What do you call dough-based dessert items outside of a planet's atmosphere?

Spastries

Can you just imagine how pterosaurs felt seeing that meteor entering the earths atmosphere?

Probably pterofied.

NASA's Perseverance rover on Mars has successfully tested a device that can convert carbon dioxide (98% of Mar's atmosphere) into oxygen and carbon monoxide.

Sounds like a great idea, until all the Martians start dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.

What's the difference between a pork chop and a small rock entering Earth's atmosphere from space?

One's meaty, but the other is a little meteor.

Humanity has colonized Venus and Mars. Venus is a pressure-cooker hellscape with an acidic atmosphere, and Mars has almost no atmosphere at all. In comparison, bad weather on Earth...

is such a first world problem.

You wouldn't be able to be a comedian in space

Because there is no atmosphere

Why was the vegan comet upset?

As he entered the atmosphere he became a little meteor.

Why shouldn’t you party in a noodle shop?

So as not to disturb the soba atmosphere.

Once upon a time on a dig in Egypt...

A few years ago I was in Egypt, on a dig site, not far from the banks of the Nile but out of the way of the Pyramids and Statues you'd associate with the usual "big finds" of the late 19th/early 20th century.

We were looking for a tomb, a new paper had raised interesting questions about a po...

There is a hostile atmosphere in the Picasso exhibit

A lot of side-eye

Due to the non existent atmosphere on the moon, the american flag is by now completely white.

Great, now everyone thinks the French were the first...

How did Marjorie Taylor Greene find out about the secret Jewish Space Laser?

It Torah hole in the atmosphere!

The Moon

There's a new restaurant on the moon. Great food, but no atmosphere.

NASA was experimenting with animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During sex im like a high energy photon hitting the Earth's atmosphere...

I come fast and dont penetrate very far! ... ayyyyy!

I've heard Mars has no atmosphere...

I've heard Mars has no atmosphere, can we create an atmosphere by dimming the lights and playing smooth jazz?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Soviet Strip Club

In the seventies, Soviet party members decide on establishing the first strip club in Moscow


They plan out everything, yet somehow there's next to no income. After some discussion, they decide on inviting two American experts to inspect the place.

The Americans look around for a m...

[Prop comedy] When you're at a formal event,

roll up both ends of your tie and ask, "Which end do you think's gonna unfurl the fastest?"

After they make their guess (or sarcastic remark)--pause for effect--create the atmosphere-- and let them drop!

They'll look at the tie first, then slowly pan up to your goofy grin..

and ...

The carbon dioxide levels in our atmosphere are now higher than they’ve ever been, but there are ways that we can reduce that number by half.

Divide it by 2.

On the last mission to the moon, NASA set up a restaurant. It didn’t last very long.

The food was good, but there was no atmosphere.

An atmosphere walks into a bar

With 0.2 pounds per square inch left over.

I heard that because the moon has no atmosphere...

the American flag we planted there has lost its color and is now completely white. We need go up there and change it. Because we don't want anyone thinking the French beat us to the moon.

what did the cloud say to the atmosphere?

what the hail was that?!

I saw a 1 star review for Mars on Yelp

They said it lacked atmosphere.

What do you call an appliance that brainwashes the atmosphere?

An air conditioner.

Why are moon parties so damn boring?

Cuz there is no atmosphere!

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon. I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

Need some help creating fake certifications

Apologies if this isn't a good sub to post a request like this. Happy to pull it down.

My coworker has been taking a lot of short online certification courses. Every day he finishes a new course, prints out the certificate of completion and proudly hangs the certificate up on his wall. He's ...

Small talk

The year is 2097. In the midst of a nuclear war, two babies are sent from Earth in a pod to an empty SpaceX bunker on Mars in the hopes they will survive and continue the human race.

After years in isolation and with packaged food becoming scarce, the young humans decided to venture out onto ...

Little Johnny decided to prepare ahead of the next day's lesson on fractions,

so he approached his father. His partly sober dad took his time to help Johnny using all the illustrations he could lay his hand upon.

The next day, after noticing how bright and happily Johnny appeared, the teacher tried to direct some questions to him.

Teacher: "What's 1/8 + 1/8?"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Space sex

SpaceX delayed again as atmosphere declares that they, "are tired, has had a long day, and a astronomical headache".

A man walks into a 5-star restaurant...

A man walks into a fancy 5-star restaurant.

The host says to him: " Good evening sir. Do you have a reservation?"

The man replies : "Yes, actually."

The host asks: "Name?"

And the man replies: " Nah, the name is ok. It's just the atmosphere."

A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings

"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."

A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said

"Norway"

[long] My company is locked down and I am required to work from home

I'm used to working in an open office space so this is a huge change for me. In order to make the transition as easy as possible, I have prepared my home office so remind me of work.

* I've purchased a piece of Limburger cheese and placed it on a plate in the middle of the room to remind me o...

Funerals are always so sad

Maybe because they have a grave atmosphere




~~i am not sorry~~

Embarrassing Fart Story

Here’s one that a lot of y’all can probably relate to. I’m probably gonna add more to it at some point.

.......

One day in third grade we were all sitting on the carpet listening to our teacher read something. My stomach hadn’t been too kind to me that day. .......


