Pinocchio, Snow white, and Superman

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a little stroll in town one afternoon enjoying the sunshine.

As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering!" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out an...

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I wish I had the sexual power of snow.

People cancel everything and rearrange their entire lives just for three inches coming fast.

How do you search for Will Smith in the snow?

Look for the fresh prints.

Why don’t natives like snow???

Because it’s white and it’s on their land

What did the snow say to the fence?

“Did you catch my drift?”

A couple live outside Buffalo, and are used to the rhythms of preparing for large snows.

One of these preparations for many years has been tuning in to the local radio station at 6:00 the night before a storm for an important announcement.

On a typical pre-storm night, the wife would tune in just prior to 6 to hear a message about which side of the street cars were to be parked o...

Snow white now have 6 dwarfs.

Because sneezy is under quarantine.

[NSFW] The seven dwarfs decided one day that they’re going to watch Snow White get undressed

So they go outside and stack themselves on top of each other to peer through her window:

Doc, Happy, Grumpy, Sneezy, Bashful, Sleepy, Dopey

“She’s taking off her shirt...”

“She’s taking off her shirt...”

“She’s taking off her shirt...”

...

“She’s taking off ...

Friends are like snow

When you pee on them, they disappear.

What's the difference between normal snow and German snow?

Normal snow falls

and German snow captures the land.

Two blondes find a set of tracks in the snow.

"They're rabbit tracks!" Said Trixie.

"No, silly, they're Bear tracks!" Said Susie.

This went on for a while, until the train hit them.

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Why did the prostitute feel like snow white?

Everyone around her was always yelling "Hi, Hoe"

Whats the difference between a snow man and snow woman?

Snow balls

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Adolf Hitler is discussing plans to invade the Soviet Union with his officers. In order to save cost, Hitler doesn’t want to supply rain gear. He asks his senior officer, “Is it still snowing there”

The senior officer replies, “It’s just a little hail, Hitler.”

"Mirror Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" "You are fair my queen, but Snow White is fairer."

Earlier:

Mirror: "Send Nudes"

Snow White: "Ok" *Takes off dress*

If you waterboard someone but use snow

is it snowboarding?

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Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.

One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years.
Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football t...

Snow isn’t a problem is Islamic countries but....

ISIS

Why do native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

What did the 7 dwarves call Snow White?

High hoe.

It was freezing that day and I prayed for snow at my wedding...

Never happened but I got 8 inches on my honey moon.

One of the lines in the song ‘Holly Jolly Christmas’ is, “I don’t know if there’ll be snow, but have a cup of cheer”.

I’m concerned that Tide Pod eaters will misunderstand.

In Toronto it's snowing so hard right now that it's become pro-China ...

In other words, its a Blizzard.

What did the snow plougher say to the car drivers before clearing snow

Snow problem

I got knocked off my bike last night by a lunatic driving a salt lorry through deep snow. You complete idiotic moron I shouted

Through gritted teeth

We got 5 inches of snow today.

Or as my husband would say...8 inches.

The baby reindeer asked the mother reindeer if it would snow this Christmas.

The mother replied sorry it'll rain dear.

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, and go to Hell.

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, And go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesnt the heat and smoke bother you?' Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust ha...

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Did you hear about the guy who couldn't write his name in snow?

He had poor piss aim.

There was a lady with 3 sons, named Rain, Snow and Brick

One day Rain asked his mom, "Mom why am i named Rain?" "Because a raindrop fell on your head when you were born.” Then Snow asked his mom, “Why is my name ‘Snow’?” “Because a snowflake fell on your head when you were born.” Then Brick asked his mom, “URGUTUREWESADJ”

Pope and the Seven Dwarves

The Pope arrives to give a small sermon to Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

Shortly into the sermon, Dopey puts his hand up and asks, "Are there any dwarven nuns in Rome?"

"No", the Pope replies, and continues his service.

Not long passes and Dopey puts his hand up again and as...

