How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Look for the Fresh Prints

What does Jon Snow do when he gets cold?

He snuggles up to da-near-es Targaryen.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 friends are walking through the snow (nsfw)

The first one turns to the other two and says, "It's so cold out here my dick must have shrank 3 sizes. "

The second one chimes in and says, "you're lucky, Mine shot inside my body to stay warm. "

The third one looks at them, shrugs, then says, "Eh, I've fucked so many cold hearted b...

When I was learning to drive in the winter, my Dad told me, "If you're ever lost in the snow, wait for a plow truck, then follow it."

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn't see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road.

Then breaking through the flu...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It Snowed last so I made a Snow man

8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 - The gay c...

What's the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?

Snowballs!

What do you call a puppy playing in the snow?

A chili dog!

Ever since it started to snow, all my wife does is stare through the window.

I really should let her in at some point.

It’s going to snow tonight. My wife’s aunt called to tell her she might get 6-8”

I told her it depends on how easy I go on the whiskey.

A husband and wife decided to go to Florida to escape the snow and cold in Minnesota.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel and sent an email to wife after he arrived. However, he accidental...

How can you tell the difference between a theist and an atheist?

Ask them to read GODISNOWHERE

Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

What do you call a Snowman witha six-pack?

An Abdominal Snowman

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Pissin' in the snow, 2019

Donald Trump wakes up one morning and looks out the White House window, where he sees "Donald Trump Sucks" in huge letters, pissed into the snow below. He calls in the CIA, the FBI, and the Secret Service, and screams, "I want answers! Who's responsible for this? Report back after lunch!"

...

I was watching the weather on TV tonight and the forecaster said, "And because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we can expect about 5 inches of snow." She then glared off camera and continued...

"Or as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches."

This snow is really bad here, it has been snowing since Friday, all my wife has done is stare through the kitchen window.

If it gets any worse I might have to let her in.

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plough?

Give her a shovel.

What's the difference between snow men and snow women?

Snow balls

*thanks dad*

How can you tell an optimist from a pessimist?

Ask them to pronounce OPPORTUNITYISNOWHERE.

Me: Damnit! The forecast shows up to 5 inches of snow!!

Wife: If I don’t complain about a few inches, neither should you.

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a little stroll in town one afternoon enjoying the sunshine.

As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering!" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out an...

An attractive snow-woman notices a snowman gawking at her. She says,

“Listen pal, my ice are up here.”

1 and 2 went out for a walk in the snow.

1's hands got so cold that they went numb.

2's hands and feet both got cold, so he was even number.

I built a snow man this morning.

Then the sun came out and it became genderfluid.

My wife demanded a divorce after seeing her name written in the snow with pee.

I didn't think she'd recognize her sister's handwriting.

How can you tell a snowman from a snow woman?

Snow balls.


Yes. This is an old one. It's probably appeared here a million times. But it will be new to someone.

I was out shoveling snow with my kid the other day...

He kept whining about why I wasn't using the shovel.

Damn girl, are you snow?

Because first I’m excited to see you, but after a long night of plowing, I’m annoyed to see that you’re still there.

Snow job

So an Eskimo ( Inuit if you live in Can ) took his broken snowmobile into the garage for some repairs. The mechanic checked it out then looked up at the fellow and said. "I think you blew a seal." The Eskimo quickly wiped his face. " No, no that's just frost!" he replied.

My plan was to skip shoveling and just let the snow melt.

It wasnt well thawed out.

What do Midwesterners have in common with Whistleblowers this week?

They’re both Snowden.

Today we got four inches of snow.

Or as my boyfriend would say...seven inches.

There was 4 inches of snow on the ground,

and the road crews were out in full force. One guy driving a snowplow noticed a car following him no matter how many turns he made. After about 30 minutes he pulled over and asked the driver why she was following him. She said that her husband told her that if she ever got caught out in the snow to ...

Our new Space Force is exploring mars

The new Space Force has finally arrived at mars, and an exploration ship has been investigating the snow and ice covered North Pole area.

A field biologist excitedly rushes in to his general, and exclaims, “Sir, incredible news! We have discovered a strange, silicon-based form of life in the...

