UPJOKE
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A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine...

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your post ...

Putin goes undercover as a drill sergeant. Talking to a new recruit, he asks

- Where are you from, private?
- Sir, St. Petersburg
- Oh, I'm from there too. Who's your father?
- Sir, my father is President Vladimir Putin.
- That is impossible, how can that be?
- Sir, people always say that President Putin is father of our country.

Surprised but pleased, ...

Recruiter: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

“Alive, hopefully.”

What did Mike Tyson say to the Mind Flayers who tried to recruit him on their ship?

I won’t be a part of your illithid activities.

Professor X asks a potential new, young mutant recruit, "What's your mutant power?"

Mutant: "Hindsight!"

Professor X: "That's not going to help us at all"

Mutant: "Yes, I can see that now"

A suicide bomber training his new recruits:

"Okay, pay attention, I'm only going to show you this once"

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. Bu...

Rock, paper and scissors were fired as recruitment officers

They only gave hand jobs

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The new recruit

An Israeli soldier who had just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO said "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"
So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tan...

A sailor reported for duty on a ship set to spend months at sea.

On the first day the captain takes the new recruit on a tour of the ship.
He shows him the engine room, the helm, the quarters taking him all over the ship. They end the tour in the captain's office where the captain closes the door behind him and tells the sailor "Oh and one more thing, Seeing a...

Terry Wingdings was the newest recruit at the police academy.

Look out world, there’s a new serif in town.

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The FBI are looking to recruit an assassin...

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; Two women and a man.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the women to a large metal door and handed her a gun.
'We must know that you will follow yo...

A policeman is interrogating three new recruits training to become detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first recruit a picture for five seconds and then hides it. 


“This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?” The recruit answers, "That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!” The policeman says, "Recruit!...

The CIA is recruiting new agents.

Out of many who applied only three agents made it to the last test, where they have to show their loyalty and dedication to the CIA by killing their wife.

The first agent steps up to the room where his wife is, grabs the door handle, but he can’t make himself do it. He drops out of the test.<...

The chief of staff of the US air force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of the armed forces. He directed that a nearby Air Force base will be open and all eligible young men and women would be invited.

As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F - 15 fighter jet, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.

The chief of staff struck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and said...

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a man joins the navy

A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they're at sea for so long.
"Let me show you,...

Police Chief to new recruit.

Police Chief: As a recruit, youll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?

New Recruit: Call for backup!

gang recruitment

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "There's a gang in my area that recruits new members by threatening them with all sorts of horrible punishments if they don't join," he tells the bartender. "But, enough about the church....."

army recruitment

If a war breaks out, I think they will take me to communication because I'm an electrical technician. When it was the last war, my grandfather was probably also in communication because he had two lightning bolts on his helmet.

Sergeant says to the recruit

\- "I didn't see you during camouflaging exercise!"

\- "Thank you, Sir!"

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Two Army paratrooper recruits are talking about their first time jumping out of a plane.

FNG 1: How was your first jump today?

FNG 2: Well... I stood in front of the open door looking at the Earth flying by and turned to the Jump Master telling him that I couldn't do it. The JM said if I don't jump then he would fuck me in the ass.

FNG 1: Did you Jump???

FNG 2: A l...

A lieutenant gets some bad news for a recruit.

He takes the drill sergeant aside and asks him to convey to Private Smith that his grandma passed away 2 days ago but to break the news gently.

The drill sergeant gets the recruits in formation and says “If both of your grandmothers are still alive, step forward! As some of the recruits begin...

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A drill instructor was yelling at a new recruit

He was all up in this guy's face, their noses less than an inch apart.

He screamed at the recruit, "You hate me don't you?!?"
The recruit responded as calmly as possible, "Sir, no sir."
The instructor yelled back, "You're going to piss on my grave if you outlive me, aren't you?!...

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A navy recruit is being shown around the ship by the captain

A navy recruit is being shown around the ship by the captain.
Towards the end of the tour the captain takes the new recruit to the very bottom of the ship and shows him a room with nothing but a barrel with a hole in it. The captain tells the new recruit that sex with this barrel will be the bes...

