Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago , another is from Tennessee , and the third is from Minnesota .

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
...

The president is walking out of the White House towards his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims his gun.

A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the Secret Service agent’s supervisor asks him, “Why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse?”

Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout...... Donald, ...

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer

Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

My Cocaine Is So White

Police Let It Go With A Warning

Trump’s being driven through a backroad out to the White House...

Trump’s being driven through a backroad out to the White House one night when suddenly, the car lurches to a halt.

The driver explains that a pig from a nearby farm wandered onto the road and he hit it.
Trump is a bit annoyed, but tells the driver, "Just go to their house, tell them you're...

Why is the white bishop piece in chess the fastest?

Because it's on F1.

You know what’s scary about a white man in prison?

You know he actually committed the crime.

What do you call a white supremacist at a BLM rally?

An ambulance.

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A black kid puts powder on his face and realised he looked white

So he went down to his mom and said
“Look mom I’m white”.

His mother tells him
“Don’t do that, it’s not funny now go wash up”.

The kid then goes to his dad who said
“Why are you doing stupid things. Now go clean up”.

The kid disappointed with his parents reaction say...

What's black and white and red all over?

Two nuns in a knife fight.

What’s black and white and read all over?

A penguin in a blender

I was bitten by a Great White at a Florida beach.

I mean, he used the phrase "Aryan Superior," but either way that was one coked-out skinhead.

A man calls the White House

Operator: How I can help you?

Man: I want to be the next president.

Operator: Are you an idiot?

Man: Is that compulsory?

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.









Edit: Swigity Swoo, I got a silver from you?

Edit: Golly Gee, a gold for me?

Edit: Boo hoo, a baby snoo too?

Edit: Cowabunga Grift, I got a coin gift!

Edit: Beagle pup, here comes a bless up!

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Becoming White

A 5 year old African American wanted to see what it was like to be white so he covered himself in sugar. He went up to his mother and said “look mama I’m a white boy now!” and she punches him in the face and he then goes to his father and says “look pops I’m a white boy now!” and he takes off his be...

What's the difference between black and white?

If you're white, you'll get Captain America.

If you're black, you'll get capped in America.

What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench

The NBA

Polar bears used to be brown but through evolution, they turned white

because Police were shooting them



\-Mark Normand

[Late]If there's a blue house on the left and the red house is on the right where's the white house?

Idk they turned the lights off

What's black & white and goes "oom! oom!"?

A cow walking backwards.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 13 year old son was attacked for being white and a Donald Trump supporter.

And I'll fucking do it again.

What’s black, white, green, black and white

Two skunks fighting over a pickle

Jokes about white sugar, they're rare. But jokes about brown sugar...

Demerara

Why do middle aged white executives not have a problem with quarantine?

Because they're under house arrest anyway

How do you measure the obnoxiousness of middle-aged white women?

In degrees Karenheit.

What’s white and disrupts dinner?

An avalanche.

What goes back and forth, makes white stuff, and feels different if you use your other hand?

A toothbrush

Pinocchio, Snow white, and Superman

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a little stroll in town one afternoon enjoying the sunshine.

As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering!" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out an...

Martin Freeman and Andy Serkis are the only white actors in Black Panther, he played Bilbo and Serkis was Gollum.

They're the Tolkein white guys.

What do you call it when a white guy is dancing and has a seizure?

An improvement.

The president walks out the White House and one of his body guards spots a shooter.

Quickly, he shouts "MICKEY MOUSE" and charges the gunman. Confused, the shooter is managed to be apprehended and the body guard is a hero.

The next day his boss invites him into his office and asks why he shouted mickey mouse. Blushing, he replied " I was panicking and I meant to say, Donald ...

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What do you call virgin white girls?

Tighty Whities.

Chipotle guy asked, "White rice or Brown rice ?"

I am not ricist, I said.

In an African tribe village, the chieftain's wife gave birth to a white skinned child.

The chieftain quickly figured the voluntary doctor from Europe might be to blame. So the chieftain asked him to talk in his tent.

Chieftain: "Today my wife gave birth to a white child. She and I are dark skinned. You are white. It doesn't take a doctor to figure out that you have slept with ...