Last winter, I made snow angels

I lost control and took out three pedestrians

Snow White and the 7 Dwarves were all in bed feeling happy

Happy got out, so they started feeling grumpy

What did the rain and the snow get when they lost the race?

Precipitation trophies.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

While everyone is arguing over whether it's called a snow blower or a snow thrower, I invented a way to turn a dishwasher into snow removal device.

...
I bought my wife a snow shovel.

The story of snow, sand and brick.

This is the story of three kids named snow, sand and brick.
One day, snow asked his mother:
Mom, why did you named me snow ?
His mother answered:
This is because when you were born, a little bit of snow fell on your head.
Then, sand comes in and asked his mother:
Mom, why did you n...

I am the Jon Snow of my class

I know nothing

Arthur was looking outside as the snow begin to fall,

and his wife, Martha, yelled from the other room "They said on the radio we need to park on the odd side of the street for the plows tonight!"

"Ok, I'll move the car then!" and he moved the car to the odd side of the street.

A few nights later another snow storm was due. "Arthur, the ...

Dancing through the snow......

A young boy visits Santa.

He asks, "Santa, how do you name your reindeer?"

Santa says, "I name them after my fond memories, like Prancer playing in the snow!"

The boy says, " What about Blitzen?"

Santa \*saluting\* replies," Zur Ehre des Riech! Heil Hitler!"

In North Korea, you cannot throw fruit in the snow...

Because they do not have the right to freeze peach.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[Long] An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.

His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. He was unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, so he did the best he could to type it in from memory. Unfortun...

Snow sculptures are cool!

Icy pose

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

Snow White, while living among the dwarves, had come to puberty. This did not go unnoticed by the dwarves. Being the little perverts they are, they decided to climb on each other's shoulders outside her window to peep on her changing. The one on top would then whisper the one below what he sees, who...

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

Snowflakes.

Credit: my friend's 3-year-old made this up. I'll pass on any karma to his college fund.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did Ygritte tell Jon Snow after they had sex in the cave?

You know nuttin', Jon Snow

(Spoilers) Why cant Jon Snow sit still?

He has aunts in his pants.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Snow white was kicked out of fairy land

Apparently she was caught sitting on pinocchios face screaming "lie to me you little shit!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[Game of Thrones S7 Spoiler] What do Dragons call Jon Snow?

Motherfucker.

Late one night, Snow White was feeling sleepy

The other dwarves found out and it was a big scandal.

Why do a lot of old people move to Florida?

Because they hate liberal snowflakes.

An Indian shaman dies and his only student isn't very good...

An Indian shaman dies and his only student isn't very good but he can't let his people down so when they ask him if snow is coming he tells them.

"I must go and speak with the spirits. All of you cut firewood until I get back though just in case." And so the whole tribe begins cutting wood an...

Why was the snow man so happy?

He heard the snowblower coming down the street.

What did one snow man say to the other?

"smells like carrots."

When does snow become a boat?

When it’s a drift!

Why do Indians hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

Edit: well now I know what people mean by rip inbox.

Edit2: wtf happened to my headline, why is it Donald trump?

Our parents had to walk uphill both ways in 2 feet of snow to get to school...

But they didn't have to dodge bullets when they get there.

Two Guys From Philly

Two guys from Philadelphia die and wake up in hell. The next day, the devil stops to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats, warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?"
The two guys reply, "Well, you k...

I auditioned to be on the remake of "Snow White"

but i was turned away as i wasn't on the short list

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman goes on vacation to Jamaica.

Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love-making she asks him, “What is your name?”
“I can’t tell you,” the black man says.
Every night they meet, and every night she asks him again what his name is, and he always responds the same, he can’t tell her.
On...

What do Mexicans eat when they visit the snow?

Brrrritos

I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?

In an explosion.

Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store?

For the watch

Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White?

'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.

*Joke's from my Dad and his friend*

The snow in the UK is pretty bad right now

So I thought I’d check on my elderly 85 year old neighbour Valerie to see if she needed anything from the shops.

She said she did so I gave her my list too, no point us both going out in this weather.

Some numbers were stuck in the snow, when one lost his gloves and boots.

He was a number number.