Lame Jokes

"Wanna hear a pizza joke?"

"Nevermind, it's too cheesy."

They were bored sitting empty, so they decided to perform some experiments.

The physicist says, "I'm gonna measure the depth of the sea." He proceeds to dive into the sea, but goes too deep. He gets crushed by the underwater pressure, drowns and dies.

The biologist says, "I'm gonna dis... read more

They worked very normal 9-5s, were involved in the community, and cheered for [insert reader’s favorite sports team].


The lovely couple had two teenage children: Felicity and Felix. The two youngsters were nothing like their parents. They went were pranksters and miscreants, always getti... read more

But not every joke here is always the same.

During the holiday season, a man is aimlessly drifting around a shopping center, wondering what to get his wife for Christmas. Wandering into a pet store, he asks the shop assistant, "Hey, buddy, you got anything with a Christmas-type theme in here?"

"Well, there is Chet, the parrot," the... read more

you get banned from a courtroom for stalking the jurors.

Q: What's the name of Ben 10's older brother?

A: Glen 20

At the doctors office:


Did you take my advice and sleep with the window open?


Yes, I did.


So, did the cough disappear?


The only thing that's disappeared is my laptop and my smartphone.

I am afflicted with a crippling sense of humour

[This post has been removed due to a copyright claim.]

Generally speaking.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Door mum

Door mum who?

I've come to bargain

Argon walks into a bar, bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve noble gasses here".

Argon didn't react

For them, finding the good ones is like finding a needle in a hey-stack.

There were 2 girls behind me who started laughing. I turned around and looked them straight in the eyes and said, "make that 52".
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Now both of them have condom balloons :D

And God said unto John: Come forth, and you shall receive eternal life.
But john came fifth, and won a toaster.


I know, it's stupid and overused, but it's my favorite...

What hotel does Link stay at?

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..




..


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The Hyatt!

One day Sean joined a quiz team.

He and his teammates studied really hard for a quiz competition.

On the night of the quiz competition, in the last round, Sean and his team was 1 point behind first place.

However, they had one more question that if answered correctly, would awar... read more

and the remaining % good in maths

Guy dies of heart attack and goes straight to the line that leads to the gates of heaven. When in there, the guy immediately behind him asks him: hey, what did you die of? He says: oh, I got earlier from work at home, saw some man’s clothes in my house, thought my wife was cheating on me and started... read more

Discus

I've heard them all like a Zildjian times.

So, I used to work at a studio - doesn't really matter where - and there was this one guy who'd always be around. Just around. I didn't want to seem impolite so I never asked what he did. I kept my head down and did my thing, you know. I mostly forgot about him, except for when I'd be working late a... read more

Someone asked was I being sesquipedalianist just to make a joke on reddit! Which I repudiate!

An Artemiss.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Salad.
Salad who?
It's the salad! Lettuce in!

but I think they rock.

But it sure allows the dumb to speak.

I told him to stop because he never makes funny jokes.
His replay was - I made you didn't I?

It's got no Seoul.

It was dreadful

but everyone kept assuring me that it was subpar.

Gotchu!

General Cao and his army of thirty thousand men were eating a gigantic bean bun.

The bean bun was so huge that that they ate for three days and three nights, and all that time it was all crust and no filling.

On the fourth day, they finally hit on something, but it wasn't bean filling.... read more

Why did the turkey get ejected from the soccer game?

He had tripped a fan.

Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that... read more

...so I am forced to hand in my too wack notice.

I didn't pick it well.

Noel

...Just like yo momma

No Punchline.

So, two weeks before her birthday, she tells her husband "You always get me the worst presents when my birthday rolls around. Well, this year had better be different. When I wake up in two weeks, there had better be something in the driveway that will go from O to 200 in less than 60 seconds!"
... read more

Him: "If my name was Ella, and I married Darth Vader. My name would be Elevator". Stupid and corny, but it's exactly the kind of lame jokes he would make.

It's almost like they've never been told dad jokes before...

well look who's laughing now

Edit: That's stupid, Jack. I removed the H from my name coz it saves ink in my printer.

He's the wurst.