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Guy gets sent to prison for white-collar crime...

Guy gets sent to prison for white collar crime. It's his first sentence, so he decides to play it low key. His cellmate helpfully suggests if he has any questions he can just ask.

A month later, he says, "You know, I think I have the basic feel for the place, people to avoid, the guards...

His first time visiting white church, my black friend danced for joy and shouted "Hallelujah!" every time the preacher spoke.

That's the last time I invite him to a funeral.

White priest goes and lives with an African tribe. He spends his days teaching the way of the lord.

After several years, a village woman gives birth to a white baby. The Chief is not happy with this. When he confronts the priest, the priest tries to explain these things happen in nature. With the chief not understanding, the priest tries to explain further.

"Ok chief. See that flock of shee...

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The most offensive thing as a black man is when you walking down the street and an old white woman clutches her purse.

Bitch really thinks she stronger than me.

Have you heard of the government documentary “White-Out”?

Probably not, I heard it got covered up.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a Jack and Coke.

The bartender reaches behind the bar and grabs a dark red apple, and hands it to the customer.

Dumbfounded, he says “Hey man, what the hell is this? I asked for a Jack and coke!”

The bartender said “Just go a head and take a bite.”

So the man took a bite and his eyes widened “W...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of 100 people dressed up as Vikings, promoting the new exhibition at the Smithsonian, was seen parading in front of the White House today.

Famously uncivilised, destructive and rapacious, with an almost insatiable appetite for rough sex and heavy drinking, the US Senators nonetheless came out to watch the parade.

What big, brown, hairy, and has a white liquid inside?

Coconuts

There's an old saying in China: It doesn't matter whether the cat is black or white

it still tastes the same.

I'm AMERICAN and I BLEED red, white and blue!

I really should see a doctor about it, but I can't afford the copay.

An older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at o...

I bought a new white noise machine today!

It plays Weezer 24/7

Why do Native Americans hate April?

Because April showers bring May Flowers, and Mayflowers bring white people.

One day I punched a white guy and I got arrested for assault,

The next day I punched a black guy and got arrested for impersonating a police officer.

My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.

Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.

That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids ar...

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A lady who is cheating on her husband

There's a lady who is cheating on her husband. One day while they are having sex she hears her husband pull into the driveway. Her boyfriend says "oh no! What should we do?!" She says "hurry! Get dressed and go to the living room!" Once they're in the living room she starts sprinkling baby powder al...

I saw a man in the street with a dog and a white stick. I said ‘You must be blind.’ He said ‘Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.’

So I said ‘There’s a tree over there.’

What’s black and white and red all over?

Communist propaganda in the 50’s

What’s white and blue and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?

A fridge in a denim jacket.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Hey! I heard China just legalized same-sex marriage!", says a white man to a Chinese national.

"No we didn't.", replies the Chinese national.

"But Taiwan just legalized same-sex marriage!"

"No… Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

Why did Snow White get kicked out of Disneyland?

She sat on Pinocchio's nose and screamed, " Lie to me! Lie to Me!"

Do you like white rice? Or brown rice? Or yellow rice?

I love all rice equally. You're just Ricest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A white guy in a bar goes to the toilet...

While he’s standing there a black guy comes in, stands at the next urinal, and whips out his massive dick. The white guy asks how he got it.
The black guy tells him, “Every night I tie a piece of cord around the end and pull it tight for five minutes.
The white guy thanks him and leaves. The t...

Did you hear that some white supremacy supporters are holding a fun run?

They are saying it will be the most superior race in town

As The White House suggests the peak could be in sight.

Scientists warn that in reality, Trump has several levels of stupidity to go yet.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden:...

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Everyone is angry at the White House because they had time to prepare for Corona, but what about the Egyptians?

Egyptian mummies predicted Covid-19 in the prophecies by social distancing in big houses and hoarding toilet papers.

[NSFW] So yesterday I went out side and punched a white person, I was charged with assault, today I went outside and punched a black person...

...I was charged with impersonating a police officer.

When do white people meet?

Caucasionally.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone knows Dave

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave ...

Did you know the white-tail deer can jump higher than the average house?

