Three guys go in for a job interview.

The first guy goes in and kicks ass, best job interview he’s ever done in his life. End of the interview comes around, the interviewer says:

“By the way, do you notice anything strange about me?”

“Yeah,” says the guy… “You don’t have any EARS, man!”

“I’m sorry, says the intervie...

Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman go for a interview to join the Royal marines. As a test, the interviewer says to the Englishman "Here's a gun, your wife is in the next room, I want you to go in and shoot her."

The Englishman is obviously disgusted at the thought, so he gets up, gets his wife and leaves.

Next up is the Scotsman. He's told the same and he reacts the same, gets up, gets his wife and leaves.

Finally its the irishmans turn. He's offered the gun, to shoot his wife to prove he's ...

I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?

>!Gum!<

For the first time this year I didn't go in a European trip due to coronavirus

Every year I don't go because of money

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The tattoo parlour in my town is offering a free tattoo if you go in and flash your boobs.

It’s a Tit for Tat special.

Where should Spongebob fans go in the hospital?

The Squid-ward

I saw my wife slightly drunk, yelling at the TV :”Don’t go in the church, you moron”

She’s watching our wedding video again

If you go in for surgery now the anesthesiologist will offer to knock you out with gas or hit you over the head with a boat paddle.

It’s an ether/oar situation

(Ether is the name of the gas used)

Before you go in the bathroom you're American, after you leave the bathroom you're American, what are you while you're in the bathroom?

European

I played CS:GO in Antarctica

My computer kept freezing

I invented a new golf ball that’ll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches.

Do NOT carry them in your back pocket.

Where do pregnant women go in the summer?

Labor Camp

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there."...

...as he pointed out the location, the DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wh...

Three ducks go in to a bar..

'Say, what's your name?' the bartender asked the first duck.
'Huey,' was the reply. 'How's your day been, Huey?'
'Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?' said Huey.
'Oh. That's nice,' said the bartender.
He turned to the se...

I was plying Pokemon GO in the park the other day

The craze of Pokemon GO may well have died off for most people but I still love it and play all the time.


I was in my local park the other day when my absolute favourite Pokemon appeared!
It was over by a group of girls so i tried to contain my excitement so I didn't draw attentio...

Where did Timmy go in the explosion?

Everywhere.

My 10 year old son just told me this: If you're American when you go in the bathroom, and you're American when you come out of the bathroom, then what are you IN the bathroom?

You're A Peein'

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Me and a friend go in a bar...

My friend who is homosexual was high, so he was looking zoned out.

The bartender asked why he looked confused. I said because he wasn't thinking straight.

Where do people go in Skyrim to buy ice cream?

To their local Dovah Queen

Me and my one arm girlfriend went shopping together and passed a second hand store. She asked if we could go in.

I told her she won’t find what she’s looking for.

What is a gerbils favorite place to go in Europe?

Hamsterdam

Two guys are walking down the street in Florida and they see a sign outside a bar that says "10 cent Martinis" and they decide to go in. They don't believe it, but decide to order anyway. The bartender makes two large Belvedere martinis with blue cheese olives and says "That will be 20 cents."

The two guys can't believe it, but drink up and order again. While the bartender is making the drinks, they ask him "How can you afford to do this?" The bartender responds, "I always wanted to own a bar where people could drink cheaply and then I won the lottery." One of the patrons responded, "That...

Why did the hermit crab refuse to go in his shell?

Because he was claw-strophobic!

I bought a ticket to world cup finals without realizing it’s also my wedding day! Does anyone want to go in my place?

The church is St Antony’s and the brides’ name is Joanna..

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During my check-up, I asked the doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?" He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I guffawed, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

A priest, a rabbi, and a monk go in a bar.

Bartender says “what is this, some kind of joke?”

(I made up this joke when I was 10 or so, at least I hope so)

Why should you never go in to a furniture store with a constipated man?

He can never pass a stool

A chemist, a biologist and an electrical engineer were on death row waiting to go in the electric chair.

The chemist was brought forward first. "Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner, strapping him in.

No," replied the chemist. The executioner flicked the switch and nothing happened. Under State law, if an execution attempt fails, the prisoner is to be released, so the che...

