UPJOKE
earthairgascarbon dioxideambiancenitrogenauraexospherethermosphereoxygenmesosphereultravioletairspacegravitytroposphere

What's the difference between a pork chop and a small rock entering Earth's atmosphere from space?

One's meaty, but the other is a little meteor.

What do you call dough-based dessert items outside of a planet's atmosphere?

Spastries

what did the cloud say to the atmosphere?

what the hail was that?!

Why was the vegan comet upset?

As he entered the atmosphere he became a little meteor.

Why is it always a surprise when a meteor enters Earth's atmosphere?

Because they appear out of thin air.

I saw a 1 star review for Mars on Yelp

They said it lacked atmosphere.

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

Due to the non existent atmosphere on the moon, the american flag is by now completely white.

Great, now everyone thinks the French were the first...

NASA's Perseverance rover on Mars has successfully tested a device that can convert carbon dioxide (98% of Mar's atmosphere) into oxygen and carbon monoxide.

Sounds like a great idea, until all the Martians start dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.

Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?

It had great food, but no atmosphere.

There is a hostile atmosphere in the Picasso exhibit

A lot of side-eye

Humanity has colonized Venus and Mars. Venus is a pressure-cooker hellscape with an acidic atmosphere, and Mars has almost no atmosphere at all. In comparison, bad weather on Earth...

is such a first world problem.

An atmosphere walks into a bar

With 0.2 pounds per square inch left over.

Can you just imagine how pterosaurs felt seeing that meteor entering the earths atmosphere?

Probably pterofied.

What do you call a horror movie in ambient atmosphere with a very fancy monster?

Flair Witch Project.

I've heard Mars has no atmosphere...

I've heard Mars has no atmosphere, can we create an atmosphere by dimming the lights and playing smooth jazz?

I know a real nerd, and even though he's given up his interest in farm machinery, he still sucks the atmosphere out of the room.

He's an ex-tractor fan.

I heard that because the moon has no atmosphere...

the American flag we planted there has lost its color and is now completely white. We need go up there and change it. Because we don't want anyone thinking the French beat us to the moon.

How did Marjorie Taylor Greene find out about the secret Jewish Space Laser?

It Torah hole in the atmosphere!

Where did the computer mouse go to get a drink?

The spacebar

And you know I’ve been to a couple spacebars before, they’re all exactly the same. Great food, no atmosphere.

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During sex im like a high energy photon hitting the Earth's atmosphere...

I come fast and dont penetrate very far! ... ayyyyy!

What do you call an appliance that brainwashes the atmosphere?

An air conditioner.

Have you guys heard about the new restaurant on the moon?

Early critics say the food is good, but there's no atmosphere.

India Space mission.

The Indian government have said, the moon mission has been so successful, and have opened 4 corner shop stores and 3 Deli restaurants.. The food is good but there is no atmosphere.

Why did the alien refuse to attend the solar system's party?

He heard it had no atmosphere!

100,000 Pascals walk into a Bar

The atmosphere was a tad light.

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God decides to go on vacation

God decides to go on holiday.
He calls all his super-being mates up and they pop around to discuss a few suggestions.
"What about Mars," says one of them.
"Nah I went there 15,000 years ago," says God, "it was shit, no atmosphere and too dusty." "What about Pluto," suggests another...

Why do babies always cry on planes?

Because they go from at no fear to atmosphere!

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A Soviet Strip Club

In the seventies, Soviet party members decide on establishing the first strip club in Moscow


They plan out everything, yet somehow there's next to no income. After some discussion, they decide on inviting two American experts to inspect the place.

The Americans look around for a m...

Pascal walks into a bar

"Whoa, there is 100 000 of us!"

The bartender sighs:

"Yeah, but back in the day, there used to be a different standard. This place used to have atmosphere..."

For me, the biggest problem about colonies on the Moon would be the restaurants there.

They would have no atmosphere

I tried to start a comedy club in outer space once.

But sadly there was no atmosphere on opening night.

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A trucker is driving down a random stretch of highway

He happens upon a billboard while driving that reads...

Peaches, engineered for your taste!
Only 10 miles!

Mildly intrigued, the driver decides to check out what this means. "Engineered for my tastes, what bullshit!", he says.

Driving for the next couple miles, he final...

Have you heard about the restoran on the moon? The food was good but-

Wait wait stop, if you are going to say it had no atmosphere, I am going to kill you.

No, I was going to say everyone died.

What? How?

Because there is no atmosphere on the moon.

