Drink In Jokes - 18 Hilarious Drink In Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A six lane motorway and an autobahn are having a drink in a bar.

The door opens and a skinny useless looking single strip of asphalt walks in and sits near them. The motorway nudges and gestures the autobahn to move quietly to another part of the bar. When they are seated again the autobahn asks what the problem is. The motorway replies "You don't want to be near...

I was having a quiet drink in a local bar and this guy squared up to me and said ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’

I replied: ‘Is that a fret?

I've got a new rule where I never drink in front of my son.

I don't want him to think I gamble irresponsibily.

I only drink in two occasions: When it's my birthday...

and when it's not.

Man was having a drink in the pub when the phone rang

he reached the pocket and answered, the wife asked him : "sweetheart, I'm going to the mall and I just took 1000 dollars from your desk, is that okay ?"

"absolutely", he answers, "treat yourself"

"thank you, but can I take 500 dollars more ?, my friend suggested me ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, a Russian and a Finn drink in a bar.

The American says:

\- Well... American Air Forces are so huge that we can cover all the sky over Finland by our planes. And there will no sunlight, only shade.

They drink. The Russian says:

\- Well, Russian Navy is so huge that we can cover entire the Gulf of Finland by ships...

How much did Harambe drink in the bar?

Just a couple of shots

A drink in Hell

A man dies and goes to hell, and on his first day the Devil gives him a tour.

The man is paying attention and seeing the sites (torture sites, internet comment sections, etc.) and he gets really hot and thirsty.

Coincidentally, the next stop on the tour is the only place to get a drin...

What is the #1 drink in Washington, DC this week?

A Peach Mint Julep

What do you drink in prison?

Caprison.

A donkey is having a drink in a pub

when he spots a horse at the bar so goes over for a chat. "What do you do for a living then?" asks the donkey. "I'm a racehorse" comes the reply. "Oh right" says the donkey, "have you won any races then?". "Well", says the horse, " on the flat I've won the 2,000 guineas & the derby, & over t...

An amputee woman was having a drink in a bar...

...when a man comes up and asks about her missing leg.

"Oh, it's really quite an amazing story," she said. "I used to love surfing! I rode waves all day and all night, rain or shine. One morning, after just an hour or so of surfing, a great white shark came and knocked me right off the bo...

Did you know that highschoolers can drink in Mississippi?

I mean you can't stop them after they turn 21.

I only drink in Bars which have a lot of mirrors

Doctor has advised me to watch my drinking

I was having a drink in the bar

When this beautiful girl walks in and takes a seat next to me. After a few minutes of contemplating, I order a drink, and gather the courage to ask her out, when suddenly all the lights turned off.

I thought to myself "what the heck, why not" and I took a shot in the dark

What did the Arab Sheikh drink in the morning?

A Milksheikh.

What alcohol do you drink in survival video games?

Craft beers

How does Harry Potter order a drink in Mexico?

Expecto Patrona

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