Embark Jokes - 33 Hilarious Embark Jokes

sources say it was raining when JFK embarked on his motorcade and yet he decided to go in a convertible..

Makes you wonder what was going through his head.

King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade.

Before doing so he called to Merlin to devise a cunning chastity belt for Guinevere. The belt contained a miniature guillotine.

Upon his return, he called to his Knights of the Round Table and had them all strip from the waist down.

One by one, he went to each knight and shook his hea...

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A lone camel driver was about to embark upon a long journey from west Sahara to Egypt.

He packed all the gear he could think of for the journey that would last for a couple of months. No thing had escaped his mind. Lots of water, food, first aid kit, even three toothbrushes to last him the whole way.

Only after a week, well into the desert did it dawn on him that while he had r...

Whenever I embark on a DIY project, I always read the instructions carefully...

And retrospectively.

A group of adventurers embarks on a quest

"DragonFlameKing", who is the highest level in the party, gathers the others before they begin the quest to discuss strategies and check their supplies.

-Alright, gear and equipments look fine so hear me out for a little bit. This quest is not too demanding but it's still hard. I am a Juggern...

I'm about to embark on a huge art conquest of Shakespeare's work and am undecided on which pencil to use...

2B or not 2B

An Irish lad just graduating school embarks on his career in business.

Found employment in a nice village. Being a bit of an introvert, took him a few months to venture into the local pub. Asked the bartender for 3 pints, and he took them back into a dark corner table, drank the 3 and left. After a few days, when he ordered his usual 3, the barkeep said "Ya know lad, I...

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

Nike and TOMS are embarking on a joint venture...

...for every pair of shoes you buy, they'll donate a pair to the child who made them.

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Why did the verbose chicken cross the road?

To transform into reality his long-anticipated dream of embarking on a risky voyage of strenuous bodily effort so that he can undergo physical displacement in three-dimensional space from one vantage point on the lengthy stretch of black asphalt to another one symmetrically adjacent to the first.

My Math Professor Told Us This Joke Today.

A mathematician had a change of heart and decided to embark on a career change to become a fire fighter. He walks into a fire station, approaches the supervisor and demands to be hired.

Even though there were positions open, the supervisor doesn't consider the mathematician very practical and...

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A policeman stands near the road...

Waiting for some cars to pass by. Finally a family sedan appears in his sight and as the car approaches the officer gives a signal to the driver to pull up. A young man and a young woman are sitting on the front seats while an elderly pair had taken the seats behind them. The sedan stops and the pol...

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A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST."

So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.

Time goes by, and the day comes whe...

Jim and Ted were let go after 15 years working at the bra factory so they headed down to the local Employment office…

There they each filled out some forms. They both had worked the same quality assurance positions on the line down at the “Over The Shoulder Boulder Holder Inc.”. Afterwards they each met with a jobs counselor to try and find new employment they could embark on. As the final step they met individua...

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I have a habit of reading when I am travelling via train.

This one journey I was reading *Mein Kampf*.

Suddenly this one lady in the cabin caught sight of the title and immediately started a ruckus. She snapped at how inappropriate it is for someone in the modern age to read that regressive book. She even went on to call me a Nazi and continued rebu...

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Here is a useful information you need to know : Orthodox priests are allowed to get married. That explains why the priest is believed to have a wife. Now read the joke.

A man from a small Bulgarian (Orthodox country) village had an insurmountable desire to sleep with the local priest's wife. In order to ensure that the priest would not come home in the wrong time the man asked a good friend of his to find a way to keep the priest in the church for long enough. The ...

Steve likes Flowers

Every week, he goes to a different florist in his city, and buys a different kind of flower, trying to find what looks and smells best. On this occasion, however, he struggles to find one that fits his vibe for the week. Seeing his struggle, the young florist walks up.

"Hi!" She says with a ...

So, there was a Horse, a Sheep and a Chicken and they lived in a barn

The horse had long dreamed of learning to play the guitar.

So the horse rings a music shop and he says, “Hey, I’d love to learn to play guitar. Is there anyone who can teach me”?

The music shop manager says “That’s not an issue, let’s get you started on some music lessons.” ...

