There was a group of hikers who climbed a steep mountain.

The terrain is treacherous. Every step could be their last. Until it proved itself true. One of them fell down. But fortunately, he went down into a small ledge beside the mountain.

"John! Are you okay? Hold on to the rope!"

"My arms are broken. I can't carry myself."

"Try to ti...

Calculus has a steep learning curve...

But at least you know exactly how steep the learning curve is!

Ever wonder how cows are able to stand on such steep hills?

They have strong calves.

(long) A man was standing before the judge, being questioned over how did he managed

to run over 10 people while driving his truck, so the man answered:

I was driving my truck, hauling a heavy load of rocks, going down this steep street, on one level i came to realize that my brakes have overheated, and unresponsive, down in my way there was 2 groups of pedestrian, on the rig...

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed.

The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the esca...

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Why do you have to leave cannabutter alone to let it steep overnight?

Because a watched pot never boils.

Two guys were tandemcycling up a steep hill.

Once they reached the top, the guy in the front while stil panting said:

"If I wouldn't have pedaled as hard as I did we would not have reached the top"

The other guy in the back responded:

"Yeah, and if I wouldn't have held down the brakes so hard we would have rolled down!"

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A President walks into a classroom.

In the classroom, they are discussing some words and what they mean.

The teacher asks the president to help them discuss the word "tragedy".

The president then chimes into their discussion, saying, "Alright class. Does anyone know what a tragedy is?"

A girl raises her hand and a...

There are two kittens sitting on a steep roof. Which one falls off first?

the one with the smallest *mu*

.

.

.

.

.




**Preemptive explanation:**

Coefficient of friction. The coefficient of friction (COF), often symbolized by the Greek letter µ (pronounced *mew*), is a dimensionless scalar value which describes the...

A man had a wish that he really wanted to come true.

He prayed to God for a week but He never answered his prayers. So the man traveled to the woods in hopes of asking the Devil instead.

At the woods, he found a hill with a naturally-formed pentagon of rocks. It was there where he invoked the Devil, and to his surprise, he came, looking like an...

The hiker and a camel

A man was hiking on a desert with his group, and saw a sign.

"Camels to ride for hire"

He decided to try that out as it looked fun.
The person hiring the camels told the hiker:

"Say 'woah' and the camel starts walking"

"Say 'that was close' and the camel starts running...

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Three cowboys are out on the range (long).

It's been a long day and all are hungry. The first cowboy rummages in his saddlebags and pulls out a strip of meat to munch on.

"Got any more of that?" asks the second

"Nope. But I can show you where to get some: the bacon-tree."

"The whut?"

"The bacon-tree. It's two hour...

My jokes are like eucalyptus steeped in water

Koala-tea

How long does it take to steep Chinese tea?

Oolong time

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A bunch of animals are flying on a plane

All of the sudden heavy turbulence starts and the rabbit goes to the cockpit to see what's happening. He goes in and see the raven jumping around pecking at random buttons and pulling random levers.

"What the hell are you doing?" asks the rabbit.

"Fucking with the controls."

"Oh...

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Cross-eyed Cow

One day farmer Brown went to the barn to milk his prize cow. When he got to the barn he was shocked to find that the cows eyes were crossed! He thought, "This is a valuable cow, I can't have it walking around cross-eyed." So he called the Vet.

The vet came out and said he knew exactly wh...

Did you hear of the new Jewish rapper that was too cheap to buy fancy jewelry, cars, etc?

His name is Lil Steep

A nervous mountaineer looks at the steep mountain...

Which his guide had proposed to climb.

- Do people tumble down often here?

- No, the guide said, one time is usually enough.

Very long.

First off, let me describe to you a little creature.

There lives in the forest a little guy known as a 'Twid'. A Twid resembles nothing so much as a Smurf on psychedelics. They have punked out hair, multi-colored skin, tattoos and piercings. Also, the sole reason for a Twid's existence on th...

A coffee addict goes to rehab to get clean

During group reflection they said

Group: "Steve tell us a little about your struggles"

Steve: "Well it started off as a kid, my grandpa would let me sip on a coffee with lots of cream and sugar. I knew from the moment it hit my lips, coffee was what i wanted to do with my life. By the...

