UPJOKE
idolizelovecherishadmiredearlydoterevererejoicedespiseyearnpleasesloathedetestweepmisunderstand

Adore Jokes

I absolutely adore alliteration.

Amateurs aren't aware of it's awesomeness.

When my wife said “Je t’adore!”

I said “Shut it yourself!”

I really adore the inherent pacifistic attitude of the vegans.

They don't want to have any beef with people.

That isn't to say that they are cow-ards

A baby is born with no arms or legs and no torso. In fact he is just a head. But his parents loved and adored him and cared for him all through his childhood..

When he turned 18 his dad took him down to the local pub for his first pint of beer. He took his first sip and “whoosh” his torso appeared. He took a second sip and his arms and legs appeared.

He was so excited he stood up and ran outside into the road where he was knocked over by an...

Whats the difference between affection and adore?

You can't slam your wife's head in affection.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just adore this one from Arthur Koestler.

Under the reign of the second emperor of the Ming Dynasty there lived an executioner by the name of Wang Lun. He was a master of his art and his fame spread through all of the provinces of the Empire. There were many executions in those days, and sometimes as many as fifteen or twenty men to be behe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two residents of an old folks home fall in love…..

June and Freddy. And they adore each other but they are too old and weak for sex. So the way they show affection is that each evening, June visits Freddy in his room, they sit side by side in their armchairs, and June just holds Freddy’s penis in her hand while they watch TV. That’s their love life ...

A joke I adore despite it being completely telegraphed.

My wife told me women are better at multitasking than men STOP So I told her to sit down and shut up STOP Guess what... She couldn't do either STOP

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sex offender's girlfriend left him saying that he didn't adore her body enough

Harassment nothing to him

In the 1980s, Gorbachev was adored by the West...

... But very much hated by his own people. All of Russia despised the man who caved in to the West and weakened the mighty Soviet Union. Many wanted to have his head, even his officials and the KGB.

One day at the Red Square, Gorbachev was giving a speech in front of the public. The KGB deci...

I met a kid who loved everything black and white. He adored penguins, pandas, and Mickey mouse

I dont get why I'm not allowed to hang out with him anymore. All I asked is if he likes michael jackson.

There's a group of people who say they for years they've adored these three sunflowers growing together...

...and then three sunflowers which looked the same and just as beautiful were planted next to them but did not grow very tall. Purely because of this, the people insisted and raged that the new sunflowers were an abomination that totally destroyed the beauty and awe of the three tall sunflowers perm...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man walks into a bar looking annoyed and sullen. "What's the matter, son?" asks an older patron.

The young man sighs.

"I have a girlfriend who's very nice and very pretty."

"So? What's the problem?"

"Actually, she's not just pretty. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever met in my life."

"That sounds great."

"Not only that, she also adores me and wants to b...

A department store opened in downtown area that sold men and a woman decides to visit it in search of a husband.

At the store’s entrance, there’s a sign outlining the department store policy.

* The first rule states that you can only enter the store once.
* There are six floors and on each floor you can choose a husband or elect to move on to the next floor.
* You cannot visit a floor more than on...

A man and his wife retire after working at their respective jobs for 40+ years and settle on a nice ranch out in the country

The wife asks if she can adopt a cat since all of their kids have grown and moved on, so she was having some empty nest syndromes going on

The husband agrees and they adopt a cat from the local shelter

And this woman adored the cat, lavishing all kinds of love onto the animal

Un...

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.

The Devil told the lawyer, ''I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your child...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't Stop

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Englishman on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

“Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how...

knock knock

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Adore.
Adore who?
Adore is between us. Open up!

A woman and her husband got a dog

They show off their new dog to their friend, who absolutely adores the little guy.

“What a good boy!” Their friend says. “Did you adopt him?”

“No,” says the wife, “he’s our biological dog”

Are you RACIST?

Why, yes, I am R.A.C.I.S.T:

Respect my friend's different beliefs

Adore the little quirks in their traditions

Care for my friends, no matter their skin color

Inform myself on what taboos I should never break

Smile when they speak their native tongues

The Fre...

What do i do when i see someone gorgeous?

I stare,
I adore,
I smile,





Then i put the mirror down.

Voldemort is like a teenage girl.

He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy.

My wife is a cyclops

She’s the one eye adore

Donald Trump is walking along a beach

He stumbles over an old bottle, he picks it up and pulls the cork.
With a flash of light and a puff of smoke a Genie appears before him.

"Thank you Donald for releasing me from my prison, I shall grant you any 1 wish"

Trump immediately blurts out "I want a Dragon like from game of t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to watch movies with my friend when we’re growing up.

One thing I don’t really get is how he used to adore who I hate. Johnny in The Karate Kid, Draco Malfoy in Harry Potter, Gaston in Beauty and the Beast. They are the definition of a bully.

He just came out last week. No wonder he likes assholes, he’s gay.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe Rogan Jokes

I adore what Joe Rogan has done for the DMT community and long-form interviews on his awesome podcast.

But when he uses his not-insignificant talents to do retread homosexual jokes and stolen sound effects (RIP Sam Kinison) for a mostly male heterosexual audience, one cannot help but wonde...

How are babies like hinges?

They are things to adore

Three brothers want to do something great for their mother's birthday

All three men are wealthy as two of them are doctors and one is a lawyer.

The eldest son proclaimed that he'd buy a big new house for their mother to live in and did so.

The middle son proclaimed that he'd buy an expensive and fast new car for their mother and did so.

Then the y...

A postman and his wife are expecting their first child.

The big day comes, and it's a healthy baby girl. The new parents are overjoyed, but it's a lot of work. Dad helps out in every way he can; changing diapers, keeping the house clean, prepping and cooking meals (always being sure to make something ahead for if Mom gets hungry when he's not home), etc....

About me

My broken heart.

I think it's time I told everyone a little bit about me.

A big part of my life was I used to be a harpist.
I'm not going to brag, but I could play the harp brilliantly.

I worked in an orchestra and after a concert I met this amazing woman.
Now I absolut...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus fed 5,000 Jewish people

With bread and fish, and he's adored for it.

I don't get it,

Hitler made 6 million Jewish people toast and he's hated for it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man marries a totally innocent woman, a real pure virgin.

On their wedding night he starts fucking her slowly. She is bewildered but happily surprised and asks her new husband: what's this? The husband says: this is called 'fucking'. The wife says: wow, fucking is nice. The husband replies: of course, fucking is very nice. It's awesome. A few months later ...

Tom absolutely loves tractors

A little boy named Tom was approaching his 3rd birthday, and absolutely adored the show "Tractor Tom", partially because of his name being spoken, and partially because he loved tractors.

As the day drew nearer, his parents decided to buy him a toy tractor as a gift. The rest of his toys wer...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Italian are all on a plane.

All three are heading to China for 2 months for a business trip. The Frenchman and the Englishman start talking about the night before:

Englishman: "I'll have you know I made love to my wife 3 times and this morning she told me she adored me"

Frenchman: "Ha ha! That is very good my fri...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.