I was walking outside of the Microsoft Store at the mall tonight when my wife asked if I wanted to go in and look at anything.

I told her “No, I’m just Windows shopping.”

why do scuba divers go in the water backwards?

because if they go forward they would fall inside the boat.

How do they play Pokemon Go in Gaza Strip?

They grab a round rock from the ground and say: "Pick-a-jew"!

My 2-year-old wouldn't come out of the carnival bounce house, so the attendant had to go in and get him

I really thought I wouldn't have to worry about him getting thrown out of places by bouncers until he got older.

Where should you go in the event of a zombie apocalypse?

Old folks home. Nobody has teeth to bite you!

I went by the house I grew up in and asked if I could go in and look around. They said no and slammed the door.

My parents can be so rude...

There’s a guy with a Doberman Pincher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pincher says to the guy with the Chihuahua, "Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us."

The guy with the Doberman Pincher says, "Just follow my lead."
They walk over to the restaurant. The guy with the Doberman Pincher puts on a pair of dark glasses and he starts to walk in. A guy at the door says, "Sorry man, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Doberman Pincher says, "You don’t u...

When I go in to kiss a girl, I always close my eyes.

Ive just learned from experience, if my eyes are open, more pepper spray gets in them.

When it's my time to go, I want to go in my sleep, like my grandpa did.

Not screaming and crying like the other people in his car.

Why did the fire fighter go in to save his friend first, and then fight the fire?

Because... bros before hose!!! Wubbulubbadub-dub!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife was in a coma. The doctor says to me, "There's one way to wake her up, but its a little unconventional. You go in there and you have oral sex with her"

I said "By God".
He says "I've seen it work"
So i go in there, I'm in there about five minutes and i come out.

I say, "Doc, shes choking"

My girlfriend was cooking for our guests. She told me to go in and prepare the table.

So I walked in and told them all about her cooking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once, there were 4 sisters who were going to go in to confession.

The first sister entered, and spoke with the priest. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It has been 1 week since my last confession. I have seen a man's penis".

The priest stated, "You are forgiven. Dip your eyes in our bowl of holy water to cleanse them, and say 5 Hail Marys. Send in you...

Where do cantaloupes go in the summer?

To John Cougar's Mellon Camp

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men approach the gates of heaven and before they can go in God has to hear their stories of how they died

Three men approach the gates of heaven and meet up with God. Before God can let them in, he has to hear the stories of how they die. God asks the first man, "How did you die?"

Well said the first man, I was a construction worker working on the roof when I slipped and fell. I managed to grab o...

What kind of ships can't go in salt water?

Snail-boats

What is a Pokémon's favourite place to go in France?

Paras

Why don't they play CS:GO in the jungle?

too many cheetahs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a ton of people go in for a job interview and the final two prospects are...[racist?][dirty]

...a Harvard grad, and a Polak.

Leaning toward no particular preference, the hiring manager decides to put them to a test. "You both have 30 minutes to write a poem," he says. "But the catch, is that it has to end in Timbuktu. The best poem gets the job." Both men accept the instructions and ...

Where do you go in the room when you're cold?

The corner, it's 90 degrees.

shops have changed so much. In my day you could go in with a pound and get a bag of crisp and a magazazine

now days they have cameras

What happens when you play Pokemon Go in Africa?

You caught: AIDS!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"How did you go in the exam on Nazi invasions?"

"I blitzed it."

Why is it forbidden for ants to go in a church?

They are in-sects

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just as it's going by. As he gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Impeccable timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Fe...

A guy meets a girl in a bar and they go back to her apartment.

They go into her bedroom and from left to right, floor to ceiling, there’s a whole wall full of fluffy toys. Floor to ceiling, side to side, fluffy toys everywhere. They get it on.

When they’re done, the guy says, “How was I?”

She says, “Take anything from the bottom shelf.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two friends are walking their dogs--a Dalmatian and a Chihuahua--when they smell something delicious coming from a nearby restaurant.

The guy with the Dalmatian says, "Let's get something to eat."

But the guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can’t go in there, we have dogs with us."

So the first guy says, "Just follow my lead." He puts on a pair of sunglasses and walks into the restaurant.

"Sorry," says the owner,...

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