[NSFW] So yesterday I went out side and punched a white person, I was charged with assault, today I went outside and punched a black person...

...I was charged with impersonating a police officer.

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"Hey! I heard China just legalized same-sex marriage!", says a white man to a Chinese national.

"No we didn't.", replies the Chinese national.

"But Taiwan just legalized same-sex marriage!"

"No… Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

Why do native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

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White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do.

We do it in schools because we have class.

What do you call 5 white guys sitting on a bench?

The NBA

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in DC.

One is from New York , another is from Tennessee and the third is from Florida.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job ...

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until

they are flashing behind you.

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Everybody is talking about how bad white people are now, but I think they should be praised for a super important thing.

A white man killed Hitler.

A man decides to buy two horses. When he brought them home he realized he needed some way to tell them apart .

So he called his neighbor to help out. The neighbor said "You know, you could just snip a little bit of one horse's tail and leave the other one's intact, that way you can tell them apart by the length of the tail". The man liked that idea and he took some scissors and snipped a bit of the first hor...

What do you call 64 white people in a room?

One full blooded Cherokee.

What do white knights put on their bread?

M'lasses

Buzz Aldrin and Mike Collins were invited to the White House to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the moon landing...

Buzz got to enter the White House and meet with the president, but Mike had to spend the entire visit driving in circles around the White House.

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I'm so patriotic, I piss red white and blue.

My doctor told me it was pancreatic cancer.


I told him to shut his commie mouth.

I hate it when they say, "white people can't dance"...

Like Hello? We had the king of pop himself micheal Jackson.

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[NSFW] a white guy is showering at the gym alone when in comes the biggest and most muscle bound black guy he has ever seen walks in...

The black man whips off his towel and reveals the largest member on a dude the white guy has ever seen. He can’t stop staring and it makes the black man uncomfortable after a few minutes

“You got a problem?” the muscles dude says

“I have to be honest” starts the white guy, “that thing...

What’s the difference between an innocent black guy and a white serial killer?

One is on his way to prison, and the other is a white serial killer

There were two white christian men, John and Mike, whose plane crashed into a desert. Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do.

As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then John said ''Muslims are there. They might help us if we say we are Muslim.'' Then Mike said ''No way, I won't say I'm Muslim, I'm gonna be honest''.

So John and Mike went to the Mosque ...

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What's black, white, and red all over?

That fucking cat if he knocks over the trashcan again.

I got a job crafting toy models of the dwarves from Snow White.

The pay sucks, but I'm not lying when I tell people I make seven figures.

What do you call a black and white bra?

Zebra

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Long. A little white rabbit is being chased through the forest by a bear.

As they are running, they both trip over a magic lamp. The genie pops out and looks at the two.

“Since you both touched the lamp, you will both get 3 wishes,” says the genie.

The bear starts jumping up and down waving its paws and says “Oh, oh, oh, me first! I wish all the bears in thi...

Why do white teenage girls always hang out in groups of 3, 5 or 7?

They just, like, literally can't even

Monica Lewinski could’ve been a great White House secretary...

Too bad she blew that opportunity

How does Walter White make a stir fry?

With Ricin

What sits on a tree, is black and white, and is very dangerous?

A cow with a machine gun.

What do you call it when a KKK member is rambling incoherently?

White Noise!

What does the White Rhino have in common with Alex Trebec?

They’re both in jeopardy...

Nothing like selling an old man your selfies in skin tight outfits, covering strangers with your sticky white goo, and taking compromising photos when they’re vulnerable.

I sure loved the old Spiderman movies.

stolen from comments of r/showerthoughts

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.

My wife didn’t appreciate this joke but we saw a guy on a jog wearing a white glove.

I said he was running a Jackson 5k.

Know how they say once you go black you don't go back. Yeah well, once you go white.

Your credits tight!

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A skinny little white guy walks into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The little guy faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy s...

You don't get many jokes about white sugar but jokes about brown sugar, well..

Demarara.

In the mid-1950s, black and white were in harmony.

Unfortunately, that was only on the TV screen.

What nationality was the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland?

He was Russian!

They say white people can't jump.

Well, I just got jumped by 3 of them, so I beg to differ.

The president was walking out of the White House...

The president was walking out of the White House heading towards his limo when a possible assassin jumps out and aims his gun.

A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!”
This startled the would be assassin long enough to be captured.

Later the secret service age...

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Why do black people wear hoodies more than white people?

Black people wear them outdoors, on the streets while white people wear them indoors at their weekly meetings.

If a black bird brings black babies and a white bird brings white babies. What kind of bird brings no babies?

Swallows

What's a white supremacist's favorite board game?

Nahtzee.

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A white guy gets “Wendy” tattooed on his dick.

It only shows “Wy” when flaccid.

He goes on vacation to Jamaica. In the bathroom peeing, he glances over at a Jamaican guy next to him and sees “Wy” tattooed on his dick too.

He says, What a coincidence! Is your wife named Wendy too?

The Jamaican man notices the guy’s dick tat...

What's white and blue and will kill you if it falls out of a tree onto you?

A refrigerator wearing a denim jacket.

Why doesn’t Snow White have any children?

She’s still waiting for her prince to cum

Why is the French flag blue, white, and red?

In case a war starts, they can tear off the sides and surrender.

White cow, black cow

A man was hiking through the mountains with his family when they met a cowman with two cows. They approach him

"Good morning my friend. My children have never seen a cow in their life, may we get near?"

"Yeah, to the white cow" he answers.

"What about the black one?" Asks the f...

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A blonde, brunette, and a redhead come across a white puddle in the middle of the apartment hall...

The brunette looks at it and goes, "It looks like semen."