Did you hear about the customer outrage when the grocery store ran out of tea?

There was a steep demand.

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Two lip-reading deaf guys walk into a pub.

One turns to the other and says (in a mongy deaf voice), "You go find a seat...I'll get the drinks in".
He walks up to the bar and says, "Bartender, could I please have two pints of lager?"
"Certainly," replies the barman, "That'll be £10."
"Ten pounds?" gasps the deaf guy, "That's a...

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The Religious Horse

David wants to borrow a horse from his neighbor, Jack.



"Sure you can borrow my horse," replies Jack. "But one thing you have to know about this horse. He is trained to start when you say 'Thank God', and he stops when you say 'Help me God.'"



So David gets on the horse a...

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A man has been getting chronic headaches...

...and after seeing specialist after specialist, one finally determines that the cause comes from his testicles being compressed. Unfortunately, the specialist tells him that the only solution at this time is to remove his testicles, or else he'll just continue having horrible headaches.

The ...

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A hearse was driving to the hilltop cemetery.......

......it started to climb up a steep hill out of town. The hill became steeper and the casket started to slip backwards. Just prior to the peak of the hill the casket slipped further out of its catches and fell out the back of the hearse. It started to slide back down the hill gathering sp...

A cowboy's horse died on his way to town...

As he was walking down the dusty trail, he happened across a ranch. With a renewed sense of hope, he asked the stable keeper if he had any horses for sale.

"Sorry, I've fallen on hard times myself. I had to sell all of my horses!"

The cowboy noticed a rather strange-looking steed stand...

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Up in the air

A Boeing 777 wide-body jetliner was lumbering along at 800km/hour at 33000 feet when a cocky F-16 fighter jet flashed by at Mach 2.

The F-16 pilot decided to show off.

On his state of the art radio that is part of his state of the art 3D and million dollar headset, the F-16 youngster...

God said to Adam "I'm going to make you a woman"

God: "She's going to clean for you, cook anything you want whenever you want it, always look beautiful, never be bad tempered, give you children, always obedient, and she'll never argue with you."
Adam: "That sounds great, but what'll it cost me?"
God: "Oh, an arm and a leg."
Adam: "T...

I tried to switch from instant coffee to tea...

But the time difference is steep.

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A coffin crashes into the storefront of pharmacy

2 men were loading up a hearse with a coffin on a steep incline, after they loaded the cargo, they both get into the vehicle..As they start to pull away, the back door swings wide open and the coffin crashes to the ground and starts sliding down the incline, across the intersection, into the store f...

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Wife needs a birthday present for her husband and only the pet store is open...

She went into the pet store, and said she wanted something for her husband.
Store clerk says "get him this frog", and shows her a pretty average looking frog
-how much is it?
-$300
- pretty steep for a common frog, isn't it?
-oh, this is not a common frog... see, it gives blo...

What did the colonist say at the Boston Tea Party?

The price is too steep!

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There's a party in the Olympic Village one night...

... and from across the room, a sprinter sees a diver talking to the most beautiful woman that he has ever laid eyes on. Later in the evening, the sprinter approaches the diver to ask about her.

"I just can't get her out of my head!" the sprinter says. "I have to sleep with her! Who is she?"<...

It's actually quite hard to learn how to make tea...

There's a *steep* learning curve.

An elderly man and his wife went to the state fair every year

There was a pilot who offered airplane rides for $20 (it's one of the old prop planes). The elderly man would ask his wife if they could go on the plane and every year she would say, "Twenty bucks is twenty bucks, we don't have that kind of money to spare."

This year at the fair, the pilot ov...

The house of prostitution on the hilltop

There was a house of prostitution on top of a steep hilltop. There were three men. One man was on his way up the hill to the house. The second man was in the house. The third man had just left the house and was on his way down the hill. What was the ethnicity of each man?

Answer:

The f...

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A Rabbi and 3 Trids are traveling through the mountains ...

A Rabbi and 3 Trids are traveling through the mountains when they spy an angry looking troll at the top of the pass. It’s the only way to the other side.

The Rabbi is a little meek and asks if the Trids would be willing to go first. The Trids are a warrior people, and are there to protect the...

