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A man is walking through his local mall and notices a Mexican book store. He decides to go in, because he has never seen one before.

He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"

The clerk replies, "Fuck you, get out, stay out!"

The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one."

I recently came home to my wife, slightly drunk, watching something on the TV. "No! Don't go in there! Don't be so stupid!" she was shouting...

Turns out she was watching our wedding video.

I can't go in public without people staring at my body

Now I just leave her at home

Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold?

The corner—they’re usually 90 degrees.

My wife begged me in the doctors waiting room to go in with her to see the psychiatrist about my issues with starting a family.

I refused to come inside.

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A President, an Actor and a Soldier try to go in to a bar

But his balls were too big to fit through the double doors.

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I went by the house I grew up in and asked if I could go in and look around.

They said no and slammed the door in my face!

Parents can be real jerks.

Three guys go in for a job interview.

The first guy goes in and kicks ass, best job interview he’s ever done in his life. End of the interview comes around, the interviewer says:

“By the way, do you notice anything strange about me?”

“Yeah,” says the guy… “You don’t have any EARS, man!”

“I’m sorry, says the intervie...

If you’re American when you go in the bathroom

and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.

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Are you kidding me?? I'm never donating blood again. Nothing but questions as soon as you go in.

Shit like, "Where did you get it?" Or, "Why is it in a bucket?"

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When my step dad got home he found me outside refusing to go in because there was a big scary dog in our house.

"There's no way a dog has got into our house", he complained, and told me to go inside. I refused.

"Look", he yelled. "Get in that house now or you're grounded. I can't hear anything, the doors and windows are all open, there's no fucking dog in there."

I still refused and so my step...

I invented a new golf ball that’ll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches.

Do NOT carry them in your back pocket.

An FBI agent tells a Montana rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for illegal grown drugs.' The old rancher says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'

The agent verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his badge. The officer proudly displays it to the farmer. 'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questi...

Q: Why did Captain Kirk go in to the ladies room?

A: Because he wanted to go where no man had gone before.

When I'm too tired to properly shower, I just go in, do a quick spin, and leave

It's called a 360 no soap

I don’t understand why people are so scared to go in dressing rooms…

But I guess it’s only fitting.

Where do snowmen go in a medical emergency?

The ICY-U

Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman go for a interview to join the Royal marines. As a test, the interviewer says to the Englishman "Here's a gun, your wife is in the next room, I want you to go in and shoot her."

The Englishman is obviously disgusted at the thought, so he gets up, gets his wife and leaves.

Next up is the Scotsman. He's told the same and he reacts the same, gets up, gets his wife and leaves.

Finally its the irishmans turn. He's offered the gun, to shoot his wife to prove he's ...

I was plying Pokemon GO in the park the other day

The craze of Pokemon GO may well have died off for most people but I still love it and play all the time.


I was in my local park the other day when my absolute favourite Pokemon appeared!
It was over by a group of girls so i tried to contain my excitement so I didn't draw attentio...

If you go in for surgery now the anesthesiologist will offer to knock you out with gas or hit you over the head with a boat paddle.

It’s an ether/oar situation

(Ether is the name of the gas used)

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The tattoo parlour in my town is offering a free tattoo if you go in and flash your boobs.

It’s a Tit for Tat special.

Where should Spongebob fans go in the hospital?

The Squid-ward

No matter where you go in the world...

There will always be a women there who has made £9750 a month working from home

why do scuba divers go in the water backwards?

because if they go forward they would fall inside the boat.

My 10 year old son just told me this: If you're American when you go in the bathroom, and you're American when you come out of the bathroom, then what are you IN the bathroom?

You're A Peein'

Colin meets a girl on the street. He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen bucks." She says, "FIFTEEN bucks? You're crazy. For fifteen bucks, I'll let you LOOK at it."

They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. It’s so dark he can't see anything so he gets out his lighter. He lights his lighter, and he says, "My God, your pubic hair... it's so curly and thick... it's BEAUTIFUL."

She says, "Thank you." He says, "You m...

I go in hard but come out soft, and I never mind if you want to blow me. What am I?

Bubblegum.

Where did Timmy go in the explosion?

Everywhere.

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During my check-up, I asked the doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?" He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I guffawed, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

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I tried to use the army toilets, but one of the officers stopped me and said, "It'll cost you $10 to go in there."

What am I? A fucking loo tenant?

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Me and a friend go in a bar...

My friend who is homosexual was high, so he was looking zoned out.

The bartender asked why he looked confused. I said because he wasn't thinking straight.

I played CS:GO in Antarctica

My computer kept freezing

How do they play Pokemon Go in Gaza Strip?

They grab a round rock from the ground and say: "Pick-a-jew"!