This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact the average house can't jump.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a homeless man with a sign that said “1 dollar for dirty joke."

Seemed like a good investment to me so | gladly
handed over a dollar.

Homeless man: “There is black rooster alright? How many legs
does that chicken have?"

Me: “Two?”

Homeless man: “Right, now how many wings this black rooster
got?”

Me: “Two?”

Homeless man...

What would Martin Luther King Jr be if he were white?

Alive

Deep in the Amazon jungle, a tribe witnessed white people for the first time...

...and immediately regretted installing TikTok.

Breaking news! Snow White down to six dwarves...

...Sneezy has been quarentined by the CDC

Y'all heard about the white shirt wearing thief, who got away with a whole lot of iron and chromium, all without dirtying his clothes?

... It was a stainless steal...




Yes, I'll see myself out... Bye!

The President asks 3 people if they can paint the White House

He asks a Chinese person how much money will he need and he says “3 million dollars. 1 million for the paint, 1 million for the workers and 1 million for me”

He asks an American person how much money will he need and he says “7 million. 2 million for the paint 3 million for the workers and 2 ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump is exiting the White House and heading into his limo...

...when someone pulls out a gun and aims it at him.

A newbie secret service agent, spotting it first yells:"MICKEY MOUSE!".

The would be assassin stops in confusion, giving the other agents time to pin down and arrest him.

When the press reports were over, the newbies supervisor...

A guy comes up to White River Junction in Vermont...

The sign says “White River 2M” and “White River 2M”. Confused by the sign, he finds a local and asks,

“What difference does it make if I take the left or the right?”

The Vermonter says, “Not to me it don’t.”

What does McDonalds and the White House have in common?

They’re both run by a clown and have high turnover.

Why do the Native Americans hate when white people ask to use their WiFi?

They're taking all their LAN!

I moved her panties to the side as I dumped my huge load of white...

clothes into the washing machine.

Blacks and whites should be separated

It’s not so hard to do the laundry correctly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.

One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years.
Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jew and a Muslim walk into the White House...

hopefully on January 20, 2021.

When my wife suggested getting a white noise machine for the bedroom, I was initially ok with it.

Then I realized I hate country music.

[NSFW] The seven dwarfs decided one day that they’re going to watch Snow White get undressed

So they go outside and stack themselves on top of each other to peer through her window:

Doc, Happy, Grumpy, Sneezy, Bashful, Sleepy, Dopey

“She’s taking off her shirt...”

“She’s taking off her shirt...”

“She’s taking off her shirt...”

...

“She’s taking off ...

The waiter asked me 'Do you want white or unrefined sugar?'

I said 'It doesn't matter - I'm Ambidextrose.'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

White people don’t shoot each other in the streets like black people do.

We do it in schools, because we have class.

When Joe Biden becomes president

The white house will be forbiden.

A blind fella is in a department store walking up and down the aisles with a white cane in one hand while swinging a service dog on a leash above his head with the other hand. A store employee asks if he needs assistance.

The blind fella replies, “No thanks, just looking.”

White men can't jump ...



Black men can't land

What's the difference between Walter White and Kool Aid man when it comes to children's privacy?

One of them knocks

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar

They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

The Apollo mission crew planted an American flag on the moon, but UV radiation has since turned it completely white,

So now it’s a French flag.

Why does the goldfish start fading to white?

Too much artifishal coloring.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A white man and a black man walk into a bakery

The white man immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the black, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see a thing." The black man says to the white man, "That's typical of you white people. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

...

A young man buys a brand-new bike

He is over the moon with his purchase. The salesman hands him a tiny jar of Vaseline before driving off, remarking: 'Be wary that your seat is made of 100% pure bison leather. Make sure to put vaseline on the seat, should it rain, otherwise the leather might crack.' The man thanks the salesman and r...

How does a white supremacist do their laundry?

Apar-Tide pods.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Difference Between Poetry and Prose

An English teacher was explaining the differences of poetry and prose to her class.

“Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow, and everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.”

“This is an example of poetry, but if I wanted to change it to prose I would say, ‘the l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black man is talking to a white girl.

“Do you prefer knickers in bed?”

“I like people of all colors!”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

“Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why's the groom wearing black?"

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