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I barged into Snow White's room to find out what all the noise was about.

I'll tell you one thing, she wasn't fucking happy.

What is a snow shaped batman made of?

Just-ice

Deputy Herbert was patrolling in his car down a road of a small town blanketed in snow one night.

Although it wasn't currently snowing, the temperature was well below freezing. No one would come out unless it was for emergencies. As the policeman rounded a corner, his headlights briefly passed over a vacant lot. Herbert quickly noticed something odd, and reversed his car so his headlights pointe...

Ever since it started to snow, all my wife does is stare through the window

I really should let her in at some point

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What does your wives sex life and tomorrows snow forecast have in common?

Both expecting 8 to 10 inches but only going to get 1 to 2...





Made this joke up and tel it off and on, how was it?

Ole and Lena are sitting at their dining room table, listening to the radio and watching it snow out.

Ole and Lena are sitting at their dining room table, listening to the radio and watching it snow out. All of a sudden there is a big message on the radio, "There is a snow emergency, please park your car on the odd side of the street." So Ole puts on his clothes and goes out to move his car. The nex...

I got a job crafting toy models of the dwarves from Snow White.

The pay sucks, but I'm not lying when I tell people I make seven figures.

A woman is walking hand-in-hand with her husband on Christmas Eve In Moscow

They're having a nice night when, suddenly, they start to feel a bit of precipitation on their faces.


The woman looks at her husband and says, "Look, dear, it's raining."


Her husband tells her, "No, dear, it's snowing." Well, this argument goes back and forth for a few minu...

I was going to tell a joke about snow...

But it's a bit flaky

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Gus the Accountant

Gus has been doing accountancy for like 35 years and he's sick of it.

So Gus decides he wants some adventure in his life, so he's going to become a prospector.

Everyday he studies geology, he learns how to drive a big truck and operate an excavator and he starts selling up everything h...

What do you call a hooker in a snow storm?

Frostitute

A man and his wife are walking through the streets of Moscow in the 40s

Something starts to fall from the sky one christmas evening...

The woman stops and says, "it's snowing!"

Her husband replies, "no, it's raining, I think...."

The two of them argue for a moment before the man stops her, "let's get a second opinion...."

They approach a near...

When I was learning to drive in the winter, my Dad told me, "If you're ever lost in the snow, wait for a plow truck, then follow it."

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn't see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road.

Then breaking through the flu...

You know this Coronavirus thing is bad

When Snow White is down to 6 dwarves. I just heard sneezy is now in quarantine

What did snow white say when she came out of the photo booth?

Some day my prints will come...

What happens when you go inside in a snow suit?

It melts.

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Why are you so concerned?

One day a young Native American man went to the Chief of his tribe who was responsible for giving all of the members of his tribe their Native names.

"Tell me, great Chief, when you name the children, how do you do it?"

"It's very simple, I give them a name in our language that passes...

What happened after Snow White sat in the bath, feeling happy?

Happy got out, so she felt Grumpy.

Gene was at work one day and curiously asked his recently new co-worker, Claire, if she had any wishes for her weeding that weekend.

The only thing Claire had hoped for was for it to snow on her big day and that she would be devastated if it didn't happen.

2 weeks later, Claire arrived back at work happy as could be; talking with her co-workers about how perfect everything turned out.

Gene overheard her conversati...

TV crew decides to visit a hundred years old man living alone in a cabin in the woods

When they go there they see he is chopping wood and carrying it all by himself. He is active and healthy and has a body of a forty year old man.

They ask him "What is your secret?" and the old man tells them a story:

"Seventy years ago, there was a huge blizzard that came out of nowher...

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It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine.

The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot - I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want."

The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of th...

Snow cones

Back story:. My wife and kids and I were driving home and passed some snow cone stands. Somehow the conversation got around to how profitable it would be to open a snow cone stands in Afghanistan. I decided that an appropriate name would be:
ISIS ICES

Just thought I'd share

A man's car breaks down in the middle of a snow storm

While searching for help he finds a temple. The man knocks on the door and an old monk comes and greets him

Man: Hay can you please help, my car broke down in the middle of the snow storm

Monk: Yes of course please come in

The man enters the temple and is given food, water and a...

