Why do native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow

Look for fresh prints

What’s the difference between snowmen and snow women?

Snow balls

I got a job crafting toy models of the dwarves from Snow White.

The pay sucks, but I'm not lying when I tell people I make seven figures.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few originals (hopefully) by me.

I read an article the other day that said women named Rachel are 10x more likely to get pulled over by the police...

Another terrible example of Rachel profiling.


_______


What do you call a dinosaur that is attempting to get his girlfriend to try new things in the bedr...

Snow cones

Back story:. My wife and kids and I were driving home and passed some snow cone stands. Somehow the conversation got around to how profitable it would be to open a snow cone stands in Afghanistan. I decided that an appropriate name would be:
ISIS ICES

Just thought I'd share

Why doesn’t Snow White have any children?

She’s still waiting for her prince to cum

What's the difference between a snow-man and a snow-woman?

Snow-balls

Once there is a Family Mom, Snow Flake, Grain of sand and Cinder block

Snow Flake asks her mom "Mom why did you call me Snow Flake?"
And her mom replies " Because when you were born a snow flake fell on your forehead."
Then Grain of sand asks "Mom why did you call me Grain of sand?"
And then mom replies " Because when you were born a grain of sand fell on your...

A man's car breaks down in the middle of a snow storm

While searching for help he finds a temple. The man knocks on the door and an old monk comes and greets him

Man: Hay can you please help, my car broke down in the middle of the snow storm

Monk: Yes of course please come in

The man enters the temple and is given food, water and a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Snow White and Prince Charming are on a date.

They kick the 7 dwarves out so they can have the cottage to themselves to do what they're gonna do. The dwarves decide to spy on the couple, and peek in the window by making a ladder and standing on each other's shoulders.
Prince Charming kisses Snow White, and the dwarves start telling each oth...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine.

The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot - I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want."

The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of th...

Vaginas are like snowflakes

While they all appear to look the same, each of them has a subtle difference – making them all uniquely beautiful

Also, it’s fun to catch them on your tongue.

Friends are like snow.

When you pee on them they disappear.

When I was learning to drive in the winter, my Dad told me, "If you're ever lost in the snow, wait for a plow truck, then follow it."

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn't see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road.

Then breaking through the flu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Coming in from the snow one evening, a polar bear cub asked his mother, “Mom, am I 100% polar bear?“

His mother replied, “Yes, son! I am 100% polar bear and your father is 100% polar bear so that makes you 100% polar bear.“

Still not satisfied, the cub went to his father who gave him the same answer. “Of course, son! Both your grandmothers were 100% polar bear and both your grandfathers were...

Snow White and the 7 dwarves were in bed, feeling Happy

Happy got out, so they started feeling Grumpy

What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

The snowballs

Who’s Jon Snow’s favorite character from “Cars”?

Lightning MuhQueen

Why did Jon Snow go to the Apple Store?

For the Watch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is like snow

you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

How can you tell the difference between a theist and an atheist?

Ask them to read GODISNOWHERE

Say what you want about John Snow...

But he really knows how to up his ante

What does Jon Snow do when he gets cold?

He snuggles up to da-near-es Targaryen.

German snow does not fall

It occupies

A husband and wife decided to go to Florida to escape the snow and cold in Minnesota.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel and sent an email to wife after he arrived. However, he accidental...

1 and 2 went out for a walk in the snow.

1's hands got so cold that they went numb.

2's hands and feet both got cold, so he was even number.

What do you call a Snowman witha six-pack?

An Abdominal Snowman

It’s going to snow tonight. My wife’s aunt called to tell her she might get 6-8”

I told her it depends on how easy I go on the whiskey.

What do you call a puppy playing in the snow?

A chili dog!

Ever since it started to snow, all my wife does is stare through the window.

I really should let her in at some point.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 friends are walking through the snow (nsfw)

The first one turns to the other two and says, "It's so cold out here my dick must have shrank 3 sizes. "

The second one chimes in and says, "you're lucky, Mine shot inside my body to stay warm. "

The third one looks at them, shrugs, then says, "Eh, I've fucked so many cold hearted b...

How can you tell an optimist from a pessimist?

Ask them to pronounce OPPORTUNITYISNOWHERE.

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plough?

Give her a shovel.

An attractive snow-woman notices a snowman gawking at her. She says,

“Listen pal, my ice are up here.”

How can you tell a snowman from a snow woman?

Snow balls.


Yes. This is an old one. It's probably appeared here a million times. But it will be new to someone.

I was watching the weather on TV tonight and the forecaster said, "And because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we can expect about 5 inches of snow." She then glared off camera and continued...

"Or as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches."

My wife demanded a divorce after seeing her name written in the snow with pee.

