In Toronto it's snowing so hard right now that it's become pro-China ...

In other words, its a Blizzard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I barged into Snow White's room to find out what all the noise was about.

I'll tell you one thing, she wasn't fucking happy.

There was a lady with 3 sons, named Rain, Snow and Brick

One day Rain asked his mom, "Mom why am i named Rain?" "Because a raindrop fell on your head when you were born.” Then Snow asked his mom, “Why is my name ‘Snow’?” “Because a snowflake fell on your head when you were born.” Then Brick asked his mom, “URGUTUREWESADJ”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does your wives sex life and tomorrows snow forecast have in common?

Both expecting 8 to 10 inches but only going to get 1 to 2...





Made this joke up and tel it off and on, how was it?

Ever since it started to snow, all my wife does is stare through the window

I really should let her in at some point

I was going to tell a joke about snow...

But it's a bit flaky

What did snow white say when she came out of the photo booth?

Some day my prints will come...

What do you call a hooker in a snow storm?

Frostitute

When I was learning to drive in the winter, my Dad told me, "If you're ever lost in the snow, wait for a plow truck, then follow it."

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn't see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road.

Then breaking through the flu...

Snow isn't a problem in Muslim countries, but

ISIS

Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and it settles on their land.

I got a job crafting toy models of the dwarves from Snow White.

The pay sucks, but I'm not lying when I tell people I make seven figures.

A man's car breaks down in the middle of a snow storm

While searching for help he finds a temple. The man knocks on the door and an old monk comes and greets him

Man: Hay can you please help, my car broke down in the middle of the snow storm

Monk: Yes of course please come in

The man enters the temple and is given food, water and a...

What happens when you go inside in a snow suit?

It melts.

What happened after Snow White sat in the bath, feeling happy?

Happy got out, so she felt Grumpy.

What’s the difference between a snow-woman and a snowman?

Snowballs.

What’s the difference between snowmen and snow women?

Snow balls

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine.

The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot - I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want."

The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of th...

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

you look for fresh prince.

Snow cones

Back story:. My wife and kids and I were driving home and passed some snow cone stands. Somehow the conversation got around to how profitable it would be to open a snow cone stands in Afghanistan. I decided that an appropriate name would be:
ISIS ICES

Just thought I'd share

Why doesn’t Snow White have any children?

She’s still waiting for her prince to cum

The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best…

Winter boasts, "Well, you can build snowmen and the snow is so beautiful. And Christmas!! Everyone loves Christmas!"

Spring laughs, "Well sure, but come springtime, everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!"

Summer rays, "Yes, but I am und...

Guess what Johnny English found when he collected a pod in the snow...

Moist Bean!

Once there is a Family Mom, Snow Flake, Grain of sand and Cinder block

Snow Flake asks her mom "Mom why did you call me Snow Flake?"
And her mom replies " Because when you were born a snow flake fell on your forehead."
Then Grain of sand asks "Mom why did you call me Grain of sand?"
And then mom replies " Because when you were born a grain of sand fell on your...

One day, Mickey Mouse wakes up and found a graffiti on the snow written with pee outside his house.

The graffiti wrote "Mickey Sucks".

The police came, and they told Mickey that there's bad news and an even worse news.

The bad news is, the urine is from Goofy.

The worse news is, its Minnie's handwriting.

What's the difference between a snow-man and a snow-woman?

Snow-balls

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Snow White and Prince Charming are on a date.

They kick the 7 dwarves out so they can have the cottage to themselves to do what they're gonna do. The dwarves decide to spy on the couple, and peek in the window by making a ladder and standing on each other's shoulders.
Prince Charming kisses Snow White, and the dwarves start telling each oth...

What would have happened if Hank Snow married June Carter?

Six inches of Snow in June.

One snowy day, Donald Trump is leaving the White House.

He notices that in a nearby snowbank, someone has urinated a message into the snow: "DIE DONALD!" He grabs his head of security and says, "I demand to know who's responsible for this! Get the Secret Service on it immediately!"

A week later, the security chief enters the Oval Office. "Sir,"...

Friends are like snow.

When you pee on them they disappear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two jews that died during the holocaust get to heaven.

One of them says to the other “remember how they strip us down in the snow and made us wait there for 5 hours?”

The other laughs “yeah! Remember how they took your twin kids and preformed lethal surgery on them?”

The first guy laughs again “yeah!”

The two keep laughing as God ap...

1 and 2 went out for a walk in the snow.

1's hands got so cold that they went numb.

2's hands and feet both got cold, so he was even number.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Coming in from the snow one evening, a polar bear cub asked his mother, “Mom, am I 100% polar bear?“

His mother replied, “Yes, son! I am 100% polar bear and your father is 100% polar bear so that makes you 100% polar bear.“

Still not satisfied, the cub went to his father who gave him the same answer. “Of course, son! Both your grandmothers were 100% polar bear and both your grandfathers were...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is like snow

you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

The snowballs

How long did it take for snow white to serve the next round of food?

7 seconds

German snow does not fall

It occupies

What does Jon Snow do when he gets cold?

He snuggles up to da-near-es Targaryen.

My password needed eight characters

So I chose Snow White and the seven dwarves

Say what you want about John Snow...

But he really knows how to up his ante

Who’s Jon Snow’s favorite character from “Cars”?