You know...

A guy, a pig, and a dog were the only survivors of a terrible shipwreck.

They found themselves stranded on a desert island. After being there for a few weeks, they got into a ritual of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, and the breeze was warm and gentle. It was a perfect...

A man was studying to be a filmmaker...

Since he was big live music fan, he started hitting up his favorite local bands and offering to do behind-the-scenes documentary sessions as promotional materials. He got a few bites and after shooting a few small acts, his work really took off, developing a reputation for the way he seemed to disap...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I won a trip to a Party in Space.

The food and beer was good.

The atmosphere was Crap.

God decides to take a vacation...

So he goes to his travel agent to get some recommendations. God asks the agent where he should go and the agent says, "How about the Moon? It's supposed to be all the rage right now."

God thinks about it and says, "No... I'd like to go somewhere with a little more atmosphere."

So the a...

My wife left me because she said I kept leaving oxygen tanks around the house.

I thought that they created atmosphere.

Did you hear they built a nightclub on the moon?

It's a far out location, but it lacks atmosphere.

The flea jumping competition begins

Fleas from all over the country have gathered here today to take part in the contest. Expect an incredible show.

=

Team 1 from Muts-4-homes Animal Shelter take the stage.

=

The team lines up on the platform...

=

6 --
5 --
...

Saw a good one earlier and got inspired to do something similar

I'll give it try. Since this is my first ever post on this sub, I hope you guys let me down easy.


One day, Larry walked past a TV store. On the screen of the fattest flat-screen TV, a national news-broadcast was running a story about an object from outer space on a collision course with E...

Why are restaurants on the moon always so mediocre?

There's never any atmosphere.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A trucker is driving down a random stretch of highway

He happens upon a billboard while driving that reads...

Peaches, engineered for your taste!
Only 10 miles!

Mildly intrigued, the driver decides to check out what this means. "Engineered for my tastes, what bullshit!", he says.

Driving for the next couple miles, he final...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An airline joke my 83 YO dad sent me . Slightly NSFW

Dear Airlines:

Dump the male flight Attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with YOUNG good-looking strippers! What the hell!! They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Going to the bar for the first time

So I went into the bar and was very nervous, I'm young and never experienced this atmosphere before. I'm trying to talk to all these ladies but none of my pick up lines are working, all my buddies have their girls they picked up and they're all dancing. I'm in the bar all alone and this beautiful bl...

Tax.

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to £100...
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this...

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay £1.
The sixth would pay £3.
The se...

A rich man was strolling along a riverside with his 6 year old daughter and they came to a bridge...

On the bridge there was a hobo sitting and shaking his cup. As they were walking past, the rich man wasn't keeping an eye on his daughter, who was playing with the bars of the railing and she slipped through and fell in. Not knowing how to swim himself, the man shouted for help. Without saying a wor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a parrot at an auction...

I bought a parrot at an auction, hoping that a companion might help me get through some tough times. The car ride home, the parrot had been quiet and an uneasy tension was building. Throughout the first night, my parrot remained quiet, but the next morning, I awoke to a machine-gun sequence of swe...

4 friends in their 20s....

Four friends in their 20s go to a new restaurant, Sands, because they've never been there before.

10 years later, they reunite and go back because the waitresses were so pretty.

In their 40s, they decide to go again because of the amazing wine selection.

Another 10 years pass an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the popul...

NASA have decided that the Astronauts are going to have a party in space this christmas, the food is going to be wonderful but:

No atmosphere..

I was once asked in a job interview if I could perform under pressure.

I said, "I do my best work at one atmosphere."

Mr Bean and Einstein in a flight together.

Einstein: Hey Mr Bean, let's play a game. I would ask you a question. If you can't answer it, you will have to give me ten dollars. You ask me a question and if I can't answer it I would give you a thousand dollars.

Bean: Okay, we can play that.

Einstein: What's the percentage of Nitro...

John was an Astronaut...

John was an astronaut scheduled to fly on his first mission to the International Space Station. The media frenzy surrounding the launch was maddening. Everywhere John went, the media followed him.

He would part the curtains at his home in the morning, and the media was out there peering in, t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is so difficult to have sex in outer space?

No atmosphere

So two astronauts walk into a club on the moon...

One says to the other, "Let's bounce, this place has no atmosphere"

Whats wrong with the Bar on the Moon?

It doesn't have any atmosphere

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Meteorite

Two birds are sitting in a tree when suddenly they see a fat man burning up in the atmosphere.

One bird turns to the other and says, "He must have been a meat-eater." To which the other bird responds, "...Right?"

(Shit joke I'm sorry)

Doug was playing poker with some friends

As the night went on, he noticed the mood at the table was getting tense, so he decided to lighten the atmosphere a bit. As the next round started, and everyone else put their ante chips in, Doug reached into the snack tray and tossed a handful of potato chips into the pot.

"What the hell are...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Proof that Santa doesn’t exists

There are about 2 billion children on earth. But Santa does not have to visit Muslims, Hindus, Jews or Buddhists, which reduces the number to 15% or 378 million. Thus, with a world average of 3.5 children per household, there are 108 million households to visit if we can assume that there are at le...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.