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Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has pissed “Trump Sucks” in the fresh snow.

Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says “Mr President, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is we’ve done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it’s Mike Pence’s.” “That traitor”, shouts Trump. “I’ll have him hang...

Trumpty Dumpty

Trumpty Dumpty promised a wall

Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall

All the golf courses and all the white men

Couldn't Make America Great Again

Betty White just turned 99 and she still doesn't need glasses.

She drinks straight from the bottle.

What did Trump say to Biden in the hallway of the white house?

Pardon me, please.

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer

Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

An American and a Russian were talking in a bar The American began to boast about his country, claiming it's the land of the free. "I could walk straight up to the White House and shout "Death to the American President" and nothing happens to me."

Hearing this the Russian smirked

"I too can walk up to the Kremlin and shout " Death to the American President", nothing bad happens to me either"

What's black and white, black and white, and black and white?

"A penguin rolling down a hill"

My 6 y.o just told me this one and I don't know why I laughed so hard. I felt it should be shared. Lol

A white scientist is studying a tribe in Africa

A white scientist is studying an African tribe.

One day, the tribe leaders wife has a white son.

The tribe leader approaches the scientist soon after.

"Well, we both know what happened here. No one else could have done it. You slept with my wife, I have to kill you." The tribe l...

What’s black with white stripes and can’t fly?

A parking lot.

One sunny day in January 2021, an older man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a parch bench

He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with president trump." The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, trump is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.

The following day, the same old ...

What's white and annoying at breakfast.

An avalanche.

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
...

Snow White was in bed, feeling Happy

Happy got out, so she started feeling Grumpy

Why is it easy to accidentally walk in on the White House Press Secretary while she is in the bathroom?

The P is silent.

A son asked his mother, "Why are wedding dresses white?"

She replied, "It shows your friends and relatives that the bride is pure."

Then the son went and asked the same question to his father.

"All household appliances come in white," said his father.

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Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay? What's your name?"

"It's John, and I'm okay, thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.

"John," she said, (firm loose breasts undula...

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Had sex with an Asian, a black and a white in the same night.

Perks of having a Panda.

In Prison Why is The White Guy Scarier Than The Black Guy?

Because the White Guy did it

A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store with a beautiful, much younger gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring o...

-Mom, is God black or white?

\-Both, mother answers

\-Is he male of female?

\-Both

\-Mom, is Michael Jackson God?

Why can't Trump enter the white house anymore?

Because it's now forbiden.

It is not polite to call people White Trash

The proper label is white non-recyclables



Yeah ok it's not great but it's what I got

The other day I punched a white dude and got arrested for assault,

Today I punched a black guy and got arrested for impersonating a police officer.

I asked my friend why has he stopped making jokes and puns about Trump after he was sacked from the White House.

He said he's Biden his time

What do you call a white car?

Carcasian

What's black, and white, and OBVIOUSLY belongs in NeverLand?

Pan, duh.

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A white guy at a public toilet....

A 34 year old white man goes to a public toilet to piss. As he is about to do his business, he sees a beam next to him but no person. He looks around and sees a black man with an enormously large penis that is about 20 cm behind him. The white man shyly addresses the black man: "Is it really true wh...

I'm teaching my white blood cells math and my red blood cells computer science

Once they become STEM cells I am hoping to regrow a finger.

Why can’t 2 Asian people make a white child baby

cause 2 wongs don’t make a white

What’s the white stripes favourite kind of moisture? Dew

dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew

Do you know where Chuck Norris stands on White Nationalists?

On their necks.

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Two Jews are arguing before the Rabbi

J1: "Black is a color!"

J2: "NO! it is not!"

J1: "It is a color!"

J2: "Rabbi, is black a color?"

Rabbi: "Well, sure..."

J1: "See, I told you. And so is white!"

J2: "White is not a color!"

J1: "Rabbi?"

Rabbi: "Well, yes, white is a color"
...

Do you know why you should be wearing white on a funeral?

\#ffffff

What did Joe say to Donald on his way out of the White House today?

Bi-don

A kid asks his mother: "how come im black and youre white?"

She replies: "listen, the way i remember that party, youre lucky you dont bark."

A white woman has a baby with a white husband

The parents rush to the hospital to deliver the baby. The baby pops out and the baby is... black?

