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I was in Mexico last weekend enjoying what the entertainment has to offer....

...ended up going to this magic show that was highly recommended. The Magician came on stage and started the show with a disappearing act. He said "Pay close attention as I will vanish into thin air on the count of three"

He started counting... "uno....dos..."

And sure as shit he disap...

The lions birthday is coming up and he wants entertainment.

The lion’s birthday is coming up and he wants entertainment.

So he tells the zebra to find the funniest animal in the whole kingdom. In order to do this the zebra decides to hold a competition in which animals will have to compete in front of a judge. Whoever the first one to makemake the jud...

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So Land O’Lakes got rid of the Native American on their package...

...But kept the land. Sounds oddly familiar.

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It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens' Home.

After the community sing-along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show - Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time," said Claude.

The excited chatter...

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Long ago, a king issued a challenge to see who can first cross a crocodile-infested river.

On the day of the challenge, the participants were shocked to see how dangerous the river actually was. Crocodile backs were visible nearly every part of the river and the width of the river seemed to stretch miles away to the other bank.

The king, eager to see some violent gory entertainment...

That was your greatest trick.

There was once a magician who performed sleight-of-hand tricks on a cruise ship. He had a regular spot on the ship's cabaret evening entertainment. He was actually quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly ruined by the on-board parrot who would fly around squawking and giving away his ...

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Jimmy Carter, a president, invited Leonid Brezhnev to the White House for an evening of the usual state activities.

As part of the entertainment, Carter invited Brezhnev to sit down at the official White House piano and play a dirge of the Volga or the Fall of Leningrad. As Brezhnev sat down to play, he could not help but notice a red button at the end of the keyboard.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, he...

[LONG][INSPIRING] America: The land of opportunity

Good Read!
Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in New York walks to the corner where a shoe shine is always located. He sits on the couch, examines the Wall Street Journal, and the shoe shine gives his shoes a shiny, excellent look.
One morning the shoeshine asks the Executive Director:
...

An Engineer goes to Hell.

The first thing he notices is, it's awful hot. So he goes and checks the A/C system, and notices a missing belt. He replaces it, and soon it's a cool 78F.

The next thing he notices, is that all the TVs are showing nothing but static. He checks the satellite dish, and sees it's misaligned. He...

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Wife and me checked into a motel recently...

On the counter was a promotional card... said 24/7 adult entertainment channel available in every room.

So I asked the desk clerk... can you make certain that the porno channel for our our room is disabled...?

She said: no - it's just regular porn, you sick bastard.

I accidentally swallowed some poison last night, and I had the strangest hallucination.

I was looking out of my window, and a group of former athletes walked by. Baseball players Don Mattingly, Pete Rose, and Ray Knight we’re talking with Konrad Dorn, an Austrian hockey player. Football superstars Troy Aikman and Emmett Smith were carrying guitars.

Next, a group of men from the ...

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(NSFW) Three guys are hanging out together at a house. One is white, one is black, and one is Mexican. After doing a couple lines of coke, they are all revved up and horny. The white guy says “hey we should get a hooker and we can take turns for a little entertainment”

The other two guys agree this is a great idea and so the white guy makes a phone call to a pimp. Ten minutes later, a prostitute arrives.

After a few minutes of discussion, the white guy says “well I paid for her so I’m going first”. The other two guys, while annoyed, agree to this.

T...

In light of Blizzard Entertainments most recent PR plunder

They're digging their hole even deeper, some say they're even digging all the way to China.

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Two knights were jousting for the entertainment of the king and his court...

The Black knight struck the king's favorite, crumpling him against the wall, bending and doubling him over, head-to-toe. With his head down between his legs with armor and body bent and contorted, the favorite reached for his sword.

The crowd cheered!

With an impressive display of p...

Roman soldier

How did the starving male slave forced to compete in ancient Roman death matches for entertainment feel after cannibalizing the largely portioned female oppressor?

Gladiator.

Blizzard Entertainment will need to stop offering Dental benefits

All their employees are way too afraid to open their mouths

There are two rules to remember in the entertainment industry.

The first is to always leave the audience wanting more. And the second

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What do you call a group of adult entertainment and sex workers?

A Pornucopia

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The International Council of Man Laws

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When sh...

Another good thing to come out of the Supreme Court forcing Trump to disclose his taxes

We're gonna finally learn if having teenage hookers pee on your face is claimed as entertainment expense or medical.

What kind of engineer is God?

three engineers are arguing what type of engineer god is.


The first one, a mechanical engineer, says he must be a mechanical look at the muscles and bone structure.


The second, a electrical engineer, say he is an electrical, look at the brain and the nervous system. ...

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What is mushroom sexual entertainment called?

Sporn.

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A young man get’s a new job on a remote lighthouse. He is the youngest of the 4 lighthouse keepers.

When he arrives and starts to get to know the others he asks, “So what do you do for entertainment around here every night.”

“Well,” said the oldest keeper. “On Monday night we usually play a long game of chess.”

“That’s a shame,” the young man said. “I don’t play chess.”

“Never...

What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post in Wales?

A Entertainment Center.

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Three kingdoms border a lake in the shape of an obtuse triangle

One kingdom lies on each side of the lake. For decades, the king's had argued over it's true owner, each claiming to be the first kingdom to settle there, and many tales of magical swords and godly favours to claim divine right. Eventually, this storytelling and legal battling came to no conclusion,...