You’re Up Next Soldier

While posted to Germany in 1987 I was a Cpl in the Canadian Army. I had been selected to attend a Combat Leadership Course.
One of the first things we were required to do was stand in front of our peers in a classroom and give a brief blurb on ourselves.
The course Warrant Officer said “Righ...

During wartime, two recruits are talking

- So, why did you enlist?
- I'm young, single and child free, I want to see some action and aventure! What about you?
- I'm married and have 4 children. I want some peace.

A new recruit in the Navy was being put through the paces by an experienced captain.

"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"

"Throw out an anchor, sir," the recruit replied.

"What would you do if another storm sprang up after?"

"Throw out another anchor, sir."

"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do th...

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An army recruit steps into his base for the first time

He he’s greeted by his Commanding Officer.

“Hey welcome to the base rookie as you can see we have just about everything pools, restrooms, weight rooms and more”.

The rookie looks him in the the eye.

“ So you have just about everything to fulfill all my needs”.

“Yeah just ...

An arm with no body crawls into a military recruiting station.

The sergeant looks on in amazement as the arm hops onto his desk, grabs a pen and writes;

“I’m here to enlist!”

“You can’t enlist, you’re just an arm!”

The arm quickly wraps itself around the sergeant’s neck and puts him into a submission hold; letting him go just before he pas...

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Received a call from a female recruitment consultant.

She said to me: "Sir I have two openings for you...!

I replied : Yes. I know 😊

There was a long silence and then she said:- asshole

I replied:- I prefer the other one...

A grizzled veteran notices a new recruit in the warzone and walks up to him.

"Did you come here to die?"


"Naw mate, Ai came here yesterdai!"

A drill sergeant ran his platoon of recruits all over the camp in the hot sun with heavy packs on.

As they stood there, exhausted, he put his face up to one of the recruit's face and said, "I'll bet you're wishing I would die so you could come and urinate on my grave, aren't you?"

And the recruit says, "No, sir! When I get out of the army I'm never gonna stand in another line again!"

A US Air Force drill instructor stood in front of his new recruits.

"Recruit Bains!" He yelled. "Where did you enlist?"

"In California, sir," Bains replied. "There was an Air Force recruiting station next to a Navy recruiting station."

"Then why," the D.I. asked, "Did you choose the Air Force?"

"Because, sir," Bains answered. "What goes up mu...

What did the new recruit think of his assignment as a minesweeper?

It's a blast!

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised.Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’ sales pitch.Jones explained the basics o...

Swedish recruit goes in to the Supply Sergeant for his first weapons issue:

*" Hallo, my name is Hans ... where are my arms? "*

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Foreign Legion recruit asks about sex

Jean Pauls life is going nowhere so he decides to look for adventure and decides to join the Foreign Legion. After six weeks exhaustive training he is feeling sexually frustrated so asks the Corporal what options the troops have for sex.

The corporal listens to him and tells him if he wants ...

The Navy is beginning to recruit blind men.

They are sending them out to sea.

High command asked a new recruit:

"What do you want to be in the army?"
"Pilot!"
And they sent him to preparatory courses, but they did not like him and told him he would never become a pilot.
So he went to the committee again.
"Where do you want to be in the army?"
"Air defence!"
"Why?"
...

A new recruit in the military was looking for a sheet of paper

He would look for a particular sheet of paper no matter the day and weather. He refused to tell anyone what the sheet of paper was about, so after a week of this recruit searching high and low for the sheet of paper, the psychiatrist declared him mentally challenged and discharged him from the milit...

Landed a job a few weeks ago as an archeologist excavating tombs in Egypt. But when I went in for work, they just had me go and recruit more archeologists.

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme

A suicide bombing instructor addresses a group of new recruits.

"All right lads pay attention cos I'm only gonna show you this once"

When I joined the army to fight the cannibals, I was a fresh recruit.