''Well that took a dark turn'' said the husband

An alien drops by the White House and exclaims: "take me to your leader". The alien is introduced to Donald Trump, who ushers it into the oval office to chat. 30 seconds later, the alien exits the room and walks back towards his ship.....

"Where are you going?! Our worlds have so much to discuss and learn from one another!" calls a Senator.
"You are right!" responds the alien.
"See you on Thursday!"

Bought a litre and a half of White-Out/Tipp-Ex

Big mistake

What's the difference between a a Shakespeare play and a Trump-era White House press conference?

One is The Taming of the Shrew.

The other is the shaming of the true.

By nature, Jason was very intelligent but a bit shy. One day he went into a bar, and he saw a stunningly attractive woman sitting alone at a table drinking a white-wine spritzer.

Jason couldn’t take his eyes off this lady, and eventually, he gathered up the courage to walk across and speak to her.

“Hello, I’m Jason. Would you mind if I sat with you and chatted for a while?” asked Jason quietly but politely.

The woman responded by yelling at the top of her voice...

What's the seven dwarf's nickname for snow white?

Heigh Ho.

I told my Dad that crazy people have taken over the White House

He said, "So nothing new then"

Doesn't matter if you are tall or short, fat or thin, black or white, at the end of the day...

It will be night time.

The president is walking out of the White House towards his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims his gun.

A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the Secret Service agent’s supervisor asks him, “Why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse?”

Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout...... Donald, ...

Don't think that colour doesn't matter. Brown, yellow and black must be eliminated so that only white remains. It's the only way to reach victory.

Said the snooker teacher.

Whats white, can create people, and is everywhere after a long night?

Snow

Melania Trump greeted the White House Christmas Tree.

First natural wood she's seen in years.

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.

Two white mice chat...

The first one asks: "Did you get the Covid-19 vaccine?"

The second replies: "Hey, I am not crazy they didn't yet finish the tests on humans!"





Vote me down to oblivion but still the answer is 42!

Why did white leave red?

Red blue yellow.

Ivanka Trump is walking a dog outside the White House...

A Secret Service agent sees her and says "Good Morning, Ma'am."

"Good morning." She replies.

"That's a very cute dog, ma'am." the agent says trying to make polite small talk.

"Oh, thank you. I got it for the President." She replies with a smile.

"Excellent trade, Ma'am."<...

She went missing !

Husband: My wife is missing. She went mountain biking yesterday and has not come home!

Officer: Age?

Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 25 and 35. We don't do birthdays.

Officer: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

OFFICER : Weig...

“Mommy, why is some of your hair white?”

“Well, you see my child,” says the mom.

“Every time you make me sad, one hair turns white.”

“Oh really mommy,” exclaims the daughter.

“So then what did you do to grandma?”

What do you call a surrogate mother in the White House?

The secret cervix.

Record low temperatures causing snow and freezing all over the southern United States.

Finally: white people in Texas are having problems with ICE.

I love dalmatian puppies, but the only pups in my neighborhood are all white.

I spotted one this morning.

Joe biden enters the white house. Donald trump says "you don't have the right to take the presidency from me!"

Joe Biden responds: "perhaps not, but I do have the left!"

Why do native Americans hate the month April?

Because April showers bring may flowers..
and mayflowers bring the white people

The White House has suddenly turned into such a polite place.

Everyone is going around saying, "Pardon me."

What do you call a bunch of whites guys sitting on a bench?

The NBA

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Jimmy Carter, a president, invited Leonid Brezhnev to the White House for an evening of the usual state activities.

As part of the entertainment, Carter invited Brezhnev to sit down at the official White House piano and play a dirge of the Volga or the Fall of Leningrad. As Brezhnev sat down to play, he could not help but notice a red button at the end of the keyboard.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, he...

A Veterans Day Joke: If Donald Trump refuses to leave the White House...

They should just rename it Viet Nam and see how fast he leaves.

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A white man was on holiday in Jamaica

The man had recently gotten a tattoo on his penis. When it stretched out, it would spell «Anne», but it only said «Ae» when flaccid.

One day after he and his wife were done at the beach, he went to the public showers and saw a Jamaican with the letters «Wy» on his schlong.

«Does it sp...

Donald Trump’s latest strategy to win back the White House is...

...to change his name to Joe Biden

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The airplane was filled with people to the last seat, everyone was waiting for the pilot and co-pilot to arrive.

