What did the brown gerbil say to the white gerbil?

"You must be new here."

What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr. Dre

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A man walks into a bar with a brown paper bag.

He goes to the bar and starts to pull things out of the paper bag. First he pulls out a tiny little piano. He then pulls out a tiny little bench for the piano. Finally he pulls out a tiny little man and sits him down on the bench at the piano. The little man starts playing beautiful piano music. ...

What' brown and sticky?

A stick!

I call my wife Bambi, she thinks it's because she is cute with big brown eyes.

But in reality I just hope someone shoots her mother with a hunting rifle.

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows.”

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown.”

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to b...

Which artist has a brown finger?

Picasso

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A bull, a brown cow and a white cow.

A boy was watching the pasture field while his mom collected eggs in the hen house. Suddenly he runs in the hen house yelling.

Son: MAMA, MAMA, GUESS WHAT?!

Mom: What son?

Son: I WAS WATCHING THE PASTURE FIELD AND THERE WAS A BULL, A BROWN COW, AND A WHITE COW! THE BULL WENT UP...

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Two cows

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give? Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day. Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see....

How did Rihanna found out Chris Brown was cheating on her

She found another girls lipstick on his knuckles

Did you hear about the ship that crashed on an island with a cargo of red and brown paint?

Apparently the whole crew was marooned.

What’s brown, soft, and sits on a piano bench?

Beethoven’s First Movement.

Farmer Browns pigs

Farmer Brown has a bunch of pigs that are all female. He decides to breed them to increase the size of his herd. So he calls his friend farmer Jones and asks if he can bring his sows over to mate with farmer Jones' boars. Farmer Jones agrees, so next morning, farmer Brown loads all his pigs into ...

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung.

How does Chris Brown's girlfriend know that he cheated?

Different shade of lipstick on his knuckles.

A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair; the youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, “honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?” The wife said, “I swear to all that is holy, he is your son.”

Then the husband died, and his wife muttered, “thank god he didn’t ask about the other three.”

What's green, has 6 brown legs and will kill you if it falls on you from a height?

A snooker table

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What's the difference between an ass kisser and a brown noser?

Depth perception.

Roses are red, Cellos are brown

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down ;)

There is only one thing that beats a beautiful girl with amazing voice.

And that’s Chris Brown

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My vodka Christmas cake recipe

Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year! (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4...

Jokes about white sugar are rare enough, but jokes about brown sugar?

Demerara

Blonde dyes her hair brown, because she's tired of all the blonde jokes

this blonde girl dies her hair brown because she's tired of all the jokes she decides to take a ride one day in her convertible. She's got the top down and she's cruising up an Old country road.And comes across this sheep herder. So she stops and pokes her head over the convertible and says excuse m...

An investor wishes to purchase a cow

An investor wishes to purchase a cow from a farmer. When he visits the farm, the investor finds the farmer along with 2 cows- One black, one brown. The investor begins to ask the farmer about the cows.

"So how often do you feed them?"

"The black one? Or the brown one?" asks the farmer....

The Charlie Brown Foundation is now accepting donations.

All proceeds go towards good grief counsellors.

What happened when the brown chicken met the brown cow?

Brown-chicken-brown-cow

What has 2 gray legs and 2 brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea!

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So I handle financial transactions for a multibillion dollar company and I am working and this complete bitch with brown hair walks into my store and you know what she says to me?

Woof woof woof woof woof.

A man throws bears into lakes

A man travels the world, throwing bears into lakes. In Asia, he threw a sun bear into a lake, but all that happened was that the bear became angry. In North America, he threw a grizzly into a lake, and again it was angry. In Europe he threw in a brown bear, and again it was angry. Finally, he went t...

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An old Jew is walking home from work

An old Jew is walking home from work and passes a fancy restaurant. He looks in the window and sees rich people talking and laughing as they eat delicious cheese blintzes.

The old man is inspired: "blintzes for dinner!" and continues his long walk home. When he gets home, he announced to his ...

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A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, a...

A blonde is tired of being teased, so she dies her hair brown and moves to the countryside...