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Harry the horse

Once upon a time, in a quaint little village nestled between rolling green hills, there lived a horse named Harry. Now, Harry was no ordinary horse; he possessed an uncanny ability to make the most mundane situations utterly hilarious. His knack for comedy made him the talk of the town, and villager...

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Three Men are on a Journey Through the Desert ...

A Generation X'er, a Boomer, and a Millennial are embarking on a desert journey. They have each been allowed to bring one item for survival.

The X'er was asked, "What did you bring?".
"I don't lack in intellect. I brought food so that we can eat if we are hungry

The others nodded ...

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Elderly Couple

An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry.

Before the wedding they embarked on a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old man decided it was time t...

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead escape from their cells on a prison island...

... They sneak past the guards and make it to the shoreline. The mainland is a kilometre away, through dangerous waters.

The brunette, being the bravest, leaves first. She swims as hard as she can, but after only a few hundred meters she becomes exhausted and drowns.

The redhea...

The 3 men (Joke told by professor)

Sometime during the middle ages, one day - an engineer, a priest, and a farmer were being executed by the guillotine due to their crimes they commit against the village

the engineer was punished because he was rigging his builds and selling it blindly to people to make extra money by offering...

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Two men and their donkeys meet in a city.

"Nice donkey," says the first man.

"Thank you," the second man replies, "his name is Forever. Unfortunately, he only listens to instructions given in German, so I must sell him."

He begins to walk away. The first man calls out.

"Hey! I speak German. Let's trade donkeys--but be w...

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A man and his wife went to a fancy dinner party at a friend’s estate...

...while there, the husband, feeling the luxurious meal, embarks on a journey to the restroom. After a good bit of time he returns and his wife begins to ask if he is feeling alright.

Interrupting, he enthusiastically describes “the most beautiful, wonderful toilet anybody has ever seen! Made...

A man passed a shop,where he saw a sign, "Magic Vulture for Sale"

Curious, the man walked into the shop and asked about the bird.

The salesman replied, "This vulture has special powers. Whenever you go shopping, bring it along, and the cashier will give you 90% off!"

"Really? How much does it cost?"

"A million dollars."

The man balked a...

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Lizard is walking through the forest...

and he comes up to a large tree along the path. He looks up in the tree and sees Koala sitting on a branch smoking a joint.

"Heyoo Koala, do you mind if I climb up and try some?" Lizard asks.

"Not at all Lizard, my dude, come on up!" Koala wheezed while exhaling a ripe puff.

Liz...

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The Arabian Prince and the Camel.

A newly pronounced Arabian prince had just married his beautiful wife and has lived a content, but unfulfilled life. He has had sex with his beautiful wife almost everyday, up until he wanted to become a real man and do a right of passage.

He decides to go on a journey with the Camel Journey...

Two recent philosophy graduates..

2 recent philosophy graduates, John and Andy, embarked on a cross-country journey to better understand the meaning of life.

They took with them their best friend, Bill, who was a college drop-out and a former drug addict who's now sober and helping his dad's business.

John and Andy tho...

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The Traveling Salesmen and the Farmer's Daughter

(Obligatory traveling salesmen break down, ask farmer for shelter, farmer warns against sleeping with daughter, salesmen do anyway setup...)

"As punishment," the farmer says sternly, "you're going to help me with my harvest. Go outside and pick one hundred of your favorite fruit."

The ...

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Voodoo Dildo

A Husband is about to embark on a year long business trip. He realizes that this will be a long time away from his wife. To deter her from cheating he sets out in the city one last time to find her a dildo. He searches every where and cannot find a single dildo that will keep his wife true to him. T...

A cowboy, bored with his life, decides to head east...

He embarks by train from California, hoping to seek a new job and new adventures.

Somewhere in Arizona, the train slows down at a small station and passengers stream on and off. Looking through a window, the cowboy sees an old Native American man wearing what looks like the garb of a powerful...

A joke my Cousin told to me when I was 5, that I rewrote one day. The Rabi and the Trids (WARNING: LONG)

This is the story of a Rabbi named Steven. Steven was lost in the mountains of Bolivia one day. He had embarked from Lima weeks ago, but his translator had taken a rather nasty tumble and was no longer with him. But the Rabbi continued. He walked forward and up, perhaps being guided by a higher forc...

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