An atmosphere walks into a bar

With 0.2 pounds per square inch left over.

So I decided to build a Restaurant on the moon

The food is great and all but there's no atmosphere.

God decides to take a vacation...

So he goes to his travel agent to get some recommendations. God asks the agent where he should go and the agent says, "How about the Moon? It's supposed to be all the rage right now."

God thinks about it and says, "No... I'd like to go somewhere with a little more atmosphere."

So the a...

Due to the non existent atmosphere on the moon, the american flag is by now completely white.

Great, now everyone thinks the French were the first...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

During sex im like a high energy photon hitting the Earth's atmosphere...

I come fast and dont penetrate very far! ... ayyyyy!

I heard that because the moon has no atmosphere...

the American flag we planted there has lost its color and is now completely white. We need go up there and change it. Because we don't want anyone thinking the French beat us to the moon.

What would you call Neil Armstrong had he burnt up in the atmosphere returning to earth instead of landing safely?

An unfortu-naut...
God that was horrible....

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

what did the cloud say to the atmosphere?

what the hail was that?!

Have you guys heard about the new restaurant on the moon?

Early critics say the food is good, but there's no atmosphere.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Japanese man decides to do some travelling in Africa

A few days into his journey, he came across a tribe not far from a large and dense rain-forest. The tribe leader was ecstatic that someone of Asian descent was at his tribe. They quickly exchanged names and the tribe leader offered to give a quick tour of the rain-forest nearby.

Sato was amaz...

I was once asked in a job interview if I could perform under pressure.

I said, "I do my best work at one atmosphere."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A trucker is driving down a random stretch of highway

He happens upon a billboard while driving that reads...

Peaches, engineered for your taste!
Only 10 miles!

Mildly intrigued, the driver decides to check out what this means. "Engineered for my tastes, what bullshit!", he says.

Driving for the next couple miles, he final...

Did you hear about the restraunt that's opened up on the moon?

Service is stellar and the food is out of this world but theres no atmosphere..

Saw a good one earlier and got inspired to do something similar

I'll give it try. Since this is my first ever post on this sub, I hope you guys let me down easy.


One day, Larry walked past a TV store. On the screen of the fattest flat-screen TV, a national news-broadcast was running a story about an object from outer space on a collision course with E...

*Dad jokes intensify*

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

​

Great food, no atmosphere.

Doug was playing poker with some friends

As the night went on, he noticed the mood at the table was getting tense, so he decided to lighten the atmosphere a bit. As the next round started, and everyone else put their ante chips in, Doug reached into the snack tray and tossed a handful of potato chips into the pot.

"What the hell are...

Why are restaurants on the moon always so mediocre?

There's never any atmosphere.

An astronomer has realized an ancient society has been writing jokes all over Mars, Venus, and other celestial bodies...

The astronomer, getting a huge laugh out of them, decided to record them down. The astronomer kept looking into space, and he kept finding gems that he couldn't stop laughing at. One day, having recorded over 100 jokes, he decided to publish all of them in a book, because the jokes were so funny and...

John was an Astronaut...

John was an astronaut scheduled to fly on his first mission to the International Space Station. The media frenzy surrounding the launch was maddening. Everywhere John went, the media followed him.

He would part the curtains at his home in the morning, and the media was out there peering in, t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Holocaust Jokes Collection

Why did Hitler kill himself?

\- He got the gas bill

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Where was the highest concentration of Jews after world war 2?

\- The atmosphere

\--------------------------------------------------------------
<...

The flea jumping competition begins

Fleas from all over the country have gathered here today to take part in the contest. Expect an incredible show.

=

Team 1 from Muts-4-homes Animal Shelter take the stage.

=

The team lines up on the platform...

=

6 --
5 --
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Meteorite

Two birds are sitting in a tree when suddenly they see a fat man burning up in the atmosphere.

One bird turns to the other and says, "He must have been a meat-eater." To which the other bird responds, "...Right?"

(Shit joke I'm sorry)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why is so difficult to have sex in outer space?

No atmosphere

A German man went to London

While there, he decided to take in the atmosphere of the Great British Pub, and got talking with one of the patrons.

“So, where in Germany are you from?” he asked, after a couple of beers.

“Dresden,” the German man replied.

“Ah, Dresden! My father used to fly there three times a...

I went to a restaurant on the summit of Mt. Everest.

I give it 3 stars. Food was good, not much atmosphere though.

What's the worst part about parties in space?

No atmosphere

A new restaurant opened in space!

Mixed reviews so far. The food is over the moon, but prices are sky high and there’s no atmosphere at all.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Proof that Santa doesn’t exists

There are about 2 billion children on earth. But Santa does not have to visit Muslims, Hindus, Jews or Buddhists, which reduces the number to 15% or 378 million. Thus, with a world average of 3.5 children per household, there are 108 million households to visit if we can assume that there are at le...

Mr Bean and Einstein in a flight together.

Einstein: Hey Mr Bean, let's play a game. I would ask you a question. If you can't answer it, you will have to give me ten dollars. You ask me a question and if I can't answer it I would give you a thousand dollars.

Bean: Okay, we can play that.

Einstein: What's the percentage of Nitro...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the popul...

Whats wrong with the Bar on the Moon?

It doesn't have any atmosphere

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A blind pilot

A blind pilot is boarding his plane

The plane is full of deaf passangers travelling to Florida.

He greets the passengers, greets the rest of the flight crew, enters the cockpit and positions himself infront of the controls.

After him the co-pilot, who is also blind, boards the p...

Tax.

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to £100...
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this...

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay £1.
The sixth would pay £3.
The se...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I bought a parrot at an auction...