God decides to take a vacation...

So he goes to his travel agent to get some recommendations. God asks the agent where he should go and the agent says, "How about the Moon? It's supposed to be all the rage right now."

God thinks about it and says, "No... I'd like to go somewhere with a little more atmosphere."

So the a...

A rich man was strolling along a riverside with his 6 year old daughter and they came to a bridge...

On the bridge there was a hobo sitting and shaking his cup. As they were walking past, the rich man wasn't keeping an eye on his daughter, who was playing with the bars of the railing and she slipped through and fell in. Not knowing how to swim himself, the man shouted for help. Without saying a wor...

Why shouldn’t you party in a noodle shop?

So as not to disturb the soba atmosphere.

[Prop comedy] When you're at a formal event,

roll up both ends of your tie and ask, "Which end do you think's gonna unfurl the fastest?"

After they make their guess (or sarcastic remark)--pause for effect--create the atmosphere-- and let them drop!

They'll look at the tie first, then slowly pan up to your goofy grin..

and ...

4 friends in their 20s....

Four friends in their 20s go to a new restaurant, Sands, because they've never been there before.

10 years later, they reunite and go back because the waitresses were so pretty.

In their 40s, they decide to go again because of the amazing wine selection.

Another 10 years pass an...

Why are moon parties so damn boring?

Cuz there is no atmosphere!

So two astronauts walk into a club on the moon...

One says to the other, "Let's bounce, this place has no atmosphere"

Why are restaurants on the moon always so mediocre?

There's never any atmosphere.

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An airline joke my 83 YO dad sent me . Slightly NSFW

Dear Airlines:

Dump the male flight Attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with YOUNG good-looking strippers! What the hell!! They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the a...

A cosmonaut crash lands

A Russian cosmonaut has an emergency during his reentry into earth's atmosphere and his space craft crash lands in the Australian bush, way out in the middle of nowhere. After what seems like an eternity, he wakes up in a bush hospital clinic, very rustic, dirty, with foul smells and he is really ba...

Girlfriend: At least with the quarantine, the air pollution levels are down

Me: Well I kinda like the air pollution, it adds to the atmosphere.

It's my cake day and I don't know any new jokes so. Here are some old jokes I use to love as a kid

1. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
Answer = A stick.

2. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Answer = Thunderwear.

3. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
Answer = Dill with it.

4. What time is it when the...

Funerals are always so sad

Maybe because they have a grave atmosphere




~~i am not sorry~~

My wife left me because she said I kept leaving oxygen tanks around the house.

I thought that they created atmosphere.

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Space sex

SpaceX delayed again as atmosphere declares that they, "are tired, has had a long day, and a astronomical headache".

Alzheimer’s

Carl, a man with Alzheimer’s, goes out to a nice restaurant with his wife. The next day his friend Adam comes to visit him.

Carl: We went to an amazing restaurant last night, everything was perfect. The food, the atmosphere, the service, it was all unbelievably good!

Adam: Really? What...

A man walks into a 5-star restaurant...

A man walks into a fancy 5-star restaurant.

The host says to him: " Good evening sir. Do you have a reservation?"

The man replies : "Yes, actually."

The host asks: "Name?"

And the man replies: " Nah, the name is ok. It's just the atmosphere."

NASA have decided that the Astronauts are going to have a party in space this christmas, the food is going to be wonderful but:

No atmosphere..

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Good Girls Vs Bad Girls

Difference Between Good Girls And Bad Girls
Good Girls Open Few Buttons In Hot Atmosphere,
But Bad Girls Open All Buttons To Make The Atmosphere Hot.

I used to love tractors when I was a kid.

I had posters of them up on my walls, dozens of toy tractors I used to play with; I remember one year my parents surprised me for my birthday with a big cake in the shape of a tractor. They were an obsession.

As I grew older, I started to notice girls and put more thought into my studies, and...

What's the worst part about parties in space?

No atmosphere

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?

A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.

A bartender is thinking of closing early, it's been a slow day.

Just as he's about to start shutting down the bar and sending his staff home, the doors are flung open and a huge crowd of people flood inside. They're all singing and dancing, clearly in a celebratory mood, and it's all the bar staff can do to keep the beers flowing as the party atmosphere hits ful...

I was once asked in a job interview if I could perform under pressure.

I said, "I do my best work at one atmosphere."

Cloud Joke

Did you ever hear about the water in the atmosphere that tried to break the rules of condensation?

It wasn't a cloud.

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