But by the end I was a seasoned veteran

Two new recruits were on the deck of a ship.

One turns to other and says, "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn't it?"

Other recruit replies, "Everyone must be watching the band."

"There is no band on this ship."

"No, I definitely heard the captain say, a band on ship."

A new recruit was on his first day on a submarine

He speaks with an officer, who assigns him a job and says "if you dont like your job, come talk to me, and i will give you a new one.

"Why is that?" Asks the recruit.

To which to officer responds "this sub has guaranteed reposts."

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A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

The Flat-Earth Society is now recruiting new members...

We have chapters all around the world.

A man gets recruited into the navy...

A man gets recruited into the navy and is getting a tour of the ship by the captain.
The man asked, “What do I do, if I have to relieve some tension, you know?”
So the navy captain takes him to the back of the ship, shows him a barrel, and says, “I’ll go and give you some privacy, you ...

A recruit is told to do push ups

A recruit is in formation when the drill sergeant tells everyone to do push-ups.

The recruit raises his arm and says " Sir, I can't do push-ups, Sir!"

The drill sergeant responds "AND WHY THE HELL NOT RECRUIT?"

The recruit responds "Sir, I have no hands, Sir!"

The drill s...

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A Russian soldier is assigned to the training exercise

A Russian soldier is assigned to a squad near the front of the training exercise to replace a fallen komrat. He is warned that the training is hard with many death, and the squad members are a bit excentric, so he should just try to fit in.


He arrives to a camp of about 10 men and a cou...

A new recruit has joined the navy...

A new recruit has joined the navy, and he's being given a tour of the ship. After the tour, the recruit asks the captain...

"But where can I go to pleasure my self?".

So the captain walks the recruit to a room at the back of the ship. The room had a single barrel, with a hole on the si...

A recruiter asks an octopus if he wants to join the Army

The octopus says no thanks I’m army enough as it is.

So I got a call from a lady from a recruiting firm and she said "Well, I've got 3 openings..."

I said " obviously,you are a woman ".

A group of soldiers on a first-aid course were tested by the instructor. He asked the recruits: 'If the sergeant major sustained a head injury during an exercise what would you do about it ?

One soldier said: 'I'd wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stopped.'

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The White House has announced that they are recruiting volunteers for phase three clinical trials of Clorox as a treatment for COVID-19. There are only two prerequisites for participants...

The participants must be at least 18 years old, and must be registered Democrats.

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A fresh batch of military recruits come in and meets the drill sergeant

The sergeant looks at the men and says "I'll your all a bunch of yellow bellied pansies! Are ya!"

They all respond "Sir, no sir!"

"Really?" He responds and points to the end of the table they're standing next to.

At the end of the table, a giant alligator sits in a cage hissing ...

Drill Sergeant: "I didn't see you at camouflage training today recruit!"

Recruit: "Thankyou sir!"

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A sailor is recruited onto a Pirate ship...

After swearing loyalty to the Captain and crew, and receiving his daily list of duties, the new recruit is brought up onto the poop deck to briefly meet the Captain. The Captain, a rugged-looking pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch, is an intimidating-looking man indeed.
<...

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The new recruit [Long]

Bob's out with the rest of his army troop on deployment out in the middle of nowhere. After a couple of months, the loneliness and sexual frustration starts reeeeeeally getting to him. He even tries subtly beating off in his bunk while the rest of the room's asleep, but gets sharply hissed at from t...

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A new recruit turns up to the remote outpost.

He meets Tom the only other person there and after a bit of chit chat he asks what they do around there to release sexual tension and female companionship. Tom take the new recruit around the corner and points to an old battered donkey.

“That’s Betty she’s not much to look at and it can be a ...

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon. I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony ...

Why is it ok to hack Cthulhu in as a recruitable hero in a fantasy RTS to defeat the orcs?

Because all's fair in Lovecraft and Warcraft.

On the parade ground of an army camp full of national service recruits.