One day, Mickey Mouse wakes up and found a graffiti on the snow written with pee outside his house.

The graffiti wrote "Mickey Sucks".

The police came, and they told Mickey that there's bad news and an even worse news.

The bad news is, the urine is from Goofy.

The worse news is, its Minnie's handwriting.

1 and 2 went out for a walk in the snow.

1's hands got so cold that they went numb.

2's hands and feet both got cold, so he was even number.

Old joke i heard about 7 years ago

A girl called snowflake approaches her mother and asks her why shes called snowflake,the mother responds:"When you were born it was snowing and a snowflake fell on your head". Then,her sister who's name is handkerchief asks her mom the same thing,her mother responds:"When you were born a woman was ...

What's red and has 7 dents?

Snow White's cherry

Why doesn’t Snow White have any children?

She’s still waiting for her prince to cum

Once there is a Family Mom, Snow Flake, Grain of sand and Cinder block

Snow Flake asks her mom "Mom why did you call me Snow Flake?"
And her mom replies " Because when you were born a snow flake fell on your forehead."
Then Grain of sand asks "Mom why did you call me Grain of sand?"
And then mom replies " Because when you were born a grain of sand fell on your...

What's the difference between a snow-man and a snow-woman?

Snow-balls

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Sex is like snow

you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

Why do Indians hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

Edit: well now I know what people mean by rip inbox.

Edit2: wtf happened to my headline, why is it Donald trump?

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Coming in from the snow one evening, a polar bear cub asked his mother, “Mom, am I 100% polar bear?“

His mother replied, “Yes, son! I am 100% polar bear and your father is 100% polar bear so that makes you 100% polar bear.“

Still not satisfied, the cub went to his father who gave him the same answer. “Of course, son! Both your grandmothers were 100% polar bear and both your grandfathers were...

What does Jon Snow do when he gets cold?

He snuggles up to da-near-es Targaryen.

I needed a password has to be eight characters long.

That's easy - I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best…

Winter boasts, "Well, you can build snowmen and the snow is so beautiful. And Christmas!! Everyone loves Christmas!"

Spring laughs, "Well sure, but come springtime, everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!"

Summer rays, "Yes, but I am und...

It’s going to snow tonight. My wife’s aunt called to tell her she might get 6-8”

I told her it depends on how easy I go on the whiskey.

Who’s Jon Snow’s favorite character from “Cars”?

Lightning MuhQueen

A husband and wife decided to go to Florida to escape the snow and cold in Minnesota.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel and sent an email to wife after he arrived. However, he accidental...

An attractive snow-woman notices a snowman gawking at her. She says,

“Listen pal, my ice are up here.”

Why did Jon Snow go to the Apple Store?

For the Watch.

Since it started snowing, all my Girlfriend has done is stare through the window.

If it gets any worse i might have to let her back in.

Why is Jon Snow so ticklish?

Aunts in his pants...

My wife demanded a divorce after seeing her name written in the snow with pee.

I didn't think she'd recognize her sister's handwriting.

How can you tell a snowman from a snow woman?

Snow balls.


Yes. This is an old one. It's probably appeared here a million times. But it will be new to someone.

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[Long] An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.

His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. He was unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, so he did the best he could to type it in from memory. Unfortun...

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plough?

Give her a shovel.

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NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:

**NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:**

Please be advised that anyone planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a full Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider wheth...

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3 friends are walking through the snow (nsfw)

The first one turns to the other two and says, "It's so cold out here my dick must have shrank 3 sizes. "

The second one chimes in and says, "you're lucky, Mine shot inside my body to stay warm. "

The third one looks at them, shrugs, then says, "Eh, I've fucked so many cold hearted b...

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