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Fav Jokes

One of my fav's.

Bartender:
-We don't serve neutrinos here!

2 neutrinos that move faster than the speed of light walk into a bar...

My Fav St Pat's Day joke, "What is green and sits on your back porch?"

Patio (Paddy'O) Furnitue

Happy St Patrick's Day my internet friends!

My fav

Have you seen that movie about constapation,





Oh wait! It hasn’t come out yet.

My Dad's fav, previously posted but lost....

What's the difference between a post box and an elephants bum?
Don't know
Well, I'm not sending you out to post a letter.

Where do dogs go when they need a new tail?

A re-tail store.

I think it’s such a cute joke, it’s one of my favs :)

Mr. Johnson was playing in his frontyard with his fav grandson Toby when he saw Toby's teacher approaching

Mr. Johnson : "Toby go hide now, boy. It's your teacher. Aren't you skipping school?"

Toby : "Oh no! You go hide grandpa! Quick! Now!"

Mr. Johnson "Why should I? You're the one skipping school here!"

Toby : "That's the problem, grandpa. I told Mr. Anderson you died this morning....

What’s a Christian’s favorite flower? Jesus Rose.

Just wrote this and said it to my wife. She laughed.
Happy Easter y’all!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A female teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class of 3rd grade.[My Fav]

The boy said 'M'am, I should be in 4th grade,I'm smarter than my sis & she's in the 4th grade'. The M'am {Teacher} had heard enough of his complains & took the boy to the Principal's office. She explained everything to the Principal who decided to test the boy with some questions that a 4th ...

What is a frog's favourite drug?

Croakaine

What’s a skeleton’s favorite video game?

Call of DÖÖT-Y!

What is Rick Grimes' favourite type of crisps?

Walkers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why wasn't Jesus born in West Virginia?

Because God couldn't find 3 wise men... or a virgin.

*sorry if this is not new, from WV and my fav.

What's a golfers' favorite type of music?

Swing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A taxi driver goes home after a very long shift.

On his way home he sees a very drunk man that can’t even stay on his feet. “Can’t let that poor guy go home alona like this” he puts him in the passenger sit, asks him where he lives and starts driving to his house while the drunk guy sleeps. On their way there the taxi driver sees a women who’s hot...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a midnight dreary

Once upon a midnight dreary,

While I pron surfed,

Weak and weary,

Over many strange and spurious of ‘hot xxx galore’

While I clicked my fav’rite site,

Suddenly there came a warning,

And my heart was filled with a mourning,

Mourning for my dear amo...

What is Obi-Wan Kenobi's favourite song?

Higher ground by Red Hot Chili Peppers

What's Hank Hill's favorite band?

PROPAIN!

I found a cd at a thrift store for a band actually called PROPAIN, made up this joke on the spot (maybe it's old idk) and made myself giggle, so I had to buy it, now I keep it in our minivan and break it out as my favorite dad joke whenever I have someone in it lol

My Favorite Joke

Three guys die and go to heaven. While they're waiting in line at the pearly gates a guy asks them how they died. The first guy says "I live on the fourteenth floor of an apartment building. I've been suspecting my wife of cheating on me for a little while now so today I decided to find out for sure...

Can drinking bleach really kill you? We asked our listeners to try it out and none of them called back to tell me they’re dead so I think not

One of my fav quote from C&H

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can predict your favorite movie with one simple trick..

This math test will determine your favorite movie.
Amazing!
This is pretty damn amazing. Mine turned out to be Gone With The Wind. Thats my favorite movie! I was surprised how this worked.
.
Be honest and dont look at the movie list till you have done the math!
.
Try this test and ...

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

... Incase he got a hole in one.

HEHE one of my favs.
Whats your fav joke?

If communism would adapt English, they would adapt to British English.

ColOURs, FlavOURs, FavOURite and humOUR.

Chicken Pot Pie!

Three of my fav things :)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Advice from a Rabbi

A man goes to a respected Rabbi for advice.

"Rabbi, Rabbi, I'm getting audited by the IRS and have to appear in court. Should I show up there in lowly clothes so they think I'm as poor as I say I am? or should I show up dressed my finest so they know I'm a respected businessman that you don'...

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra

One of my favs

What is Trump's favorite album?

The Wall - Pink Floyd

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