A guy goes to the doctor and gets diagnosed with yellow 158 he is told he has a week to live. His wife asks him what he would like to do. He says he would like to go to the bingo as hes never tried it. His wife says ok darling if thats your wish.

First game he plays he gets house and wins a large sum of money and an entertainment system. Wins house in second game and wins a new car. The next day he visits the bingo again and wins house again and the same the next day. On his next visit he wins again and the speaker asks him up to the microph...

I once sold my toucan to a power plant.

I once sold my toucan (ya know, the type of tropical bird), whose name was Drea, to a power plant. I was told he'd simply be entertainment for the workers, sort of like a pet. Eventually, however, our local PETA caught wind of this and intervened. Drea was sent to a nearby bird shelter, where my ...

The beverage company Nage decided to do something new.

In the tiny village of Mars, Kansas, a new themepark opened on the outskirts of town. Touted as the future of entertainment, the beverage company "Nage" decided to take all their leftover & recycled parts of their product, and turn them into hardened plastic materials to construct their attracti...

What's the difference between Lamborghini and Blizzard Entertainment?

Lamborghini doesn't unnecessarily make a Diablo just for your phone

I never could figure out what people did for entertainment before the Internet...

None of my 17 siblings can figure it out either.

For hundreds of years they were forced to work for us across our nation, tirelessly and without monetary compensation. They were whipped, and tied to wooden posts. Even today, they are exploited for sports and entertainment.

Man, horses must really hate us.

Self-deprecating humour is the lowest form of entertainment.

And I can't even get *that* right.

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Entertainment night and my grandmas nursing home.

A couple days ago at my grandmas nursing home they had entertainment night and decided to bring out a hypnotist. He takes out is gold watch and starts to sway in back and forth "watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch." Sure enough all the seniors snap into that trans like state. All of a ...

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Dear Tech Support...

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications,which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 then uninstalled many other val...

My mom was checking out some glossy brochures to travel to a place she’s never been where she’d be waited on hand and foot 24/7 with all inclusive dining and entertainment

I agreed and put her in a nursing home

My daughter's got an interview for a job working in the adult entertainment industry today…

I hope she blows it…

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An old couple was staying at home, and the wife decided she was going to try to make home made soup.

So she geared up to brave the outside world and headed to the shops to get the supplies, leaving her husband behind in his office saying she was getting him a surpise, her only hint being "It's going to be really hot and steamy later!!". The husband, assuming that she was going out to buy something ...

What does a pirate do for entertainment?

Whatever floats his boat.

Not sure if this could be called a joke

One just died and was born into a truly beautiful place, surrounded with all sorts of unimaginable pleasures. A man in a white robe came to greet him and said, "You can have everything you want - food, pleasure, entertainment."

He was so happy, and all day he tried all the things he had dream...

Where do computer engineers like to go for entertainment?

The circuits!

Where do geologists go for entertainment?

*Rock concerts.*

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The Entertainment

A charitable man decided to visit a sick ward at a hospital to cheer up the patients. He took along a keyboard and played humorous songs and told jokes at many a bedside. After finishing his final performance for an old man he said, "I hope you get better." The old man smiled vaguely at the performe...

Really sad news from the entertainment industry.

Justin Bieber was found alive in his apartment yesterday.

In Medieval Europe, there once was a triangular lake.

This triangular lake was quite large; so large, in fact, that three separate kingdoms were built on each side of this lake. These kingdoms were very different one from another.
The first kingdom was the richest - smooth stone walls built like a fortress, lavish houses for all, and a generous king...

(Long) A man was hungry, bored and thirsty...

One day a man was bored, hungry and thirsty from partying all night at a friends house. So since it was basically the middle of the day he thought that the juice store and the local Applebee’s would have really long lines and he decided to head on down to the bookstore for some entertainment.
...

There was once a Musician in North Korea

One day, Kim Jong Un himself calls the musician and asks him to direct a concert for his entertainment. Not daring to say no to the Supreme Leader, he agreed.

So the man assembled the best orchestra in all of Korea to play the piece he composed for the Leader. However when it was time to perf...

Why do aliens refuse to destroy churches in movies?

Because the Davis Entertainment Company still owns the right to Alien vs Predator

What do you call a reality show about people with lobotomies?

Mindless entertainment.

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The Pillsbury Dough Boy has died...

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.

He was 71.

Doughb...

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a civil engineer were having a drink after work

As they drank, the conversation turned to God. Obviously, he was an engineer! But what sort of engineer?

The mechanical engineer brought up the perfection of the human joints and musculature. Surely that proved God was a mechanical engineer!

The electrical engineer responded that, wi...

A young man joined up with a lumberjack camp

On his first day at the camp, one of the old hands was showing him the ropes: when to eat, where to pull timber, all the little details he needed to know to do his job. At the end of the impromptu lesson, the old hand asked the young man whether he had any questions.

"Just one," said the yo...

Winter is coming...

For Blizzard Entertainment.

William Shakespeare takes a potion and is propelled into the modern age.

Smart as ever, he rapidly learns the global situation in politics and entertainment and even becomes highly Internet literate.
He discovers that a famous actress has been named after his wife Anne Hathaway. He decides she is extremely beautiful but wants to meet her in person to determine if s...

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