UPJOKE
homophobepersonindividualxenophobecommieimbecilehypocriteloudmouthcurmudgeongroupiepinkowackoscumbagnutcasepeacenik

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My dick is so long if I laid it on the keyboard it would stretch all the way from A to Z

Wait... Shit...

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Raider Hater

A little girl has her first day in a new school after moving from San Francisco to Los Angeles.

The teacher asks the class “How many of you are Charger fans?”

The whole class raises their hands except for the little girl.

Teacher asks “What is your favorite team?”

“The Ni...

Dear Justin Bieber haters...please respect him.

.
.
I owe my life to Justin. Last August 16,2014 I was in a coma for 4 months due to a terrible car accident.
One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song...
So I got up...and turned off the radio.

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My favorite burn I've gotten for being trans

I was born female and transitioned to male. Early on in my transition, my gf and I were playing a video game, and I called her a noob when she died.

Her: Yeah okay Pinocchio.

Me: Pinocchio?

Her: You know... "I want to be a real boy!"

Edit: thanks for all the support and a...

What can you say about the haters of Jesus?

I guess they nailed it in the end.

If a black-hater is a racist, and women-hater is a misogynist, what do you call a hater-hater?

A really confused guy.

THE WIFE-HATER

"A wife-hater is attending the burial of his wife, who has just died. When someone asks, 'Who is it who rests in peace here?', he answers, 'Me, now that I'm rid of her!'"

What do you call a left wing hater of EA Sports?

Anti-FIFA

What's the difference between Star Wars fans and Star Wars haters?

the fans enjoyed 2 of the movies

I can't see the haters.

- Helen Keller

I treat my haters the same way I treat fingers on 4th of July…

I just blow ‘em off

What’s the deal with Furries? Haters think there’s nothing wrong with drawing cats.

But oh, when the cat becomes a femboy it’s suddenly a problem.

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Who is a Racist and a Homophobe and a Bigot and a Hater and a Sexist pig?

*Anyone* winning an argument with a liberal.

I like my coffee the way I like my haters.

Roasted.

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Horses are the biggest haters I know

Fucking neigh-sayers

Haters, Amy Schumer just got another Netflix special announced, who's laughing now

^(still nobody)

What are the KKK's favorite drinks?

White Powera-de and Hater-ade



(Credit to u/apena824 for the hater-ade)

How do you bid farewell to an Islamophobic Crocodile?

See ya later, Allah-hater!

Someone drew a swastika on The Trump Tower

The police aren't sure if it's a supporter, or a hater.

Every president has a secret service codename.

The current president is “Mogul”. I looked it up.
Mogul: a member of the Muslim dynasty of Mongol origin
Nope, that can’t be it, unless he’s a total self-hater. Try alternate definition:
Mogul: In downhill skiing, an ice-cold lump; an extremely dense obstacle to human progress, a destabil...

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A distraught woman answered the door…

DISCLAIMER: I heard this 30 years ago and was told this was a true story. Then I heard a comedian tell it 20 years ago. I have no idea what the actual origin is so haters kindly please step off. Lol

==========

The nighttime festivities at a neighborhood pub were winding down when the b...

To all the haters out there, I think Melania Trump's speech hit all the right keys.

Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V

Haters once said Chuck Yeager would never break the sound barrier...

But he made a Machery of them.

What do you call a lizard that hates fortnite youtubers?

An Ali-hater.

What do you call a transphobe that can turn on 50 lights at once?

A Jenner-hater

What sound does a duck make when you kick it?

Quack! What did you think?
What sound does a horse make when you kick it?
Neigh!
What sound does a pig make when you kick it?
BACKUP! I NEED BACKUP!

...

Not a cop hater... Just a joke.

11 jokes from the world's oldest joke book

1. A Student Dunce Goes Swimming

"A student dunce went swimming and almost drowned. So now he swears he'll never get into water until he's really learned to swim."

2 An Intellectual Visits a Friend

"An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man...

Rain Rain Go Away

That's what all my haters say.
-cumulonimbus clouds probably

Have you heard about Terry the tractor lover?

He was the ultimate tractor enthusiast, his bedroom was plastered with tractor posters, his bed was adorned with a tractor bed spread, tractor toys littered the floor and tractor maintenance DVDs dominated his shelves.

Shortly after Terry's 18th birthday (where he of course had a tractor bir...

I hate two types of people...

haters and hypocrites.

I hate three things

1. Haters
2. Lists
3. Hypocrites

I’ve been thinking...

I have seen a lot of hate spewed in recent days about a man who is a constant winner and overachiever, and that's what the people who support him like about him. Yes, he's been caught in some lies and maybe twisted the truth a little but he's still out there proving his haters wrong time after time....

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