The redhead sniffs at it and goes, "It smells like semen."

The blonde tastes it and goes, "It's not from anyone in this building."

Why do Native Americans hate April?

April showers bring may flowers. And may flowers bring white people

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What is the white stuff in birdshit?

Also birdshit.

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A Black man and a White man are arguing about what colour God is

The 2 men were arguing this for quite some time, each say God is their respective skin colour when a priest walks by. The white man asks the priest whether God is black or white. The priest responds with “why don’t you ask God yourself. So the Black man proceeds to yell out “God are you black or are...

I saw a little Mexican kid get dragged into a white van

Talk about Alien Vs Predator

What do you call white mouse rappers?

Vanilla mice

Student wearing one black and one white shoe in the class

Teacher : Go home and change your shoes.
Student : What's the point. At home also there is one black and one White only.

It’s almost December at the White House, and Donald Trump orders his aides to put up a nativity scene on the lawn...

After working for a few hours to set one up, the aides step back to look at their work.

“It looks pretty good,” says the first one.

“Yeah, but I’m not sure the boss will like it,” says the second.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, look at these three wise men. *Three wise men...

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A black guy, a white guy, and an Asian guy are riding in a car.

They get pulled over for speeding and the cop tells them if all together their penises add up to 20 inches, then he will let them go.

So they measure the black guy’s penis and its 10 inches.

Then they measure the white guy’s penis and It’s 9 inches.

They then measure the Asian g...

The purple man lives in the purple house. The blue man lives in the blue house. Who lives in the White House?

The orange man.

How do you spell the color that is an equal mix of white and black?

USA: Gray

Britain: Grey

Canada: Grehy

Did you know, Google is making a new type of keyboard with only the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9? They're advertising it towards white women...

Because they "can't even"

It doesn’t matter if you’re white or black.

We are all pretty shady.

Before his inauguration, George W. Bush was invited to take a tour of the White House.

After drinking several glasses of water, he asked President Clinton if he could use the bathroom in the Oval Office. He was astonished to see that the president had a solid gold urinal installed. That night, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal.



“Just think,” he said, “whe...

SeaWorld was recently bought out by white supremacists.

"Oh no, notsea world!"

- Is white a color?

- Yes it is.

- Is black a color?

- Yes it is.

- That means I sold you a colored TV!

A suspicious white substance was found today at Arizona Cardinals practice

Police concluded that the substance in question was actually the goal line, and we shouldn’t have to worry about any further scares this season.

A rich white man made an offer.

One hot summer day a rich politicians car broke down. An African American family living on the street offered there help. They called a local car fixing company and gave him food and drinks. After a while the politician made an offer:

Politicain: "as a reward for your help ill pay for a cru...

A black pepper and a white pepper walk into a bar

After a while the black pepper notices the white pepper looking at him all crazy and says "Whacha lookin at?"

And the white pepper says "ACHOOOO!"

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.

One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
...

What Does a White Woman Make For Dinner?

Reservations

What is the difference between organized crime and the Whitehouse?

The Whitehouse isn’t organized.

So I dated this white girl once. We're where driving around looking for a place to eat. I asked her have you ever had five guys

She said once but she was really needing the money

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy: "I lost my virginity to Barry White."

Girl: "Me, too! What song was it for you?"

Guy: "Song?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Snow White and Prince Charming are on a date.

They kick the 7 dwarves out so they can have the cottage to themselves to do what they're gonna do. The dwarves decide to spy on the couple, and peek in the window by making a ladder and standing on each other's shoulders.
Prince Charming kisses Snow White, and the dwarves start telling each oth...

What do you call a white man with a big d*ck?

Michael Jackson

Why are white girls so odd?

Because they literally can't even.

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

How do you turn white chocolate into dark chocolate?

Turn off the lights.

What’s the scariest thing about a white man in prison?

You know he actually did it

What do basic, white girls from the backwoods get at Starbucks?

Bumpkin spice lattes

Snow White and the 7 dwarves were in bed, feeling Happy

Happy got out, so they started feeling Grumpy

Why aren't there any white jokes?

No one wants to get on the shooter's bad side.

What’s white and can’t climb trees?

A fridge.

Spread sheets are usually people’s first step into white supremacy

How else do you cut eye holes evenly, with out spreading it out first?

It doesn't matter if you're black, white, old, young, tall, short or even if you're from another country. It's what's INSIDE that counts!

I love you refrigerator!

In the green house lives MR green in the blue house lives MR blue in the pink house lives MRS pink who lives in the white house?

The president

What’s white, lies all the time, and gets laid every night?

A mattress

What’s 7 and a half inches long, white, and tastes funny?

An expired Zero bar.

Why did the white supremacist start a baking company?

Because his family had a long history of being in bread.

A farmer is being interviewed on TV about his prize-winning cows.

The interviewer asks, "So tell us, what are you feeding these cows?"

"The black ones or the white ones?" the farmer replies.

"Uh... the black ones."

"Oh," says the farmer, "I feed them grass."

"Ok then, what about the white ones?"

"I feed them grass, too" the farme...

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Everybody knows there are words only black people can say, but what can only white people say?

"Thanks for the warning, officer."

What does the white supremacist pirate say?

Well I’m not gonna repeat it but it ends with a hard Arrrr!

What’s long, white, and gets longer because of white girls?

The line at a starbucks.

Trump was out walking on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that somebody had urinated on the White House lawn to spell out "The President Sucks."

Infuriated, Trump called on the secret service to figure out who had done it. In a few hours, they came to him and told him that there was some bad news and some worse news.

"The bad news is that the urine is from Putin."

"Vlad? How could he do this to me? What could be worse than this...

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