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The skip intro button on Netflix is so cool.

I wish tinder had it too.

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It's cool that last names tell us about old family professions

Like the Smith family were blacksmiths


and the Bowman family were archers


and the Dickinson family... well they were in jail

How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He ate his food before it was cool.

If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do.

On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don’t.

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Sexism isnt cool at all

Bitches hate that shit

Why are fireworks so cool?

It’s cause they’re lit.

My friends found a cool racing game.

Recently my friends and I found an interesting new game, it’s sort of like a mix of an MMORPG and a racing game. You play as a car and you level up and get cool new gear and it makes you better and also looks cooler.

Anyway, we played this game for quite a while, slowly improving and getting ...

Ben was at home looking for his super cool amazingly fantastic awesome dad

When it was clear his dad wasn't inside sitting, he went to the window and saw....

That his dad was outstanding

How to be cool:

A) Make the sunglasses face

B)

When a guy has slept with a lot of girls, he’s cool

But when a girl has slept with a lot of guys, she’s your mom.

I think it’s pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of..

tattoos.

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Carving a boob from a tree would be pretty cool

Wooden tit

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cool funny jokes that i can copy and paste on to reddit

wait this isn't google

​

shit

Why are physicists still considered "not" cool...

When Thermodynamic entropy is getting cooler all the time?

My cousin thinks he's cool because he sleeps in a race car bed.

Little does he know I sleep in an actual car.

I went to this really cool restaurant where they gave out free bandanas with the meals

My girlfriend didn't like it though. She kept saying stuff like, "You're embarrassing me" and "Please take that napkin off your head."

I went to this cool new restaurant in Vegas, the server woman came out nude with the menu painted all over her body.

She asked if I was ready to order, I said “ I know what I want, but I just can’t put my finger on it.”

Look at that cloud, trying to act all cool..

He's nothin' but smog

Yeah Frieza was cool...

But his brother was cooler.

How does a pair of jeans cool it's self off?

It pants.

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A parrot swallowed a viagra pill. The owners put him in a freezer to "cool off."

When the owner opened the freezer he noticed the parrot was sweating profusely.

Owner: Why are you sweating so much?

Parrot: You know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?!

I played a cool video game with some really hammered dudes,

We were Super Smashed Bros.

Why are short people so cool?

Because they are down to earth

I convinced my son if he didn't try to keep me cool during Summer he wouldn't be written into my will...

Apparently I'm now a bad father simply for wanting some heir conditioning.

The Cool Clam Club

Deep beneath the ocean there is an exclusive club known for only having the coolest of clams in their midst. This was called the Cool Clam Club.


Now, the Cool Clam Club was known across the seven seas as one of the most prestigious clubs known to seakind due to the fact that their initia...

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Frank the penguin is driving down the highway in his convertible, with the top down, enjoying the cool breeze on a hot summer day when he notices that his “check engine” light is on.

He pulls over into the nearest auto body shop, and after a few minutes of inspection, the mechanic tells him that there’s something up with the oil and it should only be about 30-35 minutes.

“You have some time to kill, why don’t you head into town for a few minutes?” the mechanic suggests. “...

When asked how he keeps his cool under pressure...

The bomb squad captain said "either I'm right or it's not my problem anymore."

My friend thinks that pronouncing words like a Russian makes him sound cool

I tried to tell him to stop, but he insists it’s funny.

If he wants to walk around everywhere sounding like an idiot, then soviet.

Dear "cool kids"

They didnt name a candy after you did they?

Sincerely,
Nerds

People with insomnia are pretty cool

They’re up for anything

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How come all the other planets are named after cool stuff like gods?

Meanwhile, Earth is named after that dirty shit on the ground.

Did you hear about the woman who got cooled to absolute zero?

She's 0K now.

What Kind Of Vegetable Is Kind Of Cool?

Rad-ish

I put the cool into school

And the lit into illiterate

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An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any ...

I just met a really cool girl, but I won't date her because she has no feet...

I guess you could say I'm "lack toes intolerant".

Snow sculptures are cool!

Icy pose

So when Spiderman produces a white sticky substance it's "cool"

Why is it whenever I produce a white sticky substance I'm considered a "massive pervert"?

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.


Henry was curious and invited them into his office.


...

You wanna hear a super cool science joke?

0K

What do you call a person that made rap before it was cool?

A Hip-Hopster

“You have a really cool name!”

Thanks! I got it for my Birthday!

What's so cool about the nitrous/ethanol powered rocket?

You can continue to get higher even when the engine is turned off.

A black guy walks into a bar with a huge parrot on his shoulder. Bartender says ‘that’s so cool, that’s the neatest thing I’ve ever seen. Where’d you get that?’

The parrot says ‘I got him in Africa, there’s tons of them.’

Name a vegetable that's kind of cool.

Radish

What vegetable is trying really hard to be cool, but can't quite manage it?

A radish.

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I have this really cool Japanese ambisexual friend, he's always up for a night at the club and gets along with most people.

He's a true bi-party-san.

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A son goes up to his father,

And just turning 16, asks him "Dad, can I take the car? I'd really like to take this girl on a date."
His father looks at him, and says "Son, if you want to take my car, there are three things I'm going to need from you.
First is that you need to start helping your mother around the house. N...

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At the age of 4, I remember thinking: "I can count to 10, so cool!" At the age of 5, I remember thinking: "Wow, I can count to 100 now, so cool!"

And at the age of 6: "When does this thing even fucking end?!"

Amazeballs is millennial for "cool",

But it's also Native American for "hush puppies".

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Why are constipated people so cool with everything?

They dont give a shit

Many people who appear to be cool ,often struggle with feelings of inadequecy . But not me.

I have those feelings without appearing cool at all.

Everyone thinks being rebellious is cool

But I don’t

What do you call a group of cool trees trying to get an education?

Stud Ents

My bank has a new feature where they'll text you your bank balance. I think it's pretty cool.

I just don't think they should end the text with "LOL", though.

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C...

and still be 0K?

I watched hockey before it was cool.

They basically were swimming.

Where do Arctic Monkeys store their food to keep it cool.

Indie fridge.

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone get...

How do footballers stay cool?

They stand near the fans

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I'm so cool, I have sex daily.

I mean dyslexia.

Just found this cool new app that tells you which family members are racist...

Its called Facebook

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I thought I'd make a really cool belt by stringing together all of my wristwatches...

But it was a waist of time.

Yeah, it's cool that the Thai kids were rescued.

They’re just not as entertaining as they were when they first got trapped and not too many people knew them. I guess you could say I liked them more when they were underground.

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Why condoms come in packs of 3, 6 and 12!

A man walks into the pharmacy with his 8-year old son.

They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensiv...

Switzerland is such a cool place.

I honestly don't know much about the country itself, but the flag is a plus.

My neighbor has one of these brand new completely automated cars. Cool, but...

I'd never drive one of those things.

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I was lucky enough to win a couple of coupons for some cool bowling balls with number jokes printed on them.

I won two, three for five, sick "seven ate nine" ten pin bowling balls.

Or in other words I... 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ...pin bowling balls.

Everyone talks about Peter Parker because he was lucky enough to get bitten by the cool kind of radioactive spider...

My buddy Dave got bit by a radioactive brown recluse, and he just turned into a shut in.

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I have this cool party trick where I eat a rope and shit it out as a knot...

I shit you knot.

You know, being unsure if I'm a plant is actually pretty cool.

Am I rye?

How did the Hawaiian hipster die?

He walked on lava before it was cool.