I didn't think she'd recognize her sister's handwriting.

This snow is really bad here, it has been snowing since Friday, all my wife has done is stare through the kitchen window.

If it gets any worse I might have to let her in.

Me: Damnit! The forecast shows up to 5 inches of snow!!

Wife: If I don’t complain about a few inches, neither should you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pissin' in the snow, 2019

Donald Trump wakes up one morning and looks out the White House window, where he sees "Donald Trump Sucks" in huge letters, pissed into the snow below. He calls in the CIA, the FBI, and the Secret Service, and screams, "I want answers! Who's responsible for this? Report back after lunch!"

...

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a little stroll in town one afternoon enjoying the sunshine.

As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering!" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out an...

I was out shoveling snow with my kid the other day...

He kept whining about why I wasn't using the shovel.

My plan was to skip shoveling and just let the snow melt.

It wasnt well thawed out.

Today we got four inches of snow.

Or as my boyfriend would say...seven inches.

Snow job

So an Eskimo ( Inuit if you live in Can ) took his broken snowmobile into the garage for some repairs. The mechanic checked it out then looked up at the fellow and said. "I think you blew a seal." The Eskimo quickly wiped his face. " No, no that's just frost!" he replied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mickey Mouse wakes up one winter morning to find that someone has written "Fuck You Mickey" in the snow on his lawn with piss. It happens multiple times each with worse messages. Mickey calls the police who start investigating and after a few days...

...the detective comes to Mickey and says, "Well I have good news and bad news."

"What's the good news?" Mickey asks.

"We ran a bunch of tests and found that the urine belongs to Donald Duck!"

"Well that's great, but what's the bad news?"

"Forensics has confirmed that the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.

His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. He was unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, so he did the best he could to type it in from memory. Unfortun...

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

Snowflakes.

Credit: my friend's 3-year-old made this up. I'll pass on any karma to his college fund.

Last winter, I made snow angels

I lost control and took out three pedestrians

The story of snow, sand and brick.

This is the story of three kids named snow, sand and brick.
One day, snow asked his mother:
Mom, why did you named me snow ?
His mother answered:
This is because when you were born, a little bit of snow fell on your head.
Then, sand comes in and asked his mother:
Mom, why did you n...

Our new Space Force is exploring mars

The new Space Force has finally arrived at mars, and an exploration ship has been investigating the snow and ice covered North Pole area.

A field biologist excitedly rushes in to his general, and exclaims, “Sir, incredible news! We have discovered a strange, silicon-based form of life in the...

What did the rain and the snow get when they lost the race?

Precipitation trophies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While everyone is arguing over whether it's called a snow blower or a snow thrower, I invented a way to turn a dishwasher into snow removal device.

...
I bought my wife a snow shovel.

Arthur was looking outside as the snow begin to fall,

and his wife, Martha, yelled from the other room "They said on the radio we need to park on the odd side of the street for the plows tonight!"

"Ok, I'll move the car then!" and he moved the car to the odd side of the street.

A few nights later another snow storm was due. "Arthur, the ...

I am the Jon Snow of my class

I know nothing

Snow sculptures are cool!

Icy pose

Why is Jon Snow so ticklish?

Aunts in his pants...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

Snow White, while living among the dwarves, had come to puberty. This did not go unnoticed by the dwarves. Being the little perverts they are, they decided to climb on each other's shoulders outside her window to peep on her changing. The one on top would then whisper the one below what he sees, who...

Why do Indians hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

Edit: well now I know what people mean by rip inbox.

Edit2: wtf happened to my headline, why is it Donald trump?

Late one night, Snow White was feeling sleepy

The other dwarves found out and it was a big scandal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Snow white was kicked out of fairy land

Apparently she was caught sitting on pinocchios face screaming "lie to me you little shit!"

An Indian shaman dies and his only student isn't very good...

An Indian shaman dies and his only student isn't very good but he can't let his people down so when they ask him if snow is coming he tells them.

"I must go and speak with the spirits. All of you cut firewood until I get back though just in case." And so the whole tribe begins cutting wood an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Ygritte tell Jon Snow after they had sex in the cave?

You know nuttin', Jon Snow

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Game of Thrones S7 Spoiler] What do Dragons call Jon Snow?

Motherfucker.

Why do a lot of old people move to Florida?

Because they hate liberal snowflakes.

I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?

In an explosion.

Our parents had to walk uphill both ways in 2 feet of snow to get to school...

But they didn't have to dodge bullets when they get there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes on vacation to Jamaica.

Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love-making she asks him, “What is your name?”
“I can’t tell you,” the black man says.
Every night they meet, and every night she asks him again what his name is, and he always responds the same, he can’t tell her.
On...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.