The Hunter and The Bear

In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear.


In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very stee...

Two guys are out hunting in the middle of now where...

After climbing a particularly steep hill to get a vantage point, one man collapses. He then starts frothing from the mouth and convulsing.

Managing to get one bar of service on his mobile phone, the other man dials emergency services.

Operator: 911, what's your emergency?

Man: I...

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My nan's cat died last week, and I wanted to do something a bit special for her to remember him by.

So I called up a local taxidermist.
"How much to have my nan's cat stuffed and on a wooden plinth, pouncing on a terrified mouse?" I asked.
"About £1,500," came the reply.
"FFFFifteen **hundred** quid?! That's a bit steep, how about curled up like he's sleeping peacefully?"
"Abou...

3 guys were in an apartment and had to share the same bed for the night.

The next morning the guys decided to share their dreams they had the night before.

The guy sleeping on the left said, “I had a dream that I received the most amazing handjob!”

The guy sleeping on the right said, “No way! I also had the best handjob in my dream!”

The guy sleepin...

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A fly over a stream. [Dirty Joke]

One day, in a peaceful forest, a fly buzzed over a stream.

In the stream, a salmon was swimming, and it looked up and saw the fly. It thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, I'd be able to jump up, catch it, and I'd have myself something to eat."

Alongside...

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer...

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. "I would like to ask a few questions", said the client. "Of course", the lawyer replied, "But I have to charge you $200 to answer 2 questions" "Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?" said the suprised client. "Yes it certainly is", said the lawyer...

I entered a tea brewing contest

The competition was steep

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A trucker is driving down the road one lonely night..

when he comes upon a brothel so he pulls over. He goes inside and there is an older woman with a glass eye sitting at the front desk.
Man: "Yes how much is a night with your most beautiful girl?"
Old Woman: "If all the way it is around 500"
Man: "That is steep, what about just a blowjob?"<...

Aboriginal Rituals

A couple years back, I stumbled on a surprising reference to the astonishing longevity of Aboriginal shamans living in the Australian outback. Reliable birth records aren't available before the early 20th century, but government officials have noted an astounding number of nonagenarians and centenar...

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Brian is lonely and decides to hire a hooker.

He drives around until he sees a lady of the night who catches his eye. After going through some formalities she gets in the passenger seat and he asks how much she charges.

"For starters a handy is $375."

"Wow, that seems like a lot of cash for a handjob lady."

"Mister, do you...

I recently attended a funeral

And the procession was going up a steep hill on Main Street. Well all of a sudden the door of the hearst flew open and the coffin fell out. Since the road was so steep it flew back down Main street and into a pharmacy where it crashed into the counter. The lids popped open and the deceased says to t...

A man goes to a lawyer to ask about a legal matter

And first asks about his pricing. "What is your fee?" He asks. "$1000 per three questions," he responds. "Isn't that a little steep?" the man asks. The lawyer replies, "Yeah I guess.., what's your third question?"

A boy is pulling a wagon up a hill

One day on the way home from the store, a boy was pulling a wagon up a hill. The hill was very steep and the boy was extremely tired. Halfway up the hill he sees a priest.

The boy asks the priest, “at church you always says Jesus is always with me, is that true?”
The priest replies “Of co...

Lawyer’s fees

A guy asks a lawyer about his fees.

“I charge $50 for three questions,” the lawyer says.

“That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?” the guy asks.

“Yes, I suppose so,” the lawyer replies. “Now what’s your final question?”

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Do they call me Craig the fence maker?

Bill was an American tourist in Scotland when he wandered off the trail and got lost. He wandered around for hours and was starting to worry when the sun went down. In the darkness, he saw a tiny light on top of a hill. He knew it meant civilization so he started walking towards it.

After an...

An old man and his wife go to the fair...

*Sorry for long post, but it's worth it*

They come across a stunt helicopter ride. The old man watches in awe as this helicopter does flips and various other tricks.
"I'd love to go do that!" Says the man.
"But dear," says his wife "it's $50 and I want our retirement money to last"
...

Two hunters......