The Sergeant is not known for his diplomacy and constantly screams at the recruits. At the end of one parade, just before giving the order to fall out he shouts out “Private Brown, your mother has died. Fall out!” Private Brown simply collapses in shock.

The Captain hears this and shakes his ...

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A new recruit is sent to an outpost in the Jungle.

A new recruit is sent out in the jungle to a small outpost, where there are only a few other soldiers there, all of them experienced veterans. After a few weeks, the soldier begins to feel a little unsatisfied with his sex life, so he goes to ask the sergeant what he can do about it. The sergeant sa...

Bobby joins the military.

Recruitment sergeant: what would you like to achieve?
Bobby: I want to be a general after 2 years.
Recruitment sergeant: are you insane?
Bobby: is that required?

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Someone kept telling me I should go to an Alcoholics meeting

I said fine, I'll try it out.

We all sat down in a room. Catering was shit, the place was dry but luckily I brought my own stuff.

Everyone took turns complaining about their lives or bragging about how well they're doing.

Turned out to be a religious recruitment program so I got...

Why do terrorists recruit married men as suicide bombers?

They're easier to convince.

Did you hear ISIS blew up their first Italian recruit in a suicide bombing today?

They decided to rig a Tony

Why is ISIS recruiting young members?

Because all they have right now are Boomers.

A politically-appointed medical research director had been busy pushing recruitment for round after round of hydroxychloroquine tests. After another poor result, a White House aide walked in. "Doctor, the President has demanded another HCQ test. Can you do it?"

The director sighs, rubs his temples, and sits back in his chair. "No. Quite frankly, I don't have the patients."

A U.S. Army Sargeant was addressing to his new recruits:

He asked them basic questions, like their name and where are they from, things of that nature.

Then, he got to Oliver, who came all the way from Australia.

Sarge: Did you come here to die, recruit?

Oliver: Nah, mate, i came 'ere yesterdai

"I order you to stand over the new recruits. Do you understand, Lieutenant?"

"No, I overstand".

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A Navy recruit is being shown around the ship for the first time...

As he is going around the ship with the sergeant, they get to the sleeping quarters. The sergeant says, "This is where you will sleep and get dressed." Before they continue on, the recruit spots a barrel with a hole in the side of it in the corner of the sleeping quarters. The recruit asks, "Sir, wh...

The Army now has an entire platoon of female-to male and male-to-female recruits.

It's a complete trans formation.

A Senior Officer and his Recruit

Once upon a time in the army, there was an extremely unreasonable and terrifying Officer. Everyone despised him. One day, the Officer slipped on wet rocks and fell into a river. And this Officer could not swim! A young recruit walked by and spotted him. Without hesitation, he dove in and rescued the...

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A teenager was standing in front of a recruiter, about to sign his life away to the Marines.

The recruiter promised him adventure and action, and the teenager was buying it all up. He finished his training (Semper Fi!) and was immediately given his first posting: he was going to Afghanistan. Being an FNG, the Devil Dog worked long and worked hard, but by the end of his tour, he felt he had ...

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A plane full of paratrooper recruits are doing their first jump.

The drill instructor throws everyone that doesn't jump on their own out of the aircraft personally. The second to last puts up a real fight, but the instructor manages to push him out. The last recruit nearly looses his shit laughing. The instructor turns around and asks: "Do you think this kind of ...

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The CIA is running a recruitment program for potential assassins...

The recruiter has selected three canidates, two men and a woman.
He hands a gun to the first man and says, "Okay, your wife is in that interrogation room. If you want in, then you have to kill her."
The man immediate refuses and is sent home.
The recruiter then hands the gun to the sec...

Why did the army sergeant only accept fat recruits into his squad?

He wanted to say he had large privates.

After extensive testing the C.I.A. has gotten down to it's final 3 candidates of this recruiting cycle, being 1 female and 2 males.

The recruiter tells them that in working for the C.I.A they need to be ready for anything and the final test is to prove this.

The recruiter explains that each recruit will have to go into the interrogation room that their respected husband or wife is in and kill them with the gun provided. ...