Lightning MuhQueen

A husband and wife decided to go to Florida to escape the snow and cold in Minnesota.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel and sent an email to wife after he arrived. However, he accidental...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man who loved fishing

A husband is fanatical about fishing.

Twice a month on the weekend, he heads out for the lake early and spends most of the day.

He does this come rain or shine.

One Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and...

It’s going to snow tonight. My wife’s aunt called to tell her she might get 6-8”

I told her it depends on how easy I go on the whiskey.

How can you tell a snowman from a snow woman?

Snow balls.


Yes. This is an old one. It's probably appeared here a million times. But it will be new to someone.

An attractive snow-woman notices a snowman gawking at her. She says,

“Listen pal, my ice are up here.”

Is it Raining or Snowing?

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.


"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they...

What do you call a puppy playing in the snow?

A chili dog!

My wife demanded a divorce after seeing her name written in the snow with pee.

I didn't think she'd recognize her sister's handwriting.

I sincerely hope for Daenerys that Jon Snow isn't the one to sit on the Iron Throne...

After all she's seen and done, from Meereen to Astapor and across the narrow sea, losing the Throne to Jon is really going to leave her with Aegon her face.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 friends are walking through the snow (nsfw)

The first one turns to the other two and says, "It's so cold out here my dick must have shrank 3 sizes. "

The second one chimes in and says, "you're lucky, Mine shot inside my body to stay warm. "

The third one looks at them, shrugs, then says, "Eh, I've fucked so many cold hearted b...

I was watching the weather on TV tonight and the forecaster said, "And because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we can expect about 5 inches of snow." She then glared off camera and continued...

"Or as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches."

Today we got four inches of snow.

Or as my boyfriend would say...seven inches.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Chief, can I ask you something? How do you name these children?"

And the Indian chief says,

"It's very simple. When a child is born, and I see snow gently falling I say, you shall be called
Snow Gently Falling. And when a child is born
and I see a hawk flying over... I say, you shall be named Hawk Flying Over.
But tell me, Two Dogs Fucking,
why...

BAD NEWS

President Trump awakens one Winter morning to discover someone has peed “Impeach Trump” in the snow. He calls the Secret Service to investigate.

When they return, they tell the President that they have bad news and even worse news. The bad news is that it’s Vice President Pence’s urine. This ...

Why do Indians hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

Edit: well now I know what people mean by rip inbox.

Edit2: wtf happened to my headline, why is it Donald trump?

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plough?

Give her a shovel.

When it's sunny, I think, beer garden! When it rains, I usually go to the bar for a while. When it's snowing, I like to sit in front of the TV with a case of beer.

I'm starting to think I have a problem with the weather…

Me: Damnit! The forecast shows up to 5 inches of snow!!

Wife: If I don’t complain about a few inches, neither should you.

This snow is really bad here, it has been snowing since Friday, all my wife has done is stare through the kitchen window.

If it gets any worse I might have to let her in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.

His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. He was unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, so he did the best he could to type it in from memory. Unfortun...

Why is Jon Snow so ticklish?

Aunts in his pants...

I was out shoveling snow with my kid the other day...

He kept whining about why I wasn't using the shovel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pissin' in the snow, 2019

Donald Trump wakes up one morning and looks out the White House window, where he sees "Donald Trump Sucks" in huge letters, pissed into the snow below. He calls in the CIA, the FBI, and the Secret Service, and screams, "I want answers! Who's responsible for this? Report back after lunch!"

...

Play Ball!

Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day. One day Barb said, “Rose, we both loved playing women’s softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to...

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a little stroll in town one afternoon enjoying the sunshine.

As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering!" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out an...

A man has 3 children: “Sandy”, “Snowy” and “Bricky”.

One night he is watching television, Snowy approaches him and ask: “Why is my name snowy?”

The father replies: “Because when you were born, a little snow flake posed on your head and your mother though it was beautiful”

The other day, Sandy approaches his dad and asks him: “Why is my n...

A Soviet couple were walking down the street when they saw a dark cloud

The husband said “I think it’s going to rain”

The wife said “I think it’s going snow”

The husband asked a communist officer on the street “Officer Rudolf, will it rain or snow?”

The officer said “it will definitely rain”

When the husband told the wife, she asked “but how ...

Snow job

So an Eskimo ( Inuit if you live in Can ) took his broken snowmobile into the garage for some repairs. The mechanic checked it out then looked up at the fellow and said. "I think you blew a seal." The Eskimo quickly wiped his face. " No, no that's just frost!" he replied.

People keep talking about the snow up North...

They forget that 16 years ago this week, we got 14 feet in Texas.

Last winter, I made snow angels

I lost control and took out three pedestrians

My plan was to skip shoveling and just let the snow melt.

It wasnt well thawed out.

Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store?

For the watch

What does a lion eat in the snow?

BuurrrGrrr!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While everyone is arguing over whether it's called a snow blower or a snow thrower, I invented a way to turn a dishwasher into snow removal device.

...
I bought my wife a snow shovel.

Arthur was looking outside as the snow begin to fall,

and his wife, Martha, yelled from the other room "They said on the radio we need to park on the odd side of the street for the plows tonight!"

"Ok, I'll move the car then!" and he moved the car to the odd side of the street.

A few nights later another snow storm was due. "Arthur, the ...

My mom: “Is it snowing outside?”

Me: “Yeah it is.”

Mom: “I’ve always wanted 10 inches!”


My dad was literally standing less than 2 feet away washing the dishes. RIP my dad

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