Why did Karl marx dislike earl grey tea?

Because all proper-tea is theft

A church got a new pastor, who the music minister immediately disliked. Eventually, their conflict spilled out into the Sunday services.

The first week, the pastor preached about commitment and how we should dedicate our lives to serving one another. The music minister led the song "I Shall Not Be Moved."

The second week, the pastor preached about tithing and how important it was for the congregation to contributed to the chu...

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I dislike my cat.

She's such a butt licker.

What do you call a person who dislikes people who don’t have toes?

Lack toes intolerant.

Why do Afghans dislike being stereotyped?

They hate people making blanket statements about them.

I dislike the colour purple

more than blue and red combined.

I wrote down the names of everyone I dislike on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint.

He is now high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.

Why does Matthew McConaughey dislike NASCAR

Because it's not all right, all right, all right.....

Why did the Caribbean guy dislike one of the most commonly used vowels?

Because he was from Haiti.

Why does fruit dislike being preserved?

The process is jarring.

What does Bill Gates say when he dislikes something?

Bill Hates.

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What kind of drink does Hitler dislike?

Juice.

What’s the difference between somebody who doesn’t drink milk and somebody who dislikes amputees?

One is lactose intolerant, the other is lack toes intolerant

I really dislike gossipers

They discuss me.

Despite my major dislike of tattoos, my wife recently got one of a club, diamond, heart and spade

I just can't deal with it

Some people dislike parsley in their liquid dishes

but I think it's soup herb.

Why did so many people dislike the constitution?

It was too negative, they should have changed con to pro.

I dislike my job as a waiter.

But it puts food on the table.

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I was amazed to learn that one quarter of women dislike giving oral sex.

25%. Mind blowing.

I dislike people who constantly make Harry Potter references and I hate the use of malapropism for comedic effect but...

I’ll admit I’m a bit of a hippogryph sometimes.

Why do WWI veterans dislike golf?

They always end up in the bunker.

I really dislike people doing Michael Jackson impressions

Whenever I see one, I turn 360 degrees and walk away.

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Why Indian students are disliked abroad

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some
American History.
Teacher :- Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"


She saw a sea of blank face...

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Why did the window cleaner dislike his job?

It was a pane in the ass.

If you ever feel like you’ve failed, a lot of people dislike you, and your out of touch with the people who rely on you, just remember one thing:

YouTube Rewind 2018

It’s Perfectly fine to dislike certain races

I like running the 5k personally, my friend runs the 10k and he’s like that better though

As a vet i dislike working with ducks

They keep calling me a quack

I recently lost a friend because he disliked maths.

He hates topology and that is what mostly torus apart.

You guys wont believe what happened today

So my friend told me that he didn't like the Lord of the rings trilogy.

And just a minute after that he was hit by a car!

I assume it's a bad sign to dislike Tolkien.



Anyway, I lost my drivers license today.

The PPSH-41 is a soviet gun, which a lot of people disliked. It cost too much to reload with a fire rate of 1000 bpm, and had horrible recoil and aim.

Now, this gun is widely unpopular, but it had one upside: in the russian alphabet, “PPSH” consisted of three letters, pronounced “Pa Pa Sha”. In russian, papasha means “daddy”, and so the popular nickname for this gun was “daddy”. My older sister was shot by one during her time in the army, and luck...

I just love the feeling you get when someone you dislike is wearing slightly uncomfortable shoes

Ah shoddenfreude

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Hitler hires a new cook

Before taking up the job he is told there are 2 main requirements - Making good healthy food for the dictator and never interfering in his policies.

On his first day he finds out about all of Hitler's preferences, likes and dislikes. With all of that in mind he makes everything as expected e...

Why did the mirror's parents dislike it misbehaving?

They were concerned about how it would reflect on them.

My friend told me he really dislikes "All Star" by Smashmouth.

I said: "Hey now..."

My son disliked the present he received from 50 Cent.

It was cheap and badly rapped.

People want to help hippos and conserve them, while others dislike hippos for attacking humans.

Why are people so hippo-critical?

Which kitchen appliance do surfers dislike most?

The micro wave.

My friend Bert disliked his name

... so he studied all the rules and laws about legally changing it. In case you have any questions about name-changing, feel free to ask him - he is now an ex-Bert.

Why I dislike this sub:

There's not enough cheese and bacon on it. I think I'll go to a different place for lunch next time.

Why do most people dislike anchovies?

Because they're a little fishy

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I found out that a girl who I thought disliked me actually thinks I'm super cute, like a puppy.

Her exact words were "You little son of a bitch"

At first John disliked a short haircut

But then it grew on him.

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Why does Hitler dislike strip clubs?

Too many Poles.

I don't know why people dislike roman Numerals.

I, for one, like them.

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Why do people dislike the new iPhone 7 so much?

It can't do jack shit.

Why do LGBT people dislike coding?

It's binary

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Why did Eva Braun dislike giving Hitler blowjobs?