I recently started a recruitment agency that only deals with the underground mining industry.

It's called, Staff It Where The Sun Don't Shine.

What kind of combat training do the recruits in the Israeli army receive?

Jew-Jitsu.

The CIA is recruiting three people for a top secret mission. (Long)

Their selection comes down to one final test.

The candidates are brought to a remote, undisclosed location and given a loaded firearm. They receive instructions to walk into an adjacent room and kill the person they see sitting there.

Candidate 1, a highly decorated veteran agent wit...

Man comes for a lumberjack's recruitment interview

Recruiter: Do you have any experience as a lumberjack sir?

Man: Yes, I used to work in the desert.

Recruiter: But there are no trees in the desert!

Man: There are no trees... anymore, sir.

What's the difference between a terrorist recruitment center and an Iranian general?

I don't know, man, I'm just a pilot.

A young soldier from Texas was sent to battle….

A young soldier from Texas was sent to battle. Not being the brightest in class, a recruiter noticed he was tough and had heart so off he went to war right after high school.

While in service, he again was not known to be the brightest but earned many accolades and by the end of the war he w...

The mining industry wants to put out a radio advert to help with recruitment. They hire a jingle writer, and he asks them what key he should write it in.

They said: "B minor".

Where does the military send its under-qualified recruits?

Fort Nite

The army and the navy were looking for new recruits, when two boll weevil brothers showed up.

The older brother had worked in Hollywood as the go-to guy whenever an insect was needed in a movie, while the other brother had never amounted to much.

The army recruited the older brother, while the navy recruited the younger brother. That day, the navy won a battle, while the army lost a b...

Recruiter: "what's your biggest weakness?"

"I don't know when to quit."

"You are hired!"

"I quit."

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New recruit gets sent to afghanistan...

after a couple of week he gets real horny, he goes over to his captain & all embarrassed he asks him "Sir, what do guys here do when they get horny & it's at an unbearable level?" Captain says, well there's a tent at the southwest corner of the camp & over there all needs could be taken ...

The CIA is testing recruits

Out of more than 300 who aspired to become elite special agents only three made it to the final test: Two men and a woman. During weeks in which they reached and exceeded physical and psychological limits they proved time and time again that they are better than all others. Now, they are facing the ...

After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division...

a guy eagerly asked his recruiter what he could expect from jump school. "Well," the recruiter replied, "it's three weeks long." "What else?" he inquired. "The first week they separate the men from the boys," the recruiter said. "The second week they separate the men from the fools." "And the third ...

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A seer was recruited to help a party of heroes break into a ruined dungeon

The other heroes knew that his knowledge of the arcane would help them to understand and predict the nefarious traps that were sure to beset them within the darkened tunnels.



The dungeon's architect had laid it out as a chess board, and the party moved one by one along the squares. Th...

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At an ISIS recruitment centre...

Interviewer: Name?

Recruit: Saaed Bin Hasrat.

Interviewer: Sex?

Recruit: Often twice a day.

Interviewer: No, no. Male or female?

Recruit: Male, female, sometimes camel, mostly sheep.

I'm a recruiter for my company. Before I look at any resumes, I always throw half of them out.

I only want the lucky ones.

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A rabbit, a fox and a bear were about to be drafted into the forest miltary

A rabbit, a fox and a bear were about to be drafted into the forest miltary.

First, the recruiters came to Mr Rabbit's home.

- Knock-knock
- Who is it?
- We're the recruiters, we want to draft you to the army.

Mr Rabbit thinked fast and he cut of his thumb. Then he opened ...

At a recruitment interview

“Can you work overtime for this company without overtime claim?”

“I can work for this company without any pay”

“Ha ha you must be joking.”

“Well you started first.”

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Fresh recruits are lined up at bootcamp waiting to meet their new Seargent.

Out walked this absolut unit of a marine carrying a big black duffel bag. He sets the bag down and yells,
“Do you know what it means to be a marine! You gotta be tough! Do you wanna see what tough is?!"
And with that he unzips the bag and pulls out an alligator. While he's wrestling with the ...