I bought a parrot at an auction, hoping that a companion might help me get through some tough times. The car ride home, the parrot had been quiet and an uneasy tension was building. Throughout the first night, my parrot remained quiet, but the next morning, I awoke to a machine-gun sequence of swe...

A rich man was strolling along a riverside with his 6 year old daughter and they came to a bridge...

On the bridge there was a hobo sitting and shaking his cup. As they were walking past, the rich man wasn't keeping an eye on his daughter, who was playing with the bars of the railing and she slipped through and fell in. Not knowing how to swim himself, the man shouted for help. Without saying a wor...

4 friends in their 20s....

Four friends in their 20s go to a new restaurant, Sands, because they've never been there before.

10 years later, they reunite and go back because the waitresses were so pretty.

In their 40s, they decide to go again because of the amazing wine selection.

Another 10 years pass an...

So two astronauts walk into a club on the moon...

One says to the other, "Let's bounce, this place has no atmosphere"

An airline joke my 83 YO dad sent me . Slightly NSFW

Dear Airlines:

Dump the male flight Attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with YOUNG good-looking strippers! What the hell!! They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the a...

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?

A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.

The year 2050: "Hey honey, want to go to mars today?"

Nah, I don't like the atmosphere.

I had this phone conversation the other day.

Me: “Consider this: like, right now, as we speak, there are human beings, like you and me, living in outer space. How crazy it is that we, as the human race, have collectively gathered the resources and technology required to haul dozens of tons of materials, entire habitats, up 350 thousand kilomet...

The ghosts of Christmas past, present and future are all sitting in a bar together.

What a tense atmosphere.

A bar owner and his dog

There was a bar owner that recently adopted a pet Labrador. The dog instantly became a good friend to the pub regulars and was not long officially made the pub mascot. The mutt became a part of the pub, and everyone who went there was greeted by the licks and unconditional love of the creature.
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This joke was recently voted best in Finland.

It's a pretty new and modern one, but it's still funny:

A Finnish and a Japanese company decided to organize an annual rowing competition with teams of 8. Both teams trained hard and long. On the day of the competition, both teams thought themselves to be in top condition, but the Japanese wo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Yesterday my GF seemed very nervous about giving me head...

..and instead was wildly smacking and hitting my thighs and lower stomach.
She seemed to be beating around the bush.

People always say I should be lucky to be able to live off workers comp, but it cost me an arm and a leg!

I was out of town for a couple weeks and I decided letting m...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Blue Drink

Ryan was new in the city and had heard about an interesting club on a skyscraper rooftop. Deciding to check it out, Ryan rode the elevator up to the roof.

*Ding*

The elevator doors opened and he was blown away by what he saw. The atmosphere, the music, the people, it was perfect. As ...

NASA was planning on building a restaurant on the moon

They cancelled because they figured it wouldn't have any atmosphere.

Space may sound romantic...

But I'd never take a date there; there's no atmosphere.

An illustrious Count, Wictor Oblodowsky, agrees to conduct Beethoven's 9th Symphony in a Baltimore gym.

He's hesitant at first. He'd only been to America once before, and it was a favor for a friend. The oboist in his orchestra kindly loaned him the first season of The Wire, but the Count never watched it, as he'd never gotten around to buying a DVD player.

After an uneventful flight and some t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] "Good Luck Mr Collins"

Two astronauts successfully landed on the moon and transmitted their thoughts and feelings back to mission control. They described the moon's surface, the atmosphere, the temperature and their feelings of elation at being there.

Just as the transmission was going off, one of the astronauts w...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman with no arms and no legs...

A woman with no arms and no legs is sitting by herself, crying, on a park bench facing a lake just before sunset. A handsome young man wandered by and noticed the woman crying. He walks up to her and places a comforting hand on her shoulder, saying "What's wrong, ma'am?"

"Oh...", the young wo...

How do your organize a space party?

You planet! (It won't turn out well though because it has no atmosphere.)

A young potato's night out

A young bachelor potato decides he wants a night out on the town. He hops in the shower and gets nice and clean, puts on some nice cologne, shaves off all those little hairs and puts on his best jacket. He decides to head down to a local bar for a drink and see where the night goes. As he orders his...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A tribute to the holiday season

Up until a few years ago, I would frequent a local chess club for shits and giggles. I wasn't very good at chess, but most of the people there were very into the game, knew all of the big names, went to a lot of big events, and some of them even got prize money from time to time.

Shortly befo...

There are two guys sitting in a bar, and one is complaining that he hasn't had any for a while.

The other man, sympathizes, and tells him of a 'place' he can go to get some relief. He also recommends "Stella" for his new friend.

'Stella?' the desperate one asks.
'
Trust me,' the other guy says. 'Stella gives the best blow-job
on the planet. The amazing thing is, half-way throug...

A short tale of Timmy

Timmy loved tractors. When he was growing up his room was covered in them. He had tractor wallpaper, a tractor bed, tractor sheets, tractor pillowcases and not to mention all of the tractor toys which he would lovingly play with every day.

On Timmy's 13th birthday his parents decided to take...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Good Girls Vs Bad Girls

Difference Between Good Girls And Bad Girls
Good Girls Open Few Buttons In Hot Atmosphere,
But Bad Girls Open All Buttons To Make The Atmosphere Hot.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Scary Tale of a Hitchhiker

There was this traveler who was hitchhiking on a dark night with rain and thunderstorm. He was out of the city limit waiting for a ride. Time passed but there was no car in sight on this ghostly night. The wind was blowing hard and rain was lashing his face. He was tired, hungry and miserable and co...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.