Snow isn't a problem in Muslim countries, but

ISIS

Why don’t Native Americans like snow?

Because it’s white and settles on their land.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does your wives sex life and tomorrows snow forecast have in common?

Both expecting 8 to 10 inches but only going to get 1 to 2...





Made this joke up and tel it off and on, how was it?

There was a lady with 3 sons, named Rain, Snow and Brick

One day Rain asked his mom, "Mom why am i named Rain?" "Because a raindrop fell on your head when you were born.” Then Snow asked his mom, “Why is my name ‘Snow’?” “Because a snowflake fell on your head when you were born.” Then Brick asked his mom, “URGUTUREWESADJ”

I was going to tell a joke about snow...

But it's a bit flaky

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Look for the fresh prints.

What do you call a hooker in a snow storm?

Frostitute

One day, Mickey Mouse wakes up and found a graffiti on the snow written with pee outside his house.

The graffiti wrote "Mickey Sucks".

The police came, and they told Mickey that there's bad news and an even worse news.

The bad news is, the urine is from Goofy.

The worse news is, its Minnie's handwriting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The snow at my house is at least 3 inches deep.

I know this because I stuck my penis into it and couldn’t feel the ground.

Ever since it started to snow, all my wife does is stare through the window

I really should let her in at some point

What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies.

Snow balls.

What happens when you go inside in a snow suit?

It melts.

I got a job crafting toy models of the dwarves from Snow White.

The pay sucks, but I'm not lying when I tell people I make seven figures.

What’s the difference between a snow-woman and a snowman?

Snowballs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine.

The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot - I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want."

The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of th...

Vaginas are like snowflakes

While they all appear to look the same, each of them has a subtle difference – making them all uniquely beautiful

Also, it’s fun to catch them on your tongue.

What's the difference between a snow-man and a snow-woman?

Snow-balls

Snow cones

Back story:. My wife and kids and I were driving home and passed some snow cone stands. Somehow the conversation got around to how profitable it would be to open a snow cone stands in Afghanistan. I decided that an appropriate name would be:
ISIS ICES

Just thought I'd share

What happened after Snow White sat in the bath, feeling happy?

Happy got out, so she felt Grumpy.

A man's car breaks down in the middle of a snow storm

While searching for help he finds a temple. The man knocks on the door and an old monk comes and greets him

Man: Hay can you please help, my car broke down in the middle of the snow storm

Monk: Yes of course please come in

The man enters the temple and is given food, water and a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few originals (hopefully) by me.

I read an article the other day that said women named Rachel are 10x more likely to get pulled over by the police...

Another terrible example of Rachel profiling.


_______


What do you call a dinosaur that is attempting to get his girlfriend to try new things in the bedr...

Once there is a Family Mom, Snow Flake, Grain of sand and Cinder block

Snow Flake asks her mom "Mom why did you call me Snow Flake?"
And her mom replies " Because when you were born a snow flake fell on your forehead."
Then Grain of sand asks "Mom why did you call me Grain of sand?"
And then mom replies " Because when you were born a grain of sand fell on your...

Friends are like snow.

When you pee on them they disappear.

Why doesn’t Snow White have any children?

She’s still waiting for her prince to cum

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Snow White and Prince Charming are on a date.

They kick the 7 dwarves out so they can have the cottage to themselves to do what they're gonna do. The dwarves decide to spy on the couple, and peek in the window by making a ladder and standing on each other's shoulders.
Prince Charming kisses Snow White, and the dwarves start telling each oth...

When I was learning to drive in the winter, my Dad told me, "If you're ever lost in the snow, wait for a plow truck, then follow it."

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn't see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road.

Then breaking through the flu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Coming in from the snow one evening, a polar bear cub asked his mother, “Mom, am I 100% polar bear?“

His mother replied, “Yes, son! I am 100% polar bear and your father is 100% polar bear so that makes you 100% polar bear.“

Still not satisfied, the cub went to his father who gave him the same answer. “Of course, son! Both your grandmothers were 100% polar bear and both your grandfathers were...

German snow does not fall

It occupies

How can you tell the difference between a theist and an atheist?

Ask them to read GODISNOWHERE

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is like snow

you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

Why did Jon Snow go to the Apple Store?

For the Watch.

Who’s Jon Snow’s favorite character from “Cars”?

Lightning MuhQueen

Say what you want about John Snow...

But he really knows how to up his ante

1 and 2 went out for a walk in the snow.

1's hands got so cold that they went numb.

2's hands and feet both got cold, so he was even number.

What does Jon Snow do when he gets cold?

He snuggles up to da-near-es Targaryen.

A husband and wife decided to go to Florida to escape the snow and cold in Minnesota.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel and sent an email to wife after he arrived. However, he accidental...