A blonde is tired of being teased, so she dyes her hair brown and moves to the countryside. As she’s driving home one day she spots a farmer leaning on a fence chewing a piece of straw.

“Ha, I’m going to put one over on that dumb farmer!”, she says to herself, pulling over.

“Greetings,...

What do Jesus and Michael Jackson have in common?

They were both born brown - but remembered white

I couldn't remember what the brown rough stuff was on the outside layer of tree trunks...

I asked my cat and she said, "Meow". No help.

I asked my bird and he said, "Tweet". Useless.

I asked my dog and they said "Rhytidome, you buffoon."

Clarence the brown-nosed reindeer.

He was right behind Rudolf, he could fly just as fast as him, but could never stop as quick as Rudolf.

Three guys are talking, the first guy says...

..."I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn." And the second guy says, "Well, I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort." And the third guy says, "I got you both beat. I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe

Set up by a 4 year old

True story. This morning my 4 year old granddaughter asked if I new what a baby jumper was. I told told her I didn’t know. So she grinned, began jumping up and down, and told me it’s a baby that jumps.

Bear with me. I didn’t realize her literal answer was just a set up.

She then asked ...

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A big, burly, 6’10” 283lb guy walks into a bar carrying a brown box...

Everyone is staring quietly because of the sheer size of some random guy seemingly on a mission.

He walks up to the counter and orders two shots of whiskey. After downing them both in succession, he reaches into the box and pulls out a huge snapping turtle, shows it to everyone around. Then t...

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Heard on the Underground

A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...
1) "Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cro...

War dress code

There is a war going on between the Germans and the Scottish and in the middle of the war two soldiers from opposite sides stop to talk and one of them asks the other “why do you wear red uniforms?” They respond “when someone is shot the blood blends in and morale stays up. Why do you wear brown uni...

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The Attack Monkey

After recently being robbed, a middle-aged wife tells her husband to go out and buy an attack dog. So the next day, the man goes out to his local pet store. "Hello sir, I would like to purchase an attack dog." The store clerk shakes his head. "Sorry, we don't sell attack dogs here. But we DO have an...

A sheriff walks into a saloon, the doors swinging on their hinges behind him

“I’m gonna need your attention” he exclaims.

Everyone in the bar hushes up.

“I’m lookin’ for a wanted man” says the sheriff.

“What’s he look like sheriff?” asks a patron standing at the bar.

The sheriff responds “Well now, he’s been seen wearing a brown paper shirt, brown...

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An old business tycoon marries a young supermodel but knows his jealousy will eventually, get the better of him…

So everyday, the tycoon; Mr Green, rings up his new wife from his office on the top floor of his international corporation headquarters in the city to their penthouse apartment in the suburbs. And everyday, regular as clockwork the wife answers, slightly out of breath and always surprised to hear hi...

Mr Brown was an avid golfer, who was terrible, yet every chance he'd get, he's hitting the links.

One day, as he was heading out, his wife asked him to take their son with him, since she was going to be too busy.

Reluctantly, he agreed, and loaded up the car to go to the course.

Knowing that his son wasn't athletically gifted, he decided he was going to use him to keep score for hi...

How does a brown-noser clean their mask?

They shake the sh*t out of it!

Don't think that colour doesn't matter. Brown, yellow and black must be eliminated so that only white remains. It's the only way to reach victory.

Said the snooker teacher.

What do you call someone who hates brown rice just because it’s brown?

A riceist.

What's brown and sticky on the inside, brown and sticky on the outside?

Any open jar of Marmite.

What is brown, hairy, lives in the desert, has four legs, two humps, and is full of cement?

A camel - I put in the cement just to make it harder.

A blonde woman goes to the shop and sees a TV

She asks the employee if she can buy that TV. The employer says they don’t sell to blondes.

So she dyes her hair brown and comes back with the same request. The employee again says they don’t sell to blondes.

So she dyes her hair black and comes back for a third time. The employee says...

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them.

The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guy says, ‘What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.’ ‘I don’t need to outrun the bear,’ the first guy says. ...

Lately, whenever I read a comic strip about Charlie Brown or Snoopy I break out in hives.