Because he left a Nazi taste in her mouth.

I've never really disliked pastries

But I hate Pai now

A new survey shows that 99% of Americans dislike Donald Trump

I knew Trump was a part of the 1%.

I dislike how Mandarin is romanized

But that's just my o-pinyin

Why do mathematicians dislike cloth rugs?

They prefer fur mats.

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The great detective Herlock Sholmes was hired to investigate the disappearance of one of the most important political figures in the nation.

He was quickly briefed on the current situation: at two in the morning, a young woman named Andrea had been captured by an unknown party. Now normally, a kidnapping wouldn’t be something to call in the great Herlock Sholmes for, but Andrea was a special case.

In the nation of Modgasia, the go...

I like my internet like I dislike my women.

Not going down on me.

Did you know that people who dislike calculus are typically racists?

They hate integration.

Why does Donald Trump dislike trees?

Because they're brown and don't speak English.

Why do mexicans dislike rust?

Because it is feo

I dislike the word "kidnapping"...

I prefer "surprise adoption".

Why did the programmer dislike his job?

He wasn't getting arrays at work.

why do apple computers dislike love songs?

they are all done by Adele!

Why do indegionous people dislike snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

I dislike elevators so much...

that I've started taking steps to avoid them.

An English man and an Irish man are driving head-on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast

for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Englishman goes to the boot and fe...

I used to dislike the idea of having a beard ...

but it slowly grew on me.

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My girlfriend disliked my obsession with Japanese food

Sushi left me.

What's the only type of music that the balloon dislikes?

Pop.

Why does Donald Trump dislike Bernie Sanders?

Chickens tend to avoid anything with the last name "Sanders".

I always disliked my hair

but its growing on me.

Why do people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz ?

It saves so much time.

My Name ist short

An employee from a different Branche visits.

Coworker: "you should know that the Boss Here is called featherstonehaugh. He dislikes being mispronounced so try to remember it. My own Name is 'short'."

Employee: "my name is short too, it's 'Long'."

Why is North Korea disliked by South Korea?

It's because they are a Seoulless nation.

Why did the priest dislike geometry?

It's sin-ful.


[self made joke]

There was this engineer who died and went to Hell.

He disliked Hell, so pretty soon he went to work improving it. He installed air conditioning, elevators, bathroom air fresheners, escalators, and all sorts of gadgetry. One day God calls Satan:

"So, how are things down there?" asks God.

"Great!" Satan replies, "we now have air conditio...

Mahatma Gandhi's sass

When Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely and always displayed prejudice and animosity towards him. Also, because Gandhi never lowered his head when addressing him, as he expected…. there were always “argum...

How are flat chested women like spiders?

If you dislike either one, you're a-rack-no-phobic.

I see why Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween,

They must dislike random people coming up to their doors.

Why do the French like eating snails?

Because they dislike fast food

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There were 2 brothers, one who could see what animals were thinking but couldn't speak, the other could see what fellow humans were thinking and could speak

One day they get an idea, they would go around visiting people with pets, the one who could read animal minds would find anything the pet disliked about their life, then the one who could read human minds would read their brother's mind and inform the owner.

They both begin their business an...

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It is the year 2200

In a small city lived a master fisherman. This fisherman was famous throughout the world for being able to catch numerous amounts of fish in any body of water. Now, fish these days have mutated and changed quite a bit, but this fisherman was able to catch them all with little to no effort.

On...

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God gave the woman...

God gave the woman beautiful eyebrows
She didn't like this, so she removed them and drew her own



God gave the woman pretty nails
She disliked this, so she cut them and put artificial ones



God gave the woman a pretty face
She hated it, so she put makeup on...

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A plane leaves JFK airport under the control of a Jewish captain, Josh Weinberg.

It is the first time he has flown with his Chinese co-pilot Bo Weng and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

After this protracted silence has continued for a while, the Captain mutters, 'I don't like the Chinese.. .'

'No rike Chinese?' asks the copil...

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what the most useless thing ever?

a dislike button on a youtube comment

An old lady in London...(a true story)

Around a week ago I was waiting in queue behind an old lady at KFC. She placed her order, paid in cash, and all was well until she received one of those new plastic £5 notes as change from the cashier.

She vocally expressed her dislike about the presence of animal products in the new £5 bills...

If the Naruto runner isnt in rewind,

420 BILLION DISLIKES

A man finds a bottle

A man was walking along the beach when he came across an old glass bottle with a cork in it. Curious, he pulled out the cork, and with a loud bang and a cloud of smoke, a genie appeared.

Excited, the man asked "Does this mean I get three wishes?"

"Yes," said the genie. "But all my wis...

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Two friends are walking through a forest...

A cat and a rooster - lifelong friends - are walking through the forest and starting to get hungry. Eventually they come to a stream and notice some food on the other side. While the stream isn't very wide, it is fast moving, and there is no easy way to cross.

The rooster is so hungry at ...

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