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Snow Jokes

Snow isn't a problem in the Middle East

...but ISIS

What’s the difference between a snow-man and a snow-woman?

Snowballs.

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Snow.

Snow is like a penis.

It's measured in inches and soft to the touch.

It cums when you least expect it and it never gets as deep as you'd like it.

Driving in the snow is like eating pussy, if you don't slow down and pay attention you could slide into the asshole in front of you.....

Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

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I walked in on Snow White having sex

Needless to say, she wasn't fucking happy.

Some Yank had the audacity to say us Texans were dumb for not having Snow Tires. Bless their heart.

We may not have as much experience as y'all Yanks when it comes to snow, but after tinkering with it a couple minutes I think all of us Texans can agree to try and make a tire out of snow is a pretty dumb idea.


We'll keep our tires made of rubber, thanks.

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I wish I had the sexual power of snow.

People cancel everything and rearrange their entire lives just for three inches coming fast.

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How is sex like snow?

Everyone talks about it, but it doesn’t always happen. Then when it does happen, you’re never sure how long it will last, or how many inches you’re going to get.

Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store?

For the watch

Why is Jon Snow so ticklish?

Aunts in his pants...

A blonde got caught in a blizzard… It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home.

She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her dad's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure en...

When I was learning to drive in the winter, my Dad told me, "If you're ever lost in the snow, wait for a plow truck, then follow it."

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn't see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road.

Then breaking through the flu...

How do you follow Will Smith in a snow storm?

You follow the fresh prints.

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3 inches of snow is enough to fuck Texas

Then why is my girlfriend complaining

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My 10 year old son made this one up. Why doesn't a snowman wear snow pants?

Because his snow balls are too big.

Someone pees "Brezhnev is stupid" into the snow

Someone pees "Brezhnev is stupid" into the snow on the Red Square.
The KGB immediately starts an investigation, the results are in the next day:
\- Comrade Brezhnev, be strong. Our doctors confirmed the urine belongs to comrade Gromiko.
Brezhnev defeatedly leans back in his chair. ...

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Snow White and the Prince decided to buy the Seven Dwarfs a hot tub.

They all got in and started feeling Happy. So he got out and left, now they're all fucking Grumpy.

Since it started snowing, all my Girlfriend has done is stare through the window.

If it gets any worse i might have to let her back in.

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I struggled with winter until I bought a snow blower.

It has made my life a thousand times easier. I load it in the back of my truck and drive south until someone says "What the fuck is that"? and that is where I spend the winter.

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God is creating the world, and he talks to the canadians

He says to them “You will have the best land ever. It is beautiful, in the summer it is warm and in the winter it snows beautiful snow flakes. It is called Canada. You will have prosperity and food for all your days.”

He then gets the Australians, and says to them “I give to you Australia. Yo...

Why do Indians hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

Edit: well now I know what people mean by rip inbox.

Edit2: wtf happened to my headline, why is it Donald trump?

Snow White was in the bathtub, feeling sleepy.

Then he got out, so she felt Dopey instead.

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Thumbelina, Snow White, and Stalker 2 were walking through the forest

Thumbelina, Snow White, and Stalker 2 are walking through the forest.

Thumbelina says, “I'm the smallest in the world.”

Snow White says, “And I'm the most beautiful in the world.”

Stalker 2 says, “I'm the most anticipated game.”

They keep walking and walking until they fi...

Blonde Wife

One winter morning during breakfast a husband and wife in Northern Minnesota were listening to the radio.

They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."
...

John Snow.

John Snow was at a bar outside the great wall drinking. A beautiful girl comes inside and her eyes meet his. She likes him, so she goes and introduce herself.

-Hello, handsome. My name is Jenny Spring. What's yours?


John laughs and continues with his drink.

-Why is this f...

Of rain, snow, and communism.

A soviet couple was walking on the red square in Moscow one day, when the man felt a drop hit his nose.

“I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife.

“No, that felt more like snow to me,” she replied.

“No, I’m sure it was just rain,” he said.

Well, as these things go, they...

What’s the difference between snow and a girl?

Snow is harder to plow when it’s wet.

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Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has pissed “Trump Sucks” in the fresh snow.

Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says “Mr President, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is we’ve done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it’s Mike Pence’s.” “That traitor”, shouts Trump. “I’ll have him hang...

1 and 2 went out for a walk in the snow.

1's hands got so cold that they went numb.

2's hands and feet both got cold, so he was even number.

I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?

In an explosion.

Why doesn’t anybody want to be one of Snow White’s Dwarfs?

Because 6 out of 7 Dwarfs aren’t allowed to be Happy.

I got a job crafting toy models of the dwarves from Snow White.

The pay sucks, but I'm not lying when I tell people I make seven figures.

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Snow White, Superman, and Pinocchio.

Snow White, Superman and Pinocchio are walking along.

They see a sign: "Contest for World's Most Beautiful Woman." Snow White goes in, later comes out smiling, wearing a crown.

They walk along and see another sign: "Contest for World's Strongest Man." Superman goes in, later comes ou...

There was a lady with 3 sons, named Rain, Snow and Brick

Rain asked his mom, “Why is my name ‘Rain’?”
“Because a raindrop fell on your head when you were born.”
Then Snow asked his mom, “Why is my name ‘Snow’?”
“Because a snowflake fell on your head when you were born.”
Then Brick asked his mom, “NYANYANYANYA”

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I hate it when it snows

it makes my neighbor's crappy yard look just as nice as mine.

Carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow.

It's called a Ted Cruise

One morning Snow White said to her prince, "I haven't visited the seven dwarves in ages. I think I'll visit them for a week."

The next day, Snow white came back to the castle in a huff.

"Why are you back so early?" asked the prince.