The European Space Agency (ESA) recruits one Dutch, one French and one Turkish astronaut for a space mission

As the mission should last 10 years, they ask the astronauts what they want to bring with them in space.

The Dutch says: "I would like to master a new language, can I bring a Spanish teacher?". ESA recruits the best Spanish teacher trains them and sends them to the space with the others.
<...

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Use The Camel

Having joined the French Foreign Legion, Pierre focused on becoming the best soldier he could. Day in, day out he trained; long marches with full pack, hand to hand combat, shooting range etc... but even all this activity couldn't take away the yearning he had, after all he was a young viral man. T...

Two basketball recruits are taking a college entrance exam.

The coach says,” men all you have to do is finish this sentence and you’re admitted to school. “

He continues, “Old MacDonald had a _____?”

One of the jocks thinks for a moment and proudly says,” Old MacDonald had a farm.”

The other says, “Yea but how do you spell farm?”

...

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During WWII, an Australian, a British and an American P.O.W. are forcibly recruited by a brilliant Nazi scientist to undergo an experimental treatment…

The purpose of the experiment is to create human time-keeping machines. They are each placed in separate rooms and subjected to intense brainwashing. After a week of treatment, the scientist comes to inspect on their progress.

He first looks in on the Australian soldier. Staring blankly ahea...

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A guy 'recruits' a hiregirl, taking her to a motel where, while he was taking the required shower, she discovered that it's 'that time of the month'

'*What am I gonna do*...' she wonders. '*I already took payment.. they guy's kindda cute... even I'd like to do it... I'll just turn off the lights. He won't notice, and by the time he wakes tomorrow, I'll be long gone!*'

Done deal. After a sexstorm of a night, the guy wakes up next to a ...

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Being dyslexic is a huge problem as a female pornstar recruiter.

Everytime I ask people to send me their videos on a physical format, they come to my office and give me sloppy dicks.

When I complain they tell me, "Can't you just let US B."

A grizzled old sea captain decided to test one of his recent recruits.

“Let’s say you see a storm heading your way off the starboard side. What would you do?”

“I would throw out an anchor, sir,” said the deckhand confidently.

“All right,” said the captain. “Then let’s say a second storm was coming in from your port side. Then what would you do?”

Th...

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FBI recruitment is taking place

Alot of people try and in the end 3 men qualify for the final challenge,
They call the first guy in and tell him,"your wife is sitting in there,kill her so we know that you will follow our every order"
He is shocked, he goes in, picks up the gun and tries to do it but he gives up.
They call...

Army commando recruitment - from India

A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army.

Interviewer: "We want a person with a suspicious mind; always alert, merciless; ready to attack; high sense of hearing & most importantly; having a killer instinct. So Do you think you are eligible?"

Man: "No Sir; but ...

Today I had an interview for a job at Microsoft, and the recruiter asked me "Why do you think you are a good fit for our company?"

I replied: "because I too am micro and soft right now"

I had a meeting with my boss today. He said "are we going to discuss sales figures followed by recruitment?"

Did he just assume my agenda?

This isnt even a joke....

My recruiter at this job 5 years ago told me.

"being a trucker driving trucks over the road is like the only place i can think of where fapping is acceptable in the work place."

Until they installed driver facing cameras lol

The Union Cavalry were in dire need of recruits...

General Grant decided to turn one infantry division into a cavalry division and sent the men back to boot camp for additional training.

Johnny was 19 years old and a brave soul, but looking at the rearing, neighing and feisty war horses, he had one concern.

“Excuse me Drill Sergeant!” ...

ISIS is knocking on my door recruiting...

Cause I just bombed this physics test.

Secret Service

A new recruit is assigned to the president's protection team. Trump and his family are crossing the white house lawn to board the helicopter when a deranged man jumps out from behind a tree with an automatic weapon. He is drawing down on the family and the new recruit rushes up and shouts at him "Mi...

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