nose

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