Two hunters walking thru the woods,one slips,and rolls down a steep ravine. The other calls down to him ,but he gets no response. He picks up his phone,calls 911.
Operator: 911 what is your emergency?
Panicked Hunter: my buddy and I were walking he tripped fell down a ravine, and he is dead....

A genie offered a man 1 wish. All the genie asked in return was for the man to boil some water and make him a tea. But the man refused.

The man decided the price was to steep.

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Three men hear of a wish-granting boulder.

This boulder is rumored to be located at the top of a steep cliff, so the men set out on a rather grueling hike in order to find it. Upon arrival at the very top, they find a natural monolith of sorts, and are greeted by a booming voice.

"Greetings, travelers!" the voice says. "I am the Rock ...

Guy running the ski-lift said it would be $50 to get to the top of the mountain...

I said "that's a bit steep."

He said "exactly."

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2 ants

Two ants meet at the navel of a beautiful sunbathing woman.
They decide that one will explore the area to the north and the other one will go south.
A day later they meet at the navel again.
The ant who explored the north starts to talk about his journey excitedly: "It was awesome! Tw...

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And God created woman

God sees Adam walking around bored out of his mind. God feels sorry for Adam and tells him, Adam I'm going to make you a woman. A woman? Replies Adam,what is a woman? its going to be the best thing. She'll be your companion, your friend. She'll cook for you, clean for you, let you watch the football...

Why did the tea-bag fall down the hill?

To steep.

A JOURNEY FROM MAN TO MONK

There was once a man just like me and you. He woke up in the morning, went to work and enjoyed a beer with his friends in the evening.

One day the man was walking down an empty street when a young man jumped at him with a knife, stabbed him and took his money.

The man thought surely h...

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Donkey And Bishop

A preacher wanted to earn money for the building expansion program of his church. He had heard there was big money in horse racing, so he decided to purchase a horse and enter him in the races. However, at the local auction the going price for horses was too steep and the preacher ended up buying a ...

Burger King: Have It Your Way!

Burger Dictatorship: Have it My Way!

Burger Communism: Have it Everyone's Way!

Burger Capitalism: Have it Your Way For a Steep Price Hike!

Burger Oligarchy: 1% Have it Their Way!

Burger Democracy: Have Something Your Way!

Burger Anarchy: Don't Have It!

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A joke my 8 year old told me.

I took my son hiking in Round Valley in California. The hills are pretty steep and along the trails you can see multiple "cow pies" as he calls them (cow poop).

As we're hiking up a steep hill:

Son: "Geez dad, my legs are killing me. The cows out here must have such nice calves!"

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman find a magic slide...

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman find a magic slide with a steep drop at the bottom. A notice on the slide tells them that they will be given whatever they say while going down and to use it with caution.

The Englishman goes first and screams "Gooooold". He lands on a pile of gold an...

A compass, a cough drop, and a match.

As a Boy Scout, we would camp a lot and go on hikes.


One night, we had to do a night hike, alone, for a merit badge. I had left the campsite about an hour earlier and a terrible storm rolled in. The sky opened up and the ground was quickly saturated. I tried to continue my hike for anothe...

Lawyers

A woman walks into the lawyer's office and says, "Excuse me, what's your rate?"

The Lawyer says, "Fifty dollars for three questions."
The woman is shocked. "Isn't that a little steep?"
" Yes," says the lawyer."What's your third question?"

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I took a dirt road to avoid a weigh station last week.

I drove my rig up a hill and around a sharp curve. As I started down a steep hill, I saw an old man and a young girl screwing in the middle of the dirt road.

I came to a screeching halt within inches of the old man's ass. I got out of my rig to see if they were OK, and ask why they didn't mo...

11 Geeky Jokes

1. What does a subatomic duck say “Quark”.

2. Why did I divide Sin by Tan, Just Cos.

3. Why programmers like UNIX:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep

4. Why can’t you trust atoms, they make up everything.

5. A pen...

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An elephant and a mouse were walking in through the jungle when all of a sudden the elephant fell into a hole.

It was very deep and steep-sided and the elephant couldn't pull himself out. So the mouse said he'd hail the first car that came along. After a while a shining new Porsche came roaring through the jungle. The mouse hailed it, they got a rope, dropped it down the hole and the Porsche towed the elepha...