"Grumpy harassed me," replied Snow White.

"What happened?"

"Well, as soon as I entered the cottage, he told me my hair smelled nice."

"That doesn't sound like...

Friends are like snow

When you pee on them, they disappear.

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Why did snow white get kicked out of disneyland?

She was caught sitting on pinoccios face yelling lie you stupid fucker

What did Snow White complain after a week with the dwarves?

"I would have rather have a 7 inch one time than one inch 7 times"

Snow White decides to take a cruise

Snow White decides to take a cruise, but she can't bring all of the dwarves with her. To make sure she has a good time, she only brings along happy and sleepy.

Unfortunately when they go to board the boat there's a problem.

There's no doc

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay Of Fundy, Nova Scotia , a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties. "We know it's late, sir, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the Mounties.

"Tell me! Did you find her!?" the husband shouted.

The Mounties looked at each other. One said,

"We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news.. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said "Give me the bad news first."
<...

So far we have four inches of snow on the ground.

Or as my husband would say...seven inches.

Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White?

'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.

*Joke's from my Dad and his friend*

Trump steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter

Donald Trump steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees “Donald Trump Sucks” written in urine across the snow.

Well, he's is pretty ticked off. He storms into his security staff’s HQ, and yells “Somebody wrote an insult i...

Why was the snow yellow?

Because Elsa let it go.

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her: "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.

She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Walmart parking lot, ...

A Couple is Walking in East Berlin on Christmas Eve...

A couple is walking in East Berlin on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.

"I think it's raining," says the man.

"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.

"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the main. "Officer Rudolph, is it rain...

I tried to convince my friend I saw a snow monster for the second time today

Yeti still didn’t believe me

Snow day

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Damn, I hate it when it snows," he complains to the bartender. "It makes my neighbor's yard look as good as mine."

Snow White, a dwarf and Freddy Krueger are having an argument

Snow White says "I'm the most beautiful person in the world! I know it!" The dwarf says "Stop lying, of course you're not! But I'M the shortest person on this earth." Freddy Krueger says "Well, I'm the ugliest person on earth!" Snow white says "Guys, stop arguing! We can just go to the magic mirror ...

What do you call a snowman made of yellow snow?

The 'inedible snowman'.

What's the difference between normal snow and German snow?

Normal snow falls

and German snow captures the land.

There's one soup you have to like to get through a snow storm.

As long as you love Miso. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

My friend went missing after he set out to summit Mount Everest

After days of extensive search rescue workers found Himalayan dead in the snow.

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**News Flash** Snow White has been kicked out of Disney Land!!

She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie you bastard, lie!".

Two guys from Michigan die and wake up in hell.

Two guys from Michigan die and wake up in hell. The next day, the devil stops to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats, warming themselves around the fire.
The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?"

The two guys reply, "Well, yo...

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Two 70 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.

One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there...

Pinocchio, Snow white, and Superman

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a little stroll in town one afternoon enjoying the sunshine.

As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering!" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out an...

Karl Marx hated snow days.

It meant class was cancelled.

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Snow Day

This morning thousands of students and teachers on the East Coast woke up, saw a mountain of snow, started screaming happily and then thought.......

SHIT, we have school online today

Three guys are sharing a bed at a sleepover

When they wake up, the first guy says, "I had a wierd dream, I dreamt that someone beat my meat."


The guy on the left says, "Me too!"


The guy in the middle goes: "That's funny, I dreamt that I was skiing, but the snow was hot and sticky!"

Let's hear it for snow!..

The only time that four inches can keep a woman in bed all day.

Snow cones

Back story:. My wife and kids and I were driving home and passed some snow cone stands. Somehow the conversation got around to how profitable it would be to open a snow cone stands in Afghanistan. I decided that an appropriate name would be:
ISIS ICES

Just thought I'd share

Record low temperatures causing snow and freezing all over the southern United States.

Finally: white people in Texas are having problems with ICE.

Looks like we got about 4 inches of snow last night

Or as my boyfriend calls it... 7.

A woman is walking hand-in-hand with her husband on Christmas Eve In Moscow

They're having a nice night when, suddenly, they start to feel a bit of precipitation on their faces.


The woman looks at her husband and says, "Look, dear, it's raining."


Her husband tells her, "No, dear, it's snowing." Well, this argument goes back and forth for a few minu...

It is cloudy and snowing outside, and I just realized I ate the last piece of cheese in the fridge.

Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone.

Snow White started a tutoring center for the Dwarves to teach them math.

She called it "Making the Little Things Count"

You may live in Canada .

If someone in a Home Depot store
Offers you assistance and they don't work there,
You may live in Canada .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You may live in Canada .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation
With someone who dialed a wrong number,...

What's the seven dwarf's nickname for snow white?

Heigh Ho.

What did the snow plougher say to the car drivers before clearing snow

Snow problem

what do you call a lion in the snow?

frost bite

My girlfriend is like snow.

After i peed on her, she disappeared.

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[Long] An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.

His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. He was unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, so he did the best he could to type it in from memory. Unfortun...

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Snow White, Superman, and Pinocchio were walking together one day.

That morning, they walked by beauty pageant. Snow White said, "I'll enter it" while the other 2 waited outside. Some time later, she emerged smiling with a crown on her head and cash.

They continued onward until noon when they happened to see a contest for the strongest man. Superman said, "...

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What do you call a sunburnt nudist pissing in the snow?

Red Hot Chili Pecker

Snow Storm in Texas blew 25% of my neighbors roof.

Oof.

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Living in the northeast, I don’t normally get mad about snow.

But this snitch ass weatherman just let my wife know what six inches actually looks like.

We're getting 5 inches of snow tonight

6.5 inches if it's male meteorologist that forecasts.

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