Finally they come. The people can see them through the windows, they get inside the plane and the passengers are freaked out. Both pilot and co-pilot are wearing blindfolds marking them as blind, have white canes with them and dark sunglasses. The people freak out a bit, but after both of them get i...

Why did Santa quit shaving and grow out his now long white beard?

Same reason why he's called "Saint Nick".

Red white and blue stand for freedom

Right up until you see them flashing in your rear view mirror

What do you call a blind white supremacist?

A Not-See

Why do white girls always travel in odd numbers?

Because they literally can’t even.

Trump is the first person in American history who is refusing to concede and leave the White House despite losing the election.

I think he really wants to be the precedent.

Doctors say Rudy Giuliani's white blood cells count was low

but he’s demanding a recount.

What do you call a group of racist white chickens

COO CLUCKS CLAN

As the first fleet rounded the headlands and sailed into Botany bay the local Aborigines could see several men looking towards them through big fancy telescopes. One of the Aborigines comments "stupid white man,

can't even play the didgeridoo".

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I like those black and white films where no one says anything

Interracial Porn

[NSFW] What is black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white, red?

A penguin rolling down a staircase.

White and Wong

One Sunday, back in 2005/2006, as i was reading the comics from the local paper, i was trying to remember the name of one of the actors from Law and Order: SVU. For the life of me i couldn't remember his name. My grandpa, being a smart-ass, gave me a hint by saying A.C. White. I thought about it for...

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.









Edit: Swigity Swoo, I got a silver from you?

Edit: Golly Gee, a gold for me?

Edit: Boo hoo, a baby snoo too?

Edit: Cowabunga Grift, I got a coin gift!

Edit: Beagle pup, here comes a bless up!

What’s black and white and read all over?

An artic fox on black tar heroine

A blonde walks into the White House in 2021

White House security escorts the blonde out and says:

“Go home! You don’t live here anymore, Donald”

What did Snow White say when she came out of the photobooth?

Someday my prints will come…

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discre...

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A billionaire was having a party at his house

And in his back yard he had a huge pool with great white sharks in it.
He announced to everyone at the party that whoever could swim across the pool without getting attacked could either have all his money, his wife, or his house.
So when everyone got back to talking all of a sudden a guy is ...

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I asked my daughter if she knew what today was.

To my suprise she said presidents day.

I asked her if she knew why we celebrate presidents day.

She said that its the day the president walks out of the white house and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of bull shit.

If the green man lives in the green house, the yellow man lives in the Yellow house and the blue man lives in the blue house, who lives in the white house?

An orange man who doesn't want to leave

How do you milk a white sheep?

Give them a red hat

What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear?

White vans.

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Becoming White

A 5 year old African American wanted to see what it was like to be white so he covered himself in sugar. He went up to his mother and said “look mama I’m a white boy now!” and she punches him in the face and he then goes to his father and says “look pops I’m a white boy now!” and he takes off his be...

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Tom did like he always does....

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into
bed and falling asleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with
an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of
his bed.


"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are
you?" he asked. ...

Trump doesn’t want to leave the White House.

Unfortunately for him, once a baby comes to full-term it has to come out.

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A white guy, an African American, an Arab and a Mexican walk into a bar......

...and they all sit there and drink and have a nice time like good friends. What did you expect you fuckin racist?

I have a Vanna White joke ....

but I’d have to spell it out for you.

In an African tribe village, the chieftain's wife gave birth to a white skinned child.

The chieftain quickly figured the voluntary doctor from Europe might be to blame. So the chieftain asked him to talk in his tent.

Chieftain: "Today my wife gave birth to a white child. She and I are dark skinned. You are white. It doesn't take a doctor to figure out that you have slept with ...

So a young black boy walks in to the kitchen where his mother is baking, puts his hands in the flower covers himself in it and tells his mother "look I'm a white boy!"

His mother slaps him and tells him to show his father.
He goes to his father and says "look dad I'm a white boy! " His father slaps him and tells him to show his grandmother.
He shows his grandmother and says "Look I'm a white boy! " She slaps him and sends him back to his mother.

...

What happens when the new President moves into the White House, but the old President refuses to leave?

####'My Two Presidents'

New CBS Tuesdays after NCIS: The Really Odd Couple 10/9c

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First-year students at the Florida School of Veterinarian Medicine were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving an animal's body." For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger into the butt of...

The White House has become low income housing and it’s main tenant is a broke, deadbeat

There goes the neighborhood!