A joke from kids at my old Sunday School: A man buys a horse...

The woman selling the horse says ''before you ride off with him, you must remember some very important phrases! This horse will not move unless you speak to him ''Thank God''. He will not stop until you say ''Amen''. Only these commands will he act upon, understand?''


The man is confused,...

A nomad is lost in the desert...

He had enough food and water, but he had been away from his wife for a *loooong* time. Eventually the loneliness and heat started getting to him, and his camel started looking mighty fine. The camel must have sensed something, as it bolted when the nomad made his move.

The nomad started cha...

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Chum the sheep

There was this young man who had had enough of city life so he moves to the country and decides to run a sheep farm. He educated himself as much as he could on how to run a farm. He bought a farm, and buys a heard of sheep. Everything is going well, the sheep are properly housed and fed. The she...

$50 for three questions

A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.

"$50.00 for three questions."

replied the lawyer.

"Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.

"Yes." the lawyer replied, "Only one more left"

There's a blond and a brunette in a car...

There's a blond and a brunette in a car. The brunette is driving while the blonde is in the passenger seat. They're going down a steep hill when the brunette realizes that the brakes don't work. The brunette tells the blonde that the brakes don't work and they will drive off the side of the cliff be...

What do you call a Lada at the top of a hill?

A miracle.

-------------------------------------

A man drives his Lada to a mechanic and asks, "Can I have a spare hubcap for my Lada?" The mechanic says, "Sounds like a fair trade."

-------------------------------------

A Russian man enters a car raffle. Dropping the tic...

A man buys a Lada (Russian car)...

...but after only one day of ownership returns it to the garage.
'It's no good mate, the car's no good for me,' says the man to the car dealer.
'Why not?' asks the car dealer.
'Do you see that steep hill over there?' says the man, pointing. 'Well it will only get up to 75 up there'.
'Tha...

Zipper joke.

(Heard this today from a nice women, so not mine obviously. Thought itd be good here. )

In New york the new buses have a pretty steep first ledge to get on them. A woman wearing a tight skirt tries to get on. She reaches her leg up but it is no good. So she reaches behind her to unzip her sk...

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The Green Gnome [NSFW]

A man goes to an adult super store in search of a new and exciting toy to please his wife. He asks the store owner if he has anything special. The store owner shows him what he refers to as The Magic Green Gnome, but it's very expensive. The man decides that there is no price too steep for his wife'...

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A man went to Japan on business

A man went to Japan on business, and while there, decided to check out the Japanese prostitutes he'd heard so much about.

He goes to a brothel a friend had told him about and selects a girl of his liking. She takes him to a room and right before he's about to make love to this striking beaut...

Adam is feeling a bit lonely in the garden of eden

So one day he asks God for a companion. God thinks about this for a little while and finally comes back to Adam and says "I've got the perfect bride for you. She cooks, cleans, does whatever you ask and is gorgeous to boot." Adam looks up and says "Thats amazing! What do I have to do for such a wond...

A man is stranded in the middle of a desert.

Thirsty and desperate, he stumbles upon a small camp owned by a priest. The priest sees him and decides to help the poor man by lending him his horse to ride to the nearest town.

"There's just one thing you need to know about this horse," says the priest. "He's very religious, so to get him t...

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I once went to a Japanese Tea ceremony...

It was steeped in tradition.

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What do you do?

You're riding your horse along a narrow road and to your right there's a steep cliff. There's another rider to your left threatening to run you off the edge. You try to speed up but there's another rider in front of you, and when you look behind you a third rider is closing in as well. You're stuck ...

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I respect my wife

One day, a man interviews a 90 year old couple who have been married for 70 years. During the entire interview, the man is always constantly respectful of his wife. He does whatever she says without a hint of complaint. The reporter asks, "How is it possible you are still happily married after so lo...

A Priest, a Preacher, and a Rabbi...

A Catholic priest, Baptist preacher, and a rabbi were known to meet up every week and talk about religion and their respective churches. One week, they were discussing converting people to their faith and each agreed that people are easily manipulated and that it was no true test of skill and that a...

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