I think I’m allergic to Peanuts.

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That's my name!

Skinny white man goes into a lift and looks at huge black man who says, "Before you ask me I'm 7ft tall 350llbs have a 20"willy and my balls weigh 3llbs each, Turner Brown. White man faints, when he comes to he asks the black man to say that again. Black man repeats his statistics and says my name's...

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"

The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"

He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.

"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"

"Hey lady," says the ...

“Get me my Red Shirt"!

A navy captain is alerted by his First Mate that there is a pirate ship coming towards his position. He asks a sailor to get him his red shirt.

The captain was asked, “Why do you need a red shirt?”

The Captain replies, “So that when I bleed, you guys don’t notice and aren’s discouraged...

My Canadian friend eats a bowl of fries, cheese curds and brown gravy every single morning.

It's just his daily poutine.

A pirate’s pants

There was a pirate captain who would ask his lieutenant to bring his red trousers whenever an enemy vessel was sighted and battle would ensue.

One day his lieutenant asked him “captain, why do you always wear your red trouser to battle?”
To which the old ruffian replied “So that when I b...

Why did Rihanna get back with Chris Brown?

Because she didn't want to be a one hit wonder.

For talk like a pirate day

There was a famous pirate captain who before a battle would turn to his ensign and say
“Fetch me me red shirt”
After the battle was won the ensign asked
“ Why the red shirt captain?”
“ If I get shot or wounded the shirt will hide the blood and the crew won’t be alarmed”
A month lat...

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This is as good a day as any to post this old one...

An older catholic priest is sweeping up between the pews after mass when a very attractive scantily clad young woman rushes into the church. She is visibly upset as she runs up to the priest, holding her face in her hands and sobbing.

Although the priest noticed her ample physique and skim...

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Here It Is! The Poopie list!

Ghost Poopie--The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie--The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie--The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unw...

Why did Charlie Brown take his pole dancing routine so seriously?

He was tired of doing comic strips.

One thing at a time.

Once upon a time, a little old lady went to the doctor.

She said, "Doc, I don't know what's wrong, but I've had an constant problem with flatulence for weeks now. It's not much inconvenience, because they're quiet, and they don't stink, but I've farted 4 times just while I explained this to ...

Got this one from a coworker the other day.

There was once this great pirate captain who refused to lose any battles no matter the cost. He would give up anything to secure victory in battle.

One day while sailing the open ocean he and his crew encounter an two enemy ships so he yells to his first mate “get me my red shirt!” So the fi...

Why don't you see brown envelopes in the mail anymore?

Because everyone knows white mails get through the system faster.

Why did the baker have brown fingers?

Because he kneaded a poo.

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A new housing development begins in a small residential neighbourhood.

As the construction workers are working, they notice the six year old girl who lives opposite the site is sitting there, watching them with obvious interest. For the first few days, she just sits there, watching them. They give her a friendly wave, and she just smiles and waves back.

As ...

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Albert the village postman is retiring after 50 years on the job

So he puts on his satchel and collects his last mailbag from the post office, and sets out on his last round.

He drops off a few letters at the local library. The librarian smiles and presents him with a leather bound volume of The Complete Works of Charles Dickens: "Here you are, Albert. We...

What goes blonde brown blonde brown blonde brown blonde?

A naked blonde doing a cartwheel.

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A man visits his doctor for an exam.

"Well, Mr.Brown." Says the doctor. "I have just discovered that you have one testicle made of wood and another made of steel."

"But that's impossible." Says Mr.Brown. "I've never had any operations and apart from that I have perfectly healthy children."

"How old are your children?"
...

What's brown and smells like bacon?

Kermits finger

The hanging

A cowboy rides into town one day and drops into the saloon for a drink. He looks around the bar and says to the bartender “This place is empty today, where is everybody?”.

The barman tells the cowboy “Everyone’s at the hanging’”.

“A hanging” huh?” says the cowboy. “Who they hanging?”<...

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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

Everyone knows about Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer..

But few know about Harold the Brown Nose Reindeer.

He was as strong as the rest, and could fly as high..he just couldn't stop as fast.

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