My sister thought she was soo smart, she said the only vegetable/fruit that can make her cry is a onion.

So I threw a coconut at her

The employees at my bank are soo nice these days!

Occasionally they would call me and remind me that my loans have been outstanding!

When i was a kid , we were soo poor

For Christmas my mom would cut the pockets out of our pants ,so we would have something to play with..

Soo we’re going to the Autopsy club tonight huh? What’s happening there?

It’s open Mike night!

My Tibetan friend is soo lazy.

I always see Himalayan there.

Parallel lines have soo much in common

It's a shame they'll never meet  ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯

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My neutered dog wants to jump in the pool soo bad.

he just doesn’t have the balls to do it.

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Man with one arm.

Once upon a time there was a man who had lost his arm in a car accident. Losing his arm made him lose his job and made him very sad . He looked for work everywhere but he was not able to find and this made him very depressed. He tried to take his life one day by jumping off a building. Looking down...

The cemetery by my house is soo popular...

...people are dying to get in.

Yo mama's soo ugly..

One Direction went the other way.

How come computers are soo smart?

It is because they listen to their motherboard.

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Gingerbread house (long)

Me and my good friend John went camping one time, but after we left our campsite for a walk we got lost. After two weeks of walking around the forest, trying to find our way out, or at least something to eat, we stumble onto a little meadow with a gingerbread house in the middle.

As you can i...

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I can never get anything right. Yesterday I attempted suicide.

My wife left for work. I went into the garage, sealed the windows and doors.
Started my car, let it run.
I sat in my lawn chair and closed my eyes. After eight hours, nothing. I felt the same. I was soo pissed off I shut of my Tesla and went back inside.

Paddy and Mick are fishing

.. and they're not catching anything.
As they're about to give up for the day past them walk two Englishmen with huge baskets of freshly caught fish.


"BEJEYZUS!" Paddy exclaims, "How on Eart did ya catch soo many fish?"
The Englishmen explain that it's a life-hack they've been...

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Two girls die and go to Heaven...

They meet up there, realizing they know each other and are surprised to see the other one dead.

"Wow! What happened to you?" Asks the firs one.

"Hypothermia.. It was soo cold, but after a while I just wanted to sleep and looks like I am never waking up. How about you?"

"Heart at...

For years I was searching for...

For years I was searching for the music of a korean show called 'Rep'. I searched all my life for that music. A good part of my life was attached to thaf show. But I cant find it. I lost all my hopes in it.

Now when I am near my death bed, some months ago I get used to reddit. What a womderfu...

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A guy walks into a bar carrying 3 ducks......

He has one duck in his left hand, one in his right hand and one under his left arm. The bar is very empty and he is the only patron. He sits down sets his ducks on the bar and has a few drinks. The bartender doesn't say anything because he would rather a weird customer with ducks than no customers a...

i got the job

Employer : soo do you have any habits we should know about?

me : eem i do crack

Employer : you do crack?

me : i do crack a joke now and then..

A man parks his car on the street and goes into a shop....

...When he comes out, the car is not where he left it and apparently was stolen. So he calls the police and hopelessly goes back home. Two days later, he finds his car at his front door, with a note left in:

“I am very sorry but I had to borrow your car, because my wife was in labor and about...

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[NSFW] A guy is late to meet with his friends at the local bar...

... the friends obviously ask why he is late and he responds: "Wow, you won't believe what just happened. So I take the usual route via the rail tracks and suddenly I see a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks."

 

The friends are curious and ask: "Well, what happened ...

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Gay son

Three succesful men met up in a restaurant for dinner. First one started to talk "You know how my son is a succesful writer?" both men agreed "well he is soo succesful that he bought his best friend a brand new yacht worth 5 million dollars for his birthday last week." both men congratulated him.Sec...

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I was at the bar one night and having a drink with lady that was in a wheelchair due to a car wreck that left her without her legs. Which didn’t bother me at all, she was stunning. She was a tiny little thing and very beautiful, we hit it off pretty quick. So we decided to go back to her place.

We got to her place and I got the wheel chair for her and lifted her little body out of the car and rolled her inside the house. Once inside we had a few more drinks and things started to heat up between the two of us. I took off her little shirt and her little bottoms she was wearing and she tells ...

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A Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian

get caught in a storm while sailing and crash into an island. The island is inhabited by cannibals. They're given 3 tasks and if they fail at anyone of them, they'll be eaten.
First they have to drink a bottle of moonshine, then they have to go into a tiger cave and kill a tiger and lastly they ...

In a bar a man is sitting alone and looking sad

The bartender walks up to him and asks ''Sir why are you so upset?"

Man- "My son would have been 2 years today"

Bartender -" Oh I am soo sorry , how did he die?"

Man - I pulled out

What did the man in prison say to his twin brother?

“Soo...you know how we finish each other’s sentences”

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I try to avoid sexual innuendos

But it’s hard. Soo hard.

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I was digging in my garden when I found some gold coins.

I got soo excited I ran to the hospital to tell the prostitute about it, but then I remembered why I was digging.

A little old lady wants to buy a parrot.

So she goes to the local pet store and asks the shopkeeper if he has any parrots.

"Well I've just got this one right now but I have to warn you he used to belong to an old sailor and he's picked up some nasty words. Why don't you come back next week." He said.

"No that's quite alright...

Authorities have released the name of the United passenger from yesterday's incident

Soo Yoo

What's the mating call for a University of Alabama student?

"I'm soo ddrrrruunnkk!"

puddles

so a duck walks into a bar and sits down

the bartender asks him what his name is, the duck say "huey"

"so what have you been doing today huey?"

"oh you know, this and that, splashing about, in and out of puddles all day"

the duck has a drink and leaves.

A while lat...

If you eat the prize from a cereal box..

does that make you a specially marked box?


source: soos says some words

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3 murders get caught and get 10 years solitary...

During their killing spree they spare the life of an old man. They have 24 hour lock down and the old man turns out to be a wizard and approaches them in prison and says I cant set you all free but i will give you whatever you love the most in your cell.

So the first guy says woman, So the gu...

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