I bought a ticket to world cup finals without realizing it’s also my wedding day! Does anyone want to go in my place?

The church is St Antony’s and the brides’ name is Joanna..

Why did the fire fighter go in to save his friend first, and then fight the fire?

Because... bros before hose!!! Wubbulubbadub-dub!

A priest, a rabbi, and a monk go in a bar.

Bartender says “what is this, some kind of joke?”

(I made up this joke when I was 10 or so, at least I hope so)

What is a gerbils favorite place to go in Europe?

Hamsterdam

Why did the hermit crab refuse to go in his shell?

Because he was claw-strophobic!

Me and my one arm girlfriend went shopping together and passed a second hand store. She asked if we could go in.

I told her she won’t find what she’s looking for.

Two guys are walking down the street in Florida and they see a sign outside a bar that says "10 cent Martinis" and they decide to go in. They don't believe it, but decide to order anyway. The bartender makes two large Belvedere martinis with blue cheese olives and says "That will be 20 cents."

The two guys can't believe it, but drink up and order again. While the bartender is making the drinks, they ask him "How can you afford to do this?" The bartender responds, "I always wanted to own a bar where people could drink cheaply and then I won the lottery." One of the patrons responded, "That...

A chemist, a biologist and an electrical engineer were on death row waiting to go in the electric chair.

The chemist was brought forward first. "Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner, strapping him in.

No," replied the chemist. The executioner flicked the switch and nothing happened. Under State law, if an execution attempt fails, the prisoner is to be released, so the che...

There’s a guy with a Doberman Pincher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pincher says to the guy with the Chihuahua, "Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us."

The guy with the Doberman Pincher says, "Just follow my lead."
They walk over to the restaurant. The guy with the Doberman Pincher puts on a pair of dark glasses and he starts to walk in. A guy at the door says, "Sorry man, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Doberman Pincher says, "You don’t u...

My girlfriend was cooking for our guests. She told me to go in and prepare the table.

So I walked in and told them all about her cooking.

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My wife was in a coma. The doctor says to me, "There's one way to wake her up, but its a little unconventional. You go in there and you have oral sex with her"

I said "By God".
He says "I've seen it work"
So i go in there, I'm in there about five minutes and i come out.

I say, "Doc, shes choking"

Why should you never go in to a furniture store with a constipated man?

He can never pass a stool

I was walking outside of the Microsoft Store at the mall tonight when my wife asked if I wanted to go in and look at anything.

I told her “No, I’m just Windows shopping.”

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So a ton of people go in for a job interview and the final two prospects are...[racist?][dirty]

...a Harvard grad, and a Polak.

Leaning toward no particular preference, the hiring manager decides to put them to a test. "You both have 30 minutes to write a poem," he says. "But the catch, is that it has to end in Timbuktu. The best poem gets the job." Both men accept the instructions and ...

My 2-year-old wouldn't come out of the carnival bounce house, so the attendant had to go in and get him

I really thought I wouldn't have to worry about him getting thrown out of places by bouncers until he got older.

What is a Pokémon's favourite place to go in France?

Paras

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Once, there were 4 sisters who were going to go in to confession.

The first sister entered, and spoke with the priest. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It has been 1 week since my last confession. I have seen a man's penis".

The priest stated, "You are forgiven. Dip your eyes in our bowl of holy water to cleanse them, and say 5 Hail Marys. Send in you...

When it's my time to go, I want to go in my sleep, like my grandpa did.

Not screaming and crying like the other people in his car.

What kind of ships can't go in salt water?

Snail-boats

My Car Wouldn't Go In Reverse

My brother tried it and agreed it didn't work. So we took it to the transmission shop. We went in and I explained the problem. The guy behind the counter was incredulous, but I said, "Ask my brother; he'll back me up!"

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Three men approach the gates of heaven and before they can go in God has to hear their stories of how they died

Three men approach the gates of heaven and meet up with God. Before God can let them in, he has to hear the stories of how they die. God asks the first man, "How did you die?"

Well said the first man, I was a construction worker working on the roof when I slipped and fell. I managed to grab o...

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"How did you go in the exam on Nazi invasions?"

"I blitzed it."

Why don't they play CS:GO in the jungle?

too many cheetahs

Where do cantaloupes go in the summer?

To John Cougar's Mellencamp.

shops have changed so much. In my day you could go in with a pound and get a bag of crisp and a magazazine

now days they have cameras

Why is it forbidden for ants to go in a church?

They are in-sects

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Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.


The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.


Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever c...

Why do koi fish travel in groups of four?

To protect the group from predators. When attacked, kois A, B, and C will go in one direction. The fourth one is the D koi.

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