What do you call a Snowman witha six-pack?

An Abdominal Snowman

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 friends are walking through the snow (nsfw)

The first one turns to the other two and says, "It's so cold out here my dick must have shrank 3 sizes. "

The second one chimes in and says, "you're lucky, Mine shot inside my body to stay warm. "

The third one looks at them, shrugs, then says, "Eh, I've fucked so many cold hearted b...

It’s going to snow tonight. My wife’s aunt called to tell her she might get 6-8”

I told her it depends on how easy I go on the whiskey.

How can you tell a snowman from a snow woman?

Snow balls.


Yes. This is an old one. It's probably appeared here a million times. But it will be new to someone.

An attractive snow-woman notices a snowman gawking at her. She says,

“Listen pal, my ice are up here.”

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plough?

Give her a shovel.

My wife demanded a divorce after seeing her name written in the snow with pee.

I didn't think she'd recognize her sister's handwriting.

I was watching the weather on TV tonight and the forecaster said, "And because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we can expect about 5 inches of snow." She then glared off camera and continued...

"Or as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches."

How can you tell an optimist from a pessimist?

Ask them to pronounce OPPORTUNITYISNOWHERE.

Me: Damnit! The forecast shows up to 5 inches of snow!!

Wife: If I don’t complain about a few inches, neither should you.

This snow is really bad here, it has been snowing since Friday, all my wife has done is stare through the kitchen window.

If it gets any worse I might have to let her in.

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

Snowflakes.

Credit: my friend's 3-year-old made this up. I'll pass on any karma to his college fund.

What do you call a doggo playing in the snow (in Coney Island)?

A chili dog!

I was out shoveling snow with my kid the other day...

He kept whining about why I wasn't using the shovel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.

His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. He was unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, so he did the best he could to type it in from memory. Unfortun...

Today we got four inches of snow.

Or as my boyfriend would say...seven inches.

Why did the catholic priest get the alter boys to sit in the snow?

So he could have a couple cold ones to slurp back after a hard days work.

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a little stroll in town one afternoon enjoying the sunshine.

As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering!" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out an...

My plan was to skip shoveling and just let the snow melt.

It wasnt well thawed out.

Snow job

So an Eskimo ( Inuit if you live in Can ) took his broken snowmobile into the garage for some repairs. The mechanic checked it out then looked up at the fellow and said. "I think you blew a seal." The Eskimo quickly wiped his face. " No, no that's just frost!" he replied.

Our new Space Force is exploring mars

The new Space Force has finally arrived at mars, and an exploration ship has been investigating the snow and ice covered North Pole area.

A field biologist excitedly rushes in to his general, and exclaims, “Sir, incredible news! We have discovered a strange, silicon-based form of life in the...

Why do Indians hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

Edit: well now I know what people mean by rip inbox.

Edit2: wtf happened to my headline, why is it Donald trump?

Last winter, I made snow angels

I lost control and took out three pedestrians

Why is Jon Snow so ticklish?

Aunts in his pants...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mickey Mouse wakes up one winter morning to find that someone has written "Fuck You Mickey" in the snow on his lawn with piss. It happens multiple times each with worse messages. Mickey calls the police who start investigating and after a few days...

...the detective comes to Mickey and says, "Well I have good news and bad news."

"What's the good news?" Mickey asks.

"We ran a bunch of tests and found that the urine belongs to Donald Duck!"

"Well that's great, but what's the bad news?"

"Forensics has confirmed that the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While everyone is arguing over whether it's called a snow blower or a snow thrower, I invented a way to turn a dishwasher into snow removal device.

...
I bought my wife a snow shovel.

What did the rain and the snow get when they lost the race?

Precipitation trophies.

Arthur was looking outside as the snow begin to fall,

and his wife, Martha, yelled from the other room "They said on the radio we need to park on the odd side of the street for the plows tonight!"

"Ok, I'll move the car then!" and he moved the car to the odd side of the street.

A few nights later another snow storm was due. "Arthur, the ...

Snow sculptures are cool!

Icy pose

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

Snow White, while living among the dwarves, had come to puberty. This did not go unnoticed by the dwarves. Being the little perverts they are, they decided to climb on each other's shoulders outside her window to peep on her changing. The one on top would then whisper the one below what he sees, who...

An Indian shaman dies and his only student isn't very good...

An Indian shaman dies and his only student isn't very good but he can't let his people down so when they ask him if snow is coming he tells them.

"I must go and speak with the spirits. All of you cut firewood until I get back though just in case." And so the whole tribe begins cutting wood an...

Late one night, Snow White was feeling sleepy

The other dwarves found out and it was a big scandal.

Did you hear about my fight with the polar bear?

Snow Problem

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