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

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A black Christian man and a white Jewish man walk into a bar...

"That's racist!"

Okay, so a Christian man and a Jewish man walk into a bar...

"That's religionist!"

Okay, so two men walk into a bar...

"That's sexist!"

Okay, so a man and a woman walk into a bar...

"That's homophobic!"

Okay, so two people walk into a...

A letter gets sent to the White House addressed to "The World's Greatest President"

President Biden refuses to open it, seeing as though he hasn't earned the title, so he forwards it to Obama. Obama won't touch it and sends it to the estate of George H. W. Bush, who promptly forwards it to George W. W won't look at it and sends it to Reagan's Presidential Library, where Trump hap...

Somebody stole all the books in the White House

Donald was fuming he hadn't finished colouring them in

A Catholic, a woman of color, a doctor, a Jew, and a rescue dog walk into the White House...

This is where the joke already left.

A World War I French fighter pilot walks into a bar...

He goes up to the bartender, orders a glass of red wine and walks over to a beautiful woman. Taken to him, he passionately kisses her on the lips and then takes a sip of wine.

“I am Jacque La Roque, famous French fighter pilot! When I have the red meat I must have the red wine.

She rep...

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So I did some research...

and Chinese people like listening to music on their phones with earbuds, black people like portable speakers, Mexicans prefer cheaper systems in their home with big speakers and white people like higher end but compact systems...

Sorry, I guess I shouldn't be discussing racial stereo types.

Nobody wants to listen to White Snake with me

So here I go again on my own.

Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison?

Cause you know he is actually guilty.

Trump’s being driven through a backroad out to the White House...

Trump’s being driven through a backroad out to the White House one night when suddenly, the car lurches to a halt.

The driver explains that a pig from a nearby farm wandered onto the road and he hit it.
Trump is a bit annoyed, but tells the driver, "Just go to their house, tell them you're...

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A white guy and a black guy are taking a shower.

The black guy sees the white guy’s willy has the letters “Wy” on the side.

“Can I just ask you,” the black guy says, “why do you have “Wy” on the side of your willy?”

“Well,” says the white guy, “when it’s erect, it spells “Wendy”, my girlfriend’s name. Your willy also has “Wy” on it. ...

Why does Feb get the leap day?

White months can't leap.

If a white bird makes white babies and a black bird makes black babies, what bird makes no babies?

A swallow!

My daughters fall asleep to white noise.

So in the evenings, we turn on Fox News.

joe biden moving into the white house

and looking for the half a sandwich he left in the break room four years ago

I'm AMERICAN and I BLEED red, white and blue!

I really should see a doctor about it, but I can't afford the copay.

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Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives....

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."
...

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So this guy named dave...

Goes to his boss and says "Everyone in the world knows me." The boss says " Ok then lets see Tom Cruise." So they fly to LA go to Tom Cruise's mansion and knock on the door and Tom Cruise opens the door and says "Dave come on in and have a beer." The boss still doesn't believe Dave so he says "Let's...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is Semen white but urine is yellow?

So you can tell if you’re cumming or going!

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A tribe of Indians capture a cowboy

They bring him back to their camp to meet the chief.

The chief says to the cowboy, "You going to die. As is our tradition we will give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die.

What is first wish?"  The cowboy thinks for a moment and then responds, "I want...

It's funny how the colors Red, White, and Blue represent freedom.

Until they're flashing behind your car

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"Hey! I heard China just legalized same-sex marriage!", says a white man to a Chinese national.

"No we didn't.", replies the Chinese national.

"But Taiwan just legalized same-sex marriage!"

"No… Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

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The worst joke in the world

WW3 breaks out and the President authorizes use of the most powerful weapon ever made, a joke so bad it causes instant death to the listener. The problem is, it was said to be developed in revolutionary times by British expats and nobody could remember where it has been stashed away.

To find...

What is blue and white and can't climb a mountain?

A fridge wearing a denim jacket

Whats white, round and giggles ?

A tickled onion.

A company needs to hire an executive but they don't know what field they need

So they line up interviews with an engineer, a lawyer and an accountant. The first to be interviewed is the engineer. The interviewer points to a white board with "1 + 1" written on it and says "What does this equal?"

The engineer looks at the equation and says "Two. There is no other answer,...

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My 13 year old son was attacked for being white and a Donald Trump supporter.